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puthappinessfirst: starting the fight


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puthappinessfirst

Thank you @Carmie! ❤️ 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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puthappinessfirst

I do have a question...

 

Lately I have been very dizzy, like when you miss a dose of meds, but I have not tapered or missed a dose. Is this common? Maybe I am metabolizing very fast? But celexa has a long half life, so, not sure...

 

I have been trying to keep blood sugar level and making sure I am breathing. It makes me a little anxious to feel this dizzy when I haven't even started a taper yet. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Puthappinessfirst, , 

 

Yes, dizziness is actually a side effect of lexapro, not just withdrawals. Anything that affects your CNS can make you dizzy. I have an illness that affects my CNS and I’m always dizzy. Sometimes I can’t even sit up straight in a chair for very long. When I’m out and about with friends I have to sit down all the time, I’m always sitting in the floor. 😃

 

What is your blood pressure like? Mine is really low. 

 

Take care.💚

Been on antipsychotics, benzos, antidepressants and painkillers for chronic pain. 

Been cold turkeyed and put on and off all sorts of things. Was suicidal n ended up in a psych ward because I had akathisia from withdrawals. Can’t remember what I was put on but when I was released was in the same predicament with severe akathisia n was suicidal again.

Back to the ward and was given different meds. Tapered off one and have been trying to taper off Seroquel since. It’s been many, many years of tapering so far.

I’ve  tapered from 300mg of Seroquel to 7.5mg./ March 10 2019=7.25mg / 17th of April=7 mg / June 5th=6.75mg/ July 14th=6.50mg/ August 28=6.25mg/ 10th of Oct= 6.20mg/ October 21=6mg/ December 16=5.80mg/.   January 21 2020=5.60mg/April 2=5.40g/ May 29=5.20mg/ August 14= 5mg/ September 29=4.80mg/ Jan 31, 2021=4.60 mg/

 

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. These are my own views based on what I’ve experienced myself.

 

 

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puthappinessfirst

Thanks @Carmie

 

My issue right now is... 

I am not getting ANY benefit from my Celexa. I feel like it is all side effects. It doesn't dampen my anxiety, anything. I take 10mg every evening. 

 

It's so hard fighting the temptation to jump off of them completely. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi PHF, 

 

Yes, these meds actually cause a lot of problems and side effects, but going off them cold turkey will cause even more problems.  You’ve made some major changes with your meds in the past, cold turkeying etc,  your body is still trying to stabilise. It can take quite a while, but it will eventually stabilise. I’ve been on and off so many medications in the past, before I knew about medications and tapering, that my system is really sensitised now. I’ve been cold turkeyed off things too.This horrendous journey for me started because of chronic pain.

 

If you cold turkey your meds you might end up in bad waves for years. There are many stories on here, and elsewhere, where people have cold turkeyed and are still suffering years later. It took Alto eight years to recover. Please don’t cold turkey. 

 

When I’m going through waves I find the best thing to do is to use distractions, arts and crafts, creative projects, listening to music, watching Netflix and DVDs, going out in nature etc. It doesn’t get rid of the symptoms, but it helps me cope with them. Focusing and stressing about our symptoms can ramp them up even more, and doesn’t change anything. We can’t change that we are on the meds, we just have to find some coping skills to help us to keep going. It is the hardest journey we will ever take in our lives, but we will get there in the end. One day this rollercoaster ride will end.🎢🎢🎢

 

Take care💚

 

 

 

Been on antipsychotics, benzos, antidepressants and painkillers for chronic pain. 

Been cold turkeyed and put on and off all sorts of things. Was suicidal n ended up in a psych ward because I had akathisia from withdrawals. Can’t remember what I was put on but when I was released was in the same predicament with severe akathisia n was suicidal again.

Back to the ward and was given different meds. Tapered off one and have been trying to taper off Seroquel since. It’s been many, many years of tapering so far.

I’ve  tapered from 300mg of Seroquel to 7.5mg./ March 10 2019=7.25mg / 17th of April=7 mg / June 5th=6.75mg/ July 14th=6.50mg/ August 28=6.25mg/ 10th of Oct= 6.20mg/ October 21=6mg/ December 16=5.80mg/.   January 21 2020=5.60mg/April 2=5.40g/ May 29=5.20mg/ August 14= 5mg/ September 29=4.80mg/ Jan 31, 2021=4.60 mg/

 

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. These are my own views based on what I’ve experienced myself.

 

 

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puthappinessfirst

@Carmie 

 

Thank you,

 

You're always so positive. I need to reframe my thoughts more positively, but I just got an appointment with a therapist that sounds great (practices CBT and ACT), so I will be getting help in that department soon.

I often try to remind myself that I have amazingly supportive family and friends. That I haven't had a polydrug situation. That I did CT once and found these types of forums at a good time, before getting in too deep. 

 

I am also so awful at going down the bad thought rabbit hole. This is another thing I need great help with, radical self acceptance! Especially because it can be so damn depressing putting a med in your mouth that you know isn't doing you any good. 

 

Anyway, thank you again! You're so helpful. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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  • Moderator Emeritus
8 hours ago, puthappinessfirst said:

It doesn't dampen my anxiety, anything. I take 10mg every evening. 

 

Do you notice any reduction in the anxiety (not necessarily completely gone just lessened) at any time during the day?

 

Have you always taken it in the evening?

 

You took Celexa from 2007.  Did you have anxiety whilst you were on it before you changed to Lexapro?

 

Was your anxiety different/reduced whilst you were taking Lexapro?

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 6 Feb 2021:  Pristiq 0.365 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Lexapro: December 2018 to January 2019, 10mg

 

Please add the dates to your drug signature that you started and stopped Lexapro.  If you can't remember the date use early, mid, late.  Thank you.

 

Celexa: 2007 to CURRENT DAY, 10mg

(Cold turkey-d in July 2018, restarted January 2019)

 

Please add the date you restarted Celexa, too.

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 6 Feb 2021:  Pristiq 0.365 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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puthappinessfirst
30 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Do you notice any reduction in the anxiety (not necessarily completely gone just lessened) at any time during the day?

 

Have you always taken it in the evening?

 

You took Celexa from 2007.  Did you have anxiety whilst you were on it before you changed to Lexapro?

 

Was your anxiety different/reduced whilst you were taking Lexapro?

 

It can lessen in the afternoon/evening. I'd say it's still at a steady baseline though, even when it lessens. Mornings are the worst, but I know cortisol plays in there.

 

Yes, always in the evening as far back as I can remember.

 

I actually fared pretty well (mood wise) for all those years. I definitely still had anxious moments and mannerisms. Was a bit irritable. I definitely slept too much. But I enjoyed my life. Was not depressed. Certainly was not at the level of anxiety I am at now.

 

Lexapro was awful. It was too stimulating, made my anxiety WORSE, and on top of that, triggered akathisia. I should have jumped off of that horrible med after a week, but gave it 5 to "kick in". Pffft.

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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puthappinessfirst

@ChessieCat added a bit more detail to my sig.

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Lexapro: December 2018 to January 2019

 

Please add dates to the Lexapro information.

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 6 Feb 2021:  Pristiq 0.365 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
puthappinessfirst

@ChessieCat done.

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you for the additional information.  I've asked the other mods for their thoughts.

 

Have you been keeping daily symptom notes on paper recently?  If yes, please post them here in your topic.

 

If not, please keep notes for the next 3 days.

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 6 Feb 2021:  Pristiq 0.365 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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puthappinessfirst

Thanks, I appreciate that @ChessieCat

 

I will keep notes over the next few days. I keep a journal and track my mood, but I think something more detailed and comprehensive might help more. So I'll do that for the next few days.

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Example:

 

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 6 Feb 2021:  Pristiq 0.365 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
20 hours ago, puthappinessfirst said:

Lexapro was awful. It was too stimulating, made my anxiety WORSE, and on top of that, triggered akathisia. I should have jumped off of that horrible med after a week, but gave it 5 to "kick in". Pffft.

 

PHF,

 

I’m sorry to hear how much you’ve been struggling with the cold turkey and subsequent Lexapro to Celaxa reinstatement. 

 

I’m guessing that the Celaxa cold turkey caused your nervous system to become sensitised to these drugs, and then once you started 10mg of Lexapro, it really overwhelmed your system. Not every doctor is aware, but the active (serotonin reuptake inhibitor) component of Celaxa is identical to Lexapro. In fact, on a mg to mg basis, Lexapro is at least 2 times stronger than Celaxa. 

 

So if you were already sensitised following the cold turkey and then you started a dose of Lexapro approximately 2-3 times more potent (at inhibiting serotonin reuptake), that could certainly account for a lot of what’s going on right now.

 

Hopefully now you are on the less potent 10mg of Celexa you originally took, things will settle down over time. As Carmie noted, cold turkeying is appealing once we believe the drugs are harming us, but unfortunately symptoms really can get worse. We’ve seen this happen to members here who believed a drug was causing their symptoms, only to find it got worse once they stopped it abruptly.

 

Please keep notes in the format Chessie provided, and one of the other mods should be able to help you with next steps. 

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I can only provide information and make suggestions.

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puthappinessfirst

4am wake up, put on hypnosis video on youtube yo fall back asleep
640am wake up, stay awake, anxious upon wake
640 to 1020am lay in bed watching tv to calm nerves
1020am take a shower
1030ish get ready, put on clothes and pack an overnight bag
11am drive to nearby town to my moms house
12pm arrive at moms house, sit and watch tv, feeling anxious, mild akathisia (inner restlessness, squirmy feeling in spine)
1pm lunch
1pm to 6pm watch movies with mom
640pm dinner
7pm more hanging out on couch with mom
830pm take celexa
10pm put on meditation video on youtube and go to bed

All throughout the day... moments of dp/dr, bursts of anxiety/adrenaline, hypervigilance, light sensitivity, cog fog, shifts in vision/floaters

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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puthappinessfirst

Oh and I also get muscle twitching/ some jerkiness throughout the day. Very annoying. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
puthappinessfirst

@eymen23

 

Yes,  I found out about the strength of Lex AFTER the fact, uggghh. I would never wish that on my worst enemy. Thanks Doc, from taking me to 10mg to probably about 30mg. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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puthappinessfirst

647am wake up in a panic, go back to sleep
8am wake up and lay in bed with anxiety
Feel very shakey/weak upon wake
930am take a shower
10am ish breakfast
1010am drive with mom to take our dog to my dad's house nearby
1020am go to grocery store with mom... feel very anxious and jumpy. The world seems so big and intimidating. Feeling kind of agoraphobic
1145am get home and watch tv
209pm head out for lunch with family, a bit anxious, chills up and down spine, feeling a bit better as we sit and eat
345pm get home from lunch
4pm take a short walk, feel ok, still slightly fearful
415pm drive with mom to pick up our dog
430pm come home and relax, watch movies with mom, feel a bit wound up but more calm than the morning
830pm celexa
10pm bed, up tossing until 11ish

 

All  throughout the day... moments of dp/dr, bursts of anxiety/adrenaline, hypervigilance, light sensitivity, cog fog, shifts in vision/floaters, on high alert all day which is very uncomfortable

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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puthappinessfirst

4am wake up, go back to sleep, light sleep 

610am wake up, shower, feel tired

620am get dressed and have breakfast

7am drove to work

805am arrive at work

12pm lunch, walk to nearby park to eat, try to enjoy the sun

1pm back to work, close to panic attack 

5pm leave work

515pm get home, change clothes

520pm drive to walking trail

530pm met with friend to start walk, moments of dr/dp, scared a bit

610pm end walk, drive home, verge of panic attack 

620pm get home, change into pjs and watch tv until bed time, try to relax, but battling with "will this ever end" type thoughts

9pm take celexa

10pm try to sleep

11pm fall asleep

 

 

All  throughout the day... moments of dp/dr, bursts of anxiety/adrenaline, hypervigilance, light sensitivity, cog fog, shifts in vision/floaters, on high alert all day which is very uncomfortable, can't concentrate at work, just so wound up and scared , felt very fidgety at work

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
puthappinessfirst

Another thing I have noticed is that whenever I try to put my front teeth together (but not all the way, try to leave a tiny gap) my teeth chatter like I am cold. It is annoying and freaks me out. Never had this before, sigh. Also, this whole crash/adverse reaction/trying to stabilize business has brought my anxiety/obsessive intrusive thoughts out to an abnormal level. It is so bad. And I was never depressed before my med crash. Only anxious. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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  • Moderator Emeritus
54 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

Also, this whole crash/adverse reaction/trying to stabilize business has brought my anxiety/obsessive intrusive thoughts out to an abnormal level. It is so bad. And I was never depressed before my med crash. Only anxious. 

 

PHF,

 

Well done on providing detailed notes. Please try to take the Celaxa at the same time every day. 30 minutes here or there shouldn’t make too much impact, but I thought I’d mention that. 

 

It’s common to feel worse after a med crash than you ever did prior to starting meds. This is often due to the difficult symptoms that come with a destabilised nervous system, but also the secondary fear and hopelessness that we naturally add, when faced with such a challenging situation. I remember when I was about 5 - 6 weeks into taking Escitalopram and experiencing an adverse reaction, Alto told me it was too late to try and fast taper. I felt very hopeless and fed up for a few days. It was a real shock to learn that our bodies can become so dependent on these drugs, and that drug/dosage changes can be so harmful. 

 

Please try your best to accept the situation you’re in and be grateful that you are not currently being prescribed different drugs and dosages to try and ‘fix this’ or ‘get your anxiety disorder under control’. Alto calls this the drug merry-go-round. 

 

From your notes, I can see you are sleeping reasonably well and that you are experiencing a ‘coming and going’ of anxiety/feeling hyper stimulated throughout the day. The symptoms are probably still present for enough of the day, that they feel never-ending and like you aren’t getting respite. I can relate, I had several weeks of feeling anxious and on edge most of the day, and it becomes hard to live with, even if the intensity isn’t a 10/10. You are getting minor breaks or drop-offs in intensity, and hopefully that will begin to turn into longer breaks and periods without symptoms. 

Edited by eymen23

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I can only provide information and make suggestions.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

PHF, I'm right where you are. "Tapered" 50 mg zoloft over 3-4 weeks. Withdrawal hit 1 month later. Pdoc said it was return of anxiety and put me on Lexapro 5mg. I took it for a week and got worse, so I reinstated 25 mg of zoloft. That was 4 months ago. I was starting to stabilize but had to start a steroid eye drop 2 weeks ago. Now I'm right back where I started. I can certainly relate to the dizziness. It's one of my worst physical symptoms. I also understand about the anxiety and intrusive thoughts. You are not alone. It will get better, though. Hang tough!

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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puthappinessfirst

@Dejavu

 

Thank you for stopping by! Yeah, it's all horrible, isn't it! I think the worst thing is the DR/DP and the HYPERVIGILANCE. I notice every sound, shadow, movement, and it all makes me incredibly anxious. The world seems so big and scary and unforgiving right now. How does the ashwghanda and theanine work for you, any help? I have both but haven't taken them as I am so nervous about everything right now. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
puthappinessfirst
22 minutes ago, eymen23 said:

 

PHF,

 

Well done on providing detailed notes. Please try to take the Celaxa at the same time every day. 30 minutes here or there shouldn’t make too much impact, but I thought I’d mention that. 

 

It’s common to feel worse after a med crash than you ever did prior to starting meds. This is often due to the difficult symptoms that come with a destabilised nervous system, but also the secondary fear and hopelessness that we naturally add, when faced with such a challenging situation. I remember when I was about 5 - 6 weeks into taking Escitalopram and experiencing an adverse reaction, Alto told me it was too late to try and fast taper. I felt very hopeless and fed up for a few days. It was a real shock to learn that our bodies can become so dependent on these drugs, and that drug/dosage changes can be so harmful. 

 

Please try your best to accept the situation you’re in and be grateful that you are not currently being prescribed different drugs and dosages to try and ‘fix this’ or ‘get your anxiety disorder under control’. Alto calls this the drug merry-go-round. 

 

From your notes, I can see you are sleeping reasonably well and that you are experiencing a ‘coming and going’ of anxiety/feeling hyper stimulated throughout the day. The symptoms are probably still present for enough of the day, that they feel never-ending and like you aren’t getting respite. I can relate, I had several weeks of feeling anxious and on edge most of the day, and it becomes hard to live with, even if the intensity isn’t a 10/10. You are getting minor breaks or drop-offs in intensity, and hopefully that will begin to turn into longer breaks and periods without symptoms. 

 

Yes, thank you for the reminder about time. I am pretty spot-on, a few mins here and there are usually my cushion, but 830 to 9pm for meds is always my time.

 

Lexapro is the worst thing I have ever consumed, that med is pure poison, I feel! I knew I wasn't feeling good on it, but at the time the only advice I had was the whole "it takes a few weeks to kick in". So that's why I stuck with it for the month or so. I actually believe it gave me mild serotonin syndrome as well, because I woke up with huge pupils, had twitching and hypnic jerks, and confusion throughout the day. 

 

I found this site and another before I had a follow-up with the local psych nurse, so I knew she'd try to start me on more meds/add more meds and I wasn't having it. She tried to up my dose of Celexa and add either remeron or gabapentin. I humored her and let her call in the gabapentin but threw it in the trash. I did not accept the Celexa updose either. She was very pushy and also repeated that a month long taper was sufficient for psych meds and believed my anxiety was rearing its ugly head. 

 

My sleep has improved sightly. A month ago I would wake 2-3 times a night. Now it is more like 1-2, sometimes none. I do still wake with fear/panic/cortisol and it is truly awful to start every day like that. The anxiety is actually quite persistent throughout the day, its just whether I can control the panic attacks or not. I constantly feel like I am about to be pushed off a cliff. The hypervigilance is the worst because I notice every sound, movement, shadow, person and it freaks me out. I hope not to offend anyone, but a big ocd/anxiety trigger for me is developing a more advanced mental illness like schizophrenia. That's why all of this feels so awful. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

@puthappinessfirst, yes, the whole experience is awful. Today, I'm struggling with dizziness and PGAD. Ive only had slight PGAD symptoms a couple of months ago and they went away quickly, but now it appears the steroids have brought it back full force. 

 

I take a supplement combo of l-theanine, ashwagandha and magnolia bark called Cortisol Manager. Its manufactured by Integrative Therapies which is a very reputable company. It works very well for me. I know combination supplements aren't recommended here on SA, and the reasons for that are very sound. All I can say is that this combination works wonders for me. I take one in the morning and one at bedtime. Sometimes if anxiety is high I'll take a third pill in the late afternoon/early evening. I've also taken l-theanine alone and it is effective for me too.  @ChessieCat made an excellent suggestion that I try each supplement contained in the Cortisol Manager separately first to check for adverse reactions. I had already started the Cortisol Manager by that time, but maybe that's something you could do.

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

Link to post
puthappinessfirst

@Dejavu

 

I have the supplements separately so I could try that slowly. Maybe the theanine. I was slightly nervous about the ashwaghanda because it raises serotonin, and I didn't want to rock the boat. But, I know that theanine works on our receptors as well, since it helps to calm. I have 200mg pills for the theanine, so might try half of one. I don't remember what the ashwaghanda dosage I have is. I am glad to hear they are helping you! I drink loads of chamomile and peppermint tea and even if they don't do anything, I find them a tad calming. 

 

Hopefully your PGAD fades away, that sounds so uncomfortable. I don't think I have ever dealt with that. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
puthappinessfirst

540am wake up, lay in bed

7am get up to shower for work, get dressed for work

8am arrive at work, make a cup of chamomile tea 

12pm lunch, have a salad in breakroom

1pm back to work

5pm leave work

515pm arrive at therapy

630pm end therapy, drive to mcdonalds

7pm get home, eat mcdonalds, watch movies/tv

835pm take celexa

950pm put on hypnosis video

10pmish fall asleep

 

I had some bad dizzyness/almost vertigo today. Hit me out of nowhere and I had to sit and close my eyes for a minute. Also kept getting very flushed/warm throughout the day and it was evident by my cheeks. My mood felt more stable, still a steady level of anxiety/hypervigilance, but maybe a 6/10 instead of a 8/10. Definitely still dealing with steady cog fog. Going to my therapist definitely helps. Just wondering if I can start my taper at the end of this month. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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  • Moderator Emeritus
45 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

 My mood felt more stable, still a steady level of anxiety/hypervigilance, but maybe a 6/10 instead of a 8/10. Definitely still dealing with steady cog fog. Going to my therapist definitely helps. Just wondering if I can start my taper at the end of this month. 

 

PHF,

 

Before you start tapering, we would recommend you wait until you stabilise. It’s true that you will probably still have some symptoms even after holding for several weeks or months, but you should achieve what we call ‘withdrawal normal’ before you start tapering. 

 

Tapering before you are stable is is never a good idea. Sometimes a drug is causing such a severe adverse reaction, that we won’t stabilise further, but I’m doubtful that’s the case here. The fact you’re experiencing a reduction in the intensity of your hypervigilence and are experiencing an improvement mood, are evidence that you will stabilise in time and that you’re yet to get there. 

 

Please try to remember that you once took 10mg of Celexa without these issues. It is the recent changes that have caused your current symptoms, rather than the drug and the dose per se. Perhaps read through the link below on ‘withdrawal normal’, to understand what we mean by this term and why we’d suggest you wait before tapering.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/3458-☼-brassmonkey-talking-about-myself/?page=23&tab=comments#comment-244038

 

Edited by eymen23

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I can only provide information and make suggestions.

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puthappinessfirst

Well, so much for my less agitated mood yesterday. I woke up feeling quite anxious, mind raaacing, some jerks mid-sleep. Wanted to call out of work today so bad, but couldn't and didn't. 

 

Here's a high point from yesterday:

 

Went to therapy and my therapist is a gem. She knows and believes what I am going through. I am educating her a lot about psych meds and she herself works with a lot of children and raaaarely (if ever?) sends them out to psych docs for meds. She doesn't believe in the drugging of our young. I told her about the recent NYT article about getting off ADs and about this site. She was very interested and said she has another client trying to get off psych meds, said she'd share the info I gave her, to her client. So, yay?

 

P.S. I am blaming the McDonalds...

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Happiness, 

 

I’m so glad you found a good therapist. It’s nice to find someone who actually believes the severity of what you’re going through, and not just chalking it up to depression or anxiety. That’s great she’s going to share the info you gave her too. Yay, for open minded people that aren’t influenced by what the mainstream says. 

 

Take care, sending hugs 🤗

Been on antipsychotics, benzos, antidepressants and painkillers for chronic pain. 

Been cold turkeyed and put on and off all sorts of things. Was suicidal n ended up in a psych ward because I had akathisia from withdrawals. Can’t remember what I was put on but when I was released was in the same predicament with severe akathisia n was suicidal again.

Back to the ward and was given different meds. Tapered off one and have been trying to taper off Seroquel since. It’s been many, many years of tapering so far.

I’ve  tapered from 300mg of Seroquel to 7.5mg./ March 10 2019=7.25mg / 17th of April=7 mg / June 5th=6.75mg/ July 14th=6.50mg/ August 28=6.25mg/ 10th of Oct= 6.20mg/ October 21=6mg/ December 16=5.80mg/.   January 21 2020=5.60mg/April 2=5.40g/ May 29=5.20mg/ August 14= 5mg/ September 29=4.80mg/ Jan 31, 2021=4.60 mg/

 

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. These are my own views based on what I’ve experienced myself.

 

 

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puthappinessfirst

@Carmie

 

She is a gem. I told her about my med CT/crash/adverse reaction/now wanting off the meds and she is in total support. She shows to much sympathy and she is always asking how she can help me more. Her daughter deals with severe anxiety as well, so she gets it. She has had her own terrible bouts of depression/suicidal thoughts as well. I have definitely dealt with my anxiety most of my life, but never like this. My CT crash and adverse med reaction has really skyrocketed everything times a billion to painful levels. She is smart enough to know this and trust me on this. I am lucky to have found her. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
puthappinessfirst

Today I see another therapist, a specialist in anxiety/OCD/trauma. I am very excited. I am afraid I may not be able to get everything out of this person's practices because I am still in the midst of my stabilization/trauma but I love therapy and she seems quite knowledgeable, kind, and open. My OCD/ruminations/hypervigilance is taking a dang toll on me and I need someone outside my head to help guide me and help me on my road to being somewhat more stable. Has anyone else gone to therapy during all this mess? 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Yes, I am in therapy now. It is useful. I find it keeps me from giving in to the despair and refocuses me on the things that await me in the future.

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

Link to post
puthappinessfirst

Glad you're finding it useful, @Dejavu I really enjoy therapy and find it useful as well. Even if my mind is calm for that 50 mins only. 

Celexa 10mg: 2007 to June 2018, stopped CT

No meds: June 2018 to December 2018

PROTRACTED WD-- major depressive episode for 2+ weeks

Lexapro 10mg: December 12, 2018 to January 19, 2019, severe adverse reaction

Celexa 10mg: January 20, 2019

June 24, 2019: 9mg

July 22, 2019: 8.5mg

Jan 8, 2020: 8mg

Aug 25, 2020: 7.2mg

 

Supplements: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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