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Hello, 

 

Just would like to explain my situation and  hope to get some advise or knowledge if anyone has experienced anything smilar. Or what’s going on with me.

 

It stated with a bad experience and a death at work that left me so stressed, grieving with anxiety. I was so emotionally drained,  occasional anxiety attacks, occasional crying, always on edge and would wake up a few nights with painc.  So I went to a doctor that prescribed me diazepam and Celapram 10mg. He gave me brief information on the antidepressant Described it as a long term diazepam in a way, won’t make you into a zombie and I can come off it in a year or so. Now I find it unbelievable that doctors can prescribe these medications with such little info at how dangerous they can be. 

 

I against trying the celapram unless I felt desperate but a family friend convinced me to try it as she had taking something similar with no problems. 

 

I took a tablet and I think it was the next day I woke up feeling so sick I vomited and felt so disoriented nearly collapsed. Then the next couple of days heart racing, intrusive thoughts, confusion, I thought I was going insane. I went back to the doctor and tried to explain my conserns and she that I’ve only been taking it a week and that it needs more time to work. She said it gets worst before it gets better and to push through the side effects. I felt like she pretty much dismissed me. I felt so confused and drugged and defeated that I didn’t have the strength to fight it. 

 

At fisrt I felt server anxiety and heart racing continuous crying all day for weeks, A depression that I couldn’t imagine, anger, couldn’t sleep with out sleeping tablets.  I was taking the diazepam as the doctor told me everyday to ease the start up symptoms. Feeling like my thoughts would drop out mid sentence, derealisation, hallucinations when waking up and falling asleep. I literally felt like my brain was empty and that my thoughts were just floating around and had so much pressure. The world seemed like a dream. Every little noise would make me jolt in pain. I couldn’t function at all and was lucky my partner took care of me. 

 

I was seeing a phycoligist and was trying to explain my symptoms she told me it could be ptsd or the medication. She wanted me to do a technique with beeping in headphones. I tried it at home and it felt like I could feel my heart racing and wanted to cry but I couldn’t feel any emotion from my brain. It was like there was a chemical block to stop any emotions of feelings in my brain. But I still felt them logically if that makes sense but it’s like I couldn’t feel anything. I also tried to excersise and I felt like my body was tired but i couldn’t feel it in my brain.  I thought because I committed to it I should see if it helps after presisting with it this time. Honestly I just felt terrified and so out of it I wasn’t myself. I was trying to find out answers but no one was clear with me. If anything it seemed like they were deterring me from coming off. I told the psychologist I don’t know how I’m meant to do therapy if I can’t feel anything and my head feels empty. She said lots of people do therapy on medication. I really don’t think anyone was listening or understood. 

 

I had had to wait to see a psychiatrist and she told me I had a severe reaction to the medication but never advised me to come off and said what if I get worst? Some of the side effects went away but was left with not sleeping properly, the hallucinations, feeling empty in my head, I thought I don’t care what happens I can’t live like this.  After a few visits she told me to increase the medication that I might not be on the correct dose! I finally had enough and told her that it I’m getting off this poison. I stop seeing doctors. 

 

I had been on it for approx 5 months and I tapered over about 3-4 months. I experienced brain zaps, pressure, and not much else, I’ve been off the medication about 6 weeks now and I’m just starting to sleep a little better, the hallucinations are gone. I still like feel everything else is blocked and still have pressure in my fore head and I’m to scared to go out by myself cause I still feel empty. I used my emotions to navigate myself through life and this is tourture. 

 

I would just like to ask that considering I had an adverse reaction presumably from the first tablet, would I have done damage from continuing the to take the medication On top of the reaction? 

From what I’ve read from your site I was going through what felt like withdrawal from the adverse reaction. Do you have any advise moving forward? Does this seem correct? 

 

Thank you for you time and any advise you can give me. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ChessieCat

Hi Button and welcome to SA,

 

Please see the topics in this thread (listed in Post #1).  Reading these may help you to understand what has happened and that recovery may be very slow and frustrating, but is possible, but it is going to take time.  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

The only supplements which SA recommends are Magnesium and Omega-3 Fish Oil .  Try a small amount, one at a time, to see how you respond.

 

Please create your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

  • details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
  • summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

This is your own introductions topic where your can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

 

Edited by ChessieCat

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Altostrata

Welcome, button.

 

I am sorry you went through this. 

 

Your nervous system needs to settle down from the adverse reaction to the drug. This will be very gradual. It's a good sign you've already seen improvements, your nervous system is still sensitized, please be patient and treat it gently.

 

How often do you take temazepam to sleep? What is your sleep pattern?

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

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Carmie

Hi Button, 

 

I wanted to welcome you to SA too. What an awful experience you went through, I’m so sorry. It’s just typical, you get a bad reaction and the doctors just say it will settle and push through the side effects, it will go away. Another thing they do a lot of the time is wanting to up the medication, like in your case. I’m so glad you didn’t go to a higher dosage. 

 

No, you haven’t done permanent damage to your brain, though it certainly can feel like it. Your brain is just struggling really hard to find some kind of homeostasis again. Unfortunately, while trying to do this it will be going through windows and waves. Windows are when the symptoms are bearable, and waves are when the symptoms are intense, it’s the brain’s way of healing. We all need to ride the waves while going through withdrawals.

 

 

Check out the link ChessieCat gave you on Are We Nearly There Yet? 

 

Wishing you all all the best in your recovery💚

 

 

 

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Button

Thank you ChessieCat

I have read some of these and will continue to. I read that an adverse reaction seems to be linear in recovery if I read that correctly. Which I think is what’s happening. But conserned about other symptoms. 

 

I will try try some fish oil and magnesium. 

 

Thank you 

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ChessieCat
6 hours ago, Button said:

I read that an adverse reaction seems to be linear in recovery if I read that correctly.

 

Recovery from psychiatric drug use whether experiencing an adverse reaction or not, is not linear.  It happens in a windows and waves pattern.

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Here's some additional information which might help you to understand what is happening:

 

Recovery isn't linear it happens in a Windows and Waves Pattern

 

Withdrawal Normal Description


When we take a psychiatric drug, we are adding chemical/s to the brain.  The brain then has to change to adapt to getting the chemical/s.  It might have to change something to do with A and then once that change has been made it affects B so another change has to be made and so on down the line.  It is a chain reaction, a domino effect.

 

The same thing happens when we take the drug away.  That's why it's possible to experience such a vast array of withdrawal symptoms, and they can change, and be of different intensity.

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

These explain it really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

On 8/31/2011 at 5:28 AM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

AND

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

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Altostrata
17 hours ago, Altostrata said:

How often do you take temazepam to sleep? What is your sleep pattern?

 

Still need info about this.

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Button

Thank you Altostrata, 

 

 Sorry I’m am just responding to you now. 

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Button

Thank you Altostrata, 

 

most of my symptoms have gone away. I had bladder infections and bruises and bits of blood in my nose that I have forgot to mention. Doctors told me they weren’t side effects. Which clearly they were. 

It was really hard to sleep with the hallucinations and I also had jerks that woke me up. That is gone now. 

My sleep pattern isn’t great as I’m not able to go out and be active. But it is slowly getting better but really all over the place. I seem to be sleeping at about 2 to 3am to maybe 9am. It’s hard to fall asleep because I don’t ever feel tired so I just try to close my eyes snd hope to fall asleep. And I wake up like I haven’t been asleep at all. I’ll take the temaz maybe once a week when I’m desperate. Even with the drug I feel my eyes getting tired but it doesn’t give me that sedated feeling.

 

im just so conserned about this chemical block feeling in my brain. Some days I feel heaps of pressure and other empty like that part of my brain in missing. It’s really hard to discribe I try to excersise but it’s doesnt help because I don’t feel the effects.  

 

Do you know what this is? 

Do you think this this is from the adverse reaction? Or is this a side effect of the medication that hasn’t gone away?

 

Thank you you for your support it’s meant a lot  

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Altostrata

Those are post-drug symptoms. Like withdrawal symptoms, your nervous system will very gradually return to normal.

 

What time do you go to bed, what time do you get up? A regular sleep schedule can help a lot. See

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

What is the sleep cycle?

 

Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful

 

TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime


Music for self-care: Calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

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Button

I seems to fall asleep at about 3am and sleep till 9 or so. But it dose vary. 

 

 

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Button

I felt this symptom very early on though before withdrawal. 

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Altostrata

Please read the links I gave you above.

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Button

Thank you for the suggestions. Sorry if that’s confusing. I meant to say I felt the chemical block pressure feeling early on when taking the medication. Not just to do with my sleep.

Im conserned my emotions and personality is gone. I don’t fell like anything that gave me pleasure isn’t  giving me the emotion I used to feel. Or any emotionally connections to memories or experiences. It’s like I have no mood. Just nothingness and  It’s like I don’t know how I feel about anything and like there is something blocked in my brain. I just feel nothing. I can’t feel music or calming effects of anything. What’s confusing is I feel normal not drugged or sick but just like there is something missing from my brain. I almost feel like everything was wiped away. When the effects wear off does your old emotions come back? 

 

I so would rather have dealt with my emotions than this. I’m sure many people regret taking that first tablet 😔 

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Button

Thank you Carmi, 

 

I did just write you a response but my phone went dead and delected it! . I will respond to you soon. Thank you for your support. Means so much ❤️

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ChessieCat

What you are experiencing is very common.  And yes, it does improve with time.  I've been taking an AD for 25 years and recently as my dose started getting lower my emotions started coming back.  However it is good to be aware that it can go the opposite way and as our emotions return we can become very emotional and that it can be a bit overwhelming at times because we have been so used to being numb.

 

anhedonia-apathy-demotivation-emotional-numbness

 

emotional-numbness-on-and-off-drugs

 

emotional-lability-or-waves-and-windows

 

derealization-or-depersonalization-dr-and-dp

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Button

Hi Carmi, 

 

Im so glad I didn’t go up to. It’s unbelievable. It’s like they are given the least amount of information and don’t warn you about any the risks. Gps shouldn’t  be able to prescribe these meds. But even my psychiatrist didnt know what was going on. If I had listened to her I would of been on a cocktail of drugs. When I would ask questions your made to feel like your being difficult. I wanted to research my ad before taking it but my friend caught me when I felt vulnerable 😔 

 

I really hope nothing permant has happened. Thank you so much 

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Button

Hi ChessieCat,

 

Thank you for all that.

I remember the first few months of taking the med there was a period of when I was starting to fall asleep I would feel like I had moved on to the other side of the couch and I would open my eyes and feel disoriented and anxiety cause I hadn’t moved.  Or I felt like my thoughts didn’t  belong to me even though I knew they were my thoughts and they were really loud. I’m sure that was some sort of depersonalisation or disassociation but I felt like in a Constant state Of anxiety and confusion but I felt really drugged and hungover feeling.  Also felt like derelisation like I was in a dream world. I felt so much pressure behind my eyes. And felt lots of visual things when closing my eyes. All of that is gone except the pressure. 

 

I jyst cant seem to find what I’m experiencing at the moment. Hopefully this makes sense. I don’t feel anxiety. My thoughts feel normal. I feel pretty much like myself like I could go out and function again. I don’t feel numb. I don’t feel affected by drugs.  I get lots of pressure behind my eyes and inside in my head and I literally feels like my brain is missing.  Like there is a cavity where my brain used to be. Its so disturbing I can’t function out side my house. I honestly feel like I don’t know how I would function if this doesn’t go away. I tired to drive today and it just feels terrifing it’s like Im trying to focus on driving and my eyes are not connecting to anything in my brain cause if feels like it’s not there. I hope this explains it properly. I find it hard to get it down in writing.  Is there any info on this or peoples experience in this? Dose anyone know what this is? 

 

 Thank you for all the information I’ll continue to read them. 

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Button

Thank you but it’s really like that either. 😔

 

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ChessieCat

The links I've given may not describe exactly what you are experiencing but it does given examples of what strange symptoms members experience.

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Button

Yes I understand, I Just I can’t find anything similar that could give me hope it could go away so I’m scared I have something rare or damage that might not get better. Or I have some permanent side effect like some people have the sexual ones. I haven’t been able to leave my home without my partner for over a year. I could deal with other side effects but I just can’t function with this. 

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