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Neuro loneliness

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I suffer from bone crushing loneliness. My husband is not the warm fuzzy type either. I am often alone with hardly anyone except cashiers, waitresses, etc. to talk to. My husband just wants to lecture me on letting my mind run away when I want to talk and share my feelings.

I am surviving on talk therapy as my social life. 

Any thoughts or encouragement?

Is this Neuro loneliness? 

Is there such a thing?

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On the other hand, I guess anyone would be lonely in my situation😪

I have been so miserable for so many months.

Maybe I should reinstate even though it has been about 11 months. 

So much going on. House destroyed in Harvey, living w husband and boys in a cheesy 12x36 building.

Have to go outside in the cold/rain to do #2.

dismal weather, longest winter in memory  when I have s.a.d.

empty nest syndrome....

 

 

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needhelpguy

Hang in there Tweet, how about joining volunteer corps? It can make you evaluate life in positive way

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India

We all share a collective loneliness here. 

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Stormstrong

bone crushing loneliness, yes.....

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thecowisback

no wonder you're struggling tweet after what you've been through and battling withdrawals on top! it's hard not being able to share our feelings with loved ones. they can't understand what withdrawals are like unless they've been there themselves. come on here and vent as we all know how it feels. i hope you find a permanent home soon xxxx

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Thanks so much for the words of comfort, all!

My emotions are so unreliable right now.

Some days I'm fine with husband, living situation, etc. Other days I feel like my house is a prison and my husband is the evil jailkeeper. I hate his looks, his sounds, his presence, I don't feel love or trust, and feel so smothered and anxious and alone,  I think I'm going to have a heart attack. I just want OUT 😭!! Then boom the next day or hour I'm like what is the big deal about living situation, I love my husband and feel bad for all those ugly thoughts about him and bad feelings, the sun and butterflies come out again, and I am like who was that person?? So scary.!! Is that withdrawal or am I truly losing my mind???

Does anyone else do that???

Am I NUTS??

Split personality?

Or paws???

Neuro emoting?

 

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thecowisback

paws. i was happy in my life before all this started. now i hate where i live, hate everything about my home and area. i can't be bothered with my house - cleaning and diy have just gone by the board for the last couple of years. i do what's necessary and no more.the whole house needs decorating but i can't do it and don't want to do it as i'm convinced i'm not staying here, even though i have nowhere else to go and was perfectly happy with my home before all this. it's completely crazy and makes no sense whatsoever.

i guess my feelings about my home are like those for your husband. we know it doesn't make sense and will hopefully all go back to normal when this crap is over and done with 🙏🙏🙏

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Definitely 🙏🙏🙏

Yes! I used to love diy for my home, even this Lil cabin! I had no problem with it before withdrawal. I was like, it's a fun challenge to get by in this tiny house!

Now it is a grim and scary place and it feels dark and oppressive most of the time. No desire to clean, fix up. Just a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I return to it. Very weird!

And the loneliness consumes me even when my sons and husband are home with me too. So crazy. 

I have thought, maybe the house thing is because such suffering has taken place there. Kind of a paws PTSD reaction?

 

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thecowisback

could be. i can't get my head round it. before this is something needed doing i'd just get the drill or hammer and nails out and fix it. now i'm terrified to tackle anything as i'm convinced the job will go badly wrong. i have no idea how i ever put up shelves or decorated before all this happened as the thought of doing these things now fill me with horror.

my family get sick of me moaning about how much i hate this house and nagging them to move. they day i'll still have the same thoughts in my head wherever i move to and i know they're right because i loved my home before all this started.

i'm sorry you're going through the same thing 😧 none of it makes any sense at all 😭

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Tweet

That's what my husband says too! And he is right, and I know he is! I can't be happy living anywhere and when I think about that my anxiety skyrockets! Anyway I feel better knowing it is probably paws and that you know what I am taking about.😊

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thecowisback

💙

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Adili13

My girlfriend of almost 3 years left me a few months ago. That combined with withdrawal has given me the most profound loneliness I’ve ever experienced. Sometimes, when I’m with friends, I’ll just put my arm on them or something to feel less alone. They’re ok with it and know it serves a purpose. 

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So sorry to hear about your having a break-up during withdrawal. 

It is good that your friends are understanding. 

A new life awaits you on the other side of your suffering and loneliness.

I personally can feel intensely lonely even in my husband’s arms.

Like so many other horrific symptoms it makes no sense at all.

But it will probably fade and then disappear with time like all the others. 

 

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Adili13

Thanks tweet! I couldn’t agree more. I think your feelings will come back for your husband. That kind of numbness is so common both on the drugs and in withdrawal. Pretty much every story I’ve read says it goes away with time. Patience for all of us :)

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Tweet

Yes, patience. 

Sure could use some neuro-patience right now lol.

So glad to hear that encouragement about the feelings.

Thank you!🙂

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powerback

Hi @tweet I read your post about your "meltdown".my own thoughts never leave me alone but im getting better very slowly at not reacting ,its so hard what happens to us.you need to work on the guilt and shame part  in this.we get so hard on ourselves because we are living with an invisible condition .maybe educate your family so they can understand whats going on .because we are constantly worrying how we affect our loved ones.

Anxiety is a big thing here .maybe it be good to plan out your days so as you have no surprises ,I used to enjoy cooking ,these days its a chore .if someone else is in the kitchen it distracts me so when im bad I do my cooking around everyone else's .

Maybe sandwiches made the night before to have ready ,its all about relieving pressure on yourself and lets not forget you have 2 sons also ,maybe its time to give yourself credit .[I find this hard to find myself a lot].

Take care.

 

Sorry I thought this was your thread. 

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Raindrop

4/27/19

Loneliness and anger in withdrawal:

I isolate myself from family because I don't want them to know how depressed and negative  and intolerant I really am.  I tried to tell them about withdrawal, but they do not understand.  They do not want to hear anything negative.  So, this forum is the only place I have to talk about withdrawal.  I have become this angry, short-tempered person because of paxil.  I am depressed.  I went back on paxil at 5 mg and it's not doing any good.  I'm scared.  It's hard to feel the warmth of sunshine, the birds singing and seeing the beautiful flowers this spring.  The paxil numbs my feel good feelings for everything and only leaves hatred and bitterness.  I constantly worry about how I affect my loved ones, so I isolate and in doing so, I know I'm ruining my relationships with my loved ones.   I tell them it's not them, it's the withdrawal, but they do not understand.  Some of them trigger me and I have to stay away from them.  They want me to "just get over it."  

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Thanks, Powerback. Glad to know I am not the only one. I am like that in the kitchen, too. 

I do need to work on the guilt and shame. For me the hardest person to forgive is myself, and especially

for the past year I am far from perfect. Hope your day is good, and again, thanks. 

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Raindrop

April 28,2019

Only by the grace of God I am here today.  I ruined by relationship with my adult son whom I love.  We have always had a good relationship.  I got angry and intolerant of his family issues concerning me.  I can't be around his family as they trigger my rage.  My gut hurts and I cry deep inside.  I hate this life.  How did I get here?  I wasn't like this before.  What happened to the love I once had for others.  How does a person go on from here.  I feel like I'm in my own hell that I made for myself and feel very stuck.  I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me.  I'm expressing this so that anyone who comes off paxil and goes back on it is aware of the severe depression that they may get every day. 

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Raindrop, I have been where you are.

The deep pain in my middle depths because I could never cry hard enough to express my suffering. It got better for me. And I lived through it. You will too.

You will most likely be ok by your son at some point. But don't give up!

This is a no holds barred fight for our souls. 

 

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ShiningLight

I was drawn to this thread because I am incredibly lonely tonight! Nothing unusual is going on...I just have this deep unsatisfied feeling inside. Feeling lonely and sad.

 

Granted, I am alone! I live alone and no family in the area. Friends have become distant since I've been going through this. Heck they were already distant...I had a loose web of social support anyway due to apathy all these drugged years. My two closest friends live 2 hours away and I only see them a few times a year.

 

A new-ish friend called me tonight and talked incessantly about herself; when I reached out to her a few weeks ago, she was too busy to talk. It made me angry. I give away my listening for free too much.

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Drive 2 hours and go see your friends. 

It will offer a diversion from your suffering. I  actually do that. But I don't mention what I am going through.

I sort of make a schedule and visit each once a month. Not too often so you don't impose. Gives me something to look forward to. 

You might also want to look into garden clubs, bird watching, art lessons, volunteer work. 

If you are having a bad day you can duck out and no one really notices. 

😉

 

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ShiningLight

That's a good idea to do it on schedule, Tweet. I have physical pain that interferes with my driving that far but I will think about it.

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Raindrop

April 29,2019

Tweet, thank you for your message.  It's comforting to hear it. 

 

I agree that there is a "no hold barred fight" for our souls , by the grace of God. 

 

It's been almost 1 month since I reinstated the 5 mg paxil.  

I do not think the paxil is helping to lesson my withdrawal symptoms of severe depression, RLS, irritation, etc.  My reactions are extreme.

From reading some of the other posts, I think I get sugar lows during the night, possibly adding to my depression in the morning. 

 

I like your idea of a schedule and activities.  I do feel better when I get out of the house and walk or whatever.  

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Raindrop

May 8, 2019

 

 I was on Paxil for 30 years!  I started tapering 20 mg Paxil in Oct 2018.  March 19, 2019, I went off Paxil completely.  The withdrawal was SO SEVERE (ideation) I couldn't stand it, so I reinstated at 5 mg Paxil on April 6, 2019.  I've had bad withdrawal symptoms since and I upped the paxil dose to 7.5 mg on  4/29/19.  Yesterday and today I'm doing a little better.   My symptoms: depression, anger, irritability, negativity, some cognitive issues, fog, RLS, neuropathy in legs and fatigue and headache.

 

If I were to reinstate Paxil again, I would NOT start with 5 mg Paxil as it's way to much.  I thought it was a low enough dose, but I was wrong.  My symptoms were severe!  I would start at maybe 2.5 mg. and after 4 days if I was having severe symptoms , I'd cut back the dose even more at that time instead of waiting to see if it helps with the symptoms. 

 

The 7.5 mg doesn't help much, but I think it keeps me off "the edge."  

 

 

 

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Sorry about your struggles lately. 

Sadly, I don't know anything about reinstatement as I have passed the window of opportunity for that. 

I do know that there are alot of people here who have found relief from it.

Just want you to know that I care.❤️

 

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