Paisley: more hopeful hero/survivor, after 2 years of slow withdrawal

February 14, 2019

Nothing much to say except that I don't know what is worse: the hell of meds or the hell of me. A month off a very slow withdrawal from latuda, and a crash back into what got me onto antipsychotics in the first place. Life is overrated. When I hear someone died on the news, I feel envious. I am so disheartened. I am not going to put up with this forever. Things were going really well for a while, but I will not put up with this hell.

Here are the meds I was on. I am off all except lithium and lamictal.

Bupropion Depakote Abilify Ativan Ambien Celexa Lamictal Clozapine BuSpar Lunesta Cymbalta Lithium Clozaril Clonazepam Effexor Neurontin Geodon Diazapin Elavil Valproate Haldol Gabapentin Imiprex Latuda Klonopin Paxil Moban Librium Remeron Navane Propranolol Serzone Promethazine Visteril Sinequon Rexulti Tofranil Risperidol Trazadone Saphris Seroquil Stelazine Thorazine Trilaphon Zyprexa

February 14, 2019

Hi Paisley and welcome to SA,

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. Once we get the detailed information about your drug history we will be better able to offer suggestions which might help you to feel better than you currently do.

To help us to be able to help you we need you to create your drug signature.

Keep it simple. NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

This is your own introductions topic where your can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

February 14, 2019

Dear Paisley,

Welcome to our community. If you don't mind, I have a question for you about something you wrote. You said things were going really well for a while. Can I ask what was going on in your life when things were good?

If you don't mind, I'd also like to know if you feel the same as you did before going on the antipsychotics. Or do you feel better now? Or do you feel worse now? I know they're potentially annoying questions, but I just wonder if there's any way to distinguish between your original mental health versus withdrawal. You said you crashed back into what got you on antipsychotics in the first place, so that's why I'm asking. I hope you don't mind.

February 14, 2019

Welcome, Paisley.

16 hours ago, Paisley said:

A month off a very slow withdrawal from latuda, and a crash back into what got me onto antipsychotics in the first place.

What is that condition that got you onto antipsychotics in the first place?

I see you've been on most of the psychiatric drugs in the dictionary. I presume that nothing worked? What about Latuda? What symptoms were you and your doctors chasing?

How did you go off Latuda?

March 6, 2019

Hi -- I have had a lot of mental problems from trauma, and between about 2011 and 2017 have been unbearable flashbacks, anxiety, paranoia, suicidality, unable to function, trouble with reality, voices, really a lot of things. Nothing worked. A month off of Latuda and the flashbacks came back for a few days. I don't know if it's related to withdrawal or not. Ironically, I had a big high powered career with a few head problems, and then with more and more meds, everything went to hell. I have been cutting meds slowly on my own.

I took about a year getting off Latuda, just tiny cuts in the amount I took, but my last tiny amount was January. I'm pretty cautious and had no bad withdrawal effects until a month after my last dose. ,

March 6, 2019

Dear WiggleIt --

Thanks for writing. You won't believe what got me better!!! I was in a very abusive-alcoholic relationship, lost my job (which was a lot of my identity), overmedicated. I just packed up my car and moved to a cute town in New Mexico. Joined a support group for alcoholic families, got a good therapist, and followed my gut. Slowly cut down meds. I feel better than every year of my life except one really good one long ago! I do not work. I learned to weave tiny tapestries, and got a basset hound. Go to lots of art things. The first year was very hard, and I spent a lot of my time sitting quietly in my place and petting my dog and watching murder-she-wrote. But slowly I would ... go to an art museum ... work with my writing group ... do what made me feel less bad. I wish this simple solution would work for EVERYBODY. But alas, we all have to find our own paths.

I think I will need to find a way to deal with my flashbacks, which are not common but ferocious. I may ask my doctor for 2 days of Haldol which gets me back on track so gently, but it's a med, so I am hesitant. But if it were only a few times a year for 2 days ... that seems safe to me. What do you think?

March 6, 2019

58 minutes ago, Paisley said:

Dear WiggleIt --

Thanks for writing. You won't believe what got me better!!! I was in a very abusive-alcoholic relationship, lost my job (which was a lot of my identity), overmedicated. I just packed up my car and moved to a cute town in New Mexico. Joined a support group for alcoholic families, got a good therapist, and followed my gut. Slowly cut down meds. I feel better than every year of my life except one really good one long ago! I do not work. I learned to weave tiny tapestries, and got a basset hound. Go to lots of art things. The first year was very hard, and I spent a lot of my time sitting quietly in my place and petting my dog and watching murder-she-wrote. But slowly I would ... go to an art museum ... work with my writing group ... do what made me feel less bad. I wish this simple solution would work for EVERYBODY. But alas, we all have to find our own paths.

I think I will need to find a way to deal with my flashbacks, which are not common but ferocious. I may ask my doctor for 2 days of Haldol which gets me back on track so gently, but it's a med, so I am hesitant. But if it were only a few times a year for 2 days ... that seems safe to me. What do you think?

Hi Paisley, Nearly 12 years ago, I relocated from the northeast to New Mexico which truly is The Land of Enchantment. Best decision I ever made. Wishing you success on your journey.

G.

March 19, 2019

Hello -- I have rare symptoms, maybe they would be called flashbacks, idk, about 3 times a year. They are really intense, with lots of talking in my head and visions in my mind's eye. They last about 3 days, a truly horrible 3 days. Then I'm fine again.

I am looking for a way of handling this without pharmaceuticals, but somehow making these rare days less horrible. I can't do medical CBD. Would love to hear from others with suggestions on managing phenomena that resurface occasionally.

March 19, 2019

Amongst members of SA, that's types of symptoms are not rare.

And yes, it is best if we learn non drug ways to cope with the symptoms. Knowing that it is a withdrawal symptom and that other members experience the same thing can help make it less scary when it happens. Finding things to distract your thoughts may help. The thoughts will probably still be there in the background, but if you use AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float (described at the bottom of this post) then they will hopefully not be as intrusive and will gradually fade and stop.

intrusiverepetitive-thoughts-rumination-and-increased-panic

ocd-obsessive-thoughts-compulsive-behaviors

intrusive-repetitive-song-symptom-or-ear-worms

Acceptance

distraction

We strongly encourage members to learn and use non drug coping techniques to help get through discomfort and tough times.

Understanding what is happening helps us to not get caught up with the second fear, or fear of the fear. This happens when we experience sensations in our body and because we don't understand them we are scared of them and then start to panic.

This document has a diagram of the body explaining what happens in the body when we become anxious:

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AnxietySelfHelp.pdf

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

Audio FEMALE VOICE: First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

Audio MALE VOICE: First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

Non-drug techniques to cope

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

Dr Claire Weekes suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping. There are videos available on YouTube.

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

Audio: How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

CBT Course: An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

Resources: Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg: Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float. It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety. The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain. Making it so there is nothing we can do about them. They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like. They do, however, react very well to being ignored. That's the concept behind AAF. Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them. Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can. It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets. What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest. At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them. After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them. So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work. I hope you give it a try.

March 19, 2019

When I get thoughts from the past which make me feel guilty or are distressing I remind myself that I have already dealt with it, if I actually have, and that it is in the past and that I ~~can~~ can't do anything to change it so to continue dwelling on it is not going to make any difference. If it something which I haven't dealt with and I am not currently in a position to do anything about it, I tell myself that it will have to wait until I am feeling a bit better and I will deal with it when I am able to.

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

neuro-emotions

Edited March 21, 2019 by ChessieCat
correction

March 20, 2019

Thanks ChessieCat -- those are good ideas, and I'm making my way through your list of resources. I am trying to get into a system of strategies so I have them at my disposal when the awful-awful happens. In some ways, it feels like going back to the 80s before meds were widely used with me, and hoping these "tricks" work better than they did then. But the tricks have come a long way since then. I was over-medicated, but in my case, there is definitely something wrong with my brain that I got on these meds in the first place. Now to find out how to deal with it. It's a hard balance, but waiting it out may be the best that can be done now. The thought that it will go on forever is unbearable, and I have sworn to myself that if it ever does seem to be going on forever again, I won't put up with it. Thx for the suggestions ... I'll keep on looking.

December 13, 2019

lithium going REALLY slowly

I'm micro-tapering lithium, and feeling kind of wimpy about it. I've tapered several drugs before, even paxil, with less trouble. I'd like to hear if having this much trouble is normal with lithium. I'm finding it very hard to get good info lithium-specific.

,

When I tapered 5%/6-8 weeks with water titration, I would have difficult, sometimes psychotic experiences that were unusual for me. I did have psychosis as a side effect of other psych meds, sooo ... I think it's med related. It got to the point where slow, slow tapering was becoming life-threatening. Now I am using a scale and cutting 1 mcg/every week or two and have no adverse effects at all. I'm down to about 220/day.

I've also read in several places that some people's lithium levels are so low that they must always have a lithium supplement. I hesitate to believe that without studies/evidence. Has anyone else encountered this issue?

I have added magnesium, sunshine, and many other things over the last 3 years of tapering in general. I'm hesitant to try fish oil because I find the taste of fish revolting. Do they have any fishy taste/aftertaste at all? Even a tiny taste I could not bear.

I guess there's no race here, and if it takes a long time to do this in a relatively painless matter, but if anyone else has found techniques to handle the psychosis in faster withdrawal, I'd like to know. I may be moving to another country in the next year, and it would be more convenient to have this process completed ... but will live with what must be.

Edited December 16, 2019 by manymoretodays
added title after moving from tapering

December 16, 2019

Hi Paisley, @Paisley and welcome back,

I found the above post in tapering and went ahead and moved it back here, to your introduction topic. We like it when members information is all in one place.

So now I can read above and see that you finished tapering Latuda in 2019 January, as well as some of your other concerns since you joined.

And good, excellent, to be going really slowly with your Lithium taper now.

This is our topic on Lithium tapering: Tips for tapering off lithium

If you go to the third post down in that topic you'll find more on Lithium specifics

And on the fish oil/omega 3's........I keep my capsules in the freezer, and slowly worked myself up in dosage with them. That way there is no smell factor to deal with and it seemed to limit the fishy "farts or gas" for me as well. Here's our topic: King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids(fish oil)

How long have you been on the Lithium now? And how is it labeled or what type are you working with?

Have you had any recent Lithium levels, thyroid levels, general electrolytes, or renal(kidney) functioning blood tests done?

And I see you are on synthroid. Did your thyroid problems get identified after you were on Lithium for awhile?

And oh my, I do not think you are a "wimp". I think that you are a super survivalist.......my gosh, after reading through some of what you've shared.

On 12/13/2019 at 12:44 PM, Paisley said:

When I tapered 5%/6-8 weeks with water titration, I would have difficult, sometimes psychotic experiences that were unusual for me. I did have psychosis as a side effect of other psych meds, sooo ... I think it's med related. It got to the point where slow, slow tapering was becoming life-threatening. Now I am using a scale and cutting 1 mcg/every week or two and have no adverse effects at all. I'm down to about 220/day.

I've also read in several places that some people's lithium levels are so low that they must always have a lithium supplement. I hesitate to believe that without studies/evidence. Has anyone else encountered this issue?

You've come a long way down from the 600 mg that is listed in your signature. Signature information and directions on updating/editing here

Excellent!

What kind of scale are you using with this Lithium taper? So glad that adverse effects are non existent.

I've never heard that about people's lithium levels.

How are you doing with the "psychotic" or even "post trauma" experiences, some of which you described in previous posts? Any idea of frequency in the past 6 months?

Oh Paisley, great to have you back, hope we all can further help with your efforts with tapering and coping.

Love, peace, healing, and growth

Edited December 16, 2019 by manymoretodays
added @ so member will find

December 16, 2019

Thank you so, so much for your response. I forgot there was that Lithium info, and actually wasn't able to find anything on lithium when I searched -- will revisit the search procedures.

My lithium withdrawal seems to be pretty unusual with psychotic things (flashbacks), at least from what others reported. I wish I knew why it affected me so strongly at the 5% taper. I feel encouraged by your response, that even if I'm going slowly, I'm still going, and that's ok. I have been on lithium for probably 18 years. Thyroid problems from that, regular T level tests, electrolytes ok, I'm not sure if my renal levels have been checked but I would guess probably ... my GP is excellent. Will ask in Feb.

I know I still have 2 left to taper, but I feel like a completely new person. I have been in pretty intense trauma counseling, IFS (Internal Family Systems), and can see how incredibly ridiculous it was to have been put on those meds in the first place with my lifetime of trauma. Or be given over ten years of CBT. I discounted my childhood trauma since I wasn't hit much or sexually assaulted until I was 14, which I figured was old enough to be able to handle it. I still have these flashbacks (not sure if psychotic is the right word for a flashback). But they are getting less frequent. I did decide to go with 5 mg haldol + 2 mg ativan and I'm better in 36 hours. About 3 times this year. It shortens the suffering by months of recovery time from the intense flashback. Plus I'm so death-obsessed during them, I think I might act on that, which should be avoided. I think taking 3 haldol a year in order to maintain living is ok for me. I'm hoping they get less and less frequent and intense.

I've read that there are "normal" lithium (T) levels, and lithium is more like a supplement than a drug. Ha! How did they figure their baseline? How do they document what normal levels are? Do they give new people these tests to determine whether they need lithium? No. So I'm suspicious. But ... there is sometimes a kernel of truth in a pack of lies, so I'm trying to find more on the topic.

I just have a jeweler's scale I got from AliExpress, and it works just fine. I was able to teach again this semester, and enjoy life a lot. It was wonderful to enjoy life again, actually feeling re-birthed. They don't need my class next semester. So I'm looking into teaching in Eastern Europe again. Really, I have to be a success story as far as that goes, even though I'm not completely done. I tried everything EVERYTHING to get well. I am sad for people who for one reason or another can't, and there is no clear path to take. All very individual.

Thank you so much again for your warm response. Dealing with trauma was really the key for me -- the puzzle pieces I had been staring at for years finally fit together. I appreciate your checking out where I came from.

December 16, 2019

Are the flashbacks related to your menstrual cycle?

What drugs are you taking now, at what times of day and what dosages? Do you ever accidentally skip dosages?

On 12/13/2019 at 11:44 AM, Paisley said:

I've also read in several places that some people's lithium levels are so low that they must always have a lithium supplement. I hesitate to believe that without studies/evidence. Has anyone else encountered this issue?

I have never heard this. There's a theory that in areas where more lithium is present in the groundwater, there's less "depression" but I suspect that's folklore. It's possible your drinking water in NM is higher in lithium.

There are microdose lithium supplements sold over the counter for those who believe a little lithium is good for you (danger of taking too much and organ damage, just like prescribed lithium).

I keep my fish oil in fridge and never tasted any fishiness.

December 17, 2019

No periods any more, and always take drugs on time (lithium, lamictal & vitamins), same time in a.m. Those things would have been easier to manage. At this point, despite not being able to find a clear link between flashbacks and 5% cuts, I plan on going slow-slow-slow because the flashbacks are so, so bad.

Yeah, we even have lithium natural spas here in NM, but I've never been. There seems to be less depression here, but it's a pretty calm, rural area, and that's probably the more likely reason. People swear they feel euphoric when they get out of the spa. They should try 18 years of it. There is so much bad information out there (re: lithium).

I'm hoping to move to Europe for a year starting next summer, and would have preferred to be off everything so I don't have to mess with doctors there. I may have enough supply to make a year there.

December 27, 2019

Hi Paisley,

If you could, please do a bit of any update to your signature, the portion you'll see below your posts(and mine) when signed in. If you could just add some dates, with the year and month. And for example you could add on in with the Lithium, when you started your taper, and your present dose, with year and date.

Signature link with Account Settings link and further information on doing this

Make a note of the Haldol and Ativan combination briefly too, with doses, and approximate dates, and that it is prn(as neccessary).

Maybe someday........you'll be free of the really tough experiences too, so glad that they seem to be lessened and you've manged control over them, and just continue to thrive, thrive, thrive! It's heartwarming.

I'm hoping that you will stop in and keep us updated. As well as ask for input, with your final tapers. You may decide to stretch it all to longer than just one year. Really important to listen to your body and mind, and even spirit while tapering off.

I'll leave here a couple of links that you can pursue, that really do apply across the board, for most of the psych drugs, as far as harm reduction with WD(withdrawing, withdrawal).

We recommend that a person taper by no more than 10% of their current dose with at least a four week hold in-between decreases. The 10% taper recommendation is a harm reduction approach to going off psychiatric drugs. And often, once getting to lower dosages, many find reducing by even less than that helps to maintain best functioning.

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

What is withdrawal syndrome?

Brain Remodeling

Basically, when we take medications/drugs, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur. And sleep is really important during withdrawal. Hopefully you've been sleeping fair to well thus far.

Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

You may have seen some of this stuff already, and it should prove helpful, in coping, just knowing that that it's WD, and not something new and that many others, here and elsewhere, go through some of what you do along the way.

I am.....quite pumped.......at your........management to date. And I agree. You are already a success. You can, of course, continue checking in, even from Eastern Europe, and do ask for help when you feel like you need it, with managing tapering and/or symptoms. We do have a Lamictal tapering topic too, when you are ready. And my favorite search method when looking for stuff here is: a search from my main browser: and I just quickly type in survivingantidepressants.org followed by the topic of interest.

On 12/13/2019 at 12:44 PM, Paisley said:

I guess there's no race here, and if it takes a long time to do this in a relatively painless matter, but if anyone else has found techniques to handle the psychosis in faster withdrawal, I'd like to know. I may be moving to another country in the next year, and it would be more convenient to have this process completed ... but will live with what must be.

I've been wanting to get back to this ^ with some comments too. The psychosis/flashbacks experiences.

.......So, next post, as this one has gotten long. You've got a good package of links of things to practice too, from ChessieCat, in a post above, that can truly help with fears or anxiety. I'll just get you some that may offer help, when the really intense flashback/psychosis stuff starts rearing up again.

Definitely not a race Paisley. Many just get to lower dosages(lower side effects too) and stretch it over many years before the final goodbye to nasty drugs. That can work really well.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited December 29, 2019 by manymoretodays
elaboration, p.s. removed, added to more recent post

December 29, 2019

Okie doke. Hi again Paisley,

Here's what I've got gathered around hearing voices/ post trauma flashback experiences. I don't like the psych terms.

We have this topic on Alternatives for psychotic outbreaks

Will Hall comes to mind too. Just google that name and find some of the talks about their experiences. There are videos, on you tube and I believe you can find some of Will's written work as well. Pretty inspirational.

Also:

Not every case of hearing voices requires drug treatment. Please look at Hearing Voices Network

Intervoice: The International Hearing Voices Network

The Icarus Project: Navigating The Space Between Brilliance & Madness

and Will Hall: Consulting, Counseling, and Training Alternatives

Also see

Hearing voices? Don't assume that means schizophrenia

Hearing Voices: Not Always a Sign of Mental Illness

When Hearing Voices Is a Good Thing

Some of these may or may not apply so.......take what you need, leave the rest. Especially ignore the S word label.

All my best, and keep us updated, stay in touch here, share on back too, if you find any good stuff via internet, some of mine is getting outdated and needs adding to.

Thanks.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

p.s. altered your topic title a bit too. I can change it back if you'd like.....it was previously "so hopeless after 2 years of slow withdrawal".

Edited December 29, 2019 by manymoretodays
p.s. added

December 29, 2019

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I have updated the profile on the bottom (it should be up to date now). (Later edit: I did update it, but I see it is still coming up the old way. Hmmmm. Will keep trying.)

I *have* seen the Will Hall stuff before and it is wonderful. Will Hall was the first I'd ever heard about psych meds being a big crock. Been in touch with the Hearing Voices Mvmt and am on Icarus and Intervoice lists. I'm wondering if what I experience isn't what Pete Walker (CPTSD) called Emotional Flashbacks. It's when you are stuck in the mental-emotional moment of a prior time. From what I've seen from other CPTSD people, whatever this experience is, it's not like other psychoses -- not exactly like voices, not really hallucinations, but definitely has a different way of perceiving reality from others (delusional). It is like being taken over by someone else. Tunnel vision. Sometimes paranoid, not always. Circles in the mind not going anywhere. You could even call it dissociative in that I am not myself at all. So that points (to me) toward trauma and emotional flashbacks. None of this is important except I want to use techniques that have shown by other people to work for what I'm experiencing. (I hate all these terms, too, but it's all I've got that will be understood.)

The advice of Hearing Voices was really helpful when this was happening constantly, a couple years back -- not to get attached or afraid that you're losing it. Recently I can short-circuit it if it comes on slowly, with the many strategies I have found. But sometimes it's sudden and life-threatening, and none of my strategies make a dent in it. I'm hoping as I get more healed from trauma these will become less and less frequent/intense. I have very mixed feelings about using haldol 3-4 times a year, but it's the best I can do right now and remain alive. The (rare now) death obsession is scarier because I'm more capable of acting on it than I was when I was a zombie.

I looked at the Alternatives page, and will see if anything fits. I'm not spiritual or religious, and have a hard time believing there is anything larger involved in this since I don't believe that anything larger even exists.

I don't really care for food (little senses of taste or smell), and spend no time on it beyond what's needed to keep my stomach from complaining. It's hard to commit to eating better because of the huge time/finances commitments involved with that. I know that's the next step, but not one I'm excited about at all. But I use other very unappealing things that end up helping. I'm good at forcing myself to do what I don't want to do, but food is a big hurdle. I will again force myself ... but definitely not looking forward to all the time & money involved.

Topic change is good ...

k

Edited December 29, 2019 by manymoretodays
realize my profile edit is not showing up properly. And no edit done mmt, wanted just to quote parts.

December 29, 2019

28 minutes ago, Paisley said:

I'm wondering if what I experience isn't what Pete Walker (CPTSD) called Emotional Flashbacks. It's when you are stuck in the mental-emotional moment of a prior time. From what I've seen from other CPTSD people, whatever this experience is, it's not like other psychoses -- not exactly like voices, not really hallucinations, but definitely has a different way of perceiving reality from others (delusional). It is like being taken over by someone else. Tunnel vision. Sometimes paranoid, not always. Circles in the mind not going anywhere. You could even call it dissociative in that I am not myself at all.

29 minutes ago, Paisley said:

I looked at the Alternatives page, and will see if anything fits. I'm not spiritual or religious, and have a hard time believing there is anything larger involved in this since I don't believe that anything larger even exists.

Yup. Can relate. I call it PTS, no disorder, just is. Sometimes, as far as what I experience, when stressed........seems to relate to some social/relational glitch. Might have been present before drugs/meds with me. I mean I had a long run with psychiatry. I think it's workable though, definitely survivable, and even thrivable. Maybe in my case, even something on some spectrum, that exists.......who knows why.

Spiritual quests are inherent, in each of us, to some extent........well, I think so. How about the the "Great Mystery"? And it's an inside/outside thing too. Intuition. Okay.....like I said, take what you need, as far as my own relating to your experience...........leave the rest.

37 minutes ago, Paisley said:

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I have updated the profile on the bottom (it should be up to date now). (Later edit: I did update it, but I see it is still coming up the old way. Hmmmm. Will keep trying.)

Thank you for your thoughts as well. Make sure and hit the SAVE button at the bottom after updating/editing. If that fails, if you can copy the changes you want, here, I can get it in.

Have you started the job search yet.....for Eastern Europe?

Best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

December 29, 2019

16 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Walker's book is pretty good, and only $7-8. I also had weird experiences as a kid. A lot of what you say is in Walker's book -- some people put on spectrum because of social/relational adaptations to trauma. So ... your figuring it out independently kind of confirms that there's something there.

Yup. Can relate. I call it PTS, no disorder, just is. Sometimes, as far as what I experience, when stressed........seems to relate to some social/relational glitch. Might have been present before drugs/meds with me. I mean I had a long run with psychiatry. I think it's workable though, definitely survivable, and even thrivable. Maybe in my case, even something on some spectrum, that exists.......who knows why.

Spiritual quests are inherent, in each of us, to some extent........well, I think so. How about the the "Great Mystery"? And it's an inside/outside thing too. Intuition. Okay.....like I said, take what you need, as far as my own relating to your experience...........leave the rest.

16 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

idk. I very much relate to gut instinct ... intuition ... love Jung so much and the collective unconscious, fairy tale archetypes. But I think it's more cultural memory than an outside force. Was raised in a type of cult, and that's as far as I can go with it. I have always been an empiricist and can't take much on faith, have trouble with those things. I was adopted, and wonder if I was just not constitutionally compatible with the family I ended up in!

Happily job searching in Slovakia (former Czechoslovakia), and brushing up my Slovak. I taught there for a year soon after the wall came down. The school where I taught is still going, and there seem to be several even better options ... perhaps Prague, but would have to learn Czech then. My biggest problem will be letters -- I left my university when I was over-medicated and in DV, a real mess, and worked there with a LOT of jerks that are not appropriate for a letter. I have one really good friend from then. Need 3 letters. But ... will figure it out. Somehow. Thanks for asking & remembering! I fear it's unrealistic to think that someone who was as sick as I was could do this, but ... I'm doing it anyway.

December 29, 2019

And here is my new bio -- it seems properly stored in my profile, and the new one was saved just not showing up here -- can't figure it out.

Currently tapering Lithium which I've been on for about 17 years. At about 300 mg cap + half of another mg Dec 2019. Normal dose was 900. About 600 for the past 3 years. Currently micro tapering 1 mcg/week with jeweler's scale, started 3/2019, and hopefully finished in 2020. Cannot give exact mg now because, of course, the 300 mg cap doesn't actually weight 300 mg because of additives, but I empty the contents of a capsule on a scale and take 1 mcg less every week.. 5% withdrawal from lithium was *way* too much (gave me flashbacks), and so started micro tapering which stopped flashbacks with cuts. Water method did not work -- not specific or micro enough -- weighing is much better for lithium for me.

Ativan .5 mg prn (take 1 mg about 2-3 times a month). Haldol 5 mg with 2 mg ativan about 3 or 4 times a year for extreme flashbacks.

Lamictal 100 mg currently, will start withdrawal when finished lithium.

Paxil 10 mg, completed withdrawal 3/2019 after being on 20+ years. Latuda 20 mg, completed withdrawal 2018. Cymbalta 60 mg, completed withdrawal 2017. Lithium has been the most difficult withdrawal.

Magnesium, vit d, multivitamins.

Before 2017 (most between 2009-2016): About 42 antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics. Started about 1993. Happy to provide complete list. Those were sudden withdrawals from doctor's orders and before I heard about slow tapering.

Not medical professional -- background and comments provided only for anecdotal purposes.

December 29, 2019

Alrighty then. That's it. The profile is confidential and different from the signature. Easy enough to confuse the two.

The signature is the portion seen below members posts, with the exception of some Iphones and Androids.

Can you see my signature below my post from the device you use?

And so......you can still update/edit your signature from any device. Go to: Account Settings > signature( tic or click that, it's on the left on my desktop computer)> and then just add in some dates, and more details.

Keep it to 12 lines or less, you are using 11 lines now. Here's what I see now in your signature. And suggests in this color.

Past 2 years: could leave this line out

Lithium 600 mg something here about since, 2012, then a date, year, month spelled out, and subsequent changes, with date, all in one line

Ativan prn (take .5 or 1 mg about 2-3 times a month)just note if current and monthly, with 2019. You could add in to this line the Haldol, ativan combo prn, 3X/year perhaps

Lamictal 100 mg currently dates, any changes and dates

diphenhydramine 75 mg prn(as needed), ? frequency, date

synthroid 131 mcg when started approximately, date

propranolol 60 mg how often, date or dates

Paxil 10 mg (now off)date off

Latuda 20 mg (now off)date off

Cymbalta 60 mg (now off)date off

Before that: 35+ antipsychotics, neuroleptics and antidepressants, list available

(my signature is still over 12 lines, I think because I initially did it in 2015, it was a later system change that limited lines, and oh yah, mine needs an overhaul)

dates can be approximate, and maybe if you recall, date started- off on such and such a date

Thank you Paisley.

Paisley: more hopeful hero/survivor, after 2 years of slow withdrawal

Recommended Posts

Paisley

Link to comment

ChessieCat

Link to comment

WiggleIt

Link to comment

Altostrata

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

Gracee

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

ChessieCat

Link to comment

ChessieCat

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

manymoretodays

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

Altostrata

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

manymoretodays

Link to comment

manymoretodays

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

manymoretodays

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

Paisley

Link to comment

manymoretodays

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

Create an account

Sign in

Browse

Activity

Important Information