Blossom71: wanting to be sertraline free

[CeruleanSea]

Hi @Blossom71 wow, it seems like we are no on a similar timeline with cutting down from 50 mg of setraline to off the meds.    I am hoping to do 10% month by month, calculated against last dose.   Planning to reduce to as low as I can and still be functional, if that makes sense.    

 

Was anxiety your original diagnosis? That is mine -- anxiety and some panic. 

 

Thanks for visiting my page.  

[Blossom71]

Hi @CeruleanSea

 

Nice to see you here. Thanks for stopping by ☺️

 

Yes it was prescribed for crippling anxiety after an event triggered PTSD from a previous traumatic medical procedure. There were also a lot of other things going on at the time so it has been brewing for a while but the event tipped me over the edge.

 

it will be nice to have a taper buddy! 😃

[Blossom71]

Today is the last day of my first 10% drop 🎉. All my symptoms have pretty much disappeared and the last week and a half has been good. There has been some anxiety from some work deadlines and my son is having massive issues at school but I’ve worked hard to manage these with better breathing, facing/accepting/floating and taking breaks for a walk - which helps massively.

 

So tomorrow I’m ready to start my next drop down from 45mg to 40.5mg. 
 

I’ve booked some counselling sessions starting next week. I’m not sure I need them but figured it couldn’t hurt to talk though a few things.

 

onwards and upwards!!

[Rrsfc]

That was good to read, I'm glad you're doing ok! Counselling is good to unburden yourself and go through some issues you may need to talk about. We all have issues... Hope everything continues to work well for you, congratulations on what you have already achieved 😘

[Blossom71]

Thanks @Rrsfc

 

It’s a long time since I’ve had any counselling sessions. There has been a lot going on since last time I saw her with the pandemic, 2 family deaths, home working, homeschooling and my son who is now having major issues at secondary school.  

 

All this stuff could de-rail me if I’m not careful and am looking forward to brain dumping all that to my counsellor who I have known around 15 years. I know she will help me unpick it all and process it.

 

Also, last summer I started to take more control over my health, so I gave my diet a massive overhaul, lost 28lbs, started practising better self-care and started exercising. I started to feel a massive shift in my brain once I became healthier and some of the stuff buried deep started to come up to the surface.  I don’t want that to stop as I definitely felt like I was ready to start processing more of that trauma.

So it feels good to be arranging to see her when I’m not in crisis, and me taking charge of my well-being in a proactive way x

[Rrsfc]

I believe you're on the right track and congratulations for all the things you've done for yourself. I know from experience it's hard, takes discipline and commitment to see results. But it feels so good when our brain starts to improve and we get to a place of hope and happiness. Just be careful with the resurfacing trauma and the medication drops, the two together may unbalance you a little. So go slow, don't feel pressured to go faster than your body is prepared on both these things. Last time I tried to come down my meds I was too focused on the end line and things didn't go well, I went too fast, this time I only remember I'm tapering when I come to this forum or it's time to decide if I hold or drop. I try to think of other things, other projects to keep my mind busy since it Will take so long. Otherwise I'll get frustrated. It's very positive having a trusted counsellor on your side. Best wishes to you, I hope everything continues to go well!

[CeruleanSea]

I’m so glad to note that your discontinuation symptoms from the first drop have abated! 
 

Good luck with your next drop. Hoping it goes smoothly.

 

I’m hoping you can see the therapist soon. In my area, I can see my therapist video call due to the pandemic. Is that possible (or even desirable) for you? 

[Blossom71]

Hi @CeruleanSea

 

I have a telephone appointment with her next week. I would rather have had face time face - especially as I’m a bit phone phobic - but that’s all she’s offering at the moment unfortunately.  It does make it easier to fit it in around work though as she’s about a 35 min drive away from me.

[Sunnylight]

Hi @Blossom71 happy to read things are going pretty good for you! I really hope the journey continues like this for you ❤️

[Blossom71]

Hi @Sunnylight

 

That was such a coincidence. I was reading your thread when the notification came through 😀

 

Thank you for the kind wishes x

[Blossom71]

It's Day 3 of my drop to 20.5mg and things are ok so far.   Some side effects - tiredness, slight palpitations, less appetite, slight headache, muscles aching - but they are all manageable, but one thing I've noticed is that there are no internal vibrations this time - which I was fully expecting.  I remembered that they dropped off at the back end of my last taper.  When I looked back at my daily notes (NOW i know why keeping the notes are so important!) I noticed that they disappeared...….the day after I started taking Magnesium!     May be a coincidence but I'm hoping not.  The internal buzzing was the thing I found the hardest to ignore

I started on 50mg (1/4 of a tablet) and upped it to 100mg on 1st Feb. i was planning on leaving it a week or so and up it again to 150mg and see where i go from there.

[CeruleanSea]

Glad to hear things are going well so far!  

 

2 hours ago, Blossom71 said:

It's Day 3 of my drop to 20.5mg and things are ok so far.   

Did you mean a drop to 40.5, not 20.5?  

2 hours ago, Blossom71 said:

When I looked back at my daily notes (NOW i know why keeping the notes are so important!) I noticed that they disappeared...….the day after I started taking Magnesium! 

That's great!  Probably not a coincidence, magnesium does so much in the body.   I myself use it for muscle cramps.

[Blossom71]

Just now, CeruleanSea said:

Did you mean a drop to 40.5, not 20.5?

Yes I did! Thanks for pointing that out 😂

 

[Sunnylight]

Happy to read all your updates, and that they are mainly positive! I hope things keep going to be good for you ❤️

[Blossom71]

Thank you @Sunnylight

 

It’s been a strange couple of days since my Friday update, with some different symptoms that I’m not sure are withdrawal or something else.  But hopefully they won’t stay around too long! X

[Blossom71]

I've had a rough couple of days and I'm feeling really out of sorts. I am sooooo tired.

I had a late night on Friday, and Saturday was pretty awful. Sunday was slightly better but It was an effort doing anything at all and I have felt really gloomy, and irritable.

The same happened a couple of weeks ago with a late night and I put it down to having a couple of alcoholic drinks, but on Friday I didn't drink so it's not that. So it's clear that I need up to up my sleep hours to remain functional, so I'll be going to bed earlier whenever I can.

 

The only other main symptom i am suffering this drop is feeling really 'unsettled'. I guess its a feeling of impending doom.   But that's probably because I'm so tired.

 

[ChessieCat]

  

11 minutes ago, Blossom71 said:

Hi @Madelyn

 

In the next couple of days i will be making the switch to making my own sertraline liquid.  I did a test and mine dissolves almost immediately in water.  I am still at a higher dose than you but i figured that i could get my dose more accurate with liquid.   Good luck! x

 

Q:  Are you aware that it is a good idea to do a cross over when changing form of your drug?

 

And it is suggested that you do not make any other changes at the same time, so you would not do a reduction when changing from tablet to liquid.

 

cross-over-changing-form-eg-tablet-to-liquid-of-drug-or-changing-brand-of-same-drug

[Blossom71]

Thanks ChessieCat 

 

Yes, I was planning on switching over to 1/4 liquid and 3/4 tablet for the last weeks of this drop then doing 1/2 and 1/2 for a week or 2 then 3/4 liquid etc. 

I’ll be keeping that same dose until I’ve switched 100% over to liquid and I’m feeling ok.  I’m in no rush.

 

I just thought I’d rather do it sooner than later. Cutting and weighing the tablets is a pain as I ended up going through about 40 to get 28 of the right weight as I kept cutting too much off.  
 

I thinking liquid will stand me in better stead to be more flexible in my % drops as I go and definitely help me when the dosages get lower.

 

Thanks for keeping an eye on me 😀

[Blossom71]

It's Day 10 of my drop and things are going pretty well.  The worst days were 4, 5 and 6 but the symptoms are manageable using some calming techniques (stretching, yoga, walking, silly games on my phone). I'm logging daily symptoms and this drop has followed a similar pattern to the last drop, so if it carries on that way I should be levelling out in the next couple of days all being well.

I woke up with very mild jittering today and the top of my head prickling, but I've put my SAD lamp on and had some Magnesium and feeling ok.

 

Still eating well, I have a couple of weak decaf coffee each day and have changed the 1 caffeinated drink of tea i have per day to decaf too. 

One thing that is hugely improved is my digestion, sluggish bowels and bloating. I suspect that's the magnesium although it could also be that I've dropped Omeprazole slightly. 

 

Haven't quite decided when to switch over to making my own liquid yet, but there's no rush. 

[Blossom71]

My symptoms did level out as I thought and I woke up on Friday feeling pretty good, and it's continued on.

 

Today I have a bit of Monday morning blues but that's pretty normal for me. I don't really like my job so don't look forward to getting stuck in on a Monday morning. It doesn't help that I'm still working from home so the transition from 'my time' to 'work time' is hard at the start of the week when I've had a lovely 2 days doing whatever I want.   We are starting to transition back into the office the odd days so I might have a day in this week. I can't be bothered in some respects but being in the city centre with loads of people around does help my mental health, so I need to push myself to do it.

 

I started my transition from tablet to liquid this weekend by having my dose as 1/4 liquid and 3/4 tablet.   My heart was beating a little harder after I'd taken the first dose but that didn't happen the 2nd night and there have been no other issues.   The tablets dissolve REALLY quickly and quite often they start dissolving in my mouth by the time I've got my water, so that might explain why I'm not seeing much of a difference.

 

Anyway, I'll just see how it goes on 1/4 liquid for a few days and go from there.

[Rrsfc]

Glad to know you are doing OK, I didn't like my job either (I was trained in another profession I had to quit because of my mental issues) but then I began to think of little things to be grateful for, like the feeling of acomplishment it gives me completing a task, of course the money, etc. It changed my perspective and now I am working on being more competent at it and giving my best. I am finding other activities to compensate for the things I miss of my old life. It's a process but I am getting there and now I like it more than I used to. Hope you continue to do well 😘

[Blossom71]

Thanks @Rrsfc for your words of wisdom, It's got me thinking

 

I do need a change of thinking around work.   I used to be really good at my job but with some setbacks (multiple org structure changes leading to multiple roles over a couple of years) knocked my confidence.  The meds have also had a negative impact on my self confidence as I find it hard to have the same motivation I once had.

But I am absolutely as capable as I was, I guess I just need to believe in myself a little more.   And I probably need to break down the large ongoing pieces of work in to smaller tasks so I at least feel a sense of accomplishment. I think that would help me.

 

I also started feeling the urges to be creative over the weekend, so that's a really good sign. My creative pursuits were always a large part of my fulfilment but ironically, the times I need that the most is also the time when I feel less motivated.   I am going to get my sewing out tonight. I nearly did yesterday but then procrastinated so long I ran out of time 😆

 

Procrastination has been my middle name for most of the time I've been on these meds.

[Rrsfc]

You have to go easy on yourself, the meds, the mental challenges we go through they change us... Self-compassion is very important, doing your best and always thinking that is good enough for now, that you are enough as you are. There will come times when you'll be able to give more, to be more. Don't get discouraged, each day is a new day of opportunities. Our mindset is very important, I completely changed my view on my work and I am happier, more fulfilled, more free of all the negative energy I was carrying by doing something I didn't want to. I chose to see things differently, I chose being grateful and appreciating what I do have instead of crying about what I've lost. I try to be present in the moment, dividing things into tasks like you said helps. Think of the people that benefit from the work you do. Whatever it is it is important, we're all important in our own way. I am a very creative person too 😊 and I find ways to express it that are also useful to me or my household. I have a sewing machine and did some tablecloths and pillow cases. I also make my own skincare products, I like to cook and surprise friends and family with new flavours. It's all very empowering, I feel more confident and it has helped my self-esteem very much too.

[Blossom71]

Thank you lovely @Rrsfc 😘

As well as coming off the meds I hope to gain your wisdom. Your post made me weep a little as I realised that although I’ve been working on acceptance and better self care I’m still a long way from where I need to be.  I’ll keep coming back to this post to remind myself of the small things I can do.

 

Maybe this is something that the counsellor can help me with as I know I’m holding myself back. She’s recommended a book to me called “strong at the broken places”, based on some things we talked about in our last session. I am not a survivor of childhood abuse but she think the concepts will still apply.  

[Rrsfc]

Strong at the broken places, such a nice meaningful title 👍. I'll google it. Stay strong, it's a Journey, no one has it all figured out, we learn along the way 😊 make each day count!

[CeruleanSea]

I read this piece on how working from home & the pandemic have caused reduced identification with & meaning from work: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/15/magazine/anti-ambition-age.html?smid=url-share

 

i have to say I can relate to some of this!

 

I’m going to the office 2 days a week right now. I do get a boost from it & feel more connected to others there as a result.  
 

Our current office schedule has been intended to reduce exposure to Covid & has worked so far!  Some of the people I work with most closely have been infected, but did not pass the virus on to any coworkers. So that is a plus. 

@blossom71, is there anything in particular that you could enjoy from going in person? 

[Blossom71]

Thanks for dropping by @CeruleanSea 😘

 

I didn't manage to read the article. Apparently I've reached my limit of free articles so i have to pay 🙄, It's not much so might do anyway as there is quite often interesting things in the NY Times.

 

The things i enjoy about going to office is feeling part of things. I'm in such a small bubble at home that I do miss being around lots of people and the bustle of the city centre.  I get the bus to work and i even love that. Oh, and having a wonderful array of places i can buy a lovely lunch from!

 

I was unwell from lunchtime Tues and Weds which explains why i was feeling a bit miserable on Monday eve and Tuesday morning. But i've bounced back pretty quick and feeling pretty good today.  So no trip to the office this week, and i have Monday and Tuesday booked off but i may go in on Weds next week. My husband will be off with my son at home for the school holidays so it will help them if I'm not working, then they can play video games as loud as they want.

[CeruleanSea]

@Blossom71 I’m glad that you’re feeling better!  
 

I honestly used to really enjoy taking the bus & chatting with my neighbors heading the same way. I’m in a new neighborhood now & must drive, but I miss those days!

 

I can relate to kids being home on holiday! We’ve just had 4 days of this — one child’s school last week & then this week.

[Blossom71]

I’m at the end of week 3 of my drop and things are going well. In general the symptoms have been lower this drop for some reason and they levelled out probably after about 11 or 12 days.
So I’ve been transitioning from tablets to homemade liquid with no problems and am now at 100% liquid.  I’m guessing that as they dissolve so quickly in water (5 mins at the most) it isn’t making much of a difference with how the drug is entering my blood stream.

 

I have noticed that in the last few days my ears have been popping a lot but we’ve had a ton of storms and I am pretty sensitive to pressure changes, so I am assuming it’s down to that. I think the weather is due to settle soon so in this coming week so i should be work out if it’s WD or barometric pressure. 

I am also now on 10mg omeprazole. I’ve stepped down from 20 to 15 to 10mg in roughly 3 week intervals by emptying the beds from the capsules then making my own capsules. My stomach and digestion is WAY better than it’s been in a long time so they clearly weren’t doing me much good. I drop down to 6.5 during this coming week for around 3 weeks then the last batch will be 3mg. 

 

I've also cut promethazine down a bit. I have been consistently having real trouble getting hold of the 25mg tablets during the pandemic but I can get 10mg ones without a problem. I’m currently on 22.5mg ( 1/2 a 25mg + 1 10mg = 22.5mg) and once I’ve used up the rest of my 25mg tablets I will drop to 20mg and stick. The drop hasn’t made any difference at all to my sleep.

 

I know that’s all probably adding more variables than is sensible but my thinking I’d do these while my sertraline is still at a higher dose and the drops are not too problematic

[CeruleanSea]

I'm glad things are going so well!   May they continue to be well.

[Blossom71]

So I’m now doing the Brassmonkey slide method and I’m on day 1 of my second 2.5% drop.

The last week has been strange. Some symptoms kicked in day 4 as usual but we’re milder, with none of the internal buzzing. Yay! That’s the symptom that bothered me the most.

 

But it has been altogether a rough week. I have around 40 colleagues in Ukraine so that has been weighing heavily on my mind. Every moment that I’ve not been working, running my house or tending to my son has been taken up with the Ukraine situation. I’m frustrated that I can’t do anything to help my colleagues and It has sapped all my energy. I feel exhausted and was finding it hard to function yesterday.

 

I can’t work out how much of how I’m feeling is situational or the drops. So I’m going to carry on with my second 2.5% drop and then reevaluate at the end of the week. I may just stick where I am for a bit rather than upsetting the apple cart to much.
 

[Rrsfc]

Hi, I'm feeling upset about the war too. I try not to see a lot of footage, I tend to get upset, cry. If you are feeling emotional upheaval it is wise to consider holding  your dosage while you feel that way. Remember it's a journey not a marathon. Last time I tried to come down I was too eager and I suffered a lot of symptoms, ended up having another mental crisis. It's just not worth it, slow and steady wins the race 😉. Hope you have a good day.

 

 

[Blossom71]

@Rrsfc  It's heart breaking isn't it.   I had to take my son to the hospital all day yesterday for a drug allergy test for aspirin. It was pretty boring as we just basically sat there all day while they upped the amount they gave him in tiny increments, but it was actually a break. No work, no TV to watch the news, and no house chores that were shouting at me to be done.  (The outcome of the trail was that he's also allergic to aspirin as well so he can't take any NSAIDs at all). 

 

I was feeling angry for a few days about the war but then on Tuesday I just sobbed for a while. That helped get some of the pent up feelings out and got rid of the knot in my stomach I hadn't even realised was there. So I'll see how I feel over this week. I'm in no rush.  I was also considering changing the day I drop so that day 4 falls on a Friday. That is usually when symptoms kick in and a quieter day at work, then I have the weekend to get more rest.    But my priority at the moment is good self care and to listen to my body.

[Blossom71]

The fatigue hasn’t been as bad today as it was Thurs and Friday. I wasn’t very functional at all and looking back I’m not sure how I got through those 2 days. No other usual withdrawal symptoms at all though so not sure it has anything to do with my drops. 

I felt reasonably good today until the fatigue kicked in around 2pm, but even then it’s not as bad as it was yesterday. 
 

It could be just a stress response, or maybe I’m fighting some sort of bug, who knows. Other than my usual little Saturday morning walk to the local market and the butchers I’ve done absolutely nothing today, so I might just have needed some rest.

[Rrsfc]

Sometimes is hard to understand what's going on with our bodies... With some rest with luck you'll get better soon 😘

[CeruleanSea]

@Blossom71 I’m glad to hear the fatigue is better.

 

I’m feeling for your colleagues in Ukraine. Of course you are stressed about it!  I’m hoping Ukraine has peace soon.