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EthanC

~2 years without my SSRI, after 9+ years on it.

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EthanC

Hi everyone,

 

It's been awhile. I made a post here back in Dec. 2017 and thought to give everyone an update on my situation.

Really didn't think I'd visit here again and post in this section, but here we are!

 

To give you a brief summary of my situation (linked my post/story for more details), I was on Lexapro/Cipralex/Escitalopram for over 9 years; dose ranging between 5mg-20mg.

At the time of my post, I thought it was a hopeless situation and was never going to recover.

Seeing how few success stories there were, I thought there were little-to-no-chance of me recovering considering how long I was on the medication + marijuana usage.

 

My main issues at the time (7 months into cold-turkey quitting) was the deterioration of my brain functions. I wasn't only feeling "depressed" because of the drug and my environmental situation, but was feeling "chemically broken" from the ground up.

All my bodily functions were seemingly failing. It forgot how to operate; basic functions, thought processes, emotional and stress control seemed impossible to manage.

 

I had couple options to choose from at the time:

1) Give up all hope, rot away, waste my life until I eventually take my own life.

2) Go back on the medication OR go on another medication (like my family doctor recommended)

3) Stick it out, sacrifice these months/years to hopefully recover.

 

I can't tell you how close I was to choosing option 2), I even took ~2 pills of my medication before throwing it out and sticking it out with 3).

 

But there was one post here in THIS section specifically that ultimately gave me the courage to try and beat this thing: the recovery story from pug. (link below as well)

 

After reading his story, I told myself, "Ethan, 2 years, sacrifice 2 years, you might still hate yourself, you might never recover but you never know until you try. Quit and stick it out for 2 years, and see what happens."

 

I did just that and after ~1.5 years of stopping escitalopram, I slowly started feeling human again. I was able to slowly get my life together.

I have more ambition and drive than ever. Maybe due to the fact knowing this drug wasted so many years, and that I HAVE to catch up.
I can actually feel sadness, happiness; not needing marijuana to feel genuine emotions and not needing the SSRI to feel functional again.

It made me realize the source of my marijuana addiction was to counter-act the numbness Cipralex brought on.

 

Long story short, a part of me thought this journey was nonrecoverable; but I was wrong.

I don't think I'm fully healed yet, and honestly don't think I'll ever be (Sorry, always been a cup-half-empty kind of guy).

But there is hope in getting better, and I believe in that.

 

I'll go on to say that quitting cold-turkey might not be the most appropriate way; but I was fortunate enough to have my parents help me out at the time.

I'll even go on to say that maybe the medication short term isn't that bad for you per say; maybe it can save some people from the brink of killing themselves, but I genuinely think these drugs hurt you more the longer you take them.

If I had a choice, I wish to have never touched this drug.

 

I wish all of you on this journey nothing but the best; and hope one day, you will join pug and myself to tell this side of the story.

 

Sincere regards,

Ethan

 

 

 

 

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MRothbard

Thanks for posting this. Especially since my situation is pretty similar—10 years on lexapro and mirtazipine, 13 months off both.

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shawny

U will recover the fact tat u are feeling better after 1.5 years only is a major breakthrough:) 

 

its ra a very tiring process but ul get there :) 

 

may i ask Wat was ur physical symptoms? 

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hussy

Hi Ehtan

 

congrats. Did you also had sexual symptoms?

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FarmGirlWorks

Congratulations, Ethan!!! I too find inspiration in Pug's story as well as anybody who CT'ed and made it anyways.

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Hannahe

Congrats! This makes me happy! 👏🏻😁

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Anubhav

Hey Ethan , M Glad That You're Recovering And Regaining Your Life.....I Hope I Can Too Post My Story Someday Over Here 

All The Very Best :)

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voyteck

Thank you for this post.

Recently it was my 1st anniversary without drug (buspirone) that is main culprit of my new problems.

I generally gave up. I don't even have the energy or motivation to update my topic anymore.
I chose option 2. I mean I don't want any SSRI, I wanted to try something else to alleviate at least one of my symptoms (restlessness/tension/akathisia). But I have also devastated GI functions (I decided to forget about libido for now). I have a feeling that only some miraculous action of some drug will stop that - I know all the docs know nothing, moreover they deny what happened - I can only play lottery with drugs.

My shrink also didn't want to give me SSRI/SNRI yet. I was given mirtazapine and accepted it...

 

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Hannahe
On 5/16/2019 at 7:05 AM, voyteck said:

Thank you for this post.

Recently it was my 1st anniversary without drug (buspirone) that is main culprit of my new problems.

I generally gave up. I don't even have the energy or motivation to update my topic anymore.
I chose option 2. I mean I don't want any SSRI, I wanted to try something else to alleviate at least one of my symptoms (restlessness/tension/akathisia). But I have also devastated GI functions (I decided to forget about libido for now). I have a feeling that only some miraculous action of some drug will stop that - I know all the docs know nothing, moreover they deny what happened - I can only play lottery with drugs.

My shrink also didn't want to give me SSRI/SNRI yet. I was given mirtazapine and accepted it...

 

I’m taking buspar for withdrawals right now. How long were you on it and at what dose? Did you taper? 

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Peachy

@EthanC I have a similar background of medication use, and I'm already 3 years into my taper. 

Can I ask your symptoms, how you spent your time while healing, and how your healing process unfolded?

Thanks!

 

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Sandman

Hi EthanC,

Did you experience any kind of sexual difficulty due to the SSRI drugs? If yes, has it resolved?

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