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BB1979: finally my introduction after 8 months of reading this site

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Rosetta

How are you doing, BB?

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BB1979

@Rosetta I just went through a very rough wave which could only I guess be the 10 month wave.  So much going on now.  Too much to explain.  Still hanging on.   I'm just at 11 months off Zoloft and almost 10 months off everything else including the Colonzepam they put me on for weeks to calm the adverse reaction.  I guess I am a year and some months behind you.  I go to your thread and read it often and don't comment because I am on my phone and not a computer and don't go through the login process.  How are your symptoms now compared to a year ago?  I read you recently had a wave and for that I am so sorry.  Did this wave seem less intense than those a year ago?  I also have this horrible guilt about taking Zoloft while pregnant.  I could have just not been on anything and pulled through and now I feel like I am forever gonna carry this guilt knowing what these drugs have done to me.  My doctor said it would be fine and I am so mad.  I look at my daughter and constantly analyze.   She's 3 and has night sweats and jumps and twitches in her sleep.  Then I think what if this is some type of protracted withdrawal?  She also had brachycephaly and had a helmet when she was a baby and she has pectoral something.  I can't remember the name and it is an indention in her breastbone.  Then I read an article about muscular/skeletal deformaties if you took antidepressants and think what if I caused this?  I know this is not uplifting and I'm sorry I'm just scared all the time.  I pray and cry constantly.  And if my marriage can just hold on it'll be a miracle.  And for that I pray, too.  Just guilt ridden and down.  But I'm trying and hoping to get back to my life I had in 2016.  Happy and in a home with my spouse and child.  It's wearing on all of us and it makes me sad, angry and full of guilt and more guilt.  

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Rosetta

BB,

I'm sorry that you feel so bad.  Your daughter is fine.  Children have all kinds of twitches and body temperature issues.  That's normal.  Their brains are going through a very fast growth period.  I believe that is what saves them from prolonged withdrawal after birth.  They have only part of their brains when they are born.  This is a very slow process for us.  The brain growth happens very quickly for them.  My daughter is perfectly normal.  I'm more concerned about how my illness affects her now, and I try to minimize the effects as best I can.  I am a much more involved and caring mother than I ever had.  That's probably because I'm so aware of the issue.  

 

Feeling guilt over over this is very common and yet it's like feeling guilt over a head injury after being hit by a car in a crosswalk when the driver had a red light.  You did nothing wrong.  Nothing at all.  You took a doctor's advice.  How many times are people made to feel guilty for not taking a doctor's advice?  How could you have known he was leading you so far astray?  You couldn't have.  He was in the wrong.  He had a duty of care to YOU and he not only failed, the warning signs were out there in the 1990s that these drugs were dangerous.  Your doctor didn't do his research.  He didn't even try.  By 2017 there was plenty of opportunity from him to know.  You, however, could not have known.  Why would you question your doctor?  So far as to refuse his advice?  Of course not.  The guilt is not yours.

 

In February I felt better than I ever had since the CT.  Now I'm in a long wave.  Maybe it's the 2 year wave.  Maybe it's caused by hormones and Springtime.  Maybe I'm just unlucky and Springtime and the 2 year point are the same for me.  I'm realizing that I probably quit when I did because Springtime was ramping up my symptoms.  I had no idea WD existed then let alone kindling or serotonin syndrome.  My doctor had no clue and apparently didn't care to know anything about these drugs or my condition.  That's all in the past.  It can't be changed.  I'm sure this wave will pass, and I will see some marked improvement, but at the moment I feel just as crummy as you do.  Just remember.  You will not follow the same path I have.  Some people get over this more quickly and no one has been able to determine what factors help to predict that.

 

I understand about your marriage.  This is very difficult on my husband.  We have to preserve.

 

My best, Rosetta

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BB1979

@Rosetta   My daughter goes to preschool at a Baptist Church and when I drop her off in her class I go in the sanctuary alone to pray.   And today I prayed there, per usual.   I asked for God to speak to me and he has, through you.   Not sure if you even realize the impact you have when you type, but your words are saving and pushing me and for that I will forever be grateful.  As I pray tonight, there are special prayers being sent up for you, your daughter and husband.  I know it seems impossible to find a reason for all of this but your purpose is evident to me, and that’s to selflessly help others.    I’ve read many times after a big 2 year wave many things go and lift into bigger brighter windows.  May this wave be your last, sweet Rosetta.  Thank you a million times over from the very bottom of my heart.  

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Rosetta

You are welcome.  I hope you are right about bigger and brighter windows.  I'm very tired.   Holding on for the evenings when I feel better.

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BB1979

Very important question

 

I’ve been off all meds for a over a year and was doing well then got hit with severe insomnia and anxiety and went to a facility for help as I was out of town.  I was there 2 nights and they gave me Trazadone 50mg and Visteral.  1 each for 2 nights.   Back home and not taking anything.  I was so sleep deprived and they told me they were just sleep aids and now looking at them I realize what I really was given.  Now how much have a set back recovery and how bad?   Will I be hit with severe acute again?   So dang pissed  at myself and scared at how big a setback this will be.    Any replies helpful please.  

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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ChessieCat

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ChessieCat

You might have some discomfort and increase in symptoms for a while.  I suggest you try to be patient and use non drug coping techniques.

 

Sleep problems - that awful withdrawal insomnia 

 

We strongly encourage members to learn and use non drug coping techniques to help get through tough times.

 

Understanding what is happening helps us to not get caught up with the second fear, or fear of the fear.  This happens when we experience sensations in our body and because we don't understand them we are scared of them and then start to panic.

 

This document has a diagram of the body explaining what happens in the body when we become anxious:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AnxietySelfHelp.pdf

 

 

Audio FEMALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Audio MALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

Dr Claire Weekes suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping.  There are videos available on YouTube.

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

 
Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)
 
On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

 

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Rosetta

BB,

You may be fine. It's not inevitable that you will have a bad reaction.  I'm really glad to hear you have been doing well.  That is such wonderful news.  The doctor did the same thing to me - gave me Trazodone with not one word that could be considered any attempt to inform me of the risks or even the content of the drug!  It has an antidepressant in it or some sort.  I took it for weeks.  You didn't.  

Any prescription drug especially something that affects sleep or anxiety is risky right now.  I know "sleep aid" seems like such a mild, benign thing, doesn't it?  I was just as fooled.  I'm glad you discovered the truth so quickly!

Rosetta

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BB1979

@RosettaHow long ago did you take it and do you remember any effects after stopping?

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BB1979

@Rosetta my daughter had Brachycephaly (very flat head) when she was a baby and now I look at her head in the pool and it looks so different than the other kids and I’m having a hard time thinking I can’t go back and wish I had put a helmet on her but the doctor said it would pop out.  And it didn’t. And now she’s almost 4 and it’s too late to correct and it makes me sick that I changed her whole appearance and gave her a flat and wide head and now she’ll get picked on and look funny and it’s my fault.  I feel like I didn’t advocate enough and failed her and for the rest of her life she will be shunned because her mama let her down.  It’s unbearable.   Advice?

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Rosetta

The trazadone? Soon after I quit the Zoloft.  What happened after stopping was worsening insomnia and other withdrawal symptoms, but I can't determine what was withdrawal from Zoloft and what was caused by Trazodone -starting or stopping.  Who knows, but Xanax was given to me for anxiety long before I stopped Zoloft.  You have to remember that I was suffering from tachyphylaxis or destabilization for years before I stopped Zoloft.  So, what happened with me won't be what happens to you.

 

As for your daughter, I'm not familiar with that condition.  What I do think is that you are possibly more worried about it right now.  You probably see her differently than she is.  You are probably seeing more of a difference in her appearance than is there.  I say this because I went through a time when everything looked wrong to me and everything felt wrong. My perception was very off, and I worried about my daughter, too, although I couldn't point to anything specific such as a condition that a doctor said was there.  Now, most of the time, I'm feeling more positive about her ability to handle her challenges.  She's not perfect.  No one is.  I have not done everything I wish I had done for her and for some things it's probably too late.  That happens to all parents.  I hope that as you heal you will notice that your daughter looks fine, and any difference is simply a mild one that her hair style will cover.

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Rabe

Hi BB,

I just wanted you to know that my daughter had a similar problem with her baby girl...flat on back of head.  She took her in and they said no to the helmut and she felt the same way...trying to remember how long ago this was...sometime before the was a year I think?  In any case as time went on she focused on it and regretted not having the helmut and was quite upset.  Her daughter is now over two and you would never know .... I dont know if there is still flatness back there or not but all the hair has made a big difference and i think sleeping differently has as well...as has the fact that my daughter has been able to settle into being a mom and bit better now the those newer times and events have passed.

I am hoping that the same will be true for you and your daughter!   Take care BB.  Wanted to say hi and hoping things settle for you soon!

Also wanted to say be kind to yourself...we all do what we feel is best at the time...the fact that those caring for us are less than straight forward is very hard as we are not generally in a condition to question.  I have found them to also be not very knowledgeable about these meds and their effects.

I believe you will heal and I believe your daughter will be as well.  Hugs to you BB!💜

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