Mentor Happy2Heal Posted February 11, 2020 Mentor Share Posted February 11, 2020 22 minutes ago, Katy398 said: It seems pathetic but it’s all I want to hear, just constant, constant reassurance, Is that what others experience? that was my experience I also couldn't tolerate being alone it is NOT pathetic, it's totally outside your control I would put notes all over my house that said things like Feelings aren't facts and just because you feel scared doesn't mean there is really anything to be afraid of it WILL get better, honest gentle (((hugs))) PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PRIVATE MESSAGES, thank you. pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until Sept, then acute WD hit!! reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106 Tapered off to zero by Oct. 2017 Doing very well. Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content PRESENT DAYS: Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 Thank you @Happy2Heal, It’s wonderful to be surrounded by folk who really KNOW. I’ll replace pathetic with intriguing. I found a quote from @Aeroman which seems to fit the bill. “when in withdrawal, almost constant reassurance is needed. The temporarily compromised brain struggles to retain any words of encouragement and the heightened withdrawal-induced anxiety and organic fear can override all logic and take you off-track with the “what if?” catastrophizing thoughts. It’s difficult to understand if you haven’t been through withdrawal. Every day you need to hear that you’re going to be okay.” When I’m in the reassurance seeking mode I read through all my introduction post and read all the reassuring posts but for some reason I need a fresh one to help me move on. You’re right H2H I guess it’s not pathetic just Intriguing.how my broken brain behaves. Thank you H2H you’ve helped me through another couple of hours. @Rozon1 My symptoms are mainly emotional anxiety, loneliness, existential doom and dread and absolute fear. I did have a nervous tic and jerking which seems to have resolved itself.I still have a twitch in my eye and a numb hand when I sleep, if I sleep!!! I really felt calmer last week so being back here with a jolt is a shock to the system. Hope symptoms improve soon for you Rozon Sorry you too have the insomnia bug at the moment. Take care everyone and thank you 🙏Kx Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Dragon Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 Hi @Katy398 You did feel better last week. Hang on to that. It's your brain telling you that you will get better. Is this wave, in any small way, easier to bear than the last wave you had ? If you can find a small improvement,, that tells you the direction you're going. If you can't, just hang on to the fact that you had a brief window. It's pointing you to your destination. Stay hopeful.xx citalopram 20mg 2008-2011 venlafaxine 37 1/2 mg rising to 225 mg 2011- June 2019 gabapentin 900mg, started around 2005, came off quickly Nov 2019. valium 2mg when required for panic Sep-Nov 2019. Ativan 1mg when required for anxiety 1st-30th Nov 2019. Was addicted to valium in 1970s but came off it then, v.bad withdrawals. Now Lansoprazole 2/3 of 15mg. Magnesium Citrate, 1/5 oz or 5 gms in water. Fish oil 1000mg. upped to 2000mg Feb 2020. Link to comment
Snorky Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 15 minutes ago, Dragon said: Hi @Katy398 You did feel better last week. Hang on to that. It's your brain telling you that you will get better. Is this wave, in any small way, easier to bear than the last wave you had ? If you can find a small improvement,, that tells you the direction you're going. If you can't, just hang on to the fact that you had a brief window. It's pointing you to your destination. Stay hopeful.xx Hi K & D If it’s amy consolation, I thought I’d experienced a bit of a window in my awful psychological symptoms last night. For the first time in months, I didn’t have the usual mental pressure feeling. Had the stomach churning and insomnia, but not the mental anguish feeling. Spoke too soon. Woke up to be bombarded with massive depressive feelings and restlessness. Hope your situation improves. Cymbalta 2007 Lyrica 2010 Venlafaxine 2010-2018 Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25) CT 10 Sept 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019 CT 24 Nov 2019 Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only) Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 Thank you @Snorky , Dragon and @Happy2Heal, It’s a really bad wave after thinking that This year is definitely better than last. Unfortunately terror, tears and fear are back. I’m frightened of life and end up with SI. Such a terrible place to be. I’ve tried to search but can’t find what I’m looking for. What is supposed to be happening in my brain during these terrible waves? mindfulness morning and night is giving me a bit of an anchor but I’m struggling to hold it together during the day. Work is a distraction but weekends really challenge me. I can’t seem to stick to a structure. I am still amazed that this has not hit the headlines and that all the current affairs documentaries are not running stories. Maybe we are just a small minority? Thank you everyone for all your valuable support. I am so grateful. Warm regards K Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Snorky Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 30 minutes ago, Katy398 said: Thank you @Snorky , Dragon and @Happy2Heal, It’s a really bad wave after thinking that This year is definitely better than last. Unfortunately terror, tears and fear are back. I’m frightened of life and end up with SI. Such a terrible place to be. I’ve tried to search but can’t find what I’m looking for. What is supposed to be happening in my brain during these terrible waves? mindfulness morning and night is giving me a bit of an anchor but I’m struggling to hold it together during the day. Work is a distraction but weekends really challenge me. I can’t seem to stick to a structure. I am still amazed that this has not hit the headlines and that all the current affairs documentaries are not running stories. Maybe we are just a small minority? Thank you everyone for all your valuable support. I am so grateful. Warm regards K Long time no speak K Can you explain SI? Sorry to be so dumb. Thanks Cymbalta 2007 Lyrica 2010 Venlafaxine 2010-2018 Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25) CT 10 Sept 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019 CT 24 Nov 2019 Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only) Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted February 17, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) 35 minutes ago, Katy398 said: Maybe we are just a small minority? I would tend to think we are a good bit more than a small minority. One reason doctors don't recognize withdrawal (aside from being told it doesn't exist by the drug companies) is that when their patients complain of symptoms after coming off a drug the doctors chalk it up to "return of the underlying condition" and prescribe another drug and then another. Very slowly the information is coming out. The psychiatric association of the U.K. recently changed its guidelines, which previously denied significant lengthy withdrawal. Now they warn about the danger of prolonged severe withdrawal. UK's NICE health guidelines now caution about severe and ... Edited February 17, 2020 by Gridley Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 Suicide ideation Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Snorky Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 2 minutes ago, Katy398 said: Suicide ideation Sorry. Yes, of course. Should have realised after recent episode with my son (drafting email to Samaritans) Cymbalta 2007 Lyrica 2010 Venlafaxine 2010-2018 Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25) CT 10 Sept 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019 CT 24 Nov 2019 Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only) Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 Thanks @Gridley I’m fully aware that the UK are slowly beginning to acknowledge withdrawal. unfortunately on the other side of the world surrounded by harsh work colleagues and doctors I sometimes get completely despondent with this whole scandal that I’ve been thrown into. This wave is a bad one. Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted February 17, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 17, 2020 13 minutes ago, Gridley said: I would tend to think we are a good bit more than a small minority. One reason doctors don't recognize withdrawal (aside from being told it doesn't exist by the drug companies) is that when their patients complain of symptoms after coming off a drug the doctors chalk it up to "return of the underlying condition" and prescribe another drug and then another. Very slowly the information is coming out. The psychiatric association of the U.K. recently changed its guidelines, which previously denied significant lengthy withdrawal. Now they warn about the danger of prolonged severe withdrawal. UK's NICE health guidelines now caution about severe and ... Ditto what Gridley said. We are not that small of a minority. In fact, I would say probably the majority of people given ADs who take them for at least a year find it difficult to get off, but most of them, like I did with my first bout, get through the acute period okay and then get hit a few months out with the delayed withdrawal. Which is diagnosed as "relapse" and then they're told they "need" the drugs for life or whatever. Well, now they do, I guess... Dr. Stuart Shipko sometimes advises people who have been on an AD for more than a year or two to not try to come off them at all because of the aftermath he has seen, although more recently he seems to be toying with the idea that a very long slow taper might work. Five-year tapers aren't really something doctors want to think about though, it seems like. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
Mentor Happy2Heal Posted February 17, 2020 Mentor Share Posted February 17, 2020 43 minutes ago, Rhiannon said: Dr. Stuart Shipko sometimes advises people who have been on an AD for more than a year or two to not try to come off them at all because of the aftermath he has seen really? wow, that's um, I don't even know what to think about this. I hope this same doctor is strongly recommended that people never be put on them. I've heard this drs name before but I don't know, is he a psychiatrist? no need to answer, I'll google it esp since now I'd love to know more about this guy Update, found him, author of Mad in America, seems like I should have known that LOL here's the only quote I could find about getting off SSRI's after being on them for a period of time: The difficulties that occur when patients stop SSRIs, particularly after 5 or more years on the drug, have not been fully acknowledged by physicians and citizen scientists alike. In my experience stopping SSRIs after 5 years of cumulative exposure can be risky, and I am not advising anyone who has taken the drugs for 10 years or more to try to stop unless they are willing to risk disabling symptoms PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PRIVATE MESSAGES, thank you. pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until Sept, then acute WD hit!! reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106 Tapered off to zero by Oct. 2017 Doing very well. Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content PRESENT DAYS: Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs Link to comment
pinciukas Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 51 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said: really? wow, that's um, I don't even know what to think about this. I hope this same doctor is strongly recommended that people never be put on them. I've heard this drs name before but I don't know, is he a psychiatrist? no need to answer, I'll google it esp since now I'd love to know more about this guy Update, found him, author of Mad in America, seems like I should have known that LOL here's the only quote I could find about getting off SSRI's after being on them for a period of time: The difficulties that occur when patients stop SSRIs, particularly after 5 or more years on the drug, have not been fully acknowledged by physicians and citizen scientists alike. In my experience stopping SSRIs after 5 years of cumulative exposure can be risky, and I am not advising anyone who has taken the drugs for 10 years or more to try to stop unless they are willing to risk disabling symptoms It’s me 3 times tried to tapper and failed. Sad but I don’t believe i can quit SSRI I am on it for around 12 years. In low dose under 10 mg especially under 7 mg I can’t function anxiety 24/7 high blood pressure panic attacks I can’t work I can’t sleep. Last time I had this 2 weeks lost a lot of weight couldn’t eat and so on. Called crisis center because I tried to commit suicide. Then I reinstated and came back normal again. It is crazy and my tappering was super slow. Probably not everyone can quit after long term use. AD: Seroxat since 2005 20 mg and tapering from March 2018 10% every 4 weeks. 15-11-2019 down to 5.5 mg 28-12-2019 crashed really bad on 5.5mg 01-01-2020 updose to 7mg 16-01-2020 Updose to 9 mg Benzos: Bromazepam 1.5 mg daily since 2015 Quit CT Bromazepam 16-01-2020 No withdrawals Occasionally 1.5 mg extra Last extra 1.5 mg 12-01-2020 Link to comment
Mentor Happy2Heal Posted February 17, 2020 Mentor Share Posted February 17, 2020 10 minutes ago, pinciukas said: It’s me 3 times tried to tapper and failed. Sad but I don’t believe i can quit SSRI I am on it for around 12 years. In low dose under 10 mg especially under 7 mg I can’t function anxiety 24/7 high blood pressure panic attacks I can’t work I can’t sleep. Last time I had this 2 weeks lost a lot of weight couldn’t eat and so on. Called crisis center because I tried to commit suicide. Then I reinstated and came back normal again. It is crazy and my tappering was super slow. Probably not everyone can quit after long term use. I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties trying to get off SSRI I tried many times (always way too quickly!!) to get off the SSRI and it was awful, til I found out it had to be done super SUPER slowly Did you reduce your dose very slowly @pinciukas? I was finally able to get off of the drug after being on it for about 15 yrs and I've been off now for over 2yrs!!! and doing great! getting off was brutal, I admit, but at least partly because, even when I knew better, I went too fast Dr Shipko isn't saying that people *can't* get off the SSRI's, I think- he seems to be saying that it's very difficult and you need to be prepared for a long slow and often symptomatic withdrawal I think many, if not most, people who want to get off, do eventually get off. But I don't know if there's any real data on that. I'm basing my opinion on what I've seen here and from conversations and things I've read elsewhere. Someone should try to track this, but it's hard since there's still so much denial and/or ignorance in the medical and psychiatric communities about psych drug WD difficulties. PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PRIVATE MESSAGES, thank you. pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until Sept, then acute WD hit!! reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106 Tapered off to zero by Oct. 2017 Doing very well. Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content PRESENT DAYS: Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs Link to comment
Rozon1 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Hey @Katy398 I was going to ask. How would you compare your life now compared to your life a year ago when you CTd off. Would you say you’ve improved? Example: 2018 - Started Effexor 37.5 in Janurary of 2018 2019 January, 2nd - Cold Turkeyed from Effexor for 3 days. Reinstated on the third day, then stabilized(It took 3 months to stabilize) 2019 June - I switched from Effexor instant release to Extended Release 37.5 for better tapering. I tapered to 50% in 4 weeks before reinstating my dosage back to 37.5(due to withdrawls). I waited 2 months to stabilize but never did at 37.5 2019 September - continued to taper in to 25% on extended release 2019 October - continued to taper to half of the beads(18.75mg)... WIthdrawls were so bad I tried switching back to the instant release at the same dosage(18.75mg) 2019 November 28th - Discontinued effexor at 18.75 without anymore tapering. 2020 January - Just can't sleep, have constipation, low libido and still lack of full emotion Link to comment
pinciukas Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 12 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said: I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties trying to get off SSRI I tried many times (always way too quickly!!) to get off the SSRI and it was awful, til I found out it had to be done super SUPER slowly Did you reduce your dose very slowly @pinciukas? I was finally able to get off of the drug after being on it for about 15 yrs and I've been off now for over 2yrs!!! and doing great! getting off was brutal, I admit, but at least partly because, even when I knew better, I went too fast Dr Shipko isn't saying that people *can't* get off the SSRI's, I think- he seems to be saying that it's very difficult and you need to be prepared for a long slow and often symptomatic withdrawal I think many, if not most, people who want to get off, do eventually get off. But I don't know if there's any real data on that. I'm basing my opinion on what I've seen here and from conversations and things I've read elsewhere. Someone should try to track this, but it's hard since there's still so much denial and/or ignorance in the medical and psychiatric communities about psych drug WD difficulties. Yes last time i tapered down almost 2 years from 20 mg to 5.5 mg. Like I don’t have side effects on SSRI i feel good but i can’t quit. It’s crazy i don’t know what to do i would like to quit but after 3rd attempt i am just afraid to do it again. I see here people having WD symptoms for 3-5 years I am young and don’t want to spend so much time in hell bedridden because those WD symptoms on low dose makes me disable that’s the problem i can’t stay at home because i can’t survive without work and money I can’t stay at my parents place it is very difficult situation. I can try to survive those WD for 1 year but I just can’t stay for so long at home and my WD are bad like i told AD: Seroxat since 2005 20 mg and tapering from March 2018 10% every 4 weeks. 15-11-2019 down to 5.5 mg 28-12-2019 crashed really bad on 5.5mg 01-01-2020 updose to 7mg 16-01-2020 Updose to 9 mg Benzos: Bromazepam 1.5 mg daily since 2015 Quit CT Bromazepam 16-01-2020 No withdrawals Occasionally 1.5 mg extra Last extra 1.5 mg 12-01-2020 Link to comment
Dragon Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 Hi Katy, I too am going through a bad wave at the moment as you know. Please look at @Happy2Heal's recovery story(ies). She got better and did a recovery story, then got even better and did another one.🙂 I think I understood her sequence of events properly.....There are also lots of other good recovery stories on this site. Give your attention to those. After all, there's nowhere else to go with it if you've been off too long to re-instate. Also, you have had windows and that's a pointer to your destination. It's long and hard, but you'll make it, so will we all. citalopram 20mg 2008-2011 venlafaxine 37 1/2 mg rising to 225 mg 2011- June 2019 gabapentin 900mg, started around 2005, came off quickly Nov 2019. valium 2mg when required for panic Sep-Nov 2019. Ativan 1mg when required for anxiety 1st-30th Nov 2019. Was addicted to valium in 1970s but came off it then, v.bad withdrawals. Now Lansoprazole 2/3 of 15mg. Magnesium Citrate, 1/5 oz or 5 gms in water. Fish oil 1000mg. upped to 2000mg Feb 2020. Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 18, 2020 Author Share Posted February 18, 2020 Thank you to those of you who are supporting me. It really helps to receive encouragement, when I’m stuck in these deep dark times. You are right @Dragon I have had windows and I will have them again. Waves seem to trap me in a shroud of despair and I cannot see beyond them. I seem to have no memory of past windows. Then when in a window I have such faith that I will be able to ride the next wave with a little more ease. Unfortunately I fear even after over a year in I have so much to learn about how to ride the these waves. The WDnormal is easier to manage, the shooting anxiety I have learnt to accept and live with but the terror that grips me when in the deep, dark abyss continue to get the better of me.I now realise that I’ve had two significant stresses in the last few weeks I wonder if these were the catalyst. Of course 8 hours ago, Dragon said: It's long and hard, but you'll make it, so will we all. Thank you @Dragonsometimes all I need is a heart felt sentence like this. Best wishes to all. We will all heal, we really will 🧡 Kx 2 Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 21, 2020 Author Share Posted February 21, 2020 I could really do with some words of encouragement. My dread of weekends used to start Saturday morning, this week it was driving home Friday afternoon. I feel so sad weekends are a struggle. My family are really supportive but its hard to find distractions during the weekends. Sadly I thought things had shifted this year, but no. Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted February 21, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 21, 2020 39 minutes ago, Katy398 said: My dread of weekends used to start Saturday morning, this week it was driving home Friday afternoon. I understand. The time can stretch out without distractions. I hope you feel better soon. Two weekend distractions that might help are reading success stores and a gentle walk in nature. We all all behind you and feel for you. 1 Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 21, 2020 Author Share Posted February 21, 2020 Thank you Gridley. It’s so tough. Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Snorky Posted February 21, 2020 Share Posted February 21, 2020 Unfortunately, “walks in nature” do nothing to lift my mood or symptoms. This includes a park with loads of wildlife and a visit to a zoo to feed the tigers. You can imagine that these activities would tick all the boxes for distractions. Not for me though...... Sorry to be a harbinger of doom again Cymbalta 2007 Lyrica 2010 Venlafaxine 2010-2018 Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25) CT 10 Sept 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019 CT 24 Nov 2019 Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only) Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 21, 2020 Author Share Posted February 21, 2020 @Snorky It’s so tough for me today which it why I posted this. 2 hours ago, Katy398 said: I could really do with some words of encouragement Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
mdwstrx Posted February 21, 2020 Share Posted February 21, 2020 Hi Katy. I've seen some of your posts and read a bit through your thread. First, my heart goes out to you and others dealing with PAWS. I am not experiencing PAWS, but I know how awful waves can be. I had 4-5 months of waves (and windows), some severe, after Dr. told me to stop at 2.5 mg. of generic Lexapro. Thankfully, a reinstatement worked and I've been able to resume tapering. I know we're all different. However, I'd like to share what helped me. First and foremost, I asked Jesus for and then received extra faith to believe this: Mark 11:24 : Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. It was so, not immediately, but fully within 4-5 months. The other things that helped: This website and the incredible administrator, staff and members. 2.5 mg of propranolol as needed (for the akathesia like symptoms I experienced ) I also had to take OTC nausea meds to counteract nausea from the Propanolol. No other drugs (including alcohol and caffeine) No supplements other than the fish oil and magnesium recommended by SA. The fish oil really helped me to sleep if I took it right before bed. No stress in my life (I'm retired) Knowing I had family and friends in the background Routine 10:00 bedtime Relatively healthy diet Mindfulness (Headspace.com) ASMR videos including the Christian artists reading scripture which calmed and reassured me. Daily exercising (raquet sports) which incorporated a social aspect (There was a 2-3 week period where symptoms didn't allow) Epsom salt baths. I know we can't compare a CT/PAWS to a CT/successful reinstatement. However, I do believe with my whole heart that you have the power available to you to overcome this. Both science and my faith says so. 💜 Feel free to pm me anytime if you need to talk. Md 🌼 1997 Prozac ?mg 1991 Sertraline ?mg 2002 Escitalopram 10 mg 2018 2.5 mg - stopped by Dr./Reinstated, up-dosed to 7.5 mg 04/19 Began BM slide @7.5 mg CURRENT 0.32 mg 🌼 "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." Mark 9:23 Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 22, 2020 Author Share Posted February 22, 2020 Thank you so much Md, It’s so kind of you to offer support. I am working on most of your suggestions. Even saving up for new bathroom so I can have epsom salt baths!! I try to offer support to others which seems to really help give me a sense of purpose in this lonely, disconnected world we get thrown into. Sometimes when I’m really struggling all I can do is curl up and ‘lick’ my wounds. Self indulgent but it’s all I can manage. Thanks again Md you’re a gem🧡 Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 22, 2020 Author Share Posted February 22, 2020 7 hours ago, Gridley said: Two weekend distractions that might help are reading success stores and a gentle walk in nature. Thanks Gridley I’ve done both and managed to pop into a shop to buy a winter coat on the last day of the sale. I put it off for a month. All were a challenge but I did it thank you. Take care K 1 Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Mentor Happy2Heal Posted February 22, 2020 Mentor Share Posted February 22, 2020 44 minutes ago, Katy398 said: I’ve done both and managed to pop into a shop to buy a winter coat on the last day of the sale. I put it off for a month. All were a challenge but I did it thank you. way to go! ok my ignorance of geography is gonna show now: I didn't realize it ever got cold enough in Australia to need a winter coat! of course I'm in New England USA and we have at least 5 mos when we normally need coats, hats, gloves, boots, scarves, and often layers of clothes depending on the month and how far north you live LOL I was thinking recently how we have a full 6 mos when there's no leaves on the trees. It makes me wish I could afford to move further south, where winters are shorter and milder But alas, I'm not fond of the heat either, so........... I like to dream about what it would be like to live where it's never too hot nor too cold, but my hunch is that those places have a high cost of living- or some other flaw that I'd dislike. I think this is how I make myself happy to be where I am LOL was it you who wrote about wanting to have a tub to do epsom salt soaks? I know I saw that recently but now I can't find it...anyway if it's something you wanted to try, I got some relief from just soaking my feet in buckets with epsom salts and warm water. I don't know if you want to try that. If you're not allergic, lavender essential oil is supposed to be very soothing (I think it is, but I'm allergic to it) *edited to add, as something to smell, not ingest just tossing out random ideas, that may have nothing to do with where you're at now but might come in handy at some point you are so sweet and so polite, I admire how you can keep such a sunny disposition while you're going thru this PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PRIVATE MESSAGES, thank you. pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until Sept, then acute WD hit!! reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106 Tapered off to zero by Oct. 2017 Doing very well. Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content PRESENT DAYS: Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs Link to comment
Snorky Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 9 hours ago, Katy398 said: @Snorky It’s so tough for me today which it why I posted this. 9 hours ago, Katy398 said: @Snorky It’s so tough for me today which it why I posted this. Hi Katie Apologies for my unhelpful post. I’m glad you’ve had some constructive advice to pass the weekend. Ironically, I normally plan a few activities that makes the weekend bearable. V boring, but the odd restaurant meal, we also have regular church service, which seems to help with the loneliness. God bless Cymbalta 2007 Lyrica 2010 Venlafaxine 2010-2018 Amitriptyline October 2018-2019. (25, 50, 75, 100, 75, 50, 25) CT 10 Sept 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 5 mg 29 Oct 2019 Reinstate amitriptyline 2.5mg 19 Nov 2019 CT 24 Nov 2019 Vitamin D 16 Dec and Promethazine 25mg 16 Dec (one month only) Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 22, 2020 Author Share Posted February 22, 2020 Dearest @Happy2Heal,Thank you so much for your kind words you’ve given me a real lift on this challenging day., Before I moved here I also didn’t realise I would need a winter coat. I used to live in the UK and I have to say I have never been as cold in my life, as I have since I have moved out to Australia!! Melbourne can get cold but obviously not as cold as the uk. The challenge is that Australian houses are notoriously cold, not very well insulated if at all, compared to the northern hemisphere and they are often single glazed. We live in an old house which needs both. Add the dysfunctional Hypothalamus that WD brings and I’m freezing and it’s still Summer. I’ve invested in thermals and a down jacket to wear inside and out so I don’t go through another winter like last year. I am going to try the foot bath right now whilst watching television. I never thought of that Thank you. You’re such a support I’m so grateful to have you Here helping me at the moment. I confessed to a friend today that at times this WD leaves me feeling like I’m in a scene from the film Trainspotting. Her eyes glazed over I could tell she didn’t believe me. This site is invaluable, only fellow sufferers can truely understand what we go through. So pleased for you to have been able to write your Success Story. Congratulations. Take care H2H Thank youKx Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Katy398 Posted February 22, 2020 Author Share Posted February 22, 2020 Hi @Snorky Thank you hope you have a better day today. Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey Last dose end Dec 2018 Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for 14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!! 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long. On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx 5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day. Link to comment
Boris Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 On 2/11/2020 at 7:55 AM, Katy398 said: Thank you so so much @Happy2Heal I really appreciate your quick response I just need constant reassurance when I’m like this. It seems pathetic but it’s all I want to hear, just constant, constant reassurance, Is that what others experience? I so appreciate your support. Kx🧡 I remember this so strongly, all I would do is seek reassurance from family and friends. Nothing would imprint onto my brain that was positive, I repeated myself constantly. I was aware of it and that added more anxiety how I felt it changed my image to my friends. Also the dreading the weekend, I had this every weekend for quite a while. I remember people having that Friday feeling at work and me just feeling 10x worse. People could not understand and that's the problem with the withdrawal it seems to be so irrational. Good news is all that went and will for you. I was that bad on paxilprogress they actually said I might need to be on medication! It went from extreme to manageable and not stressing over it. Then it all suddenly just disappeared. 1 April 2007 - Seroxat 20mg August 2008 - Cold Turkey August 2009 - Cold Turkey November 2009 - Reinstatement adverse reaction akathesia/suicidal/anxiety March 2011 - Start taper November 2012 - Crash badly at 1.25mg akathesia/suicidal/extreme anxiety January 2013 - 5mg Seroxat, 300mg Lyrica April 2017 - Successfully get off Seroxat with taper followed by 4 month of withdrawal January 2018 - Start with constant urinary urge/pain/burning/genital sensations 2 week after anxiety/akathesia ends January 2019 - Started reducing Lyrica as I suspect it's causing frequent urination, tinnitus, fatigue, brain fog and mental decline. December 2019 - Off all pysch meds Link to comment
Mentor mstimc Posted February 22, 2020 Mentor Share Posted February 22, 2020 6 minutes ago, Boris said: I remember this so strongly, all I would do is seek reassurance from family and friends. Nothing would imprint onto my brain that was positive, I repeated myself constantly. I was aware of it and that added more anxiety how I felt it changed my image to my friends. Also the dreading the weekend, I had this every weekend for quite a while. I remember people having that Friday feeling at work and me just feeling 10x worse. People could not understand and that's the problem with the withdrawal it seems to be so irrational. Good news is all that went and will for you. I was that bad on paxilprogress they actually said I might need to be on medication! It went from extreme to manageable and not stressing over it. Then it all suddenly just disappeared. 13 hours ago, Katy398 said: I could really do with some words of encouragement. My dread of weekends used to start Saturday morning, this week it was driving home Friday afternoon. I feel so sad weekends are a struggle. My family are really supportive but its hard to find distractions during the weekends. Sadly I thought things had shifted this year, but no. I had the same dread of weekends. For me, work was somewhat therapeutic because it was structured and required me to concentrate on something besides my anxiety and OCD. It gave me a sense of "control" (at least the illusion of it). Weekends gave me the time to ruminate and create all sorts of crises. Like you, I forced myself to go out and do things--very low-key at first--and found I was enjoying myself again . I also made myself get out in the garage and do some woodworking; again, it required me to shift my concentration from my negative thoughts. Anything, even if it takes just a few minutes, that will stop the ruminating is very helpful. Keep trying! 1 Tim C Started Paxil for GAD in 1999 Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006 Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009 Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety Link to comment
Boris Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 1 minute ago, mstimc said: I had the same dread of weekends. For me, work was somewhat therapeutic because it was structured and required me to concentrate on something besides my anxiety and OCD. It gave me a sense of "control" (at least the illusion of it). Weekends gave me the time to ruminate and create all sorts of crises. Like you, I forced myself to go out and do things--very low-key at first--and found I was enjoying myself again . I also made myself get out in the garage and do some woodworking; again, it required me to shift my concentration from my negative thoughts. Anything, even if it takes just a few minutes, that will stop the ruminating is very helpful. Keep trying! I did the same with computer artwork. I thought if I'm stuck with this for now on my own at weekends what I'll do is focus that energy into creating something and learn skills for work at the same time. At least I had control over the pixels on the screen. It actually got me promoted once I stabilised. I'm going through the same problem now with bladder caused by the meds. 2 April 2007 - Seroxat 20mg August 2008 - Cold Turkey August 2009 - Cold Turkey November 2009 - Reinstatement adverse reaction akathesia/suicidal/anxiety March 2011 - Start taper November 2012 - Crash badly at 1.25mg akathesia/suicidal/extreme anxiety January 2013 - 5mg Seroxat, 300mg Lyrica April 2017 - Successfully get off Seroxat with taper followed by 4 month of withdrawal January 2018 - Start with constant urinary urge/pain/burning/genital sensations 2 week after anxiety/akathesia ends January 2019 - Started reducing Lyrica as I suspect it's causing frequent urination, tinnitus, fatigue, brain fog and mental decline. December 2019 - Off all pysch meds Link to comment
Mentor mstimc Posted February 22, 2020 Mentor Share Posted February 22, 2020 1 minute ago, Boris said: I did the same with computer artwork. I thought if I'm stuck with this for now on my own at weekends what I'll do is focus that energy into creating something and learn skills for work at the same time. At least I had control over the pixels on the screen. It actually got me promoted once I stabilised. I'm going through the same problem now with bladder caused by the meds. I actually earned an exceptional performance award at work while in the middle of WD, too! Maybe channeling all that mental energy to something productive pays off. The ability to create something is incredibly empowering. That we can create something of beauty even in the depths of WD reaffirms that we can recover. Tim C Started Paxil for GAD in 1999 Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006 Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009 Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety Link to comment
Boris Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 6 minutes ago, mstimc said: I actually earned an exceptional performance award at work while in the middle of WD, too! Maybe channeling all that mental energy to something productive pays off. The ability to create something is incredibly empowering. That we can create something of beauty even in the depths of WD reaffirms that we can recover. Haha no way, I won a 3d art excellence award right in the middle of a wave as well. Like you said it gave me some empowerment and I'm sure it helped with recovery. 1 April 2007 - Seroxat 20mg August 2008 - Cold Turkey August 2009 - Cold Turkey November 2009 - Reinstatement adverse reaction akathesia/suicidal/anxiety March 2011 - Start taper November 2012 - Crash badly at 1.25mg akathesia/suicidal/extreme anxiety January 2013 - 5mg Seroxat, 300mg Lyrica April 2017 - Successfully get off Seroxat with taper followed by 4 month of withdrawal January 2018 - Start with constant urinary urge/pain/burning/genital sensations 2 week after anxiety/akathesia ends January 2019 - Started reducing Lyrica as I suspect it's causing frequent urination, tinnitus, fatigue, brain fog and mental decline. December 2019 - Off all pysch meds Link to comment
Mentor mstimc Posted February 22, 2020 Mentor Share Posted February 22, 2020 1 minute ago, Boris said: Haha no way, I won a 3d art excellence award right in the middle of a wave as well. As long as neither of us cuts off an ear, I think we're on the right track! 😄 Tim C Started Paxil for GAD in 1999 Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006 Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009 Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety Link to comment
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