GonnaBeOk: protracted Prozac withdrawal horrible

[GonnaBeOk]

I'm needing help with liquid prozac question, please. Called to get refill today and of course they no longer carry the generic that I've only used once.  I saw this post:

 

23 hours ago, Gridley said:

 

If you can find a pharmacy with your brand, that would be best.

 

If you have any of your old brand left, it's less stressful to your system to do a crossover:

3/4 old brand, 1/4 new brand for 3 to 7 days

1/2, 1/2 for three to 7 days

1/4 old, 3/4 new for 3 to 7 days

all new thereafter

 

If you have a question that pertains to you, it's best not to start a new topic but rather to post in your Introductory thread.  That way, all your information is in one place.

 

Could someone please walk me through this 👆step by step: I'm only taking tiny miniscule liquid amount with a small syringe, but have heard of adding water so you can take bigger amounts.  I don't understand how to do that (prob because of where my brain is and I can't find a post). Is there someone out there who could walk me through?  I"m taking .13ml (.5mg) right now, and don't have a math brain...and especially not a WD math brain with anxiety and panic piled on top. I"m assuming just measuring straight out (no dilution) with my 1ml syringe would not be accurate, but I am blanking on how to add water and make this work. 

 

For the kind person who answers: could you please show me the math calculations using my dose of .13ml so I can try to figure it out as my dose changes later? (or am I making all this too difficult and it's actually easy to figure out?). THANK YOU!

[GonnaBeOk]

F 4/5

About 7 hours total sleep last night...always fitful, never restful, always broken up, ugh

Woke up with moderate anxiety

845 am: 0.5mg Prozac

Still have akathesia (not worse) and lots of tingling and numbness in face and arms and hands

Not crying as much, but still very panicky, agoraphobic, lots of SI still, but not as intense (this is such a crazy symptom to me! It has never been part of "me" until WD. I think it's part of akathesia). 

Early evening: more anxious. Could be too much SA perusing--not good.

10pm melatonin and bed.

 

Sa 4/6

BAD SLEEP last night (Maybe total of 4 hours combined, all broken up and not restful)

Woke with lots of bad anxiety, SI (always worse with poor sleep); always akathesia--which is worse/more pronounced with less sleep. 

Afternoon to evening:

Feeling apathetic, "sick" and low. Head feels full. Lots of tinnitus. Cried some.

Took shower

10:15 pm:  Melatonin and bed

 

I have barely left my house in probably 9 months. What the heck. This was NOT me! This terror and agoraphobia are crazy. 

 

Rant: I seriously wonder if my sleep is never going to be the same.  Yes, it was worse several months ago (due to unusual stress), but since last July,  it takes an act of congress, two very "loud" white noise devices, no one in bed with me (my husband sleeps in the guest room in case he moves so it doesn't wake me up), and lots of hope to get any meaningful sleep at all. I'm doing EVERYTHING suggested and it's just not "real" sleep. It always follows the pattern of: I fall asleep pretty easily with 1mg melatonin (within 15-20 minutes of laying down, usually) and always without fail wake up 2, 3 hours later; stay awake an hour or 2 or 3 or so (this NEVER used to happen before withdrawal), and then fall hopefully back to sleep for another hour or two...or I might be up the rest of the day until I go to sleep the following night. I can't nap anymore.   I NEVER feel tired during the day no matter how little sleep I get at night. Rather, it expresses itself in worse akathesia and always feeling wired up and anxious constantly the next day. Gosh, I miss naps and real wonderful restorative sleep. Even with just a few hours of sleep, I feel as if I've drunk 3 pots of coffee and stuck my finger in a light socket. No peace, ever. This has been going on almost a year.  I had a memory recently to 22 years ago when our youngest was born and he used to wake up at 530am on the regular and it used to drive me nuts. Well, sheesh! I'd give my right arm to sleep until 530am any more! Imagine what a treat to go to bed at 10 and wake up at 530!. I see people posting on here lamenting that they wake up at 5 and 6am. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS PEOPLE!  

 

@Altostrata I'm almost 2 weeks in on 0.5mg liquid Prozac.  Only significant difference is feeling "flat" and not crying as much (but the depression is still most definitely there, as well as all the other symptoms including the horrible paralyzing anxiety). Nothing seems worse that I can tell. Do I continue on this dose for a while longer?  I know sometimes you advise to give it for 3 or 4 weeks. How do I know when I've "arrived" at a correct dose? My symptoms are so awful, I'm not sure how much less awful would be considered "normal" for withdrawal. Thank you for any feedback. Appreciate your time.

 

 

 

[Tweet]

Gonna, 

Just wanted to let you know that melatonin can make some of the down symptoms like depression worse for me. I quit it quite a while ago for that reason. I use Bachs  RescuehRemedy both for anxiety and sleep. It is drops on your tongue and acts in minutes to calm you down. Never had any problem.

[GonnaBeOk]

@Tweet Thank you for that. I did know about that, and have not had that issue (I mean, not worsening anyway). Thank you for your concern. I'll also check out Bachs Rescue Remedy sometime.

 

Su 4/7

Slept total combined 7 hours (10-1; 2-5; 530-730). Wish so bad I could sleep straight through and feel GOOD when I wake up.

moderate anxiety upon waking up

845am 0.5 mg Prozac

12 noon Feeling ramped up depression and anxiety...also need to eat though

Some PM anxiety

630pm walk

10pm bed...didn't fall asleep til after 11

 

Slept horribly last night (Sunday night into Monday)

Today (Monday) ughhhh so much AKATHISIA. It's so disturbing and unnerving and paralyzing. I don't think it's any worse from Prozac reinstatement because it's always been a horrible side effect. I wish I had the blessing of naps and good sleep so my body could really grab some good rest. I'm never relaxed and never have a moment of peace because of the akathisia. It's horrible. How does a body heal in a state of perpetual stress like that?

 

 

[Altostrata]

Gonna, withdrawal insomnia is grueling, I know. Suggest practicing meditative breathing when you wake up. See

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

If you have very soft music playing, you can meditate on that. Also, it "distracts" your nervous system from alerting, if that's what's waking you up. Try it, you'll like it.

 

Since the 0.5mg Prozac isn't doing anything bad, you might increase it to 0.75mg and keep notes about the effect.

 

Look at your bottle of liquid, has it expired? I think they're usually good for more than a month.

[GonnaBeOk]

@Altostrata Thank you so much. 

[GonnaBeOk]

M 4/8

Bad sleep (4.5 hrs?) all broken up

Moderate anxiety upon waking, akathesia

845 0.5 mg Prozac

PM: lots of akathisia ugh

Akathisia calmed down in evening

1015 pm melatonin and bed

 

T 4/9

Only 5.5 hours sleep, but slept the whole way through (which doesn't ever happen)

Woke with anxiety , but felt "better" than I have in a long time...meaning I was not horribly struggling to keep going and have a will to live

9 am: 0.5mg Prozac; not feeling quite so overwhelmed today (window?)

1030am Ate

1045 Uptick in anxiety

1130-330 Parents visit; mom said I seemed a little "better" today

400pm Actually feel tired (never happens due to akathesia and constantly feeling amped up)

"Decent" day, considering

10 pm melatonin and bed

 

Notes: Was thinking as I was laying in bed this morning: "Is Prozac right for me,  with all this WD anxiety,  since it can be an activating drug?" Thought back to all the times over the last many years that I had breakthrough anxiety and depression with Prozac (which ultimately led me to a psychiatrist in 2014 who took me off, tried a host of other drugs, nothing "worked", and I was told I was treatment resistant.Tried TMS, it didn't work. It was my GP who put me back on Prozac in, I think, 2015.  Since then, it seemed to have "worked," and I was feeling decent enough to want to go off last year--of course that was a disaster that I'm now living.. But now my crazy mind is wondering if this horrific anxiety will EVER go away if I'm on Prozac, since it is considered an activating drug). I honestly do not think I had a choice but to reinstate. Things were/are soooo bad.   I think it is my only hope to try to get out of this terrible spiral of SI which I've never had in my life before all this. Pretty sure it is part and parcel of the akathisia.  

 

I'm definitely not worse since reinstatement. I've seen a couple glimmers of hope which I think are more than just placebo. BUT I'm scared to death that I'll never get better. I'm debilitated and housebound. I'm worried the akathisia will stay on board due to the activating nature of Prozac. I became agoraphobic and I can barely do anything at all to maintain myself and try to move forward.  Now add the looping thoughts about wondering if Prozac is the "right" drug (albeit I don't want any drug) to relieve my symptoms, and I feel scared and hopeless. Doc gave me Lexapro last summer to try because he said it is less activating. I only stayed on it a few weeks because I felt like it was making me more anxious, BUT that was before I realized I was in withdrawal from Prozac and that it was actually rebound anxiety kicking in, most likely. Wondering if the Lexapro would have helped at all.  Very frustrated. Very debilitated. Missing my grown kids who are out of state that I'm not able to visit, due to my condition.

[Gato123]

You are strong 💪🏼 and it is admirable how hard you are fighting to get through this. Keep going!! Even if you are back on Prozac in order to help alleviate the withdrawal, that is OK. You can figure out the rest with time, for now, the most important thing is getting you out of what I know firsthand is a living hell. You WILL heal. Your body right now is in complete shock but it will get better. XO

[Gato123]

I have found kundalini yoga and mindfulness meditation to help a LOT with the overwhelming anxiety. 

[GonnaBeOk]

W 4/10

Slept last night 10-3 & 530-7 (6.5-ish combined hours)

Awoke to SI, terror feelings

8:50am 0.5mg Prozac

Bad day with all the usual horrible symptoms

1230pm Sobbing meltdown, hopelessness

630pm Sobbing meltdown

10 pm bed; fell asleep 10:30 ish

 

Th 4/11

Slept 1030-12 midnite; 2-6 (5.5 hours combined); itchy upper right leg in middle of the night. Never had that. Went away after about an hour.

Awoke to anxiety and SI

OK overall day, akathisia moderate

10pm bed

 

 

[thecowisback]

i have that itchy leg thing. i had it before i stopped the prozac but never put it down to the meds. it comes and goes now.

[GonnaBeOk]

F 4/12

Total about 5.5 hrs sleep 

845 am: 0.5 mg Prozac

Akathisia prominent

In bed most of day

4 pm Sobbing hopeless meltdown

930 pm Sobbing hopeless meltdown

10 bed; 11-ish asleep 

 

All my symptoms are really really bad. Ugh, the feeling of hot acid pulsing through my veins is awful. So many things scream "nervous system instability." I can barely function. I feel non-human.   One year wave (?).( I quit the Prozac last April). Or maybe I've just gotten to the point that any human would, and feel like I can't endure this hell much longer. The anxiety feels like it's really going to just kill me on the spot. It's so intense.  Four years ago I went through withdrawals after about 6 months with a psychiatrist who tried several meds and then took me off of everything.  I thought I wouldn't survive that. BUT this is worse by far. 

 

I think I'm on day 18 of reinstating 0.5mg. I think I'll wait a little longer before going up to 0.75mg. 

 

 

[bheb]

1 hour ago, GonnaBeOk said:

hot acid pulsing through my veins is awful

 

I know exactly what you mean. 

 

And yes, every day feels like the last straw. Like there's no possible way for a human to survive another day of this suffering, but we do. Hang in there.

[GonnaBeOk]

Thank you @bheb 😭😭😭. Not sure if it might be the one year wave...or that I switched syringe brands a few days ago...or just the “same crap, different day” scenario.....but I hate every second. 

[thecowisback]

😰😰😰

[Lloyd]

Heya, hope you are managing & that your reinstatement goes well. =)

[bheb]

I know, especially with something so odd to measure like akathisia it’s hard to tell if it’s “truly” worse or if you’re just exhausted from it. I’m sorry

[GonnaBeOk]

So, this is interesting: Looked back in my notebook and noticed that my horrific meltdown sobbing episodes started in 4 days after I started using a new syringe.  My husband did his best to measure and compare the volume of the two and found that the new one was probably about 10% less in volume than the one I started with. So I added one extra “tic mark” of med in the new syringe today, and no sobbing today. Hmmm. Not sure if this is coincidence or not, but....if it’s a dose reduction  reaction, it makes me wonder how I’m going to be able to withstand coming off of this stuff (the correct way) in the future. Seriously unspeakably horrific past few days. 

[GonnaBeOk]

Thank you @Lloyd. 

[Lloyd]

15 minutes ago, GonnaBeOk said:

So, this is interesting: Looked back in my notebook and noticed that my horrific meltdown sobbing episodes started in 4 days after I started using a new syringe.  My husband did his best to measure and compare the volume of the two and found that the new one was probably about 10% less in volume than the one I started with. So I added one extra “tic mark” of med in the new syringe today, and no sobbing today. Hmmm. Not sure if this is coincidence or not, but....if it’s a dose reduction  reaction, it makes me wonder how I’m going to be able to withstand coming off of this stuff (the correct way) in the future. Seriously unspeakably horrific past few days. 

 

Glad to hear you got some relief after increasing the amount. For me i noticed that cuts in medication became more difficult the lower the dose was. Years ago i was able to drop from 150mg to 75mg of effexor with no problems. Under 75mg became tricky though. You could always try smaller cuts than 10% in the future. Your body will tell you if its too much and you need to take it slower.

[thecowisback]

that's scary that they're so different! will have to check mine. i'm using the same brand but have ordered more as the ticks keep wearing off. will have to put tape over the marks. 

[GonnaBeOk]

@thecowisback I wouldn’t worry if it’s same brand. Mine was completely different brand and “style.”

[Tweet]

Gonna, hang in there. I am praying for your symptoms to abate. Withdrawal is a horrific taste of hell. But others HAVE made it and so will you and I. 😔 

 

[thecowisback]

10 minutes ago, Tweet said:

Gonna, hang in there. I am praying for your symptoms to abate. Withdrawal is a horrific taste of hell. But others HAVE made it and so will you and I. 😔 

 

💪💙👊💖

[GonnaBeOk]

Thank you @Tweet @thecowisback @bheb and @Lloyd.

[GonnaBeOk]

Sa 4/13

5.5 hrs total broken sleep

Awoke with panic and anxiety

8:45am SEVERE withdrawal anxiety all morning (prob new brand of syringe?)

1230 pm more tolerable (?)

1 pm lunch and sobbing meltdown, no reason

830 pm sobbing meltdown, no reason....except, of course,  that I'm in hell every day with akathisia/severe withdrawal anxiety

10 pm bed

 

Sun 4/14

6.5 hrs total broken sleep

Panic and anxiety upon waking

Using new syringe today which is easier to measure because I can see markings better (upped to 0.14ml to make up for difference).

"Better" day than last few, meaning I survived, but still am white knuckling 

6pm sobbing meltdown

10pm bed

 

M 4/15

5 hours total broken sleep

Always wake up with panic and anxiety

845 .5 mg Prozac

Got thru day without crying

10pm bed

 

Today 4/16 I started taking 0.75 mg (.2ml) Prozac

 

[GonnaBeOk]

T 4/16

About 5 hrs total sleep

9 am started 0.75mg (.2ml) Prozac

1pm Head feels really spacey and weird for about an hour (new symptom, but went away); also got a fleeting weird feeling around my heart

Feeling "off" most of afternoon--more "off" than usual

Mom visits in afternoon; some tears

1030pm Bed

 

W 4/17

About 6.5 hrs combined sleep

Awoke with mild anxiety

8:55am took 0.75mg Prozac

Bearable day

830pm sobbing meltdown 

10:15pm Bed. Asleep around 11:15

 

Th 4/18

About 5.5 hours combined sleep

Awake to panic and anxiety

845am: 0.75mg Prozac

Bad AKATHSIA all morning

215pm Major huge sobbing meltdown; prompted my husband to take me to the doctor immediately (I didn't want to go); no changes in what I am doing---doctor just listened and was more of a support to my husband

After dinner, calmer

11pm Bed

 

F 4/19

About 5.5-6 hrs combined sleep

8:45am 0.75mg Prozac

1030am BAD anxiety UGH. I call it guttural anxiety. That unquenchable helllllll withdrawal anxiety that won't relent and is not eased by anything.

White knuckled through horrific anxiety all day until about 5pm

After 5 "calmer" in the scheme of things

8pm Major sobbing meltdown

10pm Bed

 

Sa 4/20

About 7 hours combined sleep last night

Moderate anxiety upon waking

8:50am 0.75mg Prozac

Heavy anxiety after noon

No Crying today

1030 Bed

 

I am a strong person by nature and can handle a lot, but this anxiety is unbelievable. It's almost impossible to describe.  At times it feels like I will drop dead from the intensity of it. All the breathing exercises in the world won't quench it, and it hits like a tornado and I just want to leave my body to escape the terror and horror of it. Horrifying debilitating panic. It feels like I'll choke to death from the heaviness of it. I wish I had some peace. I have not even had one second (no exaggeration) of peace and serenity since withdrawals hit me many months ago. I've never once felt any true sense of calm or any sense of peace. Not one second. I have a ton of symptoms, but this is one that seems impossible to accept and dismiss. I've explained that it's like a hot poker being jabbed at you all day long every day, yet everyone around you is advising you to just relax, go for a walk, do some breathing, sit in the sun, take it easy, think positive--all the while you are being skewered alive with guttural anxiety that never abates. At times, the anxiety is sometimes less, but it is always always always there. 

 

 

 

 

 

[thecowisback]

it's very hard to describe this anxiety to anyone who hasn't experienced it. it's like your body and mind are on high alert for perceived danger every waking mi ute, and then it creeps into your nightime dreaming as well. i sincerely hope you experience a window soon xxxx

[Tweet]

I totally relate. I am in talk therapy and it practically scares the poor woman to see me when I am anxious.

She says it is remarkably intense and appears extremely concerned. 

She doesn’t bother telling me about her recommended psychiatrist who can get me lexapro any more though.

She knows there is no way I am taking any more of those poisonous drugs.

I try to remember that no amount of anxiety will EVER change my determination to get off this stuff.

Sometimes there is no way out except THROUGH. 

This is one of those situations. 

We need to stay strong and believe that our day of complete freedom WILL COME!

You or I may fall apart and lose the battle a couple of times, or even a few times.

But one day we WILL win the war if we persevere.

I fell apart bad today, worse than any time since December. 

 

We we are troubled on every side, yet not distressed;

we are perplexed, but not in despair;

persecuted, but not forsaken;

cast down, but not destroyed;

2 Corinthians verse 4 

[GonnaBeOk]

Went up to 1mg today (after about 3 weeks at .75mg). 

 

No relief. Complete horrific hellish torture is all-consuming. Sleep overall a little tiny bit better. Still unable to ever nap due to extreme fight or flight. I’m still home bound and agoraphobic. Akathisia is beyond torturous. The most notable and unrelenting symptom is SI that *never* stops, and I mean never. It’s like my brain is hardwired to think S thoughts allll day. I firmly believe the SI is an akathisia symptom, as I’ve seen it mentioned in the symptom list on the RxISK website, and I have all the other symptoms as well. SI is not something that was part of me EVER before withdrawal. EVER.  It’s so unbelievably intense. I call the SI an *urge* because that’s the only way to explain it. This is not a new or worsening symptom. It is so distressing tho because it is an unrelenting thought loop. Like there’s an SI part of my brain that is damaged and on autopilot. I don’t intend to keep harping on this symptom. Just wanted to note it as real and distressing. 

 

I honestly don’t feel like I’m going to make it. 

 

I went to the Dr. 20 yrs ago with post partum depression (2 babies in 20 months). If I knew then what I know now.................such a travesty. 

[thecowisback]

what is si?

hang on in there - we will all recover one day, i'm sure xxxx

[Daisygirlsk]

13 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

what is si?

hang on in there - we will all recover one day, i'm sure xxxx

Suicidal ideation 

[Gato123]

 I know the urge is there and I know the urge is so strong but you WILL make it. I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy but you are not alone. I know exactly how you feel. ❤️

[Tweet]

So sorry you are having to deal with these horrible thoughts. Hang in there. Remember, these mind-tricks can't and won't last forever.  When I am having SI I remember what a friend of my husband said about his brother who committed suicide. He said that I. Committing suicide his brother simply transferred his own suffering to all of his loved ones. I don't know about you, but I would NEVER want that for my own loved ones. 

 

[Tweet]

Psalms help me alot. I would rehearse them in my head to drown out the bad thoughts and despair. Here is Psalm 5:

But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.

¹² For thou, Lord, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.

 

[GonnaBeOk]

Thank you @Tweet. You should see my bible—I can barely see Psalms any more because I’ve marked it up, highlighted and underlined so much. 💕

 

Thank you @thecowisback and @Gato123💕