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Katy398

Katy398: I’ve tapered too quickly, what should I do?

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Katy398

Oh Thank you for checking in Carmie,

To be honest I’m not too good. Only 8 months in.  The morning shock when waking is a very tough way start to the day. I feel brain damaged a scarred.

How is all this going for you.

Take care my thoughts are with you Kx

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ChessieCat

There are many existing topics on SA.  We like to keep similar information in one place so that it is easier to find.  Before creating a new topic, please either use the site search function or use google and add survivingantidepressants.org to your search term.

 

Your post has been moved here:

 

facial-tics-jaw-tongue-muscle-tension-and-pain-bruxism-teeth-clenching-tmj

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Carmie
On 9/12/2019 at 7:18 AM, Katy398 said:

Oh Thank you for checking in Carmie,

To be honest I’m not too good. Only 8 months in.  The morning shock when waking is a very tough way start to the day. I feel brain damaged a scarred.

How is all this going for you.

Take care my thoughts are with you Kx

 

Hi Katie, 

 

I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. Are you getting any windows? What are your symptoms like now? 

 

I remember going through severe morning shocks in the past too, it was when I was on high doses of Seroquel. I would wake up with such severe inner tremors. I hated going to sleep in the evening because I didn’t want to face the mornings. The best thing I found to do as soon as I woke up was to do something that would distract me, turn on music, turn on the lights, put on a DVD etc etc. I’m really ill with cfs and it’s extremely hard for me to get going in the morning, but distracting myself first thing was my survival mechanism. 

 

Please let me know how you’re doing, sending hugs🤗

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Katy398

Thank you Carnie for asking. I’m Ok some days and horrendous other days. Never know what the debilitating wake- up cortisol surge will bring. Most weeks bring a few suicidal days. I guess I’m in a living hell like most folk on this site. I hope things are getting a bit better for you. I’m impressed to see that you can reach out to other,  Thank you and congratulations.Kx

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HopeforHealing

Hi Katy,

 

How have you been doing?  I'm new here but explored SA for a month before signing up.  Your thread was one of the very first I came across when I discovered SA.  My heart goes out to you and your suffering.  I too did a FT/CT (much shorter than yours!) and found myself in debilitating withdrawal.  I am currently 8 months out from my last dose.  I believe you are about 10 months out from your last dose?

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Katy398

Hi @HopeforHealing

Thank you so much for checking in on me, so kind. I’m still in the thick of it. I’d like to find some talking therapy but finances are tight! 

How are things with you CT is tough. Did you decide not to reinstate as well?

what are your challenges at the moment?

I constantly say to myself that others have healed from this and that our turn will come as well. 

This forum can be such a support. When ever I get a message it seems to lift me and give me renewed hope. 

Take care @HopeforHealingkeep in touch Kx

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HopeforHealing

Hi Katy,

 

Finding a good therapist is so difficult.  I wish you best of luck in finding someone who is understanding and helpful.  In the meantime, perhaps a good self-help book (even for free from the library!) could help bridge the gap.  

 

I am on the fence about reinstatement.  I've had success with it several times in the past, but who knows what could happen if I try again.  One of my biggest challenges apart from my debilitated state is dealing with grief, anger, and loss.  I also haven't experienced any windows yet, which is very concerning to me.   😞

 

I am curious: were you continuously on the AD's in your signature for 20 years?  Or were there periods where you stopped and started?  I am wondering if maybe you previously experienced WD and didn't realize it at the time.  I know this certainly happened to me.

 

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Katy398

Hi @HopeforHealing,

I had a beef 3 week period trying to come off when I was so poorly and had young children at the time.  I just reinstated without any professional guidance. Yes it was definitely withdrawal back then as well.For me I think being in limbo regarding reinstating  was the hardest stage. 

There is a lot of support on here whatever decision you make. 

Hi ale care Kx

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Katy398

I Folks 

I just need some encouragement and this is the only place I can turn to. 

Im in a massive wave. I’m so scared of everything. How do others exist with this debilitating fear. The mindfulness and walks don’t seem to be working at the moment. Any support would be greatly appreciated. 

Kx

 

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Armorall

Remember that "this too shall pass". Count your blessings, remember that you are strong. Think about what a resilient person you will be when this is all over. 

 

Here's some words from Baylissa:

Today I let go of the struggle - of trying to control the process. I let go of any worrying "what if?" thoughts I may be having and allow things to unfold in the order, timing and synchronicity that is best for me.

I know I can get emotionally exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed when I fight or resist the way things are. I fare much better when I nurture myself, find positive distractions and patiently wait instead -- doing so gently, without judgement, and accepting that my reaction is normal.

Today, I make peace with my situation. Then I exhale and relax into the knowing that nature's innate intelligence is at work - repairing and renewing - and that a positive outcome is on the way.

I go with the flow of the river, trusting it to bring me home... to a state of good health and wellness... to recovery.

Sending healing thoughts and wishes,
Baylissa

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Katy398

Thank you so much Armorall for your beautiful response just what I needed. I forget all of this when I’m  in a wave and obviously the very nature of the wave makes me truely believe that this is me for the rest of my life. 

How are you Armorall? I hope you are fairing ok. 

Take care thanks again Kx

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Armorall

No problem, I'm glad to be of help. I'm doing well in the moment and going to bed soon, but glad you like the links. Peace and love to you. 

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Ballardbeer

Hey Katy, I just want to let you know I read your story and see the parallels with mine and want to let you know the outlook is always more positive as time goes by, even with a taper that goes too fast. No one can possibly know what you’re going through but seems like this website is the only place that seems to resemble the problem. As I’ve gotten better, I’ve taken up magnesium, fish oil, better diet, slower pace of life... it’s the whole picture that has to improve and even when I felt like I had nothing more to live for I remembered that we are all doing the best we can and it’s okay to be in a struggle today. 

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Katy398

Thank you so much Ballardbeer,

It’s good to know that someone with so many parallels to me is getting better. 

Even with all the folk on this site going through the same thing I can still feel so alone and it’s tough when a wave is so convincing at times that recovery will not be possible in my case. 

So yes thank you, someone with a very similar story getting better. 

Take care Kx

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Goosie

Waves are terrible but know they will eventually pass.   A year ago I thought it was the end of my world and that death was the only way out and now I am able to enjoy small pleasures again.    It is a slow process but you will get there.    Sending love ❤️ 

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Katy398

Thank you Goosie,

It’s so good to get support..I Hope for you that enjoying small pleasures continues. Kx

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Katy398

Hi Folks 

Not sure where to post this. Has anyone been on high doses of lexapro? It seems it was only licensed for use up to  20mgs doses and I was on 40 mgs How is this legal? 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3068950/

Any information would be welcomed. 

Take care everyone 

This too will pass

Kx

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Katy398
On 5/27/2011 at 12:16 PM, Altostrata said:

If you are taking 20mg of escitalopram, you are taking a hefty dose of an SSRI.

I was on 40 mgs

I’m 11 months drug free after a

fast track/cold turkey.

Went off much slower than Psychiatrist advised, as so many here have done. 

Dropped 1 tablet a week for 14 weeks!!!

 

Last dose was a 20 mg tablet!!!

I really did mess it up big time. 

Too late to reinstate in the 3 month time frame, now scared.

 

I’m obviously still in the tick of withdrawal but I’m scared of my prospects.

Has  anyone else been prescribed twice the licensed dose of  one of, if not the, strongest antidepressants in the market?

 

I’m too scared to reinstate at this late stage. It seems from what I’ve read here that reinstating could cause adverse affects and could make my symptoms worse. I don’t think I’d cope with symptoms getting worse than they already are. 

 

Severe Anxiety

intruding thoughts 

 catastrophizing

Insomnia 

weight loss

hair loss

suicidal thoughts

 

Are my main symptoms I’ve managed to keep my job by the skin of my teeth. I cannot afford to lose my job we only just manage financially as it is.

 

I’d really like some support. I know this site is to support tapering but I don’t know where else to go.

 

How can prescribing 40 mgs be legal? Lexapro  has only been licensed for a 20mg dose. 

I was never told that I was on double the licensed dose. 

 

Best wishes to you all Kx

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Altostrata

Katie, when did you last take Lexapro? How have your symptoms changed in the last 3 months?

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Katy398

Hi Alto

Thank you so much  for your prompt response. 

My last dose of lexapro was in the last week of Dec 2018 it was a 20 mg tablet.

Symptoms have changed.

Anger has subsided.

Body jerks only now happen at times of extreme stress.

Brain zaps have more or less stopped maybe a couple a week. 

 

Insomnia improved with homeopathic remedies for a while but since our clocks went back for summertime I am getting about 4.5 hours of sleep a night. 

I find it harder and harder to find the positives in life and although I try daily I find it so challenging to stay present, avoiding, regrets and looking back. 

Anxiety and fear are still as intense as the early days, it’s the duration throughout the day that has changed. obviously morning cortisol rush is the worst and has not eased up at all. Anxiety and fear now usually are present for  the first half of the day. 2 days out of 7 I may have anxiety all day, previously it seemed 24/7 with the odd free hour window.

Suicidal thoughts happen throughout the extreme prolonged anxiety days but seem to have eased on the other days. 

I have many other symptoms but I manage them better than the above

anhedonia 

disassociation 

brain frog

Constantly feeling cold 

lack of concentration

forgetfulness 

impaired cognitive functioning

blurred vision

the list goes on

 

Like so many I am scared of the completely unknown side effects these drugs may bring my way, particularly as I having gone  cold turkey on such a high dose of such a strong drug.  

 

I emailed many Professionals in the field (Whitaker, Kendrick, Breggin,  Gøtzsche etc) to ask for contacts in Melbourne, It was heartwarming that most got back to me Unfortunately there was no support in Melbourne that I could afford really. However David Healy thought it best staying off, since I’d been off so long.

 

The third month off when I found SA I was in such a neurological mess that I couldn’t take in the info I was sent. I didn’t realise there was a reinstating time limit and  by the time I’d sorted it out, it was too late to reinstate without possibility of getting worse.I was and still am very scared of losing my job.

 

Alto, can I ask was it legal for a psychiatrist to prescribe a dose twice as high as is licensed,  particularly as the strength was never disclosed? 

 

Thanks again Alto,

I hope one day you will be fully recognised for all you are doing.

 Kx

 

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Katy398
On 11/16/2019 at 1:58 PM, Katy398 said:

 

Hi Alto

Thank you so much  for your prompt response. 

My last dose of lexapro was in the last week of Dec 2018 it was a 20 mg tablet.

Symptoms have changed.

Anger has subsided.

Body jerks only now happen at times of extreme stress.

Brain zaps have more or less stopped maybe a couple a week. 

 

Insomnia improved with homeopathic remedies for a while but since our clocks went back for summertime I am getting about 4.5 hours of sleep a night. 

I find it harder and harder to find the positives in life and although I try daily I find it so challenging to stay present, avoiding, regrets and looking back. 

Anxiety and fear are still as intense as the early days, it’s the duration throughout the day that has changed. obviously morning cortisol rush is the worst and has not eased up at all. Anxiety and fear now usually are present for  the first half of the day. 2 days out of 7 I may have anxiety all day, previously it seemed 24/7 with the odd free hour window.

Suicidal thoughts happen throughout the extreme prolonged anxiety days but seem to have eased on the other days. 

I have many other symptoms but I manage them better than the above

anhedonia 

disassociation 

brain frog

Constantly feeling cold 

lack of concentration

forgetfulness 

impaired cognitive functioning

blurred vision

the list goes on

 

Like so many I am scared of the completely unknown side effects these drugs may bring my way, particularly as I having gone  cold turkey on such a high dose of such a strong drug.  

 

I emailed many Professionals in the field (Whitaker, Kendrick, Breggin,  Gøtzsche etc) to ask for contacts in Melbourne, It was heartwarming that most got back to me Unfortunately there was no support in Melbourne that I could afford really. However David Healy thought it best staying off, since I’d been off so long.

 

The third month off when I found SA I was in such a neurological mess that I couldn’t take in the info I was sent. I didn’t realise there was a reinstating time limit and  by the time I’d sorted it out, it was too late to reinstate without possibility of getting worse.I was and still am very scared of losing my job.

 

Alto, can I ask was it legal for a psychiatrist to prescribe a dose twice as high as is licensed,  particularly as the strength was never disclosed? 

 

Hi Alto,

what do you think. Should I sit it out seeing as I’m not getting worse at the moment.

Kx

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Altostrata
On 11/15/2019 at 6:58 PM, Katy398 said:

Alto, can I ask was it legal for a psychiatrist to prescribe a dose twice as high as is licensed,  particularly as the strength was never disclosed? 

 

Katy, it's probably legal but bad clinical practice. You might write a stiff letter of complaint to the head of the clinic where this psychiatrist practices, with a copy to the psychiatrist. If he or she is an independent practitioner, you might write to the appropriate licensing body in your state or country.

 

If you're not getting worse, we call that a "stable symptom pattern."

 

On 11/15/2019 at 3:47 PM, Katy398 said:

Severe Anxiety

intruding thoughts 

 catastrophizing

Insomnia 

weight loss

hair loss

suicidal thoughts

 

Can you explain more about your symptom pattern? Are you better or worse at any times of day? What's the nature of the anxiety sensations?

 

Have you seen any evidence of hypersensitivity to drugs, supplements, or foods? Are you light- or sound-sensitive?

 

Let's work on the sleep problem. Often if you make small changes, you can get it to improve little by little. See

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Path to Better Sleep FREE online for everyone from the US Veterans Administration

 

Music for self-care: Calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

What is the sleep cycle?

 

Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful

 

TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime


Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing cortisol spikes

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

You could try reinstating; it's more likely to work within a short amount of time off the drug. I would try only a very little bit to start, maybe 0.25mg or 0.5mg Prozac. But, be aware, it may make you feel worse, you'd have to recover from that.

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Katy398
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Can you explain more about your symptom pattern? Are you better or worse at any times of day? What's the nature of the anxiety sensations?

Anxiety is usually in the morning - Burning thread sensation running across my temples and down from my throat to my gut. No palpitations. This also happens throughout the day with triggers Song/photograph/comment etc but this has got less over the months.

Intruding thoughts- through the day no warning or trigger this has improved but is still an issue

Catastrophizing - As above and is improving but still an issue.

Insomnia - got better but now gone back to 4.30 wake up and not getting back to sleep use mask but not really helping.

Weight loss Still happening but not as rapid.

hair loss - new symptom not hand fulls but notice much more in brush after brushing.

 

Suicidal thoughts - still there but improving

 

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Have you seen any evidence of hypersensitivity to drugs, supplements, or foods? Are you light- or sound-sensitive

.  

Sensitive to sound not light.

Thanks so much Alto I feel better just having a bit of a plan and looking at symptoms in depth. I’m not going to reinstate at this stage. I’ll do as you suggest and focus on improving sleep. 

Thanks for all your support. Your an Angel 

take care Kx

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Altostrata

Have you darkened your bedroom with blackout shades, etc.? This may lessen the light stimulation in the morning.

 

A little improvement is promising. Please let us know how you're doing.

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Katy398

I have tried blackout maybe a slight improvement but I often rip the mask off in my sleep.

Its so hard not knowing how long. 

I struggle with finding a will to live through this fear and anxiety.Its a really tough time.  I’m coming up to 11 months drug free.  I just want to hide away from this scary overwhelming world.

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Goosie

You can do it.    It will get better.   

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EmergingFromTheVoid
30 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

I have tried blackout maybe a slight improvement but I often rip the mask off in my sleep.

Its so hard not knowing how long. 

I struggle with finding a will to live through this fear and anxiety.Its a really tough time.  I’m coming up to 11 months drug free.  I just want to hide away from this scary overwhelming world.

 

Hi Katy398, 

 

I'm so sorry that it's so difficult for you right now. Just breathe. Please trust and believe that things will improve. hugs

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Katy398

Thanks @EmergingFromTheVoid,

I know you’re right it’s just sometimes it just becomes so overwhelming. Weekends are always a challenge for me. 

Kx

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Altostrata

Katy, can you adjust the sleep mask so it stays on? Maybe use a nice soft scarf instead?

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EmergingFromTheVoid
15 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

Thanks @EmergingFromTheVoid,

I know you’re right it’s just sometimes it just becomes so overwhelming. Weekends are always a challenge for me. 

Kx

 

@Katy398 Would something like this help you sleep? Or maybe a wide, fabric headband that you put over your eyes instead? I have used travel eye masks like this before -- sometimes they are too lose so I knot the ends together to make it tighter. 

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Katy398

Thanks @EmergingFromTheVoidMine is like the latter I will ask for one like the former for Christmas in the meantime I’ll try your scarf idea Alto. Thanks for your support folks I’m sorry Im so negative I guess it’s the nature of the beast. 

Take care all 

Kx

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EmergingFromTheVoid

Anytime, @Katy398. You're just trying to function the best that you can, no need to say sorry for that. I hope you get some relief soon. 

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Katy398

Hi Folks,

I wanted to give an update but like so many, don’t want to jinx myself. Anyway here goes.... I think my sleep is improving. I’ve woken at 6ish for the last 3 mornings. It feels like I’ve had 20 hours deep sleep each time I wake up. I remember this feeling from years ago, when I’d catch the odd hours sleep, after nursing my newborn babes. It’s an incredible feeling. 

The cortisol rush still wake me and plagues me throughout the day but my exhaustion has definitely eased. 

I’ve just started a fish oil/ gut flora program with a naturopath. All for brain repair. By the way,  she said it is imperative to take fish oil at night

If taken during the day the body metabolises it rather than using it for brain repair. 

Thank you everyone for all your support,  I value it more than my level of eloquence can express. 

Take care each an every one of you.

We will get through this, those in the know keep telling us so. 

Kx

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sunnysideup69
35 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

 

I’ve just started a fish oil/ gut flora program with a naturopath. All for brain repair. By the way,  she said it is imperative to take fish oil at night

If taken during the day the body metabolises it rather than using it for brain repair. 

 

 

Firstly, hello, hope you're doing ok.

Was looking thru new activity and this caught my eye, thank you, am going to try switching time.

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