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Harriet8: think I have withdrawal syndrome - seeking connection, hope and support for action I can take to heal

Harriet8

By Harriet8
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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

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On 10/16/2019 at 6:35 AM, Harriet8 said:

His reaction on scanning through was that I have serotonin toxicity.  I have been on serotonin meds for 23 years.  I had considered serotonin syndrome several times as a possible explanation for what I was going through, but I have only ever heard of the acute syndrome which has a rapid onset and can be potentially fatal.  Because I continued to be alive for years (!) despite the horrendous symptoms, I concluded that that couldn't be the explanation for my condition.  I was not aware that it is possible to have a CHRONIC version. 

 

Excess serotonergic stimulation is on a continuum. One can have serotonin toxicity that does not rise to the level of serotonin syndrome. The serotonergic overdose can be chronic in the sense that you continue to overdose serotonergics over a long period.

 

Neither fMRI nor urine test will measure excessive serotoninergic stimulation. Some doctors seem to call all adverse effects from antidepressants "serotonin syndrome", which is just plain dumb.

 

Hardly anyone here can find a doctor who understands adverse psychiatric drug reactions, tapering, or withdrawal syndrome. You'd be lucky to find a doctor who will go along with your requests to prescribe graduated doses to taper.

 

What is your current drug schedule -- ALL drugs and supplements -- with dosages? Are you still taking tryptophan? This is your last drug interaction report (which does not include tryptophan)

 

If you are not taking tryptophan, it does not appear you are taking an excessive amount of serotonergics, although it is possible 40mg citalopram is too much for you on its own, or blood levels could be increased by the diazepam you're taking, as they compete for the same liver enzymes.

 

If you are still taking tryptophan, you can reduce it yourself -- you simply remove progressively more powder from the capsules over a few weeks.

 

HOWEVER, YOU ARE TAKING A LOT OF CNS DEPRESSANTS -- which was noted in the June drug interactions report.

 

When you are taking an excessive amount of CNS depressants such as diazepam, pregabalin, and eszopiclone around the clock, you can get what are called paradoxical reactions. This means that rather than relaxing or sedating you, the drugs cause physiological activation. (Note: DrugBank says "The risk or severity of CNS depression can be increased when Citalopram is combined with Eszopiclone.")

 

Paradoxical reactions are particularly difficult for doctors to understand because the drugs cause symptoms they're supposed to suppress. The usual reaction from physicians is to increase the dosage, which increases the paradoxical reactions, and then add more CNS depressants, which continue the adverse effect. Your entire history might be of this type of drug cascade.

 

Very few people here have had to distinguish FND vs psychiatric drug adverse effects. It's almost always adverse drug effects. However, we cannot diagnose neurological disorders, you'd have to see a specialist in person for that.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Harriet8
Harriet8

Hello everyone,   I took my first anti-depressant at 21.  I am now 43.  In the years in between, I have had multiple psychiatric admissions, taken many many different medications, some at hi

Altostrata
Altostrata

This is just a peer support Web site. I cannot provide a differential diagnosis regarding chronic drug overdose vs FND or any other neurological problem.   Your signature states you've been

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RachelSusan Contributor

RachelSusan

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Hi Harriet8,

 

You asked if any of us have been in a situation where we couldn't find anyone that could help.  Yes I have been there.  What I did was keep looking. But I took my time because I was wearing out just looking.  It took close to two years.  It wasn't for withdrawal but for another medical problem. I know you have been to a lot of doctors and it's very wearing, time consuming, and in some countries it can be very expensive, but If you are not comfortable with the latest doctor  you saw then perhaps you need to try a different one? If you felt belittled that is not a good sign.  Will he listen to you?  For example if you don't want to be on CBD oil is he willing to work with you even if you don't take that suggestion? These are all things to consider.  Only you know if this is someone you feel you can work with.  I also continued to read a lot here and came up with my own ideas as to how I wanted to proceed.  It is frightening to feel that we are not supported by the medical community but unfortunately that is the reality of it.

 

Please keep us posted as to what you decide to do.  I follow your thread so I should see everything you post.

 

Rachel

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

 

NEW INFORMATION FOR GABAPENTIN TAPER

April 29, 2022 900 mg to 800 mg (11%), May 29, 2022 800 to 700 mg (12.5%), June 20, 2022 700 to 650mg (8%), July 20, 2022 650 to 575 (12%), August 20,  575 to 500 (13%),  Sept 20, 2020 500 to 475mg (5%) Nov 7, 2022 475 to 425 (11%), Nov 21, 2022 500mg

Medications: Gabapentin, Prednisone 1.5mg a day, Cortisol Inhaler daily. 

HISTORY FOR ZOLOFT TAPER

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft.  Put on Gabapentin at 900mg a day in 2016 due to antidepressant withdrawal. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mg.  Feb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mg.  Jan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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22 hours ago, Zans said:

I am sorry I don't have much to add as far as advice goes but just wanted to say I follow your updates and wishing all the best for you. 

Thank you, Zans, for taking the time to message and for your good wishes.  I appreciate it.

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8

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21 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Dear Altostrata,  

Thank you so much for replying.  I'm in a really bad way, so will just make the comments I am able to in this moment and do the next "shift" as soon as I can....

 

Quote

Excess serotonergic stimulation is on a continuum. One can have serotonin toxicity that does not rise to the level of serotonin syndrome. The serotonergic overdose can be chronic in the sense that you continue to overdose serotonergics over a long period.

I think it is definitely the case that I have been chronically overdosed in the past.  My question/confusion about this is below:

 

Quote

Hardly anyone here can find a doctor who understands adverse psychiatric drug reactions, tapering, or withdrawal syndrome. You'd be lucky to find a doctor who will go along with your requests to prescribe graduated doses to taper.

I understand that.  What seems impossible then, though, is to find someone who can distinguish between what people are going through on this site vs e.g. FND, if they don't know about any of this stuff.  I hear you saying that I must find a doctor to ascertain these things.  But my experience is that they can't, for precisely the reason you cite!  Leads to sense of hopelessness and helplessness and such confusion.  

 

I am lucky that I have found a doctor who is willing to prescribe a taper I request, and a pharmacy that will compound.  That is good.  But this family doctor has absolutely no knowledge at all.  Suggested I go from 40mg to 20mg Citalopram.  I had to explain the risks of that to him.  He is very kind, but would not, in my opinion know how to support me at all, other than agreeing to prescribe what I ask for.  The trouble is, my condition as a starting point is very poor, so I haven't known whether to start to taper - I did start Zopiclone reduction until latest doc advised that I stop that.  My fear of going it alone is the level of instability I am already in, and the polypharmacy, and simply not feeling secure/equipped to deal with possible effects.  I fall into the category that will most struggle to succeed by criteria such as The Withdrawal Compass steps.  But maybe I have no choice?

I

Quote

 

What is your current drug schedule -- ALL drugs and supplements -- with dosages? Are you still taking tryptophan? This is your last drug interaction report (which does not include tryptophan)

Nothing changed since then except Zopiclone and Iron supplements for anaemia:

 

Citalopram 40mg, Pregabalin 100mg (50, 25, 25), Diazepam 8mg (4 x 2mg), Zopiclone 0.58mg

Magnesium, Fish Oils, Iron, Vitamin D

No longer taking tryptophan

 

If you are not taking tryptophan, it does not appear you are taking an excessive amount of serotonergics, although it is possible 40mg citalopram is too much for you on its own, or blood levels could be increased by the diazepam you're taking, as they compete for the same liver enzymes.

My confusion: might I have an excess of serotonin "tardively", i.e. as a function of past overdosing having changed the amount of serotonin being taken up in my brain, leaving my brain, certain neurons changing/dying off as a result, such that my brain is still now suffering for that?  Can you be certain that, if I am no longer taking an excessive dose, that I no longer have a chronic state?  How is it possible to know this/find this out?  Is there research on this?

 

Is it possible that my brain is still "wanting more serotonin" because it is used to 60mg Citalopram and 3g Tryptophan?  Chronic in that sense? 

 

Quote

 

I think the doctor is (understandably) trying to understand what caused the onset of symptoms 10 years ago, and indeed their worsening since then.  I don't believe my current drug regime to be the cause of my condition.  Therefore, it is the decades of polypharmacy leading up to today which have changed my brain.  It is so very difficult to understand what to do if the damage is done, as it were, I'm left on the meds I have gotten down to, am unable to stabilise.... 

 

Quote

If you are still taking tryptophan, you can reduce it yourself -- you simply remove progressively more powder from the capsules over a few weeks.

I am no longer taking it

HOWEVER, YOU ARE TAKING A LOT OF CNS DEPRESSANTS -- which was noted in the June drug interactions report.

 

When you are taking an excessive amount of CNS depressants such as diazepam, pregabalin, and eszopiclone around the clock, you can get what are called paradoxical reactions. This means that rather than relaxing or sedating you, the drugs cause physiological activation. (Note: DrugBank says "The risk or severity of CNS depression can be increased when Citalopram is combined with Eszopiclone.")

 

Paradoxical reactions are particularly difficult for doctors to understand because the drugs cause symptoms they're supposed to suppress. The usual reaction from physicians is to increase the dosage, which increases the paradoxical reactions, and then add more CNS depressants, which continue the adverse effect. Your entire history might be of this type of drug cascade.

It is incredibly frustrating to just repeatedly be told that "these are very low doses" in regard to the Diazepam, Pregabalin and Zopiclone.  He simply will not engage on it, does not believe they are causing any problems whatsoever, won't engage in discussions about interaction.  Sort of looks at me as if I'm a hypochondriac, worrying unnecessarily.  Happens with every single clinician I've seen.  Is there evidence we can give them (have to be careful not to patronise.....is tricky)?

 

I agree, that my entire history most likely does include this kind of drug cascade.  The overall question I'm left with in all of this is what I can do about it now, from where I'm at now?  I believe the state my brain and body is in is most definitely the result of what it has been through in the past, and not just a reaction to the drugs I am currently taking.  But there is no way to see my neurons, to assess the uptake of individual neurotransmitters etc., to know where it is struggling or why.  And I can't reinstate anything (no idea if CBD oil is a good idea....) Leaves to such a feeling of helplessness.

 

Quote

 

Very few people here have had to distinguish FND vs psychiatric drug adverse effects. It's almost always adverse drug effects. However, we cannot diagnose neurological disorders, you'd have to see a specialist in person for that.

I hear you.  Feels lonely and confusing, as I'm convinced my condition is caused by the drugs, as I have been otherwise healthy.  That's such a difficult one for me, having had several neurologists suggest is probably FND but not left me with anything to go on; but their also not knowing anything about adverse drug effects in order to be able to make that distinction, it seems to me.  So I don't find the label meaningful or helpful.  So many FND symptoms are exactly the same as withdrawal symptoms.  So maybe lots of people with FND are actually experiencing drug-related problems?  Oh dear....

 

THANK YOU.  This is so damn hard.  I'm clinging on by my finger nails.  

 

Harriet8

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

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6 hours ago, Harriet8 said:

He is very kind, but would not, in my opinion know how to support me at all, other than agreeing to prescribe what I ask for.

 

That is about the best you can do in working on tapering with a physician.

 

6 hours ago, Harriet8 said:

What is your current drug schedule -- ALL drugs and supplements -- with dosages? Are you still taking tryptophan? This is your last drug interaction report (which does not include tryptophan)

 

Harriet, when I ask for the drug schedule, what I want to see is a schedule, with times of day and dosages. You know this. Please do not make me go hunt around in your Intro topic for the information I need.

 

Please review all my posts in this topic as I believe I've answered all your questions before, maybe more than once. It doesn't help at all that you repeat your doctors' rationalizations. I'm not going to spend time arguing with them. I'm not going to prove to you that I'm right. Either you work with them or you forge ahead yourself.

 

If your symptoms are from excessive drugs, the only way to relieve this is to reduce the drugs. This is probably the only way to differentiate drug-induced problems from FND, which is a wastebasket diagnosis that means "we know there's a problem in your nervous system but we don't know what it is." Unless you find a drug interaction genius, you're not going to find a physician who can pinpoint the problem because calling it FND and flapping their hands is the best they can do.

 

If your problems are iatrogenic, your symptoms will lessen as you reduce the drugs (unless you have withdrawal symptoms). It is possible you are taking an excessive amount of drugs AND have a poorly diagnosed neurological disorder. I can't tell you what's going on. All I can see is from your reports, you are taking a weird drug cocktail and you're not doing well .

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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16 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Dear Altostrata,

 

Thank you for taking the trouble to reply.  I am truly sorry for not being clear.  I respect and appreciate all that you offer here, and wouldn't want to inconvenience you or to in any way misuse the site.  (I will make sure to check a specific query in that regard below).

 

Harriet, when I ask for the drug schedule, what I want to see is a schedule, with times of day and dosages. You know this. Please do not make me go hunt around in your Intro topic for the information I need.

Again, my apologies:

9.00     Citalopram 40mg, Pregabalin 50mg, Diazepam 2mg

13.00   Pregabalin 25mg, Diazepam 2mg

             Lunch (Iron, Vit D)

19.00   Diazepam 2mg

             Dinner (Magnesium, Fish Oil)

23.00   Zopiclone 0.58mg, Pregabalin 25mg, Diazepam 2mg

 

Please review all my posts in this topic as I believe I've answered all your questions before, maybe more than once. It doesn't help at all that you repeat your doctors' rationalizations. I'm not going to spend time arguing with them. I'm not going to prove to you that I'm right. Either you work with them or you forge ahead yourself.

Could I check and clarify something here?  In sharing doctors' comments such as "these are very low doses", or considering whether I could have "chronic serotonin syndrome" when that is suggested, and asking about evidence, it is not my intention to question your judgement at all.  I really value your thoughts and the thoughts and experiences of everyone here.  Can I check, is it a suitable use of the forum to bring in what my doctor has suggested and ask questions about his judgement?  It is of real value to me to be able to learn about how the brain works and to understand the effects of drugs etc.  But, it may be that it is important to you that we post only our own experience to the forum, as peers, and not our doctors suggestions.  Would you mind clarifying what is welcome here?  It is not my intention to argue at all.  I am simply trying to learn and understand - and, to be honest, ask others on safety grounds (having trusted doctors in the past and paid such a heavy price for it).  I had further issues raised by my doctor again today which I would like to "run by" people here.  But I won't do that if that is not a useful or wanted use of the forum.  Thank you.

 

If your symptoms are from excessive drugs, the only way to relieve this is to reduce the drugs. This is probably the only way to differentiate drug-induced problems from FND, which is a wastebasket diagnosis that means "we know there's a problem in your nervous system but we don't know what it is." Unless you find a drug interaction genius, you're not going to find a physician who can pinpoint the problem because calling it FND and flapping their hands is the best they can do.

Very helpful.  Thank you.

 

If your problems are iatrogenic, your symptoms will lessen as you reduce the drugs (unless you have withdrawal symptoms). It is possible you are taking an excessive amount of drugs AND have a poorly diagnosed neurological disorder. I can't tell you what's going on. All I can see is from your reports, you are taking a weird drug cocktail and you're not doing well .

 

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

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You can "check" your doctors' statements as much as you want, but I'm only human and I get very tired answering this stuff over and over. Either you're having adverse effects from your drugs or, according to your doctors, they're of such low doses they're harmless. You do the reality check, not me. I'm not going around with you about this any more.

 

4 hours ago, Harriet8 said:

9.00     Citalopram 40mg, Pregabalin 50mg, Diazepam 2mg

13.00   Pregabalin 25mg, Diazepam 2mg

             Lunch (Iron, Vit D)

19.00   Diazepam 2mg

             Dinner (Magnesium, Fish Oil)

23.00   Zopiclone 0.58mg, Pregabalin 25mg, Diazepam 2mg

 

Why don't you play around with the drug interactions checker so you can see what adverse effects each batch of drugs may cause throughout the day, and see how it matches up with your subjective experience? You might also read up on paradoxical reactions.

 

At this point, I've given you all the advice I can give you, so please stop asking me what you should do.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Kristine Newbie

Kristine

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Dearest Harriet, I’m so sorry for everything you are going through. I truly understand. The answers are not always available and the decisions to move forward in some way are scary. I can only say, that from my own experience, I have found trying to seek help from professionals fruitless. Also I’m not willing to waste the small amount of energy I have searching for someone to help me. I prefer to dedicate that energy to self care. I have had to learn to become my own specialist and my own advocate. To un-patient myself. This is a difficult and daunting process. I do however, have a GP who is supportive in the way I have chosen to taper and will write the scripts I require. That is the best I can hope for. However, I have had to educate her...but she is willing to listen and learn. 

 

I have had to make some tough decisions because I was poly drugged like you. It has been (and still is) brutal but I can see that I am slowly improving since significantly reducing my drug burden. There is no easy way out of this. Acceptance has been the most important mind set for helping me through this. 

 

This may help: “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” 

https://www.tarabrach.com/the-dance-with-pain/

 

Much Love K xo 

  • Citalopram 20mg - 40mg ~ approx 2010 - October 2015 (stopped over one week)
  • Parnate  20mg - 50mg and olazapine 5mg ~ Jan 2016 - May 2016 (ceased over 2 days) 
  • Lithium 450mg-900 mg and Thyroxin ~May 2016 - May 2017
  • Diazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ 2015 - 2017
  • Oxazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ May 2016 - June 2016
  • Lurasidone 20mg ~Mid May 2016 - Mid June 2016
  • Vortioxetine 10mg - 20mg ~ 6th June 2016 - 20th July 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Amitriptyline 200mg ~July 2016 - September 2016 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Nortriptyline  (dose ?) ~October 2016 ~ November 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Seroquel XR 100mg - 300mg ~ May 2016 - August 2017 (ceased over 3 weeks)
  • Escitalopram 10mg - 30mg ~ August 2016 - March 2017 (ceased over 2 weeks)
  • Bupropion 300mg ~ December 2016 - May 2017 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Clonazepam 1.5mg daily ~ July 2016 (started tapering May 2017 - September 2017 currently on 0.375mg..ie 0.125mg TDS) 27th May 2018 5% 0.357mg (possible paradoxical reaction - see benzo thread)  28th June 5% 0.337mg, 28th July 10% 0.303mg, 12th September10% 0.272mg, 18th September reinstated 10% due to intolerable WD 0.303mg, 1st October-11th Oct 10% (1% reduction over 10 days) 0.272mg, 22nd October clonazepam ceased crossed over 10mg diazepam
  •  Dexamphatamine 20mg ~ December 2016 (started tapering October 2017 - tapered 1.25mg 4th Dec 2017, 1.25mg 19th Dec 2017 6.25mg, Speed up decrease due to major interaction between Dex and fluoxetine- ref to thread 10% 17th Feb 2018 5.63mg, 10% 21st Feb 2018 5.1mg, 10% 26th Feb 2018 4.5mg 10% 28th Feb 4.1mg, 10% 1st March 3.7mg, 10% 5th March 3.3mg, 10% 8th March 3mg, 10% 10th March 2.7mg, 10% 12th March 2.4mg, 10% 14th March 2.16mg, 10% 16th March 1.94mg, 10% 18th March 1.74mg, 10% 20th March 1.57mg, 10% 21st March 1.41mg, 10% 22nd March 1.26mg, 10% 23rd March 1.13mg, 10% 24th March 1.01mg, 10% 25th March 0.9mg, 10% 27th March 0.81mg, 10% 29th March 0.73mg, 10% 31st March 0.66mg, 10% 2nd April 0.59mg , 10% 4th April 0.53mg, 10% 6th April 0.47mg, 10% 8th April 0.42mg, 10%10th April 0.37mg, 11th April 0.2mg, 12th April 0.1mg (last dose) OFF! 
  • Fluoxetine 40mg ~December 2016 - 31 Jan 2018 reduced to 20mg (probable serotonin toxicity) 10th March 2020 10mg (1:1 ratio), 7th April 9mg, 1st May 8.5mg, 15th May 8.0mg, 27th May 7.5mg, 8th Sept 7.2mg, 2nd Oct 7mg, 19th Oct 6.8mg, 28th Oct 6.6mg, 5th Nov 6.4mg, 26th Nov 6mg, 2nd April 2021 5.9mg, 9th April 5.8mg, 19th April 5.75mg, 22nd April 5.7mg, 26th April 5.65mg,28th April 5.6mg, 1st May 5.5mg, 4th May 5.45mg, 7th May 5.4mg, 10th May 5.35mg, 12th May 5.3mg, 15th May 5.25mg, 18th May 5.2mg, 20th May 5.15mg, 22nd May 5mg, 10th July 4.5mg, 9th Aug 4.48mg (switched from syringe to pipette method), 12th Aug 4.46mg, 14th Aug 4.4mg, 18th Aug 4.38mg, 19th Aug 4.36mg, 20th Aug 4.34, 21st 4.32mg, 22nd 4.3mg, 23rd Aug 4mg (hold), (micro-taper) 12th Oct 2021 3.98mg, 14th Oct 3.96mg, 15th Oct 3.94mg, 16th Oct 3.92mg, 17th Oct 3.9mg, 18th Oct 3.88mg, 19th Oct 3.86mg, 21st Oct 3.84mg, 22nd Oct 3.82mg, 23rd Oct 3.8mg, 24th Oct 3.78mg, 25th Oct 3.76mg, 26th Oct 3.74mg, 27th Oct 3.72mg, (WD reached intolerable level, reinstated 0.06mg) 28th Oct 3.8mg, 7th March 2022 3.7mg, 21st March 3.6mg, 4th April 3.5mg, 18th April 3.4mg, 2nd May 3.3mg, 16th May 3.2mg, 20th June 3.1mg, 4th July 3mg, 18th July 2.9mg, 12th September 2.7mg, 18th October 2.5mg, 14th Nov 2.3mg, 12th December 2.1mg, 18th January 2023 1.9mg, 9th July 2023 1.88mg, 16th July 1.86mg, 23rd July 1.84mg, 30th July 1.82mg, 6th Aug 1.80mg, 10th Sept 1.7mg, 12th Oct 1.68mg, 23rd Oct 1.66mg, 30th Oct 1.64mg, 6th Nov 1.62mg, 13th Nov 1.60mg, (2:1 ratio) 30th Dec 1.597mg, 7th Jan 2024 1.595mg, 8th 1.592mg,  10th 1.589, 11th 1.587, 12th 1.585, 13th 1.583, 14th 1.58 cont… 5th Feb 1.56mg, 11th Feb 1.55mg, 19th Feb 1.54mg, 26th Feb 1.53mg, 4th March 1.52mg, 11th March 1.51mg, 25th March 1.50mg, 1st April 1.49mg, 8th April 1.48mg, 15th April 1.47mg, 22nd April 1.46mg, 29th April 1.45mg
  • Diazepam 10mg ~ 22nd Oct 2018, 10th November 8mg, 14th Nov 7mg, 8th December 6mg, 30th December 5mg (Nocte), 7th March 2019 4.5mg,14th March 4mg, 5th April 3.5mg, 9th April 3mg, 18th April 2.5mg,1st May 2mg, 17th May 1.75mg, 25th May 1.6mg, 4th June 1.59mg, 5th June 1.58mg, 6th June 1.57mg, 7th June 1.56mg, 8th June 1.55mg, 22nd June 1.4mg, 4th July 1.2mg, 16th July 1mg, 30th July 0.8mg, 13th Aug 0.6mg, 28th Aug 0.4mg, 10th Sept 0.2mg, 23rd Sept Off! 
  • SR Circadin 2mg (melatonin) 25th May - 20th June 
  • Zolpidem 10mg 25th May (7 tablets)
  • Supplements: Magnesium glycinate (soluble - sip throughout the day) 

 

"Whenever you feel yourself doubting how far you can go,  just remember how far you have come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome"    Unknown 

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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On 10/24/2019 at 6:23 PM, Altostrata said:

You can "check" your doctors' statements as much as you want, but I'm only human and I get very tired answering this stuff over and over. Either you're having adverse effects from your drugs or, according to your doctors, they're of such low doses they're harmless. You do the reality check, not me. I'm not going around with you about this any more.

 

 

Why don't you play around with the drug interactions checker so you can see what adverse effects each batch of drugs may cause throughout the day, and see how it matches up with your subjective experience? You might also read up on paradoxical reactions.

 

At this point, I've given you all the advice I can give you, so please stop asking me what you should do.

I can only apologise.  I am aware that I am traumatised by what I've been through, unstable and desperate.  I am sorry to have caused you stress.  That was not my intention.

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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On 10/24/2019 at 10:55 PM, Kristine said:

Dearest Harriet, I’m so sorry for everything you are going through. I truly understand. The answers are not always available and the decisions to move forward in some way are scary. I can only say, that from my own experience, I have found trying to seek help from professionals fruitless. Also I’m not willing to waste the small amount of energy I have searching for someone to help me. I prefer to dedicate that energy to self care. I have had to learn to become my own specialist and my own advocate. To un-patient myself. This is a difficult and daunting process. I do however, have a GP who is supportive in the way I have chosen to taper and will write the scripts I require. That is the best I can hope for. However, I have had to educate her...but she is willing to listen and learn. 

 

I have had to make some tough decisions because I was poly drugged like you. It has been (and still is) brutal but I can see that I am slowly improving since significantly reducing my drug burden. There is no easy way out of this. Acceptance has been the most important mind set for helping me through this. 

 

This may help: “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” 

https://www.tarabrach.com/the-dance-with-pain/

 

Much Love K xo 

Dear Kristine,

 

Thank you for your compassionate understanding.  I'm in such crisis.  My early trauma resulted in a total abandonment of self such that I have yet to develop that internal security.  (I was doing well in beginning to heal that through therapy and 12step recovery until I was rendered dependent by the effects of the meds.) My early life led unfortunately to psychiatry's door.  And that was a re-traumatisation.  Part of the wickedness is not just the obvious medical abuse.  It's the erosion of trust in doctors, and fundamentally for me, of trust in my own body.  It became such a terrifying thing to inhabit my own skin, and still is.  I was a yogi, meditator, dancer, trekked up Himalayas.....now I can't even stand to brush my own teeth, have terrifying seizure patterns etc.  All sorts of things so many people on here have had to endure.  

 

The really valuable part of your message, but the hardest for me, is your "un-patienting" yourself, becoming your own specialist and advocate, not searching for someone to help you.  No doubt it is my early childhood stuff which exacerabates this, but I find it terrifying to think of trying to do this on my own.  To trust myself to guide myself through it.  I am at my least functional, including cognition, especially decision-making and memory.  I am physically significantly limited - sort of bed/sofabound.  But it's acceptance too.  To let go into allowing that this is my reality.  It's not sustainable to live with my parents in their 70s.  I can't bear another institution.  Can't afford full-time carers.  It's so hard.  I can't logistically see a way.  And at the time when security and simplicity are most needed.

 

I really appreciate your kindness.  These are the worst days of my life.  I can't see a way to survive just now.  

 

I want to ask about medical cannabis on the forum.  Do you think the place to do that is on this intro thread ?  [I'm doing it again.  I realise how a lifetime of trauma (including 2 decades at the hands of psychiatry) has been so catastrophically disempowering.  I was in CODA and ACA whilst I was able to go out, and that was really helping me to develop my own agency.  That recovery feels lost since I became so dependent again.]

 

Thank you for being there.  And I so admire your work in healing yourself, your courage and humility and grace.  I hope I can find what is needed within myself to do the same.

 

H8  xx

 

 

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8 Newbie

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On 10/23/2019 at 1:09 AM, RachelSusan said:

Hi Harriet8,

 

You asked if any of us have been in a situation where we couldn't find anyone that could help.  Yes I have been there.  What I did was keep looking. But I took my time because I was wearing out just looking.  It took close to two years.  It wasn't for withdrawal but for another medical problem. I know you have been to a lot of doctors and it's very wearing, time consuming, and in some countries it can be very expensive, but If you are not comfortable with the latest doctor  you saw then perhaps you need to try a different one? If you felt belittled that is not a good sign.  Will he listen to you?  For example if you don't want to be on CBD oil is he willing to work with you even if you don't take that suggestion? These are all things to consider.  Only you know if this is someone you feel you can work with.  I also continued to read a lot here and came up with my own ideas as to how I wanted to proceed.  It is frightening to feel that we are not supported by the medical community but unfortunately that is the reality of it.

 

Please keep us posted as to what you decide to do.  I follow your thread so I should see everything you post.

 

Rachel

Dear RachelSusan,

Thank you for your message.  It has been 10 years for me now, including the terrible mistake of trusting a psychiatrist's judgement again during that period, and the terrible compounding of my problems which ensued.

 

I have just shared on my thread (to Kristine), the deeper issues of losing trust in myself, of becoming dependent, and how terrifying a prospect it is for me to stop searching for reassurance and guidance from doctors and "outside" generally.  It's almost like a learned helplessness.  

 

I am assertive and pro-active in my engagement with doctors, but inside very wary and mistrustful.  My latest consultation resulted in the suggestion of medical cannabis to help with the imbalance in my nervous system. (I had misunderstood him.  I thought he had been suggesting CBD oil). This is a huge thing to consider.  He also recommended combining the withdrawal of diazepam and zopiclone by using Lysanxia drops.  I haven't researched this enough yet.  But  both of these suggestions have left me feeling unsafe, yet again, with a doctor.  

 

I clearly have a problem: seeking the reassurance from others that I am safe, and turning to doctors accordingly; but being terrified of them and not trusting their judgement.

 

Thank you for your care and engagement.  I really appreciate it.  I think I will post elsewhere about the medical cannabis suggestion because my instinct is that it is unwise to try that alongside withdrawal, even to try it at all.  I feel so vulnerable!  I just want to feel safe. And as you acknowledge, it is exhausting.  

 

H8

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

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7 hours ago, Harriet8 said:

I want to ask about medical cannabis on the forum. 

 

Are you considering adding to your drug cocktail?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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On 10/26/2019 at 8:52 PM, Altostrata said:

 

Are you considering adding to your drug cocktail?

No.

 

But I'm feeling trapped in an impossible situation.  My psychological state is so fragile and deteriorating, and I'm in neglect and despair.  It is being dependent on my parents as my carers which is such a problem.  I desperately want stability enough to be able to take care of myself in my own home.  I haven't done the maths but withdrawal off my meds could take 5 years?  And that will be a destabilising process.  And indeed, my system may simply not be able to handle it - the Citalopram especially.  If I could find a way to stabilise and postpone tapering, I would take that path.  Because the cost to me of living utterly cut off from my life, dependent upon my parents or carers is proving to be too big.  I imagine many people on here must have encountered similar problems.  Being single is particularly tough, especially if symptoms are so bad that you are not able to take care of yourself, and rely on others for most everyday tasks.  

 

But how to stabilise?  

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8 Newbie

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Hello everyone,

 

I'm sad to say things are becoming just unbearable my end.  I'm not sure there's anything anyone can suggest but I thought it might help to try connecting on here.  It's the sense of powerlessness, lack of agency, feeling trapped and unable to take any action to help myself which is breaking me down.

 

I think it is clear that I am dealing with massive overdosing over the past 20 years, especially serotonin, and the withdrawal from those medications caused the onset of my symptoms 10 years ago.  These are now so life-limiting that they are breaking me down psychologically, feeling like I can't go on like this.  I feel trapped because it seems like tapering is not an option, but I am not clear on this.  My doctor has suggested my brain and nervous system won't be able to cope with a taper in my current state.  He is suggesting adding something in accordingly.  I do not want to try medical cannabis.  He suggested cross-tapering from Citalopram to an MAOI, to then try to reduce the Citalopram.  But from what I have researched, you need to be clear of an SSRI for a couple of weeks before introducing and MAOI! - and anyway, then I've got to get that out of my system.  Alternatively, he is considering trying a tricyclic.  

 

I apologise if I am repeating myself but I am absolutely desperate and losing all hope now.  I have to make some kind of change or I will not be able to keep going.  It seems like the only choice I have is to try and taper the Citalopram, but perhaps try a micro-taper?  I know that my system struggles very badly with reducing Citalopram, so it will likely struggle again.  

 

I feel absolutely trapped.  Have others been in this position?  Severely unstable, unable to reinstate*, but having to take some kind of action?  I will go back to others' threads and look there.  I read some of the micro-tapering thread and that seems really sensible.  But many, eg Rhiannon, were able to maintain some kind of functional life whilst doing this.  That's my real sticking point, being unable to live a functional life and that having a catastrophic effect now.

 

Thank you all.  I hope something is possible......

 

Harriet8

 

*My understanding is that my brain was flooded with serotonin over years and years, that this affected the glutamate system especially, and possibly damaged the cell membranes of my nerves?  Whilst I was reducing from Citalopram in May 2017, my symptoms deteriorated considerably.  But that was from a dose which was already far too high (60mg plus 3g L-Tryptophan) and on the back of 15+ years of serotonin overdosing.  We can't reinstate to an overdose.   Aaaarrgggh.  

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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RachelSusan Contributor

RachelSusan

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Dear lovely Harriet,

 

Whatever you decide to do I am wishing you success. I feel very moved by your situation and I am sorry you are in it.

 

R.

 

 

 

 

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

 

NEW INFORMATION FOR GABAPENTIN TAPER

April 29, 2022 900 mg to 800 mg (11%), May 29, 2022 800 to 700 mg (12.5%), June 20, 2022 700 to 650mg (8%), July 20, 2022 650 to 575 (12%), August 20,  575 to 500 (13%),  Sept 20, 2020 500 to 475mg (5%) Nov 7, 2022 475 to 425 (11%), Nov 21, 2022 500mg

Medications: Gabapentin, Prednisone 1.5mg a day, Cortisol Inhaler daily. 

HISTORY FOR ZOLOFT TAPER

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft.  Put on Gabapentin at 900mg a day in 2016 due to antidepressant withdrawal. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mg.  Feb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mg.  Jan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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Zans Newbie

Zans

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2 minutes ago, RachelSusan said:

Dear lovely Harriet,

 

Whatever you decide to do I am wishing you success. I feel very moved by your situation and I am sorry you are in it.

 

R.

 

 

 

 

Me too! 

 

I can't recommend whether to taper or not in your situation but if mods will approve and you decide to proceed with micro tappering at least it could possibly snap you out of learned helplesness state. Being in charge of your situation however little charge that is.

 

Goodluck! 

 

 

Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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Posted
41 minutes ago, RachelSusan said:

Dear lovely Harriet,

 

Whatever you decide to do I am wishing you success. I feel very moved by your situation and I am sorry you are in it.

 

R.

 

 

 

 

Bless you, RachelSusan, for your care and kindness in responding.  I'm just in floods because I am willing to try, I want to take some action and I feel like my hands are tied.  That the damage is done by drugs taken in the past, such that my current regime is not causal, although it is perpetuating problems.  I feel powerless.  Thank you.

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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4 hours ago, Zans said:

Me too! 

 

I can't recommend whether to taper or not in your situation but if mods will approve and you decide to proceed with micro tappering at least it could possibly snap you out of learned helplesness state. Being in charge of your situation however little charge that is.

 

Goodluck! 

 

 

Thank you,  Zans.  Yes, the loss of agency over such a long period is really affecting me.  And having no meaning or belonging.  Going to have to find a way to access some resourcing for myself - as well as suitable place to live.... very desperate times.....  Thank you for your good wishes.  

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

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Posted
5 hours ago, Harriet8 said:

I apologise if I am repeating myself but I am absolutely desperate and losing all hope now.  I have to make some kind of change or I will not be able to keep going.  It seems like the only choice I have is to try and taper the Citalopram, but perhaps try a micro-taper?  I know that my system struggles very badly with reducing Citalopram, so it will likely struggle again. 

 

Up to you, Harriet. We've hashed this out thoroughly before.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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On 11/9/2019 at 3:23 PM, RachelSusan said:

Dear lovely Harriet,

 

Whatever you decide to do I am wishing you success. I feel very moved by your situation and I am sorry you are in it.

 

R.

 

 

 

 

Bless you, RachelSusan, for your care and kindness in responding.  I'm just in floods because I am willing to try, I want to take some action and I feel like my hands are tied.  That the damage is done by drugs taken in the past, such that my current regime is not causal, although it is perpetuating problems.  I feel powerless.  Thank you.

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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Hello everyone,

 

I haven't posted for a while.  Things are extremely tough my end.  I feel trapped.  I thought I would ask if there is a thread on here, if there are others who are disabled by the effects of drugs and withdrawal, such that they are dependent?  I am trying to find a way through what seems an impossible situation, the logistics of how to live as a single person going through this.  I would be really grateful for a pointer to this if others have written about it here.  Institutions are too reminiscent of psychiatric hell - and what kind?  Where?  And how to afford it?  Personal carers is a possibility but has not worked at all well in the past - hence staying with parents now.  I can't imagine I am alone in facing this.  It is so very difficult to keep the faith when it looks logistically impossible to see a way ahead.  Perhaps I will try posting on the Great Britain page.  The one big bonus of being where I am now is that I have access to a compounding pharmacy.  In Britain they seem very hard to come by, as indeed any access to prescribers.  

 

I am sorry to continue to be stuck in such a bleak place of struggle.  I wish I had some positive news, or at least had found an avenue, some ground beneath my feet to feel like I can start some kind of healing.  So desperately needed now.

 

My best wishes to all here.

 

H8

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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I would be so grateful for some help.

I remain trapped in a very difficult situation and condition.

I want to keep the drama down for everybody's sakes.

But I am desperate.

My question: what do I do if I am too unstable to taper?  I can't see this on any other topics/threads.  I am particularly weak just now so not very thorough search or ability to concentrate.  Plus I appreciate is unique to each individual.  Know from Inner Compass, some limited suggestions.

Bottom line: I feel I have to take some kind of action because living as I am is possibly traumatising me and feels unsustainable.  Don't know where to get guidance.  Have held back from posting on Twitter.  

Any suggestions, links, pointers would be so welcome.

Thank you.

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Gridley Contributor

Gridley

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Posted
28 minutes ago, Harriet8 said:

what do I do if I am too unstable to taper?

 

The first thing is to continue to hold.  Holding may not seem like it's doing something, but it's allowing your system to rest and heal.

 

We strongly recommend using non-drug techniques to cope.  Please take a look at the links in the following link to see which technique you think might be of benefit to you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Reading other members' success stories can offer hope.  If you can, Google survivingantidepressants.org success stories

 

If anxiety is one of your symptoms, these links can help:

 

 
We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

 

 

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg

Taper is 91% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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mstimc Contributor

mstimc

Posted
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Posted
35 minutes ago, Harriet8 said:

I

My question: what do I do if I am too unstable to taper?  I can't see this on any other topics/threads.  I am particularly weak just now so not very thorough search or ability to concentrate.  Plus I appreciate is unique to each individual.  Know from Inner Compass, some limited suggestions.

Bottom line: I feel I have to take some kind of action because living as I am is possibly traumatising me and feels unsustainable.  Don't know where to get guidance.  Have held back from posting on Twitter.  

Any suggestions, links, pointers would be so welcome.

Thank you.

Hi Harriet

 

I tried tapering twice before I was able to see it through on the third try.  I, too, wanted to reinstate or switch to another med during all thee attempts.  During the third taper, I made up my mind to see it through no matter what, and at times is was hell.  With the support of s great therapist and an online group like this, I was able to make it.  Some days I had to settle for making it from one hour to the next. Each day is a day closer to recovery.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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  • Author
Posted
On 1/9/2020 at 4:59 PM, Gridley said:

 

The first thing is to continue to hold.  Holding may not seem like it's doing something, but it's allowing your system to rest and heal.

 

We strongly recommend using non-drug techniques to cope.  Please take a look at the links in the following link to see which technique you think might be of benefit to you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Reading other members' success stories can offer hope.  If you can, Google survivingantidepressants.org success stories

 

If anxiety is one of your symptoms, these links can help:

 

 

Dear Gridley,

 

Belated thank you for replying, and so promptly.  These are particularly tough and lonely times.

 

I will look at the resources you kindly list.  Thank you.  The thing I am finding hardest is the extent to which I am disabled by my symptoms and the consequences of this.  I am housebound, and pretty much sofa/bedbound.  So, on top of managing the condition, I am facing a logistical nightmare.  My parents have been caring for me, but they are in their 70s and desperately need a break - and that is not a long-term/sustainable arrangement.  So, the additional strain of having to figure out whether I could go back to living in my home with carers or have to consider a care home of some kind, at my age....is very hard.  On the one hand, I have to plan and make arrangements; on the other, I'm dealing with a completely unknown quantity, something that can't be known or predicted or, as I so wish, alleviated. 

 

Is there a topic here on how people cope if they become dependent and have care needs as a result of their drugs experience?  I haven't found one.  Perhaps I should start one?  I don't know.  It's just a very real and big part of the overall struggle for me.  Maybe it would be useful if people could share options they have considered and how they have coped?

 

Thank you again.  How is your healing going?

 

Harriet8

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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On 1/9/2020 at 5:15 PM, mstimc said:

Hi Harriet

 

I tried tapering twice before I was able to see it through on the third try.  I, too, wanted to reinstate or switch to another med during all thee attempts.  During the third taper, I made up my mind to see it through no matter what, and at times is was hell.  With the support of s great therapist and an online group like this, I was able to make it.  Some days I had to settle for making it from one hour to the next. Each day is a day closer to recovery.

Dear mstimc,

 

Thank you for sharing.  As I have just said in reply to Gridley, what's particularly challenging right now is that I'm unable to care for myself and am housebound.  I need to make plans, but don't want to give up my home and the little that is left of my life.  But if I am going to need care for a long time?...... I miss the support of a therapist very much.  Would you be willing to share what kind of therapy you have?  I have had a lot myself (and am a counsellor myself).  I wonder if your therapist is particularly familiar with the challenges faced by the community here?

 

Yes, I identify with making it through hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute.  My biggest enemy is giving up and hiding out in the false refuge of suicidal ideation.  I understand why I go there (because it feels so unbearable - and has done for so long now), but it sets me back.  I definitely need to find myself some connection and support.  I wish I could still go to my 12 step meetings, yoga class etc, meet up with friends.  The severity of my symptoms has resulted in the loss of all my relationships, in a decline of 10 years.  

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Harriet8

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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4 minutes ago, Harriet8 said:

Dear mstimc,

 

Thank you for sharing.  As I have just said in reply to Gridley, what's particularly challenging right now is that I'm unable to care for myself and am housebound.  I need to make plans, but don't want to give up my home and the little that is left of my life.  But if I am going to need care for a long time?...... I miss the support of a therapist very much.  Would you be willing to share what kind of therapy you have?  I have had a lot myself (and am a counsellor myself).  I wonder if your therapist is particularly familiar with the challenges faced by the community here?

 

Yes, I identify with making it through hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute.  My biggest enemy is giving up and hiding out in the false refuge of suicidal ideation.  I understand why I go there (because it feels so unbearable - and has done for so long now), but it sets me back.  I definitely need to find myself some connection and support.  I wish I could still go to my 12 step meetings, yoga class etc, meet up with friends.  The severity of my symptoms has resulted in the loss of all my relationships, in a decline of 10 years.  

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Harriet8

Just looked at your drug signature and you answer my question re therapy, I think.  CBT has been helpful for you?  And Paxilprogress is a particular online group?  I am dealing with polypharmacy...  I am glad these were helpful for you.

 

H8

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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mstimc Contributor

mstimc

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Posted
1 minute ago, Harriet8 said:

Dear mstimc,

 

Thank you for sharing.  As I have just said in reply to Gridley, what's particularly challenging right now is that I'm unable to care for myself and am housebound.  I need to make plans, but don't want to give up my home and the little that is left of my life.  But if I am going to need care for a long time?...... I miss the support of a therapist very much.  Would you be willing to share what kind of therapy you have?  I have had a lot myself (and am a counsellor myself).  I wonder if your therapist is particularly familiar with the challenges faced by the community here?

 

Yes, I identify with making it through hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute.  My biggest enemy is giving up and hiding out in the false refuge of suicidal ideation.  I understand why I go there (because it feels so unbearable - and has done for so long now), but it sets me back.  I definitely need to find myself some connection and support.  I wish I could still go to my 12 step meetings, yoga class etc, meet up with friends.  The severity of my symptoms has resulted in the loss of all my relationships, in a decline of 10 years.  

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Harriet8

Hi Harriet

 

I found a therapist who uses CBT and who appreciates the difficulty we have with tapering and withdrawal.  If I may ask, what is it you fear most about leaving the house?  I'm asking because one thing my therapist taught me is to examine some of the assumptions I made when I was locked in catastrophic thinking patterns.  Sometimes, gently asking yourself a series of "what if" questions can help quantify and manage your fears.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Gridley Contributor

Gridley

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Posted
33 minutes ago, Harriet8 said:

Is there a topic here on how people cope if they become dependent

 

I didn't find one and I think it would be a good idea t start one in the Symptoms and Self Care forum.

 

My heart goes out to you, Harriet8.

 

I did find these links which are not exactly on point but may be helpful to you.

Helping family understand - Surviving Antidepressants

https://baylissa.com/helpful-tips/ 

 

PaxilProgress website is no longer in operation.

 

Thanks for asking about me.  I am doing fairly well, functioning, in what they call WDnormal, which is defined as a steady state of feeling blah.  I have many years of tapering left to go and so have to really be disciplined about being here now.

 

Again, starting a topic on dependency would fill a need and likely would strike a chord.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg

Taper is 91% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Rhiannon Rookie

Rhiannon

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Posted
On 1/9/2020 at 8:30 AM, Harriet8 said:

I would be so grateful for some help.

I remain trapped in a very difficult situation and condition.

I want to keep the drama down for everybody's sakes.

But I am desperate.

My question: what do I do if I am too unstable to taper?  I can't see this on any other topics/threads.  I am particularly weak just now so not very thorough search or ability to concentrate.  Plus I appreciate is unique to each individual.  Know from Inner Compass, some limited suggestions.

Bottom line: I feel I have to take some kind of action because living as I am is possibly traumatising me and feels unsustainable.  Don't know where to get guidance.  Have held back from posting on Twitter.  

Any suggestions, links, pointers would be so welcome.

Thank you.

Hi Harriet-- I have just read the beginning of your thread and this last page, so I may have missed something, but it certainly looks to me like with everything you went through in 2017 and 2018 it might be a good idea to not try to taper anything right now. I see that Gridley agrees.

 

I am so sorry for all your suffering. I can't express the depth of my rage at the psychopharmaceutical industry that destroys peoples' lives and health this way. These drugs have never been properly tested for long term effects, but rather than questioning the drugs, they just blame the bodies that the drugs have ravaged.

 

My heart goes out to you today.

 

--Rhiannon

 

 

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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On 1/14/2020 at 7:54 PM, Rhiannon said:

Hi Harriet-- I have just read the beginning of your thread and this last page, so I may have missed something, but it certainly looks to me like with everything you went through in 2017 and 2018 it might be a good idea to not try to taper anything right now. I see that Gridley agrees.

 

I am so sorry for all your suffering. I can't express the depth of my rage at the psychopharmaceutical industry that destroys peoples' lives and health this way. These drugs have never been properly tested for long term effects, but rather than questioning the drugs, they just blame the bodies that the drugs have ravaged.

 

My heart goes out to you today.

 

--Rhiannon

 

 

Dear Rhiannon,

 

I have wanted to say thank you for your kind words.  I have been so unwell and feeling such despair, I don't manage to keep on top of most anything now.  I'm trying to hang on, cling on, refuse to give up.....despite it.  

 

Thanks for your opinion re holding.  It is so hard when I've been stuck in this state for 2 years (and pretty severely bad for so many years prior to that).  Not to be able to take any action to help improve my health to be able to get some agency back, some strength, etc. to fuel hope.....  I have never known a condition like it.  The terrible irony, that nothing I (stupidly) went to psychiatry for help with comes close to how tough this condition is to deal with.  I dearly hope that one day this is mainstream knowledge.

 

I feel the same depth of rage.  I have to be careful to manage it wisely.  I can't see a way ahead at the moment.  It looks impossible.  I have to hope that it isn't, and that I am not stuck in chronic illness bed/sofabound.  I feel in total exile from the world.  On the one hand, part of me thinks I need to adapt, face the fact that the life I knew has gone; on the other, I feel like fighting to try and get back all the agency and health I possible can.  I think probably a way of integrating those two is the wisest approach.

 

Thank you:)

 

Harriet8

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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LaurafromCT Rookie

LaurafromCT

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Posted

Hi Harriet, 

 

I hope you are ok. I sent you a private message. I would like to compare notes. Hang in there!!

 

Laura 

1991 -> 2001 various SSRIs for depression (10 years)   

2001 -> 2017 celexa, lexapro for depression plus Abilify (6 years)

2017 - celexa causes increasing flu-like symptoms (body aches, fatigue, malaise, syncope)

2017 - bad Dr switches me to Pristiq, Luvox, Zoloft.  They all cause flu-like symptoms eventually.  Switch to desipramine (tricyclic)

2018 - switch to imipramine 75mg which eventually causes worsening flu-like symptoms. taper off Abilify

2018 - November - feel like I am really developing serotonin toxicity.  Decide I have to get off everything ASAP.  taper off imipramine, going from 75 mg to 2.5 mg over 2  months

2019 - Jan - bridge to Prozac. taper from 10 mg to 1 mg over 3 months.  Last dose end of March (alternating days)

2019 - March experience brain zaps but not too bad. They eventually go away in April/May

2019 - March - August - I developed leg/nerve pain which became increasingly debilitating over time. Saw a ton of doctors. No physical explanation. Drs rule out MS, fibro, neurological issues.  MRIs, xrays, chiro. 2019, September - Leg pain has worsened to where I can barely walk across the room.  Reinstate imipramine at 2 mg

2019 - October - Reduce imipramine gradually to 0.04 mg.  feel a bit better.  2019 - November  Start Trileptal 37 mg.  Start seeing improvement in mobility, pain decrease

2019 - December - feeling about 50% better.  Still experiencing w/d symptoms and/or side effects. Waking at 5 am each morning feeling shivery, nausea. Legs feel like they are plugged in to a socket.  Zaps, aches, tingles, stinging.  Still can't walk or drive.  Ears ringing, brain tingling, brain full of bees.

2020 - mid-January - setback, withdrawal/side effects getting worse.  Discontinue Trileptal.  2020 March reinstate Trileptal 20 mg, reduce to 10mg

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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Posted
On 1/13/2020 at 4:25 PM, Gridley said:

 

I didn't find one and I think it would be a good idea t start one in the Symptoms and Self Care forum.

 

My heart goes out to you, Harriet8.

...

Thanks for asking about me.  I am doing fairly well, functioning, in what they call WDnormal, which is defined as a steady state of feeling blah.  I have many years of tapering left to go and so have to really be disciplined about being here now.

 

Again, starting a topic on dependency would fill a need and likely would strike a chord.

Dear Gridley,

Belated thank you for your thoughts and care.  Do you mind my asking, how do you cope with knowing you have many more years of tapering left to go?  I think, for myself, at the moment, I'm crashing about and not managing to help myself to ground because what I face is so overwhelming.  Especially, for me, I think because I have lost my functionality to such an extent that my whole world has gone, and dependency is the worst thing that could have happened for me.  This evening, I am trying to focus on seeing if I can create some connections somewhere, acknowledging the loss of all my relationships over the ten years of decline.  Perhaps there is a thread on that?  I'll take a look.

Anyway, thanks Gridley.

Harriet8

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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Posted
On 1/13/2020 at 4:08 PM, mstimc said:

If I may ask, what is it you fear most about leaving the house?  I'm asking because one thing my therapist taught me is to examine some of the assumptions I made when I was locked in catastrophic thinking patterns.  Sometimes, gently asking yourself a series of "what if" questions can help quantify and manage your fears.

Hi mstimc,

Sorry to take so long to respond....

It's not that I fear leaving the house.  It's that my symptoms are so severe, they make it almost impossible.  I can't stand for long, I can't walk very far at all, and my auditory sensitivity is so severe, I simply cannot tolerate it physically.  It's the combination of extreme sensitivity to sound, tremors and spasms, and proprioception problems.  I manage very short walks occasionally.  But I haven't been to a shop or for a coffee for years.  It's so debilitating that I'm struggling to find the hope and strength to keep going.  Particularly tough as it seems I have to just hold, when I desperately want to be able to do something to improve my situation.

Thanks for asking and for your offerings.

Harriet8

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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Gridley Contributor

Gridley

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30 minutes ago, Harriet8 said:

Do you mind my asking, how do you cope with knowing you have many more years of tapering left to go? 

 

I just have to take it one step at a time.  Right now it's the Lexapro taper and that's doable to think about, just several more months.  Off in the middle distance is the Ativan taper that comes next.  I don't let myself think about it too much, but because the dosage is low, it won't be as long a taper as the Lexapro, maybe a couple of years, and so that's encouraging.  I also really want to be off the benzo, so that's like a prize. Way off is the Imipramine taper, which I don't think about except in terms that I'm already at a third of my original dose due to a previous taper before I discovered SA.  I don't let myself think how long that final taper will take.  I could be around 80 at that point.  So, for me, it's a matter of being here now, which isn't always easy and is a discipline I'm having to learn.  

 

I also like to think I'll feel better the less drug burden I carry.  That gives me hope.  By nature I've not been a positive-thinking person, but withdrawal has forced me in that direction.  There was a book I read a long time ago about how, when you're sick, "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought," and for me that's true.  Wiithdrawal is a rough taskmaster, but I'm learning.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling bad, Harriet.  I hope the near future will bring you some relief.

 

 

 

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg

Taper is 91% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Harriet8 Newbie

Harriet8

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Posted
23 minutes ago, Gridley said:

 

I just have to take it one step at a time.  Right now it's the Lexapro taper and that's doable to think about, just several more months.  Off in the middle distance is the Ativan taper that comes next.  I don't let myself think about it too much, but because the dosage is low, it won't be as long a taper as the Lexapro, maybe a couple of years, and so that's encouraging.  I also really want to be off the benzo, so that's like a prize. Way off is the Imipramine taper, which I don't think about except in terms that I'm already at a third of my original dose due to a previous taper before I discovered SA.  I don't let myself think how long that final taper will take.  I could be around 80 at that point.  So, for me, it's a matter of being here now, which isn't always easy and is a discipline I'm having to learn.  

 

I also like to think I'll feel better the less drug burden I carry.  That gives me hope.  By nature I've not been a positive-thinking person, but withdrawal has forced me in that direction.  There was a book I read a long time ago about how, when you're sick, "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought," and for me that's true.  Wiithdrawal is a rough taskmaster, but I'm learning.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling bad, Harriet.  I hope the near future will bring you some relief.

 

 

 

 

Gridley,  I so appreciate your sharing.  Thank you.  It can feel so impossible, and so lonely, so much of the time.  I don't feel like that in this moment thanks to your message.  Thank you.  I'm so sorry you have to go through what you do.  Are you able to live a functional life?  I will look that book up.......

Thanks again ⭐

1997   1st psychiatric appt: began medications (no record);   2002   Efexor XL, Xanax, Risperdal, Stilnoct; 2003  Efexor, Xanax, Stilnoct, Serlain;   2004   many medications (no record), but including Lithium, Diazepam, Lorazepam;   2005  Clomipramine; Imipramine; (8 sessions of Electroconvulsive Therapy, ECT);   Sept 2005 Citalopram, Quetiapine 800mg, L-Tryptophan;   2006 - 2009 Reduced L-Tryptophan and Quetiapine, finished Quetiapine Nov 2009;  Jan 2010  Began reducing Citalopram   >>>STARTED NOTICING SOMATIC SYMPTOMS (described above)>>>   2012   Citalopram, Diazepam, Zolpidem, Promethazine, Risperidone, Mirtazepine, Trazadone, Buspirone, L-Tryptophan, Chlorpromazine, Alprazolam   Sept 2012: medications changed to Citalopram, Quetiapine, Diazepam, L-Tryptophan;   2015 - 2017: reduced meds until just Citalopram 60mg;   2017  1 May   Citalopram, 50mg   25 May Citalopram, 40mg   Dec 2017 - Apr 2018: Citalopram, 35mg > 30 mg >   25 mg > 20mg;   2018   1 May Citalopram 30mg,   21 May 35mg   Jun Diazepam, 2mg, increased to 6mg (3 x 2mg to assist eating)   Aug Zolpidem for 10 days   Sept Zopiclone 3.75mg;   (Nov: inpatient admission):  Dec Pregabalin 100mg added, Diazepam increased to 8mg, Citalopram increased to 40mg;   2019  Jan Citalopram 40mg, Diazepam 8mg, Pregabalin 100mg, Zopiclone 3.75mg (now reducing Zopiclone: 2.81mg on 2 May, 1.88mg on 16 May)

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