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ShiningLight: brain injury with gabapentin WD want off others

ShiningLight

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2 hours ago, Guilietta said:

I think I would be inclined to gradulaly in crease the gabapentin until WD subsided to a tolerable level, stabilize then hold, and taper down the zolof. But - I'm not sure of the details of your situation, etc. I'd work this out with my MD. She and I work as a 'team' which is a good approach.

 

 

Thanks for your thoughts. I feel like the worst thing I could do right now is to increase the gabapentin--it's been you-know-what even getting where I am now and I have bad side effects from it, which is why I need to get off. I feel like it's also a bad idea to attempt to taper the zoloft with my gaba receptors dysregulated from benzo and gaba tapers in the past 9 months. As much as I would love to get off zoloft! I've been on zoloft for 15 years with several failed attempts at getting off, and it is a beast I'm going to have to address at the end of the gaba taper and after a long, long wait of at least a year, possibly two. The only way I'd be willing to try that is if the dystonia got so bad it impaired my ability to work. I pray that doesn't happen.

 

At this point, I am following the tapering advice of this site, and my neuro is also giving me advice through the gabapentin withdrawal. He's the one who told me to continue to hold at least until I go to PT this Friday. I am thinking about holding longer than that. If he tells me to go faster than this site, I'm not going to unless I have some kind of life threatening side effect, or unless he thinks that the gabapentin itself is causing the dystonia. That doesn't seem to be the case, because he advised me to hold when the dystonia got worse, so it does seem to be a withdrawal effect of the gabapentin as you have suggested.

 

There is no absolute way in you-know-what I'm going back on klonopin either. I felt like a zombie while I was on it and I had tremors due to my drug burden. Klonopin is another beast to taper. @Shep gave me excellent advice on that one and saved me from more horrors, a fact for which I remain extremely grateful. I was lucky to come off the klon with minimal problems. I suppose the worsening dystonia could be a latent withdrawal effect from the klonopin, but who knows. I'm kind of doubtful about that because I came off the klonopin in April, which was almost 6 months ago now, and I hardly had any side effects then and I wasn’t on it for long. I know withdrawal can take time to manifest but I still doubt it's the klonopin. In any case, the universe smiled up on me the day I came across such a gem of a human being. The length of the rest of my withdrawal suffering is unavoidable at this point, but some of it was, and that is thanks to Shep and the other mods on this site. When I am feeling down that it's going to take me so long to come off the 3 drugs I'm still on, I need to remember to be grateful that I was saved from having to add a slow taper of klonopin to that mix!

 

I'm going to approach the dystonia with PT, gentle exercise, and slow tapering of the rest of the toxins I'm on.

 

In regards to the speed of my gabapentin taper, as you know it was initially a fast taper by my idiotic psychiatrist. There's nothing I can do about that now. I also tried to go faster due to dental problems, but I have abandoned that idea. I am pleased and very grateful with where I am at this point, relatively speaking. My withdrawal symptoms are tolerable overall, though I do have flareups and they do get me down sometimes.  Yes, I will absolutely have to not attempt a stunt like a 3 mile walk or other vigorous exercise again until I'm better! I am recalling now that the fatigue was a symptom I had earlier in my gaba withdrawal. I could only do one or two things a day and I had to increase it very slowly.

 

Yes, I've come off a lot of drugs in the past year and again, am very, very fortunate to be functioning as well as I am at this point.

 

I'm so sorry about your lost post. I hate that. I often create my posts in Word to prevent that from happening. I hope that your duloxetine outcome goes well!

You are absolutely right that the MDs may have been trying to make me feel bad (and go away) because they didn’t know what was causing my problem. In any case, I’m glad that most of the time now I can stay far away from MDs and the healthcare system in general.

 

Have a great day!

 

 

 

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Dear @ShiningLight


 

I'm so sorry (and angered) that you have received inadquate 'help' from MDs who treated you in an undignified way (i.e., feeling humiliated) - they are good at that.

 

Back to dystonia.

11 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

Looking back it started with zoloft in 2004 and it started only in my toes. Over the years, it progressed to my hips, where it was triggered by horseback riding. As I've been on gabapentin, the range of motion that triggers the hip dystonia was decreased, ie I get the hip dystonia more easily now. And now while withdrawing from the gaba, I get it in my shins and other muscles that didn't have it before.

 

It took me quite a while to go through your sig this morning and dno mroe resarch. It isn't too clear.

 

If I have read your gaba history accurately,  you have come off of gaba WAY too fast. Off 1800 CT in Feb. Reinstatement to 1350 followed by a very abrupt reduction to 400 mg ( <2 months later.). From 1350 the next reduction should have been tno 1215 if following best practicese but you are at 1/4 that. Gabapentin of 1800 mg took me 3-4 months for my body to acclimate to.

 

Per the BMJ

 

Did the dystonia worsen when you removed the clonazepam? Was it helped by it?

 

Gaba acts in a way similar to clonazepam. During the speedy taper of gabapentin  you started  and came off of clonazepam. You are still on zoloft - which started the dystonia. I don't think you're supposed to come off clonaz and gaba simultaneously since they are both used as treatment for dystonia.

 

It seems plausible that withdrawing both the clonazepam and the gaba so abruptly may have exacerbated the dytonia. I think it will probably take more time for the dystonia to go away. To miniize it - I would minimize the amount of physical activity re my above comment.Shorter walks. I don't know what else you do for physical exercise. LImiting the amount of house cleaning a day. Whatever you do for physical activity.

 

Is the same person who is prescribing these drugss?

 

As this is drug induced - I may reinstate some of the gaba very gradually since lowering it increased your dystonia and hold there until you stabilize. The next thing I would do is continue to reduce zoloft. I'd not get on the clonazepam.

 

MDS WHO TREAT EPILEPSY USE GABAPENTIN - which is how it is used primarily - SO THEY MAY KNOW A LOT  ABOUT THIS - MAYBE MOre THAN A MOVEMENT SPECIALIST? They have get people on and off it. Many epeilpsy MDs use multi-drugs for many of their patients (I and everone I hapen to know has to do this_.

 

Good article about GABA - which I skimmed.

 

http://www.denvernaturopathic.com/news/GABA.html

 

If it was me here are a few ideas I might start with:

  • I imagine you have consulted with tyour HMO about next steps - so you don't have go through the anxiety and trouble repeaatedly with them. you're not satisifed, you have no diagnosis, etc. MDs have not found solutions. Document everything. Have done this with mine. mention an epeilpsy md based on logic i suggested - and you will  be investigating your options.
  • Look into find someone who knows about getting people off ADs including gaba and know about dystonia. (there is a list on this site to begin with, maybe contact glenmuellen and brogan for referrals, there is a shipley fellow in the LA area). 
  • Is there a foundation for people with movement disorders/dystonia? Could you contact them for practitioner recommendations and education? They may have patients who have drug induced dystonia
  • If you look at pubmed  - perhaps you could find people who publish on drug induced WD of gaba, benzos and zoloft  - contact them and get referrals to colleagues isn their area.

Dispense with these morons at HMOs, ERs, and MD offices. It's easy for them to think they are invalidating you (makes them feel better about themselves when they don't have the answers??) when they don't hae to walk in your shoes.  Their nastiness is their issue  not yours. :) 

 

You are there for help - diagnosis and treatment and referral to appropriate person. Others (including me) go there for help.  It's their job. Because they aren't doing their job (like these other people we've all seen) we need to go for 2nd and 3rd opinions. Like you and the rest of us = we want to get on with our lifes. :)

 

11 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

"A movement disorder isn't an emergency."

 

Going into one of these places alone is frightening. A family member lives 1.5 hours away. Otherwise I don't have a local person/friend I can count on so need to work on this.  Who advocates for us? I get more anxious (and I get more agitated) when I believe no one's hearing me or listening to me.

 

Sorry about typos. Vision really, really blurry this morning.

 

Thjis is a lengthy email - maybe some of it is helpful. I really hope so.

 

I need to limit myself to the amount of time on the AD stuff. My AD issue today is knowing next steps for adding soe duloxetine back or just dealing with the WD as it is. I don't know the value of adding 1 mg - MD suggested 5 (!) out of my 20 mg many months. I don't get his logic and need to undestand WHY before doing anything.

 

What a bother.

 

Rest today.

 

 

 

 

 

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Giulietta Newbie

Giulietta

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You seem to be 'sounding' better in your message above - to which I'll respond tomorrow. I sent a message to @Erell a lovely young lady in Brittany and I am a SLOW writer.

 

Hopeyou have a good night. I know it's still early in CA. 😊

 

 

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ShiningLight

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I think you misunderstood. The ER trip was months ago history, not yesterday. Maybe that part was deleted in my cutting and pasting.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Giulietta Newbie

Giulietta

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1 hour ago, ShiningLight said:

I think you misunderstood. The ER trip was months ago history, not yesterday. Maybe that part was deleted in my cutting and pasting.

 

I understood that the ER trip was not recent and that you had been treated poorly. 😕

 

8 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

I suppose the worsening dystonia could be a latent withdrawal effect from the klonopin,

 

This is a good point. It is possible. I wonder if a latent presentation coupled with gapapentin WD could have exacerbated the dystonia. WD effects may show up many months later - from benzos and ADs.

 

8 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

I feel like the worst thing I could do right now is to increase the gabapentin--it's been you-know-what even getting where I am now and I have bad side effects from it, which is why I need to get off.

 

I understand that gabapentin and saw " Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability."  I had wondered if the rate of the decrease might be causing the increase in dystonia. I must have misinterpreted.

 

8 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

because he advised me to hold when the dystonia got worse,

 

I will be curious to hear if the MD believes that the gabapentin (or the gaba WD) is causing the dystonia.

 

9 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

Yes, I've come off a lot of drugs in the past year and again, am very, very fortunate to be functioning as well as I am at this point.

 

Given your multiple tapers you are fortunate that the effects are tolerable and you can work and function as well as you are. You have done admirably  to come off so much in a short time.

 

I am so glad your clonazepam taper went uneventfully. That is really somethign to be thankful for. I should search your thread to see the secret to your success. :)

 

I have been on clonazepam for about 15 years and it will be a while before I think about tapering that. The thought gives me pause. I anticipate waiting about a year after this settles before starting on that. I would also like to reduce gaba and lamotrigine before that if possible.

 

To add insult to injury -my insurer has decided  to cover lamotrigine ER (single day dosing for better seizure manaement) as a tier 4 drug (up from a tier 2).  Things means going back to  lamotrigine short acting  or change my drug, neither of which is appealing.  😬

 

9 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

I do have flareups and they do get me down sometimes.

 

Yes they do! Until we get flare ups the WD effects are tolerable and this is the 'new normal' for me. LIke you, I think I am pleased to have made it this far. I hope the worst is behind me.

 

About my situation

 

BrassMonkey's wisdom is that I not reinstate unless my symptoms make functioning normally not possible - or do 1 mg if I need to reinstate. Idiot psychiatrist wants 5 MG reinstatement. BrassMonkey advises against this and I agree.  I would like to not reinstate at all.

 

I do wonder how late I can reinstate if WD symptoms might worsen and may render me unable to function. 

 

I hope you have a good evening. :)

 

 

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ShiningLight

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Yes I surmise the MD thinks the withdrawal is worsening the dystonia because he told me to hold right after I told him the dystonia was worse.

 

No secret...just luck and trying to be patient. Also acceptance as much as possible.

 

I didn't CT the gaba, it was over a few weeks but might as well been a CT for how fast it was.

 

Side effects from being on gaba: vision problems, clumsiness, dropping things, interdose wd, and spasticity. And memory problems.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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ShiningLight

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I agree with Brass re your situation. If you're not in a situation where it's actively getting worse now, I wouldn't worry about it.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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ShiningLight

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Slowly recovering from overdoing exercise Sat. Today the fatigue is mild. I realized in retrospect that my hammies were in a day long constant spasm yesterday. They felt weak, but I realized there were probably contracted all day, causing the weak feelings because I couldn't use them properly to walk. I'm looking forward to PT Fri 

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Giulietta Newbie

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Hi there.

 

Glad your less fatigued after your marathon and legs improving :).

Rest, heat and gentle stretching (when possible) helps me. I had tremendous quad pain and near immobility (think of trying to climb or descend stairs) out of nowhere 3 months into my discontination. Maybe this was a WD symptom as I hadn't done any activity to precipate this.

 

One of the wonderful things about  PT is the heat and massasge. I have been sent home with exercises (on printed pages since I can't remember them) which I am pretty good at doing.

 

My situation is not actively getting worse now so I am inclined to stay where I am as Brass advises.  Do you think worse symptoms might present at this stage?

 

Here's to a good day,

 

Giuilietta

 

 

 

 

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What I would like to say today after reading other people's histories...the drug changes doctors make are a form of violence. These doctors do not respect the drugs and do not respect the brain. It's insane.

 

I have the pain and fatigue of dystonia today as a direct result of that violence. I have a repeating crampy pain in my forearm that's bothering me this afternoon. The situation makes me mad.

 

I have to carefully ration my activities to match my projected energy level. So there are some things I would have liked to do today and would have been reasonable for a normal person to do. But I have to delay them, which is frustrating.

 

I'm thankful for what I was able to do though, and thankful that the things on the waiting list can actually wait.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Giulietta Newbie

Giulietta

Posted
Posted

Hello ShiningLight.

 

I am really sorry that you had an bad day yesterday with your dystonia and are frustrated (and mad probably) about not meeting goals.

 

I had the same thoughts this morning - after seeing Erell's troubles the past few days, your dystonia, and my ongoing WD frustrations . I  resent the loss of time and energy to this, and loss of normal functiion.  Yesterday I spent 5 hours online on this . It took me 3 hours to write Rhiannon a message last night because I couldn't figure out how to respond and do so simply and clearly. Then another hour on an email to the MD. An hour on a message to Erell. These were all important. I wanted to respond to @intothewoods - but had no time or energy.  I had a miserable night's sleep, was a mess this morning.  My gosh, I used to write for a living!

 

In general we are a source of revenue to the medical industry - MDs, drug companies, insurers, the government, etc., etc.,  It is in their intrerest to make us sick or keep us this way!  🤭   Crime is a big business. It creates jobs and big money. Medical whistle-blowers risk their livelihoods and perks as did those in the tobacco industry when they revealed the addictive nature of their products.

 

Lilly has known at least since 2008 or 2011 (either way - that's ancient history) that cymbalta is extremely difficult to get off of yet they have not changed how it is made (or pulled it from the market). The FDA abdicates their responsibililty by allowing them  and others to get away with a black box warning label.

 

13 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

the drug changes doctors make are a form of violence. These doctors do not respect the drugs and do not respect the brain.

 

Most MDs I don't think respect us and not undestand the addictive nature of the drugs.

 

13 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

I have to carefully ration my activities to match my projected energy level. So there are some things I would have liked to do today and would have been reasonable for a normal person to do. But I have to delay them, which is frustrating.

 

Well said. A person unimpaired by these meds could meet the target. I can't. It is personally frsutrating and an embarrassment to me.  I have a pile of undone things - which I really want to do - and those which others expect from me.  I resent this whole situation.

 

Just venting....

 

 

 

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intothewoods Rookie

intothewoods

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Guilietta said:

I wanted to respond to @intothewoods - but had no time or energy.  I had a miserable night's sleep, was a mess this morning.  My gosh, I used to write for a living!

 

No worries @Guilietta as I completely understand. These meds really do limit our lives to the core and, as Brassmonkey has said, "tear the body apart." Yet you and @ShiningLight and @Erell have lately flooded SA with your strength, warmth and wisdom. I greatly appreciate all of you. (Thank you for posting on my thread @ShiningLight and I will respond after my doc appointment....crazy few days!)  

 

Peace and calm to you all, and a lazy afternoon. 💜

* Fluoxetine: 40 mg 1999-2012; 60 mg 2012-March 2019;  45.2 mg at present.

* Provigil: 25-100 mg PRN 2005 to mid-2015; 200-300 mg mid-2015 to early 2016; tapered from 300 mg in early 2016 to 100 mg early 2017; tapered from 100 mg early 2017 to 33 mg June 15, 2019;  8.9 mg at present.

* Amitriptyline: 10-15 mg 2002-2013; 25 mg 2014 to December 5, 2018; December 15, 2018 converted to water suspension and tapered to 16.5 mg at present

* Diazepam: 5 mg at night 2002-present. 

 Supplements: Iron for anemia

Recent tapering timeline:

2019:  Fluoxetine 60 mg        Provigil 33.5 mg      Amitriptyline 25 mg   Diazepam 5 mg

2022:          45.2 mg                      8.9 mg                     16.5 mg                        5 mg

Back Story: From 2012 thru early 2017, relocated and cycled through over 20 primary and psych docs (supposedly for severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) who prescribed two dozen different psych meds in search of the "perfect therapeutic combo." Took most for only a few days, some for a week. Included Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Belsomra, Tramadol, Librium, Halcyon, Remeron and -- the last straw, Trintellix. Began in early 2016 when it was still called Brintellix (Pharma's attempt to combine the words "brilliance" and "intelligence" in a pill name), became unable to eat or sleep, lost 25 lbs and the ability to speak. Slowly tapered myself back to Prozac by 2017 but was unable to stop akathisia, cortisol mornings and kindling which continue, actively, through present.

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Giulietta Newbie

Giulietta

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Hello @intothewoods

 

What lovely sentiments. I see your unopened letter and I will look at it today - even for a brief response. It has been hectic lately and I am struggling with what to do with my dosage and formula as I don' tknow how much drug I am getting. 🤔

 

Why you don't compound cymbalta into a liquid (from the patient's perspective!) could be a chapter in your book.  😊  

 

Giuilietta

 

 

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ShiningLight Contributor

ShiningLight

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2 hours ago, intothewoods said:

 

Yet you and @ShiningLight and @Erell have lately flooded SA with your strength, warmth and wisdom. I @ShiningLight

 

For my part, I can say it's much easier to dish it out than follow it myself! 🤣 But I do try. And this situation has forced me to find strength I didn't know I had. I take great comfort in the community here.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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intothewoods Rookie

intothewoods

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, ShiningLight said:

For my part, I can say it's much easier to dish it out than follow it myself! 🤣 But I do try

 

I cannot stop laughing 😂 😂🤣🤣🤣. It's so true for us all! But you guys are seriously fun and I'm having a blast while being encouraged. 

 

1 hour ago, Guilietta said:

Why you don't compound cymbalta into a liquid (from the patient's perspective!) could be a chapter in your book.  😊  

 

It is, @Guilietta! Not just Cymbalta but all of them. There's already some info out there but the requests I've had are to make it patient-friendly (while still working around the liability aspects but that's getting easier too 😀). 

 

Thank you again for such impassioned support. I can't stress enough how hearing your suffering and struggles moves me to help as best I can. We're all in this together! 💖

 

 

 

 

* Fluoxetine: 40 mg 1999-2012; 60 mg 2012-March 2019;  45.2 mg at present.

* Provigil: 25-100 mg PRN 2005 to mid-2015; 200-300 mg mid-2015 to early 2016; tapered from 300 mg in early 2016 to 100 mg early 2017; tapered from 100 mg early 2017 to 33 mg June 15, 2019;  8.9 mg at present.

* Amitriptyline: 10-15 mg 2002-2013; 25 mg 2014 to December 5, 2018; December 15, 2018 converted to water suspension and tapered to 16.5 mg at present

* Diazepam: 5 mg at night 2002-present. 

 Supplements: Iron for anemia

Recent tapering timeline:

2019:  Fluoxetine 60 mg        Provigil 33.5 mg      Amitriptyline 25 mg   Diazepam 5 mg

2022:          45.2 mg                      8.9 mg                     16.5 mg                        5 mg

Back Story: From 2012 thru early 2017, relocated and cycled through over 20 primary and psych docs (supposedly for severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) who prescribed two dozen different psych meds in search of the "perfect therapeutic combo." Took most for only a few days, some for a week. Included Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Belsomra, Tramadol, Librium, Halcyon, Remeron and -- the last straw, Trintellix. Began in early 2016 when it was still called Brintellix (Pharma's attempt to combine the words "brilliance" and "intelligence" in a pill name), became unable to eat or sleep, lost 25 lbs and the ability to speak. Slowly tapered myself back to Prozac by 2017 but was unable to stop akathisia, cortisol mornings and kindling which continue, actively, through present.

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Giulietta

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2 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

For my part, I can say it's much easier to dish it out than follow it myself! 🤣 But I do try

  

Yup.  I wish I could follow my own advice!  What I can consistently follow is using a weighted blanket at night and my black out eye mask.  🤣  I will keep trying with the rest of it and I won't give up. ;)

 

1 hour ago, intothewoods said:

It's so true for us all! But you guys are seriously fun and I'm having a blast while being encouraged. 

 

There is a lot of camaraderie here.

 

I hope your MD appointment goes well. :)

 

 

 

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ShiningLight Contributor

ShiningLight

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This is the kind of workweek that sucks me up Monday morning and spits me out again Friday afternoon. 😱 There's not much more I can say about it, other than that I am seriously considering spending the weekend in bed.

 

@intothewoods laughter is absolutely the best medicine!

 

I am feeling a bit better today withdrawal wise. Could be the passing of time and could be stopping magnesium. Less buzzing and less dystonia. 

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Giulietta Newbie

Giulietta

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On 10/2/2019 at 4:13 PM, intothewoods said:

I can't stress enough how hearing your suffering and struggles

 

@intothewoodsI hope I don't come across as a sufferer and complainer... 😕  As you say we are all in this ark togther. :)

 

7 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

This is the kind of workweek that sucks me up Monday morning and spits me out again Friday afternoon. 😱 There's not much more I can say about it, other than that I am seriously considering spending the weekend in bed.

 

@ShiningLight

Sounds like whatever they are paying you, it isn't enough 😉 This was almost a mantra at my previous work places.  Do you find that employers push you harder the more productive you are so they can get more work from you - or you will lose your job if you can't meet expectations?

 

I'd be looking forward to a long nap in the afternoon. :)

 

 

7 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

I am feeling a bit better today withdrawal wise. Could be the passing of time and could be stopping magnesium. Less buzzing and less dystonia. 

 

Excellent news. Maybe the passing of time? I thought magnesium was a helpful supplement?

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India Newbie

India

Posted
Posted
On 3/31/2019 at 12:11 AM, ShiningLight said:

feels like a bit of a horror to wake up and realize that the drugs you thought were helping you actually ruined your life and your brain

😢 This realisation has been traumatic.

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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ShiningLight Contributor

ShiningLight

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3 minutes ago, India said:

😢 This realisation has been traumatic.

 

My too, my friend. We have to hold out hope for a better future.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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India Newbie

India

Posted
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On 10/6/2019 at 1:10 AM, ShiningLight said:

 

My too, my friend. We have to hold out hope for a better future.

😢 Keeping the faith is an ongoing battle. But knowing others are fighting to have faith and hope keeps me going another day.

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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ShiningLight Contributor

ShiningLight

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All right. I'm gonna let 'er rip for a moment here.

 

I'm tired. I feel like crying but I'm not quite able to. I am so, so tired on every possible level. My brain is tired. My spirit is tired. My body is tired. I'm tired of dealing with situations that aren't fixable. I'm tired of dragging myself around in chronic pain and discomfort. The inactivity of my desk job hurts my body.

 

I wanted more for my life than this. I feel like I'm in a pit. My living is crammed into what little I can do on weekends, and that's not a lot at all. It just really bites. And it's not getting better. I need to figure something out, be it getting a job closer to home so I'm not sitting in rush hour traffic all the time, or cutting my hours. I've tried to get permission to work from home but that is not available right now. I think working from home for even just part of the time would really help. It may be an option in the future at some undetermined date, but it isn't now, and I don't know when it will be.

 

Right now I'm also working on building my time off bank after my lengthy absence earlier this year. So I'm not taking much time off. It feels like it's taking forever to save the time. I have almost 3 weeks of time saved now. I have a day off later this month and next month I have Thanksgiving, the day after, and the weekend. Then I'm taking half a week off at New Year's. I feel like I'm trudging up this big, long hill. It's exhausting.  

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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ShiningLight Contributor

ShiningLight

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Now I'm really mad.

I guess the ol' emotions are waking up. 😅

 

Hi-ho Silver!!!

 

 

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Giulietta Newbie

Giulietta

Posted
Posted

We have every right to be angry about this. I was yesterday afternoon about the time stolen from me - about all this year and my gosh - the last 1/4 of 2018. You deserve as do we all - better than what we are coping with.

 

Have you considered applying for Family Medical Leave Act? Or short-term disability (if you have that)? If you haven't yet declared disability to your employer - maybe consider it - and then telecommuting part-time would be an accommodation as long as it is not 'undue' hardship on the employer. This assumes you haven't explored htish path already. I don't know if CA has any support for residents. I wonder if you could take a leave of absence - and get a part-time job during this period while you search for another FT job closer to home? 

 

I fully understand from personal experience the fatigue and stress of long commutes. I did 3.5 = 4 hours RT a day for a number of years. It was I think not worth the extra money.

 

It is exhausting. Have you heard the expresion of pushing a grand piano through hell? 🙂

 

Going through similarly discouraging experiences here (but net effect the same).

 

Not sure what I want to post online about it though - it is he same old garbage story of my life for the past gret many years. Maybe my own doing. LIke you, I think I deserved better than this. We all do. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ShiningLight Contributor

ShiningLight

Posted
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  • Mentor
Posted

Thanks Guilietta. It's unlikely I'd get a disability accommodation of working from home. It's a reasonable request but that would take me down a road I don't want to go down with my employer. I've been down that road with other employers and it didn't end well. My experience has been that although they say they can't discriminate against you, they do. They offer you some other accommodation, not the one that you request. That has been my experience. Usually the one offered isn't very desirable, and that ends that discussion. After that, you are seen as a problem employee. Now, other people have probably had better experiences and I wouldn't encourage anyone from trying in their situation. You have to know your own employer and how they see things. Different employers are going to respond differently. However, I have tried and gotten burned, and this has stuck with me. Employers have a very broad level of power to make decisions on business necessity. It's up to the employee to prove that any discriminatory action wasn't made due to business necessity. That is very hard to prove. 

 

The momentum of going to work is one of the few things I have going for me right now. If I take FMLA, I will lose that momentum. I would also come right back to the same unworkable situation. I only returned this summer from a two and a half month leave of absence. If I want to keep my job, I can't keep going in and out of disability. There's really no point in doing that right now because it wouldn't solve the problem. It would make my situation worse. 

 

What I could do is request a permanent reduction in hours. This is a request that is often granted within my company. But I'm not sure I want to do that either because I'm saving for a move out of the area. I have a lot to think about. The first step is to find some time and energy to update my resume and look for other positions. I could transfer very close to home but I'm also wanting to transfer to a cooler climate if I can find a job.

 

I don't know how you did that commute! I am complaining about 45 min to an hour each way.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Giulietta Newbie

Giulietta

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

It's unlikely I'd get a disability accommodation of working from home. It's a reasonable request but that would take me down a road I don't want to go down with my employer. I've been down that road with other employers and it didn't end well.

 

I had this exact experience with my past employer (ironically in health industry). I made what was a reasonable request that would have been to their advantage - including taking a reduction in pay! They found ways not to transition me to a role - unless it was an entry level role and 50% pay cut (which I would have taken if it had not been 300 miles away and could have afforded to live on!). Talk about wanting to move....

 

The ADA is lip service.

 

My only success for 'accommodations' had been on the level with my supervisor/manager - who recognized me as a good employee and wanted to retain me. We focused on what I did well and what I struggled with (etc.).

 

8 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

The momentum of going to work is one of the few things I have going for me right now.

 

Agree. If you can work - I would do so. And same as you did recently return from a LOA. 

 

8 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

What I could do is request a permanent reduction in hours. This is a request that is often granted within my company. But I'm not sure I want to do that either because I'm saving for a move out of the area.

 

What about a temporary reduction in hours?? That may also give you time to update your resume.

 

Could you reduce your living expenses at all? (I am sure you have already thought of this) 🤔 

 

I have done mine in fits and starts. I think we talked about this 2 weeks ago. I spend way too much time on this.

 

8 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

I could transfer very close to home but I'm also wanting to transfer to a cooler climate if I can find a job.

 

How far away is 'cooler climate'? 500 miles? A different part of country? 

 

I wonder how you are considering your relo process - and maybe you aren't down that road yet.  Are you planning to move to the city first - and then find a job?  Or have the job first? When I moved across country - I moved first - and after 3 or 4 months landed a FT job. It would have been smarter in retrospect to get a job (even PT)  in my new city whle I looked for a better job. That would havehelped stretch my savings, given social support, etc.

 

Yes, it was a bear of a commute. One has to commute into the city where jobs are most plentiful (and pay many times more than they do outside the city) and it is a lengthy commitment/sacrifice of your personal time.

 

45 minutes sounds pretty nice....  :)

 

 

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ShiningLight Contributor

ShiningLight

Posted
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  • Mentor
Posted

A temporary reduction in hours is called taking time off. 😕

 

I can afford to now. It's my future that becomes more worrisome if I do it. Getting older and behind in retirement.

 

The North Bay Area... 100 miles or so. Will get job before i move.

 

45-60 min to go 15 miles. I'm sitting in bumper to bumper for half of it.

 

Closer to home is a 15 min commute. But I'd be looking at changing jobs twice...better to plan for bigger move.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Giulietta Newbie

Giulietta

Posted
Posted
43 minutes ago, ShiningLight said:

A temporary reduction in hours is called taking time off.

 

More fraud and deception... 😳

 

43 minutes ago, ShiningLight said:

my future that becomes more worrisome if I do it. Getting older and behind in retirement.

 

I am in that club too. It is in your interest to remain fully employed if you can manage - which you clearly know.

 

43 minutes ago, ShiningLight said:

The North Bay Area... 100 miles or so. Will get job before i move.

 

Not too far then to go for job interviews. I understand that employers use a lot of digital tools (from skype to digital interviews)  for this. I am honestly not keen on this approach - being in the bucket of getting older (and really dislike technology for the most part...)

 

I have always worked in an office environment - which has hte pro of  being able to use memory aids (think post its, lists, etc., white boards) and a bunch of other tools. It is important for me to work in a low-interrupt envirionment with as little multi-tasking as possible. Not easy to find - but how my brain does best. :)

 

Have to dash. Have a nice one. :)

 

 

 

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composter Rookie

composter

Posted
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Posted

I feel for you, SL! You are in a sticky situation with work and may have to make some tough decisions soon. From all that I’ve read from you, you have so much wisdom and strength of character and I think that will really serve you well in this process. Best not to make decisions (to leave, or to stay) out of fear, but to make decisions based on what will serve you best for your happiness and well-being. Be kind to yourself this weekend and over the next few weeks as you sort out your thoughts and consider options. Hope you can carve out good time for rest this weekend. 

Apr 2018: Began 10 mg Amitriptyline (for headaches & insomnia from concussion).

Jul - Aug 2018: Fast taper to 5 mg and then 2.5 mg (too fast, hellish withdrawal at 2.5 mg). Sept 2018: Reinstated 10 mg (many symptoms improved). Oct 2018 - Apr 2019: Updosed & stabilized on 11 mg (2 waves at 3 and 5 months post-withdrawal). Apr 2019 - Apr 2020: Tapered 0.5-0.25 mg per month using compounded pills: 11 mg —> 6 mg. (2 waves at 12 and 16 months post-withdrawal.) Apr 2020 - present: Switched to a liquid taper at rate of 0.1 mg per month. Currently: 1.1 mg. No more waves. 

 

Supplements: Omega-3 fish oil, Vit B12, coenzyme Q10, Hawthorn extract (for tachycardia) Tools for insomnia/waves (as needed): Epsom salt foot soaks, 0.5 mg Melatonin, quality time, waves WILL PASS. Lifestyle: Eat real foods, mostly plants; sunlight, walking, yoga; symptom tracking on adapted Glenmullen chart.

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India Newbie

India

Posted
Posted
On 3/31/2019 at 12:11 AM, ShiningLight said:

. I have continued in the pattern of emotional neglect of myself, despite over a decade of therapy--I believe, with the help of the meds which made me apathetic.

This is really profound. It resonates deeply for me. This where real change and growth can happen.

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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India Newbie

India

Posted
Posted
On 10/2/2019 at 2:07 AM, ShiningLight said:

What I would like to say today after reading other people's histories...the drug changes doctors make are a form of violence. These doctors do not respect the drugs and do not respect the brain. It's insane.

Yes, this is exactly it. 

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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ShiningLight Contributor

ShiningLight

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@composter, wow that's really kind. I don't usually think of myself has having strength of character. I agree with not making decisions out of fear.

@India Thank you so much for reminding me of that quote about self-neglect. It was astute timing on your part.

 

 

Disheartened, severe fatigue today stemming from muscle spasms. Unable to go to work. Can barely get out of bed. No med changes recently. Started last night in my hamstrings. So exhausted and went to bed at  9 pm. Woke up  every 2 hours or so. Today I have nothing left. I was trying to bank my time off so I'm bummed. Can barely move.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Len189 Contributor

Len189

Posted
Posted

Sorry to hear that! A temporary setback on the road to recovery, Im sure. I slept terribly as well and are plagued by symptoms today. We will get better!

2014: Paxil 20 mg - 1 year - protracted withdrawal that lasted years

2019: Venlafaxine XR 37,5 mg - 1 pill - instant adverse reaction

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ShiningLight Contributor

ShiningLight

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Posted

Aw, hope you feel better, Len! Thank you for your kind words.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Len189 Contributor

Len189

Posted
Posted

Thanks, hope you sleep better tonight and that you can return to work soon!

2014: Paxil 20 mg - 1 year - protracted withdrawal that lasted years

2019: Venlafaxine XR 37,5 mg - 1 pill - instant adverse reaction

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