☼ getofflex: weaning of Lexapro

[mstimc]

Getofflex

 

I have a lot of family in the Joplin/Webb City/Springfield area.  Are you near there?

[Greeneyedfelines]

@getofflex Aww bless you! 🤗 Weather and air pressure can have such a huge impact on mood and our physical bodies. We had a heatwave in the UK recently and a change in air pressure which has effected my anxiety levels, gave me headaches and interrupted my sleep. I’ve also been a bit erratic taking my Estrogel as a result of being busy and forgetting this week, so I have had a return in hot flushes and night sweats! 😓 

 

This is just a blip! All will be well. You’re doing amazing!!! Remember how far you’ve come! 🙌🤗

[getofflex]

59 minutes ago, mstimc said:

I have a lot of family in the Joplin/Webb City/Springfield area.  Are you near there?

No I'm in St Louis, the eastern central part of the state. 

 

57 minutes ago, Greeneyedfelines said:

Weather and air pressure can have such a huge impact on mood and our physical bodies

Yes, it certainly can, especially when our nervous systems are still healing from psych drugs.  

 

57 minutes ago, Greeneyedfelines said:

This is just a blip! All will be well. You’re doing amazing!!! Remember how far you’ve come! 🙌🤗

Thanks!  Yes, I'm starting to feel better already.  😄

[getofflex]

Well I seem to be in a wave currently.  I had no sleep at all last night.  I'm about 3.5 weeks into jumping off Lexapro.  I did the taper extremely slowly and gradually over the past several years, but I'm still having a hard time having gone to zero.  There are stress factors and other things going on in my life currently, and this wave was triggered, I believe by a very severe weather front that hit my area almost a week ago.  I was doing very well until then, and the day that front hit, and dumped 8 to 12 inches of rain in my area, my sleep has been significantly disturbed. I will be taking it easy, and keeping a low profile, and doing the minimum I have to do.  I'm working on acceptance, but I must admit, this is pretty discouraging.  I'll be focusing more on prayer and bible reading, and avoiding any stressors that I can, although some stressors are unavoidable.  I think acceptance is the key right now, and being optimistic that this is temporary, and will pass.  I've been listening to relaxing music, and will do simple physical activities to distract myself, which always seems to help when I'm in a wave. At least I'm not having severe anxiety, although I do have a feeling of uneasiness.  

Edited August 1, 2022 by getofflex

[brassmonkey]

@getofflex  This too shall pass. Sorry to hear that you've had an uptick in symptoms, it's quite disheartening so soon after making the jump, but pretty common. The first several months can really be up and down a lot, but it all settles out. It can follow a windows and waves sort of pattern with the windows getting bigger and the waves smaller.

 

The storm front probably had a lot to do with triggering it. I watched the news, getting that much rain so quickly would be quite concerning. I really wish you could send some of this way, we are on the verge of running out of water to drink. In fact, some cities not far from us already have.

 

Try to roll with it as best as you can, and it will get better.

 

(((((((((((MONKEY HUGS)))))))))))

[Ninabird]

I’m praying for you getofflex that this wave will be short lived and a beautiful window is right around the corner. 

[Greatful]

You"ve got this offlex🌞  You have all the years of experience to make it through🌞

[getofflex]

@brassmonkey, @Ninabird, @Greatfulyou guys are great.  Thank you for reassuring me, and for being there for me.  I'm so used to being the one to dispense advice, and reassurance, etc, and now I'm on the receiving end.  One forgets just what it is like, perhaps this will help me to be more empathetic with others who are suffering the same.  It is easy to forget what it feels like.  But I'm very determined, I will never go on any psych meds again, ever!  There were several other factors that converged together yesterday, having to do with my marriage, and my relationship with my older son, that also triggered me, without me even realizing it at the time.  And quite a lot of emotions surfacing, because the Lexapro masked them.  I'm thankful that I have my emotions again, even if they sometimes make me cry.  I'm reminding myself that the emotions are exaggerated due to the neuro emotion thing, and not to act upon them in an unwise way.    

Edited August 1, 2022 by getofflex

[Greatful]

offlex.  I changed your name lol......NO, NO, NO drugs.  You have come to far.  I bet you can look back and see that you had waves and stronger emotions as you came down off the emotion blunting drug and you got through it then and you will again.  No pressure but we need you to be strong for the rest of us and remind us it can be done🌞

[getofflex]

21 hours ago, Greatful said:

offlex.  I changed your name lol......NO, NO, NO drugs.

LOL Grateful.  😆

 

21 hours ago, Greatful said:

I bet you can look back and see that you had waves and stronger emotions as you came down off the emotion blunting drug and you got through it then and you will again.

Yes, I can see that my emotions are much stronger now.  I'm feeling much better today, I was able to sleep OK last night, thankfully.  Thanks for the support!  

 

[Ariel]

Hi gotofflex,

Thinking of you and sending big HUGS for having made it through what sounds like a very challenging week <3

[jozeff]

Congratulations getofflex!

 

I just learned that you jumped to 0.000 mg! You should be very proud of yourself!

 

I read through your recent replies and it is very disheartening to hear you felt "wavy" last week. Could it be a kind of reversed placebo effect: the realization that you take zero drugs and just that fact alone makes you feel very uneasy?

 

I'm looking forward to reading more good news !

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

[Ariel]

@jozeff

 

(please excuse me for butting in on your thread gotofflex) 

 

6 hours ago, jozeff said:

I read through your recent replies and it is very disheartening to hear you felt "wavy" last week. Could it be a kind of reversed placebo effect: the realization that you take zero drugs and just that fact alone makes you feel very uneasy?

 

It is normal to experience waves after the zero mark, even when one has conducted a careful, slow taper. The drop to zero is still a reduction, just as with any other cuts throughout the taper. 

 

Our brilliant organisms are committed to healing and won't stop until their work is done. Once we get to zero our brains and bodies are finally free to heal without any outside interference from drug(s). That unleashes great potential for further healing, the process of which may sometimes entail waves of symptoms, as our systems adapt and recover. This is all par for the course. 

 

Healing doesn't stop at zero, it is a continuous process that lasts as long as it/we need. Thank goodness our bodies are so thorough and excel at their jobs! 

 

WD recovery is non-linear, uncertain, and unpredictable, which can be a psychologically challenging experience -- especially if we keep thinking, Okay now we're really finished this time, and then feel disappointed when that turns out not to be the case. Something that helps me navigate these fluctuations is the lesson of the story of the Chinese Farmer (shout-out to @Roserdl for having originally brought this tale to my attention), for example as retold by Alan Watts:

 

The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity; and it is really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad; because you never know what will be the consequences of the misfortune; or you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune.   

 

(transcribed from video)

 

It helps to know that waves can be expected after we are off of the drugs completely. That doesn't in any way change or diminish the phenomenal achievement of completing a successful gradual, slow taper and making it to zero. That's an absolute, stand-alone accomplishment, worthy of celebration and pride in and of itself. It is also a beautiful beginning. 

 

Healing is happening <3

A. 

 

[getofflex]

On 8/7/2022 at 3:14 AM, jozeff said:

Could it be a kind of reversed placebo effect: the realization that you take zero drugs and just that fact alone makes you feel very uneasy?

Interesting idea, jozeff.  It is quite possible.  I also have CPTSD, and I'm dealing with that, too, especially now that the Lexapro is no longer numbing my emotions.  

 

@Arielno problem at all, what you said helped me, so thank you.  

[getofflex]

I was doing well, but I had a stressful event happen last Thursday (had an intense encounter with an energy vampire drama queen), and it is causing an uptick in my symptoms.  This event has triggered my CPTSD, which has triggered my PAWS symptoms.  I didn't sleep well last night, and feel tired, and lots of cog fog today, and neuro emotions.  Hoping for a better night tonight, and better day tomorrow.  

Edited August 17, 2022 by getofflex

[Erell]

Hello dear @getofflex, 
I'm not an expert on the end of a taper  but from what I've read there can be a lot of ups and downs : this does not surprise me, not only does the nervous system still have some "repair" work to do, but it is probably exhaaaausted from this long journey, and must also relearn to experience emotions, sensations and events without the presence of ISRS molecules. That's quite a lot !

 

It's a lot, but nothing you can't handle, I'm sure, and most importantly, all people report an improvement in their ability to cope with stress as the months go by and the body does its regulatory work. 

 

Are you able to get some rest? Don't feel guilty if you need a lot of peace and quiet: you've just been through a long journey, and not an easy one, and even though we live in a culture that values productivity and activity, your body and mind deserve as much rest as they want after such an accomplishment.

 

You have a whole community to support you through the ups and downs my friend ❤️ 

[Ariel]

Hi getofflex,

Holding space for you and sending all my love and support --

Peace and healing vibes <3

A. 

[getofflex]

Hello everyone, I just wanted to give an update.  I've been completely off Lexapro and other psych meds for over 2 months.  I really felt a difference between being on 0.005 mg of Lexapro and being at zero.  It was subtle, but definitely noticeable by me.  These drugs are powerful!

 

My symptoms are very minimal at this point on most days.  I'm sleeping on average about 6.5 to 7 hours a night.  Sleep isn't perfect, but it's sure way better than it was in withdrawal.  I have way less anxiety, and the DP/DR is much better too.  

 

I'm actually starting to be able to live a normal life!  To be honest, I feel like I've been set free from a prison getting off of the psychiatric drugs.  I'm able to hike, walk, bird watch, paint, garden, cook, go to activities at church, etc.  I'm actually enjoying life right now at this point!  My husband is retired, and he and I do a lot of these things together.  

 

I do still get triggered by drama and toxic people, but I think this has more to do with CPTSD than with WD.  So, I set my boundaries with these types of people. I've had to cut out some toxic friends and family members.  Some days I get sad about that, but overall, it really helped my nervous system to set these firm boundaries.  

 

I have to say that going through the pain of withdrawal was completely worth it.  I finally have myself back. I feel a lot of emotions, and not just the painful ones, the positive ones, too.  My husband says that I'm more available to him, and our marriage is better.  I did notice that the painful emotions came back first, before the pleasant ones came back.  I will say that my strong faith in Jesus was a huge help and a factor in giving me the strength and perseverance to get through all of this.  I came into this forum in March 2019, after several fast taper attempts, and my nervous system was sensitized and probably kindled then.  It took several years for it to stabilize and calm down as I did very slow tapering.  I will never, ever again go anywhere near a psych drug.  

 

I'm going to be flying to Connecticut in a month to visit my older son, and I'm hoping my system can deal with this OK.  

Edited September 13, 2022 by getofflex

[Frogie]

@getofflex

 

That is such great and wonderful news! What a great update.

 

I'm really happy that you are healing and being able to do things you enjoy once again.

 

Getting to see your family will make your trip all worth while😊

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

 

[Moonpie]

@getofflexThank you for the update!!!  I am so happy to hear you are doing so well!  I continue to keep you in my prayers!

[arbor]

This is beautiful @getofflex!  It's such a testament to your spirit and strength that while tapering you've also been so kind and generous here on the site.  Thank you for all that you do.  I am so happy to know that you are doing well.  

With hugs,

Arbor

[mstimc]

Thank you so much for posting this, Getofflex.  It will give hope and strength to so many other who are still on the journey to recovery.  Boundaries are a great way to manage anxiety, so don't feel bad about setting them!  Positive thoughts going to you for continued recovery.

 

P.S. My father was from southwesters Missouri.  He was one of 11 kids.  I'm probably related half the population between KC and the Arkansas border!

[getofflex]

Well I find myself in another wave today.  No sleep last night, anxiety, neuro emotions, intrusive thoughts.  I'm practicing my coping skills (deep breathing, calming music, rest, inner child work, prayer, reframing, AAF, etc).  I'm also using simple physical activities to distract, which is one of the most helpful techniques.  I picked many tomatoes and peppers out of the garden!  This too shall pass.  It is only temporary, it's just my nervous system acting up, and someday, it will be a thing of the past.  

 

And yes, these symptoms can be compelling!  I keep reminding myself, it's just my destabilized nervous system, although there is a CPTSD component to this, too.   

Edited September 19, 2022 by getofflex

[Heath]

@getofflex Great job at recognizing symptoms! And thank you for sharing your skills. 
I want to share with you something I have been reading about and have tried a couple of times. Cold water , never have been a fan of cold shower or cold water swimming but it seems to help when the wave comes with ruminating thoughts and fear. 
One other thing I want to tell you is I was driving to the place where I hike one day last week . I just happen to look at a sign at a church, it said

“fear is a liar “. WOW ! 
 

yes this will pass it’s only temporary 👍

 

one of a few links to cold water

https://wellinsiders.com/i-tried-cold-showers-for-stress-anxiety-heres-what-happened/

[getofflex]

@HeathI read the article, and I will give this a try tomorrow.  The article says it stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, which is activating, so I'd rather do it early in the day.  Thanks! 

[Heath]

For me Yes it was activating- a feel good activating. My first experience was in July in a wave with panic ruminating worry thoughts pacing in the house. Frogie and Ariel had made some suggestions and one was put my face in a big bowl of ice water. This knocked all the symptoms down about 70% or so  I’m guessing.  And then I topped it off with a 2 mile walk with my daughter at the gym being around other people. I gradually felt much better after . 
 

Since then I ve only tried cold shower head , neck and shoulders 2 times. I can tell a difference in my outlook. I do see where it could help to overcome fears and help us to realize it’s ok to be uncomfortable sometimes in other parts of life like wd and whatever we fear. 

[getofflex]

I'm going through a hard time right now.  I'm not sure if it's withdrawal, or just emotions resurfacing that had been numbed by the drugs.  I suspect it is a combination of both.  

 

I'm very emotional, and I'm having some issues in my relationship with my older son, who I went to visit last week.  I sleep well some nights, and have insomnia other nights.   I also sometimes deal with depression, and intrusive dark thoughts.  I'm using my coping techniques, and using acceptance, and lots of prayer, and remembering uplifting bible verses.  

 

I'm also feeling the change in seasons with the shorter, darker days and longer nights, and we are having some much needed rain and storms, but the storm systems do tend to mess with my nervous system.  

 

I'm feeling some better today than I was yesterday.  

[almuPA]

Hello @getofflex,

 

I am sorry to read that you are going through a hard time. Please, remember this is temporary and will pass.

 

42 minutes ago, getofflex said:

I'm also feeling the change in seasons with the shorter, darker days and longer nights, and we are having some much needed rain and storms, but the storm systems do tend to mess with my nervous system.

It is curious how our systems can react to external factors in WD. We need to be extra careful with everything, but hopefully It will be easier with time.

 

I send you a big hug.

[mstimc]

Good Morning, Getofflex

 

Even after I weaned off Paxil and considered myself recovered, some things still triggered unexpected thoughts and emotions.  To some extent they still do, but I've come to accept them.  Eventually I realized that going through WD and recovery made me more empathetic to others' suffering and pain, and I picked up on it more easily than I did while I was taking the meds.  Its all part of the recovery process and figuring out who the new You wants to be.  Positive thoughts from California!

[Happy2Heal]

hi @getofflex

 

sorry you've hit a rough patch

 

yeh there can be some bumps in the road once you get past zero but they are usually very short lived ones

 

on the one hand, you've got all that experience in using good coping skills so you know you'll get thru this just fine 

 

but on the other hand you're probably like WTF? battle weary and just have no patience to deal with this sh*t any more!


oh yes, the weather has a huge impact on me, and most ppl  I know

when the pressure drops it can cause migraines in ppl prone to those and for the rest of us it  just makes us feel blah, tired, or "off" .

 

I hope your "bump" in the road is short lived, regardless if it's a hold over from WD recovery or just "real life"

Heh, I too, seemed to be emotional a lot since WD and getting off totally

but I am glad to be able to feel again after so many years of feeling nothing

 

it's tough when the feelings are not pleasant ones but the joys I've had and the excitement and the periods of true peace, they are all worth it

 

I Hope you have lots of joyful and peaceful moments too

[brassmonkey]

I'm so sorry to read that you are going through a rough patch. I hope you are feeling even better today.

 

The first-year post "0" can feel very defeating at times, but it is the healing working full time making you better. You will probably find that you are feeling better after each "wave" than you did before. In the meantime, things will feel all over the place at times, but it will pass for the better. Emotions are being relearned and can be raw, and relationships are being redefined, which will take some time and work.

 

I've been reading some interesting material on ruminating thought recently. It appears that they are a side effect of a "quiet mine". When there is nothing else to think about one's mind tends to dig up the past and focus on all the unnecessary bits. It appears that distraction the best thing to do to control it. Reading, puzzles, cooking, gardening, anything that is engaging and keeps the mind active. I'm still digging into it, but it gives some ideas to try.

[Heath]

Thanks BM! Distract this is so true ! There is a website suduko number puzzle, I may have mentioned this before but it puts me to sleep quickly as a distraction. I had been in one wave with heavy ruminating thoughts since finding this and it was tough one I would do these puzzles on a smart phone fall asleep for 5 minutes then play again and fall asleep. Even though I was caught up in the whirl of thoughts I kept at it.  I guess what I am saying is it even helps in a heavy wave of ruminating thoughts. I do the easy ones. Somehow it takes all of my attention to do so I finally fall asleep. 
wishing you peace getofflex!

 

https://sudoku.com/

 

 

[itiscomplicated]

On 10/30/2022 at 10:38 AM, getofflex said:

I'm going through a hard time right now.  I'm not sure if it's withdrawal, or just emotions resurfacing that had been numbed by the drugs.  I suspect it is a combination of both.  

 

Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time. I can relate to that feeling of questioning whether I'm experiencing withdrawal or emotions resurfacing, and also suspect a combination.

 

I hope it has been getting better the past few days.

[redkite]

Evening, I to am sorry that you are having a hard time. You do so much for others on here it seems so unfair. I think once we have been exposed to wd our systems are always going to be over sensitized and we will have new triggers, however you know the score regarding how quickly are moods move about and you can, and will, whether this storm. Prayer to believers is very powerful, its even powerful to those that don't!! Issues with family are often layered with guilt, unrealistic expectations and judgments. Let it settle. We are all just human animals warts and all!!!! Try  not to worry about your boy, it will all work out in the end, it always does. I will light a candle for you  and keep it going threw the night. Take care redkite

[getofflex]

17 minutes ago, redkite said:

! Issues with family are often layered with guilt, unrealistic expectations and judgments. Let it settle. We are all just human animals warts and all!!!! Try  not to worry about your boy, it will all work out in the end, it always does. I will light a candle for you  and keep it going threw the night. Take care redkite

Thank you redkite. This really touched me and brought tears to my eyes.  I feel cared for and heard.  

[YachtRock]

Hang in there @getofflex. I would post the classic cat poster if it were allowed I too have had lots of ups and downs. September was so bad I thought I was reverting to my early acute withdrawal state from a year ago, and I started considering a full reinstatement, but I pushed through. It occurs to me that just because we are off medications does not mean we are "cured" by any means. Most of us WILL revert back to the earlier issues we had before meds. I know that my anxious state has come back fiercely after a summer of calm, and I have to now learn new ways to cope with it. But as others have commented, the state we return to is not at all the same and there are now new challenges to face thanks to the wiring and unwiring. I don't have kids and can not begin to imagine the challenge, but I know you are strong and have the skills to persevere!