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SkyStreamer: tapering off Cipralex / escitalopram safely

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SkyStreamer

Thanks for your responses @Hamster @jozeff & @Gridley

 

Holding off on my tapering for a good while sounds like sound advice. I'm so suggestible in these states that it's almost impossible to differentiate between helpful and unhelpful advice, unless, of course, if it's extreme.

 

This job involves some writing and my brain is not able to write that well in this state. And, I have good writing skills! I just can't seem to form sentences well, think of proper words, or connect sentences and ideas together. Its all so foggy and so frustrating. I used to be so good at writing when not in these sensitive states. 

 

Everything in my day-to-day life right  now is like giving birth. Everything is extremely difficult. In many instances, it feels like life, itself, is an impossible task and some cruel overseeing Being is simply torturing me by allowing me to live and asking me to persevere. Its exactly like the story of Sisyphus, who had to try and roll the circular bolder up the mountain and place it on a very fine point, only to have it repeatedly fall down again and again, over and over.

 

I'm really not sure that I will make it through this job. I'll give it my best shot, but I really don't have a lot of hope in things turning out well. That's the truth. 

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wantrelief
2 hours ago, SkyStreamer said:

Everything is extremely difficult.

I totally get what you mean, SkyStreamer.  I really admire that you are even trying the job - that takes a lot of courage.  Wishing you the best with the job and everything else.

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SkyStreamer

Thanks @wantrelief I appreciate your kind comments.

 

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SkyStreamer

I am desperate for books on enduring withdrawal and recovering from it. Does anyone have any recommendations??

 

I'm down to 6.9mg of my Cipralex dose, and just started working part-time at an outside office after working form home part-time for 3 years. I will be moving to full-time at this office in a few weeks.

 

I am going through an agonizing time with a lot of anxiety and depression since I started working part-time in this office job. Before this, my symptoms were tolerable. 

 

So far, I have only come across one book: "Recovery and Renewal" by V Baylissa Frederick.  

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SkyStreamer

I've slowly developed a lot more WD symptoms over the last month: higher levels of anxiety, more intense depression, racing thoughts, lightheadedness, irritability, agitation, sore neck and back, and a big intolerance for stress.

 

I just started working part-time over 2 months ago, and will be starting a 32 hours a week job this coming January. I'm scared that I will spiral out of control once I start working these full-time hours. 

 

I don't know if I should go ahead with this or not? I'm really scared, and my mind is constantly telling me that things will end up very bad for me if I do take on these full-time hours.

 

Is there any way that I can know for sure, before I start, whether this 32 hour per week position will be the ruin of me? Or, is it simply something I will have to try in order to know?

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SkyStreamer

Please help - I really need some advice!

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SkyStreamer

In my three years of withdrawal, there have been many things I've been very anxious about doing, but was still able to do. And, there have been some things that I was very anxious about that I wasn't able to do. The presence of anxiety, for me, isn't an indication of a likelihood of failure - it's merely a sign that I have uncertainty and that I'm scared and worried about one possible outcome. 

 

I've done my due diligence up to this point: I've talked to people I trust; I've tried to listen to my own heart; and, I've taken into consideration all the circumstances and factors related to this situation. In the end, I'm still not sure if working four-days per week is good for me. It may be beneficial or it may not be. So, I'm just going to go ahead and give it a shot. And, I'll try my best not to worry about or fear anything along the way.

 

Worse case scenario, if things don't work out: I end up leaving the job, recuperate for a period of time, and then try something else with the experience and knowledge I gained. 

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Gridley
8 minutes ago, SkyStreamer said:

So, I'm just going to go ahead and give it a shot. And, I'll try my best not to worry about or fear anything along the way.

 

Worse case scenario, if things don't work out: I end up leaving the job, recuperate for a period of time, and then try something else with the experience and knowledge I gained. 

That sounds like a good plan, Skystreamer.

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Hamster
On 11/26/2019 at 2:10 PM, SkyStreamer said:

I am desperate for books on enduring withdrawal and recovering from it. Does anyone have any recommendations??

 

Hi SkyStreamer,

 

no recommendations for books on withdrawal, but two books which helped me to cope with my symptoms (withdrawal-related or not): 

 

The User's Guide to the Human Mind: Why Our Brains Make Us Unhappy, Anxious, and Neurotic and What We Can Do about It / Shawn T. Smith

The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living /  Russ Harris, Steven Hayes

 

The first one was an eye-opener for me to find out why I went into depression in the first place (there are valid reasons for our mind to ruminate ...). The second book basically is about ACT. The focus is on acceptance (of our bad moods e.g.) and thriving nevertheless.  It helped me a lot to stop fighting with my mind.

 

Good luck!

 

Hamster

 

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SkyStreamer

I'm a writer by trade. But, since my last few small drops in my dose, I have found writing to be very challenging. I have a hard time finding the write words, forming good sentences, and creating confluent paragraphs. And, my creativity seems to be at such a reduced level. Is this normal even for the very small reductions of my dose I've made in the last few months (i.e. 2%-3%)?

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Erell

hi Skystreamer, 

 

I don't know if this is "normal" but in WD everything seems "normal" !

Maybe your CNS need time now to adapt to all the changes, even with small cuts : you could hold on your dose for some time to let it work.

 

Best wishes

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SkyStreamer

Well, I've now been at this new job for close to two months. And, although there have been some very challenging times, and toxic people that I've had to deal with, I've survived thus far and seem to be doing better as the weeks go by. 

 

I was very worried about whether I could cope through this, but somehow I've managed. I'm very proud of myself for getting through this challenging period. Starting a new job is never an easy thing to do, and it is all the more challenging when experiencing WD. 

 

 

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SkyStreamer

I was hit today with the most intense unpleasant feelings I've had in a long time: extreme despair, meaninglessness, complete lack of motivation, numbness, emptiness, indifference, anger, and rage. I haven't acted on any of these, but have just been experiencing them internally. It feels like a tsunami of indescribable, limitless pain and suffering. At one point, I tried to just feel it in my body, and it became even more painful and unpleasant. 

 

I don't know what to do in this state, other than to just try and accept and embrace it, and to try not to let it move into my mind where it will manufacture a whole army of negative thoughts. Gosh - It's such a torture of a challenge to even try to do this. 

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