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RoxanneS

Overcoming Suicidal Thoughts

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RoxanneS

 

 

for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal

 

 

I'm not suicidal as I have small kids and I could never do this to them and to my husband.

But I think of death every day and how nice it would be to get relief from all this:(

 

Is this common in withdrawal and will it go away?

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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Sean

Hey Roxanne, I had death weighing on my mind every single day for quite a while when I first started with my AD withdrawal. It was unbearable waking up every day with that weighing on my mind wondering if I was going to be like that forever. Some months passed and it became less frequent...and now 2 and a half years into WD, I'll have that thought pop in my head every so often for no reason what so ever...but the only difference is it's usually when I'm sick, or about to get sick, which makes my WD symptoms worse. I'm able to recognize that the thought isnt rational and I just kinda kick it to the curb and move on with my day. It does get better though. I never wanted to commit suicide, but those thoughts of me just not being here so I dont have to deal with all of this use to rush through my mind constantly. It would literally scare the hell out of me because I know I'm not a dark person, I see the good in everyone and everything. That darkness does go away over time...just keep looking ahead for the light :)

 

From what I've read of others journeys with WD, it seems to be fairly common for the most part depending on how severe the WD's are..so you're definitely not alone!

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Terry4949

Hi Roxannes I have been in withdrawel for 3 years now and when I first started I had it every day from the moment I woke up I would start to think about it , I like you am not suicidel but would think how much easier it would be if I was not here and it would shorten my suffering , all I can say is it's something you have to learn to reconize as a inappropriate thought and try your best to ignore it , for me 3 years on I still get these thoughts but I said to my self I am not going to commit suicide so unless I die from some major illness I am not going to pay it any attention , I am hoping as my brain repairs it self that this will diminish in time , I wish you well

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RoxanneS

Thanks guys for your answers, they give me hope.

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Junglechicken

Yes, I have thought about death a lot, most particularly in WD, and my age.

 

There was a period of 2 months where I experienced suicidal ideation, but that passed thankfully.

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xena81

I was on 50mg of zoloft for 19 months. My psychiatrist got me off the drug so quickly that I have experienced major withdrawals including suicidal thoughts. I have seen darkness that I hope to never see again in August of 2018. I recognized that those dark feelings were not mine and I tried to do whatever it took to overcome it. I have a 10 year old son, he was my main motivation, but sadly he was not enough. As a last straw, I purposely reached out to my financial adviser to check with him if my life insurance covered suicide to either make sure my son would be taken care of financially, or that I was not covered  to give me another incentive to fight. I have overcome the feelings. I hope you don't mid, I share the emails I exchanged with my financial adviser. Please fight with every ounce of your being!!! Do not let the drug whisper lies to you. Things will get better. Call suicide hotlines, call/talk to your friends/family, go to the emergency room, but FIGHT!!! As difficult as it is, tell yourself those feelings are not yours, they are not real. I am still battling severe depression, but the dark thoughts are gone.  Here below are my emails. I hope some may find this helpful. 

 

 

 

Aug 30, 2018, 8:29 AM

 

 

 

To G

 

Hi,

 

Does my life insurance cover in case of suicide?

 

Please let me know. Thank you.

 

 

Aug 30, 2018, 9:36 AM

 

 

 

to me

Hey, 

I hope all is well. There is a two year contestability clause in the contract.  If you commit suicide in the first 2 years they will contest the claim. Is everything OK?.

Call me if you need to talk.

Best,

G

 

 

Aug 30, 2018, 9:51 AM

 

 

 

to G

Being completely honest with you. No, I am not ok. I needed to hear that they would contest the claim so that I can have another incentive to keep living in this cruel world. At least that will give me 2 more years fighting for my life, because I got this insurance to protect my little one.  Hopefully then, I will be better.

 

 

 

Aug 30, 2018, 10:29 AM

 

 

 

to me

 

I would go back to therapy so you have someone who can help you work through your feelings. Life can be very hard, at times...but it's a beautiful thing. I can promise you that you will not feel this way forever, you need to keep getting up and keep moving forward. Your son needs you...no one can ever replace you in his life. If you are unhappy with your life, change it...don't end it.

You are a beautiful person and ending your life may stop the momentary pain, but it will pass it on to those you love most. This too shall pass and you will be happy again...be strong...don't give up!

Stay in touch with me...I'm here if you need to vent.

 

 

 

 

 

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powerback

🙏👍💪.bless your soul .inspiring .

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Tweet

I have had suicidal ideation, hoping if I drive enough I will get hit by an 18 wheeler or have a blowout and flip over and die. 

It continues to this day and I am at 14 months. I wouldn’t commit suicide because I couldn’t do that to my kids. 

Sometimes I wish I were free to just do it. 

These are daily thoughts. 

Hope they go away.

 It is just the suffering talking.

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Nelly

I have been saying for a long time.....I don’t mind if I go now. Life is too difficult x

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Denas1969

I am so scared and so tired of these feelings and thoughts.  Noone or nothing can save me.  I thought i was getting better but now I am stuck back in hell and I really just think death is the answer. i have alteady mourned my losses several times over a d as i lay in bed every morning with every breath i take I think maybe today I will end it.  I just do not see any other way out.  I do not know what keeps me going.

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ChessieCat

 

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Denas1969

You all are so much stronger than I am. I cannot deal with this stuff. I feel like I am going insane.  I am having a wabe so bad right now i think i am goong to crash under it.  I know I need to be committed or I am afraid of what I migjt do.  And I will be drugged.  But I cannot help thinking thats what I need to survive.  I just do not think I have a choice.  Please help me.  

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed blasphemy

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ShiningLight

Please get help in real time. You can also try non drug coping skills. Take it moment by moment.

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Altostrata

Please remind yourself, a thought is just a thought. You do not have to focus on or pursue any thought. It's your choice.

 

Suicide is an extreme solution to suffering, but it is only one solution among many. Some people become frightened because the thought of suicide occurs to them as they are considering their options. There is no need to be afraid of a suicidal thought, merely having a thought will not hurt you, you can let it go.

 

The neurological uproar caused by drug changes and withdrawal may cause you to have unbidden, spontaneous dark thoughts, sometimes revealing your deepest fears. You do not have to explore those thoughts, or you can explore them with therapeutic support when you're ready.

 

If the thoughts are caused by the neurological uproar (Neuro-emotions), they will come and go in waves that are sometimes intense. Do your best not to add fear of these feelings to your symptoms. Remind yourself they will pass, distract yourself if you can with a constructive activity such as taking a walk, petting a puppy, or playing with your children. Leave the door open so a bad thought can go away.

 

Also see

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Deep emotional pain and crying spells, spontaneous weeping

 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

 

Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms

 

Sudden fear, terror, panic, or anxiety from withdrawal

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

Coping with irritation, anger and rage

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals 

 

For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

 

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JackieDecides
On 9/29/2019 at 9:46 AM, Denas1969 said:

You all are so much stronger than I am. I cannot deal with this stuff. I feel like I am going insane.  I am having a wabe so bad right now i think i am goong to crash under it.  I know I need to be committed or I am afraid of what I migjt do.  And I will be drugged.  But I cannot help thinking thats what I need to survive.  I just do not think I have a choice.  Please help me.  

 

 

I don't know you at all but there are other options and this board is one of them - keep posting and talking about things, keep reading the links people post. tell yourself suicide is just an idea, you don't have to act on it, as often as you need to. 

 

I think being drugged is better than killing yourself so if you need to be committed you should do it. but that, too, is just an option. 

 

I think there is more than one suicide hotline out there but here is one Lifeline. the number is 800-273-8255.    they are always there for you to talk to. 

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Denas1969

Thank you. I have calmed down some maybe a window idk. Sunday and Monday were extremely awful. My husband had a heart attack and my neighbor still harasses us and i had to go to court over his stuff tuesday morning then to the hospital to sprnd the day with my husband waiting for his release.  I had therapy on Monday and cried for most of it not able to talk much. Lots and lots of crying then feeling zombified as if I had nothing left just kind of numb with some occasional agitation. Eating better again. Noe money is an issue cuz he is out of work for a while and i cant bring myself to work with my dysfunctional self. But the si had lightened up. I just want to get through this wd and life circumstances beyond my control. Some days easier than others for sure.  I have the hotline number and will use it if i need to unload. Ty agaun. 

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