dksleuth

[dksleuth]

Hi

I believe I am experiencing long term side-effects from a year of anti-psychotic meds. I am not clear if I ever should have been on these meds. I unknowingly took these medicines for a year thinking they were keeping me from a manic episode. I few months ago I began to notice severe cognitive deficits. These deficits are so striking I thought I had suffered a stroke or developed a brain tumor or premature dementia. It was one of the scariest moments in my life. Some of my symptoms include slowed cognition, inability to put thoughts into words, memory problems, lack of emotional affect,difficulty reading, sexual dysfunction, trouble paying attention, flattening of the personality, trouble planning and deciding. By happenstance I began researching anti-psychotics and I stumbled upon a wealth of information that confirms that these drugs in fact cause major brain damage particularly affecting the frontal lobe. It seems they essentially disrupt the center of the brain that makes us human. 

It has been a nightmare conveying to others the symptoms I am experiencing. They attribute it to depression or trauma. Urging me hopefully that I will overcome this and be restored to normal functioning. I feel so bad for them because they are just trying to be helpful and they love me very much. I wish they could spend just one second inside my mind so they could have a grasp of what i'me experiencing. In the past few months I have begun to withdrawl from social engagements since it is simply too difficult to keep with the stream of a conversation or contribute anything meaningful. My affect is so flattened it seems like nobody wants to be around me because I know longer am the bright, gregarious, passionate, and empathetic person I was. 


I have noticed the only behaviors which seem to give me a sense of a reward are smoking, coffee, compulsive eating, compulsive television watching, and compulsive internet usage. I have become glued to my smartphone as it seems much easier to to receive digital information than any other external stimuli. Music has lost it's touch and it sounds as if all music was composed by heartless robots. Like I am can intellectual hear the sounds but they have no effect on me. I am hardly moved by beauty, nature or spirituality. Church which was once a major part of my life seems flat or even fake.

One bright spot is I don't seem to have lost my ability to convey what I am experiencing by typing it. Handwriting is hard because I have lost some motor coordination. But it seems that I can still interface with a pad and convey thoughts. It's like the language centers of my brain have been disrupted. The thoughts want to get out in speech but just can't. I have researched frontal lobe function particularly the regulatory function of broca's area of the brain. I can't help but think I am suffering frontal lobe impairment. 

I am now in a cycle of negativity. Fearing I will never recover my true self seems to feed into the symptoms of withdrawl and isolation. I know that I have to keep positive, stretch my creative muscle, not give up on experiencing what makes me human but it is so hard. Today I find myself discouraged. I just want to know if anyone relates to what I am experiencing. I don't want to feel alone like this. If you know what I am experiencing what strategies have you employed to compensate for the damage?

Thanks, 

C

 

Edited December 13, 2018 by ChessieCat
removed highlighting format

[ChessieCat]

Hi dksleuth,

 

Welcome to SA.  So that we can see your drug history at a glance please create your drug signature.  Use the following format. 

 

Please make it nice and simple by following these instructions (NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you):

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

Once we know your drug history we will be better able to offer suggestions and know which links to provide you with.

 

This is your own introductions topic where you can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

 

 

 

[ChessieCat]

dksleuth has posted this information in another topic so I thought I would copy it so that we can see more of the history:

 

On 12/18/2018 at 5:19 AM, dksleuth said:

 

I took anti-psychotics for one year straight at high dosages.  Seroquel (400 mg), Latuda (120 mg), and Abilify (20 mg) all at different times throughout the year.  I had no idea how dangerous these drugs were until after I discontinued them.   I discontinued them when I started to experience fatigue, memory loss, difficultly concentrating. I did not taper but discontinued Abilify (my final medication) within a weeks time  I am recovering very slowly, if at all. I am glad I no longer feel like I am dying but i'm concerned that the cognitive effects are permanent. I don't feel like the same person.  It is difficult for me to hold a conversation, my attention jumps all over the place, and my energy level is shot.  Reading is a struggle.  I am unimaginative, uninspired, and incapable of planning beyond a moments notice. The effects have adversely affected my career, my friendships,  my spirituality, my hobbies. 

 

 

On 12/19/2018 at 11:25 AM, dksleuth said:

 

   I appreciate these stories of recovery.  They are inspiring and give me  a lot of hope.  I believe there is nothing more powerful in the recovery process than our shared experience. 

 

     Nonetheless, I still feel different.  Has anyone recovered after being on a particularly high dosage of anti-psychotics for an extended period of time. Throughout last year I was on 400 mg Seroquel, 120 mg Latuda, and 20 mg Abilify.   All at different times of course.  I was misdiagnosed and overmedicated.  I am discouraged because it seems like most the success stories I'm reading are by people who took anti-psychotics only briefly or in small dosages.  I know there has to be someone out there who went through heavy sedation.

 

   It took me a while to even realize that the drugs were having a detrimental effect.  It was really while on a high dosage of Latuda that I reached a tipping point and began to experience severe fatigue.  After a particularly gross experience with Abilify I discontinued all anti-psychotics in the period of about a week. Some of my symptoms are slowed cognitive processing, memory problems, lack of motivation, difficultly planning and executing a plan, social anxiety, flattened emotions, lack of creativity, insomnia.  Based on my research I believe most of these symptoms are caused by the suppression of dopamine.  If so,  what are the odds of the dopaminergic system in my brain recovering.  Should I expect months, years?  It really feels like this is an incremental process.   I finally woke up in a good mood for the first time in months and count that as a small victory. 

 

      I am trying to do everything I can to live healthy.  I am taking fish oil and magnesium supplements.  I have not been able to completely give up caffeine and cigarettes (I want to) because they are the only thing that gives me the hit of pleasure that I need to keep going in the drab world I now inhabit.

   

 

[BestIsYetToCome13]

Hi how are you now?