Amanda167

[Shep]

On 8/19/2019 at 7:39 AM, Amanda167 said:

Is this common?

 

Will this pass too?

 

I would discourage you from asking these types of repetitive questions. You are teaching your brain learned helplessness. It's best to say things like, "I'm feeling bad today, but that doesn't mean I won't heal. I can do _____ and ______, which I couldn't do earlier." 

 

Fill in the blanks with things you are able to do now that you couldn't do when you were having, say, those so-called "psychotic" symptoms that you described earlier. The more you can teach your brain to focus on what you can do, as opposed to what you can't do, you will build up resiliency. This is a great technique for neuroplasticity. 

 

Even if you are doing worse, instead of drilling that into yourself, try something like "I'm having the worst day so far, but I'm going to do what I can do make it through today, knowing there will be much better days ahead." 

 

Because there are numerous symptoms of withdrawal, whatever you're feeling, you can bet you'll find it here as "normal for withdrawal": 

 

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

For more on neuroplasticity, please see: 

 

Healing from antidepressants: The power of neuroplasticity video (7.5 minutes)

 

By repeatedly questioning your ability to heal, you are playing into something called the "dark side of neuroplasticity":

 

Norman Doidge - The Dark Side of Neuroplasticity video (2 minutes)

 

The more you can program your brain for healing, the better, even if you have to "fake it til you make it." Rest when you need, but don't give your brain a workout by going into dark places. That will make the low mood and fatigue a lot worse. 

 

 

On 8/19/2019 at 7:19 PM, Amanda167 said:

2pm. Went downstairs to distract. Played some music with my Son, definitely lifted my mood to a 5 or 6.

 

This is excellent, Amanda. Please try to play music everyday and see if this can be a powerful form of non-drug coping and healing for you.

 

 

[Amanda167]

1 hour ago, Shep said:

Even if you are doing worse, instead of drilling that into yourself, try something like "I'm having the worst day so far, but I'm going to do what I can do make it through today, knowing there will be much better days ahead." 

Hi Shep

 

Thank you. I need to try and stay positive.

Had a not so great day yesterday and got a severe migraine which has stayed all night and still with me. Feeling extremely tired no matter how much I sleep, should I try and rest or force myself to do things???

 

Sorry I didn't to diary last  night, my head is killing me.

 

Really wanted to get out yesterday but didn't because of this and low mood. Tomorrow is a new day x

 

[Amanda167]

21/08/2019

 

9am. .375mg zoplicone 

9.30am. .40mg valium 

 

Went back to sleep, very anxious, finally got up 12.30pm.

 

Still bad migraine which started yesterday, bad guts too consistently 

 

1pm. Had food plus smoothie.

 

1pm _ 5pm. Mostly agitated, very tired, hot, severe migraine, low mood and pd off I'm stuck in my bedroom once again.

 

5.30pm. Had a mass angry outsprout and crying fit from pure frustration. Punching pillows, etc.

 

6pm. Ate dinner in bed. 

 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil 

 

8pm. Had bath, feeling crap but head is not so bad.

 

8.45pm. Walked dog to park.

9pm. .60mg valium ( took whilst out)

 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

10.15. Done some chores and ironing.

 

Midnight. Got into bed. 

[Shep]

22 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Feeling extremely tired no matter how much I sleep, should I try and rest or force myself to do things???

 

You'll have to find the balance of getting things done and resting. From your diaries, it's clear you're already spending a bit of time every day doing basic household chores so they don't pile up, so you're already a good judge of what you can and can't do. Even if it's only 10 or 15 minutes a day spent doing a chore, it helps. 

[Amanda167]

22/08/19 diary

 

9am. .375 zoplicone 

9.30am. .40 valium 

Woke up to really bad stomach and the runs again. Head, chest manageable but a little sick, anxious and agitated.

11am. Food.

1pm to 6pm. Spent in the garden, was feeling a little better as the day went on but still anxious.

6.30. Made dinner, cleaned up.

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil 

7.15pm. Had bath, feeling not to bad.

7.40pm. Went shops, came home then went Sainsbury's and to walk the dog.

9pm. .60 valium 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

10.30. Had some cereal. Doing chores, etc. 

The day ended up Not to bad but mornings are more riddled with anxiety. I'm finding I'm very snappy probably because of the nervous energy. X

[Amanda167]

11 hours ago, Shep said:

Even if it's only 10 or 15 minutes a day spent doing a chore, it help

Hi Shep

Yes, my house is still probably cleaner than most people's. I have OCD so make sure I keep on top of things even if I can only manage 5 mins here and there.

 

[Anthony75]

Hi Amanda, 

Just wanted to stop by and say hi. Haven’t been on the site lately but I read through your thread and I’m so happy that you’re getting windows. You’re on your way to stabilization. Again so happy for you. Wishing you a window, Anthony 

[Shep]

11 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

The day ended up Not to bad but mornings are more riddled with anxiety. I'm finding I'm very snappy probably because of the nervous energy. X

 

You may want to play a musical instrument for 15 or 30 minutes, or even just 5 minutes, during this "nervous energy" time. Might help soothe your nervous system a bit and set you up for a better day. 

 

 

[Amanda167]

3 hours ago, Shep said:

You may want to play a musical instrument for 15 or 30 minutes, or even just 5 minutes, during this "nervous energy" time. Might help soothe your nervous system a bit and set you up for a better day. 

Hi Shep 

Started today with 3 hours solid cleaning upstairs, done all Windows and wardrobe mirrors.

Sitting down now and anxiety creeps in 🙄

Hopefully will lesson later on, makes me really snappy and short fused.

My stomach and head are not as bad today,  about a level 3... so grateful for that and so grateful I can get a few things done, just if the anxiety would leave, I want to make it to my caravan which I haven't got to this year.. that would be lovely x

 

[Amanda167]

5 hours ago, Anthony75 said:

Hi Amanda, 

Just wanted to stop by and say hi. Haven’t been on the site lately but I read through your thread and I’m so happy that you’re getting windows. You’re on your way to stabilization. Again so happy for you. Wishing you a window, Anthony 

Hi Anthony.

 

Thank you so much x

 

Not quite there but definitely seeing some improvements which is a huge relief after 7 months 

 

How are you doing? X

[Amanda167]

23/08/19 diary

 

9am. .375 zoplicone 

9.30am. .40mg valium 

 

Got up at 10.30am. Slight headache, stomach ache, less than usual. Anxiety still present.

 

10.40. Food 

 

11am. Spent 3 plus hours spring cleaning upstairs 

 

2.30pm went in garden for a while whilst doing washing, etc. Anxiety present.

 

5pm. Food. Very anxious.

 

5.30pm. Started spring cleaning downstairs, windows, etc plus front porch... keeping anxiety at bay.

 

7pm. 2mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil 

 

Still cleaning.

 

8.30pm. Bath/hair wash

 

9pm. .60mg valium.. Very snappy and agitated.

 

10.30pm. 340mg zopiclone (late)

 

Had a very productive day, the main symptom is the anxiety and it's very unsettling. 

[Shep]

How are you doing, Amanda? 

[Amanda167]

On 8/26/2019 at 1:32 PM, Shep said:

How are you doing, Amanda? 

Hi Shep

 

Sorry I haven't been on here, I've been staying with my dad who has no internet as lives in a mobile home, couldn't even call out as no reception.

 

I had a few ok days but now feeling crap again.

 

The diarreah is constant and my head hurts so much I struggle to talk. The nausea has lessoned.

I'm very irritated and very grumpy, I keep snapping at people I love because I'm so frustrated that I'm still suffering so badly.

 

I had a full day out but the next day, I was completely exhausted.

I even went shopping on my own during the day for my dad as he has a hernia. I'm definitely getting out more but I'm still really struggling with the symptoms and the heat is not making it easy.

 

Any tips on how to help my head?

It's so uncomfortable and I can't even hold a conversation without my head feeling like it will explode.

 

I will do my diary from this evening.

 

Hope you're well

 

Amanda x

[Anthony75]

Hi Amanda,

I’m doing ok thank you for asking. You will keep getting better and better. Wishing you a long window, Anthony 

[Shep]

On 8/29/2019 at 8:50 AM, Amanda167 said:

Any tips on how to help my head?

It's so uncomfortable and I can't even hold a conversation without my head feeling like it will explode.

 

 

It sounds like the extra stress of being away from home may be making things worse.

 

Head symptoms are very common, as you can see from members' experiences here:

 

Head Symptoms

 

Hopefully you'll feel better now that you're back home. 

[Amanda167]

30 minutes ago, Shep said:

sounds like the extra stress of being away from home may be making things worse.

Hi Shep

 

Unfortunately the head symptoms are still very much present and very uncomfortable. This is making me very distressed and angry... I'm constantly between crying and anger  am super frustrated and agitated.

I went doctors yesterday and ended up swearing in the doctors and to the receptionist. They keep messing up my prescriptions and I'm at a point where I have zero tolerance. So far away from who I am but can't seem to curb this rage. I apologised after but I'm at my wits end. Don't want to go out as scared if someone upsets me and I fly into a fit of rage.

I still have bad guts and a feeling of burning anxiety in my chest. I desperately want to go out but have no tolerance for anything or anyone at the moment. I detest waking up like this everyday, I even was snappy with my dad and my boy to which I've had to explain what's going on and apologise in advance... all I want to do is cry. Feeling really uncomfortable and so far away from my usual happy self. I ranted at the doctor for destroying people's lives by their poisons... I'm so mad!!!! Please tell me this passes.

 

Sorry never wrote my diary again because I was up til 2am trying to catch field mice in my house, dragged every appliance out in my kitchen again as they keep getting in. Promise to write tonight.

 

Also, I'm really dreading my Son going back to school as I'll be on my own again.

 

I need to find ways to cope with this rage... this is so unfair on all of us!!! Do you think one of my meds could be causing this or just withdrawals?

 

Amanda x

[Amanda167]

Diary for 30th August 2019

 

.375mg zoplicone 9am

.40 valium 9.35am

Woke up low angry mood, head tension and diarreah.

11am. Had food.

Went back to my room after a few chores.

3.30pm. Still extremely angry like a constant surge from my chest area.

4.30pm. Went in garden for a while... crying again from sheer frustration. Head still hurts bad.

5.30. Food

6.30. Bath

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil. Still very low mood.

8pm. Took dog out and went supermarket shopping.

9.45 home.  10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

10.30, head started to ease as did anger but still low in mood.

 

I spend most of the days looking forward to going to bed as so agitated. Head tension is all day, everyday. Other symptoms are lessening but still present. Angry and depressed moods are taking over. 

[Amanda167]

31st Aug diary

 

9am. .375 zoplicone 

9.30. .40 valium 

 

Got up at 11am to make food, usual bad head, very agitated 

Came on period 🙄

 

2.45pm. Tried going outside, ended up back indoors, so angry, chest discomfort,  burning pains from my esophagus to raw head tention.

 

3.30pm. Done housework upstairs 

 

5.45pm. Dinner

 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil,. Can't stop crying today with feelings of hopelessness.

 

9pm. .50 valium 

9.20pm. Shower and walk round block for fresh air

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

 

Not a great day, stayed at home between rage and sobbing fits. 😔

[Amanda167]

02/09/19 diary.

 

9am. .375 zoplicone 

9.30am. .40 valium 

12pm. Finally got out of bed to make breakfast after awakening to bad head, burning chest and throat and agitation.

1pm. My dad came, crying fits again.

3.30pm. Dad left.

4.30pm. Bath. Went to shops, holding back tears and anger.

6pm. Dinner. Still feel same.

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil.

7.25pm. Walked dog.

9pm. .50 valium 

New brand again 🙄

9.30pm. Ate. Very grumpy and same symptoms.

10pm. 340mg zopiclone then done ironing.

12.30am. Bed

 

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep.

 

I've literally been between rage and sobbing real bad past 4 days.

I wrote a list of symptoms that have eased to try stay positive. 

My mind is clearer but still in alot of discomfort.  Glad my dad came as I was just going back to bed.

The throat burning is constant and I also have bad aches in my top of arms and legs, I've been doing stretching exercises and light weights to try and help this plus salt baths.

I didn't write the previous days diary as was super low and very tearful. I'm still forcing myself to do what I need to do no matter how I feel. 

 

Hope you're okay

 

Amanda x

 

[Shep]

39 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

9pm. .50 valium 

New brand again 🙄

 

How often are you having to switch brands? When was your last switch? 

 

 

[Amanda167]

On 9/3/2019 at 12:47 AM, Shep said:

 

How often are you having to switch brands? When was your last switch? 

 

 

Hi Shep

Last month. My prescriptions last 28 days.

I didn't know valium has generics too. I'm going to have to request the same one. It's a joke really.

Had 4 different brands, the latest one is really crumbly and just splits in pieces x

[Shep]

4 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I'm going to have to request the same one.

 

Yes, definitely try to stick with the same brand. This could also be a factor in upticks in symptoms. 

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep

 

Going to speak to my doctor about it on Friday. X

[Amanda167]

Tues 3rd diary.

 

9am. .375 zoplicone 

9.30am. .40 valium 

Got up at 8.30am. My symptoms were much better on a scale of 3 out of 10.

10am. Breakfast 

11.30am. Went farm with my Son... feeling slightly anxious

1.30pm. Back... still slightly anxious and upset stomach.

2pm. Lunch

5pm. Doctors,  chemist then straight to park to walk dog.

6.20pm. Home/dinner 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil 

9pm. Bath 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

 

Feeling much better than usually but still a little low and anxious. Symptoms are not as overwhelming today 😊 let's hope it continues.

[Shep]

11 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Feeling much better than usually but still a little low and anxious. Symptoms are not as overwhelming today 😊 let's hope it continues.

 

Excellent update, Amanda. I hope it continues, too. 

[Amanda167]

Thank you Shep.

 

Wed 4th Sept diary.

 

9am. .375 zoplicone 

9.30am. .40 valium 

Got up at 7.30, kept trying to go back to sleep.  Low mood. 1st day alone in months.

12pm. Breakfast then played games on phone.

1.30 -7pm. Anxiety, low mood, bad head still. Was spring cleaning kitchen and windows, etc

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil 

7pm. Had light dinner.

Still low mood

9pm. .50 valium 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

 

Overall, symptoms manageable although uncomfortable.  Didn't get out today. Low mood is bugging me the most x

 

 

[Shep]

13 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Overall, symptoms manageable although uncomfortable.  Didn't get out today. Low mood is bugging me the most x

 

I'm so glad you're seeing improvements.

 

You may want to schedule in some daily music therapy for the low mood. Works wonders.

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep.

 

What sort of music... playing or listening?

 

My biggest issue is my very low mood. Not able to laugh or smile.

Feeling like I've lost myself over these horrendous 7 months of torture.

 

My head is still bad and I'm getting back cramps and pains. They are definitely easing though from like a 10 to 1 3 to 5 out of ten. X

[Amanda167]

Thurs 05th Sept diary.

 

Woke up several times during the night. Head and chest pain level 3. Low mood, level 8

9am .375 zoplicone 

9.30. .40 valium 

11am. Breakfast.

12.30. Bath 

1.30 brother came until 4pm.

4pm. Cleaning. Anxiety and low mood 

Feeling very spaced out and unreal.

5.45pm. Dinner

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil Still low mood 

8pm. Walked dog 

8.50pm. Cereal 

9pm. .60 valium 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

 

Feeling very tired, depressed. Neck cramps and bad head.

 

[Shep]

14 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

What sort of music... playing or listening?

 

My biggest issue is my very low mood. Not able to laugh or smile.

 

You mentioned playing the recorder and the guitar. Those are excellent instruments to help with your symptoms of low mood.

[Amanda167]

On 9/6/2019 at 1:41 PM, Shep said:

mentioned playing the recorder and the guitar. Those are excellent instruments to help with your symptoms of low mood.

Hi Shep

 

The recorder is difficult because of the head tension. Been playing keyboard a little.

[Amanda167]

Fri 6th Sept diary 

 

Awoke at 2am, 6am, then hardly slept.

9am .40 valium 

9.30am. .375 zoplicone 

Bad head and feeling very tired and low in mood.

10.30. Left to go doctors and a few errands. Back at 2pm.

2.30pm. Lunch. Feeling low and agitated. 

4.30pm. Went to give my boy a cuddle, cried solid for an hour.

6.15pm Dinner - Had a weird weak and shaky feeling and hot flushes, was dripping in sweat, had the fan on full blast.

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil. Low mood. Bad head still.

7.30pm. If Ironing. Very weak and tired.

9pm. 340mg zopiclone 

9.30pm. Bath

10.30pm. Got into bed to watch a film.

 

Very tired, weak and low mood.

[Amanda167]

Sat 7th Sept diary 

 

.375 zop 9am

. 40 valium 9.25am Awoke to head pressure, diarreah and low anxiety.

10am. Breakfast.

11am My boy left for his dads. 1st WE alone in months.

1.30pm. Food. Chatted to a friend on phone... crying again.

2pm til 6.30pm. Drove to visit my sister then my mum. 40 min journey each way.

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil. Ok mood.

7pm. Dinner

9pm. .50 valium 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

Watched a few movies from 8pm

Went bed, was ok sleeping on my own in the house. 1st time.

[Amanda167]

Sun 8th Sept diary 

Sat 7th Sept diary 

 

.375 zop 9am

. 40 valium 9.25am Awoke to head pressure, diarreah and low anxiety and depression. Stayed in bed til 2pm.

2.30pm. Food

3.30pm. My boy home early from his dads. 

5.30pm. Food. Still low mood and headache. 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil. Still low in mood.

7.35pm. Walked dog

9pm. .50 valium 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

 

Very low moods, tearful still. Diarreah and head tension still present. Very tired.

 

[Amanda167]

Morning Shep or not available 

 

Do you think I can start reducing the quetiapine yet? I really want to start weaning off these added meds from May?

 

Thoughts appreciated x