glasspitcher: off Zoloft, escilatopram

[glasspitcher]

I got off 75mg zoloft in about 2 months, had horrible withdrawal and went back on 2 months later on escetalopram. Got off escetalopram over the course of 2-3 months ish... wasnt a 10% taper but also wasn't too fast of a taper either. 6 months drug free and I experience anhedonia, and in those 6 months I had ***** up symptoms, unexplainable anxiety constant hyperarousal etc bunch of ****.

Should I go back on escetalopram maybe? is it too late for me to reinstate?

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @glasspitcher.

 

I moved your post here to start your Introductions topic, where you can ask questions about your particular situation and post updates about your progress.

 

How did you feel when you were on escilatopram? When was the last time you took escilatopram?

[laydefish]

Hi @glasspitcher & Welcome to the group! Sorry to hear your struggling, but hang in there- Laydefish

[brassmonkey]

  18 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Hi Glasspitcher-- We're going to need a lot more information before we can tell you anything. If you would fill out a signature block that would be a good start.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/18343-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

BTW-- SA is all about tapering off of psych drugs.  We are not qualified to make diagnosis of members conditions.  For that you have to work with your doctor, do research and make your own determination.

 

 

I was on Zoloft for 8 months, tapered pretty slow like 3 months of taper, didn't know about the 10% rule. Experienced brain zaps for 3 weeks or whatever. Then went back on escetalopram because I was feeling really sh*tty (dpdr constant anxiety etc). I started the Zoloft though because of DPDR from weed. But the first month of Zoloft was when I noticed I just didnt have motivation anymore and I started to enjoy things I used to enjoy less. Anyway I got off escetalopram pretty slow too, like 2 months from a low dose (5mg). Weird stuff happening through the months, constant feeling of chest tightness, feels like i cannot ever relax, weird moments during the day where I would get anxious for no reason with no anxious thoughts just feelings... and worse of all started to slowly get even more numb and less interested in things the past 2 months. im 6 months off drugs atm.

 

I can't tell cause maybe all of this could be from DPDR. My sister was on escetalopram for 1 year and she got off it with not that much problems, she was the opposite she had too much emotions after stopping it (slow taper but not 10% thing) but after like 6 months her emotions settled back to normal and has not had any side effects or problems since.

 

I just need some hope, its so ******* scary not wanting to do anything just sitting all day. I am scared I will get suicidal. BTW I also have OCD and hypochondria... i mean my hypochondria made me think I had cancer back in the day and even would have pains and stuff happening that would make me think even more it was like my mind was actually trying to simulate the cancer. Maybe that is what is going on? The constant worry and stuff maybe my mind is just simulating the lack of feelings or motivation? It's all so ******* weird and confusing.

 

Okay, so I copied your post from Tao of the Brassmonkey and pasted it here.  This way we can keep all of your information in one place so it is easier to find.

 

It appears that you are 6 months out from a fast taper from 5mg of escetalopram.  That in itself would be causing withdrawal syndrome, which would be all the different symptoms that you're feeling.  Given lots to time your body will heal and those symptoms will fade.  I would suggest reading through this thread https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/17909-are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take/  it contains a lot of information that will be helpful.

 

We really do need a condensed version of your history in a signature.  It will make it a lot easier to be of help.

 

[glasspitcher]

hi. I am only getting worse. The emotional blunting is so bad now... I can feel pleasure like sex and stuff but its all muted and blunted. I am also extremely depressed, very suicidal. What do I do please help me someone.

 

Edited June 11, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[ChessieCat]

 

Hi glasspitcher and welcome from me too,

 

 

On 5/14/2019 at 5:52 AM, brassmonkey said:

We're going to need a lot more information before we can tell you anything. If you would fill out a signature block that would be a good start.

 

 

On 5/14/2019 at 5:52 AM, brassmonkey said:

We really do need a condensed version of your history in a signature.  It will make it a lot easier to be of help.

 

 

As previously requested please create your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

This is your own introductions topic where your can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

[ChessieCat]

Copying this here to keep information in one place.

 

5 hours ago, glasspitcher said:

I too have the emotional numbness, I wish I tapered properly. I was on SSRI though. Is it possible to reinstate after 8 months actually? I just want my feelings back........ I could deal with any withdrawal symptom except this one because life is so pointless without emotions.

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, glasspitcher. What are the symptoms that have improved, what has gotten worse?

[glasspitcher]

5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, glasspitcher. What are the symptoms that have improved, what has gotten worse?

I used to have extreme anxiety for no reason, no mental anxiety just physical for months... possibly akathesia but idk I never felt like pacing or anything. In the first 3 weeks had brain zaps/anger and other weird stuff. the anhedonia crept up and slowly got worse and worse. I got the anhedonia though from when I first started zoloft. DPDR and existential obsessions, but that could have been from my weed induced DPDR. The anxiety thing is gone now I just feel fatigued/relaxed with anhedonia emotional blunting and weird depression, no interest in my old hobbies at all. Sort of... Idk anymore. Like i played video games today but did I enjoy it I can't tell, it just feels like a distraction. My life is so weird now seriously.

[Altostrata]

On 6/11/2019 at 12:35 PM, glasspitcher said:

hi. I am only getting worse. The emotional blunting is so bad now... I can feel pleasure like sex and stuff but its all muted and blunted. I am also extremely depressed, very suicidal. What do I do please help me someone.

 

 

Do you have any other symptoms than emotional anesthesia? How's your sleep?

 

What are the thoughts that cause you to feel "extremely depressed, very suicidal"?

[glasspitcher]

19 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Do you have any other symptoms than emotional anesthesia? How's your sleep?

 

What are the thoughts that cause you to feel "extremely depressed, very suicidal"?

Not really... other than DPDR. In fact I think all of this is from DPDR in the first place. The thoughts that make me feel that way is "I'm never going to return to my old self, this will be forever, I can't handle more of this" etc.

[Altostrata]

Worry over emotional anesthesia is understandable, but it's not going to help and may keep your system from settling down.

 

It would help you to manage that worry and not let it escalate. See

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

[glasspitcher]

5 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Worry over emotional anesthesia is understandable, but it's not going to help and may keep your system from settling down.

 

It would help you to manage that worry and not let it escalate. See

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

True but I actaully don't really feel anxiety anymore either. Today if you look at me from the outside I seem like a happy guy who went about his day and had great time. Inside I am like a clear sky with 0 clouds or anything.. just nothing feel nothing. Not even feel beauty of a clear sky. Nothing helps not even alcohol(tried it just for experiment to see...), I feel the physical effects of alchohol but I don't feel any feelings from it at all like internal relaxing and stuff. let alone meditation and I used to be a spiritual person very much. Music gives me 0 nothing at all just noise... and I used to be a composer! Wow.. the greatest fear in my life was actually losing my emotions and creativity and it happened! God is making my life a funny joke. I also didnt get girlfriend yet and when I finally was about to get one, I have this so I cannot feel it and I probably wont even be able to have sex. Funny joke God ok! I get it haha really funny! now please give me back my emotions.

[Madeleine]

You didn't answer the question about sleep... if you are sleeping okay, that's good.  Personally, I wouldn't use any alcohol if I were you right now, it only ramps up your nervous system....  Read through the links above that glass pitcher provided you with -- as worrying about the future also ramps up your nervous system.... so it's important to try not to worry about the future. Live in the moment. 

Your emotions and all that stuff eventually comes back... it just takes time... Have faith. 

[Altostrata]

19 hours ago, glasspitcher said:

Today if you look at me from the outside I seem like a happy guy who went about his day and had great time. Inside I am like a clear sky with 0 clouds or anything.. just nothing feel nothing.

 

Yes, we understand. Emotional anesthesia is a very common after-effect of antidepressants. A lot of people find the lack of feeling to be very distressing.

 

The reason I gave you those links was so you can use techniques to manage your worrying about the emotional anesthesia. Worry and anxiety about it isn't going to help you recover, it can set you back. You just need to accept recovery will be very slow and get on as best you can. Stop beating yourself up about it. We see a lot of people doing this, and it doesn't help.

 

Faking it until you make it is a legitimate way to get by in this situation. Enjoy what you can, keep exercising the enjoyment muscles even if you're not feeling much. Feeling comes back little by little.

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

You just need to accept recovery will be very slow and get on as best you can.

 

Acceptance

[Mase77]

All I can say is that lexapro has really helped me out of a bad depression and calmed down my anxiety as well. I do want to taper down on my dose but I don't want completely off of it. You might need to try a different med if you decide to go back on medication. It can be a real struggle to find the best medication that works for you. Anyhow,  best of luck to you mate.

[glasspitcher]

17 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Yes, we understand. Emotional anesthesia is a very common after-effect of antidepressants. A lot of people find the lack of feeling to be very distressing.

 

The reason I gave you those links was so you can use techniques to manage your worrying about the emotional anesthesia. Worry and anxiety about it isn't going to help you recover, it can set you back. You just need to accept recovery will be very slow and get on as best you can. Stop beating yourself up about it. We see a lot of people doing this, and it doesn't help.

 

Faking it until you make it is a legitimate way to get by in this situation. Enjoy what you can, keep exercising the enjoyment muscles even if you're not feeling much. Feeling comes back little by little.

 

16 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Acceptance

Does it really come back? That would be great but I never see anyone say so or recovery stories. But yes I don't have any more anxiety because my body don't let me lol which is a good thing I guess cause I have OCD and healthy anxiety and I was constantly worrying a few months ago. I hope the drug didn't permanently change my brain somehow to never feel my feelings like I used to.

 

Also I have a problem with acceptance, I used to be into that spirituality stuff and whatever but now I feel opposite cuz it feels like it failed me. Why should I accept getting ***** by life. If I had no family I would instantly end it and move on and maybe spiritually sue this plane of existence for cruel and unusual pain and suffering before I go on to the next one. Feels like this life is a scam.

[Altostrata]

We have a forum full of Success stories. (There are never enough!)

 

Yes, you are in a rough patch. The only way out is through. It's hard for everyone to do this. This is probably the biggest challenge of your life.

 

16 hours ago, Mase77 said:

All I can say is that lexapro has really helped me out of a bad depression and calmed down my anxiety as well. I do want to taper down on my dose but I don't want completely off of it. You might need to try a different med if you decide to go back on medication. It can be a real struggle to find the best medication that works for you. Anyhow,  best of luck to you mate.

 

@Mase77 glasspitcher appears to be suffering from an adverse effect of the drugs, not like what you were feeling when you chose to go on the drugs.

 

When one is suffering from post-withdrawal emotional anesthesia and no other withdrawal symptoms, it's often best to leave well enough alone and let time take its course in healing.

[glasspitcher]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

We have a forum full of Success stories. (There are never enough!)

 

Yes, you are in a rough patch. The only way out is through. It's hard for everyone to do this. This is probably the biggest challenge of your life.

 

 

@Mase77 glasspitcher appears to be suffering from an adverse effect of the drugs, not like what you were feeling when you chose to go on the drugs.

 

When one is suffering from post-withdrawal emotional anesthesia and no other withdrawal symptoms, it's often best to leave well enough alone and let time take its course in healing.

If you have time can you link me one who recovered from emotional numbness? I dont want to check because it just feeds my checking habit and if I don't find one I will freak out but I wont feel it cuz im numb anyway but yea. I also seem to suffer from a sort of depression but it is probably because of the anhedonia. During the drugs I was def unnaturally depressed (had symptoms and behaviours I never had before for no reason), do you think the depression can be permanent? or chronic? Even in the midst of DPDR before starting the drugs I still had joy and kind of love of things. Now everything sucks and I randomly get a dysphoric feeling through the day for no reason sometimes, even though physically my life is literally perfect for me... the old me at least...

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, glasspitcher said:

If you have time can you link me one who recovered from emotional numbness?

 

Alto and the mods are very busy helping members.  SA is also a very busy site.  There are currently 18 new members awaiting their first response from a moderator.

 

However, other members who have more time and/or know of some and might be able to provide you with links.

[laydefish]

Hi @glasspitcher, this info is from a wonderful site called Inner Compass, they have tons of Withdrawal Info., this link will take you to an article regarding Emotional Blunting, hope it helps!  Hang in there! :https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/symptom/emotional-blunting

 

 

[glasspitcher]

11 hours ago, laydefish said:

Hi @glasspitcher, this info is from a wonderful site called Inner Compass, they have tons of Withdrawal Info., this link will take you to an article regarding Emotional Blunting, hope it helps!  Hang in there! :https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/symptom/emotional-blunting

 

 

Hi I don't see the article is that the right link?

[laydefish]

Hi @glasspitcher, I don't know what happened to that link, try this one, it's from another site:https://www.mdmag.com/medical-news/half-of-patients-on-antidepressants-experience-emotional-blunting

 

[glasspitcher]

22 hours ago, laydefish said:

Hi @glasspitcher, I don't know what happened to that link, try this one, it's from another site:https://www.mdmag.com/medical-news/half-of-patients-on-antidepressants-experience-emotional-blunting

 

doesnt really offer any solution.. i already know what I have I just want to know if its gonna be permanent or fixable.

[Sassenach]

Hi @glasspitcher

 

8 months zoloft medium-fast taper 25-75mg most was on 50mg, 4 months escetalopram mostly 10mg medium-fast taper, 8 months drug free

You have given your brain a lot to deal with and medium-fast tapers mean it cannot keep up.

You may be eight months drug free in your body but your brain is still adjusting.

We all arrive here hoping for a shortcut/ miracle but the only solution is time and helping your CNS as much as possible.

Emotional numbness, depersonalisation are normal withdrawal symptoms.

It cannot be fixed like a machinery repair but it will not be permanent providing you treat yourself properly.

You will always find someone on here to help or just chat when you feel the need.

 

Sassenach

 

[glasspitcher]

On 6/21/2019 at 1:52 PM, Sassenach said:

Hi @glasspitcher

 

8 months zoloft medium-fast taper 25-75mg most was on 50mg, 4 months escetalopram mostly 10mg medium-fast taper, 8 months drug free

You have given your brain a lot to deal with and medium-fast tapers mean it cannot keep up.

You may be eight months drug free in your body but your brain is still adjusting.

We all arrive here hoping for a shortcut/ miracle but the only solution is time and helping your CNS as much as possible.

Emotional numbness, depersonalisation are normal withdrawal symptoms.

It cannot be fixed like a machinery repair but it will not be permanent providing you treat yourself properly.

You will always find someone on here to help or just chat when you feel the need.

 

Sassenach

 

What to do to help CNS? ATM the thing I am struggling with is this inner anxiety feeling in my chest that is constant... it just feels like I am in a constant physical anxiety wtih no thoughts it happened when I first got off the drugs and was really bad and now its way lower but it is still here and it saps the joy out of my life. Nothing makes it better except sometimes breathing all the way out.... takes it away for a split second. This is so ***** man will I ever get back to normal? like srsly what the ****.  feels like I cannot every fully relax and be like "ahhh".

[Altostrata]

The improvement is promising. Sound like slow meditative breathing can help you a lot. I would practice it whenever you notice you're feeling odd, instead of working yourself up to these doomy thoughts.

 

When we way recovery is slow, we mean recovery is slow. Like, months and months.

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

[ChessieCat]

16 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Sound like slow meditative breathing can help you a lot. I would practice it whenever you notice you're feeling odd

 

You might find it helpful do this throughout the day.  You could set a timer as a reminder and do some deep breathing and/or other relaxation exercises.  When this is done for a while it can become more natural and you might find that you start to calm yourself throughout the day without having to set the reminder.  I have found that I now notice my anxiety increasing a lot earlier than I used to, which means that the peaks and troughs are more leveled out.  I also try to assess what might have triggered it, eg hunger, noise, lights, tired, trying to make a decision, etc.

 

Understanding what is happening helps us to not get caught up with the second fear, or fear of the fear.  This happens when we experience sensations in our body and because we don't understand them we are scared of them and then start to panic.

 

This document has a diagram of the body explaining what happens in the body when we become anxious:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AnxietySelfHelp.pdf

 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

 

Audio FEMALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Audio MALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

Dr Claire Weekes suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping.  There are videos available on YouTube.

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

CBT Course:  An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

 

Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)

 

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

 

Edited June 30, 2019 by ChessieCat

[Altostrata]

Hello, @glasspitcher, how are you doing?

[glasspitcher]

On 8/16/2020 at 3:20 AM, Altostrata said:

Hello, @glasspitcher, how are you doing?

Hi. I think I have PSSD. So the anhedonia is a bit better than before, I have feeling to do things (motivation part), but the surface feelings got worse. So some parts of anhedonia better some not... Crazy anxiety and DPDR not that much anymore, rarely but i think its cuz i cant really feel anxiety anymore lol... sexual problems still feeling lack of sexual sensations... low spotty libido... orgasms seem okay tho,...cant believe this happen to me, I go to my idiot doctor for help and he ****s my life... lol... typical of this **** planet and world. God is evil, this place is evil earth is evil, probably this whole universe is evil.

 

It is weird like i still have my personality at least, becasue i think i force it... i just dont .. feel things. still no music either... **** this life this universe.

 

Reading old comments on this thread makes me regret trying a few herbal stuff... i shold of left it all alone and just relaxed... maybe i would be better now. I tried maca powder for like 3 days, rhodiola like 2x, and saffron recently for a week and i think they all just ***** me up more im prob screwed... oh here i go again with distressing.... i do this throughout the whole year... wonder if it would have made a difference if i didnt... but how do u even leave this alone when u cant even do anything because its literally all blunted and numb...

[Altostrata]

It sounds like you've improved some! Compared to 6 months ago, what symptoms have gotten better and what's gotten worse?

 

Have you tried fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Many people find them helpful. You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

Please update your signature with the months and years of the events in it, and your current status.

[glasspitcher]

2 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

It sounds like you've improved some! Compared to 6 months ago, what symptoms have gotten better and what's gotten worse?

 

Have you tried fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Many people find them helpful. You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

Please update your signature with the months and years of the events in it, and your current status.

i dont know, my motivation has improved yes, and like BASE enjoyment of activities yes, but surface pleasures are worse than before.... its like i cant feel the surface dopamine from cracking knuckles, erogenous zones being touched, massages... etc..

 

Sexually morning wood came back which is really good imo. Good sign...erections are stronger too than before.

 

I took fish oil and magnesium months ago it didn't really do much.

 

TBH i think fish oil is not good, maybe makes one more numb or brain fogged i heard.

 

Its wierd, i get physical symptoms of nervousness, like cold hands, shakiness, brain fog, etc etc etc... but i dont FEEL the butterfly feeling or emotions associated with it... and i cant seem to find much about this... like wtf..

 

Other than its just from AD withdrawal...

 

 

[Altostrata]

Well, carry on -- it seems you are recovering "normally" from xx months of PAWS, good for you. Please do what you can to take care of yourself and keep stresses low.

 

Can't tell what xx is because we need that info in your signature! Here's how to edit it: Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

 

[glasspitcher]

26 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Well, carry on -- it seems you are recovering "normally" from xx months of PAWS, good for you. Please do what you can to take care of yourself and keep stresses low.

 

Can't tell what xx is because we need that info in your signature! Here's how to edit it: Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

 

Changed it. Well, am I really recovering because yes I am definitely better... yea i guess its better to think I will recover more... I just wanna be able to touch myself and feel pleasure .... thats when I know im recovered. I got really negative reading stuff on PSSD subreddit everyone there is negative and stuff, saying its forever really got me down...

 

Interesting you say PAWS I never really thought of that but yea it def seems like i went through it.

 

I also have anxiety about losing progress and getting anhedonia again etc which makes me obviously lose feeling

[Altostrata]

If you've already seen improvement, might as well expect continued improvement.

 

Please add the month and year (DATES) to the events in your signature, thanks. Time has a way of moving on.