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Neuro loneliness - Is it iatrogenic or am I isolating?


Barbarannamated

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I'm going to toss this out to the group and hope it makes sense to someone.

 

This loneliness is foreign to me. It has a sense of deja vu, possibly from previous DCs, cold switches and being unaware of withdrawal.

 

I do have reasons to feel lonely, but this is different somehow.

 

Neuro loneliness? Possibly inversely related to the detachment and decreased need / desire to bond CAUSED by SSRIs? Rebound loneliness?

 

I used to be independent to an extreme, even prior to SS/NRIs. I thought I enjoyed my own company, but am boring the heck outa myself now.

 

I am still experiencing some DP/DR which makes it difficult to feel connected. It's unnerving. Being with people does not alleviate it.

 

My little girl dog is able to break through most of the time.

 

Any thoughts?

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Hug that dog as much as possible!!

 

And sit with the loneliness... observe it but don't invite it. I know what you mean about loneliness not made better by being with people, especially if you have some DP/DR. Sometimes reading helps for me, but if it is too bad, then it has to be much more basic. Feeling warmth, for example.

 

Hang in there, Barb!

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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I've felt that way often starting roughly in September up until a week or two ago, but the sensation seems to be coming only in random twinges now. And you're right that having company doesn't satisfy the "loneliness", if that's what it is, although being with people may help as a distraction. I experienced anxiety with it which made it even harder to bear.

 

I think I'm very close to the end of having withdrawal symptoms, so for me at least it was one of the last stages before feeling like my old self for long periods of time. Ditto Nadia's advice and here's hoping it's the end of the withdrawal saga for you as well!

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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I used to be independent to an extreme, even prior to SS/NRIs. I thought I enjoyed my own company, but am boring the heck outa myself now.

Yep. I get this. I was always descibed as "independent" before drugs too. Are you a middle child Barb? Or an only?I can hardly STAND being with myself either sometimes!!!

 

 

I am still experiencing some DP/DR which makes it difficult to feel connected. It's unnerving. Being with people does not alleviate it.

YEP! I get this too!!! I very much enjoy being with people but not when the expectation is to interact frequently. I'm a listener. I like to be left alone but not lonely.

 

If that makes any sense.

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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I can totally relate to what you are describing, Barb. I am sorry I have no words of wisdom about it. What do DR/DP mean, though. Thanks. FM

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I can totally relate to what you are describing, Barb. I am sorry I have no words of wisdom about it. What do DR/DP mean, though. Thanks. FM

 

DR/DP refers to derealization/depersonalization. It's the feeling of being disassociated with your sense of self or reality.

August 2012 - Cold turkey'd effexor xr 75mg

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Neuro loneliness? Possibly inversely related to the detachment and decreased need / desire to bond CAUSED by SSRIs? Rebound loneliness?

 

I'm not sure what it is but i have been feeling it. It has been worse since we put our dog down.

15+ years on various ADs and combos. Spent 3 yrs tapering (off & on ) off 225mg Effexor venlafaxine) XR & Remeron (mirtazapine). Finished tapering Oct 2014.

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I used to be independent to an extreme, even prior to SS/NRIs. I thought I enjoyed my own company, but am boring the heck outa myself now.

Yep. I get this. I was always descibed as "independent" before drugs too. Are you a middle child Barb? Or an only?I can hardly STAND being with myself either sometimes!!!

 

I am still experiencing some DP/DR which makes it difficult to feel connected. It's unnerving. Being with people does not alleviate it.

YEP! I get this too!!! I very much enjoy being with people but not when the expectation is to interact frequently. I'm a listener. I like to be left alone but not lonely.

If that makes any sense.

 

AYT,

 

I'm the younger of 2, but have never been close to my sister (drug problems- hers). From a young age, I was a 'floater' between groups of friends. Fit in, got along, not popular, not disliked. A listener first, but not afraid to speak up.

 

Thanks for everyone's input.

 

B

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Barb, maybe is just plain loneliness. It comes on from not connecting, being alone and in your situation you have been so ill, that in itself brings on that lonely feeling. Many times in many situations I thought "I was the only one feeling such-and-such a way." Only to find out that what I was experiencing aligned with thousands of others.

 

You are married, yes - but - you are lonely in the marriage from what you have told us.

 

This isn't neuro-emotions, it's from circumstances in your life as of late.

 

Barb I have tons of friends. Tons. Good friends. People I love. Am I lonely, yes. It doesn't depress me, but it makes me sad. Been divorced for almost ten years. I don't want to live along the rest of my life.

 

Yes, yes and yes.....Hug the dog as much as she will let you :D Barb, you are very normal :)

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Barb, maybe is just plain loneliness. It comes on from not connecting, being alone and in your situation you have been so ill, that in itself brings on that lonely feeling. Many times in many situations I thought "I was the only one feeling such-and-such a way." Only to find out that what I was experiencing aligned with thousands of others.

You are married, yes - but - you are lonely in the marriage from what you have told us.

This isn't neuro-emotions, it's from circumstances in your life as of late.

 

Nikki,

 

This is a very distinct feeling. The life circumstances have been same for at least 10 years (aside from new diagnosis) and, yes, definite reasons for loneliness. However, I never had this particular feeling aside from when DCing Pristiq and after cold switches back in 2008. I didn't correlate it to the drug changes then.

 

SSRIs cause a diminished need for attachment, bonding and increase tolerance for being alone. Based on the timing with me, it seems to be related to drug changes. In 2008, it was treated as anxiety with increased benzos. I think it's something to be aware of related to withdrawal so that it isn't treated with more drugs.

 

It's not garden variety loneliness or boredom, but an uncomfortable AWARENESS of the aloneness that was present but masked by drugs (my interpretation). There is also a sense of urgency that LIFE IS AWFUL AND MUST BE FIXED - IMMEDIATELY !!!

 

The others are describing a similar feeling.

 

Related thread

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2374-what-happens-to-sexual-development-in-adolescents-who%e2%80%99ve-grown-up-on-psych-meds-and-how-these-drugs-impede-normal-bonding-in-all-people/page__pid__24149#entry2414

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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It's not garden variety loneliness or boredom, but an uncomfortable AWARENESS of the aloneness that was present but masked by drugs (my interpretation). There is also a sense of urgency that LIFE IS AWFUL AND MUST BE FIXED - IMMEDIATELY !!!

This is a related quote from one of my more recent posts on my Intro thread:

 

It occurred to me...that I'm probably catastrophizing my feelings on top of having them. As in: "OMG!!! I feel sad! This has to stop IMMEDIATELY or surely I will die! AGH! HELP!" I'm really starting to think that this is the emotional 'logic' behind some of my emotional reactions. I seem to be terrified of feeling bad. :blink:

I believe that is a neuro-reaction, but then again, I was a highly anxious person before antidepressants. I'm working on sorting that out now, and if I can overcome the chronic anxiety I was taught by two very anxious parents, the whole withdrawal ordeal will have been worth it.

 

The others are describing a similar feeling.

You betcha, and I'm glad you brought it up because I haven't seen any comments about this before. So now it turns out that many of us have had these feelings, which makes it highly unlikely that this is plain vanilla loneliness or a sign of something inherently wrong with us, but yet another withdrawal symptom.

 

 

SSRIs cause a diminished need for attachment, bonding and increase tolerance for being alone. Based on the timing with me, it seems to be related to drug changes. In 2008, it was treated as anxiety with increased benzos. I think it's something to be aware of related to withdrawal so that it isn't treated with more drugs.

 

IMO, antidepressants numb people out and that numbness is one of the last withdrawal symptoms to go. It certainly has been for me.

 

I'm currently trying to deal with a church member whom I believe to have been on antidepressants and benzos for some time, and tonight I ended up bursting into tears because she's so very insensitive to others (and likely herself). I thought of you, Barb, and imagined what it must be like to have to live with an AD zombie. I haven't got the words to express my compassion.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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I used to CHERISH my alone time. Could always find something to do. I've posted in my thread that I had to be the most lonely person in the world.

 

I have few family members left and none seem to have any time so I gave up even trying to contact them. My children grew up and are so busy with their lives, they have no time or interest in me or my life. Sometimes I think if I die they won't remember me after I'm buried. I believe this is true. Only when they NEED or WANT something do I hear from them. I have nothing now, so I don't see or hear from them at all.

 

I'm sorry you and the others here have these lonely feelings. I'm not as lonely as I was in early WD, now I'm more sad that I'm so alone.

 

Tezza

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IMO, antidepressants numb people out and that numbness is one of the last withdrawal symptoms to go. It certainly has been for me.

I'm currently trying to deal with a church member whom I believe to have been on antidepressants and benzos for some time, and tonight I ended up bursting into tears because she's so very insensitive to others (and likely herself). I thought of you, Barb, and imagined what it must be like to have to live with an AD zombie. I haven't got the words to experess my compassion.

 

Jemima,

 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this person. Interpersonal communication is difficult under unaltered circumstances. This isn't as apparent as someone drunk or high on other drugs when it's obvious they aren't sober.

 

Some of the stories husband's family tells leave me wondering if this can possibly be the same person (used to be spontaneous, fun, interactive). I never knew him unmedicated but he's become far more withdrawn over the years. I probably did also although I forced myself to get out and interact which took alot of effort without a job or family activities to go to.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I'm going to toss this out to the group and hope it makes sense to someone.

 

This loneliness is foreign to me. It has a sense of deja vu, possibly from previous DCs, cold switches and being unaware of withdrawal.

 

I do have reasons to feel lonely, but this is different somehow.

 

Neuro loneliness? Possibly inversely related to the detachment and decreased need / desire to bond CAUSED by SSRIs? Rebound loneliness?

 

I used to be independent to an extreme, even prior to SS/NRIs. I thought I enjoyed my own company, but am boring the heck outa myself now.

 

I am still experiencing some DP/DR which makes it difficult to feel connected. It's unnerving. Being with people does not alleviate it.

 

My little girl dog is able to break through most of the time.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Hi Barb!

 

I have definitely had neuro loneliness. I know this because when I was younger, I tended to be lonely rather easily. Certain things would trigger it moreso like when I was with friends and it was time to go or especially having relatives visit from different states, when they left, I would have this horrible loneliness. Later, trying to make friends after high school because the two close ones I had (was never one for friends that weren't 'close' or ' best friends') had life changes - one got into a serious relationship and spent all time with him and the other moved across the country and essentially vanished. Over time this abated until I actually came to appreciate my alone time. In fact, in several years I really can't remember being lonely at all. Even things that should have triggered it or would have in the past at most would remind me of how I don't have the connections to some people that I would like but loneliness hasn't really been an issue... until neuro hell. That's my new phrase. NEURO HELL.

 

I know I went into a lot of detailed stuff to get to the point that yes, I experience neuro loneliness at times and in certain situation, and I know it is neuro loneliness because for years now I really haven't experienced loneliness at all that I can remember. I'd become a person who loves quiet and generally appreciates time away from people. It has become who I am. But now, neuro hell has screwed with the core of who I am or who I was (which I'm rather disconcerted by) and suddenly I have these episodes where I feel loneliness. Sometimes triggered by something. Other times just out of the blue. And it is horrible, truly horrible, especially when I think how this was not who I had become. Neuro hell has caused me to lose who I was. I wonder if I'll ever be me again. So many traits that were core to who I was seem to have vanished to varying degrees or periodically vanish and I had become quiet comfortable with myself. I even liked who I was before neuro hell. I wasn't 'perfect' but there were aspects or me or traits I guess that I could harness strength from when situations arose that tested me in some way. Now, it seems being a survivor is the main thing I've got that I can turn to and harness strength from. Everything else has gone sideways.

 

Sorry for making this so long. I guess all this neuro stuff has me really looking at a lot of things and how it has caused me to not be true to me in the way that I was. I feel like someone came in while I wasn't paying attention and stole the core of my being. I wonder if other people feel like that too? If they feel like these neuro emotions have left them lost regarding who they knew or felt or thought they were?

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Hi Barb!

I have definitely had neuro loneliness. I know this because when I was younger, I tended to be lonely rather easily. Certain things would trigger it moreso like when I was with friends and it was time to go or especially having relatives visit from different states, when they left, I would have this horrible loneliness. Later, trying to make friends after high school because the two close ones I had (was never one for friends that weren't 'close' or ' best friends') had life changes - one got into a serious relationship and spent all time with him and the other moved across the country and essentially vanished. Over time this abated until I actually came to appreciate my alone time. In fact, in several years I really can't remember being lonely at all. Even things that should have triggered it or would have in the past at most would remind me of how I don't have the connections to some people that I would like but loneliness hasn't really been an issue... until neuro hell. That's my new phrase. NEURO HELL.

 

I know I went into a lot of detailed stuff to get to the point that yes, I experience neuro loneliness at times and in certain situation, and I know it is neuro loneliness because for years now I really haven't experienced loneliness at all that I can remember. I'd become a person who loves quiet and generally appreciates time away from people. It has become who I am. But now, neuro hell has screwed with the core of who I am or who I was (which I'm rather disconcerted by) and suddenly I have these episodes where I feel loneliness. Sometimes triggered by something. Other times just out of the blue. And it is horrible, truly horrible, especially when I think how this was not who I had become. Neuro hell has caused me to lose who I was. I wonder if I'll ever be me again. So many traits that were core to who I was seem to have vanished to varying degrees or periodically vanish and I had become quiet comfortable with myself. I even liked who I was before neuro hell. I wasn't 'perfect' but there were aspects or me or traits I guess that I could harness strength from when situations arose that tested me in some way. Now, it seems being a survivor is the main thing I've got that I can turn to and harness strength from. Everything else has gone sideways.

 

Sorry for making this so long. I guess all this neuro stuff has me really looking at a lot of things and how it has caused me to not be true to me in the way that I was. I feel like someone came in while I wasn't paying attention and stole the core of my being. I wonder if other people feel like that too? If they feel like these neuro emotions have left them lost regarding who they knew or felt or thought they were?

 

Yes, absolutely. NEURO HELL. You describe it perfectly. I have no sense of who I am any longer. It is TORTURE. I have endured the last 10 years without a job or family (husband doesn't count) sometimes better than others. I joined, volunteered, but never found anywhere I 'belonged' but I managed. I was just thinking "HOW do people live like this without becoming a drug addict or alcoholic to help pass the time??" Then I realized, I was numbed by Pristiq, not a typical drug of addiction but performing a similar function. I have none of the life I had prior to starting psych drugs. I wake up every morning in absolute dread, thinking "what the hell am I going to do with all of this empty time until I can sleep again??" I used to drive around for hours everyday, listening to music, convinced I was shopping for something I absolutely needed: a pair of jeans or something equally innane could consume an entire day or more. When life becomes very small, small things become very big. Social circle shrinks and individual people become more 'important'.

 

Suddenly I'm 50 years old and have so little. My friends are starting into the grandmother stage. That's hit hard. After their kids grew up and moved on, our friendships came back together. Now grandkids! I feel like I'm on a different planet. To be clear, it was my decision to not have kids, but I was involuntarily retired without any preparation or discussion. One day I had a career, the next day they told me they couldn't hold my position open while I was on a med leave. I never saw or talked to any colleagues again, I was in shock and couldn't. I've only recently begun to realize how badly it all went down and perhaps I'm finally grieving that 11 years later..?

 

"Like someone came in and stole the core of my being.." EXACTLY!

 

And left me on The NEURO HELL planet.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Hi Barb!

I have definitely had neuro loneliness. I know this because when I was younger, I tended to be lonely rather easily. Certain things would trigger it moreso like when I was with friends and it was time to go or especially having relatives visit from different states, when they left, I would have this horrible loneliness. Later, trying to make friends after high school because the two close ones I had (was never one for friends that weren't 'close' or ' best friends') had life changes - one got into a serious relationship and spent all time with him and the other moved across the country and essentially vanished. Over time this abated until I actually came to appreciate my alone time. In fact, in several years I really can't remember being lonely at all. Even things that should have triggered it or would have in the past at most would remind me of how I don't have the connections to some people that I would like but loneliness hasn't really been an issue... until neuro hell. That's my new phrase. NEURO HELL.

 

I know I went into a lot of detailed stuff to get to the point that yes, I experience neuro loneliness at times and in certain situation, and I know it is neuro loneliness because for years now I really haven't experienced loneliness at all that I can remember. I'd become a person who loves quiet and generally appreciates time away from people. It has become who I am. But now, neuro hell has screwed with the core of who I am or who I was (which I'm rather disconcerted by) and suddenly I have these episodes where I feel loneliness. Sometimes triggered by something. Other times just out of the blue. And it is horrible, truly horrible, especially when I think how this was not who I had become. Neuro hell has caused me to lose who I was. I wonder if I'll ever be me again. So many traits that were core to who I was seem to have vanished to varying degrees or periodically vanish and I had become quiet comfortable with myself. I even liked who I was before neuro hell. I wasn't 'perfect' but there were aspects or me or traits I guess that I could harness strength from when situations arose that tested me in some way. Now, it seems being a survivor is the main thing I've got that I can turn to and harness strength from. Everything else has gone sideways.

 

Sorry for making this so long. I guess all this neuro stuff has me really looking at a lot of things and how it has caused me to not be true to me in the way that I was. I feel like someone came in while I wasn't paying attention and stole the core of my being. I wonder if other people feel like that too? If they feel like these neuro emotions have left them lost regarding who they knew or felt or thought they were?

 

Yes, absolutely. NEURO HELL. You describe it perfectly. I have no sense of who I am any longer. It is TORTURE. I have endured the last 10 years without a job or family (husband doesn't count) sometimes better than others. I joined, volunteered, but never found anywhere I 'belonged' but I managed. I was just thinking "HOW do people live like this without becoming a drug addict or alcoholic to help pass the time??" Then I realized, I was numbed by Pristiq, not a typical drug of addiction but performing a similar function. I have none of the life I had prior to starting psych drugs. I wake up every morning in absolute dread, thinking "what the hell am I going to do with all of this empty time until I can sleep again??" I used to drive around for hours everyday, listening to music, convinced I was shopping for something I absolutely needed: a pair of jeans or something equally innane could consume an entire day or more. When life becomes very small, small things become very big. Social circle shrinks and individual people become more 'important'.

 

Suddenly I'm 50 years old and have so little. My friends are starting into the grandmother stage. That's hit hard. After their kids grew up and moved on, our friendships came back together. Now grandkids! I feel like I'm on a different planet. To be clear, it was my decision to not have kids, but I was involuntarily retired without any preparation or discussion. One day I had a career, the next day they told me they couldn't hold my position open while I was on a med leave. I never saw or talked to any colleagues again, I was in shock and couldn't. I've only recently begun to realize how badly it all went down and perhaps I'm finally grieving that 11 years later..?

 

"Like someone came in and stole the core of my being.." EXACTLY!

 

And left me on The NEURO HELL planet.

 

To me, the difficult part is the few people I have in my life, while they try to understand, often say **** that floors me because they don't get it. They try but not REALLY try. Often it's a lot of comparisons where I think 'you did not just compare the fact that you're struggling with debt because you bought a second home - a summer cottage - that you absolutely didn't need and bought it only five years after your first home and it turned out to be a money pit - to my struggle with depression and not having any of the things I ever wanted or the few that I learned to enjoy that I could have taken away from me along with this new Neuro Hell AND withdrawal. **** OFF! Or when someone complains about stupid stuff at a job that stresses them and they have money set aside so they could quit as well as having other option available. Like WTF? You have choices. I never had a choice with the depression and I never had a choice with the illnesses or the rape or the PTSD or now with the withdrawal from meds I was told I HAD to take and after reading all the propoganda aka medical stuff available felt it was the wise thing to do. I just don't have patience for it anymore. I've lost the ability to care about problems people have that they created through stupidity or bad choices or because they are too lazy to take a bold choice and get out of a bad situation. It ENRAGES me! I spent my whole life working to make a better life for myself. I have a psych BA with sociology focus (not the full minor) and then a Computer information systems BS with focuses on statistics, management, and marketing. I wrote 11 novels during my mid teens to my twenties. I had two different jobs in two different careers that I got through crap internships, college studies with honors (cum laude and magna cum laude) and lost both because of my illness. Both times, I was absolutely devastated and felt like a loser for years. I've never been a drinker or into drugs aside from meds I was told to take. I've never been in any kind of trouble. I worked hard and did what society told me I should to have the life I wanted and now? I'm struggling with NEURO HELL because I did what I was told. Because I obeyed the rules.

 

For me, the meds never worked. The AD never worked. I was always dealing with all those things. I was never numb to them or if I was it was only in a way that softens the blows to a very minor degree. And yet here I am trying to make sense of the utterly senseless existence I live. But I learned my lesson. I don't try anymore. I don't put true effort into one freaking thing. I've decided it is all predetermined and so I just accept what is and go with the flow and see where that lands me. Years of trying and working hard and putting in effort got me nowhere. Now, I just don't care. Counting the days till I'm dead. Don't even care if death is oblivion and there is no light or anything. I'm done with this bullsh*t. Frustrated. Tired and done.

 

Funny thing is that all I ever really wanted were a few simple things to make life worth it. I'd have one and then something like withdrawal would take it away. Over and over this happened. And now to boot, I'm in NEURO HELL. Well, now that I've tried to fix a relationship that was damaged from the neuro bullsh*t to no avail because I guess I was not relevant enough or I guess I am not worthy of another chance or whatever he thinks or feels which is probably nothing, I've decided that since neuro hell has stolen the core of I am from me, I'll just let the neuro crap take over until it's gone. Why fight it? I try to control it and to not get caught in it, but it's like getting caught in the undertow. Best off to not fight it or try to keep it in check. Doing so makes no difference.

 

Sorry for the vent. I'm just tired of the only people that understand being the people here on this board. Seems like even others aren't even fully trying, like they are scared to even go there. So I get patronizing comments and platitudes or just lies that I'm supposed to believe.

 

Welcome to NEURO HELL!

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Yes, I relate well.

The only hope I have is that the hopelessness passes.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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One thing I've observed about neuro-emotions, now that I'm able to stand back and be somewhat objective, is that all of them have had a frantic, I-must-do-something-about-this-RIGHT-NOW! quality, and that would make sense given that most antidepressants are tremendously strong stimulants. I'm still experiencing some feelings of loneliness, sadness, and fear, but they feel like 'pre-AD me' feelings. These normal-feeling emotions are far more manageable without the panicky quality, and I think the panic adds to the sense of hopelessness and helplessness since there really is nothing to be done except to wait for the exaggerated emotions to go away. (And meanwhile, as in all stages of withdrawal, one wonders if a symptom will *ever* go away!)

 

As I said in my previous post, the neuro-loneliness didn't start until August or September, which would have been eight to nine months into antidepressant withdrawal for me, and now I think I'm just about done with withdrawal. The fact that you're experiencing the same thing now may mean that you're only a few months away from turning a corner and feeling normal emotions again.

 

There is hope. Hang in there, Barb.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Barb in reading the posts I can relate on varying levels. On Sundays I do feel lonely and melancholy creeps in. I am going to work shortly and work keeps me from focusing on this.

 

I too, have always had the "feeling" of not fitting in or having my own clique or entourage.

 

This morning I was journaling about how in the last moth I have not had time to talk to most of my friends and family. A socially acceptable form of isolation. I don't quite understand myself in this area. I can isolate.

 

I think part of me feels less than desirable.

 

I don't want to talk on the phone. I don't want to have to return calls.

Am I busy, yes. Is it added pressure, can be. I feel myself isolating due to working and I kind of like it.

 

Does working many hours cause a person to want to be alone?

 

There is always some stuff that needs to be looked at and corrected :angry:

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Thanks, Nikki and Jemima and everyone for talking this through with me.

 

Going through withdrawal and facing a neurodegenerative illness has brought existential/end o life issues to the forefront. Family of origin dying off, only sibling is drug addict with no family, and no offspring of own. No circle of life, family of my own.

Not saying I'd do anything differently, but attempting to get a grip on the mess in my head.

 

[Midlife crisis + Existential crisis] × [steroids + w/d] = ONE HOT MESS™ :o

 

I've always had wonderful friends and extended family who include me as part of their family, but they now have their own extended families.

 

I wonder... how did so many therapists (not MDs) completely overlook over the years??? At one of my last appointments with him, my psychiatrist of 15 years did say "wow. You really ARE alone." Too busy doling out drugs to realize it sooner...

 

I HAVE been pushing people away in a sort of subconscious preemptive effort ("I will do it on my own...not waiting for others..."). I existed like this for years, glad I was 'so independent'. During w/d, it took on a defensive posture and urgent need to figure out where I belong.

 

Always worse on weekends.

 

I'm gonna go hug a dog or two.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I can definitely empathise here. I don't know a lot of people let alone have a lot of friends but I am married. At the moment I am really feeling like withdrawing, I just don't know if I can deal with people at the moment. Then again it could just be part of the vicious cycle. I can definitely see where 'monday-itis' comes from, and I imagine it actually started from something similar. I can't have more than a couple of days off work with out not wanting to go back, but I don't actually want to be there in the first place. Once I get there though I am so busy the time goes so fast I don't have time to think. Which is part of the problem - too much time to think.

withdrawal 5 days

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One thing I've observed about neuro-emotions, now that I'm able to stand back and be somewhat objective, is that all of them have had a frantic, I-must-do-something-about-this-RIGHT-NOW! quality, and that would make sense given that most antidepressants are tremendously strong stimulants. I'm still experiencing some feelings of loneliness, sadness, and fear, but they feel like 'pre-AD me' feelings. These normal-feeling emotions are far more manageable without the panicky quality, and I think the panic adds to the sense of hopelessness and helplessness since there really is nothing to be done except to wait for the exaggerated emotions to go away. (And meanwhile, as in all stages of withdrawal, one wonders if a symptom will *ever* go away!)

 

As I said in my previous post, the neuro-loneliness didn't start until August or September, which would have been eight to nine months into antidepressant withdrawal for me, and now I think I'm just about done with withdrawal. The fact that you're experiencing the same thing now may mean that you're only a few months away from turning a corner and feeling normal emotions again.

 

There is hope. Hang in there, Barb.

 

 

I was just pondering this today. I feel very lonely today. I miss a friend of mine very much and am lonely without being able to talk to him at all. But I don't think it's neuro. It feels like pre AD as Jemima states above. After listening to DR. Breggin last night and how he talked (spellbinding video I think) about the changes the ADs cause and how it is NOT normal and how they mask feelings, etc. I think that what I thought was me learning to not be lonely was really me detaching from normal feelings I would have or that most would have. To some degree they were muted. The AD did this. Now that I'm having windows of normal with wanes in the middle, I feel that this window has genuine emotions that were messed up or masked by the AD. So today's loneliness or boredom is genuine. The emptiness is genuine. It's something that was masked to varying degrees by the AD. But now it's back, and I have to learn to cope with it. I did still feel loneliness while on the AD, so it wasn't completely muted, but in some cases, I don't think it's neuro. I think it's actual. And I also notice the neuro ones seem very powerful and you get swept up in them like a storm. As Jemima put it - you HAVE TO do whatever you have to do in that moment. It's so intense that it's like a tornado.

 

Today's loneliness is me returning to my normal self. But there are also moments of contentment I haven't felt since the withdrawal began. And there are moments of peace. So there is some balance to it where it's not just lonely or sad or angry. It's also peace, contentment and calm.

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Starlitegirl,

 

Agree. I think neuroemotions have truth to them, but are magnified, intensified, and infused with urgency. "Rebound emotions" that were masked, blunted by drugs or allowed me/us to detach completely from the aloneness. For me, this is more complex than anger (as an example) because it involves other people's actions (contacting me) and leads to insecurity and paranoia that I did something to offend, etc. When I'm rational, I know that most people are just busy with life.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Starlitegirl,

 

Agree. I think neuroemotions have truth to them, but are magnified, intensified, and infused with urgency. "Rebound emotions" that were masked, blunted by drugs or allowed me/us to detach completely from the aloneness. For me, this is more complex than anger (as an example) because it involves other people's actions (contacting me) and leads to insecurity and paranoia that I did something to offend, etc. When I'm rational, I know that most people are just busy with life.

 

I have the same issue with the insecurity and paranoia that I did something wrong, and I know most people lead busy lives. It depends on the person as to whether I feel the insecurity and paranoia.

 

Trying to pull apart the neuro from the real emotions that aren't tainted by WD is kind of a challenge. I've gotta admit, I'm not liking that loneliness is coming up for me. I feel like it makes it that much harder especially if it involves missing someone (like my dad or my friend). I had read a book before I got into the worst of the WD called the sedona method and used it to work through a lot of repressed emotions mainly on certain issues like things with my mother. It really made a difference and was probably perfect timing. Might have even helped me to some degree with neuro stuff I have now.

 

of course, now, I'm all about the windows. I want lots of big, long windows. And I'm getting stubborn about taking klonopin for symptoms. I'll sit here and just ride it out if it's not at threshold because I wonder if the klonopin messes with my recovery. I've actually concluded that it probably does so it's best to reserve it for when things are getting past threshold level because that's when it all goes sideways and those neuroemotions kick in full force.

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The holiday season is not helping the loneliness although I'm a bit better than last year.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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The holiday season is not helping the loneliness although I'm a bit better than last year.

 

I think I'm lucky there. I don't even realize it's the holiday season. Years ago I just began ignoring it as it tended to just make me feel worse. Thanksgiving came and went and it was absolutely like it never happened. Same for xmas. At least with the WD, my mom can't drag me out to eat which makes it insufferable. I always hated that. Started backing out a few years ago. This year, with my WD being as it is, it's not even an option. YAY! That might be the first full on benefit of this hell.

 

I'm sorry the holidays are difficult for you. Maybe you can act as if they don't exist? Get them out of your mind? I don't pay attention to anything holiday related and find it makes it like any other day or any other time.

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This year, with my WD being as it is, it's not even an option. YAY! That might be the first full on benefit of this hell.

 

 

I always hated Christmas...lots of stressful family emotions as a kid. Mostly because of fighting between parents , then followed equally as disgusting, post divorce years of totally over-the-top, grossly exagerated, material- based celebration and gift giving all while I was depressed ( and no one seemed to notice) and hated every egg nog minute o f it.

 

Then came my own family xmas celebrations.... whatever... mostly just work for us. baaaa humbug.

 

This year? I'm actually looking forward to it and I am in the middle of a hold. Getting my doses spread out has really helped. I'm sure I'll still escape to my bedroom when I get on over load with the noise , but I hope to have a happier Christmas.

 

We'll see.

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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This year, with my WD being as it is, it's not even an option. YAY! That might be the first full on benefit of this hell.

 

 

I always hated Christmas...lots of stressful family emotions as a kid. Mostly because of fighting between parents , then followed equally as disgusting, post divorce years of totally over-the-top, grossly exagerated, material- based celebration and gift giving all while I was depressed ( and no one seemed to notice) and hated every egg nog minute o f it.

 

Then came my own family xmas celebrations.... whatever... mostly just work for us. baaaa humbug.

 

This year? I'm actually looking forward to it and I am in the middle of a hold. Getting my doses spread out has really helped. I'm sure I'll still escape to my bedroom when I get on over load with the noise , but I hope to have a happier Christmas.

 

We'll see.

 

I hope it's a better xmas for you than others have been. I hope it's the best one yet.

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I hope it's a better xmas for you than others have been. I hope it's the best one yet.

 

Why thank you Starlight. I wish the very same for you. :) I wish the same respite for everyone on this board at least at some time during their taper from these drugs.

 

RU

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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  • 9 months later...

It is the weekend and I am experiencing my awful weekend loneliness but it is escalating to a paranoid isolation. I communicate almost exclusively via Facebook and rarely text. I looked at my phone log out of curiosity and the last time I spoke to a friend was September 9th, almost 3 weeks ago. That shocked me. No wonder I feel CRAZY. The paranoia is not that someone will harm me, but that people are noticing how strange my comments are on Facebook and how crazy I feel. I'm not sure if they are or if it's just my insecurity. When I'm with people (rarely), I seem to be able to carry on a conversation. I've been battling some sort of pelvic infection and feeling very disoriented from infection and / or meds.

 

I'm very disturbed by the jealousy and paranoia. I know it can be a symptom of adrenal insufficiency / Addison's, but also brought on by isolation.

 

I do spend all day in the house with my husband, but we talk very little. It's not too antagonistic, but we have little to say to each other. He's been helpful in getting me to the doctor.

 

My question: is this isolation insecurity / paranoia common in this situation? I appreciate the offers of phone interaction and will likely take people up on that. I have several friends a cross the country who have tried to call, but I didn't feel up to it (anxiety?). I never had social anxiety prior to this.

 

Thanks.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Barb I think paranoia comes from WD from drugs.  You said it can come for Addison's too.  So there is a physical reason this has happened.  You suffer from extreme fatigue, which must make it difficult to find the energy to talk.

 

Is the jealousy your situation?  It may not be jealousy, but a desire to be able to simply feel better.  Do you have depression?

Depression will  do it.

 

I find for myself that when I receive an invitation in my mind I want to run home and not go.  A neighbor invited me over her house to meet two of her friends.  My knee jerk reaction was to internally say no.  Even though I did that I went and had a lovely time.  Saturday morning I went to my meeting and then had brunch.  There were 20 of use at brunch.  I love it so much - seeing my friends on saturday.

 

And then....the question comes in....what should  do Saturday afternoon?  This is where I have problems.  I don't do anything on saturday night except watch stupid movies and eat ice cream. :(  A ritual I have engaged in since my divorce.  It's so old and I really don't like going out on Saturday nights.

 

Sunday can be the toughest day for me.  I get quite down on sundays.  Today is sunday.  What should I do?  I seem to engage in patterns.  The only way out is to change the pattern, and sometimes that can be so hard.....

 

Why can't I just be normal and outgoing all the time and not have this crap swimming around in my head?

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wasn't sure where to post this....Maybe under Neuro-emotions?I don't know if this is medication, stress, or just me.Lately, on the weekends I go to my Saturday Morning Beach Meeting and then afterwards, brunch with a big group of friends. And for the remainder of the weekend I just spend it by myself. House projects, a nap, thrift shopping for entertainment.During the week, I work (business is slow now and making me worried), go to Al-anon meetings, and have lunch afterwards with a large group of friends. I go to Mindful Meditation on Thursday evenings and sometimes TM on Monday evenings.I do go to the movies with some of my friends.In between all of this I take my mother for her errands quite a bit.In the last 2 weeks, outside of these activities, I feel like I am isolating. I have a few friends that I am not interested in seeing and don't know if this is Neuro-emotion stuff, or I have just lost interest in them. I actually have lost interest, but don't know if this isme wanting to be around healthier people or this neuro stuff.I can have a tendency to isolate. Although I haven't done that in a few years.I do get melancholy on Sundays, and today is Sunday.I don't want my decisions to detach to be coming from medication. I want it to be from getting healthier and wanting to stick with winners.Can anyone relate? Can we talk about Isolation vs just time alone???????

I can relate! I am going through withdrawal and need to be around people but can't stand being with people at the same time! Been a dilemma all my life. Don't know the answer but share the problem!

I have been on various antidepressants for 25 years. They no longer benefit me and alas, maybe even made my depression worse so I decided to taper off them altogether. I am now in a state of withdrawal and am very frightened as I understand this uncomfortable feeling I have could go on for a long time!

I have lately been on Prozac 10 mg, Cytomel 10 mcg and Abilify. I felt lousy on that and my doctor put me on Desipramine which made me feel worse so I tapered off that. I went cold turkey off the Abilify which may be my problem. Was told not to bother tapering off Prozac since I was on such a low dose.

I was on nothing except Cytomel for 5 days and felt horrible so reinstituted the Prozac without much relief (10 mg).

Still feeling horrible so reinstated Abilify at 5 mg and feel better. Will need help tapering off that!

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Nutmeg I think that is part of WD.  Six of one and half a dozen of another.

 

I have a neighbor, helps everyone here.  His garage is like Home Depot.  His wife is seriously depressed, Hashimoto's and several other issues.  She does't help herself at all and is just waiting around the house to die.  Very sad.  She was in WD from Effexor and the psych sent her for ECT.

 

Soooo he is always looking to keep busy.  He shows up at my house in the evenings.  Or any other time.  I've had haircolor in my hair twice with him knocking at the door,  in my pajamas, whatever....

 

I do not like people coming over without calling.  And I especially do not want visitors at night.

 

This week I very nicely set a boundary about calling first, not while he is knocking on the door. :blink: Not to come over in the evenings.  It goes in one ear and out the other. :unsure:

 

I find myself keeping the outside lights off...gate locked and not answering the phone. :ph34r: Like a Ninja in my own home.  Would you believe this crap.

 

He is actually a very nice person, so I took my friend Rae's advise.  "Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean."  I did this today.  Again.  I don't plan on doing it again.  It is invasive.

 

Should it continue I will take my friend Rae's second bit of advise......Detach

 

My down time is in the evenings.  It is not isolating - it's just what I need for me.  Unfortunately there are those that don't get it.

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Follow up to previous message about paranoia I've been feeling. Turns out I wasn't paranoid....or wasn't imagining that a "friend" was taking stabs at me on Facebook. A mutual friend confided in me that "friend" #1 was, indeed, acting antagonistically toward me because she wants to be able to stay at home and not work and is envious that I don't work (NOT by my choice). This person is a therapist in whom I have confided about the loss of my career due to neck injury at 39. She also knows all about my recent medical problems and family issues. I feel very hurt by her passive aggressive comments, especially because I (perhaps wrongly) expect a slightly higher level of understanding from a trained professional.

 

Anyway, I'm thankful that our mutual friend told me she was seeing what I thought I was imagining.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 3 weeks later...

Realization that I do not have much time alone.  I have people in and out of my house all the time.  Customers picking up and dropping off their dogs, daughter and boyfriend (whom live with me), their friends.....etc.

 

My neighbor Tracey commented on it recently.  So even if I wanted to isolate, I can't.  I love that it is dark out in the AM, I have about a 1/2 hour to myself, to go on FB, come on here, journal and take a few minutes of silence to say some prayers.  Just realized this is my only  time alone.

 

I am not complaining....I do like that I have a busy life, but boy would I like some more privacy.

 

My neighbor who keeps showing up here.....is very invasive and I had to detach and tell me for the 5th time in two months to not show up at my door.  The lock on my gate (wooden door) rusted, so I am having someone put in a new lock to keep the neighbor out. :)

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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