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Hi all, I joined this site several weeks back, tried to create a forum but my internet went out while I was doing so, I don't think it went through, so if this is a repost or posted in the wrong area, I'm sorry. Anyway, long story short, I'm female and close to turning twenty two, I originally started sertraline  around 15-16 years old for anxiety, (generalized, panic attacks, and social) and depression.

 

I started at a lower dose but after several years made my way up to 200mg, stayed on it for another several years, and at the age of 21 finally managed to come off them completely after many attempts that failed due to withdrawal. 

 

Fast forward to the end/beginning of this year after being off them for around eight months, my suicidal ideation got severe again, and fearing the worst, I jump shipped and started sertraline again because I was afraid of what I may do. After about 2 months on them again at 50mg, I tapered off over about a week and a half because they were giving me brain zaps, reduced sexual function, brain fog, etc, and I realized why I quit in the first place.

 

Now I'm here two months later wondering if I've ruined myself for doing so. I've had a lot of emotional blunting and anhedonia, but the thing that I do not understand is that I am quick to irritability and anger, but nothing else. I can get sad at times, I have cried a few times which I couldn't manage on the short time I went back on the pills, but I used to have full on meltdowns, which I know isn't ideal, but at least it was something.

 

I am an emotional person, and living in this fog and anhedonia is very concerning to me. I had issues with it before on the pills and even the short time off, but not to this extent. I've been trying to be positive, but I'm about two months in and I'm just tired of living through this window, if that makes sense. It's frustrating because sometimes I can feel this literal switch in my body, that is so close to clicking everything back together, but it doesn't. Other times I don't feel a switch at all. I've had more depersonalization episodes which I haven't had before. I always had a bit of dissociation, but the episodes have definitely been worse. I guess I just don't understand why after years of high dosages, constantly going on and off, I could quit fine and return to normal functioning within two months, where as now after a smaller dosage and shorter period, I'm doing way worse two months in now.

 

Sorry if this is too detailed, but I want to be as clear as possible for any other women going through the same thing and to document my personal experience. I also am able to orgasm, but not the way I used to be able to. The short time on the pills I had near 0 interest and orgasm was hard, so while it is good I can do this again, it isn't the same rush as before, and it isn't nearly as pleasurable due to genital numbness.

 

That has gotten better somewhat, I am able to tell if I am touching myself down there and feel the temperature of things, but the pleasure that was there before and the warm feeling is still not back. A little over a month off, I had a couple random times I became wet down there, and would feel more of a throbbing feeling I had before the pills, to elaborate on that I guess aside from the obvious sensation, it was a desire of, holy ****, I need it now! I don't have that anymore, yet again. With enough concentration and thinking about sex enough, I can get somewhat of a desire, but not much. I thought I was getting better a month ago due to the random lubrication and able to feel temperatures again, along with maybe 10-15% of original feeling coming back, but the past month nothing else has changed, and I haven't randomly gotten wet down there or had much of a throbbing sensation since two or three episodes.

 

I guess my question is, what is your experience with withdrawals from anti-depressants? For those of you who have recovered, did it come back at once, or was it a more gradual thing? From my brief time on this site it seems most swing back and forth like a pendulum, getting better than not, then eventually after weeks or months of going back and forth one stone is then officially planted, only to have to fight the next ten ahead, whether it be the fight with emotions or sexual dysfunction. While I certainly would love to hear from everyone, as I have scrolled through many forums on this site, if there are any females my age, I would love to hear your responses in particular just to know there are others like me going through the same thing, and it would help me understand maybe more of what to look for in terms of recovery, though I acknowledge everyone isn't the same. It's just very disheartening being this young and having to worry about this. It sucks, but I have read many success stories and I am trying to stay positive, especially since I have had some recovery, even if it is marginal. 

Edited by Altostrata
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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Ipap0: introduction
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Welcome, Ipap.

 

I am sorry you've had this reaction to sertraline. It sounds like after being on it for a very long time and going on and off it again, you have low-grade post-acute withdrawal syndrome.

 

That emotional and sexual anesthesia are quite common after going off drugs. We generally see people very gradually recover from this, with The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization , meaning sometimes feeling better and sometimes worse, which can be very frustrating.

 

In the meantime, the best thing you can do is eat healthily and take care of yourself. Be sure to get at least a half-hour of gentle exercise, such as walking, every day. How is your sleep?

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Please let us know how you're doing.

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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Thank you Alto, I started taking some multi-omega gummies which contain a small amount of fish oil a few days ago and I have noticed some improvement. My sleep is okay, I take some Zzzquil most nights. Last night I had a bit of difficulty falling asleep, I have noticed some emotions returning and it has left me in sort of a high state, 'wired', or buzz since I'm not used to it, if that makes sense. It comes and goes, but the fact it is there at all even if only 30% is keeping me hopeful. 

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Just an update, I'm probably going to start journaling as well to track my symptoms. Today has been very weird. It's the most I've fluctuated since I've been off for a little over two months. I felt better the past 2 going on three days, hovering around 50% of my usual feelings and emotions, then more of the depersonalization and disconnect happened again while at work. I've gone from as numb as I was coming off to feeling very upset, suicidal, in between numb and feeling, to a bit manic over the course of hours.

 

Last night, around 60-70% of my genital feelings came back, orgasms also at around 60ish percent, then tonight when I got home it was difficult to orgasm at all and genital feelings wasn't as strong. I only did it two nights in a row because I figured since it was feeling better last night might as well enjoy it while I can, lol.

 

This whole process is very weird. Something I have noticed over the past week I wanted to ask you about if you knew, since I haven't had much luck finding an answer anywhere else, is that about a week ago or so my sensations of itching came back. I hadn't noticed since I've been off that I hadn't really had any itches, but lately the sensations have come back, granted I haven't had one like before SSRI's where you get one and you can't control it and have to itch it now, but some have been around 80% of that. I've also been getting goosebumps way more, which I also haven't had since starting/stopping the medication. I was wondering what the cause for these may be? 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
11 hours ago, Ipap0 said:

Hi all. I've posted here once before but long story short I was on Zoloft for about 5 years starting at age 16, gradually upped dosage until I had the poop out effect and got off at 21. Reinstated the beginning of this year due to symtoms getting very bad out of nowhere, which after this site I realize was probably the weird waves that hits around 8-12 months out, was 8 for me.

 

Anyway, took Zoloft again on 50mg for 2 months, after feeling better and not suicidal again and fed up with side effects (emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, etc) I quit again over the period of about two weeks. I didn't start having bad withdrawals until about two or so weeks out, which was severe anhedonia, depersonalizatuon/derealization. I went three weeks through no changes emotionally, nothing brought pleasure, couldn't cry, genital anesthesia, had a two day window, where i was maybe 50% again, then went back to a wave, and last week I had a window lasting around the whole week.

 

I'm currently in a wave again, I'm about one week out from my three month mark. 

 

 

I'm confused about Windows and what classifies as one, during all this I have never felt myself, but had periods of less symptoms. During my window I could get slightly embarrssed again, felt some periods of motivation, could cry (though not much, but had several periods of hot tears and then sometimes a bit more than that, but never full out crying) and didn't feel as disconnected from the world as usual, could put more thought into conversation, could think about relationships some, had partial return of genital feeling and orgasm intensity (maybe 60%) etc. Does that count as a window ? Do people going through Windows eventually hit one where they feel 100%, or even just 90% themself ? This wave has been weird, it started Sunday. It hasn't been as relentless up until today, it wasn't as severe, even during it I have periods it lessens by about maybe 10-20%, but not feeling as good as last week window.

 

Also, do you find periods cause a wave ? I noticed the wave hit and got worse when my period began. Lastly, why would the first time getting off Zoloft will the symptoms would resolve within 3 weeks, after being on a higher dosage longer, and now I have much more severe effects after a much shorter period and dosage. I was very reckless the first time on them, I was a teenage kid with tons of anxiety and no will to live really. Abused alcohol, skipped doses regularly, did psychedelics, etc. I guess I got lucky. I wish I had never reinstated but it is too late now. If anyone could answer any of these Id be super grateful, thank you. 

 

Also, thank you alto for this site. It's been helping immensely knowing I'm not alone.

 

I've moved your post, quoted above, to this topic:  the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization

 

-pms-pmdd-and-menstrual-cycle-issues-during-withdrawal-and-after

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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