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Trauma and transformation: Feeling traumatised by WD


GiaK

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I'm finding that looking at my experience via a trauma lens and hence one that includes PTSD is becoming very helpful.

 

I've posted a few things on this in the last few days. The texts I highlight are being very helpful for me. I'm just going to post links as there are several lately. I have yet to write a post about how it all seems to work in terms of protracted withdrawal syndromes...I'm sure that will come but I've not yet developed all my thoughts on the matter. Perhaps a conversation here might help move that process along...please share your thoughts...

 

The healing journey revealed (trauma and transformation)

http://beyondmeds.com/2012/04/08/traumatransformation/

 

Trauma is often held in the body and experienced as chronic pain

http://beyondmeds.com/2012/04/06/traumachronicpain/

 

Trauma release exercises (or tension release too) — the body speaks

http://beyondmeds.com/2012/04/04/thebodyspeaks/

 

This does NOT negate the very real physiological and neurological crap we are experiencing. What it can do it help us manage it all...since it does seem to be very much a body/mind thing.

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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Hi Gia:

 

I am in complete agreement in regards to the body & mind link.

 

Here are two posts I have shared with this forum which are actually tools to address this issue:

 

Here is tool that addresses removing feelings trapped in the physical body.

 

Hi. I do not remember that term in the Drama either.

 

It is however a book that resontated deeply with me. 

 

Before I chose Dr. Polypharmacy to address my issues, I was in talk therapy. My therapist and I used do practice something called rebirthing. Essentially, you breath in a very deep and concentrated way and all this trapped emotion and memories come up. And wherever you store stress in your body, you will feel it. For example, I store all my stress in my neck and during some of the sessions I could feel all the emotions literally get lock there, I was in terrible pain and I was directed to breath and cry and scream and the pain moved up and out my mouth.

 

ANYWAY, how this relates is this: during one session I had an intense memory. All of a sudden I got chillingly cold. And I remembered being a baby in my crib crying out for my Mother to come get me warm. She wouldn't come. I literally felt the fear of my Mother not coming to warm me. I felt the abadonment. I was crying like a baby. I relived the movement in rebirthing.

 

Rebirthing is weird wild stuff. 

 

But, it lent credibility to what the author was saying in the Drama of a Gifted Child. That these fears are set inside of us as babies. My Mother cannot show love physically and she has a ton of baggage and fear. She told me that when she gave birth to me that I looked at her as if "this is what I am getting for a Mother?". I have always had an attitude and been precocious, but I kind doubt that the minute I came out of the birth canal that I was capable of assessing her potential as a parent. So I know that her feelings of inadequecy where transferred to me as a baby when she held me. Also, I was not breast fed.

 

Here is another tool which teaches you to be your own parent and heal yourself in moments of anguish:

 

I learned the following visualization exercise from a therapist I went to in the early 1990's. It is very powerful and effective in calming and healing mental anguish. It involves calling your inner child. So please follow me.

 

Imagine yourself as you are now

 

Imagine that you are in front of an elevator on any floor of your choosing, in any building of your choosing

 

Imagine that the elevator doors open and you step in and press the button for the basement

 

Imagine a slow ride down the elevator

 

Imagine that the elevator doors open and your see yourself as a child (at any age) at a place that was a happy place for you as a child

 

Imagine that you walk up to the child and say hello

 

At this point have a dialog with your child. Tell your child whatever you as an adult feel you should tell your child. Listen to what your child tells you. Stay with your child for as long as you feel you need to

 

(This part will be very personal)

 

When you depart from your child imagine walking to the elevator

 

Imagine waiting for the elevator doors to open

 

Imagine stepping into the elevator and pressing the floor you came from

 

Imagine standing in the elevator and riding up to your original floor

 

Imagine the elevator doors opening and step out of the elevator

 

AT THIS POINT YOU MAY FEEL LIKE CRYING, YOU MAY FEEL A SENSE OF CALM, YOU MAY FEEL A SENSE OF CONTROL

 

This is a very powerful exercise that helps you to calm and heal past pain and current pain. It can be practiced PRN or regulary.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Withdrew cold turkey from six medications: Celexa, Zyprexa, Depakote, Ativan, Ambien and Phentermine in 2002. It has been 10 years since I told polypharmacy to take a hike and have joined this forum to let others know that success is possible and to hopefully save people from experiencing the suffering that I did under psychiatric "care".

 

MY STORY

 

"TENSION is when we try to be who we think we should be, RELAXATION is when we are who we really are."

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Thanks whatever...interesting stuff you shared, yes.

 

Rebirthing is very powerful, you're right...I wouldn't recommend it while in full withdrawal or painful protracted withdrawal...it elicits stuff akin to tripping on a hallucinogen...same with holotropic breathwork...I did these sorts of things many years ago...I agree it's interesting stuff...and potentially quite enlightening.

 

it creates lots of body chemicals that in my compromised state I wouldn't consider doing at this point...it might be okay for some of us, but I'd be very very cautious.

 

the other exercise sounds interesting too...

 

The trauma oriented work I'm talking about is very body oriented. Helps one get in their body.

 

Rebirthing in as much as one sort of "trips" isn't particularly body oriented...in fact it might even sometimes be considered somewhat dissociative...while it can be therapeutic, certainly, it's not interchangeable with the somatic-type of body work.

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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  • Administrator

Beautiful posts, GiaK, thanks!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Gia , with all due respect this is a clear case of differing experiences.

 

When I  was a teenager I experimented with hallucinogens such as acid and mishroolm. Because of those experiences I can clearly declared that rebirthing never mimicked "tripping" for me,

 

One dinetiction between the two is that when tripping you are more tend to react to outside stimulus. Whereas in my experience with rebirthing  all sensory stimulus originated from from deep inside my bodyguard. As aI mentioned before I have a history of bruxiismg and cervical dystomia, while doing rebirthing my feelings got bottlenecked in my jaw and  neck;   so much so hat I couldn't i However with guided support of the two people giving me rebirthg ( one was aca RN the other a therapist, I was able to break through the bottleneck. And for a week thereafter I had no headaches, (I am a chronic suffer of tension headaches and migraines.)

 

So  rebirthing for me garnered positive results, but just as in medications YMMV.

Withdrew cold turkey from six medications: Celexa, Zyprexa, Depakote, Ativan, Ambien and Phentermine in 2002. It has been 10 years since I told polypharmacy to take a hike and have joined this forum to let others know that success is possible and to hopefully save people from experiencing the suffering that I did under psychiatric "care".

 

MY STORY

 

"TENSION is when we try to be who we think we should be, RELAXATION is when we are who we really are."

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I'm very sorry I seem to have offended you.

 

I used the term tripping rather loosely and perhaps I should not have done that...I often compare what I'm going through in protracted withdrawal to tripping too...it's an issue of not having language for many of the experiences.

 

In any case things of the mind/psyche and spirit often defy words, pretty much always actually...they also vary greatly from individual to individual. Tripping for me was deeply internal...so, that is perhaps where the difference lies...whatever the case nothing was meant to be an affront to your personal experience.

 

Rebirthing and holotropic breathwork both alter ones sense of reality...they do create an altered state...enough that it's hard on the body in ways that might be challenging for those of us in withdrawal and post withdrawal...that is why I made the reference, that people would know to be cautious. I should have left the "tripping" comparison out since that is a word that is bound to be misunderstood by many...if for no other reason than because the individual connotations one applies to it differ so greatly.

 

so again, I'm sorry, I've offended you.

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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I wanted to second the recommendation for Trauma Releasing Exercises. I actually wanted to post about them a little while ago, but couldn't quite find the words. Glad you did Gianna! I found them to be extremely beneficial for serious muscle tension held over from benzo use. These exercises really, really work, and they do so in a way that is very quick, or at least that was my experience. I swear I lost years worth of tension in one session, and probably saved countless years of therapy. Other people noticed too, they said I seemed more relaxed. I also found that I didn't need to do all the exercises; I have the book and I only do the last one, and still find it to be effective.

 

Oh, and one more thing...it's likely that I have a (so far) minor case of tardive dyskinesia. I suspect these exercises also helped lessen twitching, maybe by lessening stress-generated tension.

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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I wanted to add this bit from Gianna's post as it seems appropriate:

 

The tremors turn down the central nervous system’s automated and hyper-aroused fight or flight or freeze response by creating a vibration of contraction and relaxation that releases the built up energy and tension held in the muscles and connective tissues of the body. While this shaking is the body’s innate response to calm down the body when it is traumatised or overexcited, it is often seen as a sign of weakness and there for suppressed, leaving the body held in a chronically stressed and tense state.

 

 

Thanks again for posting this Gianna!

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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  • Administrator

Hi, Unfolding! Good to see you again.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Not to detract from the topic, but hello Alto, and thanks for the greeting!

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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  • 3 years later...

Hi all, 

 

does anyone else feel traumatized by the wd experience? 

 

I'm having trouble thinking about anything else apart from how I have been damaged by the medications I was given, how to campaign so our problem gets more widely recognize etc. 

 

I can't focus at all on the things that were important to me in life before wd. My studies, my hobbies, my friends. I tried meditation, Thai Chi, going for walks, but it's really hard to focus my mind on other things than antidepressants, big pharma and what they do to people. 

 

I wonder is this still a withdrawal symptom or will I stay traumatized and have to deal with this on top of all the problems I had before wd. 

 

Cheers, 

 

Laura

Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional

Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. 

After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. 

June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells

September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. 

 

Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn

 

Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland:

https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg

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I too have wondered how much trauma occurs from WD. It has certainly consumed much of my life over the last 2.5 years. Thinking about it. Researching. Trying to find relief of some kind or another. Perhaps there is a degree of PTSD. There were (are) many times where I felt my life was in danger. I was/am scared for my life to a large degree. Will it ever end? Am I permanently brain damaged? Will I ever be able to function again?

 

It really does sicken me to think that these pills are being given out like candy. It reminds me of a time when smoking was considered good for you and recommended by doctors... Until the truth came out.

Drug history

  • On and off ADs about 3 times in a 10 year period - All CT with no problems
  • 6 months of ADs during pregnancy (can't remember what type or dosage) - CT a week after birth with no problems
  • 2 years of alcohol abuse - CT with moderate withdrawals
  • Approx 3 weeks of Remeron (Mirtazapine) 15mg - CT with massive withdrawals
  • One dose of Cymbalta 30mg (?) - Caused severe panic attack and binned them
  • Clean of all drugs (except nicotine) since Jan 30 2013
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I am 34 months off and just starting to feel like I am making some major strides forward but I am definitely going to counselling to deal with the PTSD this withdrawal has caused. I don't think there are too many things out there that compare to the terror of this experience. Dr's need to know

12 year on Paxil 20mg. Dropped to 5mg a few years before weaning, Was on 5mg weaned over a few months and then went off Aug 15, 2012. Severe withdrawal started Nov 2012 and have been slowly recovering. Have had all physical symptoms especially muscle, immune and food sensitivities!

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I definitely feel traumatized. This has been the scariest, nastiest and most desperate time of my life. Very few things in the world can top that.

I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

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Yes. I could think of little else for almost two years. Laura, the ruminating is a feature of withdrawal. And of course you are past withdrawal by now. One dose of an antidepressant is enough to change the brain.

 

Dazed "It really does sicken me to think that these pills are being given out like candy" for trivial complaints, too.

 

This feels like proof that shape-shifters run the show. (David Icke)

2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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Hi...

Yes, I'm living this horrible experience right now.....also I can say I didn't manage to bear it. The problem is that I ingenuously started to quit cipralex

in a hard moment of my life, in the middle of my PhD and having also a part-time job.....but NOBODY told me how disturbant, painful and tragic are the symptoms....physical pain and a never-had-before insomnia and anxiety at out-of-this-world level....I tried to resist for a month but I've lost my battle...all that I had built with sacrifice was fading away....now I'm 4 days again on cipralex and I'm feeling a looser (btw I also don't feel better).....but now I know at least what kind of hell to expect when I will quit the med again (in a super long taper) and hopefully for the last time!!!

 

It's incredible that nobody warn you that also if you quit the medicine quite slowly you have the possibility to have such a nightmare

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (for somatic abdominal pain + reflux) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression

on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg, fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg doctor advised

05/05/2015 huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat, mild akathisia legs-feet

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here)

middle 07/2015 general improving

10/2015 start disastrous too long taper 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg .... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 0.6 mg 

1/APRIL/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 - 10/2020 MILD WAVE(mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

6/2021 - 9/2021 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, anhedonia)  0.125g triazolam  2 times

18/03/2022 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, PAIN in muscles and nerves, arms and right leg,cannot exercise,hard to walk) 0.125g triazolam 3 times

7/5 rein 0.1mg

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I feel extremely traumatized by the wd experience because it has been tough and complete life changing. Before I started the Celexa I was not doing good I have social anxiety and it affects almost all parts of my life but in no way does it compare to wd, wd twice as difficult. Having so many terrifying and strange symptoms (mostly mental) that I have never had before, is normal to question ones sanity. It has left me shaken and confused and a heartache because of all the years being lost because of this. I just hope that I and everyone that suffers from wd will get through this and come out stronger on the other side. As of now I just have to have lots of distractions, ride it through, be aware of the symptoms without any attachments and of course have a positive attitude. I wish everyone well.

Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety

Failed attempt to stop reinstated

1 year taper skipping doses

Celexa free 12/2013

1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day

Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only

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  • Administrator

There is no doubt it is traumatizing. Be aware that you will go through many emotions as you understand your condition. Accept this. Anger, hurt, and fear are reasonable responses to an unreasonable situation.

 

Do what you can to channel your outrage constructively. As you feel better, help others. This helps you heal and find meaning in your suffering.

 

Fear, terror, panic and anxiety: coping, reframing, transforming

 

The Magic of Helping Others

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi all, 

 

does anyone else feel traumatized by the wd experience? 

 

I'm having trouble thinking about anything else apart from how I have been damaged by the medications I was given, how to campaign so our problem gets more widely recognize etc. 

 

I can't focus at all on the things that were important to me in life before wd. My studies, my hobbies, my friends. I tried meditation, Thai Chi, going for walks, but it's really hard to focus my mind on other things than antidepressants, big pharma and what they do to people. 

 

I wonder is this still a withdrawal symptom or will I stay traumatized and have to deal with this on top of all the problems I had before wd. 

 

Cheers, 

 

Laura

 

Hi Laura.

 

I am feeling traumatised for a few different reasons, and I haven't even had it half as bad as many others on here. Everyone that's going through this, you're all heroes, I respect you so much, even though you didn't choose it. 

 

I am in Ireland too, btw. It's slightly comforting to know that there's someone nearby experiencing this! 

2009-2012: Lexapro 10mg, and then varying doses , multiple failed attempts to wean myself off. Instant withdrawal side-effects, including: loss of balance; forgetfulness; bruxism; apathy; pins & needles; extreme anxiety; panic; extremely vivid dreams and nightmares; akathisia; suicidal ideation; sleep paralysis; skin crawling; and more.2012-March to 2013-December: Lexapro 10mg, Life was great.2014-January to 2014-December: Weaned myself off, using 10mg and 5mg doses only. Alternated & skipped days until finally going cold turkey. Experienced restless leg at night, temporarily. Numbness in scalp, sporadically.2015-January to 2015-April No medication. 2 weeks after taking final pill - choking sensations [ongoing]. 6 weeks after final pill - Random, all-over, burning / pin-prick / electric shock sensations throughout my body [Ongoing] (Never any brain zaps though.) Tinnitus symptoms [temporary.] Loss of sensation in throat/neck [ongoing]. MRI of brain and C-spine; blood tests; all clear. 2015-April to now 10mg Lexapro. Loss of sensation in fingers [constant]. Still experiencing burning / pin-prick / electric shock sensations all over my body since before reinstatement [almost constant]. Still experiencing numbness in throat/neck since before reinstatement [constant.] Balance problems [infrequent]. Pins and needles in legs & feet [infrequent.]<p>2015-Nov to date: 10mg daily. Numbness in finger remains, some electric shocks, but it doesn't bother me anymore. Loss of sensation / motor capabilities in tongue / throat / airways continues, seems to be getting worse.
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Hello my fellow traumatized people!

 

It's so good to hear your opinions and learn that I'm not the only one feeling traumatized. 

 

I'm probably one of the people on here with the least horrific journey and symptoms. Yet I feel traumatized and am going through all the emotions you mentioned. 

 

It's definitely a life changing experience. 

 

@Someday: Someone else in Ireland? That's amazing. I'll reach you over personal message. Maybe we can help each other a bit by exchanging information about doctors etc. 

Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional

Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. 

After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. 

June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells

September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. 

 

Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn

 

Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland:

https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg

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  • 4 months later...

I have been traumatised by the whole WD "experience" as well. Never been in so much pain both mentally and physically. Feel as though my life has been ruined.

 

Wonder if anyone has tried taking these pharma companies to court over the horrendous side effects and WD.

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)  Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018  Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome

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Severely traumatised by this

Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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I don't think about anything other than wd, pills, my past (how I used to be) and will I ever heal/how does one move on after this.

CD off meds in July 2015, not on any medication since. Went through WD nightmare, now dealing with normal anxiety, but decided not to leave this forum yet because I want to support and give hope to others. ♡

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Very traumatized by withdrawal, my thoughts are of constant despair, frustration at big pharma and wondering if I'm ever going to stabilize. I get constant flashbacks of my normal (pre withdrawal)life, hoping I might someday be this person again

MEDS HISTORY

2004 hospitalized for acute alcohol induced psychosis and started on my psych drug merry-go-round.2004-2006 SSRI > SNRI Merry-go-round finally settled on Effexor. Also was started on Risperdal in 2004 but switched to seroquell after I had a bad reaction to it.2008. Was switched from Effexor to pristiq, Also managed to successfully Quit Seroquel Cold Turkey.Asenapine- 5mg- August 2014 ~ May 2015. Was put on for Social Anxiety, was great at first then started developing disabling side effects, did a rapid taper and so started my withdrawal nightmare...

MEDS CURRENT

Pristiq-100mg ~ Currently holding

Olanzapine- 3.75mg May 2015 ~ Currently tapering by -.06mg per week (Jan 2016, 3.5mg  ~Feb 2016 intractable insomnia updose to 3.75mg)

Quetiapine- 50mg June 2015  ~Dec 25 2015 Quit cold turkey. ~(Feb 6 2016 hit with intractable insomnia - reinstated 50mg.)

August 2016 : Became destabilised after messing around with cutting doses, trying THC oil etc eventually stabilised,

Held doses for 5 years.

January 2022: Hit poop out, struggling to get more than 3 hours sleep, been one week straight of pure hell, praying to hold on. 

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Trauma and transformation: Feeling traumatised by WD
  • 3 months later...

Definitely feel traumatized. I can't escape the memories of the really bad waves. 

Escitalopram August 2015 - 20mg

Some time in winter 2017 down to 10mg with no problems

May 21 2018 5mg, June 4 2018 2.5mg, June 18 2018 0mg 

October 1 2018 something's wrong 

October 2 2018 arriving in hell

Reinstated 0.25mg

October 27 2018 0.35mg, November 23 2018 0.5mg, November 24 2018 0.6mg

November 28 2018 0.5mg and holding since 

Taking fish oil and magnesium 

L-Thyroxin 50 for Hashimoto's

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  • 3 weeks later...

The irony of being prescribed meds  for trauma and then to be re-traumatised in the place you seek safety “treatment”. A whole new dimension of interpersonal trauma. Almost worse than the original trauma, when you think you have found your solace only to discover it’s a mirage; a dark mirage. 

Our weakened states  keep us locked in powerlessness. There are no meet-up support groups, I believe, because we are so ill and organising such support is beyond us.

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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