Priscilla: questions about Zyprexa

[Priscilla]

Update: There were moments today where I was not sure if I was feeling good or bad. How is that even possible? Today was a regular windows and waves day. If I am healing I sure can't tell. To be honest there are many hours where I don't feel that I will heal. After all I have been this way for months. 

[hayduke]

Hi Priscilla,

 

I can't speak to the fish oil since I don't take it, it makes me ill - I substitute hemp, linseeds and chia seeds which seem to help a bit - but as soon as I take a long bath in epsom salts or better yet magnesium chloride, I feel better within minutes.

 

Hang in there!  Many days at work I'm just thinking "ugh" and feel it's success enough just to make it home safely and watch TV or some other brain dead activity.

 

A long time ago my life was an utter mess and I was miserable, and I thought well I'm not going to feel better today no matter what I do but if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other it's bound to get better eventually.  Certainly many trials and tribulations since then but gradually things have definitely improved.

[Priscilla]

On 5/2/2019 at 8:36 AM, hayduke said:

Hi Priscilla,

 

I can't speak to the fish oil since I don't take it, it makes me ill - I substitute hemp, linseeds and chia seeds which seem to help a bit - but as soon as I take a long bath in epsom salts or better yet magnesium chloride, I feel better within minutes.

 

Hang in there!  Many days at work I'm just thinking "ugh" and feel it's success enough just to make it home safely and watch TV or some other brain dead activity.

 

A long time ago my life was an utter mess and I was miserable, and I thought well I'm not going to feel better today no matter what I do but if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other it's bound to get better eventually.  Certainly many trials and tribulations since then but gradually things have definitely improved.

Hi Hayduke,

 

How long did it take you to get through withdrawals? What symptoms did you have? 

 

Priscilla

[Priscilla]

When you're not yourself for 5 months one begins to lose hope of getting better. I know people say it can take years to heal but for some reason it is hard for me to believe that. I would love to look back 2-5 years from now and be well but I just don't believe it is possible. I wish I could be convinced that healing is in my future, but when you feel bad day after day, feeling bad becomes the norm and it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or to believe that there is a light. In defense of those who say that I will heal, I have been feeling good today, I just dread the moment when I will start feeling bad again as it seems inevitable. I know you are supposed to live in the present but it is hard for me to focus on windows when I know a wave is eventually coming. I wish someone could convince me that I'm going to better. On a side note, I just don't understand how we live in so called developed countries and be dished out medicines that cause harm. As usual thanks for reading and/or responding. 

[Priscilla]

Update: I'm currently feeling good it's just so hard to appreciate this moment when I know just an hour ago I wasn't feeling too good. I know I probably should enjoy this moment but when I know I will inevitably feel bag again and that this is not permanent, it is hard to appreciate it. I hope this moment of feeling good does in fact mean that I'm healing like I read somewhere on this site. 

[Priscilla]

As negative as my posts tend to be, I feel obliged to write when actually I''m feeling good, which is now. I've been searching the net all day in good spirits. I hope to God this means I'm in fact healing. Cheers. 

[Priscilla]

Update: I've been feeling functional for 3 hours now. I hope this lasts. Will update soon.

[Priscilla]

6 Hour Update as promised: So far I'm still feeling okay, I have to admit there are moments where I'm not sure if I'm feeling good or bad ( I know that doesnt seem to make sense but its how I feel) but overall I'm okay. I hope I can make a FULL recovery. 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Priscilla,

You had sent me this ? in PM, on April 29th:  how long does it take for the fish oil and magnesium to start working?

 

Best to keep questions out here on your introduction, or in topic in our symptoms and self care forum: 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids(fish oil)

 

That way the whole community can benefit, and your journal/introduction is updated as well.

I've also been taking a bit of a break.  I should be back more regularly in another couple of weeks.

 

I found the effect from Magnesium to be pretty immediate......in that it offered up calming, relaxed benefits to me back when I was in really some of the more acute stages of WD and healing.  I still use it too, from time to time.

 

The Omega 3's(fish oil) effect, for me, was or has never been as immediately effective, as the magnesium.  But I do believe, that it offers up some further nervous system stability.   Something so badly needed when coming off of neuroactive psychotropic medications and beyond.  

 

I'm now up to 1800 mg/daily with my Omega 3 capsules too!  I split it into taking the frozen capsules X2/day.    Which is great, I think. 

 

Okie doke.  Best.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

[Priscilla]

6 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Priscilla,

You had sent me this ? in PM, on April 29th:  how long does it take for the fish oil and magnesium to start working?

 

Best to keep questions out here on your introduction, or in topic in our symptoms and self care forum: 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids(fish oil)

 

That way the whole community can benefit, and your journal/introduction is updated as well.

I've also been taking a bit of a break.  I should be back more regularly in another couple of weeks.

 

I found the effect from Magnesium to be pretty immediate......in that it offered up calming, relaxed benefits to me back when I was in really some of the more acute stages of WD and healing.  I still use it too, from time to time.

 

The Omega 3's(fish oil) effect, for me, was or has never been as immediately effective, as the magnesium.  But I do believe, that it offers up some further nervous system stability.   Something so badly needed when coming off of neuroactive psychotropic medications and beyond.  

 

I'm now up to 1800 mg/daily with my Omega 3 capsules too!  I split it into taking the frozen capsules X2/day.    Which is great, I think. 

 

Okie doke.  Best.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Hi manymoretodays,

 

Thanks for your response. I read somewhere that you are a zyprexa survivor. How long did it take for you to heal from zyprexa?

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Priscilla 

[Priscilla]

Update: I'm having a so-so day. It's one of those days that has me questioning that I will ever heal. I hope what people say proves to be true and that I heal because this is so unfair. I took a "medicine" and now I'm sick, and I'm in a well regarded country at that. Will update again with details on how today goes. 

[Priscilla]

Does it make sense to not know if you're feeling good or bad?

[Priscilla]

Today I saw pictures from my old school's reunion and that made me feel a little down that I'm not in a good state to attend. Aside from that, I've been feeling okay today. 

 

Positives:

 

I feel well enough to write this

 

I went shopping for Ramadan breakfast foods today

 

Coping mechanisms moving forward:

 

1) I will try to remind myself that this too shall pass

 

2) I try to remind myself that many people have taken zyprexa and are well now, some have even taken it for much longer and at much higher doses than I have

 

All words of encouragement and or reassurance that I will heal are always welcome

 

Thanks,

 

Priscilla 

[manymoretodays]

On 5/7/2019 at 11:59 PM, Priscilla said:

Hi manymoretodays,

 

Thanks for your response. I read somewhere that you are a zyprexa survivor. How long did it take for you to heal from zyprexa?

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Priscilla 

 

Hi Priscilla!

And nice job on your journaling/introduction here.

 

So I'm seeing, from your signature that you took/were prescribed Zyprexa in September and November of 2018.  Do you remember the dose that you took?  And did you take it once a day or twice a day?

I got up to 5 mg twice a day, when I took it.  And oh my gosh.......that was the most deadened period of my life.  I was also on a SSNRI type of AD at the time. 

It was my first neuroleptic/aka antipsychotic/aka tranquilizer/aka mood stabilizer.

 

The Zyprexa, at a total of 10 mg/day started to effect my liver enzymes too.  I had yellow sclera(the white part of my eyes) as a result of this.  So then it was on to Seroquel, Depakote, Trileptal, Geodon, and umm.......possibly a few more in the way of mood stabilizers in addition to my SSNRI.  My liver got better pretty quickly after I was off the Zyprexa and remains in great shape. 

So......in answer to your question.  I don't exactly know how long until I healed from just the Zyprexa, as I continued on the medication merry go round for quite a few years after.  I'm estimating that I was on Zyprexa back around 2000 or 2001 or 2002.  AND, I've almost got to be thankful to my psychiatrist/prescriber at that time.........as she was a bit hesitant, to get me started in that direction.  And I just did not know better then, either.  It was somewhere around 2010 or 2012 that I began learning more and discovered that, for me, my medications were more my problem.........rather than the initial stress and situational "depression" that landed me in a shrinks office.

 

Okay, hope today is a good one for you Priscilla,

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

 

Edited May 10, 2019 by manymoretodays

[Priscilla]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

 

Hi Priscilla!

And nice job on your journaling/introduction here.

 

So I'm seeing, from your signature that you took/were prescribed Zyprexa in September and November of 2018.  Do you remember the dose that you took?  And did you take it once a day or twice a day?

I got up to 5 mg twice a day, when I took it.  And oh my gosh.......that was the most deadened period of my life.  I was also on a SSNRI type of AD at the time. 

It was my first neuroleptic/aka antipsychotic/aka tranquilizer/aka mood stabilizer.

 

The Zyprexa, at a total of 10 mg/day started to effect my liver enzymes too.  I had yellow sclera(the white part of my eyes) as a result of this.  So then it was on to Seroquel, Depakote, Trileptal, Geodon, and umm.......possibly a few more in the way of mood stabilizers in addition to my SSNRI.  My liver got better pretty quickly after I was off the Zyprexa and remains in great shape. 

So......in answer to your question.  I don't exactly know how long until I healed from just the Zyprexa, as I continued on the medication merry go round for quite a few years after.  I'm estimating that I was on Zyprexa back around 2000 or 2001 or 2002.  AND, I've almost got to be thankful to my psychiatrist/prescriber at that time.........as she was a bit hesitant, to get me started in that direction.  And I just did not know better then, either.  It was somewhere around 2010 or 2012 that I began learning more and discovered that, for me, my medications were more my problem.........rather than the initial stress and situational "depression" that landed me in a shrinks office.

 

Okay, hope today is a good one for you Priscilla,

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

 

I was on 5mg taken at night. Thanks for the well wishes. 

[Priscilla]

Update: So far I'm feeling okay today. As always, although I'm feeling good, the memory of not feeling good just yesterday is getting in the way of me relishing this moment. I hope I heal and need to remind myself that the realistic protocol for healing is years per this website so I definitely need to be patient. 

[Priscilla]

Update: I went out today and was feeling fine. Now not so much. I guess it's the windows and waves. I think I would feel better if I knew that this meant that I'm healing. I can't wait to look back on this and say that I have healed 100%. I still don't understand why I'm in so much agony from having took "medicine." I guess as long as they never give these toxins to prominent people there will never be change. By and large people who take these medicines are ignored so if they report a symptom it will be brushed off as being in their head. I know this first hand. When I was in psych, I told the doctor that zyprexa made me ill and she said it was not possible. No wonder these drugs are still on the market. No one believes someone who has a "mental illness" diagnosis. I'm just waiting for the day that they give the wrong person these meds so they can stop giving them out like candy. 

[Priscilla]

Update: Today was rough, but after I had a long nap (about 10 hours long) I started feeling better. I'm currently feeling okay. I don't get it. In the beginning of the day I feel bad now I'm fine. Such fluctuations are hard to adjust to. Could it be that I needed rest and that's why I wasn't feeling well? But then again healing could take years so I guess I need to be patient. I really think it would help me if I believed that I was going to heal. When you've been sick for half a year that is hard to believe. 

[Priscilla]

Update: I'm currently in a window. If these keep up I will be able to get back to work and school and be a productive citizen. Hoping for the best. 

[Priscilla]

Update: From at least 3:45 until at least 12pm I've been in a window. That's about 9 hours of a window. I'm still feeling okay. I hope this is for real and that it is indicative of my healing. 

[Benzhelp]

Hi Priscilla,

 

Glad to hear about your window, may it last long. You have been through a lot, I am so sorry to hear of your suffering. Wishing you Healing, Love and light. Please be gentle on yourself and take good care <3

[RichT]

4 hours ago, Priscilla said:

Update: From at least 3:45 until at least 12pm I've been in a window. That's about 9 hours of a window. I'm still feeling okay. I hope this is for real and that it is indicative of my healing. 

 

‘Great news Priscilla!

[Priscilla]

5 hours ago, Benzhelp said:

Hi Priscilla,

 

Glad to hear about your window, may it last long. You have been through a lot, I am so sorry to hear of your suffering. Wishing you Healing, Love and light. Please be gentle on yourself and take good care ❤️

Thanks.

 

Priscilla

[Priscilla]

1 hour ago, RichT said:

 

‘Great news Priscilla!

Thanks,

 

 

Priscilla 

[Priscilla]

Update: Even after 6 months of being free of zyprexa it is still difficult to accept when I'm in a wave. Today I experienced a wave (briefly, I'm feeling fine now) and at that moment I thought it would be forever. I guess it's true, 4 steps forward, 5 steps backward, 5 steps forward, 4 steps backward, or something like that. I just hope this back and forth of sometimes feeling good sometimes feeling bad really means that I'm healing. 

[Priscilla]

Update: I'm still in a slight depression because of the recent wave that I had. I guess it's hard for me to accept that waves are a part of healing otherwise I would not be depressed. Can anyone reassure me that waves are in fact an inevitable part of the healing process? Thanks in advance,

 

Priscilla 

[RichT]

3 hours ago, Priscilla said:

Update: I'm still in a slight depression because of the recent wave that I had. I guess it's hard for me to accept that waves are a part of healing otherwise I would not be depressed. Can anyone reassure me that waves are in fact an inevitable part of the healing process? Thanks in advance,

 

Priscilla 

 

They most certainly are!

[Priscilla]

Update: I've lost hope that I will heal simple because it's been 6 months of this. The funny thing is, I don't even feel sick right now (I guess I'm in a window) but it is hard for me to appreciate the moment when I know any second now I'll be in a wave again. Thanks for reading this brief update.

 

Priscilla 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Priscilla,

Don't be losing hope. 

Have you found your way around the site yet?

Some of the stuff I found that was helpful to me early on was in:

Finding Meaning

and

Off Topic

You can just go to the Home Page and scroll down and you might find something in either of those Forums that distracts or helps, or that you want to comment on or add to.

 

What kind of symptoms are you having?  Is it the low feelings mainly or other kinds of symptoms?

 

Some of the non-drug coping in Symptoms and self care may help.

There's a whole indexed list to explore at the end of the first post in that link above.

 

Are you getting some outside time in and gentle exercise?

Are you sleeping okay?

 

Journaling was and is still very helpful to me. 

Music can help quite a bit as well.  Music for self care

One of the mods put together Music Therapy/Music for Wellness and Healing that you might find something in, that helps.

 

I keep/kept a regular calendar going, noting with color coding, when I had good days and then tougher days.  That way I could see the blocks of improvement.  I'd also note the things that I was doing day to day.

 

Just passing on some Hope and ideas for you today,

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

Gentle hugs,

mmt

 

 

[Gridley]

On 5/15/2019 at 12:08 AM, Priscilla said:

Update: I'm still in a slight depression because of the recent wave that I had. I guess it's hard for me to accept that waves are a part of healing otherwise I would not be depressed. Can anyone reassure me that waves are in fact an inevitable part of the healing process? Thanks in advance,

 

 

 

Maybe the analogy below will help in understanding that waves and windows are an inevitable part of healing.  Healing is constantly ongoing.

Windows are when the body has got it right briefly and windows are when the body is rearranging things to get back to normalcy.  

 

   On 12/3/2015 at 10:41 AM,  apace41 said: 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

[Priscilla]

9 minutes ago, Gridley said:

 

Maybe the analogy below will help in understanding that waves and windows are an inevitable part of healing.  Healing is constantly ongoing.

Windows are when the body has got it right briefly and windows are when the body is rearranging things to get back to normalcy.  

 

   On 12/3/2015 at 10:41 AM,  apace41 said: 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

Thanks a lot Gridley.

 

Priscilla 

[Priscilla]

16 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Priscilla,

Don't be losing hope. 

Have you found your way around the site yet?

Some of the stuff I found that was helpful to me early on was in:

Finding Meaning

and

Off Topic

You can just go to the Home Page and scroll down and you might find something in either of those Forums that distracts or helps, or that you want to comment on or add to.

 

What kind of symptoms are you having?  Is it the low feelings mainly or other kinds of symptoms?

 

Some of the non-drug coping in Symptoms and self care may help.

There's a whole indexed list to explore at the end of the first post in that link above.

 

Are you getting some outside time in and gentle exercise?

Are you sleeping okay?

 

Journaling was and is still very helpful to me. 

Music can help quite a bit as well.  Music for self care

One of the mods put together Music Therapy/Music for Wellness and Healing that you might find something in, that helps.

 

I keep/kept a regular calendar going, noting with color coding, when I had good days and then tougher days.  That way I could see the blocks of improvement.  I'd also note the things that I was doing day to day.

 

Just passing on some Hope and ideas for you today,

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

Gentle hugs,

mmt

 

 

Hi mmt,

 

I go in and out of a depressive state (symptom). I have not been outside much but I did go outside yesterday and I felt good doing so. I'm sleeping a lot (12+ hours a day). Thanks for your suggestions, they will be taken into consideration. 

 

 

Priscilla 

[Priscilla]

Everyday I wake up and I'm not healed I give up hope. I guess it''s hard for me to accept and or believe that healing can take years. I keep expecting to feel good the next day and am disappointed when I don't. It doesn't help that there are people in a facebook support group that I'm a member of that are doing well after weeks for some and months for others. Anyone else experience this? Thanks in advance,

 

Priscilla 

[Gridley]

19 minutes ago, Priscilla said:

I guess it''s hard for me to accept and or believe that healing can take years.

 

For me, acceptance is very important.  It's much easier on the central nervous system, and that is a definite aid in healing.  

[Priscilla]

Update: Today was rough. I tried to sleep the day away as I was feeling that depressed. This is not fair, I'm going into month 6 of being zyprexa free. It doesn't help that I sometimes doubt that time will heal me. I think I could manage much better if I knew that in say 3 years from now I'd be fine. The ironic thing is, I feel fine right now and I know if you saw me you'd think I was fine, but in reality, I'm often not fine. Even when I

m feeling fine , it's hard for me to appreciate the moment because I know I'll be feeling bad again before you know it. I just hope all this up and down up and down does in fact mean that I'm healing. I think had the mods/admins not had I'm not a health professional disclaimer I would have more faith in what they say about healing coming in windows and wave. But then again I totally get it as I have a disclaimer too. I just wish someone could convince me that I'm going to heal in time. I'm just not convinced. This inability to have faith in healing in time may have something to do with watching my brother who takes meds not be able to work in 20 years. I don't want that to be my story. I'm so nervous for my future. Thanks for taking your time to read about my woes.

 

Cheers,

 

Priscilla  

[Priscilla]

Update: I'm not feeling too well. This is a different kind of sickness that I'm experiencing. Whereas physical illness I may not have been able to write , this illness I can write, walk, eat, sleep, from the looks of it I'm okay, but internally I'm fighting a difficult battle. I did not see the symptoms that I have on the WD checklist, only indirectly in the form of depression. Thanks for reading.

 

Cheers,

 

Priscilla