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BfromNJ
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Topic title:  strange feeling when laying down

 

not sure where to post this. I have always chalked this up to just anxiety over going to sleep or laying down. I say this because i have very bad tinnitus, and since laying down to rest is when it is worse, i just assumed the anxiety of it was what this symptom is.  

 

I have this strange sensation through my body, it almost feels activated, like a vibration type of thing? like my whole body is shaking or vibrating.   i get dizzy and just feel off.  even just closing my eyes and resting my head provokes this.   if that makes sense?  is this a cortisol spike, anxiety, fear or something else physical that i am missing? could it be akathisia? 

 

i can never seem to just calmly lay down to rest, so naps are out of the question.  I just didn't know if it was my anxiety of the tinnitus or something else.  

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title

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BfromNJ
4 hours ago, Shep said:

 

LOL, nope, no copay needed. Just a promise that you'll practice the mindfulness videos regularly on a daily basis. You don't really need to do anything - just set an alarm or an email reminder and listen to them. And you can find many more on YouTube. Or write down some notes that help you remember what to do, and do the gentle breathing exercises even when you're not around your computer. Learn to push "pause" in your daily life for this. 

 

Your comments of "if only if only" are the kinds of thoughts you need to learn to ignore.

 

If a stranger walks up to you on the street and repeatedly asked you the same question again and again and again, would you invite him or her into your home? Would you make this person your best friend, someone you will stop everything in order to listen to? 

 

By engaging in your thoughts this way, you are doing exactly that -  Inviting in problems. But you can learn to ignore them.  It takes some work, but once you learn this technique and it becomes solid, it becomes automatic. 

 

That's peace of mind. 

 

As mindfulness teacher Mooji says, "You thoughts are like visitors and you are NOT a hotel. Don't invite them in!"

 

Look at withdrawal as an opportunity to practice this and you stop dreading waves. Easier said than done, but having an attitude of gratitude is much better than an attitude of fear and apprehension.

 

I've listen to Jon Kabat-Zinn's breathing space thousands of times during withdrawal. And he has many more videos out there that you might want to explore. 

 

 

"This tallies with our thoughts that you're having an adverse reaction, so thank you for reporting this. "

 

"This tallies with our thoughts that you're having an adverse reaction, so thank you for reporting this. "

 

don't get me wrong, I still feel funky after I take this, but its no where near where it was.  its manageable I suppose.   which also leaves me to believe that it was the right decision. its just a matter of deciding when to reduce again.  I think I should hold at least 5 more days.

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Altostrata

Let's see if your sleep settles down. Could have been the Seroquel change or the Luvox reduction that caused a bump. Holding a week is a good idea, then reducing gabapentin might be the next step.

 

You were doing fine tracking symptoms here

 

Just do that. We want to see them every day.

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BfromNJ
9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Let's see if your sleep settles down. Could have been the Seroquel change or the Luvox reduction that caused a bump. Holding a week is a good idea, then reducing gabapentin might be the next step.

 

You were doing fine tracking symptoms here

 

Just do that. We want to see them every day.

  @Altostrata.  It has settled down now.     its just bothersome to me that I need a drug to knock me out, otherwise forget it.  but maybe when my drug load reduces, my ringing will reduce and sleep will come easier.  Chessie cat also said maybe I am having an issue with cortisol, hence why I cant settle down when I lay down to rest. 

 

Okay, I will hold on the luvox taper @ 18.75 now.  

 

Yesterdays Journal: 

4/16-
5:45- awake.  okay sleep. pulsating and shakey feeling in head laying in bed.  okay when up.
6:30- breakfast
       - 200 mg gaba
6:45-  some ringing/buzzing, zaps noticed.
8:00- slight headache.  shaking/pulsing in head.  continues in morning.  head and ear pressure . but clear headed besides this. 
11:00- luvox 18.75 (day 10 of taper)
12:00- lunch
12:30- tinnitus increase.   zaps
2:00- gaba 200 mg
-did not note symptoms, but recall headache, some increase in ringing.
mood was good for remainder of day. 
6:30- dinner
still feeling good., ringing not bothersome.
8:30- gaba 200 mg
9:30- increase in ringing/buzzing.
       - seroquel 25 mg
10- bed
ringing not as bad as it normally is when laying down for night.. 

 

Also forgot to put in specific time for it, but I do get dizziness throughout the day as well.  I think it happens after the gaba doses.  I will note this going forward. 

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BfromNJ
16 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Thanks Chessie.  I also think it may be med related, as I also get this weird shakey, head thing, which I see a lot of others get as well.  seems to go along with the body thing also. and I didn't have this before I was on my latest cocktail. 

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BfromNJ
18 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

I kinda think that this sensation correlates with the weird shaky/pulsing/vibrating feeling in my brain and the strange noises/feelings in my throat.   it is very disturbing and I think its all part of the adverse reaction to medication.  im so uncomfortable with this symptom, it scares me because it feels like brain damage.  dropping my luvox dose has helped me with some things, but this is remaining and its disturbing to think this may stick around awhile until I can figure out which med is the culprit.   if you are having an adverse reaction to medication and you wait to long to get off of it, can it become permanent or do damage?  

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BfromNJ

@Altostrata

@Shep

 

if someone is having an adverse reaction to a medication and they continue on said medication, can it become permanent? is it different than a side effect that may go away? 

 

im specifically talking about what I mentioned to Chessie in the above post, about the vibrations, shaking, etc. in my head and body. 

 

my goodness do I hate these meds.  

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Shep
14 minutes ago, BfromNJ said:

if someone is having an adverse reaction to a medication and they continue on said medication, can it become permanent? is it different than a side effect that may go away? 

 

We don't know. But your short timespan on these drugs is definitely to your favor. 

 

We have success stories from people who experienced adverse reactions to SSRIs but instead of being advised to come off the offending drug, they were gaslighted by their doctors into thinking they were "bipolar" or had "schizophrenia" and were placed on antipsychotics and remained on them for years. 

 

But when they came off, they were a lot better. 

 

So there's tons of hope out there. 

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BfromNJ
36 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

We don't know. But your short timespan on these drugs is definitely to your favor. 

 

We have success stories from people who experienced adverse reactions to SSRIs but instead of being advised to come off the offending drug, they were gaslighted by their doctors into thinking they were "bipolar" or had "schizophrenia" and were placed on antipsychotics and remained on them for years. 

 

But when they came off, they were a lot better. 

 

So there's tons of hope out there. 

There is always hope I know.  Im just scared that I am having adverse reactions and I am still on these. I know its recommended to go quicker if adverse reactions are in play.  is that always the rule?  if one is having an adverse reaction, do you continue the faster taper, regardless of problems so that you can get of the offending med?   I suppose as you said, there are people who stay on them longer than myself while having adverse reactions.   so I guess my question would be - its still advisable to taper, even with an adverse reaction right?  no cold turkey under any circumstances?  of course unless its something life threatening?

 

I myself am worried about this weird shaky//vibration/pulsing thing in my head and the vibration in my body.  I thought initially the body part was cortisol, but now im thinking its an adverse reaction.   its bothersome today. 

 

I know I have so many variables at play, the current meds and my past mirtzapine withdraw.

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BfromNJ

In regards to my above post,  this symptom is very bad today.  

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BfromNJ

@Shep

@Altostrata

@ChessieCat

 

Im Very concerned about this shaking/vibrating/pulsing tremor sensation.  Normally comes and goes in my head.  It's been bad and persistent all day. And throughout my body.  Down my chest and spreads out.  Worse or at least more noticable when I'm sitting or lying down.  It's not akathisia right?  I don't feel the urge to move.  Could this be the luvox drop?  Its day 11.   I'm scared of this.  

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BfromNJ
6 hours ago, BfromNJ said:

 

I've updated my signature.  I did not include 2/18 inpatient where doctor gave on set of meds and next day another one changed them.  Topamax and abilify.  It's like they throw nails on dart board and see what sticks.  

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Altostrata

B, you should know by now, we can't interpret a symptom unless you put it in the context of time of day and your drug schedule. Please post your daily drug schedule and symptom notes.

 

You are clearly very anxious about your symptoms. Were you always inclined to health anxiety or general anxiety about controlling what happens next?

 

Giving us the information we need without us having to ask for it over and over again will make our jobs a lot easier. Thank you.

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BfromNJ
5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

B, you should know by now, we can't interpret a symptom unless you put it in the context of time of day and your drug schedule. Please post your daily drug schedule and symptom notes.

 

You are clearly very anxious about your symptoms. Were you always inclined to health anxiety or general anxiety about controlling what happens next?

 

Giving us the information we need without us having to ask for it over and over again will make our jobs a lot easier. Thank you.

I'm sorry .  I was all day and new.  

 

Here it is. 

 

4/17-  
decent night sleep.  
5:45- up. - some ringing , this is unusual for the morning.  a bit of disconnect.
- shakey/pulsing/vibrating feeling in head. and body.  
this has persisted through out morning
6:45-  breakfast 
       -  gaba 200 mg and probiotic. 
7:30- work 
-headache and pressure coming on.  dizzyness.
11:00- 18.75 mg luvox (taper day 12).
12:00- lunch
- did not note symptoms after lunch, but most bothersome was the vibrating/pulsing sensation.  it was all day from first in morning.
2:00- 200 mg gaba
- dizzyness, pressure.
4:00- gym
6:30- dinner
8:30- 200 mg gaba 
9:45 - 25 mg seroquel
pulsing/shaking is still very bad.

 

And I guess I am anxious about symptoms because these are all new to me and scary.  And yes I am prone to worry about what may come.   It's just scary with the meds.  

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Shep
22 hours ago, BfromNJ said:

4/16-
5:45- awake.  okay sleep. pulsating and shakey feeling in head laying in bed.  okay when up.

 

11 minutes ago, BfromNJ said:

4/17-  
decent night sleep.  
5:45- up. - some ringing , this is unusual for the morning.  a bit of disconnect.

 

In your drug and symptoms journal from about a week ago, you were waking up around 4:30 every morning.

 

And now it's getting close to 6 am and you're reporting decent nights of sleep. 

 

That's an improvement. 

 

19 hours ago, BfromNJ said:

I know its recommended to go quicker if adverse reactions are in play.  is that always the rule?  if one is having an adverse reaction, do you continue the faster taper, regardless of problems so that you can get of the offending med?   I suppose as you said, there are people who stay on them longer than myself while having adverse reactions.   so I guess my question would be - its still advisable to taper, even with an adverse reaction right?  no cold turkey under any circumstances?  of course unless its something life threatening?

 

 

A cold turkey for an adverse reaction would certainly get the drug out of your system, but if your system has become dependent on the drug, the withdrawal can be worse than the adverse reaction.

 

So we recommend 25% reductions and you decide if it's too much or too little (although I'd be hesitant to go more than 25% at a time). 

 

Look for OVERALL improvements. You may pick up new symptoms, but if other symptoms are improving, you may feel you are overall better. 

 

We really can't give you anything more specific than that. Go as fast as you feel able. It's going to be bumpy, but go at a rate that makes it manageable. 

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BfromNJ
8 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

 

In your drug and symptoms journal from about a week ago, you were waking up around 4:30 every morning.

 

And now it's getting close to 6 am and you're reporting decent nights of sleep. 

 

That's an improvement. 

 

 

 

A cold turkey for an adverse reaction would certainly get the drug out of your system, but if your system has become dependent on the drug, the withdrawal can be worse than the adverse reaction.

 

So we recommend 25% reductions and you decide if it's too much or too little (although I'd be hesitant to go more than 25% at a time). 

 

Look for OVERALL improvements. You may pick up new symptoms, but if other symptoms are improving, you may feel you are overall better. 

 

We really can't give you anything more specific than that. Go as fast as you feel able. It's going to be bumpy, but go at a rate that makes it manageable. 

Yes shep I know sleep is better.  But it's like one step forward two back.  Because now the daytime symptoms are worse.  I'm still holding on the luvox for now.  

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BfromNJ
1 hour ago, BfromNJ said:

I'm sorry .  I was all day and new.  

 

Here it is. 

 

4/17-  
decent night sleep.  
5:45- up. - some ringing , this is unusual for the morning.  a bit of disconnect.
- shakey/pulsing/vibrating feeling in head. and body.  
this has persisted through out morning
6:45-  breakfast 
       -  gaba 200 mg and probiotic. 
7:30- work 
-headache and pressure coming on.  dizzyness.
11:00- 18.75 mg luvox (taper day 12).
12:00- lunch
- did not note symptoms after lunch, but most bothersome was the vibrating/pulsing sensation.  it was all day from first in morning.
2:00- 200 mg gaba
- dizzyness, pressure.
4:00- gym
6:30- dinner
8:30- 200 mg gaba 
9:45 - 25 mg seroquel
pulsing/shaking is still very bad.

 

And I guess I am anxious about symptoms because these are all new to me and scary.  And yes I am prone to worry about what may come.   It's just scary with the meds.  

shakey/pulsing/vibrating feeling in head. and body.  
this has persisted through out morning

 

the above actually started later in morning.  I believe around 8 or 9

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BfromNJ
2 hours ago, Shep said:

 

A cold turkey for an adverse reaction would certainly get the drug out of your system, but if your system has become dependent on the drug, the withdrawal can be worse than the adverse reaction.

 

So we recommend 25% reductions and you decide if it's too much or too little (although I'd be hesitant to go more than 25% at a time). 

 

Look for OVERALL improvements. You may pick up new symptoms, but if other symptoms are improving, you may feel you are overall better. 

 

We really can't give you anything more specific than that. Go as fast as you feel able. It's going to be bumpy, but go at a rate that makes it manageable. 

Should I wait longer to drop again, especially with the symptoms I have had yesterday and today?  maybe I should go a month.  Gosh I cant believe this is soooo hard after such a short time and with a small dose to begin with.   its not my first rodeo with meds (ssris), I didn't have this trouble before.  Is that unusual?  I suppose we can change. 

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BfromNJ

 

 

My legs are feeling funny.  very activated and restless.  like I need to stretch them or stand up.  whole weird feeling through the body.  any way to find relief from this?  Im leary of fish oil as I seem to get more activated from it.   If its akathisia, might it pass when I stabilize on this decrease?  should I be stabilizing now at 12 days or is this sudden onset of symptoms normal at about this time?  below is my journal from half of this day. 

 

4/18-
5:00- woke up.  layed in bed until 5:45 alarm .  I think up once during night?  cannot remember.
-ringing/buzzing/tinnyness.   ear pressure.  disconnect.  unusual for morning .  
6:45- breakfast. 
       - 200 mg gaba and probiotic.
8:00 - ringing/buzzing worse now.  dizzyness and disconnect.  shaking/pulsing/vibrating feeling head and body .  can hear cracking sound in my head. continues thru morning. 
9:30- very bad ringing/buzzing still
11:00- bad headache starting 
11:30- luvox 18.75 mg (day 13 of taper)
12:30- legs feeling restless and weird.  
like I need to move them.  stiff.
more clear headed.   not as much disconnected.  tingling in bottom of feet.
still shaking/pulsing/vibrating in head and shaky/pulsing/vibrating head and body. 
headache better.
2:00- gabapentin 200
 

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BfromNJ

im having a terrible day.  trying not to feel sorry for myself.  the tinnitus is off the hook today and its getting to me.   very intrusive and it wants to compete with all other noises around for my attention.  :(

 I hope i level out some.  definitely going lower in my taper amount next time, because obviously i cant rush this even if i am having adverse reactions.   what a devil these meds are.  :( 

 

i am going to attempt a longer meditation tonight (in general meditation is hard because of the tinnitus, dizziness when i close my eyes and the vibrating in my head and body)   and will walk my dog after work. 

 

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Altostrata

My guess is you are having side effects from gabapentin. The decrease in Luvox didn't help much.

 

I would hold on Luvox and reduce gabapentin. You can reduce it by 20mg per dose for 60mg overall. You may wish to reduce the nighttime dose 20mg as a first step, Seroquel should take care of putting you to sleep.

 

Please keep daily notes of drug schedule and symptom pattern, let us know how you're doing.

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BfromNJ
34 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

My guess is you are having side effects from gabapentin. The decrease in Luvox didn't help much.

 

I would hold on Luvox and reduce gabapentin. You can reduce it by 20mg per dose for 60mg overall. You may wish to reduce the nighttime dose 20mg as a first step, Seroquel should take care of putting you to sleep.

 

Please keep daily notes of drug schedule and symptom pattern, let us know how you're doing.

Thank you alto.  I also think in addition to gaba side effects,  its luvox withdraw, being how different some of this is.  might that also be right?  Especially with the legs and the vibrations,  etc.  

 

Could different side effects start up after bring on a the gaba for this long? 

 

I think I will give it a few more days to try and stabilize before I reduce gaba.  

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Altostrata

Yes.

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BfromNJ
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Yes.

Yes to what?  Side effects just now appearing ?  Lol sorry if I'm being dumb my brain is mush.  

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Shep

Yes, side effects can appear at any time once your nervous system is destabilized. This is a good explanation as to why, from the thread One theory of antidepressant withdrawal syndrome.

 

On 5/24/2011 at 10:59 PM, Altostrata said:

Once disinhibition of the alerting system takes hold, it becomes self-perpetuating. The whole question of neurotransmitter imbalance -- a chimera of psychiatry anyway -- becomes moot. No manipulation of serotonin, norepinephrine, or dopamine is going to help. In fact, it usually makes the condition worse.

Noradrenergics -- buproprion or Wellbutrin; mirtazapine or Remeron; SNRIs such as Cymbalta, Serzone, Effexor; and St. John's Wort, rhodiola -- stimulate "fight or flight" activation, as will most SSRIs. Drugs and substances that are stimulating should be avoided.

Even drugs that are calming may cause a paradoxical reaction as the alerting system fights to stay in control.

My guess is: The first phase of withdrawal, the acute phase, is the initial shock of withdrawal, with the most defined symptoms, such as brain zaps and nausea and possibly waves of unusually intense "depression" and "anxiety" -- actually, emotions generated by the neurological upset. Later, glutamatergic hyper-reactivity and autonomic instability take over. Often the autonomic instability causes wide hypersensitivity to drugs, supplements, and even foods.

Out of control, unrelated to environmental or psychological triggers, the alerting system sends intense, spontaneous signals to the adrenals, which produce the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline.

This is not strictly brain damage. Brain damage means some physical part has been permanently removed and can never be recovered. Rather, this is iatrogenic neuropsychiatric damage.

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BfromNJ
10 minutes ago, Shep said:

Yes, side effects can appear at any time once your nervous system is destabilized. This is a good explanation as to why, from the thread One theory of antidepressant withdrawal syndrome.

 

Yikes.  Does "damage " imply permanent?  So if the drop in luvox has caused additional side effects in the gabapentin, do I hold a bit?  Or maybe what alto said makes sense to start reducing the gabapentin?  This really stinks being on multiple meds. I'm still blaming myself.  😥

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BfromNJ
journal for day
4/19
4:30- woke up and layed in bed till alarm at 5:45. head s/p/v
-some anxiety.  ears very full feeling.  
slight r/b/t
6:30- breakfast.
       - 200 mg gaba and probiotic
- weird throat sensation.  (zaps?)
7:30-at work
dizzyness and head pressure.  
ringing increases in intensity late morning. it's horrible and hard to deal with.  unable to mask it.     s/p/v feeling in head. 
10:45- luvox 18.75 mg (taper day 14)
12:00- lunch
waves of horrible ringing coming on.  bringing on depression.  anxiety . throat sensations (zaps?) emotions up and down.  
2:00- 200 mg gaba
4:00- felt very off at store.  dizzy and disconnected.  mood was ok though.  
rest of evening okay.  zaps. 
6:00- dinner
8:45- 200 mg gaba
10:00- ringing picked up 
10:30 - 25 mg seroquel
1100 - bed - fell asleep fast
 
 

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Altostrata

What do s/p/v  and r/b/t mean?

 

I do not see Luvox withdrawal symptoms in that pattern.

 

On 4/18/2019 at 2:49 PM, Altostrata said:

I would hold on Luvox and reduce gabapentin. You can reduce it by 20mg per dose for 60mg overall. You may wish to reduce the nighttime dose 20mg as a first step, Seroquel should take care of putting you to sleep. 

 

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BfromNJ
10 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

What do s/p/v  and r/b/t mean?

 

I do not see Luvox withdrawal symptoms in that pattern.

 

 

Oops sorry its shaking/pulsing/tremor and ringing/buzzing.   

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BfromNJ
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

What do s/p/v  and r/b/t mean?

 

I do not see Luvox withdrawal symptoms in that pattern.

 

 

Sorry its shaking/vibrating/pulsing (like tremors inside) and ringing/buzzing.  I think drop in luvox is exacerbating gaba effects.  The only withdraw I thought was maybe the shaking/vibrating  sensations I am getting.  And a lot of zaps.  Even today all day zaps.  

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BfromNJ
3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

What do s/p/v  and r/b/t mean?

 

I do not see Luvox withdrawal symptoms in that pattern.

 

 

Okay so the gaba is in capsules, so do I weigh the capsule, then figure out how much 10% of that is , then remove it ?  Do I need to worry about the weight of the actual capsule? 

 

Also, how do I know that this internal shaking thing isn't akathisia?  What else could it be?  When I am at rest,  my body feel like it's like vibrating like.  And sometimes my legs feel activated.   

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BfromNJ

4/21 journal entry 

can't recall time I woke up. layed in bed.  slept ok. 
- while in bed, had pulsing/vibrating/shaking feeling. feel first usually in head when waking up. also most prominent in chest.  
9:00- 200 mg gabapentin 
9:30- breakfast. 
- weird feeling back of throat- I think its zaps.  
- legs feel funny , mostly thighs.  they just feel activated, uncomfortable. 
11:00- 18.75 mg luvox (day 16)
ongoing leg symptoms as above come and go.
2:00-  increase in ringing/buzzing in head/ears .  feeling dizzy and a bit disconnected.  
sat down to rest and felt inner shaking/vibrating/pulsing.
2:30- 200 mg gabapentin.  
4:00- head clearer.  still zaps.  all day.  these sensations are more frequent last few days.  
5:30- headache.  ringing/buzzing bad.  
dinner.  
8:00- leg symptoms again.  very uncomfortable.  
9:00- 200 mg gabapentin 
9:30- 25 mg seroquel. 
10:00- bed.  

 

@Shep

@Altostrata

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BfromNJ

@Altostrata

@Shep

 

4/21-  journal entry. 
-can't recall time I woke up. layed in bed.  slept ok.
- while in bed, had pulsing/vibrating/shaking feeling. feel first usually in head when waking up. also most prominent in chest area but I am also getting through out body. 
9:00- 200 mg gabapentin
9:30- breakfast.
- weird feeling back of throat- I think its zaps but I cannot be sure. 
- legs feel funny , mostly thighs. they are agitated, crampy, restless.
11:00- 18.75 mg luvox (day 16)
ongoing leg symptoms as above come and go.
2:00-  increase in ringing/buzzing in head/ears .  feeling dizzy and a bit disconnected. 
sat down to rest and felt inner shaking/vibrating/pulsing.
2:30- 200 mg gabapentin. 
4:00- head clearer.  still zaps.  all day.  these sensations are more frequent last few days. 
5:30- headache.  ringing/buzzing bad. 
dinner. 
8:00- leg symptoms again.  very uncomfortable. heating pad. 
9:00- 200 mg gabapentin
9:30- 25 mg seroquel.
10:00- bed. 
 

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BfromNJ

So my doctor suggested that instead of taking gabapentin as 200 mg 3 times per day (for a total of 6 capsules as they are 100 mg each), that I take one 300 mg capsule twice a day.  While I agree this is easier and will be also easier when I taper, so I don't have to take powder out of so many capsules, I am leary of this because its yet a another change .  I told him no. I think its a bad idea? Thoughts? 

 

@Altostrata

@Shep

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BfromNJ

@Shep

 

im so disturbed by this "symptom, side effect" whatever it is.  I post it regularly in my journal entry here.  Its like a shaking/pulsing/vibrating feeling.  I feel it mostly in my head, but I think that's because its the most disturbing area for me to feel it in.  It also goes into my chest and now in other areas of my body.  I don't know if I can describe it as an internal tremor like sensation or what.  Its so hard to explain.  certain areas of my body are also tingling (this has gotten worse). The bottom of my feet left foot being worse) are the worst.  and also this feeling in my thighs, they become crampy like and they feel activated.  another one that's hard to explain.  im so frustrated.  I had this before tapering luvox, although it seemed predominantly in the brain.  It seems to get worse and worse.   I don't know if this is the effects of the gabapentin after two months on it, or the luvox taper?  I try my best to track it in my journals but it seems so random to me. 

 

Its very disturbing to me, especially since its so hard to explain. 

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