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MesXXI

MesXXI: please read please help - my journey

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MesXXI

It has been 5 months since I have been completely off SSRI’s.  I have taken almost every ssri on the market for the past 20 years along with Xanax for the same amount.

 

FYI I am still on Xanax & kolonopin.

 

I am under the care of a functional neurologist and therapist. I have also been taking supplements and amino acids from a well know nutrionist  to help with my “withdrawal” if that’s  what you call it??? When I first decided to get off my medication I was so excited to see what was on the other side. Like I said I’ve been on medication for 20 years and I’m only 36 so I don’t really remember what real life was before medication. Anyway... I spoke to my psychiatrist and told him I wanted off the meds. I had a really bad attack that day  and decided if I was going to get panic attacks on medication I rather have attacks off of them.

 

So we decided to go slow and come off 200 mg of Zoloft 20 mg at clip every 2 weeks. When I was completly off the medication I felt with severe brain zaps and muliple anxiety attacks for over 2 months  I was able to work through the attacks and zaps and stay positive thinking this is just the normal routine of detoxing of the meds. The past 3 months haven’t been any better. Depression has set in and the anxiety has been a everyday struggle.

 

I’m not sure if I’m feeling real feelings that I’ve never experienced bc I’ve been emotionally numb for the past 20 yrs or if it’s a combo of that and withdrawal. I have a supportive wife and 2 young daughters. I’m the sole provider for my family. Everyday is a struggle to go to work. Mostly it is the commute coming in and from work. I’m a welder in NYC. When I’m at work it’s mostly anxiety attacks like going to the store to get breakfast or simply waiting in the car or train to get home. Then when I get home my anxiety slows down and depression sets in. I have been extremely emotional like crying hysterically  bc I can’t stand the current state I’m in or the constant worrying about what tomorrow will bring.

 

Atm I feel like a terrible father and husband bc I’m so burnt out from dealing with attacks at work that when I get home all I want to do is sleep. I need to know when this will pass. I feel like the supplements aren’t working and I want to give up and go back on the meds. What can I do ! Ive been exercising ,reading (researching) about this condition,  and taking tons of supplements. Nothing is working. I feel horrible. Please help. 

 

Thanks for reading 

 

Steve 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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SkyBlue

Hello, Steve, and welcome to SA. 

 

It certainly sounds like you are experiencing severe withdrawal. It sounds very intense and awful. Many of us have been there, so you are in good company.

 

The most important thing to to right now to help us help you is to please create a "drug signature" including dosages and changes for the past 2 years especially. Please include the drugs you are still on as well. This will help us as far as what to recommend from here. 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/18343-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

We recommend caution with supplements -- they can further upset a nervous system that is already in chaos. 
Many people do well with magnesium, and/or fish oil. 

 

Please keep notes on paper about your daily symptom pattern, including times and dosages of any meds. 

 

Hang in there -- people definitely heal from this and there is life on the other side. 

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MesXXI

Since being off my SSRI’s I feel like I’m at the brink of a mental breakdown if this does happen. And I do need some time to myself. Can anyone recommend a treatment center. Holistic preffably ?  Live in nyc

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marconyc

Hi Steve--The moderators here are very knowledgeable and helpful. You've come to the right place for support and information. It sounds like you tapered way too quickly. 

 

I can relate to what you're going through. I had been on 150mg of Zoloft for about 17 years when I tapered. I went very slowly at first--from 150 to 75 over the course of about a year and a half--and didn't have much in the way of withdrawal, but when I tapered from 75 to 50, all hell broke loose. The return of my depression and anxiety was probably due to a few things: too fast a drop from 75 to 50, reaching a low enough dose, my nervous system having adjusted to the Zoloft over so many years, and several life circumstances (job burnout, wife had a failed IVF, brother diagnosed with cancer). I panicked. My psychiatrist increased the dose all the way to 200mg over the course of a few months and even added 1mg of Abilify. I'm now trying to taper off the Abilify and am down to 0.5mg. This has been going on for 2 years. I'm feeling much better now--good enough to try tapering off the Abilify--but still not back to normal. The whole time I've continued working at my high-stress job because I'm the main breadwinner for my family. I have often felt like I'm dragging everybody down. I've felt ashamed that I wasn't able to come off Zoloft. But beating myself up doesn't help. So try to give yourself a break. I bet you're a lot harder on yourself than anybody else. The important thing is to do what you need to so that your nervous system gets back to normal. 

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ChessieCat

Hi Mes and welcome to SA from me too,

 

You may be experiencing interdose withdrawal from your Xanax and Klonopin.  So that we can work if this is happening we need you to keep daily symptoms notes for the next 3 days, which will enable us to assess your situation.  Please post these notes here in your Introduction topic.

 

Example:


6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

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ChessieCat

Please create your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

  • details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
  • summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

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MesXXI

So when do you start feeling a little better??. I thought that  The withdrawal would be gone by now but it’s the same or even worse. I feel like a scared little kid. My mind is at high alert all the time. The littlest things that I couldn’t imagine getting anxiety over is giving me panic attacks.even though I have a lot of support  I feel so alone going through this. My mind isn’t getting a break from constant anxiety and worrying. That was why I was considering a treatment center. I just took a dna test from genX for my brain function. Hopefully when I get the results back it will tell me somthing. 

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MesXXI
18 hours ago, SkyBlue said:

Hello, Steve, and welcome to SA. 

 

It certainly sounds like you are experiencing severe withdrawal. It sounds very intense and awful. Many of us have been there, so you are in good company.

 

The most important thing to to right now to help us help you is to please create a "drug signature" including dosages and changes for the past 2 years especially. Please include the drugs you are still on as well. This will help us as far as what to recommend from here. 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/18343-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

We recommend caution with supplements -- they can further upset a nervous system that is already in chaos. 
Many people do well with magnesium, and/or fish oil. 

 

Please keep notes on paper about your daily symptom pattern, including times and dosages of any meds. 

 

Hang in there -- people definitely heal from this and there is life on the other side. 

Can you make sure I did it correctly. 

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Shep
1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

You may be experiencing interdose withdrawal from your Xanax and Klonopin.  So that we can work if this is happening we need you to keep daily symptoms notes for the next 3 days, which will enable us to assess your situation.  Please post these notes here in your Introduction topic.

 

Mes, what ChessieCat posted is really important. Xanax and Klonopin are notorious for causing paradoxical and rebound symptoms, especially with "as needed" use. This confuses the nervous system.

 

Let's work on getting you set up on a regular dosing schedule for the benzos. 

 

1 hour ago, MesXXI said:

Can you make sure I did it correctly. 

 

Please add the dates you were first prescribed Xanax and Klonopin to your signature. 

 

Also, August 2017 is the last date you have in your signature for being on an antidepressant, but in your first post, you state "It has been 5 months since I have been completely off SSRIs".  Is the year off in your signature? Or were you on another another AD after the Zoloft? 

 

Over the coming days, please post a drug and symptoms journal as Chessie Cat requested in her post here. After a couple of days of seeing how the drugs are effecting you, we can help you set up a regular dosing schedule for the benzos.

 

Please add any supplements you are taking in your journal, as well as any other drugs, including over-the-counter meds. 

 

Please continue to use this thread for your daily drug and symptoms journal. 

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MesXXI

Yes I did hear that and we did question my psychiatrist about this and we were told for the time being and the mental pain I was in. It would be beneficial. To be honest I don’t feel The kolonopin and inwas thinking about asking him to put me on a Xanax XR instead.  

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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MesXXI

Sorry shep my mind has been all over the place. I believe I corrected my med log to the best of my knowledge 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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marconyc
4 hours ago, MesXXI said:

So when do you start feeling a little better??. I thought that  The withdrawal would be gone by now but it’s the same or even worse. I feel like a scared little kid. My mind is at high alert all the time. The littlest things that I couldn’t imagine getting anxiety over is giving me panic attacks.even though I have a lot of support  I feel so alone going through this. My mind isn’t getting a break from constant anxiety and worrying. That was why I was considering a treatment center. I just took a dna test from genX for my brain function. Hopefully when I get the results back it will tell me somthing. 

It took several months after reinstatement to start feeling better. I took Klonopin pretty regularly at first while waiting for the reinstated Zoloft to kick in. Unfortunately the Zoloft didn’t get me back to normal, even after upping the dose to 200mg. It did improve my symptoms enough for me to function—until my brother was diagnosed with cancer, which is when my shrink added 1mg of Abilify. I didn’t want to take it but I needed to be able to get out of bed for work. I was in an acute situation, and I figured I could try tapering again later once I was stable. In the meantime, I went back into therapy and made sure to exercise regularly. For me, running has helped a lot, the longer the better. I’ve been doing 5-6 mile runs whenever possible. Slowly, over the past 2 years, I’ve gotten better. I have days where I feel back to normal now, although I still have tough days. I think the withdrawal has been made more difficult and drawn out for me because I have the same job, which I hate, and because my wife and I are still trying to start a family.

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Shep
12 hours ago, Shep said:

Please add the dates you were first prescribed Xanax and Klonopin to your signature. 

 

Your signature is here:

 

Account - Setting - Signature

 

Please let us know more about your Xanax and Klonopin use - including how long you've been taking it. From your first post, you mention being on Xanax for 20 years but there's no mention of how long you've been on Klonopin.

 

As you are able to post your drug and symptoms journal, we'll be able to help you set up a consistent schedule for taking these drugs. Then you can stabilize and slowly taper off. 

 

 

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marconyc

Hi Steve—How are you doing?

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MesXXI

Does anyone know of any group gatherings in the nyc/LI area dealing with anxiety & depression?? 

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MesXXI

Has anyone here detoxed from benzos. I’m strongly considering it. My therapist is persuading me to go to a facility and detox. Bc she said I truly won’t get better if I’m on any medication  I have been taking them for almost 20 years. Xanax 2mg. I need advise, how your felt , time frame ect. I’m Currently coming off SSRI’s for 5 months and still feel horrible. Please comment !! Thanks

 

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ChessieCat

SA recommends tapering only one drug at a time.

 

Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?
If you're not having an adverse reaction from the other medications, taper the most activating drug first. This is usually an antidepressant or stimulant (ADHD drug).

 

You are using Xanax intermittently which may cause issues.  You are also using 5htp, dopaboost (Mucuna pruriens), ashwaghanda and SeroBoost.  See next post for ingredients.

 

On 7/31/2013 at 9:19 PM, GiaK said:

I used to take ashwaganda daily...it's one of many supplements that went south on me...it's now agitating and very unpleasant...just FYI

 

Understanding the way psychiatric drugs work may help you to realise that we don't need to detox to get rid of the drug.

 

When we take a psychiatric drug, we are adding chemical/s to the brain.  The brain then has to change to adapt to getting the chemical/s.  It might have to change something to do with A and then once that change has been made it affects B so another change has to be made and so on down the line.  It is a chain reaction, a domino effect.

 

The same thing happens when we take the drug away.  That's why it's possible to experience such a vast array of withdrawal symptoms, and they can change, and be of different intensity.

 

On 8/31/2011 at 5:28 AM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

 

inpatient-detox-or-rehab

 

detox-facility

 

no-recommendations-for-commercial-programs-to-assist-withdrawal

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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ChessieCat

Taking DopaBoost and SeroBoost whilst taking an antidepressant is probably unwise.

 

Check the amount of Vitamin B6 you are taking daily.  We have members who find B vitamins activating, especially B6.

 

vitamin-b6

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MesXXI
15 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Taking DopaBoost and SeroBoost whilst taking an antidepressant is probably unwise.

 

Check the amount of Vitamin B6 you are taking daily.  We have members who find B vitamins activating, especially B6.

 

vitamin-b6

 

I have been off of my antidepressants for over 6 months now. 

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ChessieCat

Sorry, my oversight.

 

However, the supplements which are taking may be causing issues.

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eymen23

Hi Steve,

 

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That’s a fast taper for 200mg of Zoloft and it saddens me to think that kind of process is the norm by a psychiatrist’s standards. I really do hope (as many here do) that the information on how dangerous these drugs are will get out into the mainstream one day and change how they’re prescribed by doctors. 

 

In respect of the benzo, I would strongly suggest you don’t make any drastic changes at this point. Benzo withdrawal can be very punishing in its own right, so to add that onto the back of a fast taper from the maximum recommended dose of Zoloft could really kick up a storm.

 

I completely understand your logic.... if you feel bad on the meds.... why not stop the meds? It’s a completely fair reasoning, but it’s absolutely vital you let your body stabilise because things can get even worse. It’s a harsh reality to accept, but sadly making drastic changes can leave you in an even worse place, long before it puts you into a better one. 

 

If you read enough intro topics on here (I wouldn’t recommend this if you’re in a state of high anxiety), you’ll see that people often feel bad whilst taking a drug or withdrawing from a drug, so logic dictates they need to change drugs, add the drug back at full dose etc. and often they end up getting worse and worse with each drastic change. You’re doing very well just to keep things consistent and I can assure you that it’s a much less risky course of action. 

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MesXXI
19 hours ago, eymen23 said:

Hi Steve,

 

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That’s a fast taper for 200mg of Zoloft and it saddens me to think that kind of process is the norm by a psychiatrist’s standards. I really do hope (as many here do) that the information on how dangerous these drugs are will get out into the mainstream one day and change how they’re prescribed by doctors. 

 

In respect of the benzo, I would strongly suggest you don’t make any drastic changes at this point. Benzo withdrawal can be very punishing in its own right, so to add that onto the back of a fast taper from the maximum recommended dose of Zoloft could really kick up a storm.

 

I completely understand your logic.... if you feel bad on the meds.... why not stop the meds? It’s a completely fair reasoning, but it’s absolutely vital you let your body stabilise because things can get even worse. It’s a harsh reality to accept, but sadly making drastic changes can leave you in an even worse place, long before it puts you into a better one. 

 

If you read enough intro topics on here (I wouldn’t recommend this if you’re in a state of high anxiety), you’ll see that people often feel bad whilst taking a drug or withdrawing from a drug, so logic dictates they need to change drugs, add the drug back at full dose etc. and often they end up getting worse and worse with each drastic change. You’re doing very well just to keep things consistent and I can assure you that it’s a much less risky course of action. 

Thank you 

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MesXXI

I feel like I’m giving up on myself.  I have my wife telling me she can’t see me miserable anymore. I’m constantly yelling at my children and have my therapist telling me I should get off the benzos now. Everyday is a constant struggle ( work & home). I wake up with constant worries then go to work and deal with anxiety then deal with constant panic attacks on the way home from work till I get home to be miserable/depressed in my own house with My family And then all I look forward too is to going to sleep. All to do it again the next day. Groundhogs day. When is this going to stop !!!! I want to run away but I don’t know where too, I want to cry but can’t. I want to go to the hospital but they will put me back on meds. I want out but don’t know what out is. Extremely confused and defeated 

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Rezten

Hi Mes,

 

Don't give up.  Recovery will happen.  I feel your pain and want to give up most days too, but I somehow I keep going.  You are right, it is like Ground hog day, but it will get better. That's what I'm told and looking at people's recovery stories it does get better.  Just takes time.  

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Altostrata

Hello, Mes. I think two things may be happening here:

 

- Withdrawal syndrome from Zoloft (please put the date of your last dose in your signature). For this, you might try liquid Zoloft by prescription and taking a test dose of 0.5mg. Even that small amount may reduce withdrawal symptoms. Please report what happens here in this topic; if it works, you might take a little more. Then you would stabilize and taper off  properly later, see Tips for tapering off Zoloft (sertraline)

 

- Possible interdose withdrawal or paradoxical reactions from the benzos. This is quite common, benzos are a two-edged sword. To figure this out, we need you to keep daily notes about the times of day you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms. By balancing your dosing, you might be able to reduce both the Zoloft withdrawal and adverse reactions from the benzos.

 

On 1/21/2019 at 4:32 PM, MesXXI said:

Yes I did hear that and we did question my psychiatrist about this and we were told for the time being and the mental pain I was in. It would be beneficial. To be honest I don’t feel The kolonopin and inwas thinking about asking him to put me on a Xanax XR instead.  

 

 

Your psychiatrist is utterly clueless about withdrawal symptoms. Suggest you immediately fire this person and stop listening to nonsense like this.

 

Any doctor can prescribe these drugs. Do you have a good relationsihp with your GP? You might say you've run into trouble with withdrawal and need to get straightened out before you taper off all the drugs.

 

On 1/30/2019 at 2:47 PM, MesXXI said:

Has anyone here detoxed from benzos. I’m strongly considering it. My therapist is persuading me to go to a facility and detox. Bc she said I truly won’t get better if I’m on any medication  I have been taking them for almost 20 years. Xanax 2mg. I need advise, how your felt , time frame ect. I’m Currently coming off SSRI’s for 5 months and still feel horrible. Please comment !! Thanks

 

 

Another nonsensical opinion from somebody who doesn't understand you are suffering from withdrawal syndrome. If you want to continue your relationship with this therapist, I recommend you ask her to question her assumptions and get real about what's going on with you.

 

Please do not quit your benzos. Rather, work with @Shep  to balance your benzo dosing. You will taper off them later.

 

I have no doubt you feel terrible and despairing. Having to deal with withdrawal syndrome is very different from dealing with "depression." If you found a mental health support group, you probably would hear from many people who got withdrawal syndrome or other adverse effects of psychiatric drugs and still believe that means they have a psychiatric disorder. Withdrawal syndrome is very common but few people understand it's an adverse effect and not a psychiatric disorder. See

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms?

 

How do you talk to your doctor about tapering and withdrawal? 

 

Withdrawal or relapse? Or something else?

 

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Are We There Yet? How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

 

"Is it always going to be like this?"

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms 

  

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

What you need to do is stay as calm as possible and work on getting a prescription for liquid Zoloft and lining up a sympathetic doctor who will continue your benzo prescriptions so you may taper off properly. If you have access to one, an integrative doctor might be good -- but I would not take too many supplements, etc., that's not the way out.

 

Please let us know how you're doing by posting in this topic.

 

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Shep
8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Please do not quit your benzos. Rather, work with @Shep  to balance your benzo dosing. You will taper off them later.

 

Mesxxi, we have asked numerous times for a drug and symptoms journal hereherehere and Alto's last post here

 

We aren't going to be able to help you without this information. You are coming across as frustrated and disorganized, which is completely understandable when dealing with withdrawal, as well as work and family. By doing a daily journal, you can organize your drugs, sort through your symptoms, and figure out a game plan for coming off. 

 

If you aren't willing or able to provide this information, we won't be able to help you.

 

Here, again, is what we need:

 

On 9/27/2016 at 2:49 PM, Altostrata said:

In the course of discussion in your Introductions forum topic, you may be asked to keep notes on paper of your daily symptom pattern, including when you take your drugs, their dosages, and any symptoms.

 

What we need to see for every single day over several days is what symptoms you get before and after you take your drugs. If you're not taking any drugs, we need to see your symptom pattern throughout the day: Are symptoms worse at any particular times of day?

 

The time of day, dosage, and severity of symptoms are essential information. Include:

- Time and dosage for drugs taken in morning, with time and description of any symptoms in the morning
 
- Time and dosage for drugs taken in afternoon, with time and description of any symptoms in the afternoon
 
- Time and dosage for drugs taken in evening, with time and description of any symptoms in the evening
 
- Time and dosage for drugs taken in middle of the night, with time and description of any symptoms in the middle of the night (such as waking)
 
And so forth. A diary, in chronological order, looking something like this:
 
6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

 

 

 

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Shep
8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Withdrawal syndrome from Zoloft (please put the date of your last dose in your signature). For this, you might try liquid Zoloft by prescription and taking a test dose of 0.5mg. Even that small amount may reduce withdrawal symptoms. Please report what happens here in this topic; if it works, you might take a little more. Then you would stabilize and taper off  properly later, see Tips for tapering off Zoloft (sertraline)

 

Please also have a read of the reinstatement thread, which will explain why it's best to use a small dose, as Alto's wrote "a test dose". 

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms 

 

As you post your daily drug and symptoms journal, we can help guide you in a reinstatement and get your benzo timing sorted out. 

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Carmie

Hi Mes, 

 

Shep and Alto really want to help you, but they need a daily drug and symptoms log. Please don’t give up on yourself. I know this is all very scary and frustrating, but we will all heal in the end. Please make the effort to write down a log so they can help you. 

 

I’m really sorry you are going through this, it is a horrible thing to go through. Everyone on this site is suffering with withdrawals, but we will all eventually be success stories. It’s just a really long and slow process.

 

Again, please write down your daily symptom log, Thanks so much.

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

 

 

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MesXXI

4:30 am woke up before my alarm with minor heart palpitations and started to worry about how my day is going to start . Stayed up till >

5:18 am alarm went off took 0.5 mg of Xanax and 0.5 mg of Clonazepam along with my supplement dopaboost, L theanine, seroplus, magnesium, lithium 5mg ,fish oil ,ashesganda and vitamin D 

6:00 am started to feel anxiety heading into the city. Did some stomach breathing went away. 

7:00 am work starts feel ok. (Mind Occupied) 

8:30 am took 0.5 mg of xanxax felt anxious waiting in line to pay for food  ate a light breakfast. Banana, water and a granola bar 

11:45 am took 0.5 or Xanax went to lunch. Felt anxious but try my hardest  to pay no mind and talk myself out of it. Took a 30 min nap. 

12:30 went back to work

1:45 pm alarm on my phone goes off time to take another 0.5 mg of Xanax to prepare myself to get in the car and sit in traffic to get home.  

2:15 pm head to parking lot. Feel extremely anxious walking to parking lot. Tons of people walking (nyc) around and the combo of the sun and freezing weather is extremely uncomfortable for me 

2:30 pm in car in traffic anxiety kicks in. Sweating hands, difficulty breathing, heart palpitations and false sense of reality. 

3:15 pm get home see wife and daughters feel  happy 

4:00 pm feel anxious after shower take some CBD and start to lift weights 

5:20 pm take 0.5 mg of Xanax and 0.5 of clonazapam eat dinner. 

7:00 pm take supplements 

7:30 pm take my daughter up to bed and lay with her until she falls asleep. Feel completely depressed about my situation

8:30 pm fell asleep. (Sleep throughout the night) never have trouble sleeping or staying asleep 

 

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MesXXI

To clarify when I’m away from home is when I have the most anxiety/panic attacks. Rarely do I ever have a panic attack at home and if I do it is a lot easier to control. With meds and relaxation techniques. But when I am home and my Brain is idled no matter how much I do to keep occupied I start worrying that leads to depression along with the stress of my young children. That leads to short temperment and the feeling of not getting “a break” 5 out of 7 days I have to nap in the afternoon (mostly after work) I feel my brain needs to shutdown and reboot. Usually will nap for 1 1/2 to 3 hrs. Most of the time. Napping helps a great deal with my mood (not with my marriage lol) . Have been napping like this for as long as I can remember. Way over 15 years 

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Shep
14 hours ago, MesXXI said:

5:18 am alarm went off took 0.5 mg of Xanax and 0.5 mg of Clonazepam along with my supplement dopaboost, L theanine, seroplus, magnesium, lithium 5mg ,fish oil ,ashesganda and vitamin D 

8:30 am took 0.5 mg of xanxax 

11:45 am took 0.5 or Xanax 

1:45 pm 0.5 mg of Xanax 

4:00 pm take some CBD

5:20 pm take 0.5 mg of Xanax and 0.5 of clonazapam

7:00 pm take supplements 

 

Thanks for your drug and symptoms journal. Very well done. I extracted the times, drugs, and doses to zone in on when and what you are taking. 

 

Please look up your supplements by using the search box or googling "survivingantidepressants.org" + ["name of supplement"]. If you've been on them for a long time, you may not want to make any changes, but it will be helpful for you to be familiar with how they may affect you during withdrawal. For instance, vitamin D is sometimes stimulating for people during withdrawal. 

 

Some of your anxiety symptoms are likely rebound anxiety, which benzos are notorious for causing. You have "as needed" in your signature for Xanax. Do you usually take Xanax every day? Or do you doses vary? 

 

What are your thoughts on reinstating a small amount of your antidepressant? 

 

Please keep posting your drug and symptoms journal daily. 

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MesXXI

@Shep I have been taking my Xanax at those specific times for as long as I can remember. I’m scared to re-introduce a antidepressants bc I’ve made it this far without it. What if it doesn’t work ? To be honest I’m just really scared of the unknown. Also I am waiting on a dna test I took from max genetics that should tell me a little bit more about my brain function. In  two weeks it should have my results then will make a appt with my psychiatrist. Also want to get off the Kolonpin. Bc I don’t believe it is doing anything for me. When you say “rebounding” do you mean withdrawal. High and lows of how the Xanax comes up

and down ?  I trust you judgement shep and if you think somthing would help me I will try it. Thanks 

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MesXXI

Had a horrible panic attack on the way home from work today. All day everything went so well until the drive home then boom pure panic. Thankfully my buddy was driving but  I totally

had a breakdown in the car finally after taking 1.5 mg of Xanax in a 45 min time frame  the attack subsided. When I walked into my house i complely broke down in tears. I feel like I am not being able to provide for my family bc I’m litteraly scared to go to work in fear that another panic attack is on it way. 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
extracted response

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eymen23

Hi MesXXL,

 

I’ve just taken a better look at some of these supplements you’re taking, in particular dopaboost and seroplus. They contain a lot of different ingredients, any of which could be disagreeing with your nervous system. 

 

There was a time where I invested a lot of time and money in functional medicine and the various supplements. Having trialed these things and done a lot of research, you’ll find that most people don’t get any real long term benefit from these types of expensive products with a multitude of different active ingredients, which really serve as a shotgun approach. For somebody with a sensitive nervous system, these products can be a real headache, because they tend to use several powerful active ingredients in high doses, and it can be way too much. 

 

I’ll give you one example. Between the dopaboost and seroplus you’re taking nearly 12mg of vitamin b6 per day in its active form. That’s a lot by anybody’s standards, but that could be far too much for somebody going through withdrawal. I see it also has the active form of folate, which is again very powerful as it plays a big part in the body’s methylation cycle. 

 

I think that there’s a lot we can learn from functional medicine and holistic approaches. It’s always going to be a sensible idea to eat a nutritious and healthy diet for example. However, there is little money to be made in selling people on the idea of eating healthily, so there are all kinds of supplements and regimens you’ll see advertised for ‘anti candida’, ‘adrenal fatigue’, ‘SIBO’, ‘neurotransmitter balancing’ etc. 

 

All of this stuff is based around science and facts, but the associations can be quite weak, and in my personal opinion, many of these alternative practitioners and supplement companies end up pushing regimens in a similar fashion to the way physiciatrists push drugs. In a way that is not appreciative of how different our personal biologies are, and in a way that disregards the possibility of adverse reactions or side effects. 

 

How long have you been taking these supplements? Do you feel they’ve been of any benefit? 

 

The other thing I notice from your notes is that you’re lifting weights. I would suggest taking that very light and easy, possibly moving over to more low intensity cardiovascular exercise, until you’re feeling more stable. Not everybody finds intense exercise worsens symptoms, but it’s not uncommon for it to happen, because it’s adding stress to an already stressed system. 

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Altostrata

Did this happen to you, Mes?

 

Quote

Had a horrible panic attack on the way home from work today. All day everything went so well until the drive home then boom pure panic. Thankfully my buddy was driving but I totally had a breakdown in the car finally after taking 1.5 mg of Xanax in a 45 min time frame the attack subsided. When I walked into my house i complely broke down in tears. I feel like I am not being able to provide for my family bc I’m litteraly scared to go to work in fear that another panic attack is on it way

.

What do you mean by a panic attack? What happened? How did you feel? How long did this last? How often does something like this happen?

 

Please do your best to stay calm when you feel odd symptoms, adding your distress about them makes them worse. We see this type of symptom all the time.

 

As we've explained, you may be experiencing interdose or paradoxical symptoms from the benzos, and taking them on a different schedule may help.

 

Why did you start taking benzos to begin with? Why are you taking Xanax with clonazepam?

 

These symptoms can also be withdrawal from the Zoloft. Taking a tiny bit of Zoloft may help. If I were you, I'd try a test dose of 0.5mg Zoloft liquid first. If it works, we don't have to do complicated things with the benzos.

 

On 2/1/2019 at 4:46 PM, MesXXI said:

my supplement dopaboost, L theanine, seroplus, magnesium, lithium 5mg ,fish oil ,ashesganda and vitamin D 

 

What the heck are these? How long have you been taking 5mg lithium, and what for? Is this the over-the-counter lithium? What effect does it have on you?

 

How long have you been taking ashwagandha, and at what amounts?

 

Please stop taking vitamin D.

 

Please take photos of the dopaboost and seroplus labels and post them here.

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