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WakeMeUp

Common dynamic - how antidepressants destroy relationships

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WakeMeUp

Hey all. 

 

This is intended to be a support document for those who's partner is suddenly behaving differently on ADs, has left the relationship abruptly (or threatens to), and a very common pattern we have seen over and over again due to how these medications affect the brain.  The goal is to provide partners with support, an idea of what to expect on both sides of the equation (the medicated person, or the non-medicated partner), and what it is like for the relationship after awhile, whether steps have been taken to come off of the meds or not. 

 

I have been working on this for awhile and want to continue to share progress, as well as update with feedback from all of you on an ongoing basis.  This information is also posted on the facebook page Marriages Destroyed by Antidepressants.  But there are a lot of people here on SA that have posted their stories, update their progress on tapering or on their relationships.  I would love for this information to be as complete and as helpful as possible for anyone seeking support and guidance when their relationships have come under this kind of fire.  

 

I am looking for honest feedback, comments, suggestions or anything that you think stands out as very accurate.  Or anything that might need to be added. 

I will also be adding a 4th page to this for useful links, like to studies of SSRI induced indifference, apathy,

and the forum pages on Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, emotional numbness , and to Marriages destroyed by SSRI SNRI - Topix here on SA. 

 

Thank you for your comments and feedback!

 

(Picture 1 of 3 below)

 

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WakeMeUp

My apologies for the multiple posts - I was trying to get all 3 images to post like this, but I am was not having much luck.  

And I am not sure if the images I have posted below are visible to all.

But this is what the post should look like.

 

Sorry for being such a rookie with the forum technology.

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les625

I feel like this is exactly me on medication.  The one time I went off is when my girlfriend broke up with me and I have never been that devastated before.  Unfortunately I went back on medication and my soul got sucked away again...

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manymoretodays

Good job on the charts.

I was the medicated partner WakeMeUp.  Effexor was the medication.

And we are talking longterm marital relationship with a child involved.  I suddenly felt strong enough to instigate divorce.  And we got one.  We had some problems......before.  I can, however, only work on doing my best to keep my side of the street clean.  Work on my stuff.

 

Later.......I believed I was "bipolar", I mean that's what the shrink thought,  and I went down that route and oh, I was........"bipolar brought on by an SSNRI".  It's not a recognized DSM5 disorder.  But I did all the medications for that.  It didn't take me long to realize the super happy......"can't tell me anything I don't already know" wasn't me.  Coming off Effexor........and this was way before my survivingantidepressants time...........was a bear.......lot's of medication switches, the lows were the worst.  I lived.  Frequent cycling up and down, almost every 2 months.  And the downs pretty near killed me.

No infidelity, although, in my mind I was an infidel, if that's the right way to put that.......B) I'll admit.  My behavior wasn't outrageous.  Good thing I started out kind of docile, dependent.......maybe.  Idk.    I consider myself lucky in many ways.  Some of the medications I willingly took were outrageous.

 

Anyway.......I'm still healing, recovering.........and doing my best to amend all my loved ones........including my ex.  His family has been great to me post divorce.  My own is out of state.  It's a sad time though as kids are now grown and I see less of them all.  My ex is moving soon too.  Not far away.  But it's a change in my sometimes still...... much needed support system.  Gotta keep switching those up.  Friends, supports, family.........lot's of changes inherent.  Lot's of adaptions.

 

So.......maybe.........he'll come around some day and let you know.........that it was him.  That he gets it.   Your guy I mean.  And will learn how to manage his depression and anxiety medication free.

   I realized pretty soon, I mean within a year, that I was very altered........not my usual docile, dependent self.  I'm still different than I was though.  I have to work real hard on a lot of things.  I didn't overspend.  Just over committed and then collapsed.  That was my MO.

 

22 years of marriage.  Now divorced for 10.  It's amicable, truly......we are not the best of pals or anything.  Good enough.  And I still do my best to make living amends, when possible.  To both my very dear SUN/son who had to live through separation and then divorce.........  as well as to my ex.  It's ongoing.  He's still on my list........as far as someone I can call if needed.......if/when I might need help with something.  I still, understandably have some tougher times..........even over 2 years off my last medication.  28 years and 28 medications.........that's what I got for a situational depression.  I have to have a list.  And it changes from time to time too.  But I don't consider myself mentally ill anymore.  Challenged.  Empowered.  Just me.

 

My only comment on the charts is that the unmedicated partner doesn't always fight to get the relationship back.  That part makes me a bit sad.  That he never did.  He just got angry.  And not everyone of the medicated's will have all the behaviors.

 

So yes, medications.......psychoactive ones can change personalities, rather dramatically.  This information does need to be shared with prescribers, especially psychiatrists.  And it's good for me to see too.  And you have done a remarkable job with the charts and all.........I hope it's helped your loss.  Hugs.  Really nice layout and job with some tough stuff.  I will certainly attempt to print off some or all, and share where I can.  Hopefully before people seek medication.

On 1/27/2019 at 3:26 PM, WakeMeUp said:

This is intended to be a support document for those who's partner is suddenly behaving differently on ADs, has left the relationship abruptly (or threatens to), and a very common pattern we have seen over and over again due to how these medications affect the brain.  The goal is to provide partners with support, an idea of what to expect on both sides of the equation (the medicated person, or the non-medicated partner), and what it is like for the relationship after awhile, whether steps have been taken to come off of the meds or not. 

 

I'm not the intended recipient..... but related.  As always.  Thanks for the space.  Hard stuff for me too.

Hope you are well and finding joy and new relationships as well.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays
SSNRI not SSRI changed

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WakeMeUp
Quote

My only comment on the charts is that the unmedicated partner doesn't always fight to get the relationship back.  That part makes me a bit sad.  That he never did.  He just got angry.  And not everyone of the medicated's will have all the behaviors.


So sorry MMT on the very long reply.  I need to check those more often for sure!

I will definitely make a note that the non-medicated partner doesn't necessarily fight for the relationship, but can have their own reaction like anger.  I certainly have my moments where I just don't understand how I could have been so easily discarded like waste almost.  Those are the moments that are most definitely the hardest - that one day we were a central part of their life, the next minute we are unimportant and forgettable.  And it wasn't caused my another lover or a fight.  It was a drug that has suppressed their feelings.  But they still look and sound like them.  So it's very difficult for the non-medicated partner to get their head around "how could they do this to me?".  Intellectually, some of us get it - because it's the drug making those emotional decisions right now.  It's still really difficult from an emotional standpoint to stand back and realize that.  

 

Quote

I'm not the intended recipient..... but related.

 

I wish I could edit that part of that post because actually everyone is the intended recipient, both parties involved.  Quite frequently, the medicated partners have used this document after their feelings have returned to share with their families in an effort to explain what happened to them while medicated.  

Thank you MMT for sharing your experience.  The more we see these patterns and can fine tune this, we hope it will help partners and families heal and/or prevent problems with relationships before the drugs create too much damage. 

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manymoretodays

Oh WakeMeUp,

Hugs.  Yes, very difficult emotionally, I'm sure.

And thank you.  Yes, good to hear from all sides of things.

 

Problems with relationships come in many forms, I suppose.  I think we do have to be cautious though, to not do the work, that is the medicated ones alone to do......when they wake up, even a little bit.

Raising awareness, of the medications/drugs change to personalities is, however, so really important.  I mean with prescribers and other partners who may have been so affected and hurt.

 

I'm still getting to that "making amends" part with my ex husband.  Just an apology, whole hearted, for how difficult I must have made it for him.  I don't expect any re-conciliation, and of course, there were a lot of problems in that "longest marriage ever", that could not be wholly blamed on meds or me.  I think if I take responsibility however, for just my part, that it will bring me peace.......whatever his reaction might be.  The right time will come.  Or so my sponsor says.

 

Best WMU,

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Do you have an introduction on the main?  I could not find one.  If you want, go ahead and start one.  We have people tapering all kinds of meds here now, mainly psychotropics, not just AD's though.    Or have you just decided to maintain low dose for migraine control.  One of the last ones I was on was Trileptal/oxcarbazapine.  Not for seizures, just for mood stabilization.  I had a lot of weird WD effects, not really a "waking up" experience......well maybe a bit of one later, when off.  I had the most acute memories pop up-  not all bad or sad or traumatic........just a whole litany of them.

Best again and thank you for the reply.

 

 

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