ascfgdxz: took my first ever pill today. Should I stop? Would love help, thanks

[ascfgdxz]

When I was on wellbutrin, it gave me tinnitus, too much energy, feeling out of it etc. And in morning and at night, I felt soooo empty and in despair, way worse than before. But during the day, I felt better than normal and way more positive outlook. When discussing drugs with my sister. She said that that is hope that the drugs can work, just a matter of trying all kinds until I find the right fit. She says her boyfriend takes an ssri for anxiety and it helps him a lot.

 

I am still very concerned and not wanting to **** anymore with my brain chemistry. But if I felt the way i did when I was on wellbutrin during the day but all the time, that would be great. The idea of trying all the psych meds like a buffet does not seem healthy to me but thats what everyone tells you you have to do.

[Rosetta]

Sigh . . . You are old enough to make your own decisions and your own mistakes.  Someday the idea that if a person reacts poorly to a psych drug he should try a different one or more and more higher doses until "it works" will be horrifying to the medical community.  It will be like thalidomide.  I have read too many adverse reaction stories about ADs.  Your reaction to Wellbutrin should be enough to scare you away for good.  Those are very, very bad signs.  From what I have seen about bad reactions each time a drug is used the bad reaction gets worse.  

 

I kept taking Zoloft and kept taking the higher doses and here I am, just barely getting through my days most of the time.  My husband can see now what was happening but neither one of us ever suspected the AD.  Now it is so clear.  Once I was destabilized by the inconsistent doses, I had the symptoms we see here on SA and the windows and waves.  Then, after the cold switch to Zoloft it all really got bad.  Each raise in the dose made my symptoms worse.  The misery made me quit cold turkey.  I had no idea it could get worse just like right now you have no idea how much worse you could feel --- unless you listen to me.    This is the key take away --- once your nervous system is destabilized as yours is every psych drug, every drink of alcohol or illegal or legal psych substance such as MJ or shrooms will cause further destabilization.  Mine was destabilized due to different events than yours was, but it is the destabilization that is the problem, not the way that destabilization happened.

 

You are lucky you don't have a child to care for yet.  You have time to heal without this affecting someone like that.  I hope you will take the time to heal.  I hope you will Avoid more psych drugs.  I hope you will read about this topic and become well enough informed to make an intelligent decision.  If your sister's friend takes anti-anxiety meds such as benzos, he will eventually get very sick.  It may be fine now, but benzos are very dangerous.

 

I'm sorry for you --and for me -- that doctors don't open their eyes.  They are starting to!!!  There are articles all the time about withdrawal.  Next, I hope, we will see articles about bad reactions.  Please read at madinamerica.com the recent findings of Dr Horowitz.  See the articles in The New York Times about how hard ADs are to quit.  Please research benzo addiction -- go to the benzo forum on this website.  For me, the fact that so many different drugs are harming so many people tells me that "no one is minding the store."  No one is looking out for the patient.  That's certainly true in my case.  

 

Now, the stress of your case is causing me is too much worry.  I'm going to have to disengage.  I'm sorry.  It's really upsetting me that your doctor doesn't recognize an adverse reaction.  I'm having a difficult time this morning.  So, you will be in my thoughts.  I wish you well.  Please become as informed as you can before you make any decisions.  You have a chance to get well more quickly than most of us.  I hope you will take it.  

 

(Several years from now when you are well and have been for a while you can think about trying "mild", but marijuana is an off limits topic here on SA.  It's a crap shoot, and it's definitively dangerous for people who have destabilized nervous systems.   You never know what's in it even from a legal supplier.  You never know how it will affect you -- just like all drugs, by the way.)

 

All the best, Rosetta

[Rosetta]

This person had a bad reaction:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/19810-☼-foxlink-introduction/

 

There is a recent post somewhere with a list of bad reaction threads.  I think Chessiecat posted it on someone's thread.  Maybe it could be found in the topic on adverse reactions -- wherever that is.  Hopefully someone will help you find it.

[ascfgdxz]

On 3/22/2019 at 11:24 AM, Rosetta said:

Your reaction to Wellbutrin should be enough to scare you away for good.

I still have Tinnitus from it that comes and goes, seemingly worse when I am feeling bad

 

On 3/22/2019 at 11:24 AM, Rosetta said:

just barely getting through my days most of the time

I am really so sorry, this breaks my heart

 

On 3/22/2019 at 11:24 AM, Rosetta said:

like right now you have no idea how much worse you could feel --- unless you listen to me

That's pretty terrifying. I am still 95% sure I am not going to take anymore drugs

 

On 3/22/2019 at 11:24 AM, Rosetta said:

You are lucky you don't have a child to care for yet

I am probably never having one because I have too many problems and wouldnt be able to care for one

 

On 3/22/2019 at 11:24 AM, Rosetta said:

 If your sister's friend takes anti-anxiety meds such as benzos, he will eventually get very sick

He is taking some sort of SSRI

 

On 3/22/2019 at 11:24 AM, Rosetta said:

Now, the stress of your case is causing me is too much worry.  I'm going to have to disengage.  I'm sorry.  It's really upsetting me that your doctor doesn't recognize an adverse reaction.  I'm having a difficult time this morning.  So, you will be in my thoughts.  I wish you well.  Please become as informed as you can before you make any decisions.  You have a chance to get well more quickly than most of us.  I hope you will take it.  

Please please do not be sorry for anything. I am very sorry that my stubbornness and ignorance is causing you stress when honestly what you're dealing with is probably way worse than me. I am more than happy to listen if you want to share with me, even in private message. I'd love to try and be there for you but I don't know how helpful I can be, totally up to you but I'll try.

 

Please feel free to disengage, you don't have to reply to anything. I am just worried about how you are feeling and hope you are feeling ok. Thanks

[Rosetta]

Please do not feel bad about my feelings.  I can handle it.  Otherwise, I would not try to help people here.  Often I can't handle it, and I do not read new threads.  Today is an ok day for me today or Im anhedonic or both!!

 

I'm frustrated and upset with the doctors and pharmaceutical employees who lead people to believe the drugs are safe and that they can be switched and used recklessly without risk.  Of course you are unsure what to believe!  Doctors are supposed to know what they are doing and they should "do no harm."  Your uncertainty does not make you stubborn.  I was ignorant, too.  I spent months deciding what to do, but my husband was set against the drugs instead of encouraging me to start them again.  For that I was lucky.  Had it been the opposite I'm not sure what might have happened.  I was in so much danger as it was.

 

What I find so distressing is that if family members are pushing the drugs, there is no time for the person to be unsure or to question the risk.  There is no time to read this website and try to absorb the info.  Taking more of the drugs risks more severe symptoms and the consequences become more dire.  If people such as you do as the doctor recommends the damage becomes more serious, and it takes longer to reach a point of stability in the nervous system.  At a certain point we can find safety from our dangerous thoughts, but the longer it takes to get there, the more risk that we will do something "rash."  So, I feel an urgency to convince you that adding more drugs will make your nervous system even less stable.  

 

Try the magnesium - a small dose -- such as 50 mg to start.  Then you can increase after you see how it affects you.  You can take more a few days later, etc., until you figure out what dose is the best.  If you take too much at once you will get diarreah.  So, that's a good way to judge when you have reached your limit.  It dissolves in water.  You can take it several times a day or sip a water bottle all day long.  I used a brand called Natural Vitality "Calm."  The bottle recommended 325 mg per dose which was way, way too much for my sensitive nervous system.   It's not a miracle supplement, but it has helped some people calm their nervous systems.  Gentle exercise - walking -- helps a lot, too, to calm the nervous system.

 

If you decide to try Omega 3 fish oil try it separately from the magnesium.  Stop the magnesium and try just the fish oil for a few days.  If you try both at once you won't know which one caused an increase in symptoms if you have any.

 

Good luck, Rosetta

[ascfgdxz]

On 3/23/2019 at 6:23 PM, Rosetta said:

Today is an ok day for me today

Very happy to hear, keep fighting!

 

On 3/23/2019 at 6:23 PM, Rosetta said:

So, I feel an urgency to convince you that adding more drugs will make your nervous system even less stable.  

Thank you, I'm not going to take any drugs. Even thinking of cutting down way more on alcohol. Right now I have 1-2drinks a day and I am going to try and change it to be more like 1-2 drinks a week

 

Yesterday and today are better days. The few days before that were pretty painful. One thought that is helping me is that I know all of this self hatred and stuff is B******t but I keep using it to protect myself in a way. I don't know exactly what the truth is but I know that this way of thinking and self treatment is warped perspective I use in order to live. How shameful is it that I can't live in reality, I need a false narrative in order to get by. I want to be able to be honest with myself and live IN reality, I don't want to need a lense of lies just to participate in life. So it's better to not know than to create and believe a lie. I don't know if I am a good person, I don't know what it takes to be happy or if I ever will. Hopefully I can keep trying, thank you

[Rosetta]

You should stop using alcohol all together.  It is kindling you.  Look up kindling by typing survivingantidepressants kindling into an outside search engine.  As long as you are kindling you will not retain your progress.  Alcohol is one of the worst to cause kindling, plus it is hard on your liver and kidneys and pancreas all of which need to balance hormones.  I know that sertraline makes alcohol even more effective at numbing you, but that means it affects your body even more severely.  If you want to get well faster stop using it all together.

[ascfgdxz]

6 hours ago, Rosetta said:

You should stop using alcohol all together.

Like none whatsoever? I normally drink 1-2 drinks a night, sometimes 3 or 4. Which never seemed like a problem to me, but the past week I've been dedicated to avoid drinking as much as possible, because it may make me feel better. It's a bit hard just because one of my hobbies is making cider at home, and I always have an abundance of it, I am too cheap to spend money on much store bought alcohol. Anyways, I have been saying no when offered drinks except one night when we had guests over, I had two drinks but I normally would have had like 6 or 8. I don't know if I can cut it out of my life completely unless there's really good reason to. But I can reduce it a lot, just like now I only have one coffee at morning, I used to have 3 or 4 a day.

 

I did look up kindling. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am suffering WD anymore, it's been a long time since very short term use of ADs. I don't think mild alcohol consumption is bad but again I could be wrong, I am going to not drink at all until I am around others and just occasionally on the weekend like one or two beers a week. Hopefully in the future I can drink more.

 

Thanks again for your comment.

 

BTW having my sister to talk to helps a lot. I am still dealing with feelings of just feeling bad during the day with no cause and it's frustrating because I am trying and working hard. But I am proud of myself because I'm able to deal with it better now. I realize that emotion and thoughts are congruent, if I feel bad, I only think about the negative things, so now I force myself to think about the things I love and am excited for. I also have realized that when I feel good, I feel "sober" and clear headed and I have hope and don't think very negative thoughts, those are the thoughts that make sense, when I feel bad, my thought are negative and I don't feel clear headed, so I need to tell myself that the thought I am thinking are wrong, this feeling WILL pass and to not trust my brain at the moment. I also think about how negative behaviour would destroy my family that I love and I also think about how I am trusting all you lovely people who tell me that this won't last forever.

 

So in conclusion, I am able to help myself feel better by telling myself the feeling will pass, I wont feel this way forever, i am getting better, I need to try for my family, I need to think of the good things and not trust my current brain, talk to my sister, etc. Ultimately it still sucks because I just feel bad and cant really shake it. But wow this level of feeling bad is so much better still than weeks ago. I think the big difference is trying to feel better vs actively trying to make myself feel as bad as possible.

 

Thank you

 

 

[Rosetta]

I agree that you are not in acute withdrawal.  You probably never were.  You have a destabilized nervous system which is a condition sometimes called protracted withdrawal, but not in your case as your destabilized nervous system was caused to become destabilized by an adverse reaction.   Adverse reactions are also caused by antibiotics contains fluoride such as Cipro.  This horror you are experiencing is the fate of people who took Cipro or Levaquin also.  Doctors don't recognize their illnesses either and often put them on ADs for the psychological effects of the destabilized nervous system.  Some of those people have an adverse reaction to the AD and end up more destabilized.  Once the system is destabilized it can become more destabilized due to various substances from outside the body (or even inside the body such as hormones -- this is my main problem at the moment I believe.). 

 

The fact that we can have such an injury to our nervous systems and therefore feel those terrible feelings due to having taken a drug that is supposed to help us improve our mental states does seem ridiculous, doesn't it?  This entire situation is ridiculous  I also thought that a glass of wine every so often was fine, and then I tried having none.  When I tried to have some again, I could see the difference, and so I quit completely.   I may have mentioned that using benzos ocassionally or having adrenaline based numbing agents at the dentist can also cause further destabilization.  So can using antibiotics containing fluoride.  We call it a "sensitized nervous system," and once it is sensitized substances that never bothered one before can really hurt the person.  Some people even become sensitized to the ADs or benzos they are hooked on, and they have to cold turkey them.

 

Im glad to hear that you think you feel better than a few weeks ago.  That's great news.  

 

Yes, I feel terrible when I wake up and for several hours afterward.  Sometimes it lets up earlier and sometimes it stays with me until 2:00 or 3:00.  I never know.  Trying to control my thoughts doesn't work, but sometimes distraction does.  Getting out in the sunshine usually makes a difference however small.  The problem is cortisol.  Our destabilized nervous systems make too much of it and/or we have sensitivities to the cortisol.  Cortisol starts rising in the body around 4:00 am and is supposed to get to a level that helps us wake up naturally.  Instead, our nervous systems have too much and it makes us feel upset.  As it wears off throughout the day, we feel better.  Evening is usually the best time for many people on SA.

 

Rosetta

 

 

 

 

[Shep]

12 hours ago, ascfgdxz said:

Like none whatsoever? I normally drink 1-2 drinks a night, sometimes 3 or 4. Which never seemed like a problem to me, but the past week I've been dedicated to avoid drinking as much as possible, because it may make me feel better.

 

18 hours ago, Rosetta said:

You should stop using alcohol all together.  It is kindling you.  Look up kindling by typing survivingantidepressants kindling into an outside search engine.  As long as you are kindling you will not retain your progress.  Alcohol is one of the worst to cause kindling, plus it is hard on your liver and kidneys and pancreas all of which need to balance hormones.  I know that sertraline makes alcohol even more effective at numbing you, but that means it affects your body even more severely.  If you want to get well faster stop using it all together.

 

Asc, what Rosetta wrote is very true. I would encourage you to research how alcohol (even 1 or 2 drinks) effects sleep. For example, it effects your circadian rhythm and blocks REM sleep. Since you already know you're predisposed to feelings of depression, I would abstain from alcohol completely for a few months and see if your mood improves.

 

You already know you're sensitive to drugs (and it's a good thing to find out when you're only 23). It's possible you may be sensitive to alcohol, as well. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. And if you're someone who's sensitive to this, you may find you feel a lot better by not putting a central nervous system depressant into your mind/body. You won't know until you give it a good trial run for a few weeks or better, a few months, especially while you're healing from this adverse reaction to the AD. 

 

[powerback]

12 hours ago, ascfgdxz said:

one of my hobbies is making cider at home,

Hi ,Its cool to have hobbies ,how do you even test the strength of your home brew? ,you could switch to make kombucha and kefir ,I used to make my own water kefir .I cant have Kombucha ,I'm an addict so the traces of alcohol in it  are dangerous for me .

Being so young is the best advantage there is ,keep at it and understanding your body .as shep talks about the circadian rhythm ,get into this routine of bed early and up early .,especially living in Canada ,make the most of the light in the day .

 

6 to 8 drinks [your higher limit] should never be an option if we are prone to depression .I really understand your situation with trying to be "normal" and do what others do in your peer group .if theres one thing I would love to do after many years of self destruction and self medicating and that's turn back time and  never touch Alcohol ,this drug was a gateway to every problem I ever had . 

Give yourself a good break from it and see how you get on .

 

Its cool you have a good relationship with your sister , I have on also ,but sadly when im as bad as I am lately I have to isolate myself ,my dark waves are simply toxic .

Take care and revel in all the time ahead to heal and understand  who you are . 

 

[ascfgdxz]

20 hours ago, Rosetta said:

You have a destabilized nervous system

So is this a permanent thing or will it eventually heal?

 

20 hours ago, Rosetta said:

seem ridiculous, doesn't it?

Certainly. I just hate how if you talk about it, people are like "Yeah but it helps so many people, how do you know it doesn't work if you just haven't found the right one"

 

20 hours ago, Rosetta said:

When I tried to have some again, I could see the difference, and so I quit completely.

So do you think as more time passes for you or I, I can drink again or now I am too sensitive to drink at all? Same for coffee, none?

 

20 hours ago, Rosetta said:

containing fluoride

Does this include flouride in drinking water?

 

20 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Im glad to hear that you think you feel better than a few weeks ago.  That's great news.  

 

Thank you! Yes still bad but better, also helps that a lot of my hard work is paying off right now in life in terms of money, jobs, logistics etc

 

21 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Evening is usually the best time for many people on SA.

Thanks for the explanation on cortisol. For me, I historically get worse in the evening. Mainly not because of emotional reasons but because I keep myself occupied and busy all day and at evening when I try to unwind, that's when I get lost in my head and destroy myself. Thanks again

[ascfgdxz]

13 hours ago, Shep said:

Asc, what Rosetta wrote is very true. I would encourage you to research how alcohol (even 1 or 2 drinks) effects sleep. For example, it effects your circadian rhythm and blocks REM sleep. Since you already know you're predisposed to feelings of depression, I would abstain from alcohol completely for a few months and see if your mood improves.

 

You already know you're sensitive to drugs (and it's a good thing to find out when you're only 23). It's possible you may be sensitive to alcohol, as well. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. And if you're someone who's sensitive to this, you may find you feel a lot better by not putting a central nervous system depressant into your mind/body. You won't know until you give it a good trial run for a few weeks or better, a few months, especially while you're healing from this adverse reaction to the AD. 

I haven't drink at all for I think 6 days and am going to keep it up and limit to 1-2 drinks per week at most mainly because of the social factor. I definitely agree that even one drink now feels like 4 or 5 drinks sometimes mainly when I am feeling very emotionally negative, doesn't really happen when I feel good. So it may be worth it to quit entirely for some months. Basically every weekend over the summer there will be lots of drinking and I don't want to look like some pious nut. I am willing to go entirely without alcohol for 1.5 more months, maybe start there. My brain was definitely HIGHLY sensitive to taking small amounts of psychadelic drugs. I am wondering if I can never drink alcohol/coffee or take psychadelic drugs or marijuanna. I will start for now being sober for 1.5months and see from there thank you.

[ascfgdxz]

13 hours ago, powerback said:

Hi ,Its cool to have hobbies ,how do you even test the strength of your home brew?

Yeah I really enjoy it and makes it hard for me to choose to never drink again for life, would basically mean throwing away supplies and the hobby. I test it with a hydrometer

 

13 hours ago, powerback said:

Being so young is the best advantage there is

It's weird eh, everyone says I am so young and they are absolutely correct. But I already feel old and like I have lived sooo long and theres a long eternity of life left to live, it all feels so long. Kind of dreading working away my whole life, almost want to be old and retired already

 

13 hours ago, powerback said:

get into this routine of bed early and up early

Excellent tip, I am going to do this! Usually sleep at 1am, will try to sleep at 10:00 or 10:30, thank you for another good suggestion, you guys are incredibly helpful.

 

13 hours ago, powerback said:

6 to 8 drinks [your higher limit] should never be an option if we are prone to depression

I've had dozens of nights of 9-11 drinks and have had a few nights of 11-14 drinks and those resulted in injury, blackout, getting lost, making horrible decisions and being in a state of thinking I am dreaming and heavily confused. Honestly, I am very very sick of heavy drinking and want to keep it light if any, even when I go back to college. Which kind of sucks because it may make it harder to make friends and i am already bad at that.

 

13 hours ago, powerback said:

I have on also ,but sadly when im as bad as I am lately I have to isolate myself

Would you ever talk to your family? Please don't isolate, it makes it worse. Are the negative things youre going through just bby chance and random or related to thoughts or circumstances? Can you try using CBT to get change the thoughts or if the thoughts are not valid and untrue, do opposite action of your typical negative coping behaviour. For example, do the opposite of isolating like seeing people, talking to family or friends etc.

 

13 hours ago, powerback said:

Take care and revel in all the time ahead to heal and understand  who you are . 

Thank you

[Rosetta]

Your nervous system will eventually re-balance if you stop irritating it.  I think that someday you will be able to drink again years from now.  

 

As as for coffee, I drink decaf.  I have thought about stopping.  Maybe in the Summer I will.  

 

Good question about fluoride in the water. You could try buying Spring water.

 

"People" do not know anything about these drugs.  Doctors don't either.  The whole point to this website is that these pills are not like aspirin.  They are very powerful, they are addictive, they change the brain.  They are not interchangeable.  They don't cover for each other.  It is NOT safe to take one drug for a while and then switch to another because the first drug "didn't work."  That is a recipe for disaster.  That is called a cold switch.  That what ruined my life!!!  Doctors do not know this because the studies that show bad outcomes for people are not published.  The pharmaceutical companies are allowed to hide information that could bring this problem into the light.  

 

Altostrata has been pulling together articles and piecing together the mechanics of this iatrogenic disaster for many years.  This is a massive, world-wide scourge that has harmed more people than many wars.  The opioid disaster is similar, but people know and understand that opium is addictive and harmful.  It is easy to understand that opium and opioids are the same thing and cause the same addiction, the same withdrawal and some people even understand that opioids cause PAWS -- "protracted acute withdrawal syndrome."  For some reason I cannot quite grasp the idea that ADs can cause a syndrome very similar to PAWS is resisted, and dismissed.  

 

It is beyond me that doctors are dismissive of adverse reaction symptoms and dismiss them as "start up symptoms."  It's as if they never had a class about adverse reactions in medical school.  Maybe they didn't!!!

 

You have had an injury to your nervous system from an adverse reaction to an AD, and if someone is telling you that you should try a different AD because it might be better for you than the one that harmed you, that person does not understand what it means to have experienced an injury to the nervous system.   

[Rosetta]

Well, you wouldn't be the first 24 year old to care more about not looking like a pious nut than you do about protecting your brain and nervous system.  

[ascfgdxz]

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Your nervous system will eventually re-balance if you stop irritating it.  I think that someday you will be able to drink again years from now.

Wow that is a long time, surprising that a few days of these drugs cause years of sensitivity and not being able to drink?

 

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Well, you wouldn't be the first 24 year old to care more about not looking like a pious nut than you do about protecting your brain and nervous system.  

Well yes you're right. And I am not THAT concerned with what others think, I am happy being DD and am ok saying no to drinking. I just can't dance or enjoy the bar sober or anything that's typically what people do in college. Whatever, I can focus more on grades, I have no idea how to dance anyways, I should be talking about this on this forum. Ok I'm going to do one coffee a day and one drink per week. 

 

2 hours ago, Rosetta said:

"People" do not know anything about these drugs.  Doctors don't either.  The whole point to this website is that these pills are not like aspirin.  They are very powerful, they are addictive, they change the brain.  They are not interchangeable.  They don't cover for each other.  It is NOT safe to take one drug for a while and then switch to another because the first drug "didn't work."  That is a recipe for disaster.  That is called a cold switch.  That what ruined my life!!!  Doctors do not know this because the studies that show bad outcomes for people are not published.  The pharmaceutical companies are allowed to hide information that could bring this problem into the light.  

 

Altostrata has been pulling together articles and piecing together the mechanics of this iatrogenic disaster for many years.  This is a massive, world-wide scourge that has harmed more people than many wars.  The opioid disaster is similar, but people know and understand that opium is addictive and harmful.  It is easy to understand that opium and opioids are the same thing and cause the same addiction, the same withdrawal and some people even understand that opioids cause PAWS -- "protracted acute withdrawal syndrome."  For some reason I cannot quite grasp the idea that ADs can cause a syndrome very similar to PAWS is resisted, and dismissed.  

 

It is beyond me that doctors are dismissive of adverse reaction symptoms and dismiss them as "start up symptoms."  It's as if they never had a class about adverse reactions in medical school.  Maybe they didn't!!!

 

You have had an injury to your nervous system from an adverse reaction to an AD, and if someone is telling you that you should try a different AD because it might be better for you than the one that harmed you, that person does not understand what it means to have experienced an injury to the nervous system.   

Some really incredible insight. It would be great to have a documentary on the subject that goes into great detail with all the evidence and the reality of the situation. One single doc thats well made would be really effective for addressing the issue and bringing awareness. You're right, the opiod epidemic and its harmful effects are known in mainstream culture now. I wonder what it took to make the harmful effects of these drugs and the truth of the system so well known and if the same process can be applied to ADs. 

 

 

[ascfgdxz]

The past 4 or 5 days have been the best I have had in months. My very negative thoughts have been disappearing more and more and today I don't think I thought about it at all. I believe this mainly has to do with the fact that summer is here, I have a job starting, I am looking forward to having fun over the summer in the outdoors and school in the fall. Feels SO good to not be like I was before. This time this good feeling feels like it will stick around hopefully. I still think I need to get therapy and keep working on self improvement because I feel as though my external situation has improved but not so much my internal. So basically, if my coping skills can only handle 3/10 and my external situation was 1/10 then I wasn't able to handle it. But now that I feel better it's likely because the external situation is 5 or 6/10 but my coping skills are more or less the same which means I am still vulnerable to a bad event.

 

When I was taking wellbutrin, I developed tinnitus and it stuck with me after I stopped as well. It happened for weeks and started happening less and less and now almost never. So if the tinnitus is indicative of lasting effects of adverse reaction, then maybe it is also possible that I feel better as the effects of the drugs have left and my nervous system has stabilized. 

 

Thank all of you again, really you guys saved me from being far worse for far longer term and I am glad you guys are around and for letting me trust you. Still don't want to celebrate because it hasn't been long enough but wow, I feel so much better than I have in months, less irritable, happy, excited about things again, wayyyy less very negative thoughts. Thank you

[Altostrata]

That's very good news, ascf.

 

Please never take a psychiatric drug for a bad situation, it's the situation that needs changing. Enjoy the summer and practice creating good situations. Please let us know how you're doing.

[Shep]

13 hours ago, ascfgdxz said:

Thank all of you again, really you guys saved me from being far worse for far longer term and I am glad you guys are around and for letting me trust you. Still don't want to celebrate because it hasn't been long enough but wow, I feel so much better than I have in months, less irritable, happy, excited about things again, wayyyy less very negative thoughts. Thank you

 

Asc, you've made my day. I'm really glad you are doing so well.

 

Please come back in a few months and write a success story for us. It would mean a lot to have a short-time user and adverse-effect survivor leave a success story for others going through this. 

[ascfgdxz]

On 3/30/2019 at 5:59 PM, Altostrata said:

That's very good news, ascf.

 

Please never take a psychiatric drug for a bad situation, it's the situation that needs changing. Enjoy the summer and practice creating good situations. Please let us know how you're doing.

Thank you.

 

On 3/31/2019 at 7:06 AM, Shep said:

Asc, you've made my day. I'm really glad you are doing so well.

Thank you. I am glad too. I only feel like I am where I was before the depression spell. Which is still a lot to work on because I fear this happening again. Once a day or so, I experience anger at someone or feel pointless or something and I get scared that I am going to fall back into a huge depression and I will never be better. But overall, the feeling is going away. I need to find a way to get rid of these feelings of pointlessness and no meaning. I had my first day of work today which was nice to make money, keep busy, talk to people my age etc.

 

One thing I noticed that may or may not be coincidence, I stopped drinking alcohol and feeling good happened around the same time. I had one drink yesterday and had that gut depression misery feeling again. May be possible that even a bit of alcohol is making me depressed. Going to continue keeping away from it. I am considering trying marijuanna as a replacement one day but not anytime soon.

 

On 3/31/2019 at 7:06 AM, Shep said:

Please come back in a few months and write a success story for us

I wish I was at that point, not at all there yet. I definitely will once I am. I would love to share all the strategies that helped me. 

[Altostrata]

Yes, it's very possible that alcohol is causing your down moods.

[Shep]

10 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Yes, it's very possible that alcohol is causing your down moods.

 

Ditto this, Asc. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. 

 

Your body is telling you something. Best to listen.

 

12 hours ago, ascfgdxz said:

I had my first day of work today which was nice to make money, keep busy, talk to people my age etc.

 

Congratulations on getting through your first day. Sounds like you are enjoying your job. 

[ascfgdxz]

Hi. Would like to provide a small update and ask about side effects. 

 

So I had a temporary job for two weeks and during that time, I barely had any very depressed thoughts at all and I felt ok and less irritable. Now that job is over and I am visiting my sister that I dont get along with for a week and feeling pretty bad again. Hopefully once I start the next job, I will feel good again. Currently struggling a lot with bad thoughts, but even though its really bad right now and unbearable, its still better than months ago. I really hope I go back up again in improving. 

 

Now I would like some feedback regarding side effects if I could. My adverse reaction to Sertraline caused me to have Hypnagogia that I had never experienced before (pretty scary). Now sometimes at night, very vaguely, I hear noises or voices. Now I have no history of schizophrenia in the family, I dont actually hear anything, its just like in my thoughts in the background a bit, not too noticeable, and some nights instead of just seeing blackness and some lights like usual, I will vaguely kind of just barely see patterns and colours. So is this due to the adverse reaction? Am I entering psychosis or something? Makes me worried. 

 

Wellbutrin caused me to have tinnitus which went away a lot once I stopped. But it comes back every now and then and seemingly it comes back when I am feeling very bad emotionally, so is it dus to the antidepressant and is it possibly linked to damage to my brain and possibly part of the reason Im feeling badly?

 

It may be coincidence, but it really does seem like when I am drinking, I feel worse. In the past like 3 weeks, I think I have only drank four times because im avoiding feeling bad. I never used to have this reaction before, maybe I am imagining it. Really sucks having to not drink alcohol basically.

 

I have also noticed that even before taking antidepressants and including until now, when I feel very very bad, I have the need to have a bowel movement immediately and its usually a painful diarrhea. Emberrasing, but is this as a result of feeling so bad, or the cause or not related in any way or signifies to something more grand?

 

Thanks everyone!

[Shep]

19 hours ago, ascfgdxz said:

Now I would like some feedback regarding side effects if I could. My adverse reaction to Sertraline caused me to have Hypnagogia that I had never experienced before (pretty scary). Now sometimes at night, very vaguely, I hear noises or voices. Now I have no history of schizophrenia in the family, I dont actually hear anything, its just like in my thoughts in the background a bit, not too noticeable, and some nights instead of just seeing blackness and some lights like usual, I will vaguely kind of just barely see patterns and colours. So is this due to the adverse reaction? Am I entering psychosis or something? Makes me worried. 

 

Wellbutrin caused me to have tinnitus which went away a lot once I stopped. But it comes back every now and then and seemingly it comes back when I am feeling very bad emotionally, so is it dus to the antidepressant and is it possibly linked to damage to my brain and possibly part of the reason Im feeling badly?

 

It may be coincidence, but it really does seem like when I am drinking, I feel worse. In the past like 3 weeks, I think I have only drank four times because im avoiding feeling bad. I never used to have this reaction before, maybe I am imagining it. Really sucks having to not drink alcohol basically.

 

 

Please keep a symptoms journal offline (no need to do it here because you're not tapering).  Use the journal to see if some of these upticks in symptoms are coming from the days when you drink. 

 

To answer your question - No, you are not developing "psychosis". 

 

If you feel worse when you drink, don't drink. It doesn't sound like you're dealing with the "craving" form of addiction, but rather, not wanting to cave to peer pressure and drink with your friends. 

 

Just stop worrying about developing psychosis. That's not at all how that works. 

 

You're sensitive to drugs and alcohol and you're bored in between jobs. Please find a hobby to work on so you have something to occupy your mind in between jobs. 

 

Boredom is never good, especially for folks like you who have those worrying, analytical minds that are in gear all the time. Give your worrying mind something productive to do and I bet you'll feel better. 

 

[ascfgdxz]

Wow. Having the worst night in months. I am in crisis, my negative thoughts are in full force. I am scared and honestly think ive ruined my life and its over. I see no solutions whatsoever. The only help available is drugs. I cant be ok by seeing a therapist twice a month. I need a lobotomy or something. Really terrified and scared, dont know what to do. 

[ascfgdxz]

Please disregard previous message. Was a very bad night. Im ok now, ignore all thanks

[ascfgdxz]

On 4/18/2019 at 6:56 AM, Shep said:

 

Please keep a symptoms journal offline (no need to do it here because you're not tapering).  Use the journal to see if some of these upticks in symptoms are coming from the days when you drink. 

 

To answer your question - No, you are not developing "psychosis". 

 

If you feel worse when you drink, don't drink. It doesn't sound like you're dealing with the "craving" form of addiction, but rather, not wanting to cave to peer pressure and drink with your friends. 

 

Just stop worrying about developing psychosis. That's not at all how that works. 

 

You're sensitive to drugs and alcohol and you're bored in between jobs. Please find a hobby to work on so you have something to occupy your mind in between jobs. 

 

Boredom is never good, especially for folks like you who have those worrying, analytical minds that are in gear all the time. Give your worrying mind something productive to do and I bet you'll feel better. 

 

Thank you. Not sure how to reply but great tips and a journal is a good idea

[Rosetta]

Are you feeling any better?  I know what you are feeling only too well.  It's outrageous that this consequence of taking ADs was never explained to us.  I think that if beforehand a person truly understood how horrible this is the person would NEVER consent to taking ADs or benzos.  You will get through this.  You will survive this and every day that you let your body heal is one more day that you are closer to being normal again.  As to whether there is a solution that involves drugs, I simply don't know, but no one has found one that is free of the risk that we will feel worse.  There should be an antidote available before any of these drugs are ever prescribed again!!  Hang in there.  You really will get through this wave. -R

[Rosetta]

Whew!!  That was short!  I'm so pleased for you.  You are going to be fine.  

[ascfgdxz]

22 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Are you feeling any better?  I know what you are feeling only too well.  It's outrageous that this consequence of taking ADs was never explained to us.  I think that if beforehand a person truly understood how horrible this is the person would NEVER consent to taking ADs or benzos.  You will get through this.  You will survive this and every day that you let your body heal is one more day that you are closer to being normal again.  As to whether there is a solution that involves drugs, I simply don't know, but no one has found one that is free of the risk that we will feel worse.  There should be an antidote available before any of these drugs are ever prescribed again!!  Hang in there.  You really will get through this wave. -R

Hey Rosetta, thanks again for your support. I was bad all day at wotk but am ok now tonighy. No idea how ill be coming up. When i feel ok, im not thinking much about my hopeless future. When i feel bad, im not hiding from how hopeless things are. Thank you, i hope ill be fine. Lot of negative thoughts today. Anyways, goodnight!

[ascfgdxz]

Man, I am really not doing well at all, worse and worse. Hyperventilating so many nights, getting as bad as months ago again. I think over the past two months i took no lorazepam. In the past three days ive taken 2mg. 

 

I am being to be completely hopless of ever getting better. Almost want drugs so i can get a chemical lobotomy and stop being me. Think im throwing in the towel, i will never be better. My very negative thoughts are a lot stronger. I dont know what to do. Thanks

[Rosetta]

Many people have suggested that the feeling we will never get better IS a symptom of this dysautonomia.  It might as well be called that.  It comes and goes just like all the other symptoms.  It's so strong during a wave.  We have to remember to not do anything during this time at we might regret later.  If it were as simple as taking a drug to stop this nightmare!  It's perfectly natural to think that thought.  I certainly curse the people who created this mess without any way out that isn't long, slow and miserable.   You are writing down the good times, and that is soooooo important.  At some point it will get easier to take a deep breath and remember the better times so that you can find the patience to wait for the wave to pass.  I hope you feel better very soon! -R

[ascfgdxz]

I am sorry. I really accept defeat. Thanks everyone for trying to help me. It got me through the past months. Goodbye. I wish you all well on the rest of your lives

[ChessieCat]

Hi asc,

 

If you are feeling suicidal please seek local support.  Please see this topic:  for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal

 

This is the link for support in Canada:  canada-suicide-hotlines

 

[ascfgdxz]

17 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Hi asc,

 

If you are feeling suicidal please seek local support.  Please see this topic:  for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal

 

This is the link for support in Canada:  canada-suicide-hotlines

 

Literally the only help available to me is hospitalization and forceful injection of psychiatric drugs. Even talking to people, all people say is psychiatric drugs. Is that all thats out there? I have done all of your suggestions, I have no other ideas. I am so depressed now. No energy AT ALL, I don't care about ANYTHING, everything is pointless, everything is pointless, all communication is empty and shallow and no one is happy. My life is over already, I really see nothing I can do now unless I want to be hospitalized, injected with drugs, shamed by everyone, lose my job, not go to college, lose my opportunity to be done with it all, be a major burden that doesn't even get better. I can't talk to you guys about it, and everyone else treats me like I am a delusional mentally ill person "rejecting treatment". I don't want your ******* drugs and I don't know what I can do. What else is there, I need big change, I give up