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wildling: SSRI & Oxazepam, I miss me and want me back


wildling

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puthappinessfirst
On 1/17/2019 at 10:53 AM, wildling said:

If you have any words of encouragement, I'm happy. It has come to a point where I no longer live, but survive from minute to minute. This constant fear of going crazy or losing control, not being able to silence the constant existential rumination, dissociation, not feeling safe or finding peace within and not being able to be present & hence enjoy everyday life is so hard and scary. I used to be good at handling anxiety (meditation, yoga, walking in nature, eating healthy etc. but these do not work at the moment at all.)

 

Wild, I feel this way as well. These feelings are freaking weird and scary and my OCD/anxiety has increased 100 fold! I also have a constant fear of losing control/going crazy/developing a more severe mental state because of this. You are not alone. Have you listened to Dr. Claire Weekes? She gets us and listening to her has helped me a lot.

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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12 hours ago, getofflex said:

Hello Wilding, I'm sorry you are having to go through so much pain and suffering.  I want to encourage you to hang in there and don't give up.  You will make it!  It can be done, even though it takes a great deal of patience and time, and is not easy.  I'm new here, too.  I'm wearing off Lexapro. I had no idea what I was in for.  I thought I could just taper off these drugs in a few weeks or a couple of months and be fine.  Was I ever wrong.  I've been tapering off for 18 months, and as I get to a very small dose, I still need to be very very careful.  The windows and waves concept really helped me.  I was freaking out before knowing about windows and waves, wondering why I could feel so good one day, and the next day feel awful, even though I hadn't had a dose change in two weeks.  Now, I can accept the highs and lows because I know this is normal of AD WD.  Keep us posted.


Hello, and thank you so much for taking the time to comment words of hope! And welcome to the forums!
I have my views on modern life but I have to say that internet has saved me in regards of keeping my sanity. To find people who understand and who are going through the same and also the success stories some of them come back to write are so valuable. It seems to be a common misconception among doctors that tapering these medications is like a walk in the park, easy peasy lemon squeezy.. AND if you experience symptoms they are just a relapse. But it's funny how most of us didn't experience this type of suffering before the meds... I tapered my SSRI medication according to doctors instructions in a course of 3-4 months.

I read you are eating GABA, have you noticed that it might make you feel worse or does it help you? I've read that our CNS can be so oversensitive to any kinds of supplements after these medications. 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

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7 hours ago, puthappinessfirst said:

 

Wild, I feel this way as well. These feelings are freaking weird and scary and my OCD/anxiety has increased 100 fold! I also have a constant fear of losing control/going crazy/developing a more severe mental state because of this. You are not alone. Have you listened to Dr. Claire Weekes? She gets us and listening to her has helped me a lot.


Hi and thanks for stopping by 🌻 I'm sorry to hear you are also suffering but it helps to know that we are not alone in this. 
The existential OCD and dissociation are the worst symptoms ever. It's so scary and very disheartening to not be able to "control" your mind in anyway, most of the days I feel so paranoid and crazy. I used to be down to earth and could enjoy life and the present moment. And life itself didn't feel such a big and terrifying mystery that I would just question every minute. I have been doing yoga for 7 years and I still remember the time before medication when I could reach a relaxed and lovely, peaceful state of being just by doing deep breathing or a gentle flow or just by sitting on our summer cottage and listening to the waves. 

I've listened to her audiobook. She has a gentle voice! I've also listened to a youtube channel "Lovely Grind". He has gone through exactly what we are experienced and is on the other side now totally healed. These types of videos  are so comforting. 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

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  • Moderator
6 hours ago, wildling said:



I read you are eating GABA, have you noticed that it might make you feel worse or does it help you? I've read that our CNS can be so oversensitive to any kinds of supplements after these medications. 

The GABA seems to help me calm down and sleep at night.  

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 02 - 10 mg; Jan 19 20  0.2 mg;  Apr 2  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11 

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, multivitamin, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 3 mg, calcium

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puthappinessfirst
7 hours ago, wildling said:

I've listened to her audiobook. She has a gentle voice! I've also listened to a youtube channel "Lovely Grind". He has gone through exactly what we are experienced and is on the other side now totally healed. These types of videos  are so comforting. 

 

I just watched a couple videos from Lovely Grind, never heard of him before. Thank you, very helpful! 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
  • 1 year later...

Hello everyone. Long time no see.

 

They say that once you start to feel even a little bit better, you stay out of these forums. And that was right, I haven’t been here in a year I guess? 
 

Last year was hell, so in so that I don’t have any memories of it.

 

However, this spring I started to feel a little bit better. Like I was still living in a constant haze, fog, dp/dr, fatigue and weakness, but the horrible terror, fears, panics and anxiety has subsided immensely! I could actually go out and enjoy myself from time to time without being spiraled into total terror.

 

The fog didn’t cause me fear anymore.

 

However, this week I had to take some antibiotics which spiraled me into the deep dark terror state again. I have severe OCD, severe fear of losing control, obsessive anxious thoughts, fear of dying and all that jazz.

 

I am just so afraid. I wrote a post about this in the antibiotics thread. 

 

  

38 minutes ago, wildling said:

Hello all, 

I haven’t posted in a long time. I was doing a bit better and living my life just a little bit more humanly. (Still so many symptoms though..) 

 

Then around July I started to feel weak and had some recurring symptoms. Few weeks ago I was hit with a raging UTI that also went to my vulva. First had to take 7 days of antibiotics (which I quite well tolerated) but all hell broke loose when I started flagyl comp which is used straight to the lady parts. After 3 day, I developed one of the worst episodes of panic/anxiety/terror, shaking all over, insomnia, diarrhea, sweating, catastrophic thoughts, severe brain fog and dp/dr. I though I was going to die or lose my mind.

 

I stopped immediately taking the flagyl, I haven’t taken one since yesterday and still experiencing terrible agitation, diarrhea, terror and brain fog. It is a little bit better though. 

I’m wishing that this will pass once the antibiotics are out of my system but I am TERRIFIED that this will set me back to last year when I was bed bound the whole year, I am just not strong enough to claw myself back from that, just as I had gotten a little bit better.

 

I swear medications are just pure evil, this suffering is just endless!

 

 

My gut is a mess, I have low ferritin and parasites. I just don’t know what to do next, where to start. All the things I do just make things worse. I am at the end of my taper with benzos, but I know I haven’t made it right since I have been dry cutting. I just didn’t have the energy and capacity to figure out the right way. 
 

Have I caused more damage? It’s been 20 months since I reinstated oxazepam.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
switched abbrev quoted post and added full quoted post

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post

Would it be wise to start the liquid taper now? I think the amounts are so small at this point that the scale doesn’t even measure them.

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post

Recently also updated about these symptoms.

 

  

17 hours ago, wildling said:

Hello everyone and thank you for answering my thread! I am so sorry it has been so long..

 

I was at the point where I just needed to distract myself from it all and to try and survive from a minute to minute. And guess what, this spring I was doing already so much better!!

 

The existential fear and terror subsided, the dp/dr, anxiety, ocd, obsessive thoughts and brain fog are still there but they didn’t cause so much terror and I was able to do a lot of things that previously were out of reach.

 

Until now, when I hit the worst wave I’ve been since winter 2019. But I’m hopeful this too shall pass!! We have been through so much! 
 

Just need to battle again this intense terror and fear of losing control. During these times, the dp/dr certainly doesn’t help.
 

Much love to you all.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
replaced abbrev quote with full quote

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post
  • Administrator
On 8/27/2020 at 10:13 AM, wildling said:

Would it be wise to start the liquid taper now? I think the amounts are so small at this point that the scale doesn’t even measure them.

 

You may want to give yourself more time to recover from the upticks in symptoms caused by the Flagyl. 

 

On 8/27/2020 at 5:39 AM, wildling said:

My gut is a mess, I have low ferritin and parasites.

 

Are you taking any prescriptions, over-the-counter drugs, or supplements to treat these issues?

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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  • 1 month later...

@Shep

 

Hi Shep,

 thank you for answering. I have been in a really bad place for the last 5 and half weeks.

 

I haven’t experienced symptoms this bad during my WD, not even in my first acute.

 

I am barely hanging on. I never had this brutal SI, akasthisia, constant terror and total dissociation and severe dpdr, although the last two were my main symptoms and very bad last year also.

 

I am feeling desperate and hopeless, since I was doing so much better before this antibiotic mess and I haven’t seen much improvement during these weeks. Everyone says the worst is 2-3 months in acute but I fear this will be longer since it feels like something actually broke in my brain. 

 

I took probiotics, some herbs and iron supplements before this but do not take anything else right now but a low dose of magnesium.

 

I am so afraid. I do not know how I can manage a setback as severe as this and I am exhausted by this constant battle to survive from minute to minute.

 

 

 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post

Hi Wildling. I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time.  I have been in the grips of that misery at times so I know how desperate you are feeling. Those times pass and I am always glad I managed to pull through. I am very hopeful for you Wildling please just hold on and realize that you will get better.

Paxil  07/1997 - 10/1998 Quit CT  

Neurontin, topamax, trazadone,  ssri AD (don't remember which one) 12/1998 - 06/1999 CT everything

Eflexor Xanax  04/2000 -08/2000 CT  ***01/2008-05/2013 on/off lexapro, lamictalseroquelsaphris, pristiq  Start/Stop CT at intervals 

Zoloft 200 mg 07/2013  WD 04/3/20 - 04/8/20 Quit

Seroquel 800 mg 07/2013 2013 *400 mg 07/2019  *** WD 04/15/2020 - 06/19/20 Quit

Ambien 10 mg 07/2013  WD 5 mg 04/29/2020, 2.5 mg 12/24/20, 1.66 mg 01/21/2021, 1.25 mg 02/16/2021 *** 02/22/2021 Quit

Xanax  2 mg prn 07/2013 - 04/23/20 Quit CT

Lamictal 150 mg 07/2013 WD 05/06/20 -06/11/2020 Quit

Propranolol 03/21/2020 - 04/20/2020 Quit CT

Hydroxyzine  12/14/2020 - 12/27/20 Quit

Allegra 24 hr 01/11/21 Flonase Nasal Spray 01/11/21

Magnesium Glycinate 100mg x3 daily D3 5000iu daily 

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  • Administrator
On 10/3/2020 at 11:47 AM, wildling said:

I am so afraid. I do not know how I can manage a setback as severe as this and I am exhausted by this constant battle to survive from minute to minute.

 

Because withdrawal last for so long, many people have setbacks due to needing meds for other health conditions. But healing still happens. Do as much self care as you can and try to breathe through the symptoms. The non-drug coping skills you learned during acute come in handy now. Like Lucy just posted, you will get better. 

 

 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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@Lucy1983 @Shep 

 

Thank you for answering me. I’ve never lost hope in my life the way I have now. It’s just a battle fatigue. 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post
  • Administrator
4 hours ago, wildling said:

@Lucy1983 @Shep 

 

Thank you for answering me. I’ve never lost hope in my life the way I have now. It’s just a battle fatigue. 

 

Battle fatigue is real and unfortunately, it magnifies all our symptoms. 

 

On 10/3/2020 at 11:47 AM, wildling said:

I took probiotics, some herbs and iron supplements before this but do not take anything else right now but a low dose of magnesium.

 

You may want to add in a bit of fish oil. Please see:

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

If you're concerned about adding in a supplement, eating fish several times a week can help. 

 

Give this a try and let us know how you do. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Link to post
  • Moderator
On 10/3/2020 at 10:47 AM, wildling said:

@Shep

 

Hi Shep,

 thank you for answering. I have been in a really bad place for the last 5 and half weeks.

 

I haven’t experienced symptoms this bad during my WD, not even in my first acute.

 

I am barely hanging on. I never had this brutal SI, akasthisia, constant terror and total dissociation and severe dpdr, although the last two were my main symptoms and very bad last year also.

 

I am feeling desperate and hopeless, since I was doing so much better before this antibiotic mess and I haven’t seen much improvement during these weeks. Everyone says the worst is 2-3 months in acute but I fear this will be longer since it feels like something actually broke in my brain. 

 

I took probiotics, some herbs and iron supplements before this but do not take anything else right now but a low dose of magnesium.

 

I am so afraid. I do not know how I can manage a setback as severe as this and I am exhausted by this constant battle to survive from minute to minute.

 

 

 

My heart goes out to you.  I'm praying for you that the Lord will reduce your pain, and give you the strength to endure this.  I wish I could help you more.  I know how bad WD from these nasty chemicals can feel.  Hang in there.  Jennifer

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 02 - 10 mg; Jan 19 20  0.2 mg;  Apr 2  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11 

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, multivitamin, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 3 mg, calcium

Link to post

 Wildling, you are not alone. So many of us can relate to what you are going through and we know it is a scary place.  We also know that it is temporary. I believe that you know that too.    

Paxil  07/1997 - 10/1998 Quit CT  

Neurontin, topamax, trazadone,  ssri AD (don't remember which one) 12/1998 - 06/1999 CT everything

Eflexor Xanax  04/2000 -08/2000 CT  ***01/2008-05/2013 on/off lexapro, lamictalseroquelsaphris, pristiq  Start/Stop CT at intervals 

Zoloft 200 mg 07/2013  WD 04/3/20 - 04/8/20 Quit

Seroquel 800 mg 07/2013 2013 *400 mg 07/2019  *** WD 04/15/2020 - 06/19/20 Quit

Ambien 10 mg 07/2013  WD 5 mg 04/29/2020, 2.5 mg 12/24/20, 1.66 mg 01/21/2021, 1.25 mg 02/16/2021 *** 02/22/2021 Quit

Xanax  2 mg prn 07/2013 - 04/23/20 Quit CT

Lamictal 150 mg 07/2013 WD 05/06/20 -06/11/2020 Quit

Propranolol 03/21/2020 - 04/20/2020 Quit CT

Hydroxyzine  12/14/2020 - 12/27/20 Quit

Allegra 24 hr 01/11/21 Flonase Nasal Spray 01/11/21

Magnesium Glycinate 100mg x3 daily D3 5000iu daily 

Link to post

@getofflex @Lucy1983

 

Thank you for answering and for the prayer, I really appreciate it. 
 

I try to do everything in my power to feel better. I meditate every day, eat well, rest, sleep, do crafts, color my coloring books and try to think positive thoughts.

 

I think the difficult side of this is that you really have no way of making yourself feel better - or you are temporarily unable to feel good no matter what you do. And you have to just ride it out and hope that one day you will wake up feeling a little bit better and that this is just a bad memory.

 

I wish you all the best, fellow warriors. 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post

@Shep

 

Thanks for the advice, I have actually started to eat more fish lately because of the sensitivity to supplements, except for low dose of magnesium.


I am a bit concerned about the Benzo but I am too afraid to jump now when I’m in this bad acute phase. At first I was thinking of trying to up dose just a little bit but then again that might also not be such a good idea right now.

 

I just hope that when I jump, I won’t be phased with another wave like this. I know I have to do it quite soon since the crumb is the smallest I can possibly cut and I’ve been holding it for 3 to 4 months now.

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post
  • Administrator
17 hours ago, wildling said:

I am a bit concerned about the Benzo but I am too afraid to jump now when I’m in this bad acute phase. At first I was thinking of trying to up dose just a little bit but then again that might also not be such a good idea right now.

 

I just hope that when I jump, I won’t be phased with another wave like this. I know I have to do it quite soon since the crumb is the smallest I can possibly cut and I’ve been holding it for 3 to 4 months now.

 

Unfortunately, updosing works best within 2 - 4 weeks of the last reduction. So holding a bit longer and giving yourself time to recover sounds wise. 

 

It sounds like your symptoms are more related to the UTI and the Flagyl. So once you recover from that, you'll likely be able to continue the last of your taper without these severe symptoms. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

@Shep I am hoping that this clears. I have so many severe CNS and brain symptoms. My baseline hasn’t improved that much over the last few months. It feels like a one big wave that doesn’t seem to be lessening but getting worse. Only the symptoms are circulating from week to week. 

I have been taking the Benzo still but divided the dose to morning and night. I had already dropped my night dose before this wave but feel like it was making a lot of interdose symptoms.

 

I feel so confused about this Benzo taper and all these fears have started to creep in that have I done it wrong in all the ways because I have been dry cutting. It worked fine before the dose started to get so small it is hard to get an even piece. I cannot find a scale that could measure such a small crumb and I am so confused about the water titration. Before this setback I also forgot to take my dose several times since I was doing so much better and had a fairly busy life with my studies and work. I now know how many things I did wrong regarding to the taper. I just felt so good and almost back to normal and wanted to enjoy life.
 

It’s quite hard with a broken brain to try to figure these things out. I blame myself for not doing it earlier this year when I actually felt good and capable of doing things. 
 

 

 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

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I’m also concerned that the Benzo I’m still making is affecting somehow badly, since antibiotics are known to inhibit GABA in the brain. So if the antibiotics caused CT like phenomena and affected the GABA receptors, could the small dose of Benzo that I’ve continued cause paradoxical reaction or kindling?

 

I know there aren’t right answers to these because no one really knows what happens in the brain. It just drives me crazy that my symptoms are so much severe than ever before, I am hanging on to a thin thread and haven’t gotten the slightest ease or window in these extreme symptoms in 9 weeks, not even one minute and it’s only getting worse. I pray to the universe every day.

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

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  • Administrator
5 hours ago, wildling said:

I’m also concerned that the Benzo I’m still making is affecting somehow badly, since antibiotics are known to inhibit GABA in the brain. So if the antibiotics caused CT like phenomena and affected the GABA receptors, could the small dose of Benzo that I’ve continued cause paradoxical reaction or kindling?

 

 

The antibiotics that cause the most problems, especially with GABA, are the fluoroquinolone antibiotics. Have you taken a fluoroquinolone? Here is a list of them:

 

 

Fluoroquinolone antibiotics

 

You mentioned taking Metronidazole  (flagyl) back in August. While not a fluoroquinolone, it can still cause symptoms, especially in people with destabilized nervous systems. Have you taken any other antibiotics since August or is this the same wave that hasn't resolved? 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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@Shep 

 

I haven’t taken any more medication since stopping Flagyl after the horrible wave.

 

I actually came across this article:

https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/psychiatric-adverse-effects-antibiotics

 

that states the following:

“Other neurotoxic symptoms associated with metronidazole include peripheral neuropathy, paresthesia, ataxia, and encephalopathy. Slow onset myoclonus is a common feature of metronidazole induced encephalopathy. These adverse effects may be due to metabolites of metronidazole which inhibit the GABA receptor in the vestibular and cerebellar system.”

 

It’s of course not well researched phenomenon. But this wave has felt like something really broke in my brain and the neurological symptoms are 100x worse, similar to ones in CT I assume. I’m just so confused why this has been going on as severe as it has for over 2 months without any windows, some people who have had antibiotic setback from Flagyl have reported that it made them feel worse but it subsided quite quickly also. 
 

Maybe setbacks feel more severe in general after being weak from withdrawal for so long. 

 

 

 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post

Good news is, I finally got a doctor to make me a description for a smaller dose that they make in the pharmacy! Yay. I think it will be more stable to get on with the taper and have an even dose that can be more easily cut half and reduced to smaller doses. I hope that will make some difference to this wave. 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post
  • Administrator
21 hours ago, wildling said:

Maybe setbacks feel more severe in general after being weak from withdrawal for so long. 

 

You make a great point here. 

 

Thanks for linking the article, Wildling. We're finding more and more problems with these drugs. Please do as much self care as you can. 

 

19 hours ago, wildling said:

Good news is, I finally got a doctor to make me a description for a smaller dose that they make in the pharmacy! Yay. I think it will be more stable to get on with the taper and have an even dose that can be more easily cut half and reduced to smaller doses. I hope that will make some difference to this wave. 

 

This is great to read. Please don't taper until you're stable enough to handle more symptoms. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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  • 3 months later...

A little update on this healing journey. 

I’m 2,5 years antidepressant free.

It’s been 6,5 months since the acute antibiotics setback.

And I finally jumped from a microscopic dose of oxazepam 1,5 months ago. (Although I doubt it had any effect on me because the amount was the tiniest little crumb from the mildest pill. I think it was around 0,25mg of oxazepam which doesn’t seem to have any therapeutic effects). 

 

This antibiotic setback has been a long and brutal journey for sure.. I’m unfortunately still quite debilitated. It caused severe brain and CNS damage. I’ve seen some improvements that I’m grateful for(!!) but the baseline is still very low and body feels incredibly  fragile to all stimuli, stress or exertion. I have to spend most of my days in bed and have a lot of trauma in my body from all that happened. I get more waves than ever before and windows don’t come even close to what my baseline was before this setback. 

 

I’m still trying to keep my hopes up and since I’m now finally completely free from all medications (even the mildest painkillers I still took from time to time for period pains), I hope my poor body gets a chance to rid itself from all these poisons and start to really heal 💜

 

I say to my body “Thank you for keeping me alive through all these horrors and still trying every day. Thank you for working hard to balance everything- I see you, feel you, honor you and love you!” 💜

 

I attend support groups every week and they honestly kept me alive through all this. I meditate, rest, eat a lot of healing foods like fruits and veggies, drink a lot of water, I quit drinking tea because of the caffeine (never have consumed coffee in my life) and I have been alcohol free for over 3 years. 
I distract a lot: knitting, crocheting, painting, drawing, writing, reading, watching and listening. I pray the universe and my angels and guides a lot. I cry and surrender. And the most important decision that I made from early on, no matter what, I will not end my life! And it hasn’t been easy. But this will not break me.
 

I hope one day to finally be done and dusted and on the other side of this and can return to write a success story. That is what I’m manifesting.

 

Thank you for this site and every kind soul that has been of great help! Sending all the best for you

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post
  • Moderator

@wilding it sounds like you are doing a lot of great things to help your self.  According to people here, time is the great healer.  I'm so sorry about the antibiotic setback.  I'm praying for you.  Jennifer

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 02 - 10 mg; Jan 19 20  0.2 mg;  Apr 2  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11 

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, multivitamin, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 3 mg, calcium

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@wildling First I want to say how glad I am to see your update.  I’m in the same boat (morphine and doxy) , but I’m early still (2 months out).  You are definitely on the healing track. 6.5 months out from something like this is still early, but rest assured when you reach 12 months, then 18 months you will definitely see the accumulation of healing.  Remember to treat that CNS like CRYSTAL !!! Thank you for updating us.   
 

 

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

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9 hours ago, Alice1 said:

@wildling First I want to say how glad I am to see your update.  I’m in the same boat (morphine and doxy) , but I’m early still (2 months out).  You are definitely on the healing track. 6.5 months out from something like this is still early, but rest assured when you reach 12 months, then 18 months you will definitely see the accumulation of healing.  Remember to treat that CNS like CRYSTAL !!! Thank you for updating us.   
 

 

 

Thank you for stopping by and for your reassurance. You have all my sympathies!! Antibiotics and other medications can cause such brutal CNS and brain symptoms it’s unbelievable!  
 

It’s still a mystery to me how on earth I made it through, I was really hanging on a thin line for months. It goes to show that there is something greater than us that takes the wheel when our brain is offline. The first 3 months were the absolute worst for me, then around months 4 and 5 the minutes turned into hours and hours slowly turned to days. Some symptoms disappeared slowly with waves and some stayed while the baseline stays very low. I’m currently in a wave but it’s not nearly as bad as in acute. Whew. 


I hope everything will get better for you soon! Hang in there and just make it through one day at a time. I know how hard it is but we have to keep holding on. It seems we have to keep living like we’re made of glass from now on - I made the decision that I’ll never touch another medication in my life. Horrible. Cannot go through anything like this ever again. 
 

All the best to you, you can do this!

 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

Link to post
19 hours ago, getofflex said:

@wilding it sounds like you are doing a lot of great things to help your self.  According to people here, time is the great healer.  I'm so sorry about the antibiotic setback.  I'm praying for you.  Jennifer

 


Thank you so much for your prayer! As brutal it is in the beginning when you realize there’s nothing that can make you feel better except for time, at the same time it’s our only hope and we cling to that for our dear lives. Time really is the only permanent healer and living life mindfully from now on.

All the best to you 🙏🏼 

SSRI & BENZO'S

2016 September started Sertralin

2017 January switched to Paroxetin

2017  May switched to Brintellix 5mg

2018 April-July tapered Brintellix (rapidly)

2017  September - 2018 September Oxazepam 7,5-22,5 mg daily

Tried to taper Oxazepam November - December 2018, but failed 

Reinstated 5,6 mg Oxazepam January 2019soon trying microtapering

CURRENTLY

2020: have been slowly dry cutting oxazepam, holding 1-3 months per dose, August 2020: holding my dose at ~ 0,6 mg (unfortunately very uneven taper at the end since dry cutting and do not have a scale)

August 2020  -> Severe setback from antibiotics (Metronidazole) CT like acute wave

 

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