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DeterminedAnna

DeterminedAnna: long time Seroxat / Paxil / paroxetine user

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RichT

Hi Anna,

 

I found that distraction really helped me when I was feeling bad. Keeping my mind occupied was so important. I don’t think it matters too much what you do as long as you do something! I play the piano, so I forced myself to play for 2-3 hours a day. I also started doing sudoku for a number of hours each day - I had never played it before. It doesn’t achieve anything in the outside world, but it does, in my experience, reduce the relentless focus on the self.

 

Warmest wishes,

 

R

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Oliver1974

Just the thought of doing sudoku on a good day make anxious!  If you can manage to do that while feeling AD withdrawals, you’re superhuman.

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Oliver1974

OK,OK. I just made the mistake of drinking chai latte capsules thinking that they were caffeine free (for some reason) and I got one hell of a jolt after a couple weeks. It must’ve built up in my system and then BOOM, came the anxiety again.  Fortunately it took just a week for everything to simmer down again.  I was scared to death it was some weird Zoloft withdrawal, poopout, whatever.

 

 I hope you enjoyed your Pepsi 🙂

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VincentV
On 4/30/2019 at 10:23 AM, DeterminedAnna said:

There's every chance pollen is playing a role with your eyes. I would not take any pharma medications for it. Those would likely be antihistamines and as Paxil/Seroxat/paroxetine is an antihistamine and withdrawal from it is likely affecting our histamine systems,  taking an antihistamine could upset the balance.

 

Case in point, as you can see I took diphenhydramine a few weeks back to help me sleep and within a few days the sedating effect stopped working, and soon after I got what felt like a bad cold and depression symptoms. But my partner didn't get a cold even though I


According to wiki diphenhydramine is also an SSRI.

 

On 5/5/2019 at 12:09 PM, DeterminedAnna said:

Other than those cycles, everything else fluctuates from bad to worse, with random crying spells. Feelings of dread, despair and hopelessness are constant. I am exhausted, but my mind is racing and ruminating.

I cannot stop thinking about Seroxat withdrawal. I keep reading online about it.

 

 

Anna, I can relate to so much of what you say. The constant, torturous rumination (that nothing seems to console), the dread, the previous bouts of akathisia. I have moments throughout the day, mostly between intense bouts of dissociation (which I've come to wonder is my brains primitive defence mechanism) where I still can't believe this is really happening. It is happening though. To you and me a probably to hundreds of thousands of others and we aren't alone. You aren't alone. 

 

Dealing with Doctors is beyond what I'm emotionally capable of right now, but it sounds like you were amazing. You articulated, argued and I have no doubt that you at least got your point across. I'd agree with you our NHS is wonderful, unfortunately its current guidance on antidepressant withdrawal is plain wrong and Drs are rather tied by guidelines. Its beyond absurd, we are very ill people who are suffering unimaginably, we shouldn't have to face medical disbelief ontop of that.

 

The guidelines are supposed to be changing though, new ones are meant to be out this year (I've heard July, but want to be careful about giving out false hope). More genuine research is being done on withdrawal and the tone of discourse around withdrawal does seem to be gradually changing. At least as far as things in the UK are concerned, if one is to believe the media.  Hopefully this will harbinge more acknowledgement and support,  what ever that might practically mean. 

 

Until then please stay strong. Each day as it comes. 

 

 

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Altostrata

Anna, when did the itching start? Is it worse at any particular time of day?

 

Since you're so carefully titrating and have split the dose, somewhat of an experiment, please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms. You can post them in this topic with a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

 

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DeterminedAnna
4 hours ago, RichT said:

Hi Anna,

 

I found that distraction really helped me when I was feeling bad. Keeping my mind occupied was so important. I don’t think it matters too much what you do as long as you do something! I play the piano, so I forced myself to play for 2-3 hours a day. I also started doing sudoku for a number of hours each day - I had never played it before. It doesn’t achieve anything in the outside world, but it does, in my experience, reduce the relentless focus on the self.

 

Warmest wishes,

 

R

Hey RichT,

 

Yes, I really really need more distractions. I have two jobs, the second one is part-time tutoring children in maths and English and is a wonderful distraction.

 

The main job – and main source of income – is self-employed copywriting and journalism (I work from home). But unfortunately, I'm struggling with the cognitive and creative parts of it because my brain has taken a hammering in past months. And consequently I can stare at the screen for ages trying to write something, and my mind reverts back to the same old miserable thoughts and ruminations. And then I have less time to complete my work, so I get anxious... and the cycle repeats. I can write loads here as you can see!

 

If I could afford it, I would drop the self-employed work and only do the part-time tutoring job, filling the rest of my time with distractions.

 

I got the part-time job around the same time I went self-employed to get out the house throughout the week. But the part-time tutoring fast overtook my self-employed work in terms of job satisfaction. So on top of everything else, I've realised that I've probably been in the wrong career all my life (I'll be 40 this year). Or maybe I've lost the love for writing because I've lost the love for so much in the past months, as part of that anhedonia and apathy that withdrawal has bought on.

 

The tutoring work is mentally quite easy, but as it involves close discussion with children I cannot be in myself at all. The best distractions would be things that aren't too mentally challenging, but enough to switch my mind off. Sudoku is indeed good in this respect.

 

I play the piano too! I have a Clarinova in my tiny spare bedroom. There isn't much room for anything else, except a clothes dryer which often falls on me if I get too animated. Last time I played was about a month ago. I had the urge to play Bridge Over Troubled Water but I don't have the music so did it by ear to Simon & Garfunkel. And promptly started bawling. And got hit by the clothes dryer. So stopped and haven't been back in there since.

 

Maybe scales and arpeggios would be good.

 

What music do you play? How do you fill all those hours at the piano? Do you compose?

 

I tried to find your intro thread to no avail. What's your story? How are you doing?

 

Thank you for popping in and your encouragement.

 

 

 

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DeterminedAnna
4 hours ago, Oliver1974 said:

OK,OK. I just made the mistake of drinking chai latte capsules thinking that they were caffeine free (for some reason) and I got one hell of a jolt after a couple weeks. It must’ve built up in my system and then BOOM, came the anxiety again.  Fortunately it took just a week for everything to simmer down again.  I was scared to death it was some weird Zoloft withdrawal, poopout, whatever.

 

 I hope you enjoyed your Pepsi 🙂

I did enjoy the Pepsi!

I've never been particularly affected by caffeine, so perhaps that's why. But as a precaution I'm not having caffeine at all really (maybe twice a month), so please be assured your wise words will be heeded.

 

You'll need to check labels with a fine-tooth comb in the future to make sure you don't get caught by caffeine again. Lesson learned. 😊

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RichT

Hi Anna,

 

I do compose, but I couldn't do that when I was feeling bad. Similar to you and writing I suspect!

 

I found the best thing was to read music. It was hard to do, but it forced my mind to focus on the score. If you read music, I'd recommend that. If not, just playing is also very good. Try to learn something new!

 

R

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DeterminedAnna
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Anna, when did the itching start? Is it worse at any particular time of day?

 

Since you're so carefully titrating and have split the dose, somewhat of an experiment, please keep daily notes of times of day you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms. You can post them in this topic with a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

 

Hi Alto, I've ALWAYS itched while taking Seroxat. In the first couple of years of taking it, I had a rash all over my body and my doctor dismissed it as being related to Seroxat, prescribing me hydrocortisone cream which made no difference so I threw it away. The rash faded after a few years.

 

The itching has become more intense in the past five months. The rash on my neck first emerged last November, when I was down to 6.6mg daily. Scratching is one of the few things I find really pleasurable – it calms me down.

 

I'm keeping detailed notes as you described. I'll update my thread in a few weeks when I've built up some records.

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Altostrata

I'm worried you might be allergic to paroxetine, Anna.

 

I understand why you decided to see if you can get by with Paxil, but my intuition is that a switch to Prozac might be best, because of the itching and because some people cannot get off that last bit of paroxetine and need to do the bridge.

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DeterminedAnna
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

I'm worried you might be allergic to paroxetine, Anna.

 

I understand why you decided to see if you can get by with Paxil, but my intuition is that a switch to Prozac might be best, because of the itching and because some people cannot get off that last bit of paroxetine and need to do the bridge.

Hi Alto,

 

I've wondered about being allergic to paroxetine for ages, although I did panic and catastrophise when I saw that line. 

 

I've taken Seroxat for 17 years so is it possible I've been allergic all that time? Could the antihistamine action of paroxetine masked such an allergy? And does masking an allergy in this way, for such a long time, cause permanent damage? Any thoughts on why the rash and itch would worsen as I reduce my dose?

 

I thought Prozac was a no-go because of my liver. And that's why citalopram became an option.

 

Either way I am confused, and terrified of switching as it's no guarantee, especially as I'm in withdrawal.

 

It's the depression / anxiety symptoms that are most unbearable and debilitating for me, which is why I've never made a big deal about my itchiness on this site – I'd accepted it a long time ago..

 

I thought my 10% updose and splitting my dose might help with the depression and anxiety symptoms. Would it be foolish to see how I go with this for a month and review again? I'm willing to switch but would it be better to do this when I've had a continual block of stability?

 

I know you can't make decisions for me or anyone on this site.

 

I really appreciate your advice.

Edited by DeterminedAnna
Grammar

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DeterminedAnna
20 hours ago, VincentV said:


According to wiki diphenhydramine is also an SSRI.

 

 

 

Anna, I can relate to so much of what you say. The constant, torturous rumination (that nothing seems to console), the dread, the previous bouts of akathisia. I have moments throughout the day, mostly between intense bouts of dissociation (which I've come to wonder is my brains primitive defence mechanism) where I still can't believe this is really happening. It is happening though. To you and me a probably to hundreds of thousands of others and we aren't alone. You aren't alone. 

 

Dealing with Doctors is beyond what I'm emotionally capable of right now, but it sounds like you were amazing. You articulated, argued and I have no doubt that you at least got your point across. I'd agree with you our NHS is wonderful, unfortunately its current guidance on antidepressant withdrawal is plain wrong and Drs are rather tied by guidelines. Its beyond absurd, we are very ill people who are suffering unimaginably, we shouldn't have to face medical disbelief ontop of that.

 

The guidelines are supposed to be changing though, new ones are meant to be out this year (I've heard July, but want to be careful about giving out false hope). More genuine research is being done on withdrawal and the tone of discourse around withdrawal does seem to be gradually changing. At least as far as things in the UK are concerned, if one is to believe the media.  Hopefully this will harbinge more acknowledgement and support,  what ever that might practically mean. 

 

Until then please stay strong. Each day as it comes. 

 

 

Hey Vincent,

 

Thank you so much for your words and encouragement and praise. Knowing other people are going through the same things is upsetting yet comforting.

Don't worry about giving out false hope about the NHS guidelines. I don't have much hope about anything at the moment (but I think hopelessness is a withdrawal thing, not a part of who I am fundamentally).

 

I read your thread and watched your video. You articulate yourself brilliantly. You've moved home and let out your house. You are amazingly brave to do that. The thought of moving house (my partner desperately wants to) dials my panic up to 11. So give yourself a pat on the back for this HUGE achievement.

Also, on the point of backpatting, definitely do that more often. You've described anhedonia so well and I recognise it myself. One thing to do for that is to keep doing things you once felt pleasurable. Even if they don't cause any positive feelings (which is frustrating and upsetting, I know), they will help reprogramme your brain towards feeling pleasure once again. Almost like a gradual reunion with a long-lost cousin.

Thank you again for saying hello. x

 

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DeterminedAnna
On 5/11/2019 at 1:18 PM, thecowisback said:

sorry to hear you're having rows with your family anna. my family have been really unsupportive at times, better at.others. the sentence i used to hear most was 'why don't you just start taking your pills again?'. now i am back on meds i get them asking why they're not working and maybe i should try a different kind. stick to yoir guns. only you know what is right for your body and mind. i'm sure your parents will come round eventually xxxx

Hey TCIB,

 

Thank you for saying hello. Family stuff can and does compound matters. But I couldn't do it without them either. I ignored their calls and texts for a few days then 'gave in' and called them, telling them I love them. We made up.

I've now decided not to go into massive detail about my situation and just give vague answers to their questions. That way they won't feel helpless and frustrated, which inevitably leads to them making rash, unhelpful, inconsiderate and demoralising remarks. And yes, I have had EXACTLY the lines you've had too.

 

I wish I did know what was right for my body and mind! If I'd known that 17 years ago I wouldn't have taken Seroxat and wouldn't be in this situation right now! But I say this with a smile – I'm not ruminating about it right now.

 

You had a window this week – grip onto that tightly and trust this as a big sign that another window is on its way. x

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DeterminedAnna
On 5/11/2019 at 1:54 PM, miT said:

Don’t worry too much about these ALT levels. Mine have been more than double of your level and actually were the trigger for me to stop taking these drugs about three years ago. Obviously my habbit back then of drinking red wine didn’t help. A year later i was on approximitely your level now. I was elated and the specialist didn’t ring any alarm bells then. I think this could give you some perspective.

Hey miT,

 

Thank you so much for your kind words. Turns out I have mildly fatty liver. I don't drink alcohol, but I'm overweight so I suspect that plays a role in this. Although it doesn't explain why my levels go up as I've tapered to a lower dose of Seroxat. Probably something I'll never understand.

 

You certainly gave me some perspective, so I thank you for this. Hope your tapering is going well – I couldn't find your intro thread but from your signature, it looks like you've been going slow and steady. Big well done x

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thecowisback

thankyou anna 💖

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Sassenach

Blimey Anna

 

For someone who was going to go quiet for a while makes me wonder how much noise you can make🤣

 

First car Lotus Cortina Mk1, fastest Merc E55 AMG V12, license loser.

 

Sassenach

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Sassenach

Hi Anna

 

Hope you are doing well.

LRH was asking about you but not heard from her for a couple of days.

 

Sassenach

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