GonnaBeOk: protracted Prozac withdrawal horrible

[thecowisback]

3 hours ago, Daisygirlsk said:

Suicidal ideation 

 

😪😪

[RichT]

4 hours ago, GonnaBeOk said:

Went up to 1mg today (after about 3 weeks at .75mg). 

 

No relief. Complete horrific hellish torture is all-consuming. Sleep overall a little tiny bit better. Still unable to ever nap due to extreme fight or flight. I’m still home bound and agoraphobic. Akathisia is beyond torturous. The most notable and unrelenting symptom is SI that *never* stops, and I mean never. It’s like my brain is hardwired to think S thoughts allll day. I firmly believe the SI is an akathisia symptom, as I’ve seen it mentioned in the symptom list on the RxISK website, and I have all the other symptoms as well. SI is not something that was part of me EVER before withdrawal. EVER.  It’s so unbelievably intense. I call the SI an *urge* because that’s the only way to explain it. This is not a new or worsening symptom. It is so distressing tho because it is an unrelenting thought loop. Like there’s an SI part of my brain that is damaged and on autopilot. I don’t intend to keep harping on this symptom. Just wanted to note it as real and distressing. 

 

I honestly don’t feel like I’m going to make it. 

 

I went to the Dr. 20 yrs ago with post partum depression (2 babies in 20 months). If I knew then what I know now.................such a travesty. 

 

I’m so sorry to hear about your suicidal ideation. I know what it’s like, the strength of it, the desire for it, like it’s an independent part of us that has to be resisted. My thoughts are with you. Eventually, it will pass.

 

with warmest wishes,

 

Rich

[GonnaBeOk]

Thank you @RichT! What a difference a day makes. Today is much more manageable (nowhere close to the old fun, happy, silly me, but at least tolerable symptoms). 

 

I’m afraid to say it (jinx?), but I’ve been getting “better” sleep recently. Seems around 6 hours, and some nights no waking up...or able to go back to sleep quickly. I’m afraid to get too excited bc I know it may not be long lasting. But it sure helps. 

[thecowisback]

however long it lasts make sure you enjoy the respite xxx great news!! 

[RichT]

4 hours ago, GonnaBeOk said:

Thank you @RichT! What a difference a day makes. Today is much more manageable (nowhere close to the old fun, happy, silly me, but at least tolerable symptoms). 

 

I’m afraid to say it (jinx?), but I’ve been getting “better” sleep recently. Seems around 6 hours, and some nights no waking up...or able to go back to sleep quickly. I’m afraid to get too excited bc I know it may not be long lasting. But it sure helps. 

 

Great news!

[Tweet]

Hooray!😀👍

[Altostrata]

Hi, Gonna. Did you notice a difference when you updosed to 0.75mg Prozac? Which symptoms got better, which got worse?

[GonnaBeOk]

@Altostrata I’m now taking 1 mg since May 6. Ughhh. What a ride. Don’t think anything is worse, but I’m not seeing much change either....except maybe a little better sleep *at times.* Not sure if I should attribute that to reinstatement or just passage of time.  

 

Still sooooo much horrrrrific debilitating anxiety, agoraphobia, akathesia galore, and SI. Huge histamine intolerance.  I’m on low histamine diet, but often I’ll eat something like a clean organic meat (for protein) and it will still trigger anxiety and I can feel my brain “swell” as my mood changes. Then I’ll start crying because I start to feel like this is all just too too much. Pretty limited in the food department. Housebound. Totally not able to participate in life. At all. Don’t think I’ve driven in almost a year. Complete lack of motivation. Brain doesn’t feel or work like it used to. Severe crappy debilitating agonizing withdrawal. Been a year of pure torture. I’d say I’m in a wave 90%  of the time. Not much relief ever. Can’t nap. Akathesia is the worst. I’ve got it bad. It’s internal akathisia, not so much the fidgety manifestations. Afraid this is for the rest of my life. 

 

Always afraid to updose Prozac in case it makes me worse, as I’m sooooo fragile. And for fear of having to come off it (and therefore withdrawal symptoms). But for sure the horrible horrible horrible panic and akathisia are the worst symptoms...and terrible sleep, albeit a bit improved.

 

I hate that I cannot tolerate ANY stress at all without a huge onslaught of symptoms. Even talking to people makes my symptoms worse.  It’s all so terrifying and discouraging. Hard to stay positive when the brain struggles to feel anything at all, except panic.  I do have Lyme and mold toxicity. BUT all my worst symptoms showed up after cessation of Prozac last year. I wonder if the Lyme and mold exacerbate inflammation and just make it all so much worse. I feel like I’ve got such a bad case of withdrawal compared to others, but who really knows. I’m considering seeing a recommended P Doc in San Fran. But it scares me to add anything to my poor brain. And the 2+ hour trip will be very very taxing on me. My close family is desperate for me to get better. I seriously often don’t think I’ll make it out of this alive. They “get” the whole withdrawal thing and the desperation for help that accompanies a syndrome that is not recognized by mainstream medicine...as well as all the risks involved in trying anything new. So, there’s a long answer to your short question. 😬

[Tweet]

Gonna, hang tight. There are a lot of very knowledgeable friends helping you here.

The next window is coming. You can do this!

You might try a natural m.d.

There are pharmaceutical grade vitamin supplements that can be very helpful and were for me.

Be careful not to get swallowed up by your symptoms by focusing on them too much.

I know it is SO difficult not to feel like a total victim.

“One hour of relaxing hymns on piano” on YouTube is a real help to me calming down.

you might try it. 🎹

[Altostrata]

You might want to stick to chicken and turkey for meat.

 

If going to 1mg was not a problem, how about 1.25mg?

[GonnaBeOk]

Thank you @Altostrata. Yes that’s pretty much been it for me: Turkey and chicken. 

I went up today to 1.5mg (accidentally) instead of 1.25mg. Will going down to 1.25 tomorrow be a huge detriment as far as symptoms go? Or maybe I should stay at 1.5mg since I’m already there? 

[baquejohn]

On 5/26/2019 at 11:55 AM, GonnaBeOk said:

Thank you @Altostrata. Yes that’s pretty much been it for me: Turkey and chicken. 

I went up today to 1.5mg (accidentally) instead of 1.25mg. Will going down to 1.25 tomorrow be a huge detriment as far as symptoms go? Or maybe I should stay at 1.5mg since I’m already there? 

 

hello

i am going thru the same thing. i quit prozac and now have bad anxiety, insomnia and akathisia. also exhaustion, very itchy skin especially the top of my head and flu like symptoms. we should chat

[Altostrata]

Gonna, how do you feel on 1.5mg Prozac?

[GonnaBeOk]

@Altostrata I went down to 1.25 the following day and have stayed there. Had a couple horrid days after the 1.5 dose (the day of the 1.5 dose and the following day). But I don’t know if those horror two days were from updose or just regular course of things. 

[Altostrata]

Sounds like 1.5mg might have been too much. Have the symptoms been going away gradually?

[GonnaBeOk]

Yes, not as bad as the two horrid days. Not sure what to make of it tho, as I’ve had horrid horrific days before without any changes to dosing. 

[Altostrata]

I  believe you've demonstrated 1.5mg is too high a dose for you. How do you feel on 1.25mg now?

[planifolia]

GonnabeOK, YouGonnabeOkay!  

 

I just want to say I have deep empathy for what you are going through. If you look into my intro thread, you can see that much of our symptoms are the same. 

 

My worse symptom is that internal/mental akathisia, like you it is the absolute terror and "inner hell screaming" that just makes you want to take your life every moment. I really hope that you will find some ease soon. I am also in the process in trying to stabalize upon reinstatement and I am wishing us both luck in getting there soon!

[GonnaBeOk]

@Altostrata Not feeling worse on 1.25mg, so that's a plus. Today was pretty decent (in the scheme of withdrawal hell). Have had several days of poor sleep (just a few hours), but last night got a decent amount (albeit broken up, but I'll take what I can get), so that always helps the next day (today).  

 

@planifolia Thank you. Not fun at all 😣.

 

[GonnaBeOk]

Just a note re some progress:

 

This has been a HORRIFIC year. But the  past few weeks I’ve noticed that my symptoms are lessening in intensity. Most notably, the akathisia. Not drastically, but slightly enough to give hope, finally. 

 

My husband told me this morning: “I know you’re doing better because I (my husband) haven’t cried in weeks.” 😭😭

In our 30 years together, I’ve maybe seen this strong man cry twice. Since I’ve been in this brain injured state for the past year,  he’s cried quite a bit...often, every day...watching my intense suffering. I love this man. I’m thankful for his support and love, and I am thankful to have some hope with my symptoms dropping down a small, but noticeable, notch. I don’t know if it’s the Prozac reinstatement or just time, but I’ll take it. I’m still in hell, but now it’s a more hopeful hell. 

 

My new PDoc said not to raise or lower my little 1.25 mg Prozac reinstatement. He wants me off of it, but not until I’m more stable. 

 

[Gato123]

Glad to hear there is even a glimmer of hope. I know during when you’re suffering even a slight improvement can go a long way. 

 

I was in absolute hell for approximately 9-10 months. Almost completely disabled. The last 3.5 months have been dramatically better. I am still healing but I can at least get out of bed in the morning and not cry all day. My physical symptoms have gone way down too. I still tire easily and cannot seem to handle stress but this is leaps and bounds from where I was 10 months ago. I am hopefully this is a continued improvement and will only continue to get stronger. I am on medical leave from work in order to reduce my stress and anxiety and take time to continue to rest. 

 

Do not give up. It will get better. These drugs are poison and your body is healing. 

[RichT]

15 minutes ago, GonnaBeOk said:

Just a note re some progress:

 

This has been a HORRIFIC year. But the  past few weeks I’ve noticed that my symptoms are lessening in intensity. Most notably, the akathisia. Not drastically, but slightly enough to give hope, finally. 

 

My husband told me this morning: “I know you’re doing better because I (my husband) haven’t cried in weeks.” 😭😭

In our 30 years together, I’ve maybe seen this strong man cry twice. Since I’ve been in this brain injured state for the past year,  he’s cried quite a bit...often, every day...watching my intense suffering. I love this man. I’m thankful for his support and love, and I am thankful to have some hope with my symptoms dropping down a small, but noticeable, notch. I don’t know if it’s the Prozac reinstatement or just time, but I’ll take it. I’m still in hell, but now it’s a more hopeful hell. 

 

My new PDoc said not to raise or lower my little 1.25 mg Prozac reinstatement. He wants me off of it, but not until I’m more stable. 

 

 

‘That is great news! And you clearly have a lovely husband.

 

R

[GonnaBeOk]

@Gato123 So great to hear from you. 💕I’m glad you are able to take time off work, and even more encouraged to hear of your progress, which gives me hope! I love the “no crying” days! Our “no crying” days would still be a normal person’s worst day, but for us, they’re glimmers of hope! 

Hugs hugs. 

[GonnaBeOk]

@RichTThank you! He’s beyond compare! My rock. The one who keeps me going. The one who expresses hope when I have none. He took his “In sickness and health” vows very seriously. Little did we know what we were in for all those years ago.  I am blessed. 

[GonnaBeOk]

Jinxed my progress by posting about it yesterday. Back to absolute *crap* today after enjoying a visit by some friends last evening. Too much chatting with them too close to bedtime (when I’m usually trying to wind down) led to very poor sleep and hopelessness and crying today, along with a really weird full feeling in my head. Gosh, I hate this so much. Hoping for a better night tonight. Wish so bad I could nap like the good ole days and/or sleep well at night like I used to. Just venting. 

[RichT]

19 hours ago, GonnaBeOk said:

Jinxed my progress by posting about it yesterday. Back to absolute *crap* today after enjoying a visit by some friends last evening. Too much chatting with them too close to bedtime (when I’m usually trying to wind down) led to very poor sleep and hopelessness and crying today, along with a really weird full feeling in my head. Gosh, I hate this so much. Hoping for a better night tonight. Wish so bad I could nap like the good ole days and/or sleep well at night like I used to. Just venting. 

 

Sorry to hear that. I hope you have a good night tonight. Two steps forward....

[Gato123]

Hi @GonnaBeOk How are you doing?

[GonnaBeOk]

Hi @Gato123. Thanks for checking in. 😊

My new Pdoc just started me on a microdose 1.25 mg of lamotrigine to help calm things down. He does not yet want me off the Prozac, only bc he wants to find the right dose of lamotrigine before I start tapering from my little 1.25 mg of Prozac. I don’t think the Prozac has done me much good at all, and I think he thinks I’m better off without it. Later I will taper off the lamotrigine. 

 

I’m also slowly immersing myself in the DNRS limbic retraining program in order to rewire my brain. That will be a feat 😊 but it is obvious that all of us in withdrawal are experiencing limbic system disfunction, so I am hopeful this program will help in time. They recommend a 6 month trial, but I feel like I will be on the “few years” of rewiring plan. I need to be very disciplined in implementing it and catching and reframing thoughts. I tried to start it a few months ago, but I was still too sick. Things are a *little* more manageable now, so I’m jumping in. 🤞 I’m hoping that with the calming affect of the lamotrigine (which hasn’t happened just yet), I’ll be in more of a position to absorb all the possibilities of working on rewiring my brain. The DNRS program has a strong focus on not discussing symptoms or dwelling on illness (bc it just reinforces the limbic system trauma loop which does not aid in recovery at all), so I haven’t been on this forum (I just happened to be on it today bc I was reading Altos thread about lamotrigine). 

How are you doing?

[Crochet]

Hi there - Just wondering how you are doing, if you feel up to a post.  I was just reading through your thread because you mentioned DNRS.

 

Take care and hope all is well,

Crochet