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JoshD: my journey


JoshD

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Hi All,

 

I apologize in advance because i'm not a good writer but i'll do my best.  I also much admit i have a selfish intention for signing up, I have a question and need help but i'll get into that later... on with the introduction. 

 

I've been lurking on this site and the old Paxil site for a very long time and I guess i've been scared to officially sign-in and say Hi because that would solidify that I was indeed going through Paxil withdrawal.  But here i am.  That being said It's been 6 years since i last took paxil...  I was on and off different meds for 14 years but was mainly on Paxil (at least for the last 10) and ended up being @ 40mg before i finally decided to stop.  It's been a very rocky road.  Before i get into that I wanted to mention the choices/experiences that led to me getting off medication.  I remember having a conversation with my wife and her saying that, "It's been a long time honey and you probably don't need to be on meds anymore."  I didn't really think they were doing anything for me anyways and it was a pain in the butt going to see my psychiatrist every few months and have the same 2 min conversation about nothing... sports etc just so i could get a prescription for a drug i didn't think i needed anymore.  So i decided to finally tell him that I'm thinking of getting off my meds.  Surprisingly he agree and felt that i'd probably be fine and gave me the whole 30 day weaning script.  I had been off meds before for small periods of time (days) and kinda knew what to expect, or at least i thought I did.  I went through the whole brain zaps and crying spells for the first 30 days and figured I was well on my way to recovery.  Boy was i wrong.  I wasn't prepared for what happened next.  I remember getting ready to have family over for a super bowl party (Super Bowl XLVII) and having this strange feeling in my chest... like there was a softball there.  I had a labored breathes and a hard time catching my breath.  I immediately went online to see what was happening to me and found that i was having a panic attack.  I tried sitting still with it and doing the suggestions online but nothing was working despite my best efforts.  I immediately went to the ER and got a prescription for klonopin.  When i took my klonopin and finally started to relax i started googling what on earth caused this to happen.  Thats when i found the paxilprogress site and found out what my real problem was.  I called my psychiatrist and assured me that it's not possible I'm going through withdrawal and that this is the old me returning.  I remember telling him that if this was the old me i wouldn't of made into my teens.  Of course it made no difference to him and I decided to not follow his advice anymore.

 

So, what do i do?  I started reading PaxilProgress topics and saying, "Yes that's me!" to my wife.  I had her read it in hopes that she'd confirm that this was indeed was wrong with me.  I hoped beyond hope that when i read those stories and people would say the healing depends, some people feel better after a year or so; that that would be me.  But it wasn't.  That first year for me was hell, I remember wanting to check myself into a psychiatric ward because i couldn't drink water, take a bath or get underneath the covers without having intense fear and anxiety.  I remember falling asleep and then having surges of anxiety shooting through me like a volcano to wake me up.  It was awful.  I'm so glad my wife was there to help me through it.  I'm not even sure how i got through the first year or two. 

 

It did slowly get better and what helped me be sane was one concept i took from this website and paxilprogress and that is the concept of waves and windows.  It gave me hope in my times of darkness that it would pass and afterwards i'd feel slightly better.  As it turns out, my pattern of recovery and crashes matched the waves and windows.  I  also remember reading a post from a guy who had been through the withdrawal process who said the process is kinda like a Rubik's cube. You shuffle around all the pieces until you get one in the right place and then go back to it again until you have 2 in place and so on and so on.  I truly truly find this to be the case with me in my recovery because even after 6 years in i still get extreme symptoms every now and again but i know that afterwards i'll have more pieces in place and i'll be slightly before than i was before.  I have a take on this concept to which is I look at baseline emotions/moods as a bar, which sat very very low when i got off meds, that after each big crash would get permanently shifted up a little .  And during my crashes, it would dip slightly below it's current position but when it came back up it would again be sitting a little higher than before.   I should also mention that slowly over the years those waves and windows did spread out.  And surprisingly throughout all that, my wife and i conceived a beautiful baby girl who is now 2 years old who means the world to me.  

 

Whew that was a lot.  I'm sure i'm leaving out pieces because i could go on forever about this process.  Maybe i'll come back and update this post as time goes with more insights as I look back.  Who knows.

 

But now to today.  Like i said before, it's been 6 years and for some reason I've had a huge setback that takes me back to year one times.  I have raging anxiety panic attacks that i can't deal with and haunt me daily which i haven't had in a very long time.  In the past 5 years or so i've been very adamant that I can't take any drugs that work on gaba or serotonin because that will lead to a dependency or something i will eventually have to withdrawal off of and i don't think i can do that again.  Well today has been exceptionally hard and the thoughts of waking up again to a surge of anxiety and trying to sit with it convinced me to take something.  I had been taking benadryl and tylenol the last few nights which had helped but i came to find on this website that antihistamines are what SSRI's were fashioned after.  So i knew i couldn't take benadryl anymore... So i kept lookin online and found Ashwagandha.  Out of desperation i took some and am now feeling incredibly guilty like i gave up because i was too weak... after all these years of pain i've gone through, to throw it all away today and take Ashwagandha.  Do you think this will set back my healing?  Have i failed?  I should also mention that i'm definitely in the middle of a wave and i had hoped to ride it out and be good but i wasn't able to this time... god forgive me.  I feel like an absolute failure.

 

Thanks for listening and putting out all this information.  It's the only thing i've found that's true and i'm just absolutely astonished how oblivious counselors and psychiatrists are to antidepressant withdrawal.  Thanks,. 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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JoshD,
 
Ashwaganda is no big deal.  You have not in any way failed.  Many members here take it or have taken it.  I tried it for anxiety but it didn't work for me (paradoxical effect).  Please Google SurvivingAntidepressants.org ashwaganda for others'  input.  We don't necessarily recommend it but we are very cautious about supplements and only recommend omegas and magnesium.
Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

 

 

Please research them first and only add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.
 
You are doing fine!  Congratulations for being 6 years off.
 
While you're here, to give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.
 
 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to JoshD: my Journey

Has anyone had experience with BIG waves 6 years into recovery?  This last week i was hit with a wave that was so bad that it reminded me of my first year.  It was so bad that i agian went back to psychology (with no help) because my anxiety/cortisol was through the roof and was constant.  Oddly enough i have a feeling this is related to the creatine i was taking.  For almost the last year or two i've been pretty symptom free and I was taking Creatine Monohydrate and D-Ribose for energy because I've been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis (1 month after my last paxil pill)... I wonder if that's why i'm going through this.  It appears that ATP (which is what creatine and d-ribose create) also synthesizes Dopamine.  I also read that Dopamine is highly correlated with cortisol which is what i think my main symptoms are (imo).  

 

Is it likely it's related to withdrawal or is it the creatine?  Like i said before I've been fairly symptom free for the past year or two with the occasional wave but those waves were not bad and very manageable where this one was a tsunami.  Anyone have any insight into this?  

 

Thanks for all everyone does here.  This information is invaluable and saves lives, at least mine as well.

 

P.S. - I should also mention that my symptoms today have finally calmed down.  Been roughly 7 days of intense fear/anxiety.  

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to JoshD: my journey
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Hi Josh and welcome from me too,

 

If the increase in symptoms coincides with something that we have done or taken then there is a possibility that it was the cause.

 

You might find reading this topic helpful.  It was written by one of the mods who is now 1+ years Paxil free after a 7(?) year taper.  He was a member of a previous website (now closed) and is familiar with the experiences of many psychiatric drug users over a long period of time.  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Hello ChessieCat,

 

Nice to meet you.  I appreciate the link.  I'm actually quite familiar with most of the info here because i held on to it so long in the beginning.  Overtime i learned to let go and engage in life but this recent wave has me back on my knees and looking for info.  That being said, have you heard of anyone who has had really bad waves 6 years out after a fast taper?  I looked at a lot of stories but haven't found one that matches.   Again, nice to meet you and i hope you're taper is going well or as well as one can.  

 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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Hi Josh and Welcome to SA,

I am withdrawing from the monster Paxil and began taking ashgawandha a few days ago.  I feel no more guilt about the ashgawandha than any other supplements I take.    I have been told ash. might take several weeks to become effective.  BTW I was a member of the  old pp website for many years as well.  Best wishes on your journey.

  

Hydrochlorothiazide 25 mg, Multi vit., Calcium, D3,  Magnesium, Fish Oil, Melatonin,  Ambien 3.3 mg 1 or 2X/mo.  Benadryl-seldom, .......2002 - eliminated alcohol

2002- Paxil - 20 mg (3 WD attempts: 2005, 2008, 2010)

2011 - 30 mg 

2018 - 40 mg- Sept to Nov} {Dec - 37.5}

Jan 2, 2019 - 35 mg

Jan 11 -  33.75 mg

Jan 28 - 32.5 mg

Feb 4 -  33.75 mg 

Mar 4 - 32 mg

Mar 30 - 30 mg

 

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1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

 

One of the posts in the above topic:  It doesn’t end at “0”

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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HI Gracee!  Best of luck in your taper.  I see you're doing a slow taper and i think that's a fantastic idea.  I hope that goes well for you. 

 

As far as ashgawandha goes, i just have a major fear of anything that might prolong/worsen my withdrawal journey.  I'm sure my fear is also fueled by the current wave i'm in :).  All that being said, I don't mean to discredit or make anyone feel bad about anything they take.  I just want people to be informed of the pros/cons of what they take... i guess because i don't feel like i was when i took Paxil and it's heartbreaking to see myself and other ssuffer as a result.  Best of luck to you and sending you many well wishes.

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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ChessieCat,

 

Thanks for that link.  I read it completely and found the piece i was looking for or the one that gave me peace/hope.  That line is:

"In some case’s WD will end over night with the opening of a final window.  But most of the time it slowly fades into the background and disappears unnoticed."
 

In the midst of a wave it's easy to think you're crazy or that what you're experiencing will go on forever.  For me, even knowing that I've gotten past similar waves and have come out the other end, it didn't seem to register when I'm in a wave.  All these what if's and fears do a pretty good job of convincing me that I'm crazy and this is just how it's going to be.. forever.  And it feels so true but it's not.  I have to try to remind myself not to be too harsh on myself if this happens because in almost all my waves i wasn't able to finally see that it wasn't true until things started to calm down.  I just need to slow down and do the best i can to know that this will indeed pass and that I'm ok regardless of what my mind/emotions are telling me. 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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The journey off psychiatric drugs is certainly strange and frustrating.  And becoming impatient seems to be part and parcel of it.  I've been tapering since October 2015, and I've been a mod for nearly 3 years now so I've read lots of member experiences, as well as experienced very bad withdrawal symptoms for 2 weeks when I reduced my Pristiq from 100mg to 50mg (which is when I searched and found SA).  My taper is going well with only mild withdrawal symptoms which sometimes increase due to sickness, stress (bad and good) and when I accidentally halved my dose for 5 days (went from 9.5mg to 4.5mg instead of 9mg, using the 0.5mg capsules instead of the 5mg).  Just before Christmas, a few days after picking up my new batch of capsules from the compounder, which will see me through until about September this year, I was taking 5mg and considered jumping off.  I am well aware that I've got another 2 years of tapering, and as I said I have read others' experiences.  I think we get to the point where we just want it over and done with.

 

You might find it helpful to read a couple of members' topics to see how they are coping with their own issues:

 

foxlink-introduction

 

eymen23-5-weeks-on-escitalopram-should-i-taper-off

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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@ChessieCat i completely understand wanting it to be over and done with.  I applaud you on doing the slow taper.  I pray that in doing so you're waves will be less and shorter and windows longer and more frequent.  Best of luck in your journey.

 

As for me, I'm still not doing very good.  It seems at night I get woken up every couple of hours with extreme fear and adrenaline.  I've tried taking a lot of different things and some of the coping skills like sitting with it, meditation.  Everynight i try so hard to get this fear and adrenaline to surge so I can try to cope with it and move on with my life.  Needless to say I haven't slept much in the past 10 days and haven't made much progress against the anxiety/fear monster.   I have to the tried and true anxiety coping techniques provide marginal relief at best and sometimes exacerbate things.  On that same note, I went to see a Stress and Anxiety management counselor and some of the solutions that they're asking me to do are seeming like too much to surmount.   They want to do exposure therapy which so far has seem to hurt me more than it's helped.  What are you thoughts on this during a major wave?

 

It hurts so much more for me because i know that two weeks ago i was a pretty well functioning adult.  I see my 2 year old daughter walking around and her asking me to play with her and it hurts so much because i can't connect with her atm because of all the fear and anxiety i'm going through.  I start crying uncontrollably and Atm i can barely function and i feel like i have failed.  In my counseling they tell me to face my fears and if you do that they'll dissipate but it doesn't seem to be working for me and it's fueling my feeling of despair.  I keep wondering if this'll pass or if it requires something of me to get through this. 

 

Thanks all for listening. 

 

 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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7 hours ago, JoshD said:

I went to see a Stress and Anxiety management counselor and some of the solutions that they're asking me to do are seeming like too much to surmount.   They want to do exposure therapy which so far has seem to hurt me more than it's helped.  What are you thoughts on this during a major wave?

 

Anything that adds stress, even good stress, can increase withdrawal symptoms, as can illness.  If it was me, I'd be stressing out before the exposure, so the exposure itself would be even worse.  I had a helicopter flying lesson for my birthday 15 months ago and even though I enjoyed it my withdrawal symptoms increased for a few weeks.  But at least I knew what it was so did not add second fear to it.

 

7 hours ago, JoshD said:

It seems at night I get woken up every couple of hours with extreme fear and adrenaline.

 

waking-with-panic-or-anxiety-managing-cortisol-spikes

 

what-is-the-sleep-cycle

 

tips-to-help-sleep-so-many-of-us-have-that-awful-withdrawal-insomnia

 

 

Q:  Do you take your magnesium in one dose?  It is better to spread it throughout the day.  You could try dividing it into 4 doses.  Magnesium

 

7 hours ago, JoshD said:

In my counseling they tell me to face my fears and if you do that they'll dissipate but it doesn't seem to be working for me and it's fueling my feeling of despair. 

 

Not many medical professionals understand psychiatric drug withdrawal.  Which is why this site exists.  Our nervous system has become sensitised and we need to be as calm and stress free as possible, not adding it.

 

Neuro Emotions

 

I'll add some additional information in the next 2 posts.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Here's some additional information which you might find helpful:

 

Recovery isn't linear it happens in a Windows and Waves Pattern

 

Withdrawal Normal Description


When we take a psychiatric drug, we are adding chemical/s to the brain.  The brain then has to change to adapt to getting the chemical/s.  It might have to change something to do with A and then once that change has been made it affects B so another change has to be made and so on down the line.  It is a chain reaction, a domino effect.

 

The same thing happens when we take the drug away.  That's why it's possible to experience such a vast array of withdrawal symptoms, and they can change, and be of different intensity.

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

These explain it really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

On 8/31/2011 at 5:28 AM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

AND

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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We strongly encourage members to learn and use non drug coping techniques to help get through discomfort and tough times.

 

Understanding what is happening helps us to not get caught up with the second fear, or fear of the fear.  This happens when we experience sensations in our body and because we don't understand them we are scared of them and then start to panic.

 

This document has a diagram of the body explaining what happens in the body when we become anxious:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AnxietySelfHelp.pdf

 

 

Audio FEMALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Audio MALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

Dr Claire Weekes suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping.  There are videos available on YouTube.

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

 
Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)
 
On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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On 1/25/2019 at 11:52 PM, Shep said:

try to bring in some calming techniques throughout the day. Breathing techniques can be very good for calming the overall nervous system. 

 

Set a reminder to do this, even if you don't feel that you need it at the time.  It gives the nervous system some down time.

 

And the more often you do it, the more it will become a habit and you will do it more automatically.  I've found that I notice sooner when my body is starting to tense up.  For example noticing that my shoulders have moved up and I'm not as relaxed, or when I'm driving I notice that my breathing is more shallow because I'm concentrating.

 

mindfulness-and-acceptance

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Hi ChessieCat,

 

Thanks for your responses.  I'm in a very very bad wave.  Almost as bad as year one.  I'm in pure survival mode and i'm trying to scrape through.  I felt so bad the other day i was calling treatment centers and talking to any psychologist on the phone that i could.  I actually went to see a psychiatrist and got prescribed meds (buspar and seroquel) because i want this to end!  I haven't taken the meds but i've been very very close.  After that 1st/2nd year of withdrawal that i will never ever take drugs again because i don't think i could survive going through that again.  I must've been lucky because for the next 4 years things never got that bad again but this wave.... it's as bad as year one. 

 

All that being said, trying to breathe creates anxiety for me.  Almost anything/everything i do causes fear and it's all around breathing and sleeping.  Those adrenal surges from sleeping are so bad that it's what's been prompting me to look for a pill solution.  I can't fight something when i'm sleeping.   It's been tough and, just like year one, i'm trying to find assurance that if i do survive this, it'll go away.

 

I'm having such a hard time because it has been 6 years out being totally drug free and to be dragged back to year one is... very disappointing.  Despite everything I've just said, i am trying as hard as i can to be positive.  Trying to do self talk but that fear and anxiety right now is so overwhelming.  I'm hoping it'll dissipate enough for my calming words and kindness to take hold.   I looked up the claire weekes stuff.

 

18 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Dr Claire Weekes suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping.  There are videos available on YouTube.

 

 

That's where the internet has been pointing me.  To try to allow the feelings to be there... as awful as they are, instead of trying to get rid of them or wrestle with them.  I must admit some days i'm able to do this and some i fight and fight and fight until i eventually give in but man... it hurts. 

 

Thanks for your post Chessiecat.  It's good to know that people are listening and caring.  On that same note, i'm so surprised there isn't any support meetings for antidepressant withdrawal.  I have a background in alcoholism so i'm familiar with AA and the like.  Seems odd there isn't more resources for what we're going through.

 

Sorry for the incoherent rant/post.

 

P.S. I know how bad those 2 meds are.  I'm well aware of the horrors of antidepressant withdrawal at this point.  I'm not going to take them... but it's tempting because I wish i truly believed that one day, and one day soon, this'll all will end and i'll be happy again.  I remember just the other day i was crumbled up on the stairs just crying my eyes out to my wife and telling her, "I just want 1 GOOD day.  Just one.  Haven't had one in a long time".   All this has taken a toll on the people around me.  I see it... This past week my 2yr old daughter has been commenting often that "Daddies crying.  Daddies sad".  boy that's tough.  Gotta keep trucking.  God help us heal!

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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2 funny side notes. 

 

1). When i saw the psychiatrist the other day and explained him my protracted withdrawal "theory" he just said... "huh, I've never heard of something lasting longer than a year".  He also mentioned that that's why he never prescribes anyone Paxil.  He also assured me Buspar and Seroquel have no addicting properties so.... no worry about withdrawal.  lol.  A 2 sec google search would say the opposite.

 

2).  Back during year one i remember buying a 3DS and playing Resident Evil Revelations on it.  The game took place on a boat and there was a lot of levels where you're swimming through water during a sunken boat section and having to quickly swim to a end point before you run out of oxygen.  I remember being freaked out by that game but kept going.  Now here I am 5 years later and I JUST bought the 2nd game to play with my brother and shortly after I get this wave.  I'm not saying they're related but wow.  Also, it's incredible how memories and are tied to emotions or vice/versa.  I remember EXACTLY how i felt.  Still playing the game though.  lol.

 

Thanks for reading :)

 

 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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Oh one last thing.  This wave has me feeling like i have to start over again.  I'm having to rebuild all my familiarities with people, places, things, feelings etc because everything is out of whack again.   I have to reassure myself that everything around me is ok and this is all still normal.

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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3 hours ago, JoshD said:

P.S. I know how bad those 2 meds are.  I'm well aware of the horrors of antidepressant withdrawal at this point.  I'm not going to take them... but it's tempting

 

If you have the drugs on hand and/or you have the script for these drugs, if your determined that you are not going to take them then I suggest that you get rid of them.

 

When we get desperate we can make bad decisions.

 

As Alto says, recovery is frustratingly slow.

 

Not many medical professionals know about and understand withdrawal syndrome.  It is now in the DSM-5.  When I mentioned this to my doctor recently he was surprised.  He is a man of about 60 and he's been practising for at least 36 years.  He is aware of withdrawal symptoms and knows that I am tapering by 10%, but does seem surprised at how long I plan to taper for.  When I made the comment that most people can probably get off ADs without much problem he shook his head and said "not many".

 

Altostrata founded this site in about 2011 because there was a lack of information.  This is the link to her story.  At the top of Post #1 is a link to a video:  ☼-about-altostrata-withdrawal-syndrome-since-2004

 

The medical profession get there information from the pharmaceutical companies:

 

Gwen Olsen was a drug representative for 15 years:

 

Manipulating Doctors (10 minutes)

 

We are trained to misinform (6 minutes)

 

Interview:  Confessions of an Rx Drug Pusher (51 minutes Gwen Olsen - ex pharmaceutical representative)

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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3 hours ago, JoshD said:

When i saw the psychiatrist the other day and explained him my protracted withdrawal "theory" he just said... "huh, I've never heard of something lasting longer than a year".  He also mentioned that that's why he never prescribes anyone Paxil.  He also assured me Buspar and Seroquel have no addicting properties so.... no worry about withdrawal.  lol.  A 2 sec google search would say the opposite.

 

I've added this to:  the-worst-of-doctors-threadstatements-that-defy-belief

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Hi ChessieCat,

 

This is very true.  I guess I view it as a lifeline.  I was getting suicidal and just the thought of something being able to give me relief makes me feel better.  But you're right i should throw them away.  

 

15 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

I appreciate this.  Didn't even know that section existed. 

 

As weird as this may seem, i feel bad for my psychiatrist because i genuinely think he means to help.  It's a sad world we live in.  :(

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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I think many medical professionals desire to help.  However they are indoctrinated by the pharmaceutical companies.  They don't spend much time with their patient.  Also, they are face to face so they are confronted with a patient's distress.  Their first response is the prescription.  I told my doctor, who had a trainee doctor in the surgery with him, that doctors are too quick to write a prescription and should be trying all other non drug methods before writing a script (for psychiatric drugs).

 

19 minutes ago, JoshD said:

This is very true.  I guess I view it as a lifeline.  I was getting suicidal and just the thought of something being able to give me relief makes me feel better.  But you're right i should throw them away. 

 

I suggest that you get another lifeline.  This might be a written list of things you can do/use when the going gets tough.  Instead of physically gathering the things together, you could write its location so you will be able to find it.  You could include DVD to watch, music/CD to listen to, book to look through, special place to go and sit.  It's hard when you are in the thick of it to think about these things.  You have a much bigger thought that is consuming you!  So that's why it's good to have the reminder.  You could even look at the list every morning just to remind yourself that you have a back up plan.

 

And I've been using the HALT acronym to ask myself why I'm feeling like I am.  Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.  And am I sick?

 

I bought a book "How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention" and the biggest take away I got from it was "it's just a feeling and feelings change".  Sometimes all we can do is get through it moment by moment.

 

The getselfhelp uk site has some really good things.  That's where I got the First Aid for Panic mp3s linked above.

 

Dealing with suicidal thoughts

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/SafetyPlan.pdf 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AlternativeThoughtsActions.pdf

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/CrisisManagementPlan.pdf

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

You could include DVD to watch, music/CD to listen to, book to look through, special place to go and sit. 

 

I think a lot of that stuff makes sense for normal people.  When I'm in a REALLY bad wave, they don't leave and just sit there for days which makes any coping tool that i can think of not very helpful.  I tend to play video games when i feel bad but i find i don't get any "relief" or enjoyment out of them when i'm really bad.  I should also mention that i don't normally have this bad of waves.  I've been at this for 6 years and most of them (after my 2nd or 3rd year) have just been minor and manageable.  This is the first one that I haven't been able to control and has made me spiral a good bit.

 

I did have some relief today for like an hour which was amazing.  Makes me hopeful that i might pull out of this yet.  It also makes me hopeful because i didn't necessarily have to "do" or "beat" anything for the healing to occur.  One of my biggest problems is that when i read about therapy and coping skills is that I feel like i can't feel better until i'm finished or "done" something to make me feel better.  Maybe this is true for people who aren't in withdrawal?  I dunno... i still struggle with that when i'm feeling bad.  Almost like i deserve it.  

 

I remember HALT!  That was something we talked about a lot when i was in A.A.  I'll try to remember too that feelings change.  Been hard to do since they haven't much but when they do i'm going to note it and write it down!  Than

 

I hope i'm not being too negative.  I'm just trying to be as honest as i can in the current state I'm in.  Thanks for your responses.  It's good to hear other peoples perspectives because i've found, especially in a wave, you can't always trust your own.  Take care ChessieCat!

 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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The key is to find ways to get through the difficult times.  Even if you don't actually do anything on a list, just having it there may be helpful.  Maybe write positive reminders and that you got through it before, and write down that you don't want to take drugs because they will probably make things worse.  When I was at my worst, I would wake up and just wish that it was night time again.  I spent days on end just hanging in and waiting for the time to pass.  I think it's good to acknowledge that you are feeling really bad (because it is a fact), telling yourself that it is okay and understandable that you feel awful and that you just need to do what you can until it passes.

 

You might find journaling helpful, getting your thoughts out of your head:  Journalling - Therapeutic Writing & Health Benefits

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

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 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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I tried a little bit of journaling last night.  Just writing down my fears of going to sleep.  I'm not sure it helped but who knows.   Maybe it all adds up to a little relief.  I might try writing down reminders too.  Stuff like how I felt before and that I've been here before and gotten through it.  Next time i get in a good space i need to put a "post in the ground", so to speak, to say that this is real and this is who i was before the withdrawal.  Speaking of which, I'm having a hard time remember how i was before.  It wasn't even that long ago!  Along those same lines, I start to wonder because of how long I've been off of meds. if this is just who i actually am.  If i was THIS anxiety ridden and emotionally bruised.  It's really hard to go back 10-20 yrs and remember how you were/felt.  There's too many things in the NOW that skew my vision of the past.  Ugh... It's very hard to separate what's real and what's neuro-emotions/thoughts when in a wave.  I should probably just let it go and try to focus on the now.  

 

Thanks for your posts ChessieCat.

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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7 hours ago, JoshD said:

I should probably just let it go and try to focus on the now.  

 

Yes.  And remember that even non-drugged people change over time.

 

7 hours ago, JoshD said:

Thanks for your posts ChessieCat.

 

You're welcome.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Just a quick update.  I'm noticing everynight when i try to sleep i get this intense fear/anxiety that comes in big bursts. Its the #1 symptom i have along with the other fun stuff in WD.  I've been trying to work through it with mediation but whenever it comes to relaxing my chest/stomach that fear/anxiety burst comes up again and i'm not able to let go of it.  I'm getting discouraged because i feel like my healing won't come until i'm able to conquer it but i can't get this mountain to move.  Anyone else experience this?  Also, do you think that regardless of me "overcoming" these feelings that i'll still get healing?  

 

I don't want to turn my back on this issue and have it grow but if time will heal it or move it to a more manageable state then maybe i hold off trying to tackling this until then?  Any thoughts or experience with this sort of thing?  

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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Hi Josh.  Saw your post on another thread and it led me to pop in here.  First, I'm sorry you're experiencing another bad wave after so long.  I wanted to mention that in my bad times during the last 3 month's in wd, one thing that has helped calm myself is listening to YouTube ASMR videos of scripture being read and discussed.  The voices are soft, soothing and the content is incredibly helpful for me when I'm afraid.  I know you've probably tried lots and lots of things, maybe even this. Two sites that have helped me are here and here.

 

Praying for your continued healing and that you find peace from this wave. 

1997 Prozac ?mg

1991 Sertraline ?mg

2002 Escitalopram 10 mg

2018 2.5 mg - stopped by Dr./Reinstated, up-dosed to 7.5 mg

04/19 Began BM slide @7.5 mg

CURRENT  0.36 mg 🌼

 

"If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

Mark 9:23

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On 2/22/2019 at 4:40 PM, JoshD said:

Anyone else experience this?  Also, do you think that regardless of me "overcoming" these feelings that i'll still get healing?  

 

I don't want to turn my back on this issue and have it grow but if time will heal it or move it to a more manageable state then maybe i hold off trying to tackling this until then?  Any thoughts or experience with this sort of thing?  

 

Hi Josh,

 

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing a wave of this intensity several years after stopping Paxil. 

 

You asked a really interesting question above and it’s something I’ve pondered over many times. 

 

My personal experience, is that the type of fear you describe can not be ‘overcome,’ however we can slowly learn to accept and embrace it. If we’re lucky, we can gently reduce our propensity towards this type of intense anxiety with long term relaxation techniques, but not totally eliminate it. Where it is withdrawal related, many find the anxiety can be particularly stubborn. 

 

Sometimes we develop fears and obsessions over a period of time, based on negative thinking patterns and life circumstances. This type of fear, has in my experience, tended to be much more responsive to the traditional anxiety reducing methods, such as CBT and mindfulness, in that the intensity and frequency of this external focused anxiety can often be significantly and reliably reduced. 

 

The fear you describe sounds more like an unexpected and unnecessary flare up of panic/terror. It does not appear to be occurring in response to an external stres or a perceived threat. It’s cropping up at times you’re winding down and your system should be calming, rather than firing up. From doing lots of reading here, I see that can be quite common when the nervous system is unstable, your body can react to normal stimuli and situations inappropriately. 

 

Based on my own experiences and from what I’ve learnt from others here, if this is truly withdrawal related, the episodes of anxiety should slowly pass as your nervous system regains stability and you recover from this wave. Unfortunately, that will leave you with some uncomfortable periods of anxiety, but as you mentioned working through it with meditation I’d like to suggest something.

 

Next time you experience this feeling, begin your meditation practice. Gently relax each muscle as best you can. Your natural instinct will be to fight the anxiety, so that whenever you feel it arising again and ‘bubbling up’, the mind and body tense up in attempt to push it away. 

 

Unfortunately, the feelings of anxiety will pick up and drop as they please, so whilst your muscles are as relaxed as possible, gently note ‘anxiety, you are welcome to last as long or as short as you like’. It will usually encourage greater levels of acceptance. Once the anxiety begins to bubble up and ‘spill over’ as it were, to the point it no longer feels ‘controllable’, gently note ‘anxiety’ in as calm and patient a tone as you can muster. Every couple of seconds, you can repeat this calm and patient mental note of ‘anxiety’. 

 

If you are able to, gently observe the intense anxious energy cursing through your body. Try to embrace it. If you can manage it, you can even try ‘loving’ the anxiety by wearing a half smile on your face and opening up to it, like an old friend. Feel the intense ripples of energy through your arms, legs, hands, feet, stomach, chest etc. Every so often repeat the calm mental note ‘anxiety’. 

 

This type of technique is the best I’ve used for episodes of intense emotion, but your mileage may vary. If practiced over time, it should help you embrace the anxiety and appreciate that although sometimes it can not be controlled, but nor does it have to be a cause of immense suffering. It is just the experience of this moment, an experience that shall pass. 

 

As time passes and you come out of this wave, the anxiety should naturally dissipate. No overcoming required, just patience and acceptance. 

 

Hope the above is helpful. 

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I can only provide information and make suggestions.

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Hi Eymen and mdwstrx!

 

Nice to meet you and thanks for your responses.  I truly appreciate your response.  It makes me tear up that someone would take the time to respond to a stranger.

 

@mdwstrx I have never thought of ASMR.  Might just be gentle enough and the content less scary.   I appreciate the links.  

 

@eymen23   I tried doing some of these tactics here like sitting with it and trying to invite it in but it never "felt" like it was working or that I actually wanted it to stay for as long as it pleases :) . I would literally wrestle with it for hours at night trying to let it come so i can befriend it so it'll leave and i can goto sleep.  Man those nights were tough. All that being said, you are right.  It's slowly getting better day by day and i think this morning i finally turned a corner and i think the real nasty stuff is over.  *fingers crossed* .

 

This is all so crazy to me because of how much it reminds me of year one and also how quickly I went from being a mostly functioning individual in WD (like a month ago) to almost being placed in a treatment facility and having to take a leave of absence from work.  its weird to say but over the last 2 years i got sort of used to my WD and the relatively small waves every month or so that would last a week and then return to my baseline.  it's funny too because i would start to recognize when they were coming on.  Like, i'd be sitting there watching a movie with my wife and i'd notice that something so insignificant in the movie would happen but my mind would take it to a really dark place.  Ex: i was watching "Clifford the Big Red Dog" with my daughter and there was a  dream sequence with one of the dogs and he had a little silhouette next to him and i remember just thinking, "Omg.  He's being forced to be there and i bet it's really scary.  What if he never snaps out of it and is stuck in that trance forever".  Just dumb stuff like that... now that i think of it... most of the fears i have with WD are usually around something uncomfortable lasting forever.  Like my brain/body isn't able to comprehend that all these things are temporarily uncomfortable are actually no big deal.  Like for instance drinking water... i was terrified of doing that this past week because I just couldn't comprehend that if i put the water down then i won't drown.  Sorry just spouting incoherent nonsense at this point. 

 

I am slowly getting better and I think i'll get through this it just hurt to happen so late in the game.  I gotta learn to crawl and then walk again but hopefully i'll come out better than before.  Thanks for taking the time to listen and you all keep doing what you're doing.  It gives me hope to know that someone else understand what i'm going through because literally NO ONE else does.  Hugs to all. Night.

 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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Hi All,

 

Just curious if anyone has had a big wave this many years out.   I read Aeroman's posts and now i'm a little concerned that his situation might be similar to mine.  Like 2 - 3 weeks leading up to this huge wave i was taking augmentin for bronchitis.  I tried to hold out as long as i could but i wasn't getting better and was basically forced to take it.  I was on it for about 5 or 6 days and while on it my stomach hurt constantly and i couldn't hold anything down... liquids or solids.  I ended up going to a little emergency clinic and they told me to stop taking the augmentin.  Then 2 weeks or so later i start getting the crazy dreams, cortisol surges and heart palpitations that remind me of my first year of recovery.  

 

Now, i'm not going to say that they are related but i'm racking my brain trying to figure how/what i did to have this big of a setback.  The only thing i can think of is the creatine and d-ribose supplements i was taking for fitness and fatigue.  Is it common for people this many years out to have a big wave like this?  Especially after 2 years of fairly solid/stable emotions?  This has been real tough and i feel like i'm back in it again.  In fact, i'm taking a leave of absence from work too. 

 

I know i will get through this and i also know that no matter what someone tells me about their situation (waves after a long period of stability) it won't affect mine but, sometimes it's good to hear though if only for hope's sake.  Thanks all.

 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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Hi, 

I had withdrawal symptoms, ( fatigue, muscle pains, anxiety, mild insomnia, brain fog ect,) four years after being completely off 20 mg citalopram, and while being stabilized all that time! 

 

So it doesn't seem to be that unusual. 

 

They lasted a couple of years on and off, and now for a year I am fine again! 

 

Take care 

Citalopram 20 mg

Mid June 1994- end March 1995 Then tapering 3 months 

Mid August 1995-end August 1996 Tapering 6 months 

Mid January 2000-end September 2001 Tapering 6 months

Mid October 2003-end October 2005 Tapering 7 years. 

More detailed drug history is here - ☼-kostas

Off any drug from October 2012 

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Hi Kostas,

 

I had a little bit of that too but nothing bad.  This wave seems similar to my first year.  Just seems weird after 6 years to get a big wave like this.  :(

 

Thanks for sharing Kostas and I hope you're doing well in your recovery!

 

 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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Hello Josh was just reading your posts . Are you sure it’s still withdrawal and not anxiety /depression. Read Paxil poop out website. Sounds similar to you the man CT off Paxil had two years of hell with side effects then  had six years free of medicines three of those with no symptoms from WD . Six years on he had depression/anxiety back and had to go back on meds but weened off . Didn’t stay in them . 

Does it feel like wd still with all the weird symptoms or does it feel like depression and anxiety ? 

Nov 2018 Pregabalin 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD. Aug 2019 2 x 25mg a day, April 2020 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg, June 2021 14mg, Jan 2022 14mg (2x7mg a day), Oct 10mg, Nov 5mg, December 25th 2022 0mg 🎈

 

Oct 2004 - Oct 2018 Paxil 20 mg, Nov 15mg, Dec 10mg,  Feb 2019 7.5mg crashed, Feb 8.5mg, Nov 8mg, March 2020 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, Dec 4.5mg, Jan 2021 4mg, Feb 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg, Oct 2.2mg, Nov 2mg, Dec 1.8mg, Feb 2022 1.6mg, March 1.4mg, April 1.2mg, May 1.0mg, June 0.8mg, July 0.6mg, Aug 0.4mg, Sep 0.2mg, October 6th 2022 0mg  🎈

 

December 25th 2022 drug free 

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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2 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Hello Josh was just reading your posts . Are you sure it’s still withdrawal and not anxiety /depression. Read Paxil poop out website. Sounds similar to you the man CT off Paxil had two years of hell with side effects then  had six years free of medicines three of those with no symptoms from WD . Six years on he had depression/anxiety back and had to go back on meds but weened off . Didn’t stay in them . 

Does it feel like wd still with all the weird symptoms or does it feel like depression and anxiety ? 

It’s a really good informative site Paxil Poopout

Nov 2018 Pregabalin 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD. Aug 2019 2 x 25mg a day, April 2020 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg, June 2021 14mg, Jan 2022 14mg (2x7mg a day), Oct 10mg, Nov 5mg, December 25th 2022 0mg 🎈

 

Oct 2004 - Oct 2018 Paxil 20 mg, Nov 15mg, Dec 10mg,  Feb 2019 7.5mg crashed, Feb 8.5mg, Nov 8mg, March 2020 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, Dec 4.5mg, Jan 2021 4mg, Feb 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg, Oct 2.2mg, Nov 2mg, Dec 1.8mg, Feb 2022 1.6mg, March 1.4mg, April 1.2mg, May 1.0mg, June 0.8mg, July 0.6mg, Aug 0.4mg, Sep 0.2mg, October 6th 2022 0mg  🎈

 

December 25th 2022 drug free 

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Hi @Longroadhome 

 

Wait so... I'm trying to reread what you wrote.  You said he was off Paxil and had 2 years of WD and then, with no meds, was pretty much WD free for 4 years and then got hit with huge depression/anxiety so bad that he had to go back on meds and then weened off again?

 

To be honest, that sounds very similar to me.  This wave has been so bad that i've been tempted to get back on meds just for relief because my symptoms have been so unbearable.  To answer your question though, it does feel like WD.  It feels similar to that first year... very similar.

 

The only reason i was able to get through the first 2 or 3 years of WD was because the stuff I read on here aligned with what i was going through (and it's been that way going forward too) that it gave me hope.  What's happening to me now though doesn't seem to match anyone else so it's making me feel a bit hopeless.  I also went and talked to my psychologist (to ask for a medical leave of absence) and i was shocked to find that they didn't want to give it to me because they thought that i am all those things i talked to them about.  I was just trying to be honest and tell them my symptoms but they think I have severe depression and anxiety and they worry I won't do well at home in a unstructured environment.  I tried telling them that it wouldn't matter where i was... these neuro-emotions don't care. I just don't need extra stress on top of it.  I don't blame them though, for not understanding what we're going through... it's defies human emotion/structure or even the rules of god.  

 

It just hurts... to know i shared my innermost soul and issues with this person and then to have them kind of brush it off just.. well. hurt.

 

Anywho... sorry for that ramble/self pity dump.  I'll check out the Paxil Poopout site.  Also, i hope i didn't misunderstand your post.  Thanks for responding to my post too. it means a lot to me.

 

 

 

 

Paxil 40mg - 14 years starting 1999.  Last dose of paxil was January 2013.  2017-2019 fish oil, KAL magnesium glycinate 400 and Melatonin 1mg, Creatine Monohydrate 5mg, D-Ribose 500mg.  Just recently during a big crash i have taken Tylenol and Benadryl to reduce anxiety. Also tried Ashgawandha

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