A14n: fear/terror feeling sertraline and mirtazapine cold turkey

[A14n]

11 minutes ago, eymen23 said:

 

A14n,

 

Anxiety is a very common withdrawal symptom. Unfortunately once the nervous system becomes destabilised, we can begin to feel extremely scared and anxious without any known cause. We can also become more triggered by external events which would normally be unchallenging. 

 

I know that your current taper has been relatively slow, but unfortunately it sounds like after the two cold turkeys, you’ve become destabilised and are still experiencing withdrawal type symptoms. 

 

Are you having any windows at all? Any signs of worsening or improvement at all? 

I know I have already asked similar questions, but I think this is important to really consider. I know when you feel bad most of the time, it all begins to blur together into ‘I always feel awful’, but any extra insight would be helpful.

In the evening I feel slightly more at ease if you can call that a window?.

 

I sleep ok. When I wake up I am ok for a few minutes and then BOOM I'm freaking out don't even feel safe in my own bed what is that about? It's as if someone is holding a gun to my head throughout the day awful feeling unbearable but have to endure it. My limbs feel like they have electricity running through them. I can't get any enjoyment out of life only suffer and try to survive. 

[eymen23]

Hi A14n,

 

Yes, I understand the symptoms well and I truly do empathise. That is a classic sign of an overactive fight or flight system. It is incredibly draining and difficult to live with on a daily basis. As hard as it is, please rest assured that it is a common symptom pattern once the nervous system becomes destabilised by withdrawal. 

 

Many people with withdrawal syndrome report feeling their worst in the morning. Not always, but it is common. Cortisol is (usually) highest in the morning and lowest at night, so hyperarousal type symptoms are often worse in the morning and trickle off a little by night. 

 

Are there any days that you have less intense symptoms or where the symptoms drop off entirely? I think it would be sensible to keep notes of your symptoms across the next few days, so we can get a clearer view of the symptom pattern. I will post the suggested format shortly. 

[eymen23]

Here is the suggested format. Please keep notes which include the timing or symptoms, drugs and dosage, meals and sleep patterns. 

 

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

[Dejavu]

A14n, I suffer from the same morning anxiety. Mine went away during my one and only window so far. Now that I'm back in a wave, it has returned, but noticeably less intense. I hope that gives you some reassurance that (1) it is a common withdrawal symtom as eyemen23 has told you; and (2) that symptoms will slowly abate with time. Please make sure to fully answer all the mods' questions. They've seen many, many cases and they can help you.

 

Sending healing energy to you. Breathe!

[A14n]

10 hours ago, eymen23 said:

Hi A14n,

 

Yes, I understand the symptoms well and I truly do empathise. That is a classic sign of an overactive fight or flight system. It is incredibly draining and difficult to live with on a daily basis. As hard as it is, please rest assured that it is a common symptom pattern once the nervous system becomes destabilised by withdrawal. 

 

Many people with withdrawal syndrome report feeling their worst in the morning. Not always, but it is common. Cortisol is (usually) highest in the morning and lowest at night, so hyperarousal type symptoms are often worse in the morning and trickle off a little by night. 

 

Are there any days that you have less intense symptoms or where the symptoms drop off entirely? I think it would be sensible to keep notes of your symptoms across the next few days, so we can get a clearer view of the symptom pattern. I will post the suggested format shortly. 

Thank you, I will start taking notes. I've been in one continuous wave for so long it's hard to say if I ever felt any better. Today I woke up without the terror feeling, but quite anxious of it coming back. So I guess that is a positive. It usually hits me full force not long after I wake up but didn't happen today. Glad I'm writing it here so I can look back on it if I get way worse again. Thank you everyone so glad I found this site

[A14n]

10 hours ago, Dejavu said:

A14n, I suffer from the same morning anxiety. Mine went away during my one and only window so far. Now that I'm back in a wave, it has returned, but noticeably less intense. I hope that gives you some reassurance that (1) it is a common withdrawal symtom as eyemen23 has told you; and (2) that symptoms will slowly abate with time. Please make sure to fully answer all the mods' questions. They've seen many, many cases and they can help you.

 

Sending healing energy to you. Breathe!

Hi dejavu, I actually woke up not feeling terrorised today which is a first for a long time. But still anxious that it will happen. But I have a bit of hope. How are you feeling in your current wave? I hope you can get some respite from it very soon. This too shall pass. When in a wave it feels never ending but it will it has to 

[A14n]

8am woke up, eyes still closed. Random thoughts going through head, like I'm still dreaming?

11am thinking about getting up, random thoughts becoming less, fear level not too bad hoping it stays that way.

11:20am heart racing

12pm stomach ache

12:38 loose bowel movements

12:45pm having a cup of tea, the terror feeling is no where as bad today, feeling slightly hopeful

1:49pm ate an apple

2:15pm took sertraline 

2:20pm hands and feet freezing

2:30pm ate a pizza 

3pm stomach ache 

3:10pm cup of tea

3:15pm get ready for work(heart racing) feel a little tired not too anxious 

4pm start work

7:20pm tired, little anxious 

7:30pm slightly nauseated feeling

9:30pm, left off work derealisation quite bad, head feels a little numb

10pm bicycled back home from work, tired anxiety quite low

10:20pm had a bite to eat. made cup of tea, trying to relax and watch some tv

12:25am in bed feels like today was a better day
 

[eymen23]

Hi A14n,

 

I’m glad today was a better day. Let’s hope you have more of those going forward.

 

Thank you for providing notes. What we often find is that notes provide a more honest and objective view of symptoms. When we feel bad, we get stuck into thinking we have always felt bad, and will always feel bad. By keeping notes and having evidence of better periods, we can hopefully pick up on symptom patterns over time. 

[A14n]

11 hours ago, eymen23 said:

Hi A14n,

 

I’m glad today was a better day. Let’s hope you have more of those going forward.

 

Thank you for providing notes. What we often find is that notes provide a more honest and objective view of symptoms. When we feel bad, we get stuck into thinking we have always felt bad, and will always feel bad. By keeping notes and having evidence of better periods, we can hopefully pick up on symptom patterns over time. 

I will try and keep notes now. Today I feel more anxious thought I was turning a corner yesterday. At work yesterday I had quite a few sugary sweets and last night ate some fish sticks think they had Msg in them wonder if thats made me worse 

[A14n]

Don't understand why I feel so bad again, my hearts pounding, I feel so scared and depressed nothing feels real so detached what's going on

[ChessieCat]

9 hours ago, A14n said:

last night ate some fish sticks think they had Msg

 

MSG is a neurotoxin / excitotoxin which tricks the brain into thinking food has more flavour than it does.

 

msg-food-what-to-eat-what-not-to-eat

 

chinese-food-and-msg

 

7 hours ago, A14n said:

Don't understand why I feel so bad again,

 

If the fish sticks had MSG, that may be why you feel bad again.

[A14n]

54 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

MSG is a neurotoxin / excitotoxin which tricks the brain into thinking food has more flavour than it does.

 

msg-food-what-to-eat-what-not-to-eat

 

chinese-food-and-msg

 

 

If the fish sticks had MSG, that may be why you feel bad again.

What other effects does MSG have on the CNS? It feels like I have a chemical terror attack going on inside my brain. I find it unbearable but I want to feel normal again. I can't imagine anything worse than this feeling 

[ChessieCat]

The worst thing you can do is panic.  That is only going to add additional stress and cause more reactions in your body.

 

If what you are experiencing is completely new then that it could well be that you have ingested MSG and because of withdrawal your nervous system may be more sensitive which is why you might be noticing the reaction/s from the MSG.  It might take a few days for things to settle down, assuming that it is caused by the MSG.

 

I think it would be better not to research further but to accept that you have/may have eaten MSG and that is what is causing the symptoms you are currently getting.

 

Edited March 19, 2019 by ChessieCat
added missing word - completely "new"

[ChessieCat]

And of course, don't eat any more MSG.

[A14n]

10am woke up, feeling anxious

11:30am up and dressed dpdr bad, depressed quite fearful

11:45am cup of tea

1:00pm trying to stay grounded, confusion bad

1:15pm getting chills throughout my body 

1:20pm ate some fruit

2:05pm loose bowel movement

2:10pm feeling scared and depressed 

2:25pm took sertraline 

3pm ate scrambled egg on toast

3:25pm feel total despair 

4:00pm at work, feel dread and this horrific dark feeling 

6:00pm anxiety is so extreme 

6:20 zoning out (dissociation? ) 

7:00pm ate dinner

8:15pm feel very tired

9:38pm electric feeling in limbs, feel fear 

10:30pm home from work, head feels numb and fear feels pretty high

11:00pm unable to focus, zoned out. Nothing makes sense, confusion 

11:30pm afraid to go to bed incase tomorrow is also unbearable 

12:00am watching TV can't concentrate on it

12:05am random muscle twitching in left arm

12:40am ate some cereal bran flakes

1:20am in bed anxious about tomorrow 

 

[A14n]

Do we eventually stabilise if keeping on the same dose long enough? I wish I could just feel ok, the pounding heart conscious of every beat, don't feel connected to reality at all, no appetite or libedo no emotions feel completely dead inside apart from high anxiety it's a nightmare my memories are fading away, can't think it's like an awful reality so dark and terrorfying 

[ChessieCat]

Please see this post where you said you felt like you had a better day.  That was only last Saturday.

[A14n]

12 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Please see this post where you said you felt like you had a better day.  That was only last Saturday.

It's hard to even remember feeling any better when I'm like this. I have alot going on as moving house, during withdrawal is extra tough, plus having to work. I still get these waves of terror for no reason and feeling disconnected from everything its the worst thing I can imagine 

[A14n]

@Altostrata don't know if you have seen my posts, just wondering if you have any idea what's going on with me? The fear, and confusion and feeling disconnected from reality, no appetite is really getting to me

[VincentV]

1 hour ago, A14n said:

@Altostrata don't know if you have seen my posts, just wondering if you have any idea what's going on with me? The fear, and confusion and feeling disconnected from reality, no appetite is really getting to me

 

Do you find your emotions/symptoms cycle through a kind of pattern? Some days you feel more disconnected and other days you feel more anxious or confused?

 

 

[Altostrata]

On 3/9/2019 at 5:49 AM, A14n said:

Thanks @ChessieCat

Will I ever get better I keep losing hope, being on antidepressants since 2011 and stopping cold turkey last year I feel has done so much damage, I'd cry if I could. I had sertraline 50mg reinstated last July after 3 months ct from sertraline and mirtazapine that I took for 3 weeks. I feel so detached out of body and extreme fear that seems to just get worse. I been tapering off sertraline since October last year. Down to 32.1mg. Just want these feelings to stop, feel like I'm dying I'm so weak

 

On 3/14/2019 at 6:39 PM, A14n said:

I think it was October I dropped dosage from 50mg to 45mg my first drop. Then 42.8mg November. 40.6mg 2/12/18... 38.6mg 14/12/18. 36.7mg 25/12/18. 34.8mg 18/1/19.... Then I tried 2% taper. 34.1mg 22/2/19.... On 03/03/19 I skipped 33.4mg and 32.8mg and went to 32.1mg which is where I am at now. My taper has been pretty random, is that causing issues? Am I going way too fast with the drops? 

 

A1, when you reinstated 50mg Zoloft in July 2018, did you feel better? Why did you decide to taper it in October? Did you feel better or worse when you reduced in October? How about November?

 

Please stop changing your drug dosing for the time being. Take 32.1mg Zoloft at the same time each day.

[A14n]

6 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

 

A1, when you reinstated 50mg Zoloft in July 2018, did you feel better? Why did you decide to taper it in October? Did you feel better or worse when you reduced in October? How about November?

 

Please stop changing your drug dosing for the time being. Take 32.1mg Zoloft at the same time each day.

@AltostrataI started tapering because I felt no better, i just feel so confused and I'm conscious of my heart beating 24/7,and constant waves of fear. Reality doesn't feel real I have no sense of comfort only scared all the time. It's like non stop adrenaline also getting heart beats that skip. I don't get hungry or thirsty have to force myself to eat and drink

[A14n]

18 hours ago, VincentV said:

 

Do you find your emotions/symptoms cycle through a kind of pattern? Some days you feel more disconnected and other days you feel more anxious or confused?

 

 

It's pretty much the same all the time, paralysed with fear thinking something bad is about to happen. Feel very confused about everything 

[A14n]

Another thing I find myself zoning out just staring blankly very hard to snap out of and focus

[Altostrata]

When you reinstated 50mg Zoloft last July, how did your symptoms change?

 

After you take Zoloft at about 2 p.m., do you feel any different? Do you take it at that time every day? Why 2 p.m.?

[A14n]

7 hours ago, Altostrata said:

When you reinstated 50mg Zoloft last July, how did your symptoms change?

 

After you take Zoloft at about 2 p.m., do you feel any different? Do you take it at that time every day? Why 2 p.m.?

I don't feel any better when I take it, maybe worse. I feel so restless can't relax maybe the dose is way too high still? After reinstating so high after 3 months cold turkey. Every day is hell don't know what to do. Take it 2pm every day as I work late not sure how I still work to be honest 

[A14n]

I have a bad stomach diarrhea every day, feel like im being poisoned by the sertraline 

[Vonnegutjunky]

Reading your post A1 and I have the same exact terror feelings as you. 

Today they were reduced. I just want you to know your not alone. These feelings made me feel psychotic. My brain wouldn’t work right and I am having strange thoughts and bizarre feelings, but I am still here. Hang on and hopefully soon yours will lessen a bit too. 

[A14n]

2 hours ago, Vonnegutjunky said:

Reading your post A1 and I have the same exact terror feelings as you. 

Today they were reduced. I just want you to know your not alone. These feelings made me feel psychotic. My brain wouldn’t work right and I am having strange thoughts and bizarre feelings, but I am still here. Hang on and hopefully soon yours will lessen a bit too. 

Hi vonne, 

 

Thank you for replying, I hope it eases off soon. We aren't psychotic. I get weird thoughts also and my memory is poor. Does the terror feeling ease up for you? Is it less at certain times of the day? I read that it's common in benzo withdrawal but I've never taken those. Take it easy

[Vonnegutjunky]

3 hours ago, A14n said:

Hi vonne, 

 

Thank you for replying, I hope it eases off soon. We aren't psychotic. I get weird thoughts also and my memory is poor. Does the terror feeling ease up for you? Is it less at certain times of the day? I read that it's common in benzo withdrawal but I've never taken those. Take it easy

For me its doesn't lessen during certain times of the day. It seems to go away very  slowly  for days and then return out of the blue so yes it does alleviate and come back I am grateful so grateful for that. 

I have never used benzos before either, just paxil. 

 

Please keep updating with your progress. And I hope you can write a good post soon enough.

[A14n]

Hi I am still feeling very much the same on the 18th of March the Dr swapped me to citalopram 10mg. But I feel no difference feel fear non stop pretty much for the past year or so. Was also given diazepam 2mg afraid to take it though. Not sure where to turn to be honest. Will this ever get better? 

[Vonnegutjunky]

It does get better, I used my benzo with success when things got to be too much. But everyone is different. 

[A14n]

It happens every morning soon as I wake up without fail. Its always too much but there's nothing I can do about it

[A14n]

Will taking 2mg diazepam help relax me? Been afraid to try. Not that I can feel much worse than I do already. 

I keep getting this goosebumps feeling come over my head randomly what's that about? 

[Maca44]

All Diazepam will do is mask the feelings, I would have thought that avoiding it if you can would be wise.

[A14n]

Ugh bad day, feel terrorfied of everything. It doesn't make sense to me, I have fear that just attaches itself to anything and everything. Scared to look out of the window, door bell went... Postman thought I was going to have a heart attack then the phone rang. Why am I living in fear all the time? Had it since the Dr cold turkey me off sertraline and put me on mirtazapine which I took for 3 weeks. Then took nothing for 3 months. Then Dr reinstated the sertraline which I'm sure made things worse. I tapered down to 25mg over several months but felt worse now got swapped to citalopram 10mg about 4 weeks ago. It's not helping at all. Not sure where to go from here? Do I carry on taking the citalopram I'm not sure nothing seems to help ugh