☼ getofflex: weaning of Lexapro

[getofflex]

Thanks for your input and time, Brass Monkey.  I had another pretty bad night 2 nights later.  I discovered from my daily journal - too much salt!  I had made a rice pilaf that was WAY too salty, but I still ate it.  I'd had something salty for lunch, too.  I went and checked my journal, and found a high positive correlation between insomnia and eating salty foods.  I like my food well seasoned.  But it's not worth being up all night.  So I cut back on the salt, and am symptoms free and sleeping well since then.  I've researched it, and evidently high sodium causes high blood pressure (which I knew), but also high heart rate, and this interferes with sleep.  My blood pressure has always been very good, so I never thought salt would cause me problems.  

 

This weekend will be 5 week since my last reduction. If the rest of the week goes OK, I'll drop from 0.02 mg to 0.01 mg.  

 

 

[getofflex]

I don't feel like I'm able to get really good and stable yet, even thought it's been over 6 weeks since a reduction.  I've had sleep issues off and on this past 1.5 weeks, and lots of hot flashes, and neuroemotions, and some anxiety at times.  I've been dealing with stress from my 19 year old son coming home for spring break.  When he is home, it changes my schedule, and I have a harder time sticking to my clean diet because we eat out a lot, and at times he is moody.  Also, I'm affected by frequent volatile spring weather (we get lots of volatile weather in the midwestern USA), and I think I overdid it 2 days ago when I went on a hike and Plein air painted in the woods on Sunday.  So, I'm just going to stay on my current dose for a while, until things settle down.  I was hoping to be off this Lexapro in a couple of months, but if it takes longer, that's OK too.  My doctor said he would be willing to prescribe me another bottle of the liquid, which I may need.  It seems crazy that I'm sort of stuck on 0.02 mg Lexapro, but it is what it is.  I have a hard time with the change in seasons, too.  As it warms up, and goes from spring to winter, I have trouble with getting hot at night, which impacts my sleep.  It sucks that I'm still semi disabled from this protracted WD, and can't do the things I love to do without it aggravating my symptoms.  However, I'm also thankful, because it is better than it used to be, I am improving very very slowly and gradually.  I am optimistic than one day, I will be free of this.  

[mstimc]

Hi Grateful

Sending you positive thoughts and support from the Left Coast!  It would be great if recovery were progressive instead of a rollercoaster, and if we could enjoy things as we once did.  I found myself avoiding triggers when I was in WD, but gradually, I was able to start enjoying them again.  That will come for you too, because you have the right approach--staying focused on recovery.  Each day is a day closer!

[Heath]

@getofflex I’m also sending you positive thoughts and encouragement also !

Me too my son is 20 and same. It does give me some anxious and irritated feelings. Even though we support and encourage them, at same time I will try to protect myself from the non important drama .
 

you are doing so good in your taper!  Yes if you need more time then that’s ok!

[getofflex]

I'm doing much better now.  I think what happened, is that I overdid it Sunday, and that made me wobbly for a few days - not a wave, but an uptick in my symptoms.  I'm also dealing with menopause and PTSD, so I believe a lot of my symptoms are from that.  I'll see how I do over the next few days, and take it from there.  Thanks @Heathand @mstimcfor the support!  

[mstimc]

3 minutes ago, getofflex said:

I'm doing much better now.  I think what happened, is that I overdid it Sunday, and that made me wobbly for a few days - not a wave, but an uptick in my symptoms.  I'm also dealing with menopause and PTSD, so I believe a lot of my symptoms are from that.  I'll see how I do over the next few days, and take it from there.  Thanks @Heathand @mstimcfor the support!  

Great to hear you're doing better, Getofflex!  hoping you continue your upward journey!

[almuPA]

Hello, @getofflex,

 

On 4/9/2022 at 12:13 AM, getofflex said:

I'm doing much better now.  

So glad to read this, after knowing that you had a hard time! 

 

On 4/9/2022 at 12:13 AM, getofflex said:

I think what happened, is that I overdid it Sunday, and that made me wobbly for a few days

It is so hard to know where limit is, isnt it? Sometimes we feel good (in our WD state) and we eat something or go somewhere and it can send us into a whole wave. 

 

On 3/21/2022 at 4:51 PM, getofflex said:

 I discovered from my daily journal - too much salt!  I had made a rice pilaf that was WAY too salty, but I still ate it.  I'd had something salty for lunch, too.  I went and checked my journal, and found a high positive correlation between insomnia and eating salty foods.

 

Thanks for sharing this. I will have to take a look at this because I looove salt (I know, too bad, but it is the only thing that I actually cannot cut after the sugar, dairy, gluten, high histamine, etc...). 

 

I hope you are having a great time with your son. Vacations are always a challenging time for us, so I wish you have a great time and not too much stress.

 

I send you a hug.

[Erell]

So great to read you are doing better dear getofflex !
I am following your progress closely, and thinking of you in this final stretch.
No matter how long it takes, you have taken such great care of your body in this process I have no doubt that you will see the light  
Take care ☀️

[getofflex]

@mstimcthanks for your positive encouraging words.  🌻

 

@almuPAthanks for the support!  I'm going to try Plein air painting again today, but without the strenuous uphill hike.  It's a bright sunny day, and the landscape is beautiful with blooming trees, and the trees leafing out.  

 

@ErellMy sweet friend, thank you for your support.  I'm a bit nervous about reducing and jumping off now, I've become psychologically dependent.  But I will do it.  I will probably do another reduction this weekend, it's been almost 8 weeks.  

[Erell]

Dear @getofflex, 
 

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

I'm a bit nervous about reducing and jumping off now, I've become psychologically dependent.

 

I understand. In 2017, I was down to a very small dose of benzodiazepine, honestly I felt like I was only drinking water, and I felt great at the end of that slow taper. However, like you, I felt a kind of "psychological dependence" and I couldn't decide to jump for good.
I think it's quite logical : between the memories of the symptoms we have suffered, the speeches of the psychiatry which taught us that we couldn't live without, the human doubts linked to the unknown and the unpredictability of the future, etc., it's not surprising to feel a kind of fear.

I think I read Brassmonkey talking about this somewhere, and that was my experience as well: there comes a time when you get tired of the ritual and are comfortable with the final jump. You will know this moment too, I'm sure.

 

In the meantime, there is no hurry: in fact, you have already won! You've already proved to yourself that you can reduce this drug and that you are able to learn to live without its effects. There is no rush.
As for the rest of the world, you don't have to prove anything to us, nor do you owe us anything.

 

If you need more time, physically and mentally, if you need to reach a lower dose before you stop, if you need to focus on something else... well, I think everyone respects that, and is inspired by it.  

 

In fact, you are doing exactly what seems to be the right thing to do in these withdrawal processes: listening to your body and following its rhythm, the only one that counts.

And I thank you for this inspiration ❤️🙏

[getofflex]

I reduced to 0.01 mg Lexapro this morning!  I've been stable over the past couple of weeks.  My only symptom is insomnia at times, but I really believe this is due to issues other than WD.  I've always had insomnia off and on, even well before starting on psych meds.  Fortunately, on many to most nights I sleep 6.5 - 8 hours, which is very good.  There are also hot flashes, but I believe this is hormonal (I'm 60). I'm getting excited about being so close to jumping off!  I'll probably do a toothpick or 0.005 after this, then zero.  

Edited April 18, 2022 by getofflex

[siderale]

So glad to read this getofflex. Nearly there!! I'm rooting for you.

If it is of any reassurance, my mom (62) also has random hot flashes despite not being in WD.

[getofflex]

@sideralethanks for the support!  I've had an uptick in symptoms since my reduction, but there are other stressors and crazy volatile weather happening too, so it's all part of it.  But, I'm optimistic that in time, this will get better.  

[Ariel]

Hi @getofflex

Just wanted to stop by and thank you for your many helpful contributions site-wide. I often read your posts, both in your thread and others', and appreciate the insights and advice you have to offer. It makes a difference. 

Also, I extend all my respect and admiration for your patience and perseverance conducting your taper and staying the course. Your courage and strength are a shining light. I draw so much hope, inspiration, humility from following your story. Thank you for sharing. 

All the very best to you on your healing journey, with gratitude,

A. 

[getofflex]

@Arielthank you for your beautiful words of support and encouragement!  You, too, have been a big help to others on this site.  Thank you for helping out! 

[Faure]

So happy to read you are down to 0.01mg - well done! I am in peri menopause and feel ok for 2 weeks and then in need of HRT for the other 2! I’m holding off as there are HRT shortages in the UK and I’m pretty wary of becoming dependent on something else.  Are you back to do much more yet? I’m able to do more than I could on the full dose and really am looking forward to getting this drug out my system and back to a fuller life. Several years to go yet! 

[getofflex]

21 hours ago, Faure said:

Are you back to do much more yet?

Yes, I'm slowly and haltingly getting to where I'm able to do more, thankfully.  Sorry to hear about the hormonal issues - I'm menopausal, but still have hot flashes.  Thanks for the support. 

[souim]

Hi Getofflex

You have been so kind supporting me in my journey. I just discovered your story, and wanted to share my admiration and support. It sounds like a rollercoaster, but you have been so strong and resilient ! Sounds like you're near the end. I wish you much the best for this final transition. I know you're still struggling, but it gives me hope to see that you were able to make it this far.

[getofflex]

Thank you, @souimfor your support.  Yes, it has been quite a ride.  But I've had other issues as well - PTSD and menopause, so this definitely complicated things.  However, I'm very slowly improving!  I'm excited to almost be off this nasty drug.  

[Frogie]

@getofflex

 

You are so close the the finish line!

 

I'm really excited for you😊

[mstimc]

Hi @getofflex.  Sorry I haven't chimed in with my support,  but we're still getting our lives reorganized after returning to the States.   Those last few drops seemed huge to me--that feeling of getting so close and wondering what comes next.  You're doing great!

[Moonpie]

@getofflexso proud of you!!  You are almost there!  If life could stop and let us taper it would be amazing! Lol.  Praying for your last leg of the journey!  Hugs!

[getofflex]

Thanks moon pie, mstcimc and frogie.  I haven't felt any symptoms from the last reduction a week ago.  That's reassuring.  In fact, my sleep has improved more as I've gotten lower in my dose - makes me think the sleep issues were more adverse effects from the Lexapro rather than WD.  I had sleep issues before I ever went on psych meds, so there are other factors at play, too.  We will see what happens in the next few weeks!  I'm enjoying the warmer weather and colors of spring!  

 

Since I've been on a low dose, my emotions are back, both good and bad, and I'm much more intuitive with other people, and able to sense the energy in a another person, and the energy in the dynamics between me and the other person.  It's helping a lot with my relationships to be (almost) off these drugs.  

Edited April 25, 2022 by getofflex

[Frogie]

@getofflex

 

It is funny that you all of sudden you have emotions again. I remember that when I went off Lexapro, I actually laughed and cried at the same time and had no idea that it was normal. But strange at the same time that you feel again. It took me some getting used to though.

 

I'm glad you haven't had any symptoms since your taper, keeping my fingers crossed you won't.

 

You are almost at the finish line. I'm so happy/excited for you!

[Timberline]

@getofflex congratulations to you! I am quite envious but know I will get there one day too. Question, at what dose did you switch over to the liquid or did you start your taper with that? Do you think at such a low dose that the medication clears from your system and causes interdose withdrawal? I know lex has a longer half life but I'm always curious about the tiny dose clearing more quickly. Thanks! xoxo

[getofflex]

On 4/25/2022 at 9:28 AM, Timberline said:

Question, at what dose did you switch over to the liquid or did you start your taper with that?

I switched over to the liquid way back in late 2018, a few months before I joined this forum.  I did a sudden switch to liquid, because I didn't know it should be gradually changed over the course of a month.  

 

On 4/25/2022 at 9:28 AM, Timberline said:

Do you think at such a low dose that the medication clears from your system and causes interdose withdrawal?

Lexapro is not like benzos.  Lexapro has a long half life, so no, there is no interdose WD.  Being on a small dose does not reduce the half life. Half life is not dose dependent. 

 

Someday, you, too, will get off these drugs, as long as you are extra patient, and follow the suggestions of this forum.  I couldn't have done it without the advice and knowledge here myself.  

Edited May 18, 2022 by getofflex

[getofflex]

I am on my final tiny dose of Lexapro of 0.005 mg.  I diluted it with distilled water since I cannot measure this with even a small syringe.  Very exciting!  I may be off of this drug in less than 4 week if this last reduction goes well!  Woohoo!! 

 

The lower I get in my dose, the better I feel, which makes me suspect I was having adverse reaction as well as WD.  I have been going super slowly these past 2.5 years, and it has been well worth it.  I went way too fast and did several reinstatements before I found this forum, so I believe that kindled me.  It has taken several years to recover from that.  This is why I warn other members here who try to make too many dose and drug changes, and advise them to be patient, and go very slowly.  

 

I'm currently taking a break from moderating, and I'm working a lot in my garden, bird watching with my husband, and painting, and hiking/walking each day.  I'm enjoying all of this! 

[Ariel]

Hello dear getofflex

Just noticing in your signature the recent drop to 0.005. Wow! You have come so far.

Congrats on this cut and good luck with it <3

Kind wishes and faith from your fan,

A.

 

[Moonpie]

@getofflexI am so happy you are near the end and are doing so well!  The finish line is here!  Cheering you on!

[Erell]

Enjoy your garden my dear friend and live your life, that's exactly what we wish you ❤❤❤

[getofflex]

I can't believe this has happened, and especially at the very end of my taper.  It is pretty upsetting.

 

I'd been going to this Christian church for a year and a half.  

 

Unfortunately, now the pastor is being really creepy.  I noticed in the Bible study, he was always teasing people, and always winking, which became pretty annoying, because he did this all the time.  At this church, the bathrooms are traditional men's and women's restrooms, and men don't go in the women's restroom, and vice versa.  I was in the restroom, and he just walked right in!  Didn't knock or anything.  There is no lock on the door.  I was washing my hands.  I said to him "You are in the wrong restroom".  He acted completely unfazed, staying in there, and asking me if I could look in the cupboard for some paper towels.  I later complained to the secretary, and it wasn't until after she said something to him, that he called me and apologized.  I believe that first of all, he should never have come in there.  

 

He used the excuse that he thought there couldn't be anyone in there, which makes NO sense.  There were about 5 or 6 other women in the church at that time.  His wife is the janitor and she was there, why didn't she come in to look for paper towels?  

 

And, why didn't he apologize and leave when he first came in, and I told him he was in the wrong restroom?  The entire thing is very creepy and fishy.  Not only that, but less than a week later, he taunted me in bible class, saying I had no sense of humor, because he made a teasing remark that I didn't respond to, because I couldn't hear it.  I've seen him tease other people, and make them uncomfortable in bible class, too.  Once I heard him say to a woman "I'm just toying with you".  Uggghhh.  This just seems very inappropriate for a pastor to behave this way.  Honestly, it seems that this guy is playing power games here, and using his authority as a pastor to intimidate.  He has also made some remarks that could be construed as sexist. You know, the type of covert passive aggressive remarks that can be taken in more than one way.  

 

I will not be going back to this church.  I feel very unsafe to ever go back there.  It is ramping up my anxiety, eroding my sleep, and I know that this sort of BS is the last thing I need while my nervous system is in the fragile state it is in.  I'm doing my best to put it in the rear view mirror, but I'm just shocked that this has happened.  In my 61 years, I've never had a man walk in on me in the restroom. 

Edited June 16, 2022 by getofflex

[mstimc]

Getofflex, I am so sorry for this experience.  During my WD and taper, church was a refuge and a place of peace for me.  Our (Episcopal) priest was a source of wise spiritual counsel as well.  As a mainline church, it had strict protection policies in place as well, and our rector would have been canned for the kind of behavior you've been exposed to rom your pastor.

 

I sincerely hope you find a church that is supportive and helps you on your recovery journey!

[Greeneyedfelines]

@getofflex this pastor sounds creepy and severely deficient in boundaries. He needs to start practicing what he preaches by the sounds of it! Anyone who gaslights you rather than offering a sincere apology for a wrongdoing on their part is problematic and unhealthy to be around. I’m so sorry that you had this experience.
 

I was supporting a new friend recently with her recent hypothyroid diagnosis as I have researched this condition extensively myself to support my own healing. After hours on the phone daily for a week explaining this condition and signposting to resources it became clear that she wasn’t willing to do anything to help herself. So I stated my boundary that I will not be going over this information ad infinitum as it detracts a lot of time from my own self care, work, study and personal relationships while I’m healing myself. It also reminds me of a very difficult time for me health wise. She was unable to respect my boundary and became indignant. I observed a while longer and realised that she was unable to respect anyone’s boundaries. This is not a genuine friend or a healthy person to be around. I no longer invest any more time in her.

 

I have a history of ruminating on such events. Very common when you have suffered trauma, let alone in withdrawal too. I have CPTSD and understand this.  I did ruminate on this event.  To my detriment. But no more.
 

Our health can’t take it and we owe it to ourselves not to compound our original suffering and further distress ourselves. No one and no situation comes before our healing growth and health.

 

Your faith & spirituality is still with you. You just don’t resonate with his version of spiritual teaching and will find a new community who you will resonate with.
 

I’ve found that withdrawal lifts the veil from our eyes to see people and situations for what they really are instead of being numb / second guessing ourselves on whether we got it right / are being too sensitive etc 

 

I’m finding that I’m re establishing and reasserting my boundaries. Healthy people respect boundaries. This process filters those people away that aren’t healthy for us to be around. This isn’t a bad thing at all and very much part of our healing process and growth.
 

I hope that you’re ok and not too disheartened by this event? Immerse yourself in something healing - gardening, painting, walking to change the channel. He really isn’t worth the upset or your time.

 

You could possibly see if there is a safeguarding policy in place in the church and if so, make a formal complaint if this is something that you feel you want to do?

 

Congratulations on making it to the home stretch! The finishing line is in sight! ☺️
 

PS you might want to increase your estrogel to keep those pesky hot flashes and night sweats at bay. I don’t have any anymore unless I miss a few doses. 

 

Be kind to yourself 🙏

[Ninabird]

 @getofflex

I am disappointed right along with you. For this pastor to behave in this way, so cavalier tells me this is a regular thing for him. His wife gossiping?! Time to find a new church. 
Pray for the pastor and his wife. His will ultimately judge the wicked. 
I’m sorry this happened to you while your eyes are on the finish line. God has you. Lean on HIM. Don’t let it pollute your heart or faith. 
praying for you. 
 

Ninabird 

[Erell]

Dear @getofflex, I am sorry that you had to endure this disrespect and sorry that it has put you in a position where you feel insecure.
I think the most important thing is to protect ourselves from these attitudes and focus on spaces, places and people that offer us a sense of safety and comfort. 

Know that you are among your friends here ❤️ 

[getofflex]

Thanks everyone, for your support and empathy. It really means a lot to me.  

 

The good news is, I have started doing phone therapy.  I discussed this pastor/church issue with her, and she was very kind, supportive, and compassionate.  

 

I'm doing OK with my tapering.  I'm not quite ready to jump off, yet.  My symptoms are practically non existent.  I sleep about 6 - 7.5 hours per night, have some very mild DP/DR and some anxiety sometimes, but I believe the anxiety is more from life circumstances and PTSD than the WD.  I do have my anxiety coping tools in place - walking, prayer, bible reading, trusting in God, setting boundaries, reframing things, being intentionally optimistic, and doing things I enjoy like painting, sewing, cooking, and reading. 

 

I'm at my very last dose - 0.005 mg.  I quite excited!  I'm a bit nervous about jumping off completely.  But, I will jump when I'm ready.  

 

 

 

 

Edited June 11, 2022 by getofflex