EternalEmbrace: no psychiatrist cooperation - I need to wean off my medications by myself

[Shep]

6 hours ago, EternalEmbrace said:

I was hoping you could answer one question of mine, out of curiosity: If I somehow decided to quit the medications I'm taking all at once, how big the seizure risk would be?

 

There's no way of knowing this. If you have a seizure disorder and that's why you're taking anticonvulsants, then it would be very high. If you're prone to seizures due to other factors, it could also be high. 

 

It's never recommended to go cold taper or rapid taper off any psychiatric drug. Seizures are only one potential risk. There are many others and it can take years to recover. 

[EternalEmbrace]

Hi. I know it's been a long time, and thought it would be time for an update.

At May 2019 I managed to quit all my remaining psychiatric medications cold turkey without any noticeable side effects.

Then I embarked on a journey of psychedelics, and from then I started to go on a craze after stimulants especially cocaine/ritalin/crack, and also opiates. Which landed me on a psych-ward for 19 days between December 2019 and January 2020 (NYE was spent there).

I don't want to ever go back to such a place again, so, last month, I re-joined N.A. (narcotics anonymous). I don't know if I will keep attending the meetings, but I want to be as far away as I can from hard drugs.

As of today, I'm back to taking one psych med, the only one for my anger problems which haven't caused massive side-effects (so far at least), which is sodhium divalproate (plus flunitrazepam for sleep). I'm far from heavy drugs. Detoxing from opiates until May of this year since I abused them a lot in 2020 and also needed them a lot for pain (injuries, such as cracked ribcage). And that's it.

I guessed I needed to update my situation here since you guys dedicated your efforts to help me.

I guess that's it...

 

[Shep]

20 hours ago, EternalEmbrace said:

At May 2019 I managed to quit all my remaining psychiatric medications cold turkey without any noticeable side effects.

Then I embarked on a journey of psychedelics, and from then I started to go on a craze after stimulants especially cocaine/ritalin/crack, and also opiates.

 

Thanks for the update, Eternalembrace. It's possible that going off psychiatric drugs cold turkey set you up for this journey of psychedelics. It made you more vulnerable. There's some evidence that some psychiatric drugs (and their withdrawal) can cause cravings for other drugs and alcohol. 

 

If this is the case, you'll want to be extra cautious when and if you decide to taper your current psychiatric drugs. 

 

 

20 hours ago, EternalEmbrace said:

As of today, I'm back to taking one psych med, the only one for my anger problems which haven't caused massive side-effects (so far at least), which is sodhium divalproate (plus flunitrazepam for sleep). I'm far from heavy drugs.

 

Flunitrazepam is Rohypnol, which is a rather hardcore psychiatric drug and a powerful hypnotic that should only be used short term. So I wouldn't look at legally prescribed psychotropics as something inherently safe. 

 

Quote

 

Current:

Sodhium Divalproate (1g from December 2020)
Flunitrazepam (2mg from January 2021)
(soon to begin again) Ketamine treatment for suicidal ideation

 

 

This is from your signature. We don't recommend ketamine treatment. You're likely dealing with the fallout of your experimentations with psychedics, stimulants, opiates, etc. You also may be getting side effects from the flunitrazepam, which is a central nervous system depressant. 

 

You'll have to decide if you wish to continue to torture your already damaged nervous system with even more chemical violence or learn some non-drug coping skills and practice the art of distraction to get you through the dark days of withdrawal and recovery. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

 

[EternalEmbrace]

29 minutes ago, Shep said:

This is from your signature. We don't recommend ketamine treatment. You're likely dealing with the fallout of your experimentations with psychedics, stimulants, opiates, etc. You also may be getting side effects from the flunitrazepam, which is a central nervous system depressant. 

 

You'll have to decide if you wish to continue to torture your already damaged nervous system with even more chemical violence or learn some non-drug coping skills and practice the art of distraction to get you through the dark days of withdrawal and recovery. 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

 

Thank you for the answer, Shep. The ketamine was prescribed for me by the psychiatrist who sees me since 2014. I'm at rock bottom at the moment. Really the saddest moment of my life, and I think about suicide every day. Since I have tried many other kinds of treatments over 10 years (psychotherapy is completely out of question for me, firstly because I don't have the money and second because suffered several abuses from the last two psychologists... actually from the last 3! so I wouldn't pay for a new one even if I had: most psychologists here are very poor in skill and empathy), , and last year the ketamine managed to push the suicidal thoughts away for at least 6 months, it truly is my only option right now as I'm one step away from jumping from a 30-store building.

Oh, I forgot to mention that i'm not even on the middle of my opioid taper right now, I started from 60mg methadone and now am at 40mg... It will take some more months to finish it.

I know about the abuse on the central nervous system, the psychiatrist even said that it's not recommended to mix ketamine with opiates, then I'm still thinking about what to do since I don't have the money for another appointment this month. Maybe refrain from using methadone on the ketamine days... I hope it will not mess me up that much, because ketamine at least binds with the kappa opioid receptor so it's not 'completely nothing'.

Thanks again.

[EternalEmbrace]

Double post, sorry.

[Shep]

1 hour ago, EternalEmbrace said:

psychotherapy is completely out of question for me, firstly because I don't have the money and second because suffered several abuses from the last two psychologists... actually from the last 3! so I wouldn't pay for a new one even if I had: most psychologists here are very poor in skill and empathy)

 

I didn't mention getting therapy. The links I posted are for resources available for free on the web. Also, that non-drug coping section I linked to contains many SA articles written by and for survivors of these drugs. Many members have found psychologists to be harmful. I view most psychologists and therapists to be psychiatry's hall monitors. If they can't help you, they send you right over to psychiatry so you end up drugged and harmed. We value survivor stories more than the so-called "experts." 

 

Finding a really good therapist is like finding a unicorn. It's possible, but rare and the system is very difficult for most of us to handle while going through withdrawal. We highly recommend the resources that the moderators link because we find they work for those who put them into practice. 

 

However, once you know the type of non-drug coping skills you like, you may be able to find a therapist who specializes in learning this skill. There are trauma-informed, mindfulness-based therapists that may be helpful in learning mindfulness, for example, if you find that too difficult - or too isolating - to learn on your own. There's nothing wrong with seeking out what you're looking for. The problem is expecting other people to solve our pain when we haven't yet learned to name it. This is a process that comes in time. 

 

 

1 hour ago, EternalEmbrace said:

and last year the ketamine managed to push the suicidal thoughts away for at least 6 months, it truly is my only option right now as I'm one step away from jumping from a 30-store building.

 

Unless I'm mis-reading what you wrote (and please feel free to correct me), it looks like you were massively drugged last year. And you still are taking some powerful drugs. I've added opiates to your signature, as you're still in the process of coming off. 

 

Whether or not it was the ketamine on its own that gave you this effect or whether it was some sort of combination or possibly a lessening of some of the withdrawal from your previous withdrawals, is all unknown. 

 

And since you're now on an opiate, along with other psych drugs, including a powerful hypnotic, whether or not it will be helpful is again, an unknown. 

 

 

1 hour ago, EternalEmbrace said:

I know about the abuse on the central nervous system, the psychiatrist even said that it's not recommended to mix ketamine with opiates, then I'm still thinking about what to do since I don't have the money for another appointment this month. Maybe refrain from using methadone on the ketamine days... I hope it will not mess me up that much, because ketamine at least binds with the kappa opioid receptor so it's not 'completely nothing'.

 

"Experiencing" the abuse on the central nervous system is different than "knowing" about it. This is beyond what we'll be able to help you with here on SA. You're wanting to in essence, set up a new drug cocktail and experiment with dosing. 

 

What you're advocating for is extremely dangerous and not advised at all. 

 

Please work with your doctor. I really wish you well, eternal, but without any interest in learning how to cope without drugs, you're heading into a lifetime of psychiatric drugging and possibly losing your freedom to the mental "health" system. 

[EternalEmbrace]

@Shep, I think you may have misread the years.

I was massively insane and drugged up (ending in a psych-ward) in 2019, not 2020.

2020 it was mostly opiates, although some earlier abuse in the first half of the year too.

But the heavy opiate dosages in late 2020 were mostly for pain from the suicide attempt I mentioned, when I cracked or broke my ribs.

I really don't think I'm 'working against myself' since I'm not using any recreational drugs anymore. The opiates I'm using are from a taper schedule approved by my doctor, which will probably end in May.

And the ketamine was also prescribed by him, for my heavy depression with suicidal thoughts and ideation.

So I don't think I'm working against myself.

I know how to meditate. I even know many kinds of meditation. I just don't have the energy. I only think about dying, and ketamine was the only thing which helped me (prescribed and not illegal).

And I also went back to N.A. in december 2020.

So, no, I'm not working against myself. I'm just feeling suicidal. If I have the energy I will read the articles. But being warned that my behavior here is somehow 'wrong' and, if I repeat it again 3 times I will be banned, did nothing at all to help me. I came here to give an update and felt badly mistreated with that 'warning'. So maybe it was just a bad idea.

That's it.

P.S.: I completely agree with your view on psychologists. It was one who was working to get me to the psych-ward in 2019 when she felt she couldn't do enough. Behind my back.

P.S. 2: The note in the warning mentioned me 'in a journey of psychedelics wanting to add ketamine into the mix', well clearly this was misread. It was in 2019 and not 2020, and the ketamine was prescribed in the later part of 2020 for me. And now again. How can I be on a journey of psychedelics being on Narcotics Anonymous? It does'nt make sense. Please acknowledge your mistake/misreading of my initial post.

[EternalEmbrace]

I just want to clarify a couple more things...

I came here today just wanting to let the forum know what happened to me, and then jump to other sessions to chat about spirituality and stuff. Not actually to ask for help in this thread. It was just as I said, an update and nothing more.

And as for the ketamine, it still isn't available on pharmacies where I live, only on a very, very expensive clinic. So my psychiatrist said that there was no problem that I bought from a veterinary. He sent a nurse to my home and I learned how to inject subcutaneously in the belly. And from then on I did the job myself.

And another thing which may sound weird for U.S. people where those things are more strictly controlled, is that I talk to him online a lot and he sends his personal driver to deliver prescriptions for me. It's rare that I go there personally now, because my financial situation in the pandemic has gone down the hill.

And one last clarification: there are some vet shops which don't ask for prescriptions here. My mother is friends with a farm-owner,who happens to know this vet shop, and explained to him my suicidal situation in a truly desperate way . That's exactly how I acquired it.

[Shep]

48 minutes ago, EternalEmbrace said:

P.S. 2: The note in the warning mentioned me 'in a journey of psychedelics wanting to add ketamine into the mix', well clearly this was misread. It was in 2019 and not 2020, and the ketamine was prescribed in the later part of 2020 for me. And now again. How can I be on a journey of psychedelics being on Narcotics Anonymous? It does'nt make sense. Please acknowledge your mistake/misreading of my initial post.

 

 

The part of the warning where I mentioned the psychedelics is this: 

 

Going off drugs requires that you focus on taking care of yourself. You are working against yourself by doing things that create unpleasant symptoms, such as taking psychedelics and other psychotropic drugs in excess, and now, wanting to bring ketamine into the equation to "fix" withdrawal symptoms. 

 

So I understood that the psychedelics pre-dated the ketamine. Also, it was your own wording of "journey of psychedelics" that I was referring to in one of my earlier posts (from your post here). 

 

While you may not still be on a "journey of psychedelics" while being in NA, it doesn't mean you haven't stopped looking for a chemical fix. 

 

48 minutes ago, EternalEmbrace said:

So, no, I'm not working against myself. I'm just feeling suicidal. If I have the energy I will read the articles. But being warned that my behavior here is somehow 'wrong' and, if I repeat it again 3 times I will be banned, did nothing at all to help me. I came here to give an update and felt badly mistreated with that 'warning'. So maybe it was just a bad idea.

 

The warning wasn't just about helping you. It's also about keeping the staff from taking up time or worse, burning out, working with members who are doing things that are harming them and things that run counter to what's being advised here. 

 

Like I wrote in the warning, this is a site for coming off psychiatric drugs. But you have to be ready for that. We can't do the work to get you to that point. 

 

So yes, it was a bad idea. There are other sites dedicated to people who wish to use psychiatric drugs. We're a very small staff with a large membership. Please don't expect us to adjust our policies to suit your path.

 

Edited January 17, 2021 by Shep
fixed typo

[EternalEmbrace]

I didn't know that taking any drug wasn't allowed here. Gone from this website, it made my situation worse.

No need to reply as I'm not coming back here.