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Albin

Albin: Lexapro started my nightmare, then olanzapine and then ...

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Albin

It started in December 2018. On 17th of December I took my first (and only pill) of lexapro 10 mg. I have never taken drugs (not even alcohol).

I desperetely took an AD because I was depressed and suffered from extreme anxiety attacks, due to malnutrion, being out of work and the loss of what I felt was the love of my life. I wanted talk therapy but the waiting list was so long and I got desperate.
1 pill made me suffer terrible insomnia and crazy mania. I was so afraid because I couldn't feel any emotions and I started sweating like crazy.

My doctor ignored my, and after a few days without sleep I ended up in the hospital where they drugged me with Olanzapine for my anxiety.

I wook up feeling even more terrible. This time I had vision problems, metallic taste in my mouth, angry violent impulses rushing in combination with being like a zombie. I was numb in the left side of my body, had poor co-ordination and couldn't move the fingers in my left hand.

I told doctors this, but they didn't listen. "You really need your meds" was the answer.After 4 days on olanzapine I quit CT. During this period my health anxiety and mania around it skyrocketed. I ordered a lot of supplements to heal my brain, went to the ER asking to get my brain   was damaged from the stroke. The reason I believed it was a stroke was that when I googled my symptoms "intense headache like you never experienced before" , "numbness on one side of the body", so I thought my brain

One of the supplements I ordered was Mucuna Pruriens, an indian medicine with L-dopa. And with the effects of the other drugs still in my system I reacted really badly. I got this extreme euphoria from nowhere and then I totally crashed. I ended up in hospital,  after trying LLLT-therapy. No doctors believed my theory that the drugs had done this, and that I got an dopamine-overdose, and now a broken reward system. At first I at least had some energy in January. But after the hospital, where they gave me a cicordinol injection along with benzos, I completely disconnected from my self.

 

There is no now anymore, and the damage/experience is so much worse than it was when it started with Lexapro (which was an enough traumatic experience). No one has listened and only now do my family believe me, when they got to witness live how i developed tardive dyskenisia from the injection at the hospital. My lean and healthy--looking face and body, is now pluffy/swollen. I have gained weight despite excellent dietary habits. I have never before been able to gain weight, no matter what I eat.

My hospital stay was in February-April. The injection was against my will, my family and doctors aswell. The doctor said I'm not psychotic. The doctors on the otherhand gave me "delusional disorder" and other labels for simply criticizing modern medicine and how telling them how sick I became because of the drugs. One of the sleeping meds made me totally loose my vision and I got muscle spasm, but the nurse's didn't bother. After the injection my neck starting twitching and I couldn't hold it straight. I could not talk. I was drooling and couldn't open my jaw. I stood drooling in front of the whole medical staff team, and they ignored me and told me to go back to my room. The doctor didn't give me any meds after that, stating, "Well you are obviously sensitive to drugs". Well, that should have been plain, given the reason I was there in the first place. During this time I also suggested to be treated with Zoloft. I think it was for 2-3 weeks, can't really remember anything from this time really. Only didn't to escape more antipsychotic poisoning and because I felt my life was already over anyways.

 

Been free of medicines since April.

1 pill Escitalopram (10mg) December.

4 pills olanzapine (10mg) December.

Sleeping meds: imovane (december-march/april).

Benzos: Mitrazepan 1-2 times.

Theralen, 2 times. (Really damaged me)

Cicodirnol injection (don't now the dose, but low dose). Reasoning for it was that I stopped showering at the hospital. Why? Well it was traumatic to see yourself naked and in front of a mirror, and not being able to feel the water on your body...

I live at home. With wellfare (thanks Sweden, but your healthcare is like the medieval ages).

Every day I'm slowly loosing touch with reality.I have friends and family. A yoga teacher supporting me to go to an Indian Ayruvedic hospital in June.

But my health is detoriating. I can barely move my neck (that problem I didn't have before when the worst of the injection was behind me). I have no feelings whatsoever. Anhedonia. Nothing gives me pleasure. I am against porn, but tried it to see if I react, I did react at the hospital (not a normal reaction, but something happened), no nothing. Porn was an easy test due to dopamine and how powerful it is on our brains. But nothing happens.

I have no higher concioussness. No feeling of the now or my-self. This was severely damaged by the drugs in the first place, but it is just getting worse. When it all started I had racing thoughts, flashbacks, anxiety etc. And even hope when I started to improve after quitting Olanzapine. But the Mucuna Pruriens sent me back to something that is not worthy a life at all.

 

So body has shut down. Memory. IQ. Everything declining. I have a hard time writing and coordinating everything I do.

 

I don't know if this post belongs here, but I most say it does. Everything started with Lexapro. Got worse with Olanzapine. And finally ended me with the dopamine overload and later on injection.

 

My background: 26 year old from Sweden. Musician, graphic designer, have master's degree in Media Production, worked as a teacher, have been a top-performer but also really anxious and low sense of self, I have not valued my self at all despite everything external going great for me. Loving, caring and really emotional. 

 

Now I'm flat and liveless. My face has changed. Eyes are dead.No curiosity for life. Deaf in one ear after the meds. I can't read or listen to music, or watch films. That was possible in the beginning  before my self medication.

 

It feels lonely. Lonely to have had such a strong reaction, not being taken seriously which made the situation much worse than it should have been.

 

I know some of you have been on theese drugs for years, I have not, but the damage has been imense.

 

What has happened? Can this be turned around? I am lonely in this?

 

I just want my life back. So I wanted to share this. I should have done that in December. Maybe then I could have been warned, tapering, avoiding interactions etc.

 

Need your support.

Hope everything makes sense. I can't remember what I have written and have no energy to proof-read. 

/ Albin

 

 

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Gridley

Hello, Albin, and welcome to SA.  I'm sorry you are in such a terrible situation.

 

It sounds as if you had an adverse reaction to the Lexapro. It is really unfair, but some people who are only on a drug a very short time and have an adverse reaction some time to recover.  Please read:

 

But I only took it for a Week

 

The symptoms from an adverse reaction are very similar to symptoms from psychiatric drug withdrawal, including the anhedonia,, no appetite for life, no feelings, and your other symptoms.  So you have some understanding of what you're experiencing, please see:

 
 
You will heal.  This is how it works:

 

 
We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

 

 

Please research all supplements first and only add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.
 
Please add a signature.  Include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. You can just copy the drug information in your post using the link below.  This will help us give you the most accurate advice we can. 
  • Any drugs and supplements prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years. 
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago) 
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This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  I'm glad you found your way here.


 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

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brassmonkey

Hi Albin-- welcome to the group.  Boy, that's quite a story, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all of that. I have to say the doctors have screwed up from the start be not recognizing an adverse reaction to the initial dose of the drug.  It's not common, but does happen all to often.  The good news is that given a lot of time things will heal. Here is a link to an article that will help explain just what is happening.  It's one chapter of a much longer essay, read it first then go back and read the entire essay.  It will give you a lot in insight as to what is happening.  Over the years we have had a number of people in your position and each one of them has gotten through it and moved on  with their lives.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/17909-are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take/?tab=comments#comment-354113

 

Other mods will be along with a lot of other links that will be helpful, but this will be the best place to start.

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RichT

Albin,

 

what a terrible story! So sorry you have had to suffer so much. 

 

R

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Albin

Thank you! Have read it all. 

 

The first several months will be acute.  Then things start to improve is a noticeable manner, with life starting to resume and get back on track”.

 

For me it has been this steady decline though. Is it possible that the cocktail of drugs are causing this decline months after?

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ChessieCat

2 topics merged and duplicate post deleted

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planifolia

Oh Albin, it is heart shattering to hear your experience! I am also 26 years old and my life was completely thrown into chaos by these medications, and have an intimate empathy with the devastation you feel. I just want to reassure you that you will be better, with time it is inevietable! It is good that you were only exposed to a few doses of those medication, although the effects were truly horrific. Hold on tight, stay around and practice self-care, distraction and anything to get you through this as pleasently as possible. You will be okay🤗 (imagine the emoji hand as hugs)

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Albin

Will add signature later today, to tired now.

 

the thing is the the anhedonia is something that happened due to Mucuna Pruriens. Not the AD or AP:s. Emotions died, but I still had anxiety and reward in way I don’t know before Mucuna.

 

I was also desperate and took like 15 sorts of supplements in addition go Mucuna.

b12, selenium, vitamin D, zinc, magnesium, curcumin, gotu kola, b3, b complex...

 

Now I understand that just made it worse. And I have always eaten supplements, since I few years back. ( zinc, mag, d, omega 3).

 

i also did LLLT on my head. Didn’t improve at all of course. 

 

I fear I have just damaged my self for real by trying to combat what happened.

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serotoninsyndromesufferer

Hi Albin, 

 

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your symptoms and story. I also suffered from multiple adverse reactions and ended in simmilar state, in which body and mind are completely wrecked. I don't feel emotions, don't have imagination, my cognitive impairment is acute, sensations from my body are altered, my nerves and muscles are tight and spasmatic, my blood pressure dropped, my heart beat is weak, I can't concentrate, wake up every one hour at night and much more. I know how terrible it is and how hopeless it can look like. Personally, I don't think that it will be a short road to recover and if I will ever reach full health, but lately I asked myself what other option do I have? Suicide is not an option, I can't do that to my family and I value my life, even in these circumstances. I am sure there is a way to recover to a significant degree, but it requires a lot of work and full engagement. There is big connection between state of one's overall health and vulnerability to psychotropic drugs. I believe that if my body will be in really good shape, it will start to heal itself. So first step in my recovery is to make my body as healthy as possible. Good diet, supplementation, examinations to know how to tackle certain symptoms. I prefer to stay away from any brain chemistry altering supplements, as you've seen by yourself, effect can be disasterous. If you would like to talk, feel free to PM me. I wish you the best and believe that you will recover. 

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Anubhav

@Albin It Will Get Better , I Had Very Severe Reaction While Reinstating And Then Made A Silly Mistake By Taking Ayurvedic Supplements And My CNS Got Messed Up.......

It's been A Year Since Then , I Have Had Improvements 

You ll Get Better Too , Don't Worry

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Albin

@Anubhav I’m traveling to India to an ayurvedic hospital for treatment. They are very aware of WD and such. And have treated people like me.

 

but now I’m a bit worried. Not worried but like, I really hope I won’t be messed up further. 

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ChessieCat

This is what Altostrata, this site's founder, said to another member:

 

On 4/4/2019 at 12:50 PM, Altostrata said:

 

We don't have many people utilizing Ayurvedic medicine here, cannot give you information it, sorry.

 

 

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Albin

Also, Thanks everyone for your support!!

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Anubhav

@Albin And Where Exactly Is This Centre In India ?

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Altostrata

Please add to

 

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dj2010
11 hours ago, Albin said:

@Anubhav I’m traveling to India to an ayurvedic hospital for treatment. They are very aware of WD and such. And have treated people like me.

 

but now I’m a bit worried. Not worried but like, I really hope I won’t be messed up further. 

 

The hospital will give you Ayurvedic herbs which are often not tolerated by people in ad withdrawal, our nervous systems are too sensitive for a lot of these herbs, I tried a lot of these herbs in the early months of withdrawal when very sensitive and they messed me up, however now that I am basically out of withdrawal and nervous system is back quite strong I seem to now tolerate most supplements 

 

these people at at this hospital will not have proper knowledge of ad withdrawal, if you go then you must only take a very small amount of whatever they give you to see how react first

 

good luck

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Gridley

 

12 hours ago, Albin said:

I’m traveling to India to an ayurvedic hospital for treatment.

 

I had a paradoxical reaction to the Ayurvedic herb, Ashwaganda (it increased my anxiety).

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ChessieCat
2 hours ago, dj2010 said:

you must only take a very small amount of whatever they give you to see how react first

 

SA also suggests only trying one thing at a time otherwise if you react badly you will not know what is causing the problem.

 

Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

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Albin

They have mentioned AD and wants to know everyone medicine I have taken. Seems very serious.

 

The thing is I’m quite sure what I’m going through is not WD only. I am certain I have brain damage and I am genetically damaged.

 

i have no personality or experience of the now and none of my senses work. This happened after Mucuna Pruriens and was not caused by AD/AP:s.

 

I don’t react to anything. Wish I had reached out in December.

 

This is progressively getting worse. I am literally without personality.

 

I wish I was in agony anxiety and had these extreme symptoms I had in the beginning. Fear etc. But I don’t.

 

I screwed up and I know it.

 

before I was afraid of having lost my self. But that is not the case anymore. It has happened. My skills Gone (piano etc), the ability to feel any reward or be affected by surroundings.

 

hospital:  ayurvedichospital.com

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Albin

To add: I am only getting worse when it comes to cognitive function, body awareness, ability to talk etc.

 

Doesnt feel like WD. I experienced WD in Dec/January.

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dj2010
3 hours ago, Albin said:

They have mentioned AD and wants to know everyone medicine I have taken. Seems very serious.

 

The thing is I’m quite sure what I’m going through is not WD only. I am certain I have brain damage and I am genetically damaged.

 

i have no personality or experience of the now and none of my senses work. This happened after Mucuna Pruriens and was not caused by AD/AP:s.

 

I don’t react to anything. Wish I had reached out in December.

 

This is progressively getting worse. I am literally without personality.

 

I wish I was in agony anxiety and had these extreme symptoms I had in the beginning. Fear etc. But I don’t.

 

I screwed up and I know it.

 

before I was afraid of having lost my self. But that is not the case anymore. It has happened. My skills Gone (piano etc), the ability to feel any reward or be affected by surroundings.

 

hospital:  ayurvedichospital.com

 

Doubt the damage is from mucuna pruriens alone, however adding mucuna pruriens on top of the other drugs probably was probably too much for your system handle

 

mucuna pruriens boosts dopamine while olanzapine blocks dopamine receptors so the mix can obviously cause problems

 

a low dose of mucuna actually helped me a lot during my taper off psych drugs but it doesn’t agree with everyone 

 

The medicine at these hospitals will be high strength extracts which are often mixed together into a tonic, be very cautious with them

 

keep us updated how you get on 

 

take care 

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Albin

Do you think I will recover DJ? Even though the damage is massive and my personality and skills Gone. I mean I have hearing loss and mild TD. Those things doesn’t just resolve? 😕

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dj2010
1 minute ago, Albin said:

Do you think I will recover DJ? Even though the damage is massive and my personality and skills Gone. I mean I have hearing loss and mild TD. Those things doesn’t just resolve? 😕

 

of course you will recover, I was on a heavy cocktail of a antidepressent, antipsycotic, benzo and beta blocker for 15 years and I have recovered, it will just take more time than you like for your brain to even itself out

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Albin

Did you loose personality? Can we chat through reddit? I am albin12345678 on there if you want.

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dj2010
2 minutes ago, Albin said:

Did you loose personality? Can we chat through reddit? I am albin12345678 on there if you want.

 

yes personality went completely and has been coming back over the last year, it is almost back to how it was a long time ago, im not worried about that, just very happy to be sleeping again after a couple years of withdrawal insomnia

 

i am not really familiar with reddit sorry

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Albin

Did your body change? I mean my face has changed. My body aswell. This is not just my brain. It was before the hospitalizarion. But not after the injection.

 

can you describe your loss of personality?

did you loose the ability to think and coordination and skills aswell?

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Albin

 

 

Also you are describing WD right. An adverse reaction may mot be the same from what I’ve heard.

 

and I have had 5 adverse reactions...

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RichT

Albin,

 

If I were you I’d have a serious think about whether going to the Ayurvedic hospital is the right thing to do. From your history, you react strongly to drugs and changes to drugs, and so you are quite likely to react strongly to Ayurvedic treatment, and quite possibly not in a good way. 

 

If you’re going to go, best make a conscious decision that it’s the right thing for you, rather than going simply because you’re booked in.

 

I have no medical training by the way, this is just my personal view based on information on this site.

 

R

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Gridley
2 hours ago, Albin said:

 

 

Also you are describing WD right. An adverse reaction may mot be the same from what I’ve heard.

 ..

An adverse reaction and withdrawal are very similar in their symptoms.  Recovery from an adverse reaction tends to be more linear than withdrawal, with the first several months being acute then leading on to recovery.

 

 

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Albin

I am not seeing recovery yet though. 

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Albin

Richt.

 

the trip is already booked and I will go. But I will really discuss in lenght with the doctors about this.

 

and 

 
”I have no medical training btw”.
it just makes your opinion more Legit :)

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RichT
9 minutes ago, Albin said:

Richt.

 

the trip is already booked and I will go. But I will really discuss in lenght with the doctors about this.

 

and 

 
”I have no medical training btw”.
it just makes your opinion more Legit :)

 

I hope it goes well!

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Albin

Guys.

 

i’m am declining everyday.

increasing body numbness, my mind fading away.

 

i have no sense of taste and smell.

 

this can’t be normal, even for an adverse reaction?

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Albin

Guys? :/

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Gridley

 

@Albin

 

Numbness and changes in sense of taste/smell are known withdrawal/adverse reaction symptoms.  I know these symptoms seem extreme and bizarre, but unfortunately that's often the case when the central nervous system, which underlies all our bodily functions, has been affected by these drugs.  Please read the following link on adverse reaction, which holds out considerable hope for healing.

 

But I only took it for a Week

 

The following links on numbness and changes in taste/smell detain the experiences of other members.  The stories will not exactly mirror yours but do show that these symptoms are not uncommon.

 

Paresthesia: Pins & Needles, Numbness, Tingling, Burning ...

Taste changes, tasteless food - Surviving Antidepressants

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed white space/fixed link

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