☼ Amira

[Amira]

@Altostrata i have a question please.

how long did it take for the anhedonia, apathy, emotion numbness,DO to go away for you? And based on other people's stories what is the average timeframe for these symptoms to go away?

 

 

Thanks

[Altostrata]

Sorry, there is no average timeframe. It will be very slow, be patient.

[Amira]

I should admit that lately i was putting so much pressure on myself, i was comparing my case and timeline with other people's cases, like "they healed in 12 months and here i am still suffering at 20 months, oh did i damage my self beyond repair?" To be honest it is really relieving to let go of any expectations and just stay the course and think about today only. Because you know what, nothing in this life is guaranteed, i cannot guarantee that i will live one more minute, my soul is not mine anyway. I made this mistake before and i thought i am in control of my life and i should control EVERYTHING/PEOPLE and life should be perfect but the truth is I AM NOT in control and life was/will never be perfect, and that probably was one of many thinking patterns that led me to the decision of taking mediciation and believing there is a magic pill that can cure all my issues. Before this ordeal i never had those words in my dictionary, Acceptance and Patience. And here i am now having no option but to accept and wait so i guess i learned valuable lessons that will serve me for the rest of my life.

 

 

The hardest part is the voice that tells me to end it, but you know what, i will keep ignoring it because i want to heal and live.

[Amira]

@Altostrata quick question please

 

can corticosteroids topical creams affect my nervous system? I am asking because i have hand eczema for over 5 months now without relief 

[Shep]

10 hours ago, Amira123 said:

can corticosteroids topical creams affect my nervous system? I am asking because i have hand eczema for over 5 months now without relief 

 

Yes, some people do report problems with corticosteroid creams during their taper. 

 

Steroid risk? Prednisone, prednisolone etc.

 

 

[Vegalia]

Hello Amira, 

 

I have eczéma too, especially in hands and on a scar on the à foot. 

I don't dare to put any more cream. 

 

Do you use a mild soap or gel specialized for fragile skin?
Dry well after washing with a very soft towel.
This can help a little.

I also noticed that it gets worse with hydro-acloolic gel. : I only use it if I have to go out for shopping or medical care. Otherwise always mild soap.
 

Take care.

 

Vegalia.

[Amira]

Thanks for the info @Shep 

 

 

@Vegalia i am using regular soap that has fragrance but i think i will look for a milder one. I have never had eczema that bad before taking AD's so i am sure it is related to WD. Thank you for your advise Vegalia🌸 take care

[Vegalia]

you can also try using baby detergent for washing clothes and towels and a mild dishwashing product.

It is not all miraculous but it can help a little.

Products with no parfum is better.

 

Courage. 

 

Have a good day. ☺

 

Vega. 

[Amira]

Thank you for your advise @Vegalia ❤️ I have also heard that diet can contorl eczema as it is considered a form of inflammation

[Vegalia]

Hello Amira, 

 

You're welcome.

 

Take care. 

 

Vega. 

[Amira]

GOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! 

 

 

I feel broken inside, i feel my soul has been ripped away from my body leaving my body with a chemical FEAR, ANXIETY, AKATHISIA, feeling like i am outside the flow of humanity. the mental horror show is non stop, life is so distant, gray and cold. the awful feeling of this being permenant, it does really feel like eternity really, i have lost my cognitive abilities, my reason, my imagniation, feelings, i feel like am not a human being anymore. 

 

 

 am i stuck in this state for the rest of my life. God please please please help me

 

 

 

 

 

[Hanna72]

Hi @Amira123 

I know how hard this journey is. I am in a similar situation now. 
We can not loose hope, there are so many who have healed, and we will too. It takes time, I know it’s not something we want to hear repeatedly, but I read your thread and you have made many improvements💖 Try to focus on that. 
Have you listened to the lovely grind on YouTube. I will leave a link for you down below. 
We will get there, hugs to you🥰

 

[Amira]

@Hanna72 Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️

 

I have been following the Lovelygrind for sometime now, he went through hell and he said he healed so that gives me some hope because sometimes when you are going through the thick of it you can't see any hope.

 

 

Stay well🌸

 

 

[Vegalia]

Hello Amira, 

 

Sending you hugs and hope. ❤️

 

Vega

[Amira]

Thank you Vega for your kind words, Hugs for you❤️ 

[Amira]

I went through unpleasant wave that lasted around 12 days, and thank God it went away today, the chemical fear, akathisia, anxiety, intrusive thoughts have improved but i am still dealing with anhedonia, Despersonalization, cog fog, emotion numbness. they seem to take longer to heal

 

but the pattern is obvious now, feel better for few days, then a strong wave and then feel better again

[Cocopuffz17]

2 hours ago, Amira123 said:

I went through unpleasant wave that lasted around 12 days, and thank God it went away today, the chemical fear, akathisia, anxiety, intrusive thoughts have improved but i am still dealing with anhedonia, Despersonalization, cog fog, emotion numbness. they seem to take longer to heal

 

but the pattern is obvious now, feel better for few days, then a strong wave and then feel better again

Glad to hear! You will get longer windows and shorter waves! 

[Amira]

@Cocopuffz17 I look forward to the day when this is possible

Thank you for your words of encouragement!  

[Amira]

@manymoretodays did Claire Weeks talk about OCD and how to treat it?

[Amira]

@Altostrata can high cortisol due to prolonged WD reverse after the CNS normalise? And is full recovery possible for everyone?

[Altostrata]

Please do not be concerned about cortisol. Your body fixes itself to go back to normal.

[Amira]

Thank you Alto ❤️

[Amira]

Is inability to feel compassion towards people normal? I used to be somehow a compassionate person and i had empathy towards people. Now i am unable to feel this. I am very sad because it was one of my good qualities and it gave my life meaning and purpose and it is now ripped away from me. I hate having alot of hate inside me. And i have alot of chemical feeling of guilt and shame. Is this normal? Will i get back these quailities again?

 

 

@Altostrata 's input or any of the moderators, mentors will be appreciated.

 

[Altostrata]

Emotional anesthesia is a common consequence of taking psychiatric drugs that will very gradually go away in time.

[Amira]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

 

If you were exposed to toxins, like mercury or lead, you will need to consult medical specialists to remove them from your body. This is only for real, serious exposure to toxins. We don't endorse liver purification or other detoxification procedures here.

 

 

I have 5 mercury fillings in my teeth, i had them when i was a child so i had no choice back then. Now i am confused, will they delay my recovery or affect my nervous system? I am scared to go to the dentist in this WD state and i thought maybe after i recover i will go and remove them. But i am scared now they are harming me. What do you think? Should i remove them now or should i wait until i recover and perfom the procedure?

 

@Altostrata 

[Altostrata]

I doubt your mercury fillings have anything to do with your withdrawal syndrome and recovery.

 

When I talked about mercury, I meant serious exposure to mercury, as in a factory or a mine.

[Amira]

Thank you @Altostrata your outstanding support is appreciated  💞

[Amira]

I love this story, a woman who took benzo for 3 years and recovered after 20 months of stopping the drug:

 

 

"September 9th marks eight years free of benzo beast for me. The one thing that nobody misses is the paralyzing fear of never recovering. The fear of staying sick and feeling alone will vanish. You will recover and the crippling fear will subside. Many horrific symptoms accompany this experience, but the one that is most disturbing is the hopelessness and fear of staying sick. Those of us who have recovered can testify to you that your symptoms will go away at some point. The fear will go with them. Fear is not from God. It is from the enemy. Don't give up hope. Don't ever let the enemy win. Ever. Your miracle is waiting for you. I know it!
 

 

 

Below is her response to members questions:

 

 

"Yes, I felt as if I was on a bad acid trip 24/7. Fear of being the elephant in the room was constant. There's no words to describe that feeling...on top of all the other bizarre symptoms. I think these drugs affect the calming center of our brain and positive thinking is almost impossible. How can we carry on a normal conversation or enjoy anything when we feel like we're dying all the time? I was consumed with me. No matter how much I tried to divert my attention to something else, my thoughts were consumed with myself. 

I think we become friends with our illness. We become our sickness, and the thought of being set free is scary as we lived this way for so long. Like a caged animal who stays in it's cage when the door is open. Will we be able to pick up where we left off? Will we be able to function normally? What will I do once I get better and no longer need support? How do I leave this hell behind me? How does this scary journey end once I'm better? Will I be expected to go back to work or join in the reindeer games with everyone? Will people think I was just crazy? What's it really like to be normal again?  I had those fears and many more. 

Once your brain becomes clearer and the numerous familiar symptoms start to subside, so does the fear. It's almost as if we are born again and life, with all it's beauty, returns. Fresh air smells good. Watching the waves break onto the beach is exciting. Hearing the everyday sounds of life seems new and unfamiliar. Children playing at the park seems like a vision from yesteryear. Was I really a playful kid like them at one time? It's like seeing the world for the first time. Fear turns to hope and thankfulness when we get a second chance. We awaken from the benzo coma and want to do so many things we missed out on while sick. It's all such a pathetic ordeal.


There's the benzo us and the real us. The real us is in there, it's just been altered by chemicals. And, the real us does emerge eventually. Everyone's journey is different and each recovers on a different timetable. But, from everyone I speak with or email, everyone gets better. You will, too. I never believed I'd be normal again...not for one second. But, I was wrong. 

Hugs and healing. Denise aka Dezlaz4"

 

 

 

"If I had a magic wand I'd wave it over everyone who has ever suffered at the hands of Big Pharma and end your pain. Trusting a doctor and a prescription took the wrong turn for us somehow...like a bad b-rated movie, we find ourselves lost in a maze of confusion. Like a bizarre conspiracy we cannot escape....a personal attack on our body and brain. Really, nobody can understand the desperation unless they lived it. The benzo tornado roars in like an F-5. It's beyond all human comprehension. It's beyond all reason. How unbelievable to think any legal drug could wreak such havoc even after months or years after the last pill.  Why me? Right? Why not me? There is a purpose to suffering. I do know that. Suffering produces perseverance, endurance, and hope. 

I think back to that time with disbelief. I look at my life now in disbelief. The entire experience was not of this world. But, it ends. As bad as you feel now with the body-wide pain, anxiety, DP/DR, tingling, insomnia, panic, depression, hopelessness, burning, fear, numbness, nausea, bad thoughts, and everything else...you do know none of these things are normal. Nobody can be this sick from nothing. This stuff doesn't just fall from the sky. They come directly from benzo drugs. These symptoms make no sense yet we face them every day, every night, terrified of tomorrow. What a ridiculous way of living...just waiting...and waiting...and waiting. But, our waiting isn't in vain.

One day, the waiting is over. And, the old you knocks on your door and says, "I'm back!""

 

 

"I'm not sure what protracted means. I really don't like that term as it scares people into thinking they are left behind and have less hope of recovering. We heal when we heal. I have been working out at the gym for five years now and that seems to have helped a lot. I do trigger point massage for any and all muscle pain. It works. God bless. Just know you will recover. You won't be the oddball or the exception. Your body will recover from the madness. Hopefully sooner than later. "

 

"God bless you all. I feel so bad for you. I know the darkness all too well. I lost five years and can barely believe any of it. Three years on Ativan for a bladder problem, of all things. Then another 20 months of withdrawal. Total insanity. 

May the God of creation bless you with his mercy and touch your weary bones with his peace. May you all glean hope from him and those who walked thru this valley of death to the other side. You will be forever changed. Your eyes have been opened to a world many will never see. Use your suffering to help others. Know there is a divine purpose in brokenness. Crying comes for a while, but the day will come when your tears will be wiped away. No more shame. No more pain. No more fear. Just peace in your body. Praise God that you all were determined enough and smart enough to figure it out. Many never do and stay stuck in the hamster wheel. You are remarkably brave. You have a very unique testimony and your humility blesses me. God bless. Stay committed.

Hugs and healing to you all."

 

[Amira]

Hello @Altostrata is it normal during WD to lose sense of smell? I lost it 2 years ago after stopping the medication and it has not returned back since that time. Do you think it will return completley one day when the nervous system recovers?

[ChessieCat]

olfactory-disturbances-changes-in-the-sense-of-smell

 

No 52 on this list:  Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

[Amira]

Thank you. does it go away? @ChessieCat

[ChessieCat]

If it's a withdrawal symptom then like other withdrawal symptoms it will probably get better as time goes by.

 

However if you are taking other medications you could research to see if it might be caused by them.

 

One thing you will need to do is make sure that you are eating a healthy diet and getting enough calories regardless of not being able to taste things.

[Amira]

I do not take any medications in the meantime that is why i am sure it is a symptom of withdrawl. Thank you for your help @ChessieCat

[Amira]

Can anybody advise me please. Is it possible to recover from this. I am starting to doubt it and to lose hope. i am afraid i have done some permenant damage to my brain. I am now 26 months off and not recovered yet. 26 months is a good time for something to heal so why i am not recovered? I do not prefer to write about my suffering and each time i am having a wave i prefer to keep it to myself because i do not want to scare anybody. But i am feeling so hopeless.

 

I am very sad to still have the chemical dark depression and the thoughts which come with it even after 2 years. These thoughts are torturing me. the chemical fear, hopelessness, dread are beyond comprehension. The suffering is so surreal i sometimes wonder is it possible for feelings like this to exist in life

 

The symptoms are getting on my way of having a normal life. I want to have a job, to have money to enable me to live. I want to study and be able to read books again. Marriage and having kids are now distant dreams which i do not know will happen or not. I really want to have control over my brain again to do the basic things that humans do. To have the basic human feelings, positive feelings and emotions. I feel very sad i lost my cognitive functions, i cant be creative or plan anything. I am not able to connect to anythinng around me. I want to be able to solve normal life issues again. To be able to make meals for myself. To lay on my bed and not wish death every second.  And my family make it even harder by not believing me or even show empathy. They are asking me to have a job, marry, have kids, social life. And i  do not have any evidence for my illness. No scan or test to show i am ill. It all started when i was 23, now i will turn 28.

 

I can't believe a small pill prescribed by a dr can damage my life this way.

Edited December 24, 2020 by Shep
edited post according to Amira's PM request.

[Shep]

Amira, if you are suicidal to the point you may take action on your thoughts, please seek support in person. Many people are still sick after 2 years off a cold turkey. That's not uncommon. But it will get better. Slowly. Please see: 

 

Are We There Yet? How Long Is Withdrawal Going To Take?

 

You may want to show your family these articles:

 

Psychiatry’s Top Experts Acknowledge Lasting Harms of Antidepressant Withdrawal

 

Review Documents Severe Withdrawal Effects of Psychiatric Drugs

 

This thread has some good ideas:

 

Helping Family Understand

 

[Amira]

Thank you for your support @Shep do you think these symptoms will go away one day?