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MikeysMum: Paxil

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RichT
3 minutes ago, MikeysMum said:

Thanks for responding RichT. Yes those pychological symptoms scare the ***** out of me. Never experienced them before WD and they have bought me to my knees. However, so far I am managing to cope with them. One of the hardest things for me about all this is the inconsistency and not knowing what each day will bring. And no-one understands unless you've been through it. A few weeks ago I went out for lunch with friends and assured them I was feeling better etc. The last few days I've been almost bed ridden. My friends don't accept the whole WD thing and think I should keep seeking other answers from dr. I've had so many tests and thanks to this forum I know it's WD.  Hard too on my family. Ah well it looks like I need to go back to reading all the 'acceptance' stuff and trying to go with the flow. 

 

‘Wishing you every success with that! Good luck.

 

R

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MikeysMum

I just need to write this. I'm really struggling. I had been getting some windows but  the last 3 days have been just awful. Nausea back again, severe inner agitation, depersonalizations, bouts of sobbing, freezing cold despite blankets, heat packs and heater on high , no appetite. Today I tried nearly everything in my toolbox. Footbath with Epsom salts. Breathing exercises, guided meditation, distraction, gentle exercise. I've even taken up knitting. I hate this. I have a daughter with a disability who needs me and depends on me and a young adult son. I have a supportive husband but he has to work and I think he's losing patience. I don't have a supportive dr. She wants to refer me to a psychiatrist but I'm too scared because I'm pretty sure they will recommend trying new medication. (My dr rang a psych and this is what they suggested). I got a script for diazepam about 5 weeks ago to help deal with symptoms. I took one and felt numb to the point of feeling out of control. I got scared that I would take whole packet so I flushed them down sink. I know this is WD. I know my nervous system is extremely sensitized and needs to heal. I 'know' all this but the days at the moment are so hard. I've thought of just trying to get admitted to a psych ward but I know that would mean more drugs/sedation and I'm terrified of that too. I'm not panicking (well, I am actively working on not panicking), I've read  all the Claire Weeks stuff and even downloaded one of her books. I really just need to debrief. I have never felt so out of control of my life. I know my only option is to keep plodding along. Thanks for listening. I've managed to remain sort of positive throughout this and it's only been just over 4 months. But the last few days have really got me down. I'm hoping for a window tomorrow or soon. Thanks for listening. By the way, I never had any of these symptoms prior or during to taking ADs.

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Songbird

It sounds like you've been doing brilliantly with all your coping skills and non-med techniques.  I remember when I was in severe withdrawal I tried knitting, too!  I was total rubbish at it, but it was good to have something to focus on to pass the time and take my mind off of my symptoms. It's so hard when your family doesn't understand - I remember my hubby acting like I should be able to just pull myself together.  I also remember being freezing cold and having to wear many layers of jerseys and jackets.  Have you tried journalling?  I found it helped me to write out all my thoughts and feelings.  I also wrote down a lot of positive affirmations. 

 

I think you're right that a psychiatrist will just prescribe more meds. It's so frustrating that doctors are still so clueless about AD withdrawal.  I think you have a great attitude and have been amazing to stay so positive.  I hope you get some good windows soon.

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MikeysMum

Thanks so much for responding @Songbird. It is such a lonely road. Yes I don't think I'll ever be a great knitter, already had to pull it all out 3 times 😳I have started a journal and will start writing some affirmations. It's quite ironic that my handwriting is so bad at the moment that it is difficult to read back what I've written. I guess it's just one foot in front of the other at this time. One breath at a time etc. There is no option but to believe that my body is healing. My gut issues are resolving (don't have the chronic diarrhea) so even though my appetite is zilch I can eat something and absorb stuff. I haven't had that horrible organic fear/terror for a week or so. So things are changing. Those symptoms may come back and something else will take a back seat. I can sort of function most some days, drive, do some household stuff etc End of last year I quit my voluntary work because I had decided 2019 was to be the year of 'me' and exploring wellness. And this was before I became so unwell. Ah....the irony. I'm needed a lot at home due to my daughter's needs. Anyway I guess I'm trying to say that I'm aware things could be much worse. Thanks again xxx

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RichT

Hi Mikey’s mum,

 

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things, and they will be having a good effect even if you can’t really feel it at the moment. 

 

‘’I hope your wave resolves soon!

 

best wishes

 

R

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MikeysMum

Thankyou @RichT. All the best to you too. Another horrible day here. 

 

im beginning to doubt my brains ability to heal. My husband reminded me I was on another AD when we first met. So that means 30 years on ADs. (I cannot remember name and barely remember being on it but I think he's right) Is it possible that I will never know what 'normal' feels like again. Even when I was on Paxil I definitely had up and down times but nothing like this. And at least I could escape by having a few wines. I'm too scared to touch any drugs or alcohol at the moment. Nausea and diarrhea back today. Feeling like I'm an alien who's been dropped into a strange land . Not sleeping well. I don't  know what to do. Medical drs here just don't understand AD WD. I've had colonoscopy, gastroscopy, CT scan of pancreas etc, so many blood tests. I'm still losing weight but that's the least of my problems. All tests have come back fine except I'm low on iron with no obvious reason. It's the feeling that this is my new normal that is really getting me down. I can't find joy any more.  Yet I'm too scared to go to a dr and ask for any medication intervention because of the unknown. It's only around 4.5 months since I stopped Paxil. Can someone give me some hope? I can tell myself this is just a bad wave but I'm getting scared. I made myself go for a short walk today . I'm trying to be positive and do all the right things but this feels like the hardest thing I've ever endured. 

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MikeysMum:

I remember when I felt just like you do. Now I don't anymore. It has not been that long, relatively, since you stopped the Paxil. When I was at four months I had that same "alien from another planet" feeling. I felt so "out of it". I had dropped 22 pounds in 10 weeks. I would sit there at the restaurant with my family and feel like an outside observer to the conversation. I felt so out of it, weird, disconnected.  I kept thinking I was never going to get better or this was going to be the new normal for me. I was thinking I would rather die than live the rest of my life like this. I wanted to go back on something. My husband and grown sons who live with us sat me down and told me I didn't seem weird to them at all. They told me I was actually acting better than I did on the Prozac I had been on for over 20 years. This was a huge surprise, as in my mind I was convinced I was acting very bizarre. They said they were completely against me getting back on that or anything else. They liked the new me I was becoming. I felt trapped and desperate, but that made me push through, and while I'm still struggling I am getting way better and that alien feeling NEVER happens anymore.

If you just can push through a few more months you will get better. Plan on it being the hardest thing you will ever endure(it has been by far for me)because it very well may be! Determine to be more stubborn than your symptoms and STICK WITH IT!

The devil and your mind will play ugly tricks to scare you into quitting. In the end it will be proved all smoke and mirrors if you persevere. 

At 4-6 months I did a Bible study by Lew Sterret, a famous Christian horse whisperer on the subject of perseverance and that is what got me through. Each morning at 3-5 a.m. when the anxiety got me up I would do it and begin by writing down the definition of perseverance. It was so helpful just to focus on the meaning of the word perseverance. 

Lew gave an illustration that helped me when I wanted to panic about my circumstances. He was on a horse when it suddenly stopped. It was a good horse and never did that sort of thing. So he looked down and saw that it had barbed wire wrapped around it's 2 front legs. He could get off it to safety, getting himself out of danger but leaving it alone to panic and kill itself Tangled in that barbed wire, or he could trust it to let him use it's training to let him help it get loose. The horse, because of it's calm obedience to it's master, allowed Lew to loosen the barbed wire and cue it to lift one leg at a time out of the tangle and be freed with no injury. 

I sensed my Master in Heaven was asking me to do the same thing. Patiently endure and let Him get me out of this mess. Panicking was no longer an option. I needed to be still and let Him work on my mind and health. And He has been faithful. 

Now at almost a year I mostly have trouble with anxiety, neuroloneliness, and the old issues that were covered up rather than cured by Prozac. But the stuff you described has been gone since about month 6-7. Everyone is different, and you were on Paxil, not Prozac, but just hearing me say that will I hope make you feel better.

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Tweet

Also, MikeysMum, 

Natural Calm magnesium powder, which you mix with water and chug can almost instantly help against that middle of the night anxiety that stops you from sleeping. I always woke up at 3 a.m. and then couldn't get the anxiety to go away and get back to sleep. Therefore, when I would get up to go to the bathroom between midnight and 2 a.m. I would chug the powder drink. This would prevent the anxiety rush at 3 and I began sleeping till 5 or so. You might try it.😉

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MikeysMum

Hi @Tweet. Thanks so very much for your response. I don't think I've ever been this scared. Pre Paxil yes......but back then I didn't have kids so drugs, alcohol even self harm was always an option. Now I just feel trapped because I can't escape the feelings. I know that part of healing is to accept the feelings/symptoms but I'm really struggling. I was seriously considering just going to the dr or hospital today and asking for diazepam or similar  to get me through until I can see a psych and possibly start another AD. I realise that would be opening another can of worms though. Your reply has given me hope that I can get through today without seeking medication of some sort. I will write a short list of things to do: short walk, write some affirmations, meditate/pray, knit 2 rows of my awful knitting. I will make some muffins. I can actually feel my nervous system zinging and it's like a chemical reaction buzzing throughout my body. Lost all sense of calm and reason. I have booked into a somatic therapy session for Monday which is with horses. I've done it before, it is working with the nervous system. The horses are very calming. It all takes place in beautiful countryside. I am hoping I   can get through until then (without panicking and trying to get some sort of medication ) because I know it will help. Thanks so much again for your response. Up until a week ago I was maintaining hope and the windows were good enough that I had confidence I could heal. This wave has knocked me off my feet. Thank God for this forum and people like you xxxx

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Your proactive and mindful approach to self care is such a good thing!

You can do this! 

That therapy sounds like great idea.

Hope it is a fun and relaxing time.

Rooting and praying for you 🤗.

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MikeysMum

Thank you so much @Tweet for your encouragement and prayers. It really helped me to change direction of my day. Short walk done and made a batch of muffins. I ate 1/2 salad sandwich which is pretty good for me these days. About to do a meditation and then knit. I really, really appreciate you and others  taking the time to comment. It's the one thing getting me through because as you know it's a very lonely, frightening journey. Many thanks xxxxx

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MikeysMum
4 hours ago, Tweet said:

Determine to be more stubborn than your symptoms and STICK WITH IT!

 

This!!!!! My new motto!

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MikeysMum

I am recording this here so I can see that I am making progress. I'm keeping a journal but my hand writing is awful at the moment. After a truly horrible few weeks I have finally entered a window of wellness. Prior to this my nervous system has been zinging, nausea, diarrhoea, no appetite, vertigo, inner agitation and anxiety, thoughts that kept looping around my head.. On sat I actually thought about going to hospital to get some sort of chemical relief. Thanks to this forum I got through. Sunday was also truly awful. I put all my self care strategies into action. Unfortunately (and in hindsight). I added a very potent essential oil blend to my foot bath and within half another felt even more ill. Even going near the bottle /smell now makes me feel sick. Anyway, yesterday I had an appointment with a somatic therapist who uses horses as a tool in her work. I started this about 15 months ago and go every couple of months if I can afford it. It's based around the work of Peter Levine (and others) and is all about understanding how our nervous system works and getting in tune with our bodies. It may be coincidence but by last night I was feeling almost normal. And today as well. The tinnitus is minimal. No inner trembling/agitation, nausea etc. I've felt hungry and I've eaten for pleasure not bc I had to. I am so very grateful to feel this window of wellness. I'm feeling very fatigued now but no nausea, no panicky thoughts, no dizziness etc. I know that the waves will come crashing again but times like this I can really believe in my body's ability to heal. When I'm being slammed by waves I can lose all hope. I'm trying really hard to listen to my body. My mind wants me to start preparing dinner but my body needs to lie down. Now I will have to do something about dinner but I've got an hour or so up my sleeve.  And dinner might have to be beans on toast and that's okay. Feeling good takes on a whołe new meaning after being so sick. P.S. I just want to add that my journey has been relatively easy compared to many here. I have only come off one medication and although it's been pure hell I've had the support of my husband and all the wisdom I've found in this forum. Feeling very greatful.

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ChessieCat
19 minutes ago, MikeysMum said:

And dinner might have to be beans on toast

 

That's a reasonably healthy meal to have when things are tough.  I always like to have some easy things available for the times that I'm finding things a bit difficult, likes cans of soup and keeping some frozen portions of shop bought BBQ chicken in the freezer to add some frozen veggies and flavoured couscous to, or adding to a packet pasta meal which I also add veggies to.

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Benzhelp

Hi MikeysMum,

 

Thank you for the update. I am so sorry to hear of your suffering. I am glad you are here, this forum is awesome. It is helpful to take notes of our progress so we can look back on how far we've come. Good to hear that you are having a window and that somatic therapy is going well. Best of luck on your healing journey. Wishing you Healing, Love and Light. Take gentle care <3 <3 <3

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Songbird

I'm glad to hear you had a good window.  You're very wise to listen to your body, it's really important.

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MikeysMum

Thanks so much @Songbird, @ChessieCat and @Benzhelp. I appreciate your response. Unfortunately I woke up today to a huge, engulfing wave. This is worse than ever I think. Or is it just that I felt so good yesterday that this feels really bad. Anxiety verging on panic. Functioning but barely. No appetite, loose stools, hot sweats, nausea.  Now I've read through a lot of the anxiety resources again so I know that this is caused by adrenaline rushes (I think) and my response is just feeding this. I feel so scared that I won't be able to cope. My daughter (21 years has autism and intellectual disability ) is really really anxious too. She depends on me for emotional regulation. I feel so stupid and guilty for causing my family so much stress. Logically I 'know' I followed medical advice but so wish I had done my own research. I've named my panicking brain Terrified Monkey Brain, TMB for short. I spoke out loud to  myself before saying "this TMB is just my brain responding to a chemical. My fears and thoughts are real but not true. I am going to do my best to just wave to but ignore TMB. I will find things to occupy my mind". I have never experienced anything so hard in my life and I've led a fairly dysfunctional journey. Feels like I'm in the fight of my life. 

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Maca44

I have a TMB but am learning to just let it to shout at me as much as its wants but eventually it gets fed up because I don't shout back then I get a day or two where I don't see TMB at all. TMB is not my friend but also when it comes to visit just say Hi let it have its say then ignore it, it will leave again in good time. TMB loves a good fight but its on its own.

 

 

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BreathofAir

Sending as much love and support as I can for you, your daughter and husband. 

 

I haven’t forgotten you.  Just struggling severely and waiting for a window.  Hope the Universe sends you more strength and healing.  

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Glad you got some relief! I love the TMB name. Hope your new wave ends quickly. 2 steps forward, one step back.

Someone here on the forum said each day is another day of healing. ...

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MikeysMum

Thanks so much for your support @Tweet and @Maca44. It means a lot xxx @BreathofAir thanks Rachel. I know you are going through an extremely difficult time. Hope you get some relief soon xxxx

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Maca44

The problem is that it is really hard to see progress when we are in the middle of a bad patch, don't know about you but I always say "This is the worst I've been" each time I get bad but if it wasnt for my journal and family I can see that in fact I have been worse and I AM making progress. That's positive but hard to recall when in a state. 

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RichT
On 5/15/2019 at 11:30 AM, MikeysMum said:

Thanks so much @Songbird, @ChessieCat and @Benzhelp. I appreciate your response. Unfortunately I woke up today to a huge, engulfing wave. This is worse than ever I think. Or is it just that I felt so good yesterday that this feels really bad. Anxiety verging on panic. Functioning but barely. No appetite, loose stools, hot sweats, nausea.  Now I've read through a lot of the anxiety resources again so I know that this is caused by adrenaline rushes (I think) and my response is just feeding this. I feel so scared that I won't be able to cope. My daughter (21 years has autism and intellectual disability ) is really really anxious too. She depends on me for emotional regulation. I feel so stupid and guilty for causing my family so much stress. Logically I 'know' I followed medical advice but so wish I had done my own research. I've named my panicking brain Terrified Monkey Brain, TMB for short. I spoke out loud to  myself before saying "this TMB is just my brain responding to a chemical. My fears and thoughts are real but not true. I am going to do my best to just wave to but ignore TMB. I will find things to occupy my mind". I have never experienced anything so hard in my life and I've led a fairly dysfunctional journey. Feels like I'm in the fight of my life. 

 

Hi MM

 

Don’t blame yourself - you followed medical advice, and that’s all you can be expected to do. I feel for you in respect of your daughter - what a tough situation. I hope you feel better soon!

 

R

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Rosetta

HI Mikeysmum,

 

You may not understand this yet, but it's really wonderful that you are getting windows, in my opinion.  That's not to say that people who do not get windows should not have the same hope.  They heal, too, but it is very useful to have breaks from the misery.  Battle fatigue takes its toll on this journey.  

 

I think you are wise to avoid psychiatrists unless you could find one who understands how sensitive your system is and would fully understand that any new drugs are completely out of the question for you.  That's the most important challenge in this thing we call ADWD -- the possibility that new drugs are more likely to do more harm than good (except for the very few that SA members have found to be worth the risk.  These will be recommended by moderators.  Sometimes a member will find something else that helps him or her, but I would be very cautious about trying anything other than fish oil and magnesium.).  As for prescription drugs, for some reason that is very unfortunate, there are even fewer psychiatrists who understand that reinstating the drug that was removed is the only option that is in any way reasonably likely to help.  It appears that even the old one, for you, Paxil was not useful.  I'm sorry to see that, but, unless a Mod suggests otherwise, I want to encourage you to avoid all prescription drugs from this point forward.

 

I was unable to take magnesium in the doses I was using.  I'm not sure how low a dose might have been useful to me because I was afraid to try again once I realized that avoiding magnesium helped me (or seemed to help me) avoid a very difficult experience every night.  I think it's a good suggestion to try it, but start with a small amount and increase it slowly.  Watch for symptoms that occur even hours later.  Epsom salts baths are the safest way to absorb magnesium, from my experience.

 

You may be very tempted to try a new drug or a psychiatrst's help over the next few months.  I have had many bad waves during which I felt so awful that I questioned my resolve to stay drug free.  However, it is paying off now.  Please be aware that to a psychiatrist who does not understand the particular iatrogenic harm we have suffered the only treatment is a new drug.  One doctor who IS aware says our syndrome is analogous to neurotoxin exposure.  Note it's "analogous" to that, not that we DID suffer neurotoxin exposure, but the idea of giving such a person a new AD drug is simply absurd.  The result of the harm that we have suffered is nearly identical: a destabilized nervous system also called as a syndrome "dysautonomia."  To risk further irritating that system with a psychotropic substance is to misunderstand or even possibly be recklessly unaware of the possible harm and risk of severe consequences such a course of action would entail.  

 

For me, increasing the dosage of the drug was the catalyst for further harm.  This was done over and over again for literally 5 years.  It's hard for most people to imagine a doctor continually making the same mistake for 5 years while her patient became sicker and sicker and sicker, but that's precisely what happened.  In fact, there was never any attempt whatsoever to monitor me for side effects or adverse consequences.  You can expect the same from any psychiatrst who might treat you now even though he may "know" you are showing signs of the very same harms detailed in the literature on adverse consequences for the drug in question.  The doctor prescribed a benzo, and luckily for me, I had a reaction to it.  Otherwise, I would be addicted to that.  Chances are that that benzo reaction sent me down the path to a rapid taper no better than a CT. 

 

In any event, I want to encourage you to stay the course unless a Mod suggests otherwise.  This is a very difficult experience,ce, but you will get through it.  You will get well, and you will have a good life afterward.  Never let that hope get far away from you.  Your hope will waiver.  It's impossible to keep it going everyday, but try to get through the wave until hope returns.  It will.

 

I hope your journey is short,

 

Rosetta

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MikeysMum

Thanks @Rosetta. I'm scared. Waking at 4.00 am, hot and clammy, agitation, almost involuntary body spasms/twitches. My resolve is faltering. Got my husband to hide some OxyContin that I had from broken ankle. Was thinking of taking a few just to get me admitted to hospital. I've been trying so hard to be positive. Can't eat but drinking Sustagen. Diarrhoea back again. Find it really hard to concentrate enough to try non drug coping stuff. Husband and I arguing bc I want him to have next week off work to look after our daughter. Don't know what to do. It's been 4.5 months now do I could be hitting the dreaded 5 month horrors. Any advice from @Songbird @ChessieCat greatly appreciated.

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Rosetta

Ooh, no, no OxyContin. No no no.  No hospital unless it's really grave.  You need a baby sitter.  Can you pay for that?  

 

I've been there and it's scary, I know.  You are not going to be physically harmed by the agitation.  Please know that.  It feels that way, I know, but it will pass.  Don't think about 5 month anything.  There's no such thing.  Everyone is different and some people don't even have any milestones.  Mine were never on a particular date.  They were just random.  I tried to link them to dates, but it never worked out that way.  

 

No oxycontin because that will agitate your system.  It's too strong.  Trust me I know.  The only thing I use is ibuprophen.  

 

Non drug coping doesn't have to be mental.  No concentration required.  A hot shower or a cold shower or alternate.  Try all three.  A hot bath if your tub is deep.  An ice bath maybe.  Eat ice or ice cream.  Have hot tea.  Heat and cold are useful and you don't need concentration.  Just get through.  That's all.  This will pass.

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Rosetta

You can buy a thing for your tub to block the overflow mechanism.  You have to be careful not to let it overflow, of course, but it will help you have a deeper bath.  Don't forget to remove it every time.

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MikeysMum

Thank you so much @Rosetta. I've just had a long hot shower. No bath but can have footbath. Have put on hold any decision re psychiatrists , further drugs etc. I'm just drinking a smoothie. Will go for walk later. Your suggestions are all really good specially re heat and cold. I think the despair hits at the 4.00 am wake ups. I'm drenched in sweat, hearts starts pumping, anxiety. Then I think of the whole day ahead. I am so grateful for this forum. I live in a large regional town and I'm not sure there would be any psychiatrists who would think outside the box. I've got an appointment in 2 weeks with a dr who works from a team of holistic practitioners who use alternative therapies so hoping she will understand and offer support. Got another appointment with psychologist from same practice in 3 weeks. Just trying to find people who can offer support. No hope of a babysitter......I'm it. I've got a lovely friend who understands trauma and the nervous system and helped me yesterday. Thanks so much. I am swinging from desperation where I think hospital and drugs are  the only answer to 'okay I can do this. Just for day I can do it'. Xxxxx

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Rosetta

I remember those wake ups.  They are much milder now if they happen at all.  Back then, I tried to go running every morning, and I think that made everything worse.  Walking would have been better.  Gentle exercise only.  

 

How old is your child?  I might have suggestions for you.  Mine was 6 when it was really, really bad.

 

The hot shower is something you should make a regular treatment.  I also have a shoulder wrap that is filled with some kind of grain or something.  I heat it in the microwave for 2 minutes and wear it.  Then, after it gets too cool I heat it for 1 minute.  Otherwise it gets too hot.  The heat on my shoulders is soothing.  Rice in a sock works but it will dry out your skin quite badly.

 

I wish I had an electric foot massager.  That vibration might take my mind off of the agitation.  I'm not sure if I would have like it back when I was sicker.

 

I would like to say that your anxiety isn't "real", blah, blah, but it feels real, and that's all that matters.  You just have to get through until your system is calmer and the mental exercises are possible.  Practice them when you can though because over time you will get better at it, and it will help earlier in this process than otherwise.  There are times that are so bad the mental exercises aren't helpful, I know.  If you can find time to practice them when you aren't in crisis that would be good.

 

I'm guessing you know about the Claire Weekes thread?  Avoid second fear and all that?  

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MikeysMum

My daughter is 21 years and has autism and intellectual disability. Going through this WD has given me a new understanding of what she goes through with a highly sensitive nervous system. I have a wheat bag which I also heat for 2 mins in microwave. It's become my best friend and is on my lap as I type. Yes I've read the Claire Weekes thread and downloaded her book. I wrote up a 

list of self care strategies that were helping but not useful when anxiety/agitation/shaking is so pronounced. My daughter needs lots of down time because she finds the world and environment so stressful so whilst she is out of the house for a few hours each day she is also at home a lot. One of my concerns (which when I'm in a window is only a concern ) about her future becomes intense fear and anxiety when in a wave. She's very sensitive to noise And at the moment I know how she feels. Thanks again Rosetta xxxxxx

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Songbird
3 hours ago, MikeysMum said:

Can't eat but drinking Sustagen. Diarrhoea back again. Find it really hard to concentrate enough to try non drug coping stuff.

 

I've done the Sustagen thing too, for a while.  This is the gentle yoga that helped me the most when I was in a really bad way - you don't really need to concentrate, just follow his instructions:  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/6122-relaxation-exercises-guided-meditations-calming-videos-sleep-hypnosis/page/2/?tab=comments#comment-390065.  At my worst I was doing this three times a day and it helped to calm things down a lot.

 

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MikeysMum

Thank you so much @Songbird. Up until this wave hit had been doing some very gentle yoga like exercise for my back. I will definitely try the David Swenson routine later today. I had written his name in my journal from reading a thread here. Also want to thank everyone else who has commented. Your comments and support and this forum in general are a real lifeline to me at the moment. 

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BreathofAir

Hi MM, 

 

Just checking in how you are doing? And sending hugs and best wishes. I am always thinking of you. 

 

R xxxxxx

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MikeysMum

Hi R. Thanks so much for thinking of me. I have been following your posts and even though I know you are still incredibly fragile you seemed just a tiny fraction more composed? You are incredibly braves and an inspiration because you are going through the worst symptoms yet you are still thinking of others xxxxx

My update: Im not doing great. Last weekend I developed what I now know to be formication (like billions of insects crawling through my cells). It was absolutely the worst symptom yet and I was walking the streets at 4.00 am trying to get relief. I tried showers, foot baths, heat packs, breathing etc.  I ended up seeing a psychiatrist on Tuesday.  (after seeing a dr on Sunday who gave me diazepam for short term relief) who prescribed Zyprexa Zydis wafer . I'm having 1/8 of a 5 mg tablet 3 times a day and 1/4 to 1/2 at bed time. It has taken edge off formication at least. I feel like a complete failure. I've just been reading here how bad this drug is. The psych wants me to consider going back on paxil at a tiny dose. I'm considering this. Then hopefully I can taper off the Zyprexa in the not too distant future. I'm very scared. I was a fully functioning human being up until January this year. I need to be functional to care for my daughter with a disability. My husband took last week off work but needs to go back on Tuesday.i don't have anyone else except a lovely friend who has her own children and works full time. I don't know how people get through this. I'm hoping that re instating after 5 months won't be too traumatic and will eveyuslly get me on more even keel. Psych is suggesting 1/8 20 mg tablet. I will have to research how to do that. I'm sleeping better but generally feeling flat. I'm scared that my husband will have to quit work (he would hate this) to care for our daughter, then how do we survive financially? On a lighter note my wonky scarf is over a foot long since I started knitting the other week. I am calling it my sickness scarf and hopefully when finished it can be named recovery scarf. 

 

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Rosetta

Please, please, please don't take Zyprexa.  In my opinion, it can only harm you.  Please don't get hooked on it.  I suspect that any impression you have that it is helping with the formication is simply a coincidence.  I see people add drugs during WD and they are very often showing new or more intense symptoms afterward.  I know you are suffering.  I don't want you to risk making it worse. -Rosetta

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So sorry to hear that you have been feeling worse. 

Please be patient and give simply reinstating a chance.

Please avoid adding drugs.

It will most likely add to your problems.

 

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