puthappinessfirst: starting the fight

[Hannahe]

Hey Happiness! I see you are dropping again! Good luck! You can do it! ❤️

[puthappinessfirst]

I will be next week if all goes according to plan, @Hannahe

Won't be doing a full 10% but closer to 5%-ish. 

Don't wanna get too drop-happy before I'm ready! 

I work full time and can't afford to get super sick and incapacitated. 

 

Thank you for the luck ❤️ 

[Hannahe]

13 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

I will be next week if all goes according to plan, @Hannahe

Won't be doing a full 10% but closer to 5%-ish. 

Don't wanna get too drop-happy before I'm ready! 

I work full time and can't afford to get super sick and incapacitated. 

 

Thank you for the luck ❤️ 

Yes do what you can and of course! 

[puthappinessfirst]

How are you feeling, @Hannahe

[Hannahe]

2 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

How are you feeling, @Hannahe

Akathisia type feelings on and off. It has me in a bunch. I feel like I’m lost in the echo. So many people have different things to say about it, like now I have a condition all on its own besides the withdrawal. Makes me feel hopeless. It’s been tough. 

 

You feeling good now? 

[puthappinessfirst]

Just now, Hannahe said:

Akathisia type feelings on and off. It has me in a bunch. I feel like I’m lost in the echo. So many people have different things to say about it, like now I have a condition all on its own besides the withdrawal. Makes me feel hopeless. It’s been tough. 

 

Akathisia is a beast of its own in that not much is known about it, doctors don't understand it, and it can vary from person to person. 

Some people get inner feelings and can't stop pacing, while some only pace because they feel restless, while some only feel inner vibrations/shaking, while paranoia/terror/fear can accompany all or none. 

It's super confusing. 

I still get symptoms off and on, but it's nowhere near as bad as when I was in acute WD. 

[Hannahe]

9 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

 

Akathisia is a beast of its own in that not much is known about it, doctors don't understand it, and it can vary from person to person. 

Some people get inner feelings and can't stop pacing, while some only pace because they feel restless, while some only feel inner vibrations/shaking, while paranoia/terror/fear can accompany all or none. 

It's super confusing. 

I still get symptoms off and on, but it's nowhere near as bad as when I was in acute WD. 

It’s so frightening. I’m still on drugs so it makes me feel like I will never shake it and be free. 

[puthappinessfirst]

1 minute ago, Hannahe said:

It’s so frightening. I’m still on drugs so it makes me feel like I will never shake it and be free. 

 

They key is to taper slowly and safely. 

Don't make abrupt changes. 

You should find Fresh on here. They had severe akathisia and it went away. 

You won't have it forever, just like I won't. 

[Carmie]

35 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

I will be next week if all goes according to plan, @Hannahe

Won't be doing a full 10% but closer to 5%-ish. 

Don't wanna get too drop-happy before I'm ready! 

I work full time and can't afford to get super sick and incapacitated. 

 

Thank you for the luck ❤️ 

 

Hi Happiness, 

 

Wishing you all the best with your next drop.  Glad to hear you’re not getting drop happy before you’re ready. I dropped again on Sunday too.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[puthappinessfirst]

Hi @Carmie my friend ❤️ 

 

I have been really enjoying reading your updates. 

All the animal and friend outings seems so fun! I am so happy you're getting out. 

Maybe one day you'll be able to show me around Australia as well! 

 

hugs!

[Carmie]

6 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

Hi @Carmie my friend ❤️ 

 

I have been really enjoying reading your updates. 

All the animal and friend outings seems so fun! I am so happy you're getting out. 

Maybe one day you'll be able to show me around Australia as well! 

 

hugs!

 

I’m glad you’ve been enjoying the updates Happiness, 

 

I’m a massive fan of nature and animals, it always brightens my day. Yes, and my friends are amazing and lots of fun. We all have such different personalities and it’s wonderful doing different things with different friends. Everyone has different things that they like to do and I’m all for new experiences and adventures. 

 

I love doing things on my own too, just hopping on a bus and going to explore somewhere. I want to go to an art exhibition next time I have a little bit of energy. I’ll go on my own so I can chill and take my time. 

 

Take care💚

[Hannahe]

14 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

 

They key is to taper slowly and safely. 

Don't make abrupt changes. 

You should find Fresh on here. They had severe akathisia and it went away. 

You won't have it forever, just like I won't. 

Yeah I screwed up. Cut half my dose and then cold turkeyed another med. it’s been six months 🤷🏻‍♀️

[puthappinessfirst]

@Hannahe

 

It's ok. I cold turkey'd my med of 10+ years, reinstated, then tried a different med at 2x the dose, then had to switch back to my original med because the new one I tried triggered akathisia. 

It has been 6 months for me as well. It's a very long process that none of us signed up for. 

[Hannahe]

6 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

@Hannahe

 

It's ok. I cold turkey'd my med of 10+ years, reinstated, then tried a different med at 2x the dose, then had to switch back to my original med because the new one I tried triggered akathisia. 

It has been 6 months for me as well. It's a very long process that none of us signed up for. 

😞😞😞 

 

i hope the process ends with us coming out of the dark tunnel with no issues and able to live a joyful life. 

[puthappinessfirst]

2 minutes ago, Hannahe said:

i hope the process ends with us coming out of the dark tunnel with no issues and able to live a joyful life. 

 

It will, we just have to be patient, reduce stress, and do things that are productive/healthy. 

If you're having days where it's less severe/not too bad then that's a good thing.

[Hannahe]

8 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

 

It will, we just have to be patient, reduce stress, and do things that are productive/healthy. 

If you're having days where it's less severe/not too bad then that's a good thing.

Yeah I do have those days. I hope it means I can stabalize on these doses before I go further.

[puthappinessfirst]

My sleep is starting to level off and return to normal, thank goodness!

The last 2 nights I have fallen asleep at my usual time with no waking until right before my alarm. 

If the disturbed sleep/extra anxiety and fear/extra cortisol was due to my drop, then it would seem that my drops hit me 2 weeks after reduction. 

I did not experience immediate effects from my 10% reduction. 

We will see if this is correct once I do my next drop. 

My next drop is scheduled for sometime next week and I will be going from 9mg to 8.5mg instead of 9mg to 8.1mg

 

[eymen23]

5 hours ago, puthappinessfirst said:

My sleep is starting to level off and return to normal, thank goodness!

The last 2 nights I have fallen asleep at my usual time with no waking until right before my alarm. 

If the disturbed sleep/extra anxiety and fear/extra cortisol was due to my drop, then it would seem that my drops hit me 2 weeks after reduction. 

I did not experience immediate effects from my 10% reduction. 

We will see if this is correct once I do my next drop.

 

 

This is great news PHF, it is always such a relief when the waves start to pass and a window arrives. I have described it as jumping into a cold swimming pool on a hot day. 

 

It is quite typical for there to be a delay between making a drop and symptoms starting. I usually feel mild symptoms from 3-4 days into a reduction, with them peaking anywhere between week 1-3, before evening out in weeks 4-5. I will then often wait an additional week or two, just to enjoy the relief of stability and to give my nervous system a chance to relax. 

[puthappinessfirst]

Thanks, @eymen23! Good to know what you've experienced.

 

How is your Lexapro taper going?? 

[eymen23]

10 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

How is your Lexapro taper going?? 

 

It is going smoothly at present. I have recently reduced to 3.2mg and have been feeling mostly well for the past 4 weeks or so. 

 

Some minor waves since the recent reduction, but nothing I haven’t experienced during previous reductions. 

 

I am happy to keep tapering at a slow and steady pace. Tapering was such a scary prospect back in January, I just hope it continues to go smoothly. 

Edited July 17, 2019 by eymen23

[puthappinessfirst]

That's so awesome, @eymen23! What dosage did you start at? I can't remember. 

Are you doing 5% drops or a variation? 

I am so glad to hear that things are going pretty well for you, definitely an inspiration! 

Especially since you're on my meds stronger sibling. 

[eymen23]

15 minutes ago, puthappinessfirst said:

That's so awesome, @eymen23! What dosage did you start at? I can't remember. 

Are you doing 5% drops or a variation? 

I am so glad to hear that things are going pretty well for you, definitely an inspiration! 

 

Thank you for the kind words. I am still fairly new to the game as it were, as I began tapering from 5mg back in January. Some of the other moderators (and indeed members) have done incredibly well and have finished tapering. There are so many inspiring people here on the site. 

 

I started with two 10% drops, but since then they have been 3-7% drops. I try to drop based on how I’m feeling and what is going on in my life. If my schedule looks quite relaxed I would be tempted to taper by 5-7%, but if it’s busier I’m happy to hold or to taper by 3-5%. 

 

My feeling is that it is a marathon and not a sprint, and if one can listen to their body and nervous system, they can slowly reduce their drug burden whilst living a relatively symptom-free life. Of course things aren’t so straightforward for everyone (such as those who are advised to fast taper or cold turkey by their doctor), but I think there is hope for everyone as long as they can be patient and trust in the process.

 

Good luck with your tapering and when times are tough, try to remember how symptoms can suddenly disappear and life can ease up again. 

Edited July 17, 2019 by eymen23

[puthappinessfirst]

It's been a week since I tapered from 9 to 8.5

My eye twitch is back, which seems like something that will follow me through wd. 

My vision, in general, is horrible, but wd seems to make it worse. 

Blurry vision and lots of floaters. It can be very distracting. 

I've had a slight uptick in fear/anxiety, but that seems to be expected. 

Maybe slightly more irritable. 

Nothing else to report on yet. Just still pushing along.

[puthappinessfirst]

Some updates.

 

Yesterday and the day or two before my anxiety ramped up like crazy. 

Racing thoughts, lots of fear, interrupted sleep, just feeling scared and anxious and creepy all around. 

I realized it had been around 2 weeks since my drop and that's when I experienced some symptoms last time. 

So seems like this may be my "pattern." 

 

The anxiety has leveled off today, but feeling a bit woozy but also heavy headed. 

I am taking a mini vacation in a couple days and will be away from work for a total of 5 days.

I think it's exactly what I need. 

[Glosmom]

Hi puthappinessfirst, Hope things have settled for you and your vacation was relaxing and healing. Best wishes for you, glosmom

[puthappinessfirst]

So, it's been a really hard week.

 

On the 6th my family dog passed and my parents and I are all so depressed and heartbroken. I had her since I was about 9 or 10 years old and she was going to be 19 next month. It's been devastating. 

 

I've also been going through a hefty amount of work stress. This hasn't helped my state, obviously. 

 

It was my birthday on the 7th and I had a wonderful and long awaited overnight getaway with my mom, but obviously, we were talking about my dog half the time, so while it was a much needed, relaxing getaway, it still had a melancholy air to it. I did thoroughly enjoy my quality time with my mom though. She's my rock.

 

The night we got home, on the 8th, I crashed hard. Definitely from stress. I felt like I was back in the beginning stages of my wd/adverse reaction. All I could do was lay in bed and cry, shake with anxiety. My thoughts were racing and hard to grasp and everything felt overstimulating. There have been windows and waves since my most recent drop but all the cumulative stress just totally made me crash. 

 

I plan to hold through the beginning of September as I know I cant think of dropping anytime soon and I have an important event to go to at the beginning of September. So I'll be at 8.5mg until then. 

[Carmie]

Hi Happiness, 

 

I’m really sorry hearing about your dog passing away. We love our animals so much but they don’t live as long as us and it’s always heartbreaking. I’ve shed many tears over beloved animals. 

 

Are you still in a crash or are you feeling a little better? 

 

Sending hugs your way🤗

[puthappinessfirst]

Hi, @Carmie

Thank you so much for dropping in.

 

I am coming out of my crash it finally seems.

The whole month of August has been very stressful with a lot of crappy moments, but I think I am finally pulling through. 

I still plan to hold until mid September at least as I have a trip coming up next weekend and a new job the week after that. 

My next move will be to try a slide for my next drop. 

 

Not sure why I crashed so hard after my 5% drop at the end of July.

Maybe I didn't leave enough time between drops or something. 

Or maybe since I am already below 10mg, straight drops instead of slides are hard on me. 

All the stress this month certainly didn't help.

It's always a guessing game. 

 

I hope your most recent drop treats you kindly

[Rhiannon]

1 hour ago, puthappinessfirst said:

Hi, @Carmie

Thank you so much for dropping in.

 

I am coming out of my crash it finally seems.

The whole month of August has been very stressful with a lot of crappy moments, but I think I am finally pulling through. 

I still plan to hold until mid September at least as I have a trip coming up next weekend and a new job the week after that. 

My next move will be to try a slide for my next drop. 

 

Not sure why I crashed so hard after my 5% drop at the end of July.

Maybe I didn't leave enough time between drops or something. 

Or maybe since I am already below 10mg, straight drops instead of slides are hard on me. 

All the stress this month certainly didn't help.

It's always a guessing game. 

 

I hope your most recent drop treats you kindly

 

It's definitely a guessing game! But it's not an unusual pattern for people to make a few drops and then kind of find that they've gotten ahead of their body's ability to restore itself. I think I read Brassmonkey saying it's like the CNS has a "to do" list with each drop and that list gets longer each time you drop and sometimes it gets too long for the healing to catch up. So the best thing then is to take a longer hold. I think the Brassmonkey Slide method has those holds built in, but there's no rule saying you can't just go ahead and take intermittent longer holds whenever you find things getting a little wobblier than you like, even if you're not using that method. I have always found intermittent longer holds to be helpful. And it's smart to do that when you have new stressors coming up in your life.

 

You're doing great. You'll figure out what your patterns are and you'll be able to weave tapering into your life in a way that lets you still move on with life. And with more practice you will really be able to minimize the suffering. Keep on keeping on!

[puthappinessfirst]

7 minutes ago, Rhiannon said:

It's definitely a guessing game! But it's not an unusual pattern for people to make a few drops and then kind of find that they've gotten ahead of their body's ability to restore itself. I think I read Brassmonkey saying it's like the CNS has a "to do" list with each drop and that list gets longer each time you drop and sometimes it gets too long for the healing to catch up. So the best thing then is to take a longer hold. I think the Brassmonkey Slide method has those holds built in, but there's no rule saying you can't just go ahead and take intermittent longer holds whenever you find things getting a little wobblier than you like, even if you're not using that method. I have always found intermittent longer holds to be helpful. And it's smart to do that when you have new stressors coming up in your life.

 

You're doing great. You'll figure out what your patterns are and you'll be able to weave tapering into your life in a way that lets you still move on with life. And with more practice you will really be able to minimize the suffering. Keep on keeping on!

 

Thank you, Rhi!

Don't think I have ever posted on your thread but I always followed what you posted closely as I saw you were on on Celexa too and very helpful to others/methodical in your tapers. 

 

Your words have really encouraged me today, so thank you for that! 

❤️ 

[intothewoods]

On 8/28/2019 at 11:34 AM, puthappinessfirst said:

All the stress this month certainly didn't help

 

Congrats @puthappinessfirst that a big stress ends today!!! And then the bliss of respite. You made both things happen and are winning this fight!

 

Cheering you on as always, knowing big, beautiful curves await with you at the helm ⛰️.

[puthappinessfirst]

Loving you, @intothewoods

 

Our roadtrip awaits us!

[Carmie]

On 8/29/2019 at 1:34 AM, puthappinessfirst said:

Hi, @Carmie

Thank you so much for dropping in.

 

I am coming out of my crash it finally seems.

The whole month of August has been very stressful with a lot of crappy moments, but I think I am finally pulling through. 

I still plan to hold until mid September at least as I have a trip coming up next weekend and a new job the week after that. 

My next move will be to try a slide for my next drop. 

 

Not sure why I crashed so hard after my 5% drop at the end of July.

Maybe I didn't leave enough time between drops or something. 

Or maybe since I am already below 10mg, straight drops instead of slides are hard on me. 

All the stress this month certainly didn't help.

It's always a guessing game. 

 

I hope your most recent drop treats you kindly

 

Hi Happiness,

 

I’m glad you’re coming out of your crash. I’m only tapering by small amounts too, but I find if I don’t leave enough time between tapers things get considerably worse. I made that mistake many a time before I learnt about tapering. Sometimes even if you think you’ve given yourself enough time it can still catch up to us. Our poor brains are really struggling ever so hard to repair themselves. 

 

My recent drop isn’t going too badly, thanks for asking. It’s exactly two weeks since I’ve made the drop. I’ve had some waves but still have mainly windows. Just very restless. 

 

Are you going to continue to do straight drops or are you going to opt for slides in the future. I haven’t done the slides as yet, but I may do them down the track. Just taking a day at a time and making decisions as I go along.

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

[sunnysideup69]

Hi Happiness,

How ya doing? Was here before as Ruthmcg, mods kindly let me change name for anonymity. Just dropped by to see how you are doing? I see August was tough, how have your last two months been? 

Sending good wishes x

[puthappinessfirst]

2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Hi Happiness,

How ya doing? Was here before as Ruthmcg, mods kindly let me change name for anonymity. Just dropped by to see how you are doing? I see August was tough, how have your last two months been? 

Sending good wishes x

 

Hi there! Thank you for stopping by.

 

August was very hard indeed. September was stressful too. In August my dog of 17 years passed away and it just really messed up me and my whole family. September I was MOH in my friend's wedding and it wasn't an easy process. I also started a new job. 

 

I've had good and bad days, windows and waves, as most people do. I am ready to taper soon though, so have that to look forward to. I think it'll go fine, overall. I'm trying not to think too deeply about it. 

 

But anyway, I'm here, surviving, working, with a regular sleep schedule and great support system and friends, so I'm blessed in those regards. 

 

How are you??

[sunnysideup69]

@puthappinessfirst, woah, sorry, I thought I'd answered your question...I'm a bit late!

 

Well, I'm gradually stabilizing after a med switch, since November things have generally calmed down a bit. But am a way off tapering yet.

Like you, I'm surviving, working part time, beginning to enjoy my job again, getting better amount of sleep, concentrating on nutrition and self care and beginning to socialise again.

Teetotal since April 2019.

 

Life has been a bit stressful in my family , also, since August, but I'm still managing to slowly stabilise, through it all. Just trying to appreciate the little steps forward of progress. Have just emerged from a 10 day wave and am glad to be out of that, squeezing enjoyment out of the windows when they come

 

How are you doing?