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RedMachine

RedMachine: stuck between two rocks

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RedMachine

I feel low & numb & anxious & stuck in my own head & struggling with intrusive sucidal thoughts.

I first started panic attacks through a couple hangovers didn't no much about them which they were scary, went to doctors to ask advice straight away given citalopram told to take once a day did so for a few weeks till I realised I didn't want to be on these and they were antidepressants, then the trouble started panic attacks everyday so went back to doc & given sertaline tried for less than a week and symptoms was to bad stopped then went back to doc & given citalopram liquid tried for couple weeks had like a high effect which wasn't good & finally given mirtazapine was on it for over a month with really bad lows and symptoms at first then started to ease but I still didn't want to be on a mind altering drugs! So I got told to just stop. Now from July 10th 2018 that's when all the issues have started been a rocky road ups & downs but I'm sat here thinking what's the next steps as I feel low and numb and sucidal thoughts all the time shall I go back to the drugs or ???

Struggling with no sleep 

Sucidal thoughts 

Anxiousness 

Low mood

Snappyniess 

No interests in life 

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Shep

Hi, RedMachine.

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.

 

Have you been off all drugs since July 10, 2018? Are you currently taking any supplements?

 

Here is some information on withdrawal to get you started: 

 

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain

 

Healing from antidepressants. Patterns of recovery video (4 minutes)

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

You may find some helpful information to handle your symptoms here: 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements, as many members report their nervous systems are simply too fragile to handle them. However, magnesium and fish oil tend to be calming to the nervous system and many people report they do help. Please only add in one supplement at a time and at a small dose. For more, please see:

 

 King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Please add a signature.  Include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. This will help us give you the most accurate advice we can. 

  • Any drugs and supplements prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years. 
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago) 
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016. 
  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. 
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 
  • This is a direct link to your signature:  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

Please continue to use this thread to provide more information and to ask questions. 

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RedMachine
Posted (edited)

Citalopram 10mg start of April 2018 - finished citalopram mid April after 2 week, off for a week

 

Sertaline 50mg for 2 days around 21st April - finished after 2 days, off for about 2 weeks.

 

Citalopram liquid 5mg around 10th May - finished around 2.5 weeks later near end of May, off for around 10 days 

 

Mirtazapine 15mg from June for a month till 10th July 

3rd July fast reduced the mirtazapine, halfed the tablet every couple days.

 

Thats was all 2018, previously smoked weed & drunk 

To this day not took no medication apart from iburprofen which gives me bad side effects 

When i have a alcholic drink effects me really bad 

Take no supplements 

Tried night nurse a few days ago as im sick of having a bad sleep which has promethazine & paracetamol in 

I have been struggling to this day with all symptoms & side effects 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
changed from all CAPS

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Shep
Posted (edited)

Hi, RedMachine.

 

Thanks for the additional information. Please add your information to your signature. Here is a direct link: 

 

  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Having it in your signature will help the staff without us having to re-read your thread. 

 

Please don't use all capital letters. A moderator had to go in and change your last post due to it being in all caps. Please note on the internet, all caps comes across as an "internet scream", so we prefer lower letters for this reason. 

 

 

20 hours ago, RedMachine said:

Tried night nurse a few days ago as im sick of having a bad sleep which has promethazine & paracetamol in 

 

I'm confused by what you mean here. Are you taking another drug now? Please give us more information about this. 

 

Edited by Shep
fixed typo

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RedMachine

No currently taking no drugs now since 10july2018 only iburprofen a couple times. 

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RedMachine

It's been 8months now I don't no where i stand I don't no weather it's all in my head and if it's really me shall I go back to the medications or..? 

These past 2 weeks have been really bad like I've been unwell and run down and like I've gone back wards what to do

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Shep

RedMachine, were you only on these drugs for about 3 months?

 

Reinstating at 8 months out is risky, but with all of the drugs you went through during that time, did any of them help with symptoms such as sleep or anxiety? 

 

On 3/12/2019 at 11:44 AM, RedMachine said:

When i have a alcholic drink effects me really bad 

 

When was the last time you drank alcohol? 

 

I'm going to comment again about fish oil and magnesium. Instead of reinstating any of these drugs, you may want to try this first. 

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements, as many members report their nervous systems are simply too fragile to handle them. However, magnesium and fish oil tend to be calming to the nervous system and many people report they do help. Please only add in one supplement at a time and at a small dose. For more, please see:

 

 King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Try adding in magnesium first to see if that is helpful. Start with a low dose and spread it out throughout the day and into the evening. Perhaps try an Epsom salt bath to help with anxiety and sleep. 

 

It may take awhile for these symptoms to fade out, but with your short history of being on these drugs, your injured nervous system will get better in time. These links may help:

 

Are We There Yet? How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

 

Acceptance

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Non-drug techniques for dealing with body pain

 

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RedMachine

It totally must of been 3 months yeah, I've never previously had trouble with sleep issues or anxiety in my life & mirtazapine is good for sleep but all medication caused me anxiety.

The last time I drank was 4 weeks ago I had 2 drinks & I felt really low for 4 days with bad anxiety.

Thanks I will try stay clear of the medication abit longer as 8 month is a long time.

I'm also going to read about the supplements and try some slowly.

Just the past 2 weeks felt like I've gone down hill.

I've recently gone back to work 2months ago part time which is taking it out of me.

My fatigue is really bad also just struggling to do the smallest things.

I started the gym 2 months ago which helped some days but noticed doing to much only made things worse.

Not been able to go past 2 weeks as I've felt so bad.

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Shep
22 hours ago, RedMachine said:

The last time I drank was 4 weeks ago I had 2 drinks & I felt really low for 4 days with bad anxiety.

 

I've seen alcohol mess up many people during withdrawal. It's really best to abstain until you are well past feeling 100% back to normal. It's possible this has set you back. But I'm sure you'll feel better in time. 

 

23 hours ago, RedMachine said:

Thanks I will try stay clear of the medication abit longer as 8 month is a long time.

I'm also going to read about the supplements and try some slowly.

 

I think this is a good plan. Try a bit of magnesium and see how you do. If that goes okay, add in a bit of fish oil.

 

Remember to avoid caffeine, sugar, and processed foods, as much as possible.  A lot of us become hyper-sensitive to these foods during withdrawal and find our recovery is better without them. 

 

23 hours ago, RedMachine said:

My fatigue is really bad also just struggling to do the smallest things.

I started the gym 2 months ago which helped some days but noticed doing to much only made things worse.

Not been able to go past 2 weeks as I've felt so bad.

 

Try just going for a 15 - 30 minute walk every day, in nature, if possible. Just getting out for a walk in the sunlight can be very helpful.

 

Many of us experience exercise intolerance, so a gentle walk and some gentle stretching is the best exercise until the fatigue lifts. 

 

 

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Bee5
18 minutes ago, Shep said:

I've seen alcohol mess up many people during withdrawal. It's really best to abstain until you are well past feeling 100% back to normal. It's possible this has set you back. But I'm sure you'll feel better in time. 

 

I can't drink alcohol at all during my taper - have SEVERE anxiety if I drink just two drinks (New Years party messed me up for 4 days). Have decided to abstain until I'm done tapering, and I will be tapering for the next few years so bye bye alcohol.

 

I think you may have tapered too quickly off your meds.

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RedMachine

Yeah I'm staying clear from drinking now due to the effect for nearly a week.

How does everyone manage there day to day symptoms and what to do do when feel really bad?

How do people manage there intrusive thoughts about suicide?

Why am I having a really bad few weeks that feels like I'm going down hill? 

 

Bee5 

How was your withdrawal and medication? 

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PerAsperaAdAstra
2 hours ago, RedMachine said:

How does everyone manage there day to day symptoms and what to do do when feel really bad?

How do people manage there intrusive thoughts about suicide?

 

I would advise you to have a look at the links with the coping techniques that were mentioned by Shep. It's all a matter of radical acceptance, even when confronted with suicidal thoughts etc. Thoughts and emotions can be really awful during withdrawal, and things only get worse when you fight it.

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RedMachine

Cause I don't obviously want to do suicide  i dont evan want to die i just get these thoughts popping into my randlomy I could just be sat there watching tv and pops into my head like do this or could do this. 

But I am sick of the torment in my head and think it would be easier not being here, but I want to be free & happy and live my life. The thought of death is scary going to sleep forever leaving everyone behind.

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RedMachine

What is everyone like at 8 months of ?

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RedMachine

Why does my head feel funny sometimes of the day comes and goes?

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