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AlexRussia: polydrugged in Russia

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Altostrata

Is it still hot at night? Is there still a lot of noise early in the morning?

 

What time are you going to bed?

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Madeleine

Alex:  You will get better. Your sleep will get better in time.  Try not to worry about it.  Just have faith you will get better.  I went through what you did... I had horrible insomnia... and I got better and went away.  It is temporary.   It improves.  Truly. It's just a temporary phase and your sleep will be restored. While you are going through it, it feels awful, yes, but you will be okay eventually. Truly.  Have faith in that. You will get better; your sleep will get better. 

When you worry about it, your nervous system just gets agitated, and your body goes into a fight and flight mechanism, and that increases anxiety and makes it even harder to sleep.

 

Accept that your sleep is not great now.  Accept that it will take a while to get your sleep back, and when you can't sleep, just try to mediate, calm yourself and lie and try to rest.  Even just lying and resting restores your body. Of course sleeping is better, but resting is still good too..

 It sounds that you are not that old.  You will not get physically sick from the insomnia.  People have jobs that keep them up and they don't have good sleep for many days and weeks and months.  Some women have babies for months who don't sleep well and they are up many times a night. It won't hurt your physically, you will just be tired.

 

Just for now, accept sleep is not perfect you might be tired... but just live in the moment when you are lying in bed and resting.  Say to yourself: "If I fall asleep, good, if I don't, I will be okay too." -- and eventually everything will improve. "

 Truly, you will get your sleep back!  I had months when I could not sleep and was pacing and it was horrible. But, it got better.  I have seen so many people on this forum whose sleep improved too. And, I can see now that worrying made it worse. Try not to worry.  Tell yourself you will get better -- you will get better!   Don't fight against the insomnia... just accept, and have faith that it will improve in time. 

Best wishes,



 

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AlexRussia

Thanks everybody for kind words and advices.   I managed to overcome my fear of insomnia and  get some unrestful sleep for two days. .  Now problem is very low sleep drive . I want to share with you how i managed to overcome extreme fear of sleeping/insomnia.  I hope it will help somebody .  Our phobias are reflexes. Every time we fear our reflex become stronger but there is a way to broke circuit very fast. Strong negative associations cant coexist with strong positive. So every time my subconcious starts thinking about bed and associated fear i start doing breathing 4-7-8 or 5-5-5 exercise, start smiling then image how i loved to sleep when i was a child. How i loved sense of falling to dreams.I literally produce love feeling to bed and pillow. It worked.  But then i encountered low sleep drive and my skin significantrly more red then usual. Right now i am  working at home as a gamedev on indie project. I noticed that everytime i focus on monitor my skin become red, scars become violet.  And my skin tone usually associated with sleep and anxiety.  more redness means less sleep and otherwise.  I use blue light filter. After 3-4 pm i stopped working and i dont use any devices until next day. i like My job and it is not stressfull at all. So why pc affect my skin tone and possibly sleep? Btw i am trying low carb diet and realised that almost evetything low carb  that i can buy here in Russia usually contain good amount of glutamate. What is better diet for sleep? Keto or low msg?

 

 

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RichT
1 hour ago, AlexRussia said:

Thanks everybody for kind words and advices.   I managed to overcome my fear of insomnia and  get some unrestful sleep for two days. .  Now problem is very low sleep drive . I want to share with you how i managed to overcome extreme fear of sleeping/insomnia.  I hope it will help somebody .  Our phobias are reflexes. Every time we fear our reflex become stronger but there is a way to broke circuit very fast. Strong negative associations cant coexist with strong positive. So every time my subconcious starts thinking about bed and associated fear i start doing breathing 4-7-8 or 5-5-5 exercise, start smiling then image how i loved to sleep when i was a child. How i loved sense of falling to dreams.I literally produce love feeling to bed and pillow. It worked.  But then i encountered low sleep drive and my skin significantrly more red then usual. Right now i am  working at home as a gamedev on indie project. I noticed that everytime i focus on monitor my skin become red, scars become violet.  And my skin tone usually associated with sleep and anxiety.  more redness means less sleep and otherwise.  I use blue light filter. After 3-4 pm i stopped working and i dont use any devices until next day. i like My job and it is not stressfull at all. So why pc affect my skin tone and possibly sleep? Btw i am trying low carb diet and realised that almost evetything low carb  that i can buy here in Russia usually contain good amount of glutamate. What is better diet for sleep? Keto or low msg?

 

 

 

Hi Alex, great news that you got some sleep through your positive thinking techniques.

 

I have no medical expertise, but I’m guessing that your increased redness may be due to increased blood flow in your skin. Perhaps this comes about when you concentrate hard on your work -  even if it does not feel stressful, you are making a lot of mental effort (I was a developer for quite a lot of my career btw!)

 

warmest wishes,

 

Rich

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AlexRussia
6 hours ago, RichT said:

 

Hi Alex, great news that you got some sleep through your positive thinking techniques.

 

I have no medical expertise, but I’m guessing that your increased redness may be due to increased blood flow in your skin. Perhaps this comes about when you concentrate hard on your work -  even if it does not feel stressful, you are making a lot of mental effort (I was a developer for quite a lot of my career btw!)

 

warmest wishes,

 

Rich

thanks Rich. I noticed that worsening of my symptoms started right after i started using pc again. Just sitting in front of it makes me feel agitated. All my acute Wd i didnt use pc. Somehow i dont have redness from smatphone even after watching movies on it. And after few weeks using pc i look like tomato ))) From today i decided to take a brake from pc and see if my insomnia get better

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AlexRussia

Still suffering from terrible insomnia (2-3 hours of sleep)  Finally yesterday i was so sleepy so went to bed at 11pm but was awakened by extremely loud barkins of neighbours dog at 1am.  I have been suffering more then 10 years becouse of loud 45 my mothers cats (now 28) , drunk street gopniks, which i fought several times at night , now that dog and w/d . I called my neighbours instanty ,they blocked the call, so i went outside and started knocking their 5 meter tall metal door leading to their garden. Finally they called me back and said that  they dont give a.... about dog and they have called police. I knew that police never shows up in our neibrhood so i continued punching the door. After 30 mintes of heavy knocking they finally came outside and locked the barking dog inside the house.  I returned to bed but wasnt able to fall asleep.. 

Besides terrible insomnia a have burning  palms.  Headache, neck pain(always have problems with neck)

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Altostrata

That doesn't sound like a good sleep situation, Alex. Can you use earplugs to block out all the noise?

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AlexRussia
14 hours ago, Altostrata said:

That doesn't sound like a good sleep situation, Alex. Can you use earplugs to block out all the noise?

I tried several times, last time  my ears started to burn. Its not an allergy. My skin usually burn  if get anything in touch with it for a long time. I have found new cbt specialist and have an appointment tomorrow. And i am constructing new cooling system for my bedroom, am trying to use plastic tubes to deliver cold air from my loud mobile air conditioner to my bedroom from another room .If i succeed i will be able to sleep with closed windows. 

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AlexRussia

i have isolated my room from sound and light. Still cant sleep more the 2-3 hours. And my quality of sleep rapidly deteroating. i wake up every hour - 15 minutes shaking , burning with terrible heart palpation. Am afraid i wont be able to sleep in near future

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AlexRussia

Have attended two specialistas today, one cbt spec, second one sleep spec.  I was diagnised ptsd and wd related insomnia.  Mentally feeling very bad..I am not sure if it withdrawal anymore or i just cant stop thinking about my sleep. Every evening terrorize me, i want to totally erase my memory and thus my fears. Today i was running in the forest tgen doing push ups.  Still have a lot of energy.  .  And i am going to run again in the evening until my heart stop beating.   I dont want belive that i am in withdrawal anymore,    I have remebered that many years ago i took paxil for several weeks and got mild wd becouse i didnt know that wd exist.  I think all my restrictions now affect my mental health 100 times more then actually wd. Cant stop being anxious about anything related to sleep. i suppose in few days  i become manic and will be hospitalised

 

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AlexRussia

Ok, i did running yesterday, didnt sleep at night, took doxylamine to get some sleep in the morning. Now i see i started feeling progressively worse after i bought bike and started doing physical activity. I tried every king of physical activity (walking, cycling, running, driving) no windows/waves, i just feel worse after any physical activity. But if i dont do any activity for few days i become paranoid , angry, cant sit in one place. Now my sleep worse then in the beginning of withdrawal. I could not sleep at all without aids. Great!! Damn u grandma who gave me phenazepam years ago. Damn u doctors.  

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RichT

hi Alex,

 

It looks like you feel you’re in a no-win situation with exercise. I don’t know what to suggest really - maybe limiting yourself to gentle exercise might be enough to burn off some of the negative feelings. Is there a green space near where you live? I find that being in that kind of place calms me down a lot.

 

warmest wishes,

 

Rich

 

 

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AlexRussia
16 hours ago, RichT said:

hi Alex,

 

It looks like you feel you’re in a no-win situation with exercise. I don’t know what to suggest really - maybe limiting yourself to gentle exercise might be enough to burn off some of the negative feelings. Is there a green space near where you live? I find that being in that kind of place calms me down a lot.

 

warmest wishes,

 

Rich

 

 

It seems fron now i will not be able exercise  for some period. Just got i ln my first real wave. Shaking badly,  Lying in bed, Whole body vibrating and etc..At least no heart palpations. Will try to focus on my work.  Right now i am develiping ai for game. And thx Rich, it seem, i wanted like u post a lot in other people themes and support them but shy about my english

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AlexRussia

Almost completely lose ability to sleep. Constantly shaking like parkinsons. Never feel tired. I think i am going to die soon

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RichT

Hi Alex,

 

I can relate to not feeling tired with insomnia. That’s how I felt, in spite of knowing I must be exhausted underneath. Don’t worry, insomnia won’t kill you, even if you’re feeling very ill. Hang on in there, it will eventually go.

 

warmest wishes,

 

Rich

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AlexRussia

 Update.  This time i refused to leave house for few days. Got into argument with all my relatives becouse i refused to go to shop or do anything in the house. I locked myself in my room in my own house to get rid of relatives and few days later i started sleeping again, shaking almost gone. 

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RichT
13 hours ago, AlexRussia said:

 Update.  This time i refused to leave house for few days. Got into argument with all my relatives becouse i refused to go to shop or do anything in the house. I locked myself in my room in my own house to get rid of relatives and few days later i started sleeping again, shaking almost gone. 

 

Wow, that’s quite a result! I hope it continues.

 

WARMEST WISHES,

 

Rich

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AlexRussia

main question . how to contine sleep 3 hours a day and work  8 hours a day without losing productivity..... and i am on low carbs diet now, carbs definetly makes me feel bad. Realy want to try flumazenil and ketamine single injections. 

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AlexRussia

Cbt-i failed again, so no more tries.  ketodiet failed, so started eating fruits again and feel better. Checked for lyme, b12, d3 , insulin, sugar.  All is fine except d3 , lower then normal, but not very much. Main symptom still maintance insomnia, vivid dreams.  Other symptoms are tolerable. Ok, so here is the plan. Forget about any physical activity until 2020.   No sports at all, only shopping when needed. Still not sure about work, i am absolutely sure that computer makes me less sleepy at night even if i work in the morning. .it was plan A called "time"  . Plan B . Ketamine infusion in Europe. Plan C. Flumazenil infusion in Russia by myself.   Plac. D internazal mesechymal stem cells in Belarus.  

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India
On 5/18/2019 at 7:36 AM, AlexRussia said:

thank u very much for kind words. After all i got through I dont trust any doctors and i dont believe in pills anymore.  I hope that the time will heal me.   

Amen

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India
On 7/3/2019 at 2:04 AM, AlexRussia said:

main question . how to contine sleep 3 hours a day and work  8 hours a day without losing productivity..... and i am on low carbs diet now, carbs definetly makes me feel bad. Realy want to try flumazenil and ketamine single injections. 

Magnesium salt baths? 

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RichT
7 hours ago, AlexRussia said:

Cbt-i failed again, so no more tries.  ketodiet failed, so started eating fruits again and feel better. Checked for lyme, b12, d3 , insulin, sugar.  All is fine except d3 , lower then normal, but not very much. Main symptom still maintance insomnia, vivid dreams.  Other symptoms are tolerable. Ok, so here is the plan. Forget about any physical activity until 2020.   No sports at all, only shopping when needed. Still not sure about work, i am absolutely sure that computer makes me less sleepy at night even if i work in the morning. .it was plan A called "time"  . Plan B . Ketamine infusion in Europe. Plan C. Flumazenil infusion in Russia by myself.   Plac. D internazal mesechymal stem cells in Belarus.  

 

Hi Alex,

 

self-infusion of Flumazenil would be extremely dangerous. Please don’t try that.  

 

R

 

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AlexRussia
19 hours ago, India said:

Magnesium salt baths? 

didnt try. have exremely negative experience when ct of 200mg magnesium after very short term use. 

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AlexRussia
16 hours ago, RichT said:

 

Hi Alex,

 

self-infusion of Flumazenil would be extremely dangerous. Please don’t try that.  

 

R

 

yeah i know, but i i am 80  percent sure that most damade was caused by benzo . I have remembered so many after my first post. I am having right now same symptoms i have before ssri and other stuff. Honestly ssri withdrawal symptoms like nauses , zaps feelings passed long time, btw i was on 5mg, and i was on paxil long time ago 10 mg, and ct after few weeks without big problems.  And i remebered how i was on low doses of magnesium (nmda antagonist) lavander(nmda antagonist), motherwort ( gaba antagonist) right after i dropped mirtazapine  And on that combination i was sleeping for 5-7 hours of good sleep ..becouse  But when my doc at that time said that its placebo i dropped magnesium and other stuff. Since next day got 5 days of no sleep. Then i started seroquel and depakote.Depakote(valproate) ruined my gaba receptors again. Right now i know a whole bunch od people here in Russia who had severe insomnia  after use of phenazepam (my two neighbours,my grandpa, grandma)  , 

Interstingly for many of them extreme insomnia is the only severe withdrawal symptom.Phenapam active metabolites have very long t1/2  (7-10 days) So if u take it every day, extreme concentration builds up in bloid and brain, of course gaba adapts by downregulation of receptors, and glutamate upregulations. Thats why magnesium and lavender was so effective .  Flumazenil in theory could reverse damage caused by heavy use of benzo.

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Shep
2 hours ago, AlexRussia said:

Flumazenil in theory could reverse damage caused by heavy use of benzo.

 

Yes, your are correct - in theory. However, it is very risky and many people have severe setbacks. 

 

Flumazenil is touted as a fast cure for benzo withdrawal, however, the various benzo forums are full of people who came out of that treatment severely injured and had to reinstate (and many times, are prescribed other drugs such as gabapentin, Lyrica, and / or antidepressants and antipsychotics). Basically, Flumazenil treatment is a form of cold turkey in which Flumazenil may or may not alleviate withdrawal. 

 

There's a good article that was researched and posted over on Benzo Buddies. If you haven't already come across it, you may want to have a read:

 

FLUMAZENIL AND BENZO WITHDRAWAL

 

A slow and careful taper is the best advice we can give, bringing in as many non-drug coping skills and as much self-care as possible. 

 

It sounds like you went cold turkey on a number of supplements. Supplements also should be tapered. Perhaps reinstate a small dose of magnesium and see how you do. Please only re-introduce one supplement at a time and check to make sure there aren't any conflicts with your drugs. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.

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AlexRussia
11 hours ago, Shep said:

 

Yes, your are correct - in theory. However, it is very risky and many people have severe setbacks. 

 

Flumazenil is touted as a fast cure for benzo withdrawal, however, the various benzo forums are full of people who came out of that treatment severely injured and had to reinstate (and many times, are prescribed other drugs such as gabapentin, Lyrica, and / or antidepressants and antipsychotics). Basically, Flumazenil treatment is a form of cold turkey in which Flumazenil may or may not alleviate withdrawal. 

 

There's a good article that was researched and posted over on Benzo Buddies. If you haven't already come across it, you may want to have a read:

 

FLUMAZENIL AND BENZO WITHDRAWAL

 

A slow and careful taper is the best advice we can give, bringing in as many non-drug coping skills and as much self-care as possible. 

 

It sounds like you went cold turkey on a number of supplements. Supplements also should be tapered. Perhaps reinstate a small dose of magnesium and see how you do. Please only re-introduce one supplement at a time and check to make sure there aren't any conflicts with your drugs. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.

I didnt find any bad reviews of flumazenil among prople who are in paws. either it works or not.  Of course there could be setbacks if somebody get infusion while on benzos becouse its like cold tyrkey, even seizures coukd occur but its not my case.  if u know anybofy who got setback after flumazenil while in paws and not on any drugs pls tell me. btw i can buy dose just for 100$ . + 30$  for fake blank and 50$ for nurse servise.  +10$ for eqipment. , in total 190$ in russia compsring to 6000-7000$ in US. 

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Stormstrong

Hi Alex, привет. I'm really glad you found this site. Much hell you've been through. I did not know that Russia is like this, too. I'm also Russian but have not lived there for a long time, so I've no idea how most things are over there now. This is devastating to learn. I'll be following your thread here, and hopefully offer support at times. Hugs from an internet stranger. Hang in there

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AlexRussia
1 hour ago, Stormstrong said:

Hi Alex, привет. I'm really glad you found this site. Much hell you've been through. I did not know that Russia is like this, too. I'm also Russian but have not lived there for a long time, so I've no idea how most things are over there now. This is devastating to learn. I'll be following your thread here, and hopefully offer support at times. Hugs from an internet stranger. Hang in there

привет, nice to.meet u. big thanks.  Its very umcomfortable here in Russia these times. Everything getting worse since 2014. Gap between rich and others reached insane level. Daily tv propaganda now more and more looks like north koreans . Many people believe that "iron curtain" 2.0 is imminient. 

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AlexRussia

Slept solid 5 hours today without awakenings, was really happy and then my annoying stupid selfish but very close relatives got me involved in some bad **** with police and neighbours and its still going while i writing the post . I hope i wont  mess my ns so much,l,but not sure. 

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AlexRussia

Ok. I am in epicenter of full blown conflict, GREAT!!!! …..JUST GREAT!! Already feeling like ****...….. My property has been damaged too....Now I have no choice but take action again neighbours

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AlexRussia

Havent slept for two days. Tired sick and angry. Since my last post multiple fist fights occurred between my neighbours and relatives and  a lot of death threats of course. Surprisingly no one got seriously injured.  Today I came to neighbours house and listened to their version of story ,  successfully reconciled with neighbours and then asked to do the same my relatives and stop this stupid conflict. Immediately got blamed of all mortal sins.  So I have less relatives now and I am happy.

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Kostas
2 hours ago, AlexRussia said:

Havent slept for two days. Tired sick and angry. Since my last post multiple fist fights occurred between my neighbours and relatives and  a lot of death threats of course. Surprisingly no one got seriously injured.  Today I came to neighbours house and listened to their version of story ,  successfully reconciled with neighbours and then asked to do the same my relatives and stop this stupid conflict. Immediately got blamed of all mortal sins.  So I have less relatives now and I am happy.

Best action Alex. 

The least number of annoying persons  present, the best for you! 

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AlexRussia
15 hours ago, Kostas said:

Best action Alex. 

The least number of annoying persons  present, the best for you! 

Yeah, thanks. Now my goal is to sleep more then 1 hour in a row)))))

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AlexRussia

Just have remembered the whole week of my life . Another forgotten period of time came back as flashback this morning. This time the whole week. Between courses of drugs I got flu and got prescribed antibiotic cifran (ciprofloxacin). After 5 of use days I stopped sleeping completely onece again . Now I know that according to multiple researches cifran and some other antibiotics damage gaba receptors. I did cifran a lot of times before benzo and had no adverse reaction.  The only explanation of this is my gaba receptors were severely downregulated by phenazepam before cifran .  Now I I am absolutely sure that my insomnia mostly benzo  related. And I have one thing in mind. I eat meat a lot , almost everyday.  Meat full of antibiotics....   

 

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AlexRussia

This is Insane. My friend from  Georgia who live and work here in Russia came this morning crying and asked for 3000$ .  At night he was at train when 12-15 teenagers came to him called him "churka"( its like being called N-word in US). Then asked him all his money or they kill him . He fought back and run away but was caught by police who surprisingly were waiting in next wagon!!!....  Police got him to police station where they robbed him for 300$ (his payment for work) and threatened to depart him back to Gerogia if he say it to anybody. Then parents of one kid arrived and in front of police officer asked for 3000$ because he broke their kids nose (nose of one of the robbers...) He was so scared and agreed and sing papers (like its he attacked teenagers!!!!), then police officer stole his passport and said that he have one day to bring the money.  I didn't have this amount of money and if I had I would not give it to some robbers or corrupted cops so I asked my friend to go with me to "УСБ" (department that check police work)  and i will help.  But he refused scared of being jailed or departed. Stupid decision because now my friend on hook. I am pretty sure that these "parents" are part of police gang and even if he managed to get 3000$ they will want more and more.

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AlexRussia

Just acknowledged that in radius of 100m from my house( i live in country)   i know 5 people who take phenazepam  and cant stop take it....  This week new girl came to russian forum and told the she had lost her sleep while being on phenazepam. This drug is so strong...  About me, stable, bad insomnia still my main symptom, nothing new here.

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