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BreathofAir: dual taper mistake


BreathofAir

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Hi Ruth, 

 

Thank you for your message. Yes, I am faking it until I make it. I am just a robot right now.  I watched a video of myself three days before I crashed and I was laughing and being silly.  Who am I now?  I feel like someone removed half my brain or mangled all the connections.  It’s so hard to get your head around a crash and how the bottom just drops out completely.  

 

You don’t sound crazy. My friends are praying for me, but it seems so selfish when there are so many suffering so much worse.  I am just so full of guilt. 

 

The weather has been mixed here, a bit of everything with some wind thrown in. Think it’s going to be pretty rubbish this week. Hopefully they’ve got it wrong as usual. 

 

Sending you blessings, hugs and warmth too.  Sleep well and heal well. 

R xxxxxxx

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Rachel

 

Please please please run this increase by the mods. Brassmonkey is online now and remember his reply to Planiflora.

I think you are making a big mistake but it needs a mod who knows.

 

Sassenach

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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1 minute ago, Sassenach said:

Rachel

 

Please please please run this increase by the mods. Brassmonkey is online now and remember his reply to Planiflora.

I think you are making a big mistake but it needs a mod who knows.

 

Sassenach

 

I agree, and hello Sassenach :)

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I agree with @Sassenach as well. It might not be too late to go back down to 5. Not only would I hate to see you essentially double the length of your taper, but the increased dose also might be causing your heightened symptoms. This is definitely a job for the mods. @brassmonkey is extremely knowledgable. Brass, could you weigh in here? 

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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  • Moderator Emeritus
32 minutes ago, BreathofAir said:

I am going to stay at 10mg. I will see how I go over the next few days.  I just can’t get anything right at the moment!  I don’t plan on tapering any time soon anyway.  My low mood and need for the Lorazepam has really been frightening me. 

 

Ultimately it is your choice as to whether you stay on the larger 10mg tablets, but this is not something we would recommend. Any updose should be small so as to carefully monitor for adverse reactions and to not leave oneself stuck on a high dose which is causing side effects, but that has also caused dependence and will need tapering slowly. 

 

As it’s only been 5 days, I think it would be acceptable to move straight back down to 5mg, although I will ask the other and more experienced moderators to weigh in as well.

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I can only provide information and make suggestions.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

@BreathofAir

 

Since you've only been on the 10mg for 5 days, I would recommend that you drop back to 5mg.  I'm concerned that 10mg is going to be too much for your system to handle on top of all the other changes.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Thank you Gridley, 

 

I feel stuck, because I am still suicidal, my mood is very low and I cannot cope with the level of anxiety I have without taking Lorazepam.  My doctor was thinking that I would need to increase at some point, but not beyond 10mg.  

 

I am frightened to go back down to 5mg in case I need more Lorazepam. Might it not cause more chaos to go down again? 

 

Thank you for your help. 

Xxxxxx

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
8 minutes ago, BreathofAir said:

Might it not cause more chaos to go down again? 

 

It is a hard call.  Yes, it could cause chaos either way.  I'm sorry you're in this predicament.  It is your decision.  Do what you are most comfortable doing.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Thank you Gridley, 

 

I appreciate your care and concern. 

 

Just to clarify, I was thinking I would need to completely re-start the medication anyway, rather than a low reinstatement and taper off.  I’ve made such a mess trying to taper the AD and the benzo, so I guess I will try to start again, but hopefully not at the higher doses I was on before. 

 

Thank you so much for your help. Bless you and hope you are well. 

 

Rachel xxxxx

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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Please give me some strength.  I promise I will pay it back. 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Moderator

You can't just start and stop these drugs on a whim.  Going back up to your full dose of 20mg Escitalopram  would probably be a disaster. Just look what going to 10mg has done. Lowering your dose to 5mg is probably a good idea and won't do too much damage as it's only been a few days. Right now you need a very long time with no changes to anything so your body can sort things out and stabilize.  It will probably be pretty uncomfortable for quite some time but stability will happen and then you can think about tapering one of the drugs at a time.  Making changes now or adding other drugs will just be adding fuel to the fire and cause a lot of trouble. 

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Rachel try and get some sleep tonight but please think very carefully before you take 10mg tomorrow the decision has to be yours

Strength to you goodnight

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator Emeritus
51 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

Lowering your dose to 5mg is probably a good idea and won't do too much damage as it's only been a few days. Right now you need a very long time with no changes to anything so your body can sort things out and stabilize.  

Rachel, I believe to my very core that you should follow Brassmonkey's advice. There are many people here, myself included, who are living proof that he is right.

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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48 minutes ago, Dejavu said:

Rachel, I believe to my very core that you should follow Brassmonkey's advice. There are many people here, myself included, who are living proof that he is right.

 

Rachel, I've not posted on your thread but began following your story a couple of weeks ago. I wholely concur with @Dejavu, the mods and all the others who want the best for you. I too am living proof that brassmonkey's advice is right.

 

Wish I could help more. Been pulling for you for weeks. 💙

* Fluoxetine: 40 mg 1999-2012; 60 mg 2012-March 2019;  45.2 mg at present.

* Provigil: 25-100 mg PRN 2005 to mid-2015; 200-300 mg mid-2015 to early 2016; tapered from 300 mg in early 2016 to 100 mg early 2017; tapered from 100 mg early 2017 to 33 mg June 15, 2019;  8.9 mg at present.

* Amitriptyline: 10-15 mg 2002-2013; 25 mg 2014 to December 5, 2018; December 15, 2018 converted to water suspension and tapered to 16.5 mg at present

* Diazepam: 5 mg at night 2002-present

 Supplements: Iron for anemia

Recent tapering timeline:

2019:  Fluoxetine 60 mg        Provigil 33.5 mg      Amitriptyline 25 mg   Diazepam 5 mg

2022:          45.2 mg                      8.9 mg                     16.5 mg                        5 mg

Back Story: From 2012 thru early 2017, relocated and cycled through over 20 primary and psych docs (supposedly for severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) who prescribed two dozen different psych meds in search of the "perfect therapeutic combo." Took most for only a few days, some for a week. Included Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Belsomra, Tramadol, Librium, Halcyon, Remeron and -- the last straw, Trintellix. Began in early 2016 when it was still called Brintellix (Pharma's attempt to combine the words "brilliance" and "intelligence" in a pill name), became unable to eat or sleep, lost 25 lbs and the ability to speak. Slowly tapered myself back to Prozac by 2017 but was unable to stop akathisia, cortisol mornings and kindling which continue, actively, through present.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

There is another option of going to 7.5mg.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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@BreathofAirmorning Rachel,

I know it seems really overwhelming, but honestly, keeping it stable at 5 does sound the best way forward. 

If you look at my signature, you can see what I did last summer....my regret is that I didn't stay put at 5, I didn't realise the effect it would have on me to move around.

Here I am 9 months later, still stabilising...

Whatever dose you are on, it takes time to heal. More doesn't mean 'better.'

Hope you have had some good sleep. Thinking of you x

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Good morning Rachel

 

Hope you slept ok.

You have only been on the increased dose for 5 days so the effect are only just getting to your brain.

If you stick at 5 you may have some extra waves but as you can see on here many have done so and not regretted it.

If you do not want to stay on 5 then Chessie's suggestion of 7.5mg  is a less bad choice than 10 mgs.

Please do not take offence Chessie short of time to pick my words

Whatever you decide be sure to inform your GP because if he has not pushed you to updose maybe he is one of the few who do understand but of course cannot tell you so.

You asked for strength last night, you have it behind you in spades on here.

Make your decision, inform your care team, and stick with it.

You were doing so well, you still can.

Who discovered the mistake in the med dose?

Time to take control again

Wishing you wisdom

 

Sassenach

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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Thank you everyone for all your help.  I didn’t sleep.

 

I am too upset at the moment and frightened by what Brass has said that things will take a long time.  It’s made me feel so hopeless. 

 

I hope everyone is ok. Bless you all. 

 

R xxxxxxxx

 

 

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Rachel

 

Don't be frightened it was always going to take a long time.

You are young and can lead a normal life when you stabilise.

This can be just a blip when you were doing so well as long as you make a decision and stick to it.

What dose have you taken today?

 

Sassenach

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator Emeritus
12 minutes ago, BreathofAir said:

Thank you everyone for all your help.  I didn’t sleep.

 

I am too upset at the moment and frightened by what Brass has said that things will take a long time.  It’s made me feel so hopeless. 

 

 

I think what Brass meant was that the nervous system likes stability - making changes is like shifting the goal posts for your nervous system. Keep in mind that the "quite some time" refers to stabilising, it doesn't mean a long time without any improvement.  People generally do improve gradually over time as their nervous systems work towards stability.  I quite liked ChessieCat's idea of the 7.5mg middle ground.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Rachel

 

The lst three days have been pretty awful for me but I have seen through the windows that I will be well again.

I am not giving up and I will get there.

I still think you can do it, but you have to believe.

I hope it works out for you.

 

Sassenach

 

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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Hi Songbird and Sassenach, 

 

I have taken 7.5mg today after speaking with my doctor.  

 

I am just very frightened by my low mood.  I am doing what I can to exercise and function and eat.  I have never had such a feeling of black despair like this.  I only ever had anxiety and some moderate down days, nothing like this.  I just don’t know how to cope with it.  

 

Sassenach, I am so sorry the last few days have been bad.  Would you tell me your symptoms? If you’d rather not, I understand.  Sending you big hugs and a big shove as well to get rid of your wave.  

 

I have no clue what is happening to me. I have side effects from the Escitalopram, but I still feel the Lorazepam is doing the work, and that together with the insomnia is crushing my mood.  

 

You are much braver and more positive than me.  I was really upset after I read the post from Brass, it really scared me because I’m still having SI and I don’t feel a low dose of Escitalopram is going to do anything.  It was me who spotted the tablets. My husband is very upset about it. 

 

Have you been sleeping and eating ok?  I know you will miss your ff very much.  I really understand that. You seem very focused and determined so I know this will keep you motoring along. 

 

Sending you my blessings and hugs and thank you so much for your care and concern. 

I hope you sleep well and wake up to a fabulous window. 

 

R xxxxxxx

 

 

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Mentor

Hi Rachel,

 

Don’t be frightened by your moods. You will feel better. Keep struggling! It will make a difference.

 

I can testify that a low dose of medication can make a difference. I reinstated 0.5mg / day of Abilify and I did feel better - the minimum prescribed dose is 2mg, and I had been on 5mg. 

 

Warmest wishes,

 

Rich

 

 

 

 

 = medication taken now

2007 quetiapine to March 2019 200mg

2019 quetiapine March to present 225mg 

2007 citalopram to present 40mg 
2018 March Abilify 5mg  
2019 Abilify February rapid taper over 3 weeks from 5mg to off

2019 March Clonazepam as required, taken very occasionally, then taken 0.5mg for 2 days 28th and 29th March, now phased out

2019 1st April reinstated Abilify 0.5mg / day 

2018 to 2020 Liquid B12 2g twice daily (diagnosed B12 deficiency) 

2020 July reduced quetiapine to 200mg

2022 October began taper of Abilify
 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Rachel my symptoms are feeling cold, no energy, head fog and all the usual ones.The difference is they are worse ie. a wave.

When they ease I will have a window, some will ease others disappear alltogether.

It is all part of the process. It cannot be rushed and once you see a window you know what is possible.

I am glad you contacted your GP and even more happy that he did not push you to 10mgs. Maybe he does understand.

 

I hope you have control of your meds now.

What would your husband have done if one of his nurses administered a double dose to one of his patients?

Thanks to ChessieCat for a level head.

If you are not sleeping you have the Zopiclone. You cannot fight when you are totally exhausted, use the tools you have and sit tight.

It is so unfair you have been knocked back like this but you can still do it.

 

All the best

 

Sassenach

 

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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Thank you @Sassenach and @RichT

 

Thank you once again for your kind messages.  I am very very sorry to be so draining.  

 

I know you both get very tired. If you nap try to make sure your blood sugars are up before you do nap. Nuts or a long release carb.  Also it lowers your blood pressure so that won’t help the horrid feelings when you wake.  Make sure you eat lots of warm food and warm liquid to try help your internal temperature. 

 

Keep the chi moving by stretching and bending indoors.  Acupuncture infrared heat lamps are good for deep heat, better than hot water bottles, if you get cramps or aches.  You can get them online, but I appreciate they are expensive. 

 

I hope you both feel a lot better and am sending my prayers and blessings to you. 

Sleep tight.  Heal well. 

 

R xxxxxxxxx

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Rachel I am not cross with you but I am concerned for your safety that does not mean but I believe your husband means you any harm I want to believe it was a genuine error but he is too emotionally invested to be in charge of your car e

However it is you who are left wondering what is happening.

Sleep well

Sassenach

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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  • Moderator Emeritus
5 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

I don’t feel a low dose of Escitalopram is going to do anything. 

 

Escitalopram is a very powerful drug - 5mg isn't really a low dose.  If you've decided on 7.5mg, that's a decent size dose.  The key is to stay on the same dose and give your system plenty of time to adjust and work towards stability.

 

5 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

I have no clue what is happening to me. I have side effects from the Escitalopram, but I still feel the Lorazepam is doing the work, and that together with the insomnia is crushing my mood.  

 

What do you mean by side effects from the escitalopram?  Are you talking about withdrawal symptoms, or are you having side effects from reinstatement?

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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Hi @Songbird

 

I hope you are well.  Thank you for your reply. 

 

It’s more the nausea feelings and a sense of head pressure/ache that I remember from before.  I don’t know whether the severe anxiety is from the withdrawal or whether it’s just back with a vengeance from before.  

 

I fell asleep, but had about an hour’s sleep. The cortisol burning and terror this morning made me sick and seemed to go on for hours from after midnight.  I struggle to cope with it very much. 

 

Thank you for your help and support. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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I hope everyone has had a good day and things are looking up. 

 

I tried going out today to meet some friends.  I just cannot talk to or be around people. The anhedonia, flatness and disconnection are awful.  I cannot look at people and I just burn with panic when normal conversation is going on around me.  It just doesn’t mean anything to me.   I never had this before, just more pure anxiety.  The crying is still constant.  I can only essentially function with my mother or husband nearby if I am out of the house. 

 

I hope everyone else is doing much better and feeling hopeful and positive.  Bless you all. Keep healing. 

 

R xxxxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Rachel

 

Everything you are feeling is totally normal for this completely abnormal condition of WD

I have not spoken to my neighbours for six months because they are both doctors, husband A & E, his wife leading psych doc in Scotland, apparently.

I do not want to socialise and know that with my current attitude to doctors I would not be able to hold back.

You were talking to your neighbour the other day, but this condition changes by the day. So it is fine and normal to be unsociable.

The easiest way is not to care what people think.

The past is just that, deal with it bit by bit until you can put it where it belongs. It does not mean you have to forget but it will not be ever present.

How are you doing with the new counsellor you liked? I hope you feel at ease and able to confide in her to help you come to terms with your life.

I apologise for being short with you, it was wrong.

So can we start again?

That means you stop referring to yourself as weak and continue helping and posting on here.

Remember we can all find posts on here to relate to and that includes your experiences for others.

You are still strong so dig in, take what comes, and get through it.

 

While I remember do not forget to update your history with updose to 7.5mgs so the mods can see it.

 

Hope you get some sleep.

 

Sassenach

Escitalopram 10mgs from mid 2007 ( can't remember exact date) to 11th Dec 2018

Fentanyl patches ( don't remember dose ) from Nov 2014 to 11 Dec 2018

Quit both cold turkey Dec 2018

Reinstated 3rd March 2019 2.5 mgs.

Updosed  8March to 5mgs and holding

25/11/19 Started taper 4.5mgs and holding

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner

If you are going through Hell, keep going. NCIS series 15, David MaCallum:rolleyes:

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2 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

I tried going out today to meet some friends.  I just cannot talk to or be around people. The anhedonia, flatness and disconnection are awful.  I cannot look at people and I just burn with panic when normal conversation is going on around me.  It just doesn’t mean anything to me.   I never had this before, just more pure anxiety.  The crying is still constant.  I can only essentially function with my mother or husband nearby if I am out of the house. 

 

Like @Sassenach said: this is normal for WD but it is not permanent. I was a social creature my entire life, traveled happily by myself to almost 40 countries, and now am in this space you describe so well. It seems impossible that we can't just snap out of it but we can't so we can't worry. 

 

1 hour ago, Sassenach said:

The easiest way is not to care what people think

 

@Sassenach, could you bottle this and give me a price? I need more of this vital reality in my WD brain. 😅

 

My closest neighbors are a family of seven and the wife, she is an esteemed psychologist with the police department. Daily she teams with a psychiatrist to "treat" victims of rape and domestic abuse with every manner of psychotic drug. Her own daughter of age 14 is on Lamictal for teenage mood swings. I honestly thought when I presented solid evidence to her last year she might think twice. Yet I have learned that she has diagnosed me as having "serious mental issues." My neighbors avoid me like the plague. Sigh. 

 

Hang in there, @BreathofAir. Remember, the higher dose of meds we take, the longer these symptoms will drag out as we withdraw. Once we destabilize, we can never "go back" -- no matter what the professionals say.

 

 

Edited by intothewoods
uneven prose

* Fluoxetine: 40 mg 1999-2012; 60 mg 2012-March 2019;  45.2 mg at present.

* Provigil: 25-100 mg PRN 2005 to mid-2015; 200-300 mg mid-2015 to early 2016; tapered from 300 mg in early 2016 to 100 mg early 2017; tapered from 100 mg early 2017 to 33 mg June 15, 2019;  8.9 mg at present.

* Amitriptyline: 10-15 mg 2002-2013; 25 mg 2014 to December 5, 2018; December 15, 2018 converted to water suspension and tapered to 16.5 mg at present

* Diazepam: 5 mg at night 2002-present

 Supplements: Iron for anemia

Recent tapering timeline:

2019:  Fluoxetine 60 mg        Provigil 33.5 mg      Amitriptyline 25 mg   Diazepam 5 mg

2022:          45.2 mg                      8.9 mg                     16.5 mg                        5 mg

Back Story: From 2012 thru early 2017, relocated and cycled through over 20 primary and psych docs (supposedly for severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) who prescribed two dozen different psych meds in search of the "perfect therapeutic combo." Took most for only a few days, some for a week. Included Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Belsomra, Tramadol, Librium, Halcyon, Remeron and -- the last straw, Trintellix. Began in early 2016 when it was still called Brintellix (Pharma's attempt to combine the words "brilliance" and "intelligence" in a pill name), became unable to eat or sleep, lost 25 lbs and the ability to speak. Slowly tapered myself back to Prozac by 2017 but was unable to stop akathisia, cortisol mornings and kindling which continue, actively, through present.

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You are very sweet Sassenach, 

 

It is I who should apologise to you for causing so much drama. I put the tablets in the wrong box, but my husband put them in the dispenser.  He is very upset with himself, but i have shredded his nerves and it was an honest mistake.  

 

Thank you once again for your sage advice.  It is just for my daughter that I grieve and struggle so much. We were very close and now grandma and other mothers are doing my job whilst I just watch in agony.  I know I am soft, I just have no control over the tears right now.  I also know I have to dig down and acclimatise to the fear and pain. 

 

I hope you are feeling better today or having signs you are on the up.  I at least managed to play with a fun little sheep dog called Buster today, who was quite happy to play fetch with me for half an hour.  Thank goodness for animals. 

 

I see the counsellor again on Friday.  I can talk to her and she seems knowledgeable and encouraging.  I am just pleased there is a service available. 

 

Have you managed to feel any warmer today? I daren’t nap at all. It’s hard to find things to tire myself out when nothing holds my attention and everything feels uncomfortable.  I know Rich said to keep struggling. 

 

Do you mind me asking if your history is more related to depression or anxiety? I know you don’t like dwelling on yourself much, and I respect that.  My sister has been left with tinnitus after her withdrawal from Sert years ago. She said it took her  long time to get used to it. 

 

I hope you are ok. Thank you for being my friend, I feel very lucky. 

 

Hope you sleep longer tonight. Bless you very much and keep healing. 

 

R xxxxxx

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Rachel, when I first reinstated I was in 24x7 hell mode. Like you, I could not be around people without feeling exposed and vulnerable. I could not be left alone. I could not drive. I could not work. I could not watch stimulating TV. I could not look at social media because I got so jealous of other people living their normal happy lives. Random, crazy things caused me panic for absolutely no reason. I am a musician, but I couldn't play or even go to rehearsal. I had to quit my beloved band. My mom had just died. All I wanted was to be with her. I spent every day lying on my bed, watching silly romcoms and children's shows because they weren't too stimulating. Except for therapy appointments, I never left the house. Anxiety was off the charts and the depression was shockingly soul-crushing. I couldn't sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time. Cortisol spikes and morning anxiety were daily. I panicked anytime something was expected of me, even something small like answering a text. I was a mess.

 

That was last December. By February, I was slowly improving. The first to go were the cortisol awakenings. I started sleeping more solidly. Then the morning anxiety calmed down. I started to be able to nap during the day without waking up in a panic (this was huge!). I found I could be alone for short periods of time (only 1-2 hours at first, but it gradually became a non-issue). Then I started driving with my husband in the car, and soon I got back to driving alone during the day for short trips. I'm back to work part time. I am looking at social media again, commenting but not yet posting. Last month I finally got back to band rehearsal. I have to drive 45 minutes to get there - almost all highway driving at night, and it no longer phases me. I've gone from someone who used to jump out of my skin at the sound of a car horn to someone who stands in front of a 12 piece drum kit and 3 guitars and plays loud music for 4 hours. Last week I actually negotiated a new car purchase. All proof positive that my CNS is slowly finding its way back to normalcy.

 

I still have plenty of issues, and in fact, I'm in a bit of a wave right now, but its nowhere near as bad as the early days. You're in the thick of it now. You won't stay there, as long as you sit still on one dose and give your nervous system the stability it's craving. You "restarted the clock" with this latest dose change, but don't worry, you will still heal. I reset my own clock four times with dose changes, which no doubt delayed my progress.

 

I'd be willing to bet that if you sit totally still on a dose - be it 5 or 7.5 - for 2 months, you will be able to look back and see the same kind of improvement and will be well on your way to stabilization.

 

I can tell by the way you express yourself that you are a very strong and intelligent woman. I know you don't feel it right now, but you will get through this - we all will. Many others have, and there's no reason to believe we are any different.

 

Keep your chin up, listen to your body, and above all - keep your dose stable. Strong, intelligent people like you tend to want to be proactive and "do something" to fix problems. I had to learn the hard way that being patient, holding your dose and waiting for stability actually is "doing sonething." Patience, holding and waiting are not things we would normally associate with proactivity. But in this case, "normal" just doesn't apply. As Chessie Cat says, keep it simple, slow and steady. You're going to be okay.

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Bless you again so much @Dejavu

 

I am just getting ready for bed and my mind was already on the morning that awaits.  My husband is out and my daughter had stomach ache.  It sent my anxiety through the roof.  You have helped me calm down and I can’t express how much I appreciate your message.  Right now there is no respite and I know you will understand this. I know you are in a wave right now, but I am sure it will be gone in no time since you’re getting stronger and stronger. 

 

Bless you for everything you have said before I try to go to sleep! 

 

Sleep well and heal well.  Sending you hugs. 

R xxxxxxxxxx

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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3 hours ago, intothewoods said:

Remember, the higher dose of meds we take, the longer these symptoms will drag out as we withdraw. Once we destabilize, we can never "go back" -- no matter what the professionals say.

 

Hi again Rachel,

 

Just want to clarify what I said earlier. I meant that once we destabilize, we can never go back to the exact place we were before we lowered or stopped the drug. I know you know this but in our fragile states, it's best to clarify because there is no question you can and will stabilize in the way that @Dejavu did. Her recovery is amazing and I hope to hear her play music one day. 

 

You do sound better and that makes my heart happy. As I said a couple of days ago, I've been pulling for you and concerned. We are a big family on SA. @Sassenachand @Dejavu are true friends to you. 

 

Take Care,

 

Catherine 💙

 

* Fluoxetine: 40 mg 1999-2012; 60 mg 2012-March 2019;  45.2 mg at present.

* Provigil: 25-100 mg PRN 2005 to mid-2015; 200-300 mg mid-2015 to early 2016; tapered from 300 mg in early 2016 to 100 mg early 2017; tapered from 100 mg early 2017 to 33 mg June 15, 2019;  8.9 mg at present.

* Amitriptyline: 10-15 mg 2002-2013; 25 mg 2014 to December 5, 2018; December 15, 2018 converted to water suspension and tapered to 16.5 mg at present

* Diazepam: 5 mg at night 2002-present

 Supplements: Iron for anemia

Recent tapering timeline:

2019:  Fluoxetine 60 mg        Provigil 33.5 mg      Amitriptyline 25 mg   Diazepam 5 mg

2022:          45.2 mg                      8.9 mg                     16.5 mg                        5 mg

Back Story: From 2012 thru early 2017, relocated and cycled through over 20 primary and psych docs (supposedly for severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) who prescribed two dozen different psych meds in search of the "perfect therapeutic combo." Took most for only a few days, some for a week. Included Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Lexapro, Seroquel, Lamictal, Klonopin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Belsomra, Tramadol, Librium, Halcyon, Remeron and -- the last straw, Trintellix. Began in early 2016 when it was still called Brintellix (Pharma's attempt to combine the words "brilliance" and "intelligence" in a pill name), became unable to eat or sleep, lost 25 lbs and the ability to speak. Slowly tapered myself back to Prozac by 2017 but was unable to stop akathisia, cortisol mornings and kindling which continue, actively, through present.

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  • Mentor
6 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

I hope everyone has had a good day and things are looking up. 

 

I tried going out today to meet some friends.  I just cannot talk to or be around people. The anhedonia, flatness and disconnection are awful.  I cannot look at people and I just burn with panic when normal conversation is going on around me.  It just doesn’t mean anything to me.   I never had this before, just more pure anxiety.  The crying is still constant.  I can only essentially function with my mother or husband nearby if I am out of the house. 

 

I hope everyone else is doing much better and feeling hopeful and positive.  Bless you all. Keep healing. 

 

R xxxxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Rachel,

 

I hope you had a good night.

 

Sorry you had a difficult time being out with friends. Don’t give yourself a hard time for being as you are, it’s quite normal to feel like that during wd. 

 

I hope everything goes well today.

 

R

 = medication taken now

2007 quetiapine to March 2019 200mg

2019 quetiapine March to present 225mg 

2007 citalopram to present 40mg 
2018 March Abilify 5mg  
2019 Abilify February rapid taper over 3 weeks from 5mg to off

2019 March Clonazepam as required, taken very occasionally, then taken 0.5mg for 2 days 28th and 29th March, now phased out

2019 1st April reinstated Abilify 0.5mg / day 

2018 to 2020 Liquid B12 2g twice daily (diagnosed B12 deficiency) 

2020 July reduced quetiapine to 200mg

2022 October began taper of Abilify
 

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