ajnjj: 2.5 years SSRI merry go round Off 3 lex months heres my story

[ajnjj]

Romido, I posted a reply in the other thread we were chatting in.

 

I have a question about these brain waves I get...does anyone else get them, these horrible sensations in the brain, I call them waves , it feels like a wave is crashing over my brain.... not brain zaps , its something else. If anyone has any expeience with this i would love to know , this has been a huge issue for me....

[Romido]

What does it feel like? The waves I get are like a wave of extreme confusion that feels like my eyes spun and brain twisted in a knot, like if there is a tornado in my nerves that brings a little bit of anxiety with it. Kind of feels like my ears are a little bit plugged up, my hearing gets a little funny during them. I had one sitting at a red light one time and it was pretty scary, but those seem to be getting less intense for me.

[ajnjj]

Well,

How do I explain it. its almost like a ripple effects encompassing my entire brain and then everything slows down and I lose train of thought and this is usually accompanied by a little nausea and dizziness. And my ears....I get all sorts of ear issues . Its awful. The tinnitus......the plugged up feeling....ugh.

[ajnjj]

So just venting. I am having an awful day with allergies, dizziness, my brain feels like it has a tumor with the strange sensations and "stopping" its doing to me today. And my anxiety is high for the first time in a while. I have to go to work and I am suffering so bad. I may actually have to take a xanax to get through today. This sucks. It's really a bad day I don't know...I am usually really good at getting through the day. I actually feel like crying. 3 months 1 week off led.....

[ajnjj]

Lexapro not led....sorry.

[Romido]

Sorry you are having a bad day too. It varies each day. My brain things are different, like a pause when things go black for half a second then come back on. I googled ocular migrane and symptoms similar, but not quite what you are having. This whole thing is no walk in the park, I hope your Tuesday is better!

[ajnjj]

Took half a .25 xanax today. Have not taken one in months. I feel like a failure.

[Barbarannamated]

Ajnjj,

We all are doing what we have to to get thru this. If I knew of something that helped, I'm certain I would have taken at times. I was so deeply miserable yesterday, I thought of going to the hospital in that desperate 'I'll do anything' moment. ( Bad week with several stressors that built on one another) Pleas don't beat yourself up! We talk alot about the drugs we are tapering or have DC'd, but many of us are still on others that we might not mention as often (Klonopin and trazodone for me).

Hugs!

Barb

[ajnjj]

thanks barb and you know I get so angry because the doctor said I was on such a minimal amount that I shouldn't have any withdrawals 14 weeks off. so naturally I get confused and I think oh I must be having a relapse but a relapse of what because I never had anxiety to begin with I am so frustrated and I am so angry at feeling like this all the time with the physical symptoms my mind and my body just don't seem to cooperate

 

that small dose of xanax took the edge off but I still feel like garbage today . this is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do . I hope the day comes that we can all say we are we re covered . thanks for listening

[Skyler]

thanks barb and you know I get so angry because the doctor said I was on such a minimal amount that I shouldn't have any withdrawals 14 weeks off. so naturally I get confused and I think oh I must be having a relapse but a relapse of what because I never had anxiety to begin with I am so frustrated and I am so angry at feeling like this all the time with the physical symptoms my mind and my body just don't seem to cooperate

 

Hi ajnjj.. sometimes I think the hardest part of tapering is taking control, realizing docs are not the font of wisdom and knowledge we are taught. Our perceptions of authority come from our parents.. and as difficult as it was to learn their frailties, it can be to see docs as prone to errors. They are steeped in propaganda from the drug companies, so exposed I would think seeing the magnitude of their errors in prescribing much of what the do has to be overwhelming. So it's easier not to listen.

 

Hope your day gets better. ~S

[Barbarannamated]

Ajnjj,

This is far worse than anything I experienced before drugs. Knowing what I do now, I realize (and my endocrinologist confirmed) that I was treated with the exact 'antidepressant' to worsen my underlying condition causing the depression. Like you, I never had anxiety but have some of everything right now. I just broke down and took some Abilify which did work for me for awhile. Im in desperate mode, too.

[ajnjj]

Barb, wondering how you're feeling? I'm pushing myself everyday. I find I'm exausted. I also find that I'm achy and have a lot of muscle pain....is it possible to get something like fibromyalgia from SSRIs???

 

Hoping everyone is having a better day....

[Barbarannamated]

Ajnjj,

Well... IMHO, fibromyalgia is a diagnosis similar to depression. This is not to minimize the suffering of anyone with these diagnoses, the pain is very real. I think that the drugs disrupt the body's function and perception of all senses in ways unknown. We have all noted an increase in sensitivity to sound, light, emotions, etc. during w/d. It seems reasonable that our sensitivity to pain might also increase temporarily.

Just my 2 cents!

[ajnjj]

Maybe you are right. All I know is the aggravation of feeling like crap , the dizziness, all that's involved, its pure hell. Just about 15 weeks off Lexapro .....

[Barbarannamated]

You are at a very tough time. It does get easier.

In answer to your question about pain...yes, these drugs often create the conditions they are supposed to treat, pain being one of them. They also cause worsening of depression especially after long term use. That's what I suspected for a long time.

Hang in there!

More {{{HUGS}}}

[Skyler]

Ajnjj,

Well... IMHO, fibromyalgia is a diagnosis similar to depression. This is not to minimize the suffering of anyone with these diagnoses, the pain is very real. I think that the drugs disrupt the body's function and perception of all senses in ways unknown. We have all noted an increase in sensitivity to sound, light, emotions, etc. during w/d. It seems reasonable that our sensitivity to pain might also increase temporarily.

Just my 2 cents!

 

Ahhh , Barb, as someone who has had fibro for 35 yrs., and who thinks the diagnosis is way to liberally given these days (wonder if the development of lyrica had anything to do with this, hmmm), how is fibromyalgia similar to depression?

[Barbarannamated]

Schuyler,

Both are Diagnoses of Exclusion, not Differential Diagnoses. I may not have the most current into, so feel free to set me straight!

Diagnoses of Exclusion are reached when no testable or measureable cause can be found. Differential Diagnoses rule out causes through testing, etc. A doc wanted to diagnose me with fibro many years ago, but my pain is very specific and local to my neck. If I remember, fibro has to have a certain number of points throughout the body? Are there definitive tests for it now (EMGs, etc.) ?

Please educate me! I'm far from the expert on the topic!

[ajnjj]

Hey barb, question.....you said I am at a rough time, is this what some call "phase2". ? Also , I would think that it would be getting better, not worse, I am wrong to assume that?! Hope you are well. Thanks!!!!

[Skyler]

Schuyler,

Both are Diagnoses of Exclusion, not Differential Diagnoses. I may not have the most current into, so feel free to set me straight!

Diagnoses of Exclusion are reached when no testable or measureable cause can be found. Differential Diagnoses rule out causes through testing, etc. A doc wanted to diagnose me with fibro many years ago, but my pain is very specific and local to my neck. If I remember, fibro has to have a certain number of points throughout the body? Are there definitive tests for it now (EMGs, etc.) ?

Please educate me! I'm far from the expert on the topic!

 

It is exclusion, but the criteria have been loosened. Once upon a time the exclusion meant something more definitive, and those who ended up so labeled had symptoms that shared many characteristics. Now it's open season, a waste basket diagnosis, which makes it difficult for those of us with have fibro to get help.

 

If the pain was only in your neck you do not have fibro.. IMHO Fibro is body wide. Hurt from head to toe.

 

I have to read my body symptoms for fibro pain, what to do, what not, and now read them for 2 meds, what to do, what not to do. ARGH

 

~S

[Barbarannamated]

Hey barb, question.....you said I am at a rough time, is this what some call "phase2". ? Also , I would think that it would be getting better, not worse, I am wrong to assume that?! Hope you are well. Thanks!!!!

 

I can only go by my own experience and those first months off Pristiq were hellish! FOR ME, the early months were ANXIETY/AM PANIC/weird perceptual disturbances (DP/DR). I didn't have zaps, so thought I had escaped withdrawal and was just going crazy. It was about 4-5 months after last dose of sloppy 8-10 month taper that I found Alto's post on Beyond Meds (July '11). It was a major AHA!! moment after which I badgered Alto with questions thinking I was unique. HA!

End of taper - 4 months post Pristiq - akathisia, high startle response, visual/perceptual disturbances ( strange, eerie). I'm not generally frightened or startled too easily, but was during this time. One nite, I went out to feed the horses as i always do. It was dark. Walking thru small stand of trees, each horse came out of the dark from different directions (they're all dark) and spooked me! I think I screamed and physically jumped! This is a regular routine, nothing new, but i felt like they were stalking me. I thought I was losing it. I'm sure they were talking about me later.

Blackout curtains calmed AM wakenings, but had DREAD that lasted for about 4-5 months while i was driving round country.

October 2011 - Returned to CA and crashed physically. Around the holidays, I had a low but calm period with ALOT of sleep and eating. Husband asked me what was going on and i heard myself say from under the covers 'I'm EVOLVING. Leave me alone.' No idea where that came from, but it really felt like a restorative period after I gave myself permission to do nothing, sleep, and heal. I thought i felt my brain hiccup once as i was waking from a nap. Strange and never happened again. I still had dread, but also a sense of humor emerged. I really laughed for the first time in years (TV shows).

Winter thru spring were complete lack of energy, motivation, boredom, 'what happened to my life??' existential dread, and guilt b/c I couldn't recall what happened to the last 10 years. Anxiety stemmed from the lack of motivation/purpose and boredom.

I'm wrestling with what to do with summer, a regular feeling for me as it gets miserably hot and i used to love summer. Have had extra stressors and pain in last few weeks. Early evening surge of agitation/rage without trigger.

Way TMI, but that's what I recall as a general highlights reel. One constant is NEUROEMOTION - intense and catastrophic. Also tending to be alone which, by all psych textbooks is 'isolating' and bad, but feels like some innate protective stance.

 

I don't want to give a sense of a regular timeline. This is what I recall of my personal rollercoaster. I'm still on a benzo and trazodone which likely cushioned my ride. Stay tuned!

[Barbarannamated]

 

Ajnjj,

Well... IMHO, fibromyalgia is a diagnosis similar to depression. This is not to minimize the suffering of anyone with these diagnoses, the pain is very real. I think that the drugs disrupt the body's function and perception of all senses in ways unknown. We have all noted an increase in sensitivity to sound, light, emotions, etc. during w/d. It seems reasonable that our sensitivity to pain might also increase temporarily.

Just my 2 cents!

 

Ahhh , Barb, as someone who has had fibro for 35 yrs., and who thinks the diagnosis is way to liberally given these days (wonder if the development of lyrica had anything to do with this, hmmm), how is fibromyalgia similar to depression?

 

Not sure if i explained the parallels I see. Fibro seems like a psych diagnosis, not musculoskeletal or orthopedic...a symptom constellation w/no exact cause known... goes along with depression... lays blame on patient b/c docs can't find root cause. This is just my impression as a fellow 'chronic pain patient' (ie. PIA). Mostly female. I suspect hormones play a role in pain. Subjective, not measurable.

[Barbarannamated]

@Schuyler...yes, 'trashcan diagnosis' is the term I've heard also.

 

Ajnjj, I am fortunate that I haven't had some physical symptoms like many others - GI, nausea, food intolerance. I did have a few vasovagal reactions when i first began to taper but that's not uncommon for me. I get overheated, sweaty then chills, dizzy, and follow up with a migraine relieved by tossing cookies.

[ajnjj]

Barb, since all this I seem to be getting. "Silent" migraines. These are fun. Nauaeau, aura, dizziness and confusion. Great!!! What's the lesser of the two evils here is what I wonder.... Going back on a Tiny dose for life or trying to live thru this hell.......

[Skyler]

 

Not sure if i explained the parallels I see. Fibro seems like a psych diagnosis, not musculoskeletal or orthopedic...a symptom constellation w/no exact cause known... goes along with depression... lays blame on patient b/c docs can't find root cause. This is just my impression as a fellow 'chronic pain patient' (ie. PIA). Mostly female. I suspect hormones play a role in pain. Subjective, not measurable.

 

Hi Barb, this is one of the reasons I asked you. Real fibro is characterized by wide spread palpable trigger points. No hocus poucus about it. You can't have those trigger points without a physical basis. Because the cause is not known, something like with withdrawal symptoms?, patients are blamed.

 

The relationship with fibro and depression would seem to be the long term consequences of pain as a cause. At least this has been my experience, and from what I've read under the old and more restrictive criteria for fibro.

 

I don't think hormones come are a factor with fibro, but then very little is known, and as you mention, most victims are female. From reading what you have posted, hormones do play a role with what you have. I see the term 'chornic pain' as sort of like we used to say for a stomach ache.. very general.

 

Maybe we should open a fibro thread for further discussion?

 

Hi ajnjj...

I seem to be getting. "Silent" migraines. These are fun. Nauaeau, aura, dizziness and confusion. Great!!! What's the lesser of the two evils here is what I wonder.... Going back on a Tiny dose for life or trying to live thru this hell

Sounds like a bad LSD trip (my age is showing ), how long have you been having these symptoms? They have to be utterly miserable.

 

I'm trying to afix everyone's history on my brain. I will get there.. just now I'm starting to get a grasp of the antidepressant/anticonvulsant side of the psychotropic trap so steeping in a lot of new info. Groan.. I used to remember all this sort of stuff.

[Barbarannamated]

Fibro thread - good idea!

[ajnjj]

Hi Shuyler,

Been having these for over a year. I get dizzy a lot. Lightheaded a lot. Sometimes when I walk I feel like I miss a step or there is no ground beneath me. Off All drugs now almost 4 months and I am miserable. I never know how I am going to fwel or whats going to happen.

 

 

I try to ignore the symptoms. I try to push thru them daily. It's a constant battle. I want to fo to a doctor so bad and say fix me!!!! But I have done that time and again and they find nothing. The suffering is getting to me. I put on a smile for my babies but inside I'm dying.

[ajnjj]

Ps, shuyler, what do u do for your fibro symptoms*??

[ajnjj]

Just as I feel my physical symptoms start to lift, here comes debilitating anxiety. Here I am thinking I am making progress at just about the 5 month mark. And BAM. How do I do this???? How do I go on. Does this end? Does anyone ever get better;???? I feel hopeless today.

[Skyler]

Ps, shuyler, what do u do for your fibro symptoms*??

 

Hi ajnjj.. just saw this. What do I do for fibro. Lyrica gave me the most relief.. but I would have been better to keep in shape, do non repetitive exercises that do not cause strain, walking and the pool. Unfortunately, the OT who is otherwise very helpful talked me into keeping up with Lyrica, so now you find me tapering to get off.

 

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so distressed today. The anxiety is really the pits. I don't know if this is of any help to you, but I was able to pull the plug on benzo withdrawal anxiety by being aware of how much was my innate anxiety and how much was on jet skis from withdrawal... I did not have anxiety for the same prolonged periods you have experienced, and would think that it would not wear very well when it is over so much time. Just know we care, and give you a virtual {{{{HUG}}}}

[ajnjj]

Hi all. I'm in month 5 of withdrawal. I'm having muscle pain, tingling. I'm having headaches. I'm having dizziness and and anxiety. I am feeling like I'm a hopeless case. I actually sometimes feel like my limbs are heavy and I am not really in my own body. Is this normal for month 5? Will this pass? I suppose I'm looking for reassurance....but I'm feeling rather hopeless and actually keep thinking maybe I have a deadly disease and I am dying.... I'm scared. Im fragile. And I have Noone to tell except you all.

[Nikki]

ajnjj

 

Of course you are looking for reassurance. We all are. Thinking we have a deadly disease is par for the course with WD. It's so hard to believe that getting off a medication could produce such feelings. It is protracted withdrawal and 5 months is only 5 months out.

 

I had protracted withdrawal from Lexapro for a long time. I don't mean to scare you. My situtation involved getting slammed by the economic downturn as soon as I finished the taper.

 

It does cause each and every one of use to feel scared & fragile. Anxiety is part of this.

 

Post often, send private messages and talk about it. That's why we are here.

 

In my thread under "Finding Meaning" Tom shared a link about anxiety. It is very good and may be helpful for you today.

 

I have changed drugs a few times, I have never gotten off of one without taking another.

My understanding is that there are windows where things get bad and then you will turn a corner and start to have more days of feeling better. Personally my problem with this is that I was unable to go on for more than 2 years with feeling like that which prompted me to take another medication. I truly an happy for people who can steady the course and become med free.

 

I'll try to get back to you later:)

[ajnjj]

Thanks Nikki....I'm having such a hard time these past few weeks. I don't get it. It's awful. I don't know whether I'm coming or going. And the hopelessness, where did that come from??? I will check out your post and the anxiety link. Thanks again.

[Nikki]

Hi ajnjj:

 

Med History

11/2009- 50 mg Zoloft (1st ad ever) in combo w/.50 xanax for 2 weeks then use xanax as needed (1st benzo ever)

9 days on Zoloft, I was awake for 9 days straight C/T Zoloft

11/2009- trazadone to sleep for 2 weeks c/t Trazadone

12/2009 start 10 mg Lexapro w/ Xanax as needed

5/2010-3 week taper off lexapro

9/2010? back to Lexapro 10 mg after 5 or 6 weeks c/t leapro

12/2010-10mg paxil

5/2011-6 week paxil taper

8/2011 5mg lexapro

last lexapro pill January 7 2012

all this as per doc orders Thanks Doc!

 

I have taken paxil & lexapro. Even a small dose of paxil can cause havoc on our nervous systems. You had a 6 week taper a year ago. That can still be lingering with you.

 

And then you got off lexapro. They were the most difficult meds for me to get off of.

And you did both close together due to a doctor who gave poor advise.

 

Basically you got slammed back-to-back with both drugs. You finished lexapro 5 months back.

That is a short amount of time considering the med history.

 

You poor kid

 

Hopelessness IMO is from frustration and is part of despair. Going on for any lenght of time feeling lousy will bring on terrible despair.

 

I am sorry I do have to leave again, but I will get back to you:)

[meistersinger]

Hi all. I'm in month 5 of withdrawal. I'm having muscle pain, tingling. I'm having headaches. I'm having dizziness and and anxiety. I am feeling like I'm a hopeless case. I actually sometimes feel like my limbs are heavy and I am not really in my own body. Is this normal for month 5? Will this pass? I suppose I'm looking for reassurance....but I'm feeling rather hopeless and actually keep thinking maybe I have a deadly disease and I am dying.... I'm scared. Im fragile. And I have Noone to tell except you all.

 

I know what you are going through. I'm going through hell myself right now trying to get off Viibryd, hanging tapered too fast, the first time around. I'm to the point now I don't leave my room, for fear of what might happen. Since most of my brothers don't give a damn, it is only me,the local warm line (when it is open) and the Samaritans organization in both NYC and Boston (Long distance calls, but if you have Google Voice set up and connect via wifi, the call is free.). Hang in there, as I am in the same boat.

[ajnjj]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. These weird physical sensations...... They are the worst. And Nikki, maybe you are right. Maybe I am just so screwed up from all these meds....my brain certainly feels like it is with the weird pauses and slow motion effects its been doing. My poor kids. They see mommy smiling and doing what I do , pushing so hard to get through the day. Then when I am alone, I am a disaster. Sweating, racing thoughts, anxious. Like....maybe I should drive myself to the er and get more tests.... But I have had evry test.....all fine....this is hell. This is only for the strongest of the strong....you all are very strong because if you weren't, you would not survive the way you are surviving......

 

Hugs

 

Maria

[meistersinger]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. These weird physical sensations...... They are the worst. And Nikki, maybe you are right. Maybe I am just so screwed up from all these meds....my brain certainly feels like it is with the weird pauses and slow motion effects its been doing. My poor kids. They see mommy smiling and doing what I do , pushing so hard to get through the day. Then when I am alone, I am a disaster. Sweating, racing thoughts, anxious. Like....maybe I should drive myself to the er and get more tests.... But I have had evry test.....all fine....this is hell. This is only for the strongest of the strong....you all are very strong because if you weren't, you would not survive the way you are surviving......

 

Hugs

 

Maria

 

I know I'm screwed up. In short I'm FUBARed. The worst part is that it's strangers that care. I'm to the point that I'm tempted to tellSocialSecurity that antidepressants are the reason I'm disabled.