Dewalt: withdrawal from Lexapro (4 months on and tapering)

[Dewalt]

Hi, I'm tapering off of lexapro after a very short period of time on it.  I did start feeling better on lexapro, but then I started feeling a bit more like - numb and not myself.  Have been slowly tapering since...beg to mid December I'm guessing.

 

started Lexapro 10 mg 9.29ish.18

Dr. said I wasn't getting beneficial enough effects and upped dosage to 20mg

started Lexapro 20 mg 11.05ish.18

I was gaining considerable weight and had constant gas so I decided to try to reduce the dosage to 15 slowly.

tapered 20mg/15mg every other day for a couple weeks mid Dec but maybe before. Then did 15mg a day for a little bit.  minimal symptoms

tapered 15mg/10mg every other day beg Jan.  minimal symptoms

tapered to 10 mg 1.7.18.  terrible restlessness 1.11 that subsided after a couple days, gone after 4 days so I started taper again.  Some insomnia.  

tapering by slowly reducing to 7.5 mg starting 1.15.18.  Terrible anxiety and depression started 1.18.18

 

Previous antidepressants - I was on Pamelor 10mg for...6 months?  then 20mg Pamelor for a few months.  tapered to 10 mg for Sept 2018 then went off and started Lexapro.

 

Because of the length of time I was on lexapro I want to taper quickly so that I get this medication out of my body as soon as I can.  I don't want to ruin my relationships though.  I have had incredibly paranoid thoughts on this taper and I'm worried about pushing people away but I also want to get this the hell out of my system after these experiences.  I'm absolutely terrified!!!  I want to cling to people but I'm also afraid of them.  How long do the symptoms of anxiety/depression tend to last?  I'm wondering whether I should go back up for a little while, but I also can't fit into any of my pants.  I feel awful.  

Anyone have experiences tapering after a short length of time on lexapro?  

 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Dewalt and welcome to SA,

 

To get you started please create your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

This is your own introductions topic where your can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

[ChessieCat]

Thank you for completing your drug signature. 

 

Q:  Have you taking any psychiatric drugs prior to starting Pamelor?  If yes, please add the summary information to your drug signature.  Thank. you.

 

I will ask the other mods for their assistance.

[Dewalt]

Thank you Chessie! 

I haven't really taken anything prior - I remember trying zoloft as a teen briefly (less than a month in 1999?) but went off it as it made me feel off.  

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Dewalt.

 

19 hours ago, Dewalt said:

tapered to 10 mg 1.7.18.  terrible restlessness 1.11 that subsided after a couple days, gone after 4 days so I started taper again.  Some insomnia.  

tapering by slowly reducing to 7.5 mg starting 1.15.18.  Terrible anxiety and depression started 1.18.18

 

If I were you, I'd go right back to 10mg and stay there until your nervous system settles down, for at least a month.

 

Even if you've been on Lexapro a short time, going off will takes as long as it takes. Your nervous system is telling you it can't handle your current tapering method. Please don't push it further, your symptoms could get a lot worse.

 

Please consider Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

 

While gradual tapering might take many months, hopefully you'll feel minimal withdrawal symptoms and be able to carry on your normal activities. As the dose goes lower, side effects such as weight gain and indigestion should lessen.

 

Going on and off psychiatric drugs tends to make the nervous system hypersensitive to drugs and sometimes supplements and foods. After you go off Lexapro, you may wish reconsider taking other psychiatric drugs, you may have increased difficulties with them.

[ChessieCat]

Please do not skip days or alternate doses.  The brain likes consistency.  Skipping Days vs Every Day Dosing Graph

 

This topic explains how to get the dose you need:  Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

[Dewalt]

Thank you both for responding.  I started dry heaving Tuesday night so I went back up to 10 and I'm staying here for now.  Wish I never got started on it...:/

[Carmie]

Hi Dewalt, 

 

Welcome to SA from me too. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It is a hard journey, but going off the meds too quickly might give you severe withdrawals. It’s best to go slowly. It doesn’t mean you won’t get any withdrawals, but they may be more bearable. Go no more than10% a month, and if you find that too much, go even slower. I’m going down by around 5% or so now.

 

Wishing you all the best with your tapering💚

[Dewalt]

Thank you for your support!

I'm wondering if Lexapro can increase cholesterol levels - mine have basically tripled since starting Lexapro...  I just got tested because my doctor couldn't believe how much weight I had gained on Lexapro and wanted to check my thyroid - which is normal of course.  Can Lexapro raise cholesterol levels?  I can't find hard evidence online and I've searched the forums a bit - looks like Effexor can, but I'm curious if this is common with an ssri like Lexapro.  Thanks!

[Carmie]

Hi Dewalt, 

 

Yes, lexapro can increase your cholesterol. A lot of these medications affect cholesterol, and blood pressure too. I’m on Seroquel, which is an antipsychotic, and my cholesterol has gone up as well. I hope your dry heaving has subsided, Sending hugs🤗

 

 

 

[Dewalt]

Thanks Carmie!

Dry heaving went away the day after I went back up to 10, thank goodness!  Haven't had any side effects since so I'm going down to 9mg.  Is it only a good idea to taper after you haven't had any side effects for a few weeks or a month - or will there always be some side effects?  

[eymen23]

Hi Dewalt,

 

It hasn’t been long since you updosed to 10mg. I think it would be very sensible to hold at that dose for a few weeks before progressing with the taper. I believe Alto previously suggested you hold at 10mg for at least a month. 

 

You may find that after a month there are still some more minor side effects like the odd unrefreshing night sleep, occasional adrenaline rush or bout of tearfulness (as examples), which are sometimes referred to here as ‘withdrawal normal’. The key thing is that your symptoms are tolerable and consistent day to day, before you begin tapering at a slower rate. 

[Dewalt]

Well, honestly I haven't felt hardly any side effects since updosing to 10mg.  The first day back on 10 felt a little weird, then not much.  My sleep hasn't even been affected.  Maybe just 2-3 moments in this whole time where I had spins when turning my head, and some nauseousness after exercising once.  But - no crying spells, maybe a tiny bit bummed or restless at times due to life stuff but that seemed more normal to me, not out of the ordinary, and not extreme.  

Each time I stabilize, how long am I supposed to ?  I know the goal isn't to go down enough to need to updose and stabilize, but I'm asking in case when I go lower it bothers me and I want to stay at a dose.  I'm also having side effects from taking Lexapro, so I'm dealing with those as well.  

Also, I appreciate Alto's advice and I realize she has a lot of experience.  I'm dealing with some health issues - the weight gain has put my back into constant pain (and I am exercising and watching my diet, but the lexapro weight is not coming off), plus the lexapro doesn't make me feel like myself - and it has greatly increased my cholesterol and CPK.  I plan to listen to my body but I really want to try to taper a little since I've been feeling fine and haven't been on lexapro very long.  

Also...I broke up with someone during that taper, so I might have been feeling that more than anything.  Being on the 10mg I feel so complacent and it's unnatural and not me.  I'm tired of my mind being owned by this medication.  

[eymen23]

I completely appreciate you’re fed up of being on the drug and that it is causing side effects, I am taking the same drug albeit at a lower dose and I wish I could come off it sooner.

 

However, you previously tried things the quicker way and it wasn’t tolerable. That’s a sign from your nervous system, saying that it’s too much too fast. 

 

Given it will probably take you a number of years to safely taper from 10mg, I really wouldn’t rush to make this first drop to 9mg. It’s promising to hear you haven’t had any major issues updosing, but you’ve made a series of fast drops and this all catches up with you. 

 

Rushing things usually ends up delaying this process, rather than speeding it up. I would suggest you hold on until you make it to one month from updosing, then make your next move. 

[Gracee]

Dewalt, I began following your thread because I am new here too.   However, I am not new to SSRI withdrawal.   I've been on antidepressants for 18 years.   As someone who has attempted three previous, unsuccessful withdrawals, I beg you to listen to the advise you have received here.  Please taper slow and steady.  It is the only way to become free of antidepressants with minimal discomfort and shock to your body.

[Carmie]

Hi Dewalt, 

 

How are you doing?💚

[Dewalt]

Hey Carmie, thanks for asking.

I have been listening to my body and I have tapered down more quickly than suggested - I'm at about 6mg now.  I realize what people are saying about all this but I was only on Lexapro for 2 months before beginning to taper, and it has ruined my creative process and I cannot move forward without that.  It is also my choice and my body.  I have had few side effects at this rate and continue to listen to my body - and also I have started to slow down more as the dose gets lower.   I have had hardly any brain zaps (I'm not even honestly sure what those are, but I have had kinda tingliness a couple times and stabbing pains maybe 2-3x?), mild dizziness very very occasionally, a couple crying spells, some anxiety, but nothing like the severe restlessness and terrible feelings of January.  

Once I get to 5mg I plan to do a hold for a few weeks to a month, then continue my taper again.  

I am curious about how much I need to worry about changing to a different manufacturer of Lexapro?  I was hoping to switch to cutting down 5mg tablets because it is easier, but I noticed it is a different manufacturer than my 10mg tablets.  

I realize people are trying to help but I will listen to my body and do what I feel is best.  I'm a stubborn person I guess.  Thank you for your support.  

[Carmie]

Hi Dewalt, 

 

It’s up to you what you do, but we just have your best interests at heart. I’m glad you’re not doing too badly now, though if you keep going quickly you may find it can catch up with you. That’s happened to me in the past before I knew how to taper properly.

 

Some people have had problems changing brands, but others have had no problem at all. Changing to the 5mg tablet is still not small enough to get you down to the small doses you need to get to though. The drops will be way too big, and jumping off at 1.25mg is a high jump. I won’t be jumping off until I’m down to 0.0something. 

 

 If you want to get down to the smaller doses and stay with the same manufacturer, maybe get a scale and weigh your tablet. The scale most people use is the Gemini. I’ve never used a scale, I water titrate. Either water titration or a scale helps to get one down to the really low doses.

 

Could you please update your signature. Thanks. 

 

Please be careful. Wishing you all the best with your tapering .💚

[Dewalt]

Thank you. I will try. 

No worries - I will never ever EVER jump off from 2.5. I can’t even imagine. I know the first few grams are the most effective. I will jump from a crumb or dust. I have a gemini scale. 

I’m nearing 5mg and am getting some symptoms that aren’t pleasant but are diminishing over time. Nausea, dizziness, headaches, burning scalp, diminished feeling in my genitals, constipation, diarrhea, feeling on edge...all pretty infrequent, except the scalp burn/ice (??) feeling which was mostly constant until lately.  Also the extra weight around my arms and waist is rapidly disappearing - which probably adds to the stress I feel.  I may hold if I am losing weight - until I can keep a weight for some time. Rapid weight loss + ssri WD is too much for me. 

This drug makes me feel completely dead inside.  I feel like I don’t have an inner monologue - I don’t have a self. Haven’t had one since I started lexapro. Even the bad feelings are better than feeling nothing.  It’s like poison. 

[Dewalt]

I started feeling some brain zaps again - I realize now that I had had some when I was maybe going from 15 to 10mg every other day (never doing that again of course).  I'm also feeling worsening mood.  I can feel the windows and waves although I am still tapering...not sure if that is normal or not.  I will feel awful for a day or so, then simply within the space of a minute, it lifts and I feel normal again.  It's so bizarre.  

The side effects I listed above mostly left or diminished - except for nausea and headaches, which still happens every or every other day now and then.  What is worst is the mood and headaches.  Don't really feel on edge, just hate everything about my life and wish it was over already.  I don't like anything at all - just feel nothing mostly.  I also didn't lose any weight as I thought I was.  I lost some inches around my waist but the weight has not changed.  

I hate this drug so much.  It is ruining the trajectory of my life in more ways than I want to think about, then you also have to maybe deal with side effects when you're done??!?!!!  Makes me so angry.  

I'm considering slowing down my taper more than I wanted to, but that would not give me a period of 2 weeks in which to hopefully get used to being off lexapro.  I don't earn enough money to consider taking time off whenever I want.  If I slowed it I would be ending in the middle of a stressful contract, but it would also disable me from maybe getting a more creative job that I actually enjoy.  Lexapro has killed my creativity completely.  I infrequently have moments when I can visualize things in my head but I cannot control them, and I no longer enjoy drawing nor anything creative.  When I have blank paper in front of me nothing comes to mind and there is no desire to fill it with anything.  This has made me hate my life more than all events leading up to my being diagnosed with Lexapro, which were also horrible and traumatizing in their own right.  Having no internal self is like living life erasing yourself from existence.  

In any case, all the people are right - withdrawal gets rougher when you're on the lowest doses.  

 

[Dewalt]

The side effects I listed in my last post mostly abated after staying at this dose for about a week or so, so I'm continuing to lower.  I'm not feeling any side effects except numbness in mind and body and occasional crying spells.  I'm starting to feel some parts of myself sneak in now and then.  I'm going to do holds whenever I need to so I can continue to work, but hope to come off next month if I can.  

 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Dewalt said:

The side effects I listed in my last post mostly abated after staying at this dose for about a week or so, so I'm continuing to lower.  I'm not feeling any side effects except numbness in mind and body and occasional crying spells. 

 

I'm a bit confused about whether what you mean by side effects.

 

Side effects are bad effects caused by the drug.

 

Withdrawal effects are symptoms you get when you decrease the drug too quickly.

 

If you were experiencing side effects from the drug, these generally lessen as the dose gets lower.

 

It sounds like you are getting withdrawal symptoms, which is a sign that you need to slow down.

 

1 hour ago, Dewalt said:

I'm going to do holds whenever I need to so I can continue to work, but hope to come off next month if I can.  

 

When tapering we need to listen to our bodies.  It's better to hold for longer than to risk going too fast.  If you keep reducing when you are experiencing withdrawal symptoms they may get worse and it might make it difficult to work.

 

SA's recommended taper is no more than 10% of current dose followed by a hold of about 4 weeks which allows the brain to adapt to not get as much of the drug.

 

Please note that even though you only started Lexapro in October 2018, you have prior AD history.  The effect of psychiatric drug use is cumulative.  Also, it only takes about 1 month for the brain to become fully adapt to taking an AD.

 

When to end the taper and jump to zero?

 

Why taper paper: dose-occupancy curves

[Dewalt]

Sorry for the confusion - it’s been so long since I started tapering it’s hard to know for sure, but a side effect for me is basically feeling dead inside...  so it’s hard to know whether some things are withdrawal symptoms or side effects. 

Once I got down lower than 2.5mg I have been feeling SO much better!!  I finally have been feeling like myself. I haven’t been feeling any withdrawal symptoms at all for the past 10 days. 

I’m still lowering and will possibly jump off next month once I get to as low as I can cut. 

I realize I am not following protocol. It is my personal decision as the side effects of the medication have killed my will to create. While that is just a few words in a sentence the impact it has had on my life is irrevocable. I will have to slowly grow my creative practice with baby steps again, something that takes years for me to develop. All that work is gone. 

Also, I was on an extremely low dose of Pamelor. I took it for nerve pain, not as an antidepressant. I didn’t experience any withdrawal from that drug, nor did it do much for my mood. People take a much higher dose for antidepressant purposes from what I can tell - they take 10x the dose I was taking. Idk how much I have leftover from taking that but my guess would be that it’s not much compared to someone who actually took the drug with a dose effective to “treat” depression. 

[Fausto33]

how are you now @Dewalt i read you Don't have inner monologue and emotions like me .. you have an improvement with that ?

[Dewalt]

Hey!  Once I got below 2.5 mg I started having internal monologue-like thoughts intermittently and starting being able to imagine again.  It has increased with the dosage lowering.  Hopefully this is not just a phase or false hope!!!  I feel like I'm waking up, like I have been asleep for 8 months.  I'm feeling more emotions, sometimes sad and sometimes happy, but they are connected with my thoughts.  Things make more sense now.  

Only possible (?) withdrawal effect I may be feeling is the feeling of a spin when I move my eyes sometimes, but that is all.  I'm on about 1 mg at this point I think - I cut the doses a week or two beforehand and have a few extra doses at certain intervals just in case.  @Fausto33

[Gridley]

16 minutes ago, Dewalt said:

  I'm on about 1 mg at this point I think - I cut the doses a week or two beforehand and have a few extra doses at certain intervals just in case. 

 

That's great new, DeWalt, about your improved cognition.

 

  Be careful not to jump off too high.  1mg is too high, especially with a powerful drug like Lexapro.  

 

When to end the taper and jump to zero?

 

Brassmonkey, one of our moderators, wrote, "The thinking several years ago was that 1mg was a good target for jumping off.  Sadly that has been proven wrong on many occasions.  It is best to taper as low as possible before jumping.  If at all possible 0.1mg or smaller.  Those tiny doses are a pain to try and work with, but it will really pay off in the end."

 

[Dewalt]

Hi whoever may be interested in how I'm doing.

I went off in late June.  I was irritable for a couple weeks then things got slowly better, but I had another couple weeks of intense anxiety.  Mostly no depression though, until this week.  I guess this is a wave.  Feel like my body is made out of lead - so heavy and unmanageable.  Dragged myself out and went for a walk today, feeling a little better.

I had/have issues with PSSD and visual imagining, inner dialogue.  I read on a website for PSSD that some people have tried taking l-arginine and l-citrulline (amino acids) with success.  I wanted to try this but the only amino acids available at the store were a combo of 16 I think - but I was so desperate for anything that I tried it.  After taking these a few days, my desire came back greatly - and my visual imagination and visions started coming back.  Myself.  I didn't take them everyday after taking them about a week, but mostly the results have stayed - which is fantastic.   BUT - I have no idea of the safety of taking amino acids!!  I have not even taken the whole bottle though.  

This wave is rough though - I feel like my soul is garbage.  It's very hard not to affect the people around me and I hope that I'm not too toxic.  

Anyhow, I'm definitely glad I'm off of antidepressants.  They made me feel nothing and removed some of my cognition.  I think they should never have been mass produced.  It's possible that they could help some people but...just such a terrible experience.  Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel like I'm the same person.  Just need to accept where I am now, I guess.  

Good luck, everyone!

[Dewalt]

It's been a year and I haven't made any artwork.  Nothing.  

I had diverticulitis the week of Thanksgiving and was prescribed antibiotics.  I have the ability to imagine again - whenever I want to.  So far anyway.  I don't know what is going to last anymore.  I wonder if the gut bacteria that loved serotonin blocked my imagination.  It is so nice to have it back.  Now I remember why I went on lexapro to begin with.  I feel like the world would rather I erased myself from existence, that my voice is not meant to be heard.  I'm a substitute teacher right now because I can't find work in my field - mostly because my lack of imagination from lexapro made it so that I didn't have enough confidence to apply in any arts related job, but I have been trying more recently.  Because I work in a large school district, I never see the same people everyday, and children are the most thankless humans I've ever met.  There is no one telling me if I'm good at my job or not besides every once in awhile.  I have no good friends in the town I live in.  And my other friends I have to contact before they ever contact me, and I'm typically the one that visits them - no one visits me.   

I feel that lexapro removed my sense of humor from my brain.  I used to be funny and joke around a lot and I'm unable to now - I feel that anything that makes me different from others could make me a target for removal and should be avoided.  I don't feel I have any place in society besides being a cog.  I don't make enough money to survive and get more in debt every month.  I wish I could save up to move somewhere else, but then I would have to learn about a new place and start from square one.  Before lexapro I felt like I had a voice but now I have nothing.  My writing and creative skills have diminished and would require regular practice, or may never be the same, I have no idea.  I have no direction.  There is nothing I enjoy besides doing nothing by myself and eating.  I don't believe in the meaning of my life being that I'm to share my story - or a story - anymore.  I wonder if there is anyone that actually wishes they could see me around.  I wish my sense of humor was back too.

[Gridley]

9 minutes ago, Dewalt said:

my lack of imagination from lexapro

I'm glad your imagination is returning.  That's a very good sign.  

 

Lexapro and other AD's are designed to dull you out.  That's how they work.  I'm a writer, and though I could write while on Lexapro, it is now, during withdrawal, that my creativity has left me.  Also my sense of humor is severely limited compared to what it used to be.  I too suffer from anhedonia, lack of pleasure.  So what you're experiencing could be withdrawal instead of or in addition to the effects of the Lexapro.  The good news is that you will recover, and the fact that you're now able to imagine is a definite sign that you are healing.

[Dewalt]

I thought I would post an update.

I still suffer from sexual side affects, apathy, lack of creativity, and anhedonia.  I'm starting to think that some of this is due to the emotional trauma of being on antidepressants, although it is largely probably chemical.  I think that, in some way, you do react to all the things that normally would bother you, even while on antidepressants, and the trauma of this could cause some of the anhedonia.

Things that have helped me recover some feeling - sexual and otherwise: folinic acid, riboflavin, amino acids, and probiotics.  Probiotics helped some of my imagination, inner voice, and creativity return.  Amino acids make my sex drive return full force for about a day.  Folinic acid and riboflavin have helped my sex drive return in a dull fashion but in a more prolonged way.  I have had folate and b12 deficiencies, so this could be more related to that than anything else, but I thought it might be worth a try for people.  

What I hate the most is the feeling of self-importance or worth is totally gone.  I used to think that I was special and that my voice mattered.  I do not see that anymore.  I don't see anything special in me, but I also feel ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when I think or say that.  Like it doesn't even matter that I don't think of myself as worth anything.

The cost of antidepressants is so high. I feel like I have been chemically lobotomized - unfit for this time period.  I hope for things to slowly come back to a little bit more normal, for joy and happiness to be able to be felt.  

Another terrible thing is doctors and even therapists not believing you when you tell them how the drug has effected you.  They think it's just you being depressed from not being on the medication.  I'm a changed person, but not in a good way.  I'm number, which has enabled poor decision making as formerly I would be able to feel something from making a bad decision.  Now I just don't care and move more along a bad path.  I feel I will never come back to what I was and that I have to accept this weaker version of myself, who is incapable of delivering a strong argument or fight.  Nothing seems to be worth any battle.

[Dewalt]

Reading back over my posts I wonder if the PSSD and anhedonia wouldn't have developed if I had tapered more slowly.  I was so frustrated with how I felt though - so completely numb to the world.  I thought it was a side effect, not withdrawal.  Who can know.  

I think neurological healing is even longer for me as I have pernicious anemia.  All this could've been avoided if I had been getting proper treatment for that.  I can't believe that the people who developed and made this drug will get more money than i'll ever see in my life.  It's truly criminal.  

[Dewalt]

Although no one seems really interested, I'd like to check back in here and update.  I like to see how things seem to progress, hopefully.

I'm still dealing with emotional numbness, PSSD, and anhedonia but it comes in waves and windows.  The windows still aren't what they used to be- maybe more like a frosted window.  I still have trouble with creativity and an inner voice but setting aside time for making art has helped some.  

My life is going in a different direction than I wanted because of lexapro and that bothers me a lot.  Career wise I am heading in a direction that I do not think I should be headed, and I certainly would not be headed if I had not taken lexapro.  A lot of decisions it's impossible for me to know if they are good or not as it's hard to reach how I feel a lot of the time.

I'm in the early stages of pregnancy right now and some feeling has come back, but some withdrawal has come back too, and that has been alarming as I went off in June 2019.  I have had brain zaps and PSSD, numbness in my vaginal area.  I'm hoping though that it will come back to where it was before, even though that was still not back to normal.  I've been trying to look for info about this happening to anyone else but I can't find anything.  If anyone has any insight please let me know.

It's a crime that these medicines exist.