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☼ Katy398: I’ve tapered too quickly, what should I do?


Katy398

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Hi Folks,

Do any of you who are healed, have any insight into Apathy. It crept up on me over the 20 years on the meds. It now is debilitating, 14 months in WD since my FT/CT. I don’t understand why it is so so hard for me to get up and do the jobs around the house. I would love to hear that it disappears like the twitching and morning cortisol rushes. I have a terrible fear that it’s become a habit and I’m going to have to work really hard to heave myself up out of this lethargy abyss. I haven’t got the energy. 

Will I wake up one day and feel like doing the dishes just because they need doing without even thinking about the act of dragging myself over to the sink or am I going to have to work tirelessly to retrain my poor brain do DO instead of sit in this fog of fear. 

How did Apathy changed for you throughout your WD ?

Thank you to all of you who are supporting me through this I really appreciate every single moment you give. 

Best wishes to all K

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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Hi Katy

 

Yes, this was one of the most persistent and insidious effects of WD.  I think struggling to get back to a relatively stable place takes so much out of us, there's not much left for being enthusiastic about daily life.  The apathy will fade.  Is there something simple and easy you like to do that would make you look forward to getting up in the morning?  Even just making a good cup of coffee?

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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My left eyelid twitched for nearly a year then swapped to the right and disappeared. I also had the apathy and fatigue. I still have little points throughout the day where tasks seems like too much but it's nearly all gone. The fatigue was so hard to deal with.

 

Morning cortisol rushes were on and off for me throughout. I ended up accepting that I'll always have it and then they suddenly stopped a couple of years ago.

April 2007 -  Seroxat 20mg

August 2008 - Cold Turkey

August 2009 - Cold Turkey

November 2009 - Reinstatement adverse reaction akathesia/suicidal/anxiety

March 2011 - Start taper

November 2012 - Crash badly at 1.25mg akathesia/suicidal/extreme anxiety

January 2013 - 5mg Seroxat, 300mg  Lyrica

April 2017 - Successfully get off Seroxat with taper followed by 4 month of withdrawal 

January 2018 - Start with constant urinary urge/pain/burning/genital sensations 2 week after anxiety/akathesia ends

January 2019 - Started reducing Lyrica as I suspect it's causing frequent urination, tinnitus, fatigue, brain fog and mental decline.

December 2019 - Off all pysch meds

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Thank you @Borisand @mstimc for getting back to me, I really appreciate your support.

I’m at the stage where I can accept most of my symptoms knowing they will eventually one day subside. If I were to know my apathy will go one day,  it will be easier to accept and live with. If I am going to have to really WORK on my apathy, I’d better start now rather than sit back and let it run its course. I manage to get out to work,  I have to, financial needs drive me. At work,  I work hard, definitely no apathy. My problem is when  I get home, I fall into a heap. I just cannot be bothered. Every task  in the house is just a huge challenge. Washing, cleaning, cooking the lot. Slowly over the years whilst on ADs I’ve done less and less in the house and now these  jobs seem overwhelming. Do I push myself or do I accept it and wait like all the other symptoms  and rely on the support from family?  Will pushing myself be counterproductive just as fighting against anxiety is? 

What do you think?

K

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor

Hi Katy

 

FWIW, maybe this will put things in perspective.  I retired in 2018, two years before intended because our new leadership thought dismantling an effective organization would make him look good to our city council.  I had a close friend and co-worker who shares some of my anxiety/OCD issues.  She should have been promoted to my position when I left, but they left my position vacant and dumped all my work on her.  For several  months, she tried to apply for other jobs but was so exhausted when she got home she couldn't put forth the effort.  She began to become caught up in a downward spiral; she had a job that was wearing her out but couldn't muster the energy to apply for other jobs, which made her anxiety worse.  I gently encouraged her to stick with it and keep applying.  A couple weeks ago, she emailed me to say she got a new job with a better organization and closer to home.  

 

Its so hard to overcome personal inertia and get up and move, but I think its pays great dividends if you do.  Even little things will send positive messages to your brain.  Like anxiety, I think apathy feeds on itself and the less you do the stronger it gets. 

Edited by mstimc

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Thank you @mstimc, I guess I’d better make up some sort of plan. Little by little I suppose. It’s so hard I just want to curl up and go to sleep until this is all over.  The very thought of having to ‘work’ at getting better as well as accepting and tolerating the frightening symptoms is so overwhelming. But sure I’ve worked through how to tolerate the symptoms I guess I’ll be able to work through this. Thanks again best wishes K

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor

I know exactly how you feel, Katy.  One more hurdle to overcome on the path to recovery.  But it'll be worth it in the end!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to comment

Do I just build it up little by little.? I don’t know where to start really, I feel like googling how to overcome apathy! Oh my word this is hard. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor

Yes, I'd start small.  Even just putting a few things away from the day before or watering some indoor plants.  Anything that gets you moving...

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to comment

I’ve just become so anxious about all this. How on earth am I going to be able to build up a life. It just seems so daunting. I’m scared you know. Really scared of life. Living in constant fear is such a difficult place to be. 

It all feels too much

K

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor

Hi Katy.  You will recover.  When I was in WD, I woke up dreading every day.  I'd spend the time driving to work praying to make it through another day without getting fired.  During work, I'd dread every phone call as the one that spelled my doom.  When I wasn't worried about work, I thought I had some terrible disease.  On top of that, I'd beat myself up over every mistake I'd ever made.  It was an illusion.  In the middle of WD, I earned an exceptional performance award at work, and I kept getting picked for especially difficult projects.  Obviously, I didn't die of an obscure disease.  I whatever mistakes I may have made in the past, I try to be a better person for it now.  Fear is a horrible, debilitating feeling; it literally sucks the energy out of you.

 

But over time it will decrease, I promise you.  I practiced CBT and tried to listen to my therapist's advice,  but the greatest cure was time.  Eventually, I just got tired of being afraid all the time.  Purposeful catastrophizing really helped--I took my fears to their extreme and usually ridiculous worst case scenario and they lost much of their power.  I will say fear is the most difficult symptom I dealt with because its so pervasive and persistent, but I was able to overcome it.  You can do it too!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Hey katy :)
you seem to be very worried about all of your symptoms.

Don't worry, they will all subside with time. I now, it feels like it will stay forever, like for example the apathy you're experience right now. That's withdrawal.

That's one of the cruelest parts - not being sure if it's withdrawal or anthing else and not knowing if it will subside.

Just like your eye twitches subsided (or will subside?) the apathy will, too.

You have to think how you were feeling before taking the meds, or while having a window. That's the state you will get into!

My apathy is so strong sometimes that it's like torture just to talk to somebody. But sometimes it's better. And I know someday it will go away and I won't even think about it :)
Hang on, you're doing well!

Panic attacks starting june 2015
Got dependent on tavor (lorazepam).
Started tapering with Diazepam in october 2016 Ending April 2017. benzo free since then!
Developed major depression sept 2017, was prescribed 20mg of escitalopramTried to quit ssri in april 2018 (2 weeks taper, way too fast). July 1st 2018 tried to reinstate with 10mg and feeling much worse. Reduced dosage to 5mg On july 13th 2018. I felt a bit better but not well at all. September 2018 I reduced to 4mgs, then started tapering as soon as i got a bit better.

- 2mgs of escitalopram in the beginning of July 2019, holding for 9 weeks, experienced horrible symptoms. Turned myself into a psychiatric hospital on september 20th. last dose of escitalopram 2mg on september 23rd.

- september 24th: switched to 10mgs Fluoxetine

- oktober 18th: added Olanzapine 5mg

- November 12th: surgery with major anesthesia

 

Supplements: 3g EPA+DHA, 600mg Curcumin, sometimes 60ug Vit. D

 

Currently 10MG FLUOXETINE AND 5MG OLANZAPINE and trying to stabilize.

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Dearest @mstimcand @Gaebbi, Thank you for your support. It does really help. I do believe I will heal I look back to a year ago and symptoms have definitely improved. Sometimes this terrible fear takes over. Often throughout the working day when I get frightened I can just label it as WD and get on with my job. I find it so much harder at home. There seem to be more triggers at home and less distractions. I am trying to not react to symptoms it’s just sometimes I get so overwhelmed and sometimes I worry the symptoms are the real me and not withdrawal. It helps to hear experiences of others who have traveled through to the other side

10 hours ago, mstimc said:

  I'd spend the time driving to work praying to make it through another day without getting fired.  During work, I'd dread every phone call as the one that spelled my doom.  When I wasn't worried about work, I thought I had some terrible disease.  On top of that, I'd beat myself up over every mistake I'd ever made. 

.This is me and being constantly reminded that others have got through to the other side really helps.

 

Thank you take care everyone

Kx

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor

Hi Katy

 

How are you doing today (is it today in Australia)?  Portugal is seven hours ahead of home in California but I think Australia is ahead of both...😜

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Now it’s ‘today’ well sort of 5.45 am!!!

Thank you for checking in, honestly it means so much..I’m in the thick of a bad wave. The morning cortisol has gone back to gushing rather than the trickle it had changed to. I’ve been slack with my walk recently so maybe that’s contributing. I’ll knuckle down after work,  to walk and then do some housework. We live in a house that we are constantly renovating. This is so overwhelming these days. 

I don’t know @mstimc One minute I believe I’ll heal,  the next I’m trying to accept this as the rest of my life. SI is hard to live with. . I know I’d never act on it because of my children but I have to be honest it’s really tough at the moment but better than this time last year so there is progress. Support from here keeps me going. Thank you M you’re a real gem. Please keep up this amazing work you are doing supporting us all. We really need your sensitivity and gentle nurturing. I know it must be a pain when we keep repeating ourselves but unfortunately it’s the nature of this terrible beast. We are usually in heightened states of anxiety, which effect our hippocampus and thus memory. I really cannot express the gratitude I feel towards you and all the other folk on here who are holding my hand through this nightmare. 

Thanks again enjoy your evening Kx

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor

Hi Katy

 

I know exactly how you feel.  There were many times I had the same thoughts, but our son was in his pre-teens when I was in WD and it would not have been fair to him, nor to my wife who supported me through the worst of it.  It will get better--slowly, gradually, almost imperceptibly--but it will.  You've already noted an improvement compared to last year, so you know things can improve.  The good news is, once you start making progress,  it starts to snowball and you will make progress remarkably quickly.  But that initial recovery is the hardest part.  You can make it!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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1 hour ago, mstimc said:

The good news is, once you start making progress,  it starts to snowball and you will make progress remarkably quickly. 

Woah Thank you I really needed to hear this I didn’t know. 

Thanks again M must dash Im off to work 🧡

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor

Hi Katy

Just thought I'd share.  I started today off pretty bad.  A few years ago I tore an abdominal muscle and it took me months to recover.  Id' like to say I was playing some manly sport but I just lifted a piece of furniture wrong.   It wasn't bad enough for surgery but I did need some PT.  Every now and then it gives me a twinge.  For some reason it was especially bad this morning, and I found myself in a catastrophic thought pattern; being in another country, I started freaking out about having to go to urgent care and explain my problem in another language (not to mention getting coronavirus in the waiting room).  And then I'd need surgery and be laid up, etc. etc.  After letting myself freak out for a while, I pulled myself back to reality and did some of the stretches from my PT, and now it feels better.  As soon as my mind calmed, most of the pain disappeared even before the stretches.  It just shows how powerful the mind is, good or bad. 

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Thank you @mstimc, I do hope you continue to feel better and are pain free. It is amazing how powerful the mind is. I just do my mindfulness and hope that by osmosis something will change. When in the thick of a panic I try breathing and mindfulness, not a cure but a distraction if nothing else..

. @Happy2Healmentioned ‘Wired for happiness’ which is really interesting and I hope will help. I have a long history of negative thinking which I have to shift. This whole thing obviously gets so daunting. Not only do I have to tolerate the WD symptoms in there many forms  but I also have to do the ‘Work’ to change who I’ve become over the years. The ADs put me in limbo for 20 of those years. My new focus is on becoming a better person each day. I’m trying  to forget about the   ‘me’  of the past, not at all easy though. 

Do you have any insight into why my morning anxiety has ramped up again I thought that part of my brain was healing.

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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Oops I caught the send button

Thank you M for all your generous support. I hope you realise what a life line folk like you are to folk like me.

Take care Enjoy Spring in Portugal

Warm Regards Kx

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor
13 hours ago, Katy398 said:

 

Do you have any insight into why my morning anxiety has ramped up again I thought that part of my brain was healing.

 

Hi Katy

 

I think that's part of the body's natural rhythms magnified by WD.  Toward the end of their lives, my father and an elderly cousin were in assisted living .  They both experienced increased anxiety early in the morning and around dusk.  My therapist said its fairly common in people with anxiety; for whatever reason our bodies react anxiously at those times.  The afternoon anxiety is called "Sundowner Syndrome".  I think it'll fade as you progress.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to comment
  • Mentor
13 hours ago, Katy398 said:

T

. @Happy2Healmentioned ‘Wired for happiness’ which is really interesting and I hope will help. I have a long history of negative thinking which I have to shift. This whole thing obviously gets so daunting. Not only do I have to tolerate the WD symptoms in there many forms  but I also have to do the ‘Work’ to change who I’ve become over the years. The ADs put me in limbo for 20 of those years. My new focus is on becoming a better person each day. I’m trying  to forget about the   ‘me’  of the past, not at all easy though. 

 

 

 

That's a great approach, Katy!  And it worked for me.  I accepted I would never go back to the "old me" and that wasn't such a bad thing.  What we were and what we did in the past don't matter--it's what we do with the things we learn about ourselves on this journey that's important.  

 

I agree--it's not easy.  In a way, negative thinking is ingrained in our genes.  I've read that the ancient Greeks developed the philosophy that for every positive thing that happens in our lives, a negative one will happen one, too.  This was their idea of "balance".  I certainly fall into that pattern quite often and have to remind myself there is no legitimacy to it.  Things happen--its our reaction to them that counts.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to comment

,Hi @mstimc

Interesting, Greek philosophy, I guess the saying is right ‘We can’t have too much of a good thing.’ At the moment I can think of nothing nicer than being over indulged!

 

Dearest Greek  philosophers, does this mean, once this is over we will have a lonnnnnng run of positives in order to provide BALANCE?!!!

 

M I’m sorry your close relatives suffered from this anxiety in their closing years. Did they find a way to manage it? I feel really sad that their final years were plagued with dawn and dusk anxiety. I got quite optimistic when mine subsided a little but now it’s come back I have to admit it’s knocked my confidence in recovery somewhat. 

 

I saw my ‘prescription drug ‘misuse’ counsellor’  yesterday. Not that I ever misused prescription drugs but was still able to access free therapy. We talked about my overcoming apathy. He suggested writing down a small list of tasks each night before bed for the next day. The theory is that this becomes embedded in the subconscious, (working whilst we sleep) and thus makes the whole process of actually getting up and doing easier the next day. Let’s see what happens. I really like him I felt so blessed when after a year of searching for affordable support I found him. We both have an interest in Rudolf Steiner philosophy, not the be all and end all but a definite positive. I’ve only been seeing him since December and he has told me he’s moving jobs to Chicago no less!!  I feel a bit lost now because it can take forever to find a counsellor  that ‘works’ for the individual. He’s referred me on but I’m still apprehensive. 

 

Anyway M, best get ready for work, thanks again for your support take care K

 

 

 

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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On 3/9/2020 at 8:11 PM, Boris said:

My left eyelid twitched for nearly a year then swapped to the right and disappeared. I also had the apathy and fatigue. I still have little points throughout the day where tasks seems like too much but it's nearly all gone. The fatigue was so hard to deal with.

 

Morning cortisol rushes were on and off for me throughout. I ended up accepting that I'll always have it and then they suddenly stopped a couple of years ago.

Thank you Boris,

The double  edged sword  is a constant for me on this site.The suffering of other’s initiates pangs of guilt which attach themselves to the relief of ‘ Im not the only one.’ 

The eye twitch in one eye then the next is really interesting. I’m sure you’d agree though it’s nothing really is it in comparison but knowing it’s a WD symptom is good.

 

Apathy is my chosen specialist subject at the moment. I’d love to see the  Mastermind producers faces with that one!

49 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

suggested writing down a small list of tasks each night before bed for the next day. The theory is that this becomes embedded in the subconscious, (working whilst we sleep) and thus makes the whole process of actually getting up and doing easier the next day. Let’s see what happens.

Anything is worth a try. 

Thanks for your support K

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor
51 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

,Hi @mstimc

I saw my ‘prescription drug ‘misuse’ counsellor’  yesterday. Not that I ever misused prescription drugs but was still able to access free therapy. We talked about my overcoming apathy. He suggested writing down a small list of tasks each night before bed for the next day. The theory is that this becomes embedded in the subconscious, (working whilst we sleep) and thus makes the whole process of actually getting up and doing easier the next day. Let’s see what happens. I really like him I felt so blessed when after a year of searching for affordable support I found him. We both have an interest in Rudolf Steiner philosophy, not the be all and end all but a definite positive. I’ve only been seeing him since December and he has told me he’s moving jobs to Chicago no less!!  I feel a bit lost now because it can take forever to find a counsellor  that ‘works’ for the individual. He’s referred me on but I’m still apprehensive. 

 

Anyway M, best get ready for work, thanks again for your support take care K

 

 

 

 

 

 

Creating a to-do list sounds like a great idea!  Given my OCD, it would have driven me to complete the list instead of lying around. 😃

 

FWIW, changing therapists was the best thing that happened to me.   My new (in 2008) one understood withdrawal and was able to address my guilt and catastrophic thinking as well.  

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...
On 3/10/2020 at 12:06 AM, Katy398 said:

Often throughout the working day when I get frightened I can just label it as WD and get on with my job. I find it so much harder at home. There seem to be more triggers at home and less distractions

 

something i overlooked for a while was how i could hide in plain sight at work. it allowed me to have symptoms, but not check in with my body and needs as much. so when i would get home, it often felt worse even tho it was probably bad all day. just some thoughts on that. 

 

on severe apathy... it'll disappear. mine did! when i started taking fish oil, it honestly felt like pointing my brain on steroids. i was all of a sudden thinking clearer, and those clear thoughts made my mind work harder. 

 

keep up the great progress. 

Drug history:

Sertraline 50 mg (Nov 2018 - Apr 2019)

Sertraline 25 mg (May 2019 - July 2019)

Seroquel, partial pills at night for 2 weeks (July 2019)

Lamotrogine 100 mg (July 2019 - Sept 2019, ended w/ fast taper) 

significant WD symptoms until march 2020

severe long covid april 2020 - feb 2021

gaining health ever since....

 

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Thank you so much @mstimc and @Ballardbeer This site is amazing I am in awe of all the caring, sensitive Folk out there. Thank you it’s a tough journey, I remember how terrifying it was when I felt alone with no one to turn to. That is one symptom that has definitely been crossed off my list I am filled with gratitude 🙏 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor

Katy, its so wonderful to see someone who's been through it and can see the light.  Short of some horrible physical disease, I don't think there's anything worse than WD.  But we are so much stronger for facing up to it and overcoming it!

Edited by mstimc
Corrected spelling errors

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Folks,

I would love some insight into one of my symptoms. I get rushes of anxiety every time I look at photographs from the past, holidays, babes in arms, special events it doesn’t matter. Today I was searching for a photographer of a door! and in doing so came across other photographers on my phone.  Photos of lovely  family holidays fill me with anxiety just what is going on in my brain?’ I read the ‘What’s happening in the brain? link lots of times but still can’t work this one out. The same thing happens when I hear music from the past (although this one has lessened a little). I don’t understand, it’s  as if I cannot enjoy pleasant memories, why would that be?

 

Hang on in there everyone.

Little by Little 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

It could be that your feelings are coming back "on line" and the memories are causing you to feel overwhelmed which is causing stress/anxiety.

 

memories-from-pre-drugged-years-surfacing

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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21 hours ago, Katy398 said:

Hi Folks,

I would love some insight into one of my symptoms. I get rushes of anxiety every time I look at photographs from the past, holidays, babes in arms, special events it doesn’t matter. Today I was searching for a photographer of a door! and in doing so came across other photographers on my phone.  Photos of lovely  family holidays fill me with anxiety just what is going on in my brain?’ I read the ‘What’s happening in the brain? link lots of times but still can’t work this one out. The same thing happens when I hear music from the past (although this one has lessened a little). I don’t understand, it’s  as if I cannot enjoy pleasant memories, why would that be?

 

Hang on in there everyone.

Little by Little 

Hi Katy,

I had a similar thing happen to me a couple months ago. It lasted a couple weeks. For me it was music that I listened to when I was in high school and memories of high school in general. I couldnt control the feelings at all, they were all happy memories but for some reason it felt sad and as you said made me feel anxious about them. It was as if I all of a sudden missed that time of my life. It came out of nowhere one day and for a few weeks I almost obsessed about my teenage years. As much as I would love to go back to that time of my life sometimes I have never felt that way before.

Anyways, I hope you feel better soon!

Cipralex (escitalopram) for 4.5 years

5mg/day

Decided to just stop cold turkey one day 

Last dose July 10th, 2018

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  • Mentor

Katy. when I'm under a lot of stress, I find the same thing happens to me.  I find I'm far more sensitive to certain news or other media when anxiety hits me.  It doesn't even have to be bad or troubling--just anything that stirs my emotions.  I think anxiety over-sensitizes us to any emotional stimuli.   Fortunately, it tends to be short-lived and passes fairly quickly. 

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Thank you @mstimc @Bonesy44 and @ChessieCat I really appreciate your support, it’s good to know it’s a symptom that WILL go.

 

The ‘What’s happening in the brain’ link does not explain why we only see the negatives.

 

Why can we only remember the regrets and not the joyous moment? 

Why does everything have a negative spin?

 

Pre-drugged/ drugged and WD memories are all negative.

My son is doing  well at school both academically and socially yet when I think about his future I feel anxious and scared. 

 

Mall my memories are tinged with a negative and thus bring on anxiety. 

 

My brain seems to have an inability  to find any positives, why? If it can’t balance with both types of memories why Just focus  on the negative why not just the positives!? Is it to do with brain chemistry and if so which and why?

Does anyone know?

 

Thanks again for all your support. .

Take care Everyone 

Little by Little we’ll get there. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor
2 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

Thank you @mstimc @Bonesy44 and @ChessieCat I really appreciate your support, it’s good to know it’s a symptom that WILL go.

 

The ‘What’s happening in the brain’ link does not explain why we only see the negatives.

 

Why can we only remember the regrets and not the joyous moment? 

Why does everything have a negative spin?

 

Pre-drugged/ drugged and WD memories are all negative.

My son is doing  well at school both academically and socially yet when I think about his future I feel anxious and scared. 

 

Mall my memories are tinged with a negative and thus bring on anxiety. 

 

My brain seems to have an inability  to find any positives, why? If it can’t balance with both types of memories why Just focus  on the negative why not just the positives!? Is it to do with brain chemistry and if so which and why?

Does anyone know?

 

Thanks again for all your support. .

Take care Everyone 

Little by Little we’ll get there. 

Hi Katy 

 

Its getting a bit late in my neck of the woods but negative thinking is a common WD symptom.  I'll go into more detail tomorrow morning but rest assured there are ways of managing overwhelming negative thoughts. 

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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  • Mentor

Good Morning Katy

 

Continuous negative thinking is a common symptom of WD and anxiety.   Your "flight or fight" instinct has been triggered and it needs a way to express itself--very often this takes the form of self-blame and catastrophic thinking.  You're just waiting for something bad to happen.  My therapist explained this as a form of "reverse narcissism",  rather than thinking you're perfect and everything you do is right,  you feel everything you've ever done is wrong and the tiniest mistake is magnified beyond all reality.   I still struggle with this sometimes.  My best coping mechanism is to constantly remind myself my thoughts are not reality, and its okay to feel okay.  Any mistakes we may have made in the past are over and done and can be left behind.   My advice is to start small--find something you really like, such as a piece of music or a movie you enjoy, and just listen to it quietly.  Focus on that--if negative thoughts intrude, let them in and then re-focus on the pleasant music.  Don't fight the thoughts--that just gives them more power.  Let them come but don't give them legitimacy--it'll take time but eventually the thoughts will lose their power.  You can do it!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to comment

Thank you so much @mstimc Fantastic piece. I’ll start work on finding a some feel good films or music. Nothing springs to mind at the moment but I’m sure there must be something buried deep in some dark corner of my healing brain. Thanks again Mstimc it’s a great explanation just what I needed, your a gem 💎 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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