☼ Repent: 7 months from Lexapro and something is really wrong

[Repent]

Hi guys! Its been almost 7 months since I ct Lexapro, having only used it in 1 month om 5 mg. Its only now for the last weeks that the zaps, vertigo, flu-sympthoms and burning are starting, and becoming more severe by each day.. And I have a constant low fever since one month. (No virus.)

 

Im burning all over my body, not sensitive to touch really.. Just feels like im on fire. And feels like breathing.. Sulfur. Not a refluxprob. (Also kinda blushing in face) All worse in my belly. Having attacks where it kinda knocks me with burning nerves all over and then goes back to constant medium-burning.. My cold sheets in bed is a blessing to naked skin! 

 

Also, notice aches and getting weaker in all my muscles.. 😕

 

Im so afraid! Whats going on! Have someone felt like this?  

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi and welcome,

 

It sure sounds like you've had a real go of things.

Did you have any positive responses to the escitalopram that you were prescribed and took for one month?

I'm interested in whether you had any adverse effects from the medication, while on it,  as well?

How did you come off of the escitalopram? 

 

And I get what you mean about handling stress and decreasing activities and interactions.  I had to do that for some time, and then even recently felt overwhelmed and retreated again for a bit.

 

Have you been on any previous medications, or are you on any now?

 

If you could help us out and create a drug signature that would be great.

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

just go to the link ^, and you will see what we like to see in the signature. 

Then go to Account Settings and you can create yours.

It's the portion that is below each members post.  If you are using a phone device, you can create a signature, but unfortunately cannot view them.

 

It looks like you have been exploring the site a bit, to date, and that's great.  I just wanted to get you approved and started today.  You've now introduced yourself to the community, and do use your introduction update page to ask questions, update on your own progress, and just generally let us know how you are doing.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

in the first post ^ there are many topics indexed that you might be interested in.

And it looks like you did find the topic in symptoms and self care on burning skin and burning feet with some explanation and management tips of that withdrawal symptom.  Yes, time, patience, becoming educated around what's happened........  It does sound like you have had some check ups with a regular physician as well......that's good too.

 

Welcome aboard,

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed name

[Repent]

Hi guys!

 

Im new here, im 30/f and its been 7 months since i ct from Lexapro (escitalopram.) And yes, I only took it for a month.. prior to that ive tried Setralin, Mirtazapin, Brintellix and Venlafaxin. Low doses. All in 18 months of a time, and I took each one for about a month since I had a pretty severe reaction to all of them and was always given something new to try from my doc. 

 

So, 7 months ago i started Lexapro, 5 mg. And an hour later my body felt like it was pushed forward when i sat still, when i walked it felt like someone dragging me backwards and my feet and legs were burning, not really dp or dr but and outer body feeling set in. After about 4 weeks my doc told me to upper the dose to 10 mg. I did. A few hours later walkin in the street i just collapsed, in cramps, my heart felt like it was on fire, a highwolt jolting thru my body.. and someone called an ambulance. I stabilized at the hospital, nothing really wrong. Got sent home. 

When i got home, i called my doc, shakin in fear.. and he told me to just quit it. Youll be okay. Dont take it anymore. Ah, yes.. so i didnt. 

 

First 2 months after ct - is all in a blurr, it was hell. No honeymoonphase here. I was insane, totally mad! Nothing worked. And felt like when someone looked at me they saw mr potatohead were nothing was were it should be. I would lie on my kitchenfloor just screaming in panic and anexiety, just feeing like i was slipping away, dying, my soul just left. 

From month 3 - I was able to leave my apartment a little longer than going foodshopping, without that haunting fear and ongoing panic. But still mostly on my floor feeling like a dead person. This is where the sweatin kicked in, totally covered in sweat all the time.

From month 4 -  The burning sensations stopped, the brain zaps stopped, the swaying feeling of being pushed and pulled also stopped, i begun to feel pretty good besides my sweat and mild flushes. Like i was back before the meds with my regular panic syndrome and anxiety, i was able to meet some friends, started a danceclass and going back to the gym. 

From month 5 - Back in hell. Everything went to sh*t, i got a severe case of candida and bv and was given fluconazol and itraconazol, and pretty severe reaction to those (and it didnt even help.. my doc wanna put me on antibiotic, ah hell no. Im to afraid.) And the burning started up again, but not in my legs or feet, but in my belly. Spreading each day to my whole torso, head, eyes, mouth, throat, ass and at last back to legs and then feet. 

So, the last 2 months since then ive been dealing with ZERO stresstolerance, even the tiniest little thing push me over the edge, shivers in my brain, pretty horrible DP on and off, dizzy spells, being stuck the flu and the burning.. i sometimes take epsom salt baths in relly hot water but sit there freezing and shivering.. (it really scares me when its burning in my throat btw, like breathing acid..), with icecolds spots on my arms, mucles feeling really weak and achy, and for the last week ive been having this pins and needle-feelings all over, like when your feet falls asleep and about to wake up? Thats my whole body! All the time! Warm things feels cold, cold things feel warm. Im flushing all the time. And also a new sympthom is this pain.. aching pain from my nerves, like ive been drinking vodka on empty stoach..(?) Everything hurts. And constant low fever and flu-sympthoms. White noise in my head. Im so tired! Get this buzzing feeling in my eyes of tiredness and "have to sleep now!" even do i slept 9 h and havent really done anything all day. Neuroemotions and panic attacks out of the blue here and there. Im mostly just lyin in beed feeling sick as f*ck and wonder if im gonna live another 5 minutes. Feel like an idiot when a friend wanna hook up and im "still in flu with fever.."

 

And I cant eve describe how i feel during pms with all of this, its like having a psychosis for about 7 days.. 😕

 

My timeline doesnt match anything ive read on here, and I know were all different, but are there anyone who have felt like I do now? This wave is killing me, I dont think i cant handle it anymore, the only thing keeping me alive are all of you ..2 months of this, will it end? 

[Altostrata]

Welcome.

 

I am sorry your'e going through this. It sounds like you might have had a bad reaction from the start, and each drug made it worse. Some people simply do not get along with these drugs. Read  Immediate adverse reactions to SSRIs? How long for recovery?

 

Whether it's Lexapro withdrawal or repeated adverse reactions, the upset of your nervous system is the same, symptoms are the same, and the pattern of recovery is the same: Long, gradual, frustrating. See The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization 

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

 

You did see some typical recovery over the first 4 months, but those strong drugs you took for candida may also have set you back. Your nervous system is probably still hypersensitive to many things, see Post-withdrawal nervous system hypersensitivity or kindling

 

Are you able to get a half-hour of gentle exercise, such as walking, each day? Inactivity may make sympathetic nervous system hypersensitive...  How's your sleep? Exercise and sleep are healing.

 

You may find other topics in Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems to be helpful as well.

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Are you able to tolerate them? Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed name

[bheb]

  

On 4/1/2019 at 4:17 AM, Repent said:

ive been having this pins and needle-feelings all over, like when your feet falls asleep and about to wake up

 

Hey, I've got this feeling. I also had something like an adverse reaction (to an updose after rapid taper). I basically had an all around tough time on my SSRI with that pins-and-needles feeling .. mine is combined with full body tension/agitation/restlessness. 

 

Like alto mentioned, you've definitely seen some recovery but have just been set back with the candida treatment. I know it's tough, but just remember your body bounced back before and it can again. It will just take some time. 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by ChessieCat
changed quote after name change

[Repent]

My god. It feels like I rubbed ghost pepper all over my torso. Flamin hot and red in my face. Anyone know how to make it ease..? Driving me mad all day! 

[Peachy]

I am having something like a "psychosis" during my PMS cycle now. I never really had any mood changes before. But I've been on Lexapro a long-time. Women's PMS usually gets worse with age, but the PMS cycle keeps throwing me back down everytime I get back up... I'm with you. 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed name

[manymoretodays]

Hi!

Here you are!  Go on up a few posts and you'll find the signature link, follow the instructions there to create your signature.

I'd wondered where you went to.  Good to see you back.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed name

[Repent]

On 4/14/2019 at 8:45 AM, Peachy said:

I am having something like a "psychosis" during my PMS cycle now. I never really had any mood changes before. But I've been on Lexapro a long-time. Women's PMS usually gets worse with age, but the PMS cycle keeps throwing me back down everytime I get back up... I'm with you. 

 

Are you still on Lexapro? When do you notice going into "psychosis"? For me it starts two days before ovulation, then i just stay in bed and vibrate, i sweat like carzy in my hands and face (not normal for me) for a few days i stay there, in what i call a severe psychosis, not a le to tell up from down. Then comes some nice dp, buzzing and vertigo, and The flue until period start with the same feeling as in ovulation. Great! 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed name

[Peachy]

Yes, I’m still at 4.5mg. Down from 20. 

Mine has been all over the place. I feel a shift one week before then have mood fluctuations. Then two days before my mood plummets. Then the day of or before I have very bizarre irrational thoughts and paranoid thinking patterns. 

Also have major ocd and can’t stop ruminating. I’m at the point I’m considering ovary removal. Not kidding. It’s been three years, and has only gotten worse for me.  

[Repent]

Some updates 8 months out now. 

Im a big WAVE right now (i think regarding a CT i did recently and had IV contraat liquid triggered it) , have been ill for about 10 days now. Im worried about this flue symptoms i have, and getting a cold this often, palms, body sweat like crazy and head spinning with dizzy. Its like I have zero immunsystem? This worries me alot cause tomorrow ill be starting a new job after being home for 3 years.. And I simply cant work if im having "the flue" twice a month. 

 

Many others says the flue symptoms started to go away after about 4 months off.. Well, for me, its coming in more often as time flies..

[Repent]

9 months out.

 

Hey! So ive just passed the 9 month mark.. and things have changed a lot. After month 5 to month 8 my left arm became numb, i had electic jolts moving from my chest down my arms wich got pretty severe whenever i had a stressful moment - it was like having an electro chock given to me and my arm went ice cold, "cold water running down my back" feeling, hands buzzing, and extreme joint pain. I also couldnt feel the difference between hot and cold water on my skin. This did scare me so much i ended up seing a neurologist 2 weeks ago, for an EMG neurography, it came out all good. And a MR of brain and neck, this i havent got answer from yet. But what i do know is that i got hit back with many sympthoms after being injected with contrast fluid. 

 

All that above have been getting better in the past 2 months, gone from being 10 on a scale down to 2 now.

 

The flu-feeling that started month 3 (after i did take fluconazol/diflucan and exeperimenting with progesteronecream) are still here, sinusissues and sensitive to colds and infections on and off from each day.

 

I got hit by a wave a month ago tho and still in it, and the contrast fluid didnt really help while in it. This wave going on now sends me back to what ive felt in month 1. Vertigo, feeling of being pushed and pulled, dizzyness that wont leave me even for a sec. With head buzzing most of the time, like brain zaps but its longer than seconds going for hours.. its like zaaaapzaaapzaaaap. Pretty severe anhedonia, depression, DP, agoraphobia, pots, breathlessness, feelings of faint, excess sweating, and zero stresstolerance. So i can see that even if my psysicall symthoms were worse in month 5-8 i didnt really suffer from ,like, agoraphobia, now i can barely walk in a shop, or even find myself standing by my front door with my hand on it shaking in fear of going out. Its like my wd now has switched place from being mostly out in my body to more from my head.

 

Cant wait for this wave to end because this is the worst one yet.  

 

 

[Repent]

18 months out now. 

 

Soo.. Ive been really lazy regarding updates. Or lazy. Nah. Too sick to handle it. 

 

I go thru several different withdrawals right now so its really hard to tell what is what. Its the ssris and benzos i took 18 months ago, and then theres progesterone-cream 12 months ago and then theres plan-B i took 10 months ago. 

 

Even tho coming of ads was a nightmare, and still is, i would say that taking plan-b in the middle of wd was even worse and it triggered a whole new me. In a bad way. Sinusissues all the time. Whats up with that? I know many of us feel flu-like but i also feel a bad over all body virus blooming out, everyday. And I have so much pain.. Sooo much pain. And several other severe sympthoms but the worst are - My lungs hurt. So bad. Muscles, nervepain, pain from my bones, pain in my legs, stabbing pain in my ear and so on.

 

And. Maybe its cfs, maybe its wd but either way some days i can barely move without getting sharp inner-body-pains, burning inside out and fever. The flu-like never leave me. The organic fear never leave me. Oh lord. Did i trigger cfs? Is this life now? Im so scared. Im so far out. The good days i can take a little walk maybe and not feel like dying afterwards, but even if its a good day i crash afterwards and spend rest of my day in bed. 

 

Do i have lupus? Do i suffer from some rare african worm? Haha. I cant even. I went to the doc to get tested for ana, since if its some autoimmune there are some things i can do, and get proper help, but no, according to them all my sympthoms are just in my head. So maybe i have a drug-induced lupus for example, but i cant tell cause they see in my journal i took ssri for anxiety 18 months ago.. So that means i have bad anxiety now, and yeah.. its all in my head. Like the doc told me two days ago "Sometimes anxiety can trick you, but i cant help you, maybe try ssri again?" 

 

No thank you. 

 

[Repent]

20 months out.

 

To remind myself on those awful days that may come - yesterday was amazing! I slept nearly 8h straight. Woke up feeling ok. I had a window all day long. I went to work wich wasnt about survival all the time there, i actually had some fun with my coworkers, then I got home, prepared myself for the flufeeling, inner-pain, fevers and DR, but it didnt come. Instead i just rested a bit, saw the sun shinig outside and went out for some shopping, eating and just enjoying the sun. I felt like me. It was heaven! 

 

I introduced CBD a month ago as well (it really helps me sleep) i did try it like a year ago but got major DR from it. It was  0,2% THC in it but i sure felt it. This one i take now is 5% broadspectrum cbd and 0 thc. I take two drops every night wich is 5mg. More makes me tired in the morning. Whatever float your boat.

 

Ive stopped taking any  other supplements since almost 2 months ago, i feel better without any since i do suffer from benzo wd as well as the other WDs i should stay away from everything that affects gaba, some tolerate it - i dont. Like magnesium, zink and so. I thought it helped and took it for over 2 years, it didnt. 

 

My symthoms seems to change a lot according to my hormones, no surprise really but its so obvious now when i keep a close track on my every day sympthoms, and can see the patterns every month (i recommend this, keeping a close journal so you can see your progress) how i slept, ate, what i did during the day, symthoms morning and evening, and so on. I see that 2 weeks are manageble and 2 are awful each month, and in those 2 better weeks i get some windows like above. This pattern have been going for the last 2 months since my last update. Before that it was pure agony everyday, all month so.. i see a little light in the tunnel. 

 

One of my constant worse sympthoms before was dizzyspells, Vertigo, swaying  and push and pull-feeling. It all stopped being constant. I may feel it maybe twice a week tops now. 

 

Sympthoms i have now, in no special order are stabbing pains here and there, colds and sinusissues, lungpain, low grade fever, flufeeling, inner body pain, chills, attacks of sweating, burning inside out, brainfog, buzzing bees in my whole body (akathisia is prob the right word for it but it sure feels like buzzing-organic-panic-bees driving me nuts with no letup.) fear of small weird things like just get up from the sofa in case i die.. I hope to cut down this list for my next update!

 

[Repent]

21 months out. 

 

It still amaze me how new things can emerge this far out and make a mess out of me.. Like headrushes, and bodyrushes. Thats new. Like my blood going in tsunamis inside and I feel like im gonna collapse. 

 

I fight everyday, with all my will and wishes to make it another day. Last month i had it so bad with pain in my lungs, hard to breathe - and I thought - this is pure hell. But now that its over  and a more severe form of inner akathisia rises. Ive had it for many months on end. But now, its.. Its.. I cant focus, cant do anything really, nothing is comfy, i lay down and just trying to make it another hour. This inner akathisia, the inner-buzzing, the inner pain, and inner tension like im gonna stretch out and snap in every cell going on 24/7. This is hell. And I cant find anything that helps really. I stretch out my limbs, i twist and turn to make it stop. It almost feels like tickle inside. Anyone got this and know something that helps? 

 

Somedays i get windows in the morning, other days at night. But my windows doesnt mean i feel good, just not as bad. I can litterally feel when a wave is coming in on me, it turns in seconds.. I get more buzzing, alien-panic (its severe derealisation) and flue/fever. 

 

I still take cbd at night, and I fall asleep really fast, low dosing on 5mg, i tried 7,5mg but got pretty bad brain fog and derealisation. Since ive had insomnia for so long, thats a keeper, for now

 

My go-to is pugs story here, its so alike mine and I keep it close to my heart. 

[Repent]

23 months out. 

 

So, its been 2 months since my last update. 

 

I still suffer pretty bad, mostly 24/7 from akathisia.. and some days its all day and some days its coming in like really awful attacks and I feel like im going insane for a moment or two. Thats the only time i have dr btw. Otherwise dr is rare nowadays unless im tired. 

 

Inner tension like im gonna stretch out and snap and/or implode right then and there. Awful feeling.

Pain.. Nonstop pain, in muscles, moving around, joints and innerbodypain from my bones. Like fibro. Or it is fibro. Who knows really. It feels like burning up from the inside.

 

My immunesystem still sucks, i wake up with virusfeeling everyday. Teary eyes, sinusissues, candida and such. 

 

Some improvements tho, i dont feel feverish every day! The fluefeeling comes and goes but not all day everyday. Pots only comes a few days a week, dizzyness is also rare and I havent had a panic attack in a month. Still ongoing anxiety, tho chemical. 

 

Still taking cbd, 7,5mg at night. Also added vitamin D 1000ie and omega 3 a few days ago, i know my body needs them so im trying it out. 

 

See you next updates guys! Stay strong! 

[Repent]

24 months out. 

 

2 years. Two years? Those years feels like a second when i look back, cause i feel like I havent really done anything in those years. On the other hand they feel like a decade, all the torture. 

 

Im getting really sick of all these infections everyday.. Always a cold, sinusissues, mucus, candida, breathing issues, toothdecays. Is this even related to wd at all im thinking? But thats what im thinking bout all my symptoms tho. 

 

I have some Windows, i would say, almost everyday, except for the longer strong waves that lasts a week or so.. The windows are for maybe an hour or two when my symptoms reduce to 50%. Like yesterday, i woke up, feeling crap, stiff, pain in joints and muscles, sinus, dead head.. Like everyday. But then later on, i was doing okay for a few hours - and then i blinked and got slammed with buzzing brain-feeling, electric feeling thru my body and my sinus got tight up, i shivered a lot. Just like a severe cold sneaking up on you but it all happens in a few seconds. How even? I just thought "Oh no, this gonna suck, have to lay down NOW" Told my boss i have to head home, and so i did.. Shaking i walked slowly home, crying in despair from akathisia, shiver, overall pain inside out and a buzzing-brain. I got home, jumped in bed and been layin here for 24h in so much pain. 

 

When i walked home yesterday i got to thinking that this is really all the exercise i get from time to time, a slow walk here and there and even that makes me feel really sick, dizzy, burning and feverish. I surely envy those who get to work out in their journey from meds. 

 

On and of thru the days i get so tired, not the usual "im really tired all the time" but sleepy as f*ck and it comes on in a matter of seconds. Red teary sore eyes, intense feeling of "i have to sleep asap or else i die" thats so scary. 

 

Oh. And Ive been seing a new doc. She wants to diagnose me with cfs/fibro, all good that gives me is to have something on paper and something to show if i need more medial leave since nobody ive seen - nobody - belives i suffer from any reaction to meds and progesterone. 

 

 

Not really a cheer-up-post, but if ive made it 2 years i can make it one day more! 

 

[ChessieCat]

Congratulations.

 

  

On 9/2/2020 at 4:38 AM, Repent said:

I have some Windows, i would say, almost everyday, except for the longer strong waves that lasts a week or so.. The windows are for maybe an hour or two when my symptoms reduce to 50%. Like yesterday, i woke up, feeling crap, stiff, pain in joints and muscles, sinus, dead head.. Like everyday. But then later on, i was doing okay for a few hours

 

This is good to hear.  Might not be as often and as good as you would like but it's a positive sign.

Edited November 3, 2020 by ChessieCat
changed quote after name change

[Repent]

7 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Congratulations.

 

This is good to hear.  Might not be as often and as good as you would like but it's a positive sign.

 

Thanks chessie! Ive noticed tho i have my windows when im focusing on something else.. Like a task, cooking for example. Hard to tell if its a window or just attention-shifting. Either way its nice to have some releif

[Repent]

25 months out.

 

Hi guys.

 

So, I don't wanna jinx it - but I would say im about 50% healed now. Things change every week now. Me being bed bound is cut down to maybe 2 days a week, and that is mostly the weekends, if I've been working and/or doing too much prior to it. So that's awesome, I think its a combination of me having a job I now love and a bit of pushing myself that makes it easier to go thru the waves and stay out of the bed for longer periods of time. I used to be on sick-leave up until recently, the psychological downside of that was that staying home was - although needed since my body was a wreck - also making it worse for my will to move on and keep faith. 

 

I also, recently won a ridiculous amount of money, type of numbers that Id only seen in like movies maybe. I kept screaming in joy for days! I still can't believe this happened to me. But I thank the universe. So, with this I payed off all my debts, started therapy, taking courses and lthings like I bought myself a computer I've been longing for for so long. I used to freelance as a photographer prior to all of this, and now im able to take that up again in small steps. And I now don't have to worry about my economy anymore that caused a lot of stress before. 

 

I don't have 24/7 akathisia anymore, it comes and goes for some hours or low-grade for a couple of days. Then off for days. And on again. My immune system is still pretty low, I get colds and infections maybe once a week, but way better than it being every day. I have low-grade anxiety all the time but most of my panic state in the mornings are gone. The awful terror some of us have, and severe panic visits me maybe some days a month, and couple of times a month I get this weird days when I have it all - feeling dead, akathisia 200%, weird feelings all over my skin, like cold water running down my back and legs, terror, manic, floating head, shallow feeling, and when I lay in beed trying to sleep I gasp for air and feeling like im already dead. Those days I don't move. I just lay and wait. DR/DP mostly gone. Inner tension and inner pain is in low-grade or comes in really strong once a week. Flue-like I would say is the one most persistent, some days I have it in a low grade all day, some days its down to 20%, some days I only get it after I've done too much. Burning sensation all over is down to 50% too. Stabbing pains rarely comes. Ive also noticed symptoms getting worse every time after I eat. I don't know why. 

 

So, again, I don't wanna jinx anything. But this is really going in the right direction! 

[Repent]

2 hours ago, Repent said:

25 months out.

 

Hi guys.

 

So, I don't wanna jinx it - but I would say im about 50% healed now. Things change every week now. Me being bed bound is cut down to maybe 2 days a week, and that is mostly the weekends, if I've been working and/or doing too much prior to it. So that's awesome, I think its a combination of me having a job I now love and a bit of pushing myself that makes it easier to go thru the waves and stay out of the bed for longer periods of time. I used to be on sick-leave up until recently, the psychological downside of that was that staying home was - although needed since my body was a wreck - also making it worse for my will to move on and keep faith. 

 

I also, recently won a ridiculous amount of money, type of numbers that Id only seen in like movies maybe. I kept screaming in joy for days! I still can't believe this happened to me. But I thank the universe. So, with this I payed off all my debts, started therapy, taking courses and lthings like I bought myself a computer I've been longing for for so long. I used to freelance as a photographer prior to all of this, and now im able to take that up again in small steps. And I now don't have to worry about my economy anymore that caused a lot of stress before. 

 

I don't have 24/7 akathisia anymore, it comes and goes for some hours or low-grade for a couple of days. Then off for days. And on again. My immune system is still pretty low, I get colds and infections maybe once a week, but way better than it being every day. I have low-grade anxiety all the time but most of my panic state in the mornings are gone. The awful terror some of us have, and severe panic visits me maybe some days a month, and couple of times a month I get this weird days when I have it all - feeling dead, akathisia 200%, weird feelings all over my skin, like cold water running down my back and legs, terror, manic, floating head, shallow feeling, and when I lay in beed trying to sleep I gasp for air and feeling like im already dead. Those days I don't move. I just lay and wait. DR/DP mostly gone. Inner tension and inner pain is in low-grade or comes in really strong once a week. Flue-like I would say is the one most persistent, some days I have it in a low grade all day, some days its down to 20%, some days I only get it after I've done too much. Burning sensation all over is down to 50% too. Stabbing pains rarely comes. Ive also noticed symptoms getting worse every time after I eat. I don't know why. 

 

So, again, I don't wanna jinx anything. But this is really going in the right direction! 

 

Edit. It is 26 months out. Not 25. Wrong number

[Repent]

27 months out. 

 

So things changing fast here, its really the last 2-3 months that I have noticed fast recovery. I would say I feel about 75% healed now most of the time - im so damn happy for the things im able to do now. Ive started up my own business with a friend with buffert mentioned in my last post, and im now working almost full time as a life coach and motivator, which I love! It has been my dream for soo long. im picking up my hobby as a photographer and im also not dead every day after work anymore  so im doing other stuff like spending time dancing, singing, taking online courses, and got my nose deep down in like.. quantum physics, as we speak. I love to expand my conciousness. 

 

I know im gonna write a full success story soon. I feel it. But for now, im so grateful. Im stubborn as hell in most things in life when it comes to fighting for things I want and love. I never give up. It was also because of my boyfriend, the love of my life who stood by my side, who really believed in me those times I didn't, who told me that he never seen anyone as strong as me, I took it to heart and wanted to prove myself with what I knew deep inside but forgot along the way. Even tho it took a toll on us, everything happens for a good reason and you walk out with knowledge and love you didn't have before. I feel like this journey have opened my eyes, soul and heart for everything. Im walking as a new person and my heart is longing for all things in life now that ive been daydreaming about doin and being. And for that, im so grateful.  

 

Take care!  / Repent

 

 

 

 

Edited December 5, 2020 by ChessieCat
changed name at bottom

[ChessieCat]

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[almuPA]

Hello Repent,

I've read your whole story and I cant express with words how happy I am for you.

Thank you for all the updates, It really help to understand your jorney and see your progression. It means the world to those of us who are still in the process of getting better.

Can I ask you if you were working during your whole WD period?

Thanks again.

[Repent]

39 minutes ago, almuPA said:

Hello Repent,

I've read your whole story and I cant express with words how happy I am for you.

Thank you for all the updates, It really help to understand your jorney and see your progression. It means the world to those of us who are still in the process of getting better.

Can I ask you if you were working during your whole WD period?

Thanks again.

 

Hey almuPa! 

 

Thank you! I was dwelling in successtories myself for the first 18 months.. so I know how much it can help. I was on sickleave the first year in wd since the terror was unbeareble, i was mostly on the floor, screaming feeling my soul leaving me. I had to go back to work after that year home, i forced myself, i had no choice. I was so sick by the time i had to go back, the constant fluefeeling kicked in by that time. Everyday i thought was my last. Slowly, slowly getting better. So slow i didnt see it myself.  I kept journaling everyday in my phone, my sympthoms, just a couple of lines, like "Day 1, akathisia, flue, stabbing pain. Day 2, cold, insomnia, anxiety. Day 3, window, inner pain" and so on, so the list is rally long now  But it helped me see the progress. I still do since my journey isnt over yet but so much better. 

[Krisseyb]

On 12/5/2020 at 11:50 AM, Repent said:

everything happens for a good reason and you walk out with knowledge and love you didn't have before. I feel like this journey have opened my eyes, soul and heart for everything. Im walking as a new person and my heart is longing for all things in life now that ive been daydreaming about doin and being. And for that, im so grateful.  

@Repent I totally agree with this!!! Through my journey of being on antidepressants I have felt a new love for life and the small things I never noticed before. I will be starting my taper after Christmas.....so I also long for the days to be totally myself again!
 

[Iamfine]

You mentioned you returned to photography? That is huge. I was on lex for more years than I care to remember. I am also a photographer, and for me at least once I returned I knew the end of my suffering was near. Yes, you’ll be fine now congratulations.

[arbor]

Hi @Repent  How are you doing?

Sending you best wishes,

Arbor

[willieverheal]

I hope you are doing well! Just wanted to say that I have similar feelings with my aka. Inner tickle, pain like fibro, nerve pains. I have this pretty bad after a setback. I hope I will heal too!