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Onmyway: I want this to stop


Onmyway

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Hello, just caught up on your posts and wanted you to send you good wishes onmyway!

 

Hope you are starting to feel better now.


Oct 2018 - Mar 2019  citalopram 20 mg

Mar - 12th Apr 2019 - Failed attempt at tapering down. Skipped a lot of doses, alternating days of 10 mg and 20 mg.

12th April - 1st June - Nothing.

1st June 2019 - Reinstated 10 mg.

3rd June 2021- 8mg biovailable citalopram in oral drop form (equal to 10mg in pill form)

 

2019: The WD symptoms that have bothered me the most have been physical: shivers, hot flashes, swollen lymph nodes, flu-like symptoms, fatigue, dry eyes and mouth, sore throat, sore tummy, unconscous jaw clenching, POTS (undiagnosed by a professional for now), brain fog, difficulty concentrating, sleeping too much, sleeping too little.

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@Onmyway, how are you doing?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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On 5/24/2021 at 9:08 PM, arbor said:

Dear @Onmyway--Oh, I am so sorry you're having all of this at once.  My goodness, no wonder you feel as if you've been run by a car.  It is so fortunate that you have such an awareness of how these issues might conspire to cause overwhelming depression and anxiety.  Please allow me to send you confidence that you may not be able to feel right now that these terrible feelings and sensations will improve, will lift, will pass.  I have just come out of a darkness that I wasn't sure would ever end, but this morning I'm feeling somewhat better.  I know that you will get better.  However, in the depths of such a challenge, it is so very, very, very hard.  I send you hugs and best wishes, and will be holding you in my heart.    I look forward to hearing how you're doing.  Arbor

 

Dear Arbor, 

it's been now two months before I got to reply but I did read your message at the time and it felt like a warm hug. Thank you! I have always been a 'striver' so it is hard to be gentle towards myself and such nice words shift ever slightly the map and alter the outlook.

 

That wave did lift but was followed by some work problems that required me to stand up for myself. But in the midst of withdrawal where anger spirals are so easily triggered, that line between standing up for yourself and appearing crazy angry is quite hard to discern and I often worry that I may cross it. I hope I haven't, I had good counsel from mentors and things now seem to be better. 

 

Another wave descended last week with anger spirals but I am managing it and by now using well developed techniques - acknowledge, accept, let go (I don't know if i remember the exact words correctly). I can also, by now, recognize what is withdrawal and what is emotional issues triggered by the environment and sometimes, of course, the two interact and all hell breaks loose. My goal is to avoid the latter and recognize the other two and be gentle to myself with withdrawal and work on the emotional issues. 

 

I am a bit frustrated that my tapering is so slow and even with that I am not entirely stable - I can barely manage 0.01 mg a week - At this rate I have 103 weeks left and that is barring any environmental issues. That is of course optimistic as tapering gets worse the slower one goes, work is uncertain and I am on the market my first apartment. Ouch in terms of stress! 

 

In other news, the relief I got was also partly due to EMDR which I think helped quite a lot on a few issues. In the meantime I also discovered IFS (Internal Family Systems therapy), have read the main materials and the training manual and now looking for a proper therapist. That kind of therapy speaks to me so let's hope that it gets results. If nothing, at least it will be good distraction. 

 

 

 

 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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On 6/8/2021 at 10:08 PM, Smokeandmirrors22 said:

Hello, just caught up on your posts and wanted you to send you good wishes onmyway!

 

Hope you are starting to feel better now.

Thank you so much Smokeandmirrors, 

I felt much better, now not so great again but that is the nature of the process, so will ride the waves. 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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On 5/24/2021 at 11:00 PM, AlanC said:

Hello Onmyway,

 

So sorry to hear you've had to suffer all that at the same time... it's unbelievable bad luck coming on top of problems with tapering. Please try not to let it discourage you: give yourself plenty of time to recover from the two infections.

 

One thing I perhaps should mention just in case you're not aware of it - PPI's do have an effect on how you metabolise citalopram:

 

https://journals.lww.com/drug-monitoring/Fulltext/2015/02000/Effect_of_Proton_Pump_Inhibitors_on_the_Serum.13.aspx

 

I don't know what effect this would have on tapering, but I'm pretty sure the fact that PPI's slow your ability to metabolise citalopram played a role in the disasterous rapid switch from it to mirtazapine that my former GP put me through since I was on lansoprazole for stomach ulcers at the time. If you do decide to take the omeprazole then please watch out for any effects that could come from it changing the levels of the citalopram.

 

Sending you best wishes and hoping you're feeling better very soon.

Hi Alan, it is so nice to see you back here! I had wondered how you were and missed you. I consider you as one of my early withdrawal buddies when things were so much much worse and we were commiserating together. How are you doing? Are things getting better? I would love to hear an update!

 

Btw, when you had stomach issues and were prescribed a PPI, did you ever get tested for H-Pylori? I got a test off of Amazon and when it was positive had the GP do a proper test which also came back positive. I find that lots of these infections go undiagnosed/misdisgnosed and can be a source of quite a lot of misery. 

 

I did end up taking the omeprazole with two different antibiotics for a week.  Read up on the latter to tell the GP that I didn't want the metronidazole (Flagyl) which can be problematic. I was sort of OK . That whole period was quite a blur as it was generally miserable but I don't think the antibiotics/PPI made it much more miserable and they seemed to work so my symptoms went away. During this whole H-Pylori/Covid ordeal I lost 10 kg in 6-8 weeks. I suspect some of the emotional issues were also Covid precipitated as it seems to impact the nervous system - just the perfect storm. 

 

One thing that may have helped was that I was taking enormous amounts of probiotics as a previous antibiotic tx many years ago had caused me quite a lot of issues. So far so good. 

 

It was so nice to hear from you (I did read your message at the time as well and loved the support). I hope to hear more from you and to see you around. Hugs, OMW

 

 

 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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On 7/16/2021 at 9:32 PM, Altostrata said:

@Onmyway, how are you doing?

Thanks for checking Alto. Not great these days but hanging in. I think the last 1 mg will be really tough for me. At times I am tempted to just do it quickly and suffer through it rather than prolong but I know that is courting disaster so will go slowly. 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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That's the last milligram of citalopram? If it's been rough so far, you may wish to pause for a while, perhaps several months, to let your nervous system settle down before making those last reductions.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

That's the last milligram of citalopram? If it's been rough so far, you may wish to pause for a while, perhaps several months, to let your nervous system settle down before making those last reductions.

Hi Alto, thank you for checking in. 

I have been holding for a long time (over 12 months) which led to pretty much complete recovery of the symptoms but some started returning when I started dropping and now going at 0.01mg every 7-10 days, basically I drop a tiny bit when I feel ok. Less than 0.2% SERT occupancy. Am I really THAT sensitive? Poor brain. 

 

The symptoms are not nearly as horrible as they were in the beginning - mostly insomnia, wake-up terrors and obsessive rumination and some eye twitching and paresthesias. They are not fun at all esp. the obsessive rumination but I might have to accept that level of discomfort and learn to manage the symptoms better through other techniques - i.e. power through unless it gets worse. It reminds me of brassmonkey's saying that tapering will not eliminate all symptoms just make them more bearable. I can then try to hold if things get too much. I am not averse to holding but I also want to be done with this. Famous last words? The plan for now is to power through and watch and listen to my body/mind. If things get too hard, hold. 

 

I also wonder if this is just a wave that was about to happen anyway- it is more difficult because it coincided with some trauma triggers and issues at work and PMS. Also looking for a new IFS therapist - something I have gotten very excited about which might help support. 

 

I am scheduling distractions - meeting friends etc., walking (which really helps with the morning cortisol), taking magnesium more regularly, trying to fix my sleeping schedule - I have delayed sleep onset disorder - if left to my own devices I'd sleep 4 am to noon but trying to change that. Though as a chronotype I haven't been able to change it in a sustained way for the last 20 years. I wonder if it has anything to do with the SSRIs. Maybe a good question for the symptoms forum. 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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Apparently you are that sensitive. Please go slowly.

 

You're welcome to start a topic about "delayed sleep onset disorder" in the Symptoms forum if you wish.

 

From what I know from discussion with a sleep doctor, this is mainly a lifestyle disorder that you can retrain if you choose with melatonin at nightfall and going to bed earlier than 4 a.m., such as 1 a.m.

 

You might want to do this to better match with the rest of the world that gets up in the early morning. I cannot view this as a true disorder or disease, but a different biorhythm. I say that as a nightowl myself. Many musicians live their whole adult lives on a nightowl schedule. Picasso was a night owl. Many writers were nightowls.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Alto, I agree that delayed onset sleep is not a disorder or disease but a normal variation in how some people are. My work does not require me to adapt to the schedule of normal people and the times that it does I can manage ok. Right now I am on a 10 pm - 4 am sleep schedule but it will slowly slide back. The only downside is that in the winter I don't get much sun. I think during WD I end up with later bedtimes because whatever window I get is at the end of the day so it is hard to give that up and go to bed knowing the next day will be with morning terrors. 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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I have a quick but perhaps not a straightforward question. About an hour after taking citalopram tonight I threw up everything I had eaten a few hours earlier (suspect food poisoning rather than a citalopram influence). Should I take some more drug or just ride it out. Not sure how fast it is absorbed in the stomach. I suspect this has happened to others? @Altostrata

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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If you're taking 1.03mg liquid, it probably got absorbed quickly. If you feel withdrawal symptoms in a few hours, you might take a teeny bit.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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7 hours ago, Altostrata said:

If you're taking 1.03mg liquid, it probably got absorbed quickly. If you feel withdrawal symptoms in a few hours, you might take a teeny bit.

Thanks @Altostrata, so far same symptoms as before so not going to take any. It might cause issues in the next few days and I will just ride them out.

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • Moderator

I am so frustrated with this withdrawal. I have not been able to make any drops or stabilized much for the last 2 weeks. My biggest symptoms are constant background anxiety, waking up with terrors/guilt/shame, tight muscles. I used to walk a lot to get through some of these but might have overdone it as my feet hurt and even after a 2 day rest from walking a 7000 step walk left me with feet in pins and needles and pain the next day. 

 

My last drop was 0.5%. At this point I am wondering if by dropping in such small amounts but (hopefully eventually) more frequently whether I am not kindling myself more. Will I have to live with this amount of medicine and not be able to get off of it at all? Should I just drop a larger amount and hold for a long time which has previously worked for me? I'm having the symptoms anyway. I know this goes against the principles behind tapering but I am truly wondering. At this rate I will be miserable for at least 3 more years. 

 

I am just so frustrated. 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator

Made an almost 9% drop on Sept 3rd. Things were quite good mood-wise for a long time. In fact I was in a better mood for the first couple of weeks (possibly just a window) than I was before the drop. I had severe fatigue for about 3 weeks but I suspect that was due to the Covid vaccine. Has gotten much better the last few days. I will take fatigue over insomnia and morning terrors any day (at least at the level that I had it). 

 

The last 10 days however I have had some pretty bad mood issues. Last Saturday felt horrible irritability while with someone who was just very nice to me then burst into tears and spent the Sunday completely in tears. Nothing specific had happened, it was just a feeling of being overwhelmed. I felt like a hedgehog - nothing could soothe me. The next two days were OK but then some crying and low mood again were set off after an unfortunate meeting with a new therapist who was the worst therapist I had seen and left me in tears. 

 

The rest of the week morning terrors were back with some insomnia added for spice. (Argh!) Anxiety, rumination for about 8-10 hrs after waking up filled with some sadness/grief as well. Thankfully I can sometimes cry which provides such sweet relief. These ones are normal reactions to things that have happened to me (rather than just irritability) but I suspect would have been less important/strong had I not been in withdrawal. Will hold for at least a week before I make another cut. I diligently tracked my symptoms over this month in an excel sheet so as to understand my cycle of peaks and troughs after a drop in dosage. I know they are also dependent on the general waves and windows and other bodily/weather/stressor changes so it's not a pattern that I can discern from one drop but It was interesting to note that my worst emotional symptoms are in weeks 4+. Maybe I am a slower metabolizer of the drug so the effect of the drop is registered later? Or maybe it's just the emotional effects that are delayed. I note, of course, that the emotional symptoms also depend on the amount of sleep I have gotten. And more emotional symptoms end up in a headache for me, especially after a good cry.  

 

Luckily, most evenings I get a 4-5 hr window which I try to enjoy as I know the next morning is going to be brutal again. 

Edited by Onmyway

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Please know I am thinking of you as you navigate the course of your tapering.  Be good to yourself💗

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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  • Moderator
49 minutes ago, arbor said:

Please know I am thinking of you as you navigate the course of your tapering.  Be good to yourself💗

Arbor

Thanks Arbor! :)

Hugs, 

OMW

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator

A quick update here - the last few weeks have been quite hard emotionally so I have been holding at 0.875 (last drop was 5 weeks ago and about a 5.5% drop. Right after I had a beautiful window for almost two weeks. After that I came out of a relationship (withdrawal did not help here), work is incredibly stressful. I have morning terrors and insomnia pretty badly these days, a few days in a row unable to sleep for more than 2-3 hrs, then a night of 8 hrs sleep and back to the 2-3 hrs. It's unrelenting. The worst symptom of course is the brain fog. My work requires that I function well mentally and this is not happening - my head feels like it is full with cotton and dizzy and woosh-y. 

 

Therapy helps the days that I see the therapist but otherwise emotionally I go between grief, anger, intense anxiety. I feel so exhausted. Will hold for at least another week or two. 

 

 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • Moderator

So the last few weeks have been quite tough and I realized that it may be due to inadvertent dosage change. 4 weeks ago I was traveling for 2 weeks and while traveling was making my citalopram solution wherever I was staying. I was still using the same syringes and proportions but instead of making it in 40ml batches (0.1 ml of the medicine), I was making it in 20 ml batches (0.05ml of the medicine). While I was traveling my medicine tasted stronger and I wondered about it so dropped dosage from 0.925 to 0.9 and then 0.875 (it was time to make a reduction anyway) but it tasted much stronger.

 

I now suspect that the tip of the syringe takes a bit more medicine on the sides so when I was using 0.05ml of medicine, I may have taken more. Or some was stuck to the outside of the syringe (it is a viscous liquid) and when you dilute it in a smaller amount of water it actually becomes more potent. So I basically increased my dosage while traveling and then cut it but back sharply when I got back. These are miniscule amounts but it seems like they matter. It's now been 4 weeks since the last dosage change and hopefully things will get better (for me week 5 seems to be the hardest) but this makes more sense. The symptoms I am having now are similar to when I first came off of citalopram and had to reinstate. I have agitation and jerky wake-ups every time I try to fall asleep, extreme insomnia - 2-3 hrs a night, emotional spirals, tight muscles. Will hold for at least 2 extra weeks before I make another change because of this mess up and perhaps even more. This level of symptoms, especially the brain fog is not sustainable for my job. 

 

It is annoying that I am sensitive to these tiny changes to that extent. 

 

 

 

 

 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • Moderator

Life has been pretty hard since the last update and I have been having extreme wake up terrors with insomnia - I manage to sleep about 2-3 hrs a night and wake up in cold sweat, panic and can't go back to sleep. 

 It feels like my life is moving a million miles a minute and I am getting whiplash just from thinking about it. 

 

Two things that I changed yesterday that have been helpful to me have been I started taking an NSAID to lower cortisol. I took ibuprofen yesterday (I took it for a headache and then discovered that it has impacts on anxiety and it seems to be from lowering cortisol). 

 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19404617/#:~:text=Aspirin has been shown to,an augmenting agent in depression.

 

https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/full/10.1161/HYPERTENSIONAHA.109.134825

 

I can't believe I did not know this. From tonight, I am taking aspirin at night during waves. Seems, unfortunately, it has an effect on dopamine and norepinephrine but in an emergency and when all else fails, I will go with aspirin. 

 

At the same time, I did this sleep hypnosis track and it has been able to calm anxiety and help me relax and rest but not to induce sleep, unfortunately. But I will take what I can get at this point. 

 

Bracing for another awful week but hoping that some of these remedies will help at least a bit. 

 

OMW

 

Edited by Onmyway

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear @Onmyway--Thank you for this update.  I can't believe what you're dealing with--and all at once.  Truly you are strong 💜  I'm sending you best wishes that you can sleep again (which you will), and that all goes well with your house and heart.  Thank you for the other links as well.

Hugs to you,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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  • Moderator

Dear @arbor

thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words. The aspirin seems to be helping a bit but I think it increases my tinnitus. I've went from 300 to 100 mg. The good thing is that work will slow down after tomorrow. I have made a new counteroffer on the house and if it gets accepted I will be dealing with mortgages and lawyers. Withdrawal makes everything seem so intense and my mood is different hour to hour. 

 

Luckily, I have had some good advice and even if this doesn't proceed, I have learned a lot about house buying and sales in this country. 


Will keep updating also to keep as a journal. 


OMW

 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

Link to comment

I finally read through your intro thread here, and I'm sorry that it took me so long, and that you've been having such a rough time since you starting helping me in my thread.  It seems like we both have house stuff going on in our lives, adding complication and destabilization.  I hope your counter-offer is accepted and you find some relief in the upcoming days!

Edited by Onmyway

2013 - Jan 4, 2021 - Sertraline 50mg 

Jan 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (1/4)

Feb 2021 Mar 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg

April 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg, Amitriptyline 2mg (4/20), Clonazepam 2mg

May 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (5/16 - 0mg), Amitriptyline (5/1 - 1mg, 5/16 - 0mg), Clonazepam 2mg

Aug 2021 - Sertraline 25mg (re 8/20), Clonazepam 2mg 

Sep 2021 - Sertraline 50mg (up 9/3), Clonazepam (9/29 - 1mg), Diazepam (9/29 - 2.5mg)

Oct 2021 - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (10/14 - 0.9mg, 10/24 - 1mg), Diazepam (10/6 - 1.25mg, 10/14 - 0mg), Trazodone (10/03 - 50mg, 10/17 - 25mg, 10/21 - 12.5mg), Mirtazapine (10/17 - 15mg)

Nov 2021 : Current - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (4/22 - 0.975mg, 5/22 - 0.9125mg, co 6/22 - 0.25mg, co 8/22 - 0.5mg, co 1/23 - 0.25mg),

Diazepam (co 6/22 - 12mg, 7/22 - 11mg, co 8/22 - 5mg, 9/22 - 4mg, 10/22 - 3mg, 11/22 - 2mg, 12/22 - 1mg, co 1/23 - 5mg, 2/23 - 4.5mg, 3/23 - 3.5mg, 4/23 - 3mg), Trazodone 12.5mg, Mirtazapine 15mg

 

Supplements: 1/2 Multivitamin, Fish Oil 2000mgProbioticMagnesium Chelate 280mg, Vit C 500mg. Melatonin 5mg/3mgXR

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I have moved your post about hyperacusis to the existing topic.

 

I did do a search for the term hyperacusis but was not able to find it.  Then I search for "sound sensitivity".

 

overstimulation-increased-sensitivity-to-light-noise-sound-exercise-etc

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator
On 12/2/2021 at 9:12 AM, Knosretep said:

I finally read through your intro thread here, and I'm sorry that it took me so long, and that you've been having such a rough time since you starting helping me in my thread.  It seems like we both have IVF and house stuff going on in our lives, adding complication and destabilization.  I hope your counter-offer is accepted and you find some relief in the upcoming days!

Thanks for stopping by @Knosretep. It has been such a stressful few weeks now with the house buying. I found one apartment in the place that I already live which I like a lot, it has gardens and I have a community here with good neighbors, I know the area etc. In a large city like this it's easy to get lost. So I made an offer and it was accepted (after some negotiations) and then I went to see the place again. I couldn't see it before then as the tenants had Covid. And when I looked more carefully, I had second thoughts. The bones etc are ok but the kitchen and the bathroom both need a gutting and re-do. Things that I could get done but not at the price that I had offered and without significant dealing with construction workers, so I am now going back on my offer. 

 

Most of my friends or family are not worried about this and encourage me to go ahead because when can you ever be guaranteed that you are not going to not have construction next to you? And the other apartments that I saw I didn't like for other reasons - one was OK but the corridors smelled of boiled chicken and that just turned me off. Others had more significant issues. The community here is very good for my mental health, so there are many reasons to go ahead with this. If only I could dampen the anxiety inside. Or know whether it is justified or part of a neuro-spiral. Arghhh 

 

 

 

Edited by Onmyway

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

Link to comment

I've heard home buying is considered one of the top 5 major stressors in life, and that its best not to make any big, life changing decisions while in Depression.  Despite that, I ended up buying a home anyways because our lease was coming up on our rental, and crypto prices spiked, which is where I had my savings.  I wasn't looking anymore myself, and was just going to renew the lease for another 6 months, but my wife found a home and when we went to look at it, we both liked it, which was a first, so we made an offer.

 

 

Are you under some time pressure to leave your current apartment?  If you're already living there and like it, but are unsure about buying another unit there, can you not just continue renting and keep looking until you find a place you like?

 

I understand its nice not to have to throw away rent money, but looking back on my own move, If we'd waited instead of jumping on this house, my crypto would have been worth way more just a few months later, and we could have continued looking with a much higher range of affordable houses, and had another 6 months to find another place that we liked, and I would have (hopefully) been under less WD symptoms by the time of moving.

 

From what I'm hearing from you, it sounds like going back on your offer is the right move if you can just stay where you are now and keep looking.  Unaffordable renovations and possible construction and loss of value seem like pretty good reasons for anxiety to me.

 

2013 - Jan 4, 2021 - Sertraline 50mg 

Jan 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (1/4)

Feb 2021 Mar 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg

April 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg, Amitriptyline 2mg (4/20), Clonazepam 2mg

May 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (5/16 - 0mg), Amitriptyline (5/1 - 1mg, 5/16 - 0mg), Clonazepam 2mg

Aug 2021 - Sertraline 25mg (re 8/20), Clonazepam 2mg 

Sep 2021 - Sertraline 50mg (up 9/3), Clonazepam (9/29 - 1mg), Diazepam (9/29 - 2.5mg)

Oct 2021 - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (10/14 - 0.9mg, 10/24 - 1mg), Diazepam (10/6 - 1.25mg, 10/14 - 0mg), Trazodone (10/03 - 50mg, 10/17 - 25mg, 10/21 - 12.5mg), Mirtazapine (10/17 - 15mg)

Nov 2021 : Current - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (4/22 - 0.975mg, 5/22 - 0.9125mg, co 6/22 - 0.25mg, co 8/22 - 0.5mg, co 1/23 - 0.25mg),

Diazepam (co 6/22 - 12mg, 7/22 - 11mg, co 8/22 - 5mg, 9/22 - 4mg, 10/22 - 3mg, 11/22 - 2mg, 12/22 - 1mg, co 1/23 - 5mg, 2/23 - 4.5mg, 3/23 - 3.5mg, 4/23 - 3mg), Trazodone 12.5mg, Mirtazapine 15mg

 

Supplements: 1/2 Multivitamin, Fish Oil 2000mgProbioticMagnesium Chelate 280mg, Vit C 500mg. Melatonin 5mg/3mgXR

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  • Moderator

Thanks @Knosretep

it is so hard to make the right decision with the crypto currency and the market changes and the level of uncertainty. Please don't blame yourself about that. 

 

I have spent my whole life not committing to a place. And I have enjoyed it but do want to get settled now as I just feel tired of moving. But at the same time, I am not sure that this is the right place to settle. I used to live some place much sunnier and loved it. it is a pity because a part of me really wants this apartment and a part of me is very much worried and usually the part of me that is worried wins but it is not necessarily a good long term winning strategy, I've passed up on many good opportunities this way over the years. 

 

I will  give myself a break from buying a house now, though and not think about this for a while - at least not in a desperate way. Sometimes a little mental cleanse really helps. 

 

Have you settled already @Knosretep

OMW

 

 

Edited by Onmyway

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

Link to comment

Good to take a major decision off your plate for now.

 

I just looked at the coin that the majority of my savings was in and now its way down from what it was when I cashed out.  That makes me feel a bit better.  It had been so much higher that I stopped looking out of disgust.

 

Yes, we moved over 3 days and my wife unpacked everything by the time we moved in. 1st day we moved our stuff, 2nd day the place was cleaned, and 3rd day we actually stayed in the place for the first night.  She was super excited to move but for me it was new house, same A/D me.

2013 - Jan 4, 2021 - Sertraline 50mg 

Jan 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (1/4)

Feb 2021 Mar 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg

April 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg, Amitriptyline 2mg (4/20), Clonazepam 2mg

May 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (5/16 - 0mg), Amitriptyline (5/1 - 1mg, 5/16 - 0mg), Clonazepam 2mg

Aug 2021 - Sertraline 25mg (re 8/20), Clonazepam 2mg 

Sep 2021 - Sertraline 50mg (up 9/3), Clonazepam (9/29 - 1mg), Diazepam (9/29 - 2.5mg)

Oct 2021 - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (10/14 - 0.9mg, 10/24 - 1mg), Diazepam (10/6 - 1.25mg, 10/14 - 0mg), Trazodone (10/03 - 50mg, 10/17 - 25mg, 10/21 - 12.5mg), Mirtazapine (10/17 - 15mg)

Nov 2021 : Current - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (4/22 - 0.975mg, 5/22 - 0.9125mg, co 6/22 - 0.25mg, co 8/22 - 0.5mg, co 1/23 - 0.25mg),

Diazepam (co 6/22 - 12mg, 7/22 - 11mg, co 8/22 - 5mg, 9/22 - 4mg, 10/22 - 3mg, 11/22 - 2mg, 12/22 - 1mg, co 1/23 - 5mg, 2/23 - 4.5mg, 3/23 - 3.5mg, 4/23 - 3mg), Trazodone 12.5mg, Mirtazapine 15mg

 

Supplements: 1/2 Multivitamin, Fish Oil 2000mgProbioticMagnesium Chelate 280mg, Vit C 500mg. Melatonin 5mg/3mgXR

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator

The last few weeks have been absolutely horrendous. I have not been really depressed before, except during withdrawal - I have been sad and anxious but not this level of detachment from the world, ahnedonia and hopelessness. There have been a lot of stresses and pressures in my personal life. The house-sale failing was a big blow as I liked the community in which it was (lots of neighbors that I know) and then I wondered why the hell am I even living here which made me feel very unmoored. I plan on giving up my current rental apartment when I go to to the US for a 3 months as it is very expensive to keep it but it will cause major disruption. Will try to see if I can sublet it but it seems unlikely. 

 

Other than that have been having anger spirals. I can't seem to distract from it. Trying to do self-therapy for trauma which may be actually retraumatizing me more but I feel so overwhelmed and therapist is away on a break. The short and gloomy days are not helping and I am just so miserable. Work is also piling up. 

 

I hope I get out of this soon. 

Edited by Onmyway

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear @Onmyway  This has got to be terrible for you.  I can relate only too well.  You've got so much going on that is unsettling at the best of times, but during w/d--unreal.  Please know I hold thoughts of your peace and well-being in my heart.  

Arbor💜

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

Link to comment

@Onmyway 

 

The end of the year is a difficult time for many, so sorry that you've got so much else piled on.  Anhedonia is one of the hardest symptoms to deal with IMO because it totally severs your connection to the things we have in life that keep us motivated to keep taking care of ourselves.  Keep going!  Remember that even though you might have lost some things recently, you'll have other chances that might be even better when you're through all this WD crap.

 

Hope that the new year brings back some stability and healing to you in these difficult days for you!

2013 - Jan 4, 2021 - Sertraline 50mg 

Jan 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (1/4)

Feb 2021 Mar 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg

April 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg, Amitriptyline 2mg (4/20), Clonazepam 2mg

May 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (5/16 - 0mg), Amitriptyline (5/1 - 1mg, 5/16 - 0mg), Clonazepam 2mg

Aug 2021 - Sertraline 25mg (re 8/20), Clonazepam 2mg 

Sep 2021 - Sertraline 50mg (up 9/3), Clonazepam (9/29 - 1mg), Diazepam (9/29 - 2.5mg)

Oct 2021 - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (10/14 - 0.9mg, 10/24 - 1mg), Diazepam (10/6 - 1.25mg, 10/14 - 0mg), Trazodone (10/03 - 50mg, 10/17 - 25mg, 10/21 - 12.5mg), Mirtazapine (10/17 - 15mg)

Nov 2021 : Current - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (4/22 - 0.975mg, 5/22 - 0.9125mg, co 6/22 - 0.25mg, co 8/22 - 0.5mg, co 1/23 - 0.25mg),

Diazepam (co 6/22 - 12mg, 7/22 - 11mg, co 8/22 - 5mg, 9/22 - 4mg, 10/22 - 3mg, 11/22 - 2mg, 12/22 - 1mg, co 1/23 - 5mg, 2/23 - 4.5mg, 3/23 - 3.5mg, 4/23 - 3mg), Trazodone 12.5mg, Mirtazapine 15mg

 

Supplements: 1/2 Multivitamin, Fish Oil 2000mgProbioticMagnesium Chelate 280mg, Vit C 500mg. Melatonin 5mg/3mgXR

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi and sending whatever support you need right now Onmyway,

Virtually, you know......but so sorry to hear you are in the midst of so many tough situations, and symptoms.

 

I too, hope it passes soon.

Please, please let us know if or how we can help now.

And if any non-drug coping is helping for you. 

 

Looks like you are getting down there with the citalopram, from your signature.  And my fingers are also crossed for you.

 

Best, Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • Moderator
On 12/26/2021 at 6:28 PM, arbor said:

Dear @Onmyway  This has got to be terrible for you.  I can relate only too well.  You've got so much going on that is unsettling at the best of times, but during w/d--unreal.  Please know I hold thoughts of your peace and well-being in my heart.  

Arbor💜

Thank you so much for checking in @arbor . You have given me hope and connection so many times when I am in the deep dark places. 💜

 

On 12/27/2021 at 8:15 AM, Knosretep said:

@Onmyway 

 

The end of the year is a difficult time for many, so sorry that you've got so much else piled on.  Anhedonia is one of the hardest symptoms to deal with IMO because it totally severs your connection to the things we have in life that keep us motivated to keep taking care of ourselves.  Keep going!  Remember that even though you might have lost some things recently, you'll have other chances that might be even better when you're through all this WD crap.

 

Hope that the new year brings back some stability and healing to you in these difficult days for you!

 

Thanks for checking in @Knosretep. I am wondering how you are doing. I re-started tracking my symptoms and am using your 'criteria' for evaluating the symptoms. Hope for healing a stability for all of us in this year!

 

On 12/30/2021 at 11:36 PM, manymoretodays said:

Hi and sending whatever support you need right now Onmyway,

Virtually, you know......but so sorry to hear you are in the midst of so many tough situations, and symptoms.

 

I too, hope it passes soon.

Please, please let us know if or how we can help now.

And if any non-drug coping is helping for you. 

 

Looks like you are getting down there with the citalopram, from your signature.  And my fingers are also crossed for you.

 

Best, Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

Thank you so much for the wonderful words @manymoretodays. These low doses seem to be so difficult. I have ended up doing lots of walking and as much social interaction as I can to distract myself. Hoping that the new year will be better. Participating and helping out here seem to help as well though they are difficult at times! Sending you warm thoughts as well!

 

OMW

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

Link to comment
  • Moderator

So a quick update. 
On Dec 31st I have made a few changes after what felt like a slump of months.

 

1. I lowered my citalopram dosage by 0.025 to 0.85, close to a 3% drop. The drops initially cause activation for me which has happened already but which in this case is probably also aided by me starting vit D at 400 IU. I am always deficient because it causes me to be on edge so badly but I think I need it so starting with this low dose. 

2. I have changed my sleep schedule to get as much daylight as possible and managing some daytime walks despite it being grey and gloomy. 

 

Symptoms that have restarted:

facial numbness - it is disturbing but in the grand scheme of things something with which I can live for a while. 

 

nausea - this is one that was really hard for me in the very beginning. I could use the weight loss of course but it creates such an unpleasant all pervasive feeling. BUT I would take this over obsessive thinking or anger spiral any day

 

eye floaters - I had some before withdrawal but right now they are so significant I have trouble working on the computer. 

 

I haven't reached steady state yet of the new dose so will see how that feels and whether I can do another cut in 10 days or so. Given how super sensitive I am to the smallest cuts it seems like I might just have to power through with this one. Praying/hoping for strength to get through this. 

 

OMW

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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On 1/3/2022 at 5:53 PM, Onmyway said:

Thanks for checking in @Knosretep. I am wondering how you are doing. I re-started tracking my symptoms and am using your 'criteria' for evaluating the symptoms. Hope for healing a stability for all of us in this year!

 

Its been a tough few weeks.  Seeing my upward trending progress start to reverse was disheartening because I didn't know why.  Christmas Eve and Christmas were stressful, and then a few days later I found out my grandma passed away on the 23rd.  My New Years was also stressful, and then recently I've gotten a cold that has wrecked my sleep and prevented me from seeing friends that are getting back into town.

 

I thought about stopping tracking because things have been so bad lately, but I think I'm finally starting to get a grip on acceptance and I want these dark days recorded so that when things get better I'll have them to look back on and see the improvement.  :)

2013 - Jan 4, 2021 - Sertraline 50mg 

Jan 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (1/4)

Feb 2021 Mar 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg

April 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg, Amitriptyline 2mg (4/20), Clonazepam 2mg

May 2021 - Venlafaxine 75mg (5/16 - 0mg), Amitriptyline (5/1 - 1mg, 5/16 - 0mg), Clonazepam 2mg

Aug 2021 - Sertraline 25mg (re 8/20), Clonazepam 2mg 

Sep 2021 - Sertraline 50mg (up 9/3), Clonazepam (9/29 - 1mg), Diazepam (9/29 - 2.5mg)

Oct 2021 - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (10/14 - 0.9mg, 10/24 - 1mg), Diazepam (10/6 - 1.25mg, 10/14 - 0mg), Trazodone (10/03 - 50mg, 10/17 - 25mg, 10/21 - 12.5mg), Mirtazapine (10/17 - 15mg)

Nov 2021 : Current - Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam (4/22 - 0.975mg, 5/22 - 0.9125mg, co 6/22 - 0.25mg, co 8/22 - 0.5mg, co 1/23 - 0.25mg),

Diazepam (co 6/22 - 12mg, 7/22 - 11mg, co 8/22 - 5mg, 9/22 - 4mg, 10/22 - 3mg, 11/22 - 2mg, 12/22 - 1mg, co 1/23 - 5mg, 2/23 - 4.5mg, 3/23 - 3.5mg, 4/23 - 3mg), Trazodone 12.5mg, Mirtazapine 15mg

 

Supplements: 1/2 Multivitamin, Fish Oil 2000mgProbioticMagnesium Chelate 280mg, Vit C 500mg. Melatonin 5mg/3mgXR

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator

Another update here. 

After the horrible wave at the end of December, I was feeling tolerably bad beginning of January and I lowered by about 2.8%/week for 3 weeks straight and things were going well. However, the 4th cut of about 1.2% for the fourth week has caught up with me. Or it could be just external stressors.

 

This new wave, caused by those two stressors has again the familiar face numbness and head pressure as well as the 'yuck' feeling, brain fog and morning terrors. Will hold for a week or two until this settles and if feeling ok will resume the micro-cuts.

 

Edited by Onmyway

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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