Amanda167

[Amanda167]

Hi Sassenach 

I've copied into my drug signature.

 

Today's diary... 20/07/19

 

Awoke 8am but later in bed due to feeling depressed.

 

11pm. Valium 0.60

11.30. Bad stomach/diarreah again.

12pm. Had breakfast/lunch

 

1am to 6am. Basically feeling horrific as usual. Very high intense emotions and feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Mainly flipped between watching YouTube, chores and feeling overwhelmed still.

 

6.30pm. Dinner

7pm. 4mg quetiapine 

7pm. 10mg Paxil 

7pm. 0.40mg valium

 

8.30pm. Zoplicone 3.75mg 

 

8.45pm. Drove to park to walk dog. 

 

12pm. Going to bed

 

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Sassenach]

Well done your signature has updated

Please remember your diary in the morning

Sleep well 

Sassenach

[Sassenach]

Sorry re your diary came in in while I was dictating the previous post

[Amanda167]

Hi Anthony

 

Thanks again for taking the time to write back to me ❤

 

It took me 3 months and alot of effort to write on this site so I totally get where you're coming from. I wanted to so much but was way to physically sick to do so.

 

With regards to some family and friends not understanding what's going on, I don't expect them to, how could they possibly understand so as far as that goes, I have totally accepted it for what it is, like you say, not worth the additional stress.

 

I've literally read so much and have been studying health, big pharma or big Harma as I call them for many years. I appreciate your recommendations greatly, Baylissa Frederick is great but I've never read her book, may buy it tonight.

 

My boy is my world, he is already an incredible young man and I never put it like you just did so thank you for that ! This will indeed teach him about compassion too.

I do put alot of pressure and guilt up in myself and I know it doesn't help and I shouldn't feel guilty for something that is beyond my control but I can't help feeling an overwhelming guilt even though he'd choose to help me over everything else in a heartbeat... still tears me up inside. 

 

Thank you again for the mention of emotional blunting,  it really is because we are so flat out physically and emotionally fatigued,  plus all our systems are heavily taxed and spend most of our days on permanent survival mode. It is even difficult to speak or look at my boy at times, want to cuddle him so bad but have severe agitation, such a horrible symptom.

 

Are you now off the meds?

Was you polydrugged too?

 

Sorry, I'll read your story xx

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Amanda167]

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hi, Amanda. Please do post those daily notes when you have them organized.

 

I noticed you are not taking your Valium doses 12 hours apart. Please choose a regular schedule for them. I would like to see something like 10 a.m. and 10 p.m., with the intention of replacing the zopiclone dose with Valium. FYI @Shep

Hi Altostrata 

 

Can I do this change immediately??

 

I'm very concerned about increasing the valium to come off the zopiclone as I feel it makes me depressed and feel like I've now tapered down from it  it may not work for me 😓

 

I can hold on my current dose but couldn't I just taper the zopiclone slowly whilst holding on all the other meds???

 

Is there an alternative option as only been on it for 9 weeks... what's your thoughts?

 

I know the Ashton manual states 5mg of valium to substitute 375mg of zoplicone. Would that mean 2 doses of 2.5mg daily?

 

Many thanks 

Amanda x

[Amanda167]

I posted my daily diary to Sassenach,  do you require it too?

Not sure how this all works yet

 

Many thanks x

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Amanda167]

21 minutes ago, Sassenach said:

Well done your signature has updated

Please remember your diary in the morning

Sleep well 

Sassenach

No worries 

You too x

[Anthony75]

Hi Amanda167,

Hope you’re feeling well. Yes I’m still on Paxil unfortunately. I don’t know why but I assumed you were new to this site and new to withdrawals. Didn’t mean to talk to you like you didn’t know anything. I just want to help. If you ever need to talk I’m here. I hope the best for you and your son. Best wishes, Anthony 

[Sassenach]

Good morning Amanda

 

I will leave Alto to answer your questions.

You can see from your drug signature thet you have been pretty much varying the doses of 3 drugs during that time.

It will take time for your CNS to settle but follows Alto's advice and it will happen.

I do have a concern regarding Zopiclone. Your last diary says

12 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

8.30pm. Zoplicone 3.75mg 

 

8.45pm. Drove to park to walk dog

Zopiclone is prescribed as a sleeping pill and you are driving after taking it.

You are also taking Zopiclone at 8.30 pm and not going to bed until midnight, by which time it is 3.5 hrs into its half life and by the early hours ineffective.

I was on it for a while and took it 30 mins before bed.

You do not need to post diary seperately to Alto just on here. It was just that Alto posted before you did.

Hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Sassenach

 

[Amanda167]

Hi Sassenach 

 

Yes, I take it early as I believe it's lost its effectiveness,  I don't feel tired on it at all, I'm wanting to come off of it badly but am only taking it through fear of more withdrawals 

 

I feel extremely nausea and constant upset stomach. So hard to get through the day when I feel so sick. The chest and head pressure and discomfort have eased by 50% for the 1st time in months over the past 3 days but the nausea and stomach upset has amplified as the depression has too.

How long am I expected to feel so sick? It only eases a little from 7/8pm. I'm so sick of it. Is there anything I can do to ease it?

Body aches as well. Really getting me down.

 

Any advice appreciated 

 

Also, Alto suggests increasing valium to come off zoplicone,  should I get stable 1st?? Should I still hold on the quetiapine taper?

 

Thanks, Amanda x

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Amanda167]

Hi Anthony 

 

Hope you're good 

 

I am new to the site.

 

Been feeling incredibly sick and have constant stomach upset,  driving me insane. Can you relate?

Making me so depressed. 

 

I appreciate you being here for me 

 

My days are pure torture.

 

Are you just on the Paxil or other meds too.

 

X

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Shep]

14 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Can I do this change immediately??

 

I'm very concerned about increasing the valium to come off the zopiclone as I feel it makes me depressed and feel like I've now tapered down from it  it may not work for me 😓

 

I can hold on my current dose but couldn't I just taper the zopiclone slowly whilst holding on all the other meds???

 

Is there an alternative option as only been on it for 9 weeks... what's your thoughts?

 

I know the Ashton manual states 5mg of valium to substitute 375mg of zoplicone. Would that mean 2 doses of 2.5mg daily?

 

We recommend only moving a drug one hour a day, so you would do a gradual move until you have the Valium spaced out.

 

It's important to keep from taking too many sedating drugs at the same time at night, so please keep this in mind. Bunching up three sedating drugs at one time at night could cause a paradoxical reaction. When you dampen down the nervous system with a lot of sedating drugs, the nervous system fights to stay awake. This creates a paradoxical reaction and causes insomnia. 

 

On 6/20/2019 at 5:04 AM, Amanda167 said:

11am ... 0.60mg valium

7pm ... 0.40mg valium

9.30pm ... 6.25mg quetiapine 

9.30pm ... 10mg GSK Seroxat Paxil 

10pm ... 375mg Zoplicone for sleep

 

15 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

11pm. Valium 0.60

7pm. 4mg quetiapine 

7pm. 10mg Paxil 

7pm. 0.40mg valium

8.30pm. Zoplicone 3.75mg 

 

Please be very consistent with when you take your drugs. Also, as Sassenach, driving after taking a z drug isn't a good idea. I know it's not helping you with sleep right now, but please be mindful that it could still be affecting your reflexes and perception.

 

Why were you placed on quetiapine, valium, and zoplicone two months ago? Where they started at exactly the same time? Do you feel the Valium is more or less sedating than the z drug and quetiapine? Were you sleeping better at the higher dose of 6.25 mg quetiapine? These are questions geared to find out your level of dependency on the z drug, if it's possible to tell at this point. 

 

Please continue to make your daily drug and symptoms journal. You may be able to get off the z drug without increasing the Valium, depending on your level of dependency, but I would first gradually move the morning Valium back an hour a day until it's at 7 am, which would be 12 hours from when you take your evening dose. 

 

Also, please work on non-drug coping skills to help you wind down at night for sleep. Anything involving meditation and gentle stretching or yoga can be helpful.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

I didn't notice a mention of supplements in your thread, so I'll post some information. We don't recommend a lot of supplements, as many members report their nervous systems are simply too fragile to handle them. However, magnesium and fish oil tend to be calming to the nervous system and many people report they do help. Please only add in one supplement at a time and at a small dose. For more, please see:

 

 King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Having an evening ritual of an epsom salt bath, quiet music, meditation, and gentle stretching can be very helpful to guide you into sleep. If your thoughts wander, try this video:

 

Guided Meditation Deep sleep | anxiety and insomnia relief | relaxation before bedtime

 

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep.

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

Why were you placed on quetiapine, valium, and zoplicone two months ago? Where they started at exactly the same time? Do you feel the Valium is more or less sedating than the zdrug and quetiapine? Were you sleeping better at the higher dose of 6.25 mg quetiapine?These are questions geared to find out your level of dependency on the z drug.

 

I don't find the valium sedating at all. I didn't notice any sedation on the quetiapine at a higher dose, I felt alot of anger and badly want to get that out of my system. The zoplicone I used to be able to take an hour b4 bed and I'd have to sleep, now it doesn't have the same effect. I still sleep but am getting more anxiety going to sleep lately. 

so basically,  I don't feel any noticeable sedating from any of these meds. X

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Amanda167]

I will move the valium to 10am tomorrow then continue to drop down an hour daily

Thank you

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Amanda167]

5 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

Having an evening ritual of an epsom salt bath, quiet music, meditation, and gentle stretching can be very helpful to guide you into sleep. If your thoughts wander, try this video:

I do this every evening thanks

I also take krill capsules 1500mg daily and magnesium glycinate 500mg daily and 800mg Vit D3.

 

Is ok? X

[Shep]

4 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

I do this every evening thanks

I also take krill capsules 1500mg daily and magnesium glycinate 500mg daily and 800mg Vit D3.

 

Is ok? X

 

Going forward, please add your supplements into your daily drug and symptoms journal so we can see how they affect you within the context of your symptoms and when you take your drugs.

 

Are you taking any other drugs for any other health conditions? Or any over the counter drugs? 

 

Everything matters during withdrawal. 

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep 

I take it just before I walk the dog because I believe it helps with my anxiety.

I am to fearful to leave the house in the day as my anxiety is so bad 

I know it's not good but I have to get my dog out as she is a high energy dog (doberman) 

I can try without it but that would be moving my dose to 10pm instead. Would that be ok?

Also, do I need to stabalise and hold on everything still. As I'm gaining knowledge,  I feel it would be best to get off of the zopiclone 1st and foremost and I'm very scared.. I don't want to become dependant on it.

What's your thoughts please?

Living in constant fear 😓

Thanks, Amanda x

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Shep]

Just now, Amanda167 said:

I know it's not good but I have to get my dog out as she is a high energy dog (doberman) 

 

Do you have a friend or family member who can help you out with your dog? Just a thought. 

 

14 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

I don't find the valium sedating at all. I didn't notice any sedation on the quetiapine at a higher dose, I felt alot of anger and badly want to get that out of my system. The zoplicone I used to be able to take an hour b4 bed and I'd have to sleep, now it doesn't have the same effect. I still sleep but am getting more anxiety going to sleep lately. 

so basically,  I don't feel any noticeable sedating from any of these meds. X

 

3 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

I take it [Zoplicone ] just before I walk the dog because I believe it helps with my anxiety.

 

It looks like the Zoplicone may be helping more than any of your other drugs. Is this correct? 

 

Please continue with your drug and symptoms journal and include your supplements so we can sort this out. 

[Amanda167]

36 minutes ago, Shep said:

Why were you placed on quetiapine, valium, and zoplicone two months ago? Where they started at exactly the same time? Do you feel

Sorry, I didn't answer this.

 

I was placed on the valium 1st of May, placed on the quetiapine and zoplicone on the 14th of May by the phych ward after calling the ER. I was placed on them because of severe Paxil withdrawal which started the 8th of February upon reaching 7mg. I believe changed generics caused this as I was doing fine before the switch.

I was in hell, bedridden, severe insomnia, panic etc etc... in a very bad way... wish I'd never taken the other meds now but wasn't thinking straight and was desperate for relief.

I don't think any provided relief apart from the zopiclone as I badly needed sleep.

I also updosed at the same time.

 

[Amanda167]

2 minutes ago, Shep said:

Do you have a friend or family member who can help you out with your dog? Just a thought. 

Unfortunately not. I have no-one 

And to be honest, I need a reason to get out the house as I will develop agoraphobia which is already present.

I don't have any support, just my dad and my Son, neither can walk the dog x

[Amanda167]

6 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Do you have a friend or family member who can help you out with your dog? Just a thought. 

 

 

 

It looks like the Zoplicone may be helping more than any of your other drugs. Is this correct? 

 

Please continue with your drug and symptoms journal and include your supplements so we can sort this out. 

Hi Shep

 

I'm not sure if it's now psychological or if it helps more as initially it was a godsend just to sleep.

I've took it in the day too at early stages and it helped then, I know this is not good and have been avoiding doing so. Probably took about 4 times during the day when I was desperate for relief, haven't done so in a while though.

[Sassenach]

6 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

The chest and head pressure and discomfort have eased by 50% for the 1st time in months over the past 3 days but the nausea and stomach upset has amplified as the depression has too.

How long am I expected to feel so sick? It only eases a little from 7/8pm. I'm so sick of it. Is there anything I can do to ease it?

Hi Amanda.

Both of the above are actually positive but I understand it does not feel like that.

As your brain tries to return to homeostasis it can only do it one bit at a time. The improvement is not linear, hence the windows and waves.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/17909-are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take/

You are already doing the right things to ease it and only by taking it day by day will you get better.

Follow Shep's advice and you will get there.

 

Sassenach

 

[Amanda167]

Hi Sassenach 

 

I thought I was doing better today, I even managed to ease the nausea a little.

I decided to brave it and take a walk around the block a few times during the day which I haven't done for a while. Anyhow, I was absolutely traumatised by it. I keep getting past childhood memories surfacing and as I was walking, I felt like myself as a 10 year old girl, I felt overwhelmingly lost and alone, I felt an intense emotion that I was so unloved and betrayed by my family, it felt so real and I had a traumatic childhood filled with abuse. I felt that I'd moved forward from those years but lately this is happening alot!

I got back home and was in a state of absolute terror and started sobbing my eyes out. It was so frightened I wanted to just not exist and hide from everything.

I don't know if the lonliness and isolation of the past 5/6 months added with my family being unsupportive is bringing up fears from the past.

Is this usual?? Does this happen to others??

It was so overly traumatising for me and I felt so out of control... I never wish to feel that way again... please tell me do others go through this? I was getting so positive and now I feel pure terror. 

I immediately wrote to myself as a little girl but can't seem to shift the uncomfortable feeling... I finally thought I was making a little process 😢😭

 

Thank you... Will post diary before I go to sleep.

.Hope you had a nice day 

 

Amanda x

 

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Amanda167]

22/07/19

 

10.25 am. Got up. Highly anxious, nausea and surprise,  an upset stomach.

11am. O.60 valium 

11.30. Made breakfast plus 1000mg krill and 350mg magnesium glycinate

12pm to 4pm. Stayed home doing bits and pieces, nausea calmed down.

4pm. Had some snacks.

4.15pm. Decided to go for my 2st daytime walk in a while which turned out a traumatic experience, having childhood flashbacks, came home sobbing my heart out 

6.30pm. Had dinner.

7pm. Took 0.40 valium 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine 

7pm. 10mg Paxil

7.15pm. Had bath, feeling very fearful and still traumatic by earlier walk.

8pm. Done household chores.

9pm. Walked dog

10pm. Took 375mg Zoplicone 

12pm going to bed.

 

Overall summary, there is an improvement of physical symptoms that are finally letting up.

Main symptoms nausea, anxiety, intense fear, lonliness , stress and depression.

 

Thanks, Amanda

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Amanda167]

1st walk, not 2nd

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by ChessieCat
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[Sassenach]

Hi Amanda

 

The really good news is real progress made.

Have you had any therapy to help you deal with   your childhood trauma?

Continue following shep,s advice it is working.

Remember one day at a time.

You are a brave lady

 

Sassenach.

 

[Anthony75]

Hi Amanda167,

 

Yes I’m on 2mg of Klonopin & 50mg of Paxil.

 

Absolutely  I had horrible nausea, stomach pains, no appetite, vomiting, pretty much anything to do stomach related. From what I read it says a lot of Serotonin is stored and regulated in the gut. I believe that is why we are having stomach issues. (If I’m wrong please someone step in as I don’t want to give false information) Plus it doesn’t help that we are in panic mode and worrying. Unfortunately that makes it all worse. 
 

I would like to share a little about my symptoms so hopefully it will give you some comfort. Please don’t think this will happen to you. I don’t want to make things worse for you. But I do know that when I was in the phase of withdrawal you’re in all I cared and worried about were the symptoms. So I can relate. 
I also had constant nausea and multiple stomach problems. I would go 4 to 5 days without eating due to the stomach problems. I’m only telling you this to give you a example of where I was at in the phase of withdrawals I believe you’re in. I promise it gets better. It did for me and a lot of other people. I know it sucks beyond explanation. But please believe me it will get better.

 

On the subject of developing agoraphobia that is just another what if fear. You are going through so much of course you don’t want to leave the house. Why chance the possibility of running into more issues outside your comfort zone. You need your comfort zone right now. Please try not to worry about or put pressure on yourself about leaving the house right now. You already have a full plate. You will not eventually become agoraphobic. This is just another withdrawal symptom. I went through the exact same thing and it definitely gets easier to a non issue. I promise you.

 

 I’m going to offer some advice that I didn’t use when I was in the same state of withdrawals. Because it is so hard when you are in the middle of it all. Actually If someone told me this when I was in the thick of it with panic, constant worrying, and horrible body symptoms. I probably would of told them to go f@!k themselves. But it does really work. Try to just accept the way you feel right now. Even though the symptoms feel like it but they are not going to do permanent damage or hurt you. I know it feels like it but they won’t. You will get to the other side I promise. Because honestly all we can do is accept how we feel. Resisting and fighting them only makes us feel worse. I believe for me this to be true. Especially the stomach problems. The more I worried about them I was causing more stomach acid and other stomach problems by constantly worrying about them. I’m not out of the woods yet myself but for me acceptance was a big turning point. I know it’s way easier said than done. But it does really help. You obviously are not going to be able to accept all of this overnight. But every little bit of acceptance goes a long way. I hope this doesn’t  piss you off because at the time I would of been mad. Like how the fu@k am I supposed to accept this. That’s how I was at least. I’m going to attach a article about acceptance. Whenever you feel up to it please give it a read. It will help. It helped me tremendously.

 

I will always be here to help you. You WILL get better I promise. I know it’s hard to see right now but it will happen. I promise you it gets better. It is 11:45pm my time in California. I will be awake till at lest 2pm. If you need to talk I’m here. Talk to you soon.
 

 

[Anthony75]

Sorry it’s not letting me upload the last 3 pages right now. I will upload them ASAP. 
 

Please try and remember you’re not alone. I care about you and so do people on this site. You WILL get pass this.

[Anthony75]

Hi Amanda167,

 

Still trying to upload  the last three pages. But I came across this. It's part of a conversation with Powerback when I was having bad stomach problems. 

 

"Hi Powerback,

How are you? Thank you for your reply. Yes during a wave I can’t eat. (When I was in which I believe is the same state you are in now. The stomach problems were constant and very close to unbearable no just in a wave.)  My symptoms are gastrointestinal distress, abdominal cramping, sick to my stomach, and extreme nausea. I’ve found websites that confirm these to be Paxil withdrawal. But unfortunately they do not say to how severe it could get. Maybe I just have it worse. I’m pretty sure it’s not my health because I get regular check ups and blood work. I was just wondering if anyone has dealt with or heard something about it."

 

Hope this helps.

[Anthony75]

Hello to everyone. Hope you are all doing well. Can someone please give me a hand with uploading the last three pages because I feel it would really help Amanda167.  When I try to upload another image it says I have 0mb able to upload. Is there a cap on how many images I can upload? I tried to copy only the text from Kindle but it wouldn't allow me. So unfortunately I have to use images. 

[Anthony75]

Hello Amanda167,

 

Here is another example of a question I asked a while back on this forum. Promise last one I just wanted to show you that you are not alone. And if my stomach problems got better yours will too. 

 

"Hello, 

I hope everyone is doing well. I searched through this website but couldn’t find anything on a few of my symptoms. I was hoping someone  here has heard of these symptoms or knows something I can do to ease the symptoms.

 

I’m in a wave right now. Every wave I deal with not being able to eat because of stomach pains, extreme nausea, and no appetite. In the beginning of withdrawals I would go about 5-6 days without eating anything. In my current withdrawal waves I usually go a day to two. I’m on day three right now. And since I haven’t dealt with not eating for this long in a while it’s taking its toll. Any info would be greatly appreciated. Thank you"

[Sassenach]

@Anthony75

I believe there is a cap.

The only other option is copy and paste.

[Anthony75]

@Sassenach

 

Do you know if the cap is permanent? Because Kindle will not allow me to copy there text for some reason.

[Sassenach]

I imagine it will be.

Have you deleted previous uploads?

[Sassenach]

Hi Amanda

 

How are you feeling this morning?

 

Sassench.

[Anthony75]

@Sassenach

 

Can you please tell me where to do that?