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MesXXI

MesXXI: please read please help - my journey

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Gracee
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

 The "panic attacks" very well may be interdose withdrawal from the benzo. The benzo is encouraging you to be addicted to it.

 

 Even though you are probably getting adverse reactions from your long-time benzo schedule, you are being very stubborn holding onto it.

 

 

 

MesXXI:  Addiction is a powerful beast.

I know your suffering and you are in my thoughts.

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MesXXI

@Gracee thank you. I have forgave my parents for letting doctors prescribe me all these meds when I was 15yr.without question?  . Me and my wife run a very holistic and organic lifestyle for our children and it has a lot to do with our parents mistakes. xanax has been the only pill I’ve have counted on. It’s  horrible to think that somthing that helped me through so much can be my own worst  enemy.  

 

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Gracee
4 minutes ago, MesXXI said:

@Gracee thank you. I have forgave my parents for letting doctors prescribe me all these meds when I was 15yr.without question?  . Me and my wife run a very holistic and organic lifestyle for our children and it has a lot to do with our parents mistakes. xanax has been the only pill I’ve have counted on. It’s  horrible to think that somthing that helped me through so much can be my own worst  enemy.  

 

 

Yes, When we admit that our greatest support has become our greatest enemy, we can take action.  I believe you have the strength to succeed and wish you all the best.

G.

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MesXXI

Day 2 of 5 mg of Prozac. Haven’t felt much of a difference still feeling the same crappy feeling. Also have decreased my cigarettes intake from 6 cigs to 1 cigarette a day. Been about a full week of smoking just one cigarette a day  . I don’t smoke it all at once. I couple a of drags throughout the day. Also have been on a strict benzo schedule. Has hard as it’s been wanting to take more. 

5 am .5 Xanax .5 kolonopin 

9:30 am .5 Xanax 

12:00 pm .5 Xanax 

3:00 pm .5 Xanax 

5:30 on .5 Kolonpin 

 

it has been the 5th day in a row I have woken up around 3/4:00 am without getting back to sleep. Extremely frustrating. Doing breathing exercises (4.7.8) and dr joe dispenza Guided meditations 2x’s daily

 

havent left the house since I got home from work on friday. Declined going out to dinner with my family for my mother birthday tonight. She understood. Cried a couple of times. Also not looking forward to getting back to work in the real world tomorrow. 

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Shep
11 hours ago, MesXXI said:

Day 2 of 5 mg of Prozac. Haven’t felt much of a difference still feeling the same crappy feeling. Also have decreased my cigarettes intake from 6 cigs to 1 cigarette a day. Been about a full week of smoking just one cigarette a day  . I don’t smoke it all at once. I couple a of drags throughout the day. Also have been on a strict benzo schedule. Has hard as it’s been wanting to take more. 

5 am .5 Xanax .5 kolonopin 

9:30 am .5 Xanax 

12:00 pm .5 Xanax 

3:00 pm .5 Xanax 

5:30 on .5 Kolonpin 

 

You likely are in nicotine withdrawal, which can ramp up symptoms. 

 

What time of day are you taking Prozac? 

 

I'm glad you have a set benzo schedule now. That will help a lot. 

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MesXXI

@Shep in the morning 6 am could the smoking induce insomnia.  This morning was up at 2:30 am ???

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Shep
1 hour ago, MesXXI said:

@Shep in the morning 6 am could the smoking induce insomnia.  This morning was up at 2:30 am ???

 

Yes, if you google "nicotine withdrawal", you'll find sleep disturbances to be a symptom. Even though nicotine can have a calming effect, withdrawing from nicotine can cause agitation and anxiety. 

 

You may want to reinstate one or two cigarettes a day and see if you feel better. 

 

If coming off cigarettes is something you'd like to do, perhaps a much more gradual taper later when you're not struggling so much. Right now, you need to be consistent and stabilize. 

 

What time of the day are you taking the Prozac? 

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MesXXI

@shep I take the Prozac at 6am. I didn’t plan on quitting I still have about 1 cigarette a day. But I’ve been getting anxiety smoking so I decided to stop. But for now I’m going smoke 2 cigs a day and see if that’s the reason. That’s the only

the real change I’ve made in a week that could effect me like this. Man insomnia is BRUTAL! 

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MesXXI

You don’t think it wise to take .5 mg of Xanax when I wake up on the middle of the night to get back to bed @Shep

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Shep
19 hours ago, MesXXI said:

You don’t think it wise to take .5 mg of Xanax when I wake up on the middle of the night to get back to bed @Shep

 

Again, you need to be consistent. How are you going to know if the Prozac you just added is helping or not if you're masking side effects with irregular benzo dosing? 

 

There are people who do take a portion of their benzo when they wake up in the middle of the night, but that's because they have their schedule set so it's not an extra benzo, but part of what they're supposed to take each day. Asdf is a member in the benzo forum who sets an alarm to wake up to take a dose in the middle of the night and then goes back to sleep. I'm not saying you should do this, but if you know you're going to wake up anyway around a certain time, you may want to schedule a benzo dose then instead of taking so much during the day. 

 

That being said, if you do this, you'll have to manage your daytime symptoms better because it will mean eliminating a daytime dose in order to take it in the middle of the night. 

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MesXXI

Day 5 of 5mg of Prozac starting to feel 25% better then before. Mornings are still hard and waking up at 3am no matter what time I go to sleep has been a bit of a challenge. As I stated in my last post the insomnia started 3-4 days before I reinstated the Zoloft then to Prozac.   Today I started to get my appetite back a little aswell. Trying to stay as positive. Hopefully my sleep patterns get back on track when my nerves settle down. Crossing fingers. 

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eymen23

Mes,

 

I’m really glad to hear you’ve noticed an improvement with the Prozac. Let’s hope it continues. 

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MesXXI

Hey just reporting you guys things have been better since the reinstatement of Prozac 5mg. Still waking up around 3-4 am no matter how tired or how late I stay up. So I have learned not to get discouraged and deal with it. I am also feeling very uncomfortable in my own body inside and out .(example) Its a lot harder for me to go Pick my daughter up from school or go get a haircut. (Social settings)  Is this bc my nerves have been a mess and my body is adjusting. I was able to understand these feelings the past 6 months I was off the AD’s just bc I thought I was in withdrawl but now I’m getting concerned that it is permanent and I would have to relearn to get over these feeling over again. I know it have only been now 6 days back on AD’s but could use some reassurance or feedback. Thanks 

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Shep

This is a positive report, Mes. 

 

You state you're continuing to wake up at 3 - 4 am. What time are you going to bed? Early awakening is a very common sleep problem during withdrawal for many of us. Dr. Kelly Brogan, a holistic psychiatrist whose entire practice is on helping people come off their psych drugs, advocates an early bedtime of 8 PM. I can't do that because I work and don't get home until around 7, but I try to get into bed before 10 and that seems to help. During withdrawal we are especially prone to early awakening due to cortisol, so if you can schedule your sleep around the peak cortisol times, the more sleep you'll get. Again, difficult for those of us who work or take care of small children, but something to strive toward. 

 

What is the sleep cycle?

 

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Do you wear a sleep mask? That can really help block out any early morning light that comes in. There are other tips that may be helpful in that second link. 

 

Let us know how you do over the weekend. 

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MesXXI

@Shep I usually go to bed around between 8-9 Pm. Sleep has always been a easy task for me. It’s very easy for me to fall asleep but staying asleep past 3-4 pm is a challenge. This has never happened to me before in my whole life. It’s extremely  fustrating and was wondering if it does go away in time? It has been effecting me at work.  I was told by my Dr to take melatonin 7-9  but I am hesitant. I don’t think a mask would help bc once 3-4 am hits my eyelids open ! 99% of the time I just focus on breathing listen to some meditation music And wait for my alarm to go off for work. I figured out the first day fighting it is a total waste of time so I’m trying to except it. As crappy as I feel. 

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MesXXI

It has been 8 days since I’ve reinstated 5 mg of Prozac, also on the same strict benzo regiment. some of the withdrawals have subsided a little, like my appetite is back and the extreme depression has lifted  but I am extremely unmotivated to do anything. It turns into mini depression episodes bc I feel worthless . Not to mention I’m so scared to drive anywhere or go to places by myself in fear of a panic attack. At work Constant anxiety is always around with a panic attack waiting around the corner. To be honest I’m always “scared”. My wife is sick of me as I would be too. But it’s frustrating bc she has no clue how I feel. She just tells me to “suck it up”. I hate that she says that. Also my therapist told me that I say the same thing every time I’m in her office and it seems like she is fed up with me too. Her advice conflicts with your advise. She told me yesterday she believes I should be in a benzo detox center. Idk what to do. Just venting. Hope things get better. I feel like everything is falling apart. 

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MesXXI
5 hours ago, Shep said:

This is a positive report, Mes. 

 

 

 

 

How is this positive? Hard to understand. Maybe I missed somthing 

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ChessieCat
4 hours ago, MesXXI said:

How is this positive? Hard to understand. Maybe I missed somthing 

 

On 2/15/2019 at 11:35 AM, MesXXI said:

things have been better since the reinstatement of Prozac 5mg.

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Gracee

MesXXI, How many doctors are prescribing you benzos?  Do you have another source besides physicians?

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MesXXI
1 hour ago, Gracee said:

MesXXI, How many doctors are prescribing you benzos?  Do you have another source besides physicians?

I have one psychiatrist that prescribed   both ad & benzos. My GP retired but never used him for prescribing meds.  I also work with a therapist who is very holistic minded. So clashing of opinions are often 

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Gracee

So are you sandwiched between a psychiatrist who encourages benzos and a therapist  who believes you are addicted and recommends detox?  What are your psychiatrist's thoughts about your benzo use?

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MesXXI

He wants to taper the Bezos.  Say my

gaba system needs help @Gracee

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MesXXI

To @Shep and @Altostrata @eymen23  I spoke to my Psychiatrist today. We all can agree the benzos aren’t doing anything but making my situation worse. He said “my gaba system needs help”.  So instead of getting off the AD’d first, He wants to up my dose from 5mg to 10mg of the Prozac to stabilize me  bc I still feel horrible and start tapering the benzo after I’m comfortable. What I’m thinking is I can also have the insurance to cover and inpatient benzo detox. I don’t have to get off completely maybe get off half of my daily dose of benzos  if that  would help the situation or make it worse idk? What are your thoughts. I really put my trust into you guys and I’m looking for your support and knowledge ASAP. Thanks so much 

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JackieDecides
2 hours ago, MesXXI said:

He wants to up my dose from 5mg to 10mg of the Prozac to stabilize me

 

I don't think he can know that is what will happen; it could make you worse. 🙁

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MesXXI
1 hour ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I don't think he can know that is what will happen; it could make you worse. 🙁

It might it might not. I’m desperate 

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Gracee

MesXXI For you.........I agree on tapering benzos now.

I only say this as someone who has spent three to four hours a week, for the past 16 years, with recovering alcoholics and addicts.   It is only my opinion.  I don't claim to be an expert.

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MesXXI

@Gracee it been 20 years they have prescribed be this crap. In order for me to attempt a benzo detox or taper I need to feeel better and going back on AD’s to get comfortable is the only way I know to combat a benzo detox. I am a total wreck rite now. My main goal isn’t to get off all medication it’s to be able to make it work again for the time being.i realized that at this point in my life I can’t stop the AD’s rite now.  And it seemed like the 6 months off the ad’s I was safely able to reinstate again. I hope I can do this with the benzo’s down the road. I need my sanity back. For a little to get the strength to fight this benzo WD 

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Altostrata
On 2/11/2019 at 7:42 AM, MesXXI said:

@shep I take the Prozac at 6am. I didn’t plan on quitting I still have about 1 cigarette a day. But I’ve been getting anxiety smoking so I decided to stop. But for now I’m going smoke 2 cigs a day and see if that’s the reason. That’s the only

the real change I’ve made in a week that could effect me like this. Man insomnia is BRUTAL! 

 

Where are you in your taper off cigarettes? Personally, I think this is a good thing, but you must be prepared for some bumps because, as @Shep pointed out, there are withdrawal effects from going off nicotine.

 

On 2/16/2019 at 8:00 AM, MesXXI said:

@Shep I usually go to bed around between 8-9 Pm. Sleep has always been a easy task for me. It’s very easy for me to fall asleep but staying asleep past 3-4 pm is a challenge. This has never happened to me before in my whole life. It’s extremely  fustrating and was wondering if it does go away in time? It has been effecting me at work.  I was told by my Dr to take melatonin 7-9  but I am hesitant. I don’t think a mask would help bc once 3-4 am hits my eyelids open ! 99% of the time I just focus on breathing listen to some meditation music And wait for my alarm to go off for work. I figured out the first day fighting it is a total waste of time so I’m trying to except it. As crappy as I feel. 

 

You are having typical withdrawal insomnia. As explained in

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing cortisol spikes

 

wearing a sleep mask can help, as can darkening the bedroom with blackout curtains and shades. If you are serious about wanting better sleep, try a sleep mask.

 

On 2/16/2019 at 8:23 AM, MesXXI said:

It has been 8 days since I’ve reinstated 5 mg of Prozac, also on the same strict benzo regiment. some of the withdrawals have subsided a little, like my appetite is back and the extreme depression has lifted  but I am extremely unmotivated to do anything. It turns into mini depression episodes bc I feel worthless . Not to mention I’m so scared to drive anywhere or go to places by myself in fear of a panic attack. At work Constant anxiety is always around with a panic attack waiting around the corner. To be honest I’m always “scared”. My wife is sick of me as I would be too. But it’s frustrating bc she has no clue how I feel. She just tells me to “suck it up”. I hate that she says that. Also my therapist told me that I say the same thing every time I’m in her office and it seems like she is fed up with me too. Her advice conflicts with your advise. She told me yesterday she believes I should be in a benzo detox center. Idk what to do. Just venting. Hope things get better. I feel like everything is falling apart. 

 

Mes, did you have health anxiety before you went on psychiatric drugs? How about feeling worthless? How about worrying yourself into a wave of anxiety? Read

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms 

 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals


Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

As we've explained before, the lack of motivation is a side effect of the drugs. Have some respect for our unpaid time, please read the links we give you.

 

Yes, you are dependent on the benzos, but we need to get you stable with the benzo schedule before reducing them, or you'll be running off and getting more drugs for your benzo-induced symptoms.

 

You might tell your therapist and your wife that you'll make your own decisions about the drugs. If you can't make your own decisions, we can't help you.

 

6 minutes ago, MesXXI said:

@Gracee it been 20 years they have prescribed be this crap. In order for me to attempt a benzo detox or taper I need to feeel better and going back on AD’s to get comfortable is the only way I know to combat a benzo detox. I am a total wreck rite now. My main goal isn’t to get off all medication it’s to be able to make it work again. And it seemed like the 6 months off the ad’s I was safely able to reinstate again. I hope I can do this with the benzo’s down the road. I need my sanity back. For a little to get the strength to fight this benzo WD 

 

Your history of being drugged from a young age is tragic BUT please consider whether, deep down, you believe you need psychiatric drugs to function. If so, you will continually be working against yourself going off them. The post you just made is an example of this.

 

In order to go off psychiatric drugs, you need to un-patient yourself. Is this something you really want to do? This is your life, nobody else can make this decision for you.

 

PS You need to work with your therapist about developing autonomy, not complaining about how you've been victimized by psychiatric drugs.

 

4 hours ago, MesXXI said:

To @Shep and @Altostrata @eymen23  I spoke to my Psychiatrist today. We all can agree the benzos aren’t doing anything but making my situation worse. He said “my gaba system needs help”.  So instead of getting off the AD’d first, He wants to up my dose from 5mg to 10mg of the Prozac to stabilize me  bc I still feel horrible and start tapering the benzo after I’m comfortable. What I’m thinking is I can also have the insurance to cover and inpatient benzo detox. I don’t have to get off completely maybe get off half of my daily dose of benzos  if that  would help the situation or make it worse idk? What are your thoughts. I really put my trust into you guys and I’m looking for your support and knowledge ASAP. Thanks so much 

 

That is a terrible plan. You're doing much better on 5mg Prozac and a regular benzo schedule FOR ONLY 8 DAYS SO FAR.

 

What do you mean, you still feel horrible?

 

You may get kindled if you take more Prozac. You think you feel horrible now? It could get much worse.

 

We need to stabilize your benzo intake. This may mean more adjustments in your schedule. You will need to be patient and surf the rough spots. If you can't do that, we can't help you.

 

I hope you're getting the message: Unless you take responsibility for your own drug intake, we can't help you.

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MesXXI

@Altostrata I have read all the literature you have sent me many times. I was asking your opinion on what my psychiatrist suggested. Like I’ve said in post before I trust your judgment more than any dr or therapist. I’m sorry if I struck a nerve. I feel defeated and scared. 

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ChessieCat

Alto is not one to blow her own trumpet.

 

Altostrata is this site's founder, which was started in about 2011.  I suggest you check out her story.  As she tells members, if she didn't believe that people can heal she wouldn't keep running the site, which is free, is hard work and requires many volunteer hours to keep going.  She has done a lot of research, consulted with medical professionals and is familiar with the experiences of many members.

 

There is a link to a video at the top of Post #1.  ☼-about-altostrata-withdrawal-syndrome-since-2004

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Altostrata

I think your psychiatrist, like most, knows very little about tapering, withdrawal, or adverse drug reactions and wants you on a high enough dose of an antidepressant to stop your complaining.

 

You want to do benzo detox? They'll push you off the benzos in a couple of weeks and cross their fingers you don't get withdrawal symptoms. If you do, you'll likely end up with a prescription for an antipsychotic such as Seroquel, which is a drug class that causes real movement disorders. Then, for your twitching, they'll prescribe a second drug with it's own side effects that may or may not work.

 

Please make your own decisions and come back if you decide you want to taper slowly without additional drugs.

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MesXXI

@Altostrata I apologize, I didn’t get any sleep last night and  was having a weak moment. I’m going to do everything you tell me in order to get better. How do I go forward and stable my benzos (how to make more adjustments)? I want to be a success story! 

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Altostrata
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Where are you in your taper off cigarettes? Personally, I think this is a good thing, but you must be prepared for some bumps because, as @Shep pointed out, there are withdrawal effects from going off nicotine.

 

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

You are having typical withdrawal insomnia. As explained in

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing cortisol spikes

 

wearing a sleep mask can help, as can darkening the bedroom with blackout curtains and shades. If you are serious about wanting better sleep, try a sleep mask.

 

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

What do you mean, you still feel horrible?

 

Please keep daily notes on paper with times of day for when you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms. You can post them in this topic with a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right. Post your notes here in your Intro topic.

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MesXXI
14 minutes ago, Altostrata said:
  2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Where are you in your taper off cigarettes? Personally, I think this is a good thing, but you must be prepared for some bumps because, as @Shep pointed out, there are withdrawal effects from going off nicotine.

To took @Shep advice  and I’m still smoking 2-3 cigarettes a day. My benzo regiment had been exactly the same since I was told to be on a strict time schedule. 

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ChessieCat
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Please keep daily notes on paper with times of day for when you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms. You can post them in this topic with a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right. Post your notes here in your Intro topic.

 

An example:

 

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

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