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hayduke

hayduke: coming off olanzapine / Zyprexa

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hayduke

Been a while since an update so here goes.

 

1.25mg feels a bit like no man's land.  It's been ok to stabilise here but not terribly comfortable.  Sleep has been more like 7hrs a night rather than the 9-10 I've got used to.  It also feels like my body is wanting to have its natural metabolism back but the 1.25mg is disrupting it enough that it can't, while not being the heavier sedation the drug generally provides.  (Neither Arthur nor Martha as the poms might say).  I was wondering why they don't sell tablets in this dosage when the 2.5 is still said to be less than required, but hanging out here for the last few months it's pretty clear.

 

Since the immediate bushfire threat in the vicinity is diminished for now and I felt enough equilibrium, onwards through the fog.  I made the next 2.5% cut.

 

When I returned to work this week I was bombarded with "this piece of work is late, it's urgent, why are you so slow".  I was appalled by this as it just isn't that important at all and after 3 weeks of the nation's trauma, family and friends suffering, evacuating, defending in the fires, watching normal civilisation collapsing and the military sent in, that was all they had to say on my return.  Not even 'how did you go with the bushfires?'.  I walked out and took the day off.

 

Even as city dwellers they should understand that it isn't normal to choke for three months on smoke for two of every three days.  You can't hang out the washing.  You can't walk down the shops.  You can't exercise, or travel widely.  Most of them seem to have a blind spot even talking about it.  I've been ready to evacuate within an hour for the last few weeks which is not kind to an overactive limbic system that I am trying to have relax.  Disapproving looks when I won't spend 2+ hours a day commuting in "hazardous" air quality, which is the highest rating of bad.  We had triple that the other day.  They don't seem to grasp that a few hours down the road people had no food, petrol, comms or even drinking water.

 

Whole species are extinct from this.

 

I am starting to look for other work.  My workplace seems to be transitioning from a small team of highly competent people with mutual respect to a typical corporate cog in the machine type of management.  Neoliberal bullsh*t, I don't want to waste my life on that.

 

Aware that I've been on edge with the cut, but there are so many external stressors.  I'm concerned that over the next few years the environment and social order will collapse further with the climate crisis, and being dependent on a drug that might become harder to get will become more of a liability.  Still not wanting to rush off it, but more of a drive to ride the edge of discomfort because I'm not sure the luxury of a more leisurely descent will be affordable.

 

Again scared and angry that any kind of social safety net that would give me a year or two to complete the withdrawal comfortably without too much external pressure has been corroded by Tory idiots and greedy businessmen.  It would be stigmatising, I would lose my independence and quality of life to accept it...and it wouldn't even be enough to cover rent and food let alone clothing, vehicles and anything that might constitute enjoyment of life.  Horrified at the loss of the bulk of Australia's restorative and peaceful green nature habitats in one greenhouse-gassed fire season. 

 

Recently I was watching a guy on youtube talk about national scale trauma.  That is what is going on here.

 

Will be visiting my supportive psychologist soon.

 

Timing and circumstance has a lot to do with my outlook here but I'd be interested in hearing from other olanzapine survivors how things went for them at or below 1.25mg.

 

Cheers

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hayduke

I took a sick day the next work day as well.  Too stressed and edgy so I looked after myself and got the lounge clean which is nice, and cooked.  Next morning spoke to my line mgr which was positive and constructive so I'm confident we'll sort things out, and did the day's work.  (I have to give props to the engineer who taught me when to walk out back in the 90s - sometimes it's the best thing to do).

 

Saw a great music concert with old friends at the end of the week which was very refreshing.  Just resting now, pretty tired still.  We have a bit of rain here finally which is enormous relief and I'm pretty sure that's part of the fatigue as well - sense of things finally being safe again for now and body going 'right, lights out!' in a big slump 🙂

 

Glad I didn't roll back the cut, either, I would like to keep moving off this plateau.  And affirming to navigate the stressful situation successfully without doing so this time.

 

Cheers

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hayduke

Making a note of current supplement usage for the sake of logging it:

 

- 2x recent vitamin B12 shots, 1 to go

 

Once a week or more:

- Omega 3/6:  two shots hemp seeds, two shots chia seeds, two shots ground linseed in yoghurt with optional fresh fruit

- MgCl or Epsom salts via bath, foot bath or oil spray

- Niacin 500mg

- Zinc 40mg

- Manganese 10mg

 

Daily:

- Methyl Folate 400ug

- Coenzyme Q10 150mg

- Vitamin E 1500 IU

 

I've mentioned before I've had concerns about tardive dyskinesia.  Manganese and Niacin was the combo I was trying previously.  I can't say it's been hurting.  The last while I've noticed I want to stretch my hands more, drum my fingers etc now and again.  Not uncontrollably but it did get me thinking.  It mightn't be a million miles from akathisia either.  I forget where I read it, but vitamin E was also recommended against TD.  I've been taking that daily for a while and it seems to settle down that impulse which is good indeed.

 

I notice a little boost to energy levels from the CoQ10, again welcome.  I shelved the creatine because it was piling on weight...don't need any help with that!

 

With caffeine I've got down to either one teabag of Earl Grey in the morning, or 2 grams espresso coffee.  I thought I could CT the caffeine from here but nope 🙂  too debilitating.  I like the taste of coffee better than tea as well.

 

Giving up coffee is much harder than most people think, or will admit.  Having done it twice before I knew the way down.

 

My hack is now to blend decaf with full strength espresso.  A standard espresso is about 7g of coffee so 2g coffee + 5g decaf and I get exactly what I want 🙂

 

I'll now taper nice and slowly till it's 100% decaf.

 

Cheers

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BadMedicine

Hey @hayduke

Sounds like you have had a tough time recently. The Bush fires are terrible and I'm sorry you have been so personally affected and that your work has been so unsympathetic. You definitely did the right thing taking some time off for your mental health. In my experience work will take as much out of you as they can so you have to push back a bit when things get unreasonable.

I'm sure that all this stress has affected how you feel on 1.5mg and hopefully these external stressors will diminish soon and make the continued taper more comfortable. I know what you mean about wanting to be off the drugs. It's not nice to be so dependent on something to be able to live but hopefully you won't come across problems with supply before you are able to get off it.

In terms of the sleep - how much did you need before taking olanzapine? Maybe you are getting back to a more natural rhythm now that you don't have the heavy sedating effect at these lower doses.

I'm afraid I can't give you any insight into what it's like below 1.5mg as I am still on 5mg. In fact I am looking to you for inspiration and reassurance that it is possible to get off this drug. I hope someone else can give you some advice.

Good luck with your continued taper and hope you stay safe from the Bush fires.

 

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hayduke

Thanks for the kind words @BadMedicine

 

How are you going?

 

Feeling a lot better this week with the rain.  Just rested and recharged over the weekend, it's been nice and quiet.  Today starting to feel a bit of energy again (work will take care of that before long though 😉 )

 

I'm sure you're right about sleep.  The sedative effects of the drug are much less marked at this point, and it would be my normal pattern re-emerging.  Last seen 17 years ago!  Much of my current sleep is lighter, and it is summer, but I'm still managing 7-9 hrs most nights.  Waking quite early a lot of the time but can often fall back into another REM cycle or two.  And taking nanna naps when not at work.

 

Finding consciously long slow exhales with open mouth can be quite helpful to fall asleep.  Yay yoga.

 

I just had my 3rd vitamin B12 shot of 3 today, and last night I made the second olanzapine cut in this set of four.  I'm at 1.178mg right now which is around the level I got antsy before the hold, so I'll see how I go.

 

On a whim switched to a 25ml pipette which is a bit easier to wrangle and suits the 2.5mg tablet i'm titrating without doing any maths (unless you count moving the decimal point 🙂 )

 

Cheers

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Miko789

 

Good that you have relax time with friends. need that too.

 how are bushfires in your area?

 

naps during the day are envigorating

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hayduke

Miko, we had a quiet week with a bit of rain which was some welcome rest, but hot, dry and wind yesterday so the portal to hell opening again.  Also a C-130 water bomber crashed in the Snowy Mountains yesterday which is awful.

 

Naps are great, I think Spain gets it right with Siesta.  There's nowhere to take them at my work.  

At this stage in my wds I'm sleeping shorter amounts overnight but napping in the arvo too.  I think biphasic sleep like this is more normal as you get older.  I'm doing ok, thanks.

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hayduke

The work problems seem to be clearing up which is promising.

 

Had a busy day yesterday with work and a visit to my psychologist.  Was helpful to air some work and family issues and talk about the bushfire stresses.  The usual stuff which would help most people 🙂

 

Then to yoga which was great, I hadn't been for a month.  Slept well and felt myself unwinding through the day today. 

 

Fourth cut in the set due on the weekend.  Some low moods and mild derealisation at the hardest points in this set, and working memory isn't stellar right now.  Sluggish some mornings too but that's never been unusual for me.  Four weeks since last weed use and still reducing caffeine so I'm not surprised it's been a tad lumpy for now.  The weed took the edge off the occasional hard day but I felt it's more bother than help lately.  Anyway that's evening out gradually.

 

Good to be moving on the taper again.

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carefulprayerful
On 3/21/2019 at 8:26 PM, hayduke said:

If I’ve learnt one thing, it’s that you have to take charge of your own healing.  No one else can do it for you.  Shop around and find supportive crew who will back you up - they’re out there.  Breggin observes that signalling helplessness is what lands you in hot water in this rather unhealthy society.

@haydukeThank you for sharing this.  I think we really do have to steer the ship.  Get informed and seek what we need.  Glad to read you only have one drug to taper off.  Congratulations on your progress! 

Best, CarefulP

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Carmie

Hi Hayduke, 

 

Good to hear that you’re marching forth with your tapering. It’s a long, slow process, isn’t it? I’ve got forever still to go but each drop is a step closer to getting off these meds. 
 

Sending hugs🤗

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hayduke

Cheers @Carmie

 

Wayyyy longer than any of us would like...but better than rushing it!

 

*hugs*

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hayduke

Quick update.

 

2 weeks into the hold, not much discomfort.  Some real fatigue at times though.  Down to 1.5g of coffee a day, padded to a full shot with decaf.

 

Sleeping closer to 7 hours a night than 8 most nights (except when I have to wake up for work and could sleep for hours - typical pattern I recall from before being drugged) and sometimes 6, but not too terrible.  Feeling the sleep I'm getting is good quality most nights.

 

Any hint of ragged symptoms from the cuts are abating as the hold continues, so the usual pattern.  Next set of cuts due in a week.

 

It's been raining a fair bit which is super nice.

 

Cheers

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