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GiaK

Trauma and transformation: Feeling traumatised by WD

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GiaK

I'm finding that looking at my experience via a trauma lens and hence one that includes PTSD is becoming very helpful.

 

I've posted a few things on this in the last few days. The texts I highlight are being very helpful for me. I'm just going to post links as there are several lately. I have yet to write a post about how it all seems to work in terms of protracted withdrawal syndromes...I'm sure that will come but I've not yet developed all my thoughts on the matter. Perhaps a conversation here might help move that process along...please share your thoughts...

 

The healing journey revealed (trauma and transformation)

http://beyondmeds.com/2012/04/08/traumatransformation/

 

Trauma is often held in the body and experienced as chronic pain

http://beyondmeds.com/2012/04/06/traumachronicpain/

 

Trauma release exercises (or tension release too) — the body speaks

http://beyondmeds.com/2012/04/04/thebodyspeaks/

 

This does NOT negate the very real physiological and neurological crap we are experiencing. What it can do it help us manage it all...since it does seem to be very much a body/mind thing.

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Whatever

Hi Gia:

 

I am in complete agreement in regards to the body & mind link.

 

Here are two posts I have shared with this forum which are actually tools to address this issue:

 

Here is tool that addresses removing feelings trapped in the physical body.

 

Hi. I do not remember that term in the Drama either.

 

It is however a book that resontated deeply with me. 

 

Before I chose Dr. Polypharmacy to address my issues, I was in talk therapy. My therapist and I used do practice something called rebirthing. Essentially, you breath in a very deep and concentrated way and all this trapped emotion and memories come up. And wherever you store stress in your body, you will feel it. For example, I store all my stress in my neck and during some of the sessions I could feel all the emotions literally get lock there, I was in terrible pain and I was directed to breath and cry and scream and the pain moved up and out my mouth.

 

ANYWAY, how this relates is this: during one session I had an intense memory. All of a sudden I got chillingly cold. And I remembered being a baby in my crib crying out for my Mother to come get me warm. She wouldn't come. I literally felt the fear of my Mother not coming to warm me. I felt the abadonment. I was crying like a baby. I relived the movement in rebirthing.

 

Rebirthing is weird wild stuff. 

 

But, it lent credibility to what the author was saying in the Drama of a Gifted Child. That these fears are set inside of us as babies. My Mother cannot show love physically and she has a ton of baggage and fear. She told me that when she gave birth to me that I looked at her as if "this is what I am getting for a Mother?". I have always had an attitude and been precocious, but I kind doubt that the minute I came out of the birth canal that I was capable of assessing her potential as a parent. So I know that her feelings of inadequecy where transferred to me as a baby when she held me. Also, I was not breast fed.

 

Here is another tool which teaches you to be your own parent and heal yourself in moments of anguish:

 

I learned the following visualization exercise from a therapist I went to in the early 1990's. It is very powerful and effective in calming and healing mental anguish. It involves calling your inner child. So please follow me.

 

Imagine yourself as you are now

 

Imagine that you are in front of an elevator on any floor of your choosing, in any building of your choosing

 

Imagine that the elevator doors open and you step in and press the button for the basement

 

Imagine a slow ride down the elevator

 

Imagine that the elevator doors open and your see yourself as a child (at any age) at a place that was a happy place for you as a child

 

Imagine that you walk up to the child and say hello

 

At this point have a dialog with your child. Tell your child whatever you as an adult feel you should tell your child. Listen to what your child tells you. Stay with your child for as long as you feel you need to

 

(This part will be very personal)

 

When you depart from your child imagine walking to the elevator

 

Imagine waiting for the elevator doors to open

 

Imagine stepping into the elevator and pressing the floor you came from

 

Imagine standing in the elevator and riding up to your original floor

 

Imagine the elevator doors opening and step out of the elevator

 

AT THIS POINT YOU MAY FEEL LIKE CRYING, YOU MAY FEEL A SENSE OF CALM, YOU MAY FEEL A SENSE OF CONTROL

 

This is a very powerful exercise that helps you to calm and heal past pain and current pain. It can be practiced PRN or regulary.

 

I hope this helps.

 

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GiaK

Thanks whatever...interesting stuff you shared, yes.

 

Rebirthing is very powerful, you're right...I wouldn't recommend it while in full withdrawal or painful protracted withdrawal...it elicits stuff akin to tripping on a hallucinogen...same with holotropic breathwork...I did these sorts of things many years ago...I agree it's interesting stuff...and potentially quite enlightening.

 

it creates lots of body chemicals that in my compromised state I wouldn't consider doing at this point...it might be okay for some of us, but I'd be very very cautious.

 

the other exercise sounds interesting too...

 

The trauma oriented work I'm talking about is very body oriented. Helps one get in their body.

 

Rebirthing in as much as one sort of "trips" isn't particularly body oriented...in fact it might even sometimes be considered somewhat dissociative...while it can be therapeutic, certainly, it's not interchangeable with the somatic-type of body work.

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Altostrata

Beautiful posts, GiaK, thanks!

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Whatever

Gia , with all due respect this is a clear case of differing experiences.

 

When I  was a teenager I experimented with hallucinogens such as acid and mishroolm. Because of those experiences I can clearly declared that rebirthing never mimicked "tripping" for me,

 

One dinetiction between the two is that when tripping you are more tend to react to outside stimulus. Whereas in my experience with rebirthing  all sensory stimulus originated from from deep inside my bodyguard. As aI mentioned before I have a history of bruxiismg and cervical dystomia, while doing rebirthing my feelings got bottlenecked in my jaw and  neck;   so much so hat I couldn't i However with guided support of the two people giving me rebirthg ( one was aca RN the other a therapist, I was able to break through the bottleneck. And for a week thereafter I had no headaches, (I am a chronic suffer of tension headaches and migraines.)

 

So  rebirthing for me garnered positive results, but just as in medications YMMV.

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GiaK

I'm very sorry I seem to have offended you.

 

I used the term tripping rather loosely and perhaps I should not have done that...I often compare what I'm going through in protracted withdrawal to tripping too...it's an issue of not having language for many of the experiences.

 

In any case things of the mind/psyche and spirit often defy words, pretty much always actually...they also vary greatly from individual to individual. Tripping for me was deeply internal...so, that is perhaps where the difference lies...whatever the case nothing was meant to be an affront to your personal experience.

 

Rebirthing and holotropic breathwork both alter ones sense of reality...they do create an altered state...enough that it's hard on the body in ways that might be challenging for those of us in withdrawal and post withdrawal...that is why I made the reference, that people would know to be cautious. I should have left the "tripping" comparison out since that is a word that is bound to be misunderstood by many...if for no other reason than because the individual connotations one applies to it differ so greatly.

 

so again, I'm sorry, I've offended you.

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UnfoldingSky

I wanted to second the recommendation for Trauma Releasing Exercises. I actually wanted to post about them a little while ago, but couldn't quite find the words. Glad you did Gianna! I found them to be extremely beneficial for serious muscle tension held over from benzo use. These exercises really, really work, and they do so in a way that is very quick, or at least that was my experience. I swear I lost years worth of tension in one session, and probably saved countless years of therapy. Other people noticed too, they said I seemed more relaxed. I also found that I didn't need to do all the exercises; I have the book and I only do the last one, and still find it to be effective.

 

Oh, and one more thing...it's likely that I have a (so far) minor case of tardive dyskinesia. I suspect these exercises also helped lessen twitching, maybe by lessening stress-generated tension.

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UnfoldingSky

I wanted to add this bit from Gianna's post as it seems appropriate:

 

The tremors turn down the central nervous system’s automated and hyper-aroused fight or flight or freeze response by creating a vibration of contraction and relaxation that releases the built up energy and tension held in the muscles and connective tissues of the body. While this shaking is the body’s innate response to calm down the body when it is traumatised or overexcited, it is often seen as a sign of weakness and there for suppressed, leaving the body held in a chronically stressed and tense state.

 

 

Thanks again for posting this Gianna!

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Altostrata

Hi, Unfolding! Good to see you again.

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UnfoldingSky

Not to detract from the topic, but hello Alto, and thanks for the greeting!

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Laura1981

Hi all, 

 

does anyone else feel traumatized by the wd experience? 

 

I'm having trouble thinking about anything else apart from how I have been damaged by the medications I was given, how to campaign so our problem gets more widely recognize etc. 

 

I can't focus at all on the things that were important to me in life before wd. My studies, my hobbies, my friends. I tried meditation, Thai Chi, going for walks, but it's really hard to focus my mind on other things than antidepressants, big pharma and what they do to people. 

 

I wonder is this still a withdrawal symptom or will I stay traumatized and have to deal with this on top of all the problems I had before wd. 

 

Cheers, 

 

Laura

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DazedNConfused

I too have wondered how much trauma occurs from WD. It has certainly consumed much of my life over the last 2.5 years. Thinking about it. Researching. Trying to find relief of some kind or another. Perhaps there is a degree of PTSD. There were (are) many times where I felt my life was in danger. I was/am scared for my life to a large degree. Will it ever end? Am I permanently brain damaged? Will I ever be able to function again?

 

It really does sicken me to think that these pills are being given out like candy. It reminds me of a time when smoking was considered good for you and recommended by doctors... Until the truth came out.

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Jaywill

I am 34 months off and just starting to feel like I am making some major strides forward but I am definitely going to counselling to deal with the PTSD this withdrawal has caused. I don't think there are too many things out there that compare to the terror of this experience. Dr's need to know

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bluebalu86

I definitely feel traumatized. This has been the scariest, nastiest and most desperate time of my life. Very few things in the world can top that.

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westcoast

Yes. I could think of little else for almost two years. Laura, the ruminating is a feature of withdrawal. And of course you are past withdrawal by now. One dose of an antidepressant is enough to change the brain.

 

Dazed "It really does sicken me to think that these pills are being given out like candy" for trivial complaints, too.

 

This feels like proof that shape-shifters run the show. (David Icke)

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Marta

Hi...

Yes, I'm living this horrible experience right now.....also I can say I didn't manage to bear it. The problem is that I ingenuously started to quit cipralex

in a hard moment of my life, in the middle of my PhD and having also a part-time job.....but NOBODY told me how disturbant, painful and tragic are the symptoms....physical pain and a never-had-before insomnia and anxiety at out-of-this-world level....I tried to resist for a month but I've lost my battle...all that I had built with sacrifice was fading away....now I'm 4 days again on cipralex and I'm feeling a looser (btw I also don't feel better).....but now I know at least what kind of hell to expect when I will quit the med again (in a super long taper) and hopefully for the last time!!!

 

It's incredible that nobody warn you that also if you quit the medicine quite slowly you have the possibility to have such a nightmare

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Purplestars22

I feel extremely traumatized by the wd experience because it has been tough and complete life changing. Before I started the Celexa I was not doing good I have social anxiety and it affects almost all parts of my life but in no way does it compare to wd, wd twice as difficult. Having so many terrifying and strange symptoms (mostly mental) that I have never had before, is normal to question ones sanity. It has left me shaken and confused and a heartache because of all the years being lost because of this. I just hope that I and everyone that suffers from wd will get through this and come out stronger on the other side. As of now I just have to have lots of distractions, ride it through, be aware of the symptoms without any attachments and of course have a positive attitude. I wish everyone well.

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Altostrata

There is no doubt it is traumatizing. Be aware that you will go through many emotions as you understand your condition. Accept this. Anger, hurt, and fear are reasonable responses to an unreasonable situation.

 

Do what you can to channel your outrage constructively. As you feel better, help others. This helps you heal and find meaning in your suffering.

 

Fear, terror, panic and anxiety: coping, reframing, transforming

 

The Magic of Helping Others

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someday

Hi all, 

 

does anyone else feel traumatized by the wd experience? 

 

I'm having trouble thinking about anything else apart from how I have been damaged by the medications I was given, how to campaign so our problem gets more widely recognize etc. 

 

I can't focus at all on the things that were important to me in life before wd. My studies, my hobbies, my friends. I tried meditation, Thai Chi, going for walks, but it's really hard to focus my mind on other things than antidepressants, big pharma and what they do to people. 

 

I wonder is this still a withdrawal symptom or will I stay traumatized and have to deal with this on top of all the problems I had before wd. 

 

Cheers, 

 

Laura

 

Hi Laura.

 

I am feeling traumatised for a few different reasons, and I haven't even had it half as bad as many others on here. Everyone that's going through this, you're all heroes, I respect you so much, even though you didn't choose it. 

 

I am in Ireland too, btw. It's slightly comforting to know that there's someone nearby experiencing this! 

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Laura1981

Hello my fellow traumatized people!

 

It's so good to hear your opinions and learn that I'm not the only one feeling traumatized. 

 

I'm probably one of the people on here with the least horrific journey and symptoms. Yet I feel traumatized and am going through all the emotions you mentioned. 

 

It's definitely a life changing experience. 

 

@Someday: Someone else in Ireland? That's amazing. I'll reach you over personal message. Maybe we can help each other a bit by exchanging information about doctors etc. 

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Junglechicken

I have been traumatised by the whole WD "experience" as well. Never been in so much pain both mentally and physically. Feel as though my life has been ruined.

 

Wonder if anyone has tried taking these pharma companies to court over the horrendous side effects and WD.

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NoMeaning25

Severely traumatised by this

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servadei

I don't think about anything other than wd, pills, my past (how I used to be) and will I ever heal/how does one move on after this.

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simack

Very traumatized by withdrawal, my thoughts are of constant despair, frustration at big pharma and wondering if I'm ever going to stabilize. I get constant flashbacks of my normal (pre withdrawal)life, hoping I might someday be this person again

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withhopeinmyheart

Definitely feel traumatized. I can't escape the memories of the really bad waves. 

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India

The irony of being prescribed meds  for trauma and then to be re-traumatised in the place you seek safety “treatment”. A whole new dimension of interpersonal trauma. Almost worse than the original trauma, when you think you have found your solace only to discover it’s a mirage; a dark mirage. 

Our weakened states  keep us locked in powerlessness. There are no meet-up support groups, I believe, because we are so ill and organising such support is beyond us.

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