Undiagnosed1 Posted January 19 (edited) undiagnosed1-unsure-of-what-to-do-next 22 months off Mirtazapine C/T 15 months off Trazodone fast tapper 14 months off Coreg fast taper 12 months off gabapintin fast taper It is difficult for me to come back to SA, but I swore that if I managed to get past my withdrawal syndrome that I would come back and write my success story. When I was at my worst I read success stories all day everyday, over and over again. I needed hope and this site was the only hope I had. No one understood how badly I was suffering. Everyone gave up on me....except my wife, she would cry with me and tell me that she knew I was still in there and that one day we would resume our life. At the time I didn't believe I was ever going to get better I was so entrenched in crippling anxiety, crushing depression and guilt. I suffered so badly with a wide range of symptoms for so long that everyday was a battle just to survive. I couldn't work for a year and four months and when I did manage to go back I would say I was only 50% still dealing with cortisol mornings, intense fear and impending doom, driving in traffic was a serious challenge. My wife was 3 months from giving birth when I knew I had to get up and attempt to work, I refused to let this beat me and was determined to be the best father I could be. I cried on the way to work and I cried on the way home daily for sometime, hell many times I took break just to cry. It's difficult to remember when things started getting better " about 15-16 months after C/T of Mirtazapine " but once things began to significantly improve it was fairly rapid. Cortisol mornings, horrible thoughts upon waking, intense fear, doom, guilt, self harm thoughts etc etc faded one after another within a few months. At that point I was left with terrible short term memory and off and on kaleidoscope vision that scared the crap out of me. The vision issue has faded but the memory issue persist which I don't let bother me much, I just take more notes. Though out my withdrawal I helped take care of my mother in law whom was dying of cancer, we held each other everyday and she told me I had to get better to take care of her daughter and the baby that was coming because she wasn't going to make it. My mother in law got to enjoy her first grandchild for 5 weeks before passing. After she passed and things were calming down I realized I had made it. I was working a full time job, my emotions were back to normal.. I felt sadness, happiness I could smile,laugh, make jokes etc etc. We had our first child June 8th 2018, this little boy was like a ray of sunshine to me and gave me the drive to continue to build my coping skills and live life the best that I could, I changed professions to reduce stress in my life, I don't rush around like I used to, I don't stress the small stuff anymore, we take mini vacations regularly and above all else My wife and I are best friends, we appreciate each other so much more than before. I am very thankful that the human brain has a way filing trauma away, It's not something I think about all the time now. Every once and a while I'll have a little flash back of the suffering but it's momentary and it passes, I don't let it drag me down. The symptoms I have listed are only the tip of the iceberg but I won't list them all, lets face it it's not going to do any of us any good to read though that over and over. I want to give thanks to all the admins who do what they do, You all are true " angels " without you all there are so many people who would be lost and at the mercy of their " doctors " I will try and check in for the next couple of weeks to try and provide any help and or hope that I can. Onward and upwards my friends 👍 Edited January 19 by ChessieCat added spacing Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RusTW Posted January 19 U1 thank you for sharing your story. All of us need a little pick-me-up from time to time to get through this. I was a cold turkey too. I'm at about eight months right now since the cold turkey thank God I reinstated after 3 weeks. Is there anything specifically that you noticed when you started making breakthroughs in your recovery. It's great that your wife helped you get through this. Sorry about the loss of your mother-in-law. Russ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hopetobefree Posted January 20 Thank you so much @Undiagnosed1for coming back to write your success story it has made me happy to know that all the insane symptoms I'm currently suffering with, which you had also, will go at some point hopefully sometime this year if not the next. You made my day. 😃 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thecowisback Posted January 20 what a wonderful story- thankyou for sharing and giving us all hope!!! 💕 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Undiagnosed1 Posted January 20 On 1/18/2019 at 9:25 PM, RusTW said: U1 thank you for sharing your story. All of us need a little pick-me-up from time to time to get through this. I was a cold turkey too. I'm at about eight months right now since the cold turkey thank God I reinstated after 3 weeks. Is there anything specifically that you noticed when you started making breakthroughs in your recovery. It's great that your wife helped you get through this. Sorry about the loss of your mother-in-law. Russ Russ, I'm glad I can provide a little boost in moral. I would say I started noticing that it was easier to leave the house and do basics like going to the grocery store "short stints" hopelessness faded and the desire to be productive started to come back all be it in the windows and wave pattern. Emotions became more normal " I wasn't crying everyday". The first time I had a good deep belly laugh I had to excuse myself, I walked outside and just broke down crying because it had been so long and I never thought I would be "that guy" again. And If there's one thing I can say for sure is that jumping from drug to drug looking for relief did not benefit me in any way, I eventually made the commitment that I was going to be free from my pharma prison sentence. Keep you head up and keep moving forward Russ and if there is anything I can help you with please reach out. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Undiagnosed1 Posted January 20 8 hours ago, Hopetobefree said: Thank you so much @Undiagnosed1for coming back to write your success story it has made me happy to know that all the insane symptoms I'm currently suffering with, which you had also, will go at some point hopefully sometime this year if not the next. You made my day. 😃 Hope, Your positive attitude is like a ray of sunshine👍 I am so happy to see that you have not condemned yourself to eternal suffering, you will absolutely make it and you will rediscover yourself in ways you may have long forgotten due to these meds. Keep up the positive attitude, it can be infectious and much needed when others are having a hard time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Undiagnosed1 Posted January 20 57 minutes ago, thecowisback said: what a wonderful story- thankyou for sharing and giving us all hope!!! 💕 Cow, Hope is what we must hold on to. Onward and upward my friend 👍 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RusTW Posted January 20 58 minutes ago, Undiagnosed1 said: Russ, I'm glad I can provide a little boost in moral. I would say I started noticing that it was easier to leave the house and do basics like going to the grocery store "short stints" hopelessness faded and the desire to be productive started to come back all be it in the windows and wave pattern. Emotions became more normal " I wasn't crying everyday". The first time I had a good deep belly laugh I had to excuse myself, I walked outside and just broke down crying because it had been so long and I never thought I would be "that guy" again. And If there's one thing I can say for sure is that jumping from drug to drug looking for relief did not benefit me in any way, I eventually made the commitment that I was going to be free from my pharma prison sentence. Keep you head up and keep moving forward Russ and if there is anything I can help you with please reach out. Thanks U1 Best wishes to You and your family. GREAT JOB Russ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madeleine Posted January 21 God Bless you and your family. Thank you so much for coming back to share your inspirational story. So nice to hear that you and your MIL could help each other. She is likely watching you from above and will be a guardian angel for you praying for you all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GirlfromD Posted January 21 Congratulations! 😊 And thank you for coming back to write and sharing your success story, it really means a lot 💕 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kirby Posted January 30 Wow! It seems like you overcame a lot to get to today! Good luck in the future and kudos to you for your hard work! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor1 Posted February 4 So happy to hear that you are doing better. It is inspirational. Hope you continue to see improvements and enjoy your life with your young child and wife. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Liamb123456 Posted February 6 Hey congratulations how long are you off meds now Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rachellynn Posted Sunday at 10:50 PM Congrats❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
