Amanda167

[Amanda167]

Hi Shep

 

Do you think the zopiclone can still be having interdose effects from taking that small 9am dose.

I'm in so much pain, constantly crying with the sheer frustration.

I'm really not coping and pretty much sick and non functional most of my days. I'm so scared I'm never going to improve. I'm scared one of the meds is not agreeing with me and in fact, making me worse.

 

I just want it to stop! My body is burning with nerve pain, aching in places I've never experienced before. Please tell me I'll heal if I continue to hold. I'm so sick and I'm so afraid. Is this normal to feel this bad?

 

Please help.

 Amanda x

[Shep]

16 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

Do you think the zopiclone can still be having interdose effects from taking that small 9am dose.

 

Since you're not seeing any improvement in symptoms when you take the morning dose, I'm not sure it's interdose withdrawal. Because this drug has such a short half-life, you likely are getting some degree of interdose symptoms, however, you seeing improvements in your overall degree of symptoms. 

 

So I would be hesitant to make any changes right now.

 

19 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

My body is burning with nerve pain, aching in places I've never experienced before.

 

Please see:

 

Non-drug techniques for dealing with body pain

 

This is a website written by someone who also went through withdrawal. Lots of great resources for pain:

 

Beyond Meds - Pain archives

 

Are you able to take epsom salt baths? It contains magnesium, but if you're tolerating magnesium, you may want to try this. 

 

Epsom salts baths - another way to relax with magnesium - note: you may want to start out with just 1 cup of epsom salts until you gage your sensitivity

 

Benzos are muscle relaxers, so make sure you are getting some gentle stretching in throughout the day. This will also help with pain. And you don't even have to get out of bed to do it.

 

 

 12 Minute Yoga in Bed to Unwind video (12 minutes)

 

10 Minute Gentle Yoga in Bed Sequence video (11 minutes)

[Amanda167]

Thanks so much Shep. I so appreciate your response. 

 

I do take Epsom salt baths already. I do stretch and walk in the garden. It seems it sets me off. I've been crying so much lately which was hard before. It seems I have crying episodes daily from 5pm until I eat but also sporadically throughout the day... and alot of anger. I want to smash up everything in site. I think it's the frustration of months of almost non-stop symptoms.

 

Some things have improved where some have worsened.. like I was at least able to get out on some of the days, now I haven't been out in weeks and mostly in my room. It's all so frustrating and I've always disliked sitting around, I'm always active so this is killing me. So afraid that this is my new life and can't remember what's it's like to wake up happy.

 

Everyone keeps saying it will get better but it sure doesn't feel that way. So much hate for these drugs and so little I can do to get off them right now x

[Amanda167]

Also, do you think the switching to quetiapine tablets for 3 days could affect me at all. I'm back to liquid the past 2 days but had to use pills as pharmacy didn't have my prescription??

 

X

[Altostrata]

Those cortisol tests are not meaningful for our purposes.

 

21 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I didn't get the stomach problems up until about 3 weeks ago,

 

What changed about 3 weeks ago?

 

We still need those daily drug and symptom notes, no fooling around.

[Amanda167]

57 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

What changed about 3 weeks ago?

 

I think it's from the valium withdrawal,  been holding since 6th of June. Although 3 weeks ago I moved dosages and times and it's been 2 week since introducing the zopiclone in the morning.

 

58 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

We still need those daily drug and symptom notes, no fooling around.

I don't get this?? I'm not fooling around.

Is there something you require that I'm not giving you information on? Ill answering all the questions as accurately as I can.

Please specify. X

[Amanda167]

13/08/2019 Diary

 

Awoke to the same usual nausea, head pressure, stomach cramps, tinnitus and body cramps.

9am. Took .375mg zopiclone 

9.30am. Took .40 valium.

 

11.30am. Got up to make food and ice pack.

 

Stayed in my room pretty much all day, symptoms continued the same.

 

2.30pm. Made smoothie,  still really agitated. Feeling very angry.

 

5pm. Had another crying fit as to much pain and agitation. Pain is now in my jaw and my face is burning.

 

6pm. Dinner.

 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg paxil

 

Still feeling crap.

 

9am .60 valium 

 

9.15pm. Had bath and walked to the shops.

 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone.

As always, felt a little better after the zopiclone but not great.

 

I don't feel any better after any of the meds apart from the evening dose of zopiclone.

 

My symptoms last all day most days lately where they used to ease a little in the evenings.

 

[Shep]

16 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I do take Epsom salt baths already. I do stretch and walk in the garden. It seems it sets me off. I've been crying so much lately which was hard before. It seems I have crying episodes daily from 5pm until I eat but also sporadically throughout the day... and alot of anger. I want to smash up everything in site. I think it's the frustration of months of almost non-stop symptoms.

 

Some of this may be side effects / withdrawal effects from either benzos or SSRIs. This information may be helpful:

 

Dealing with anger during SSRI withdrawal

 

Managing anger

 

Neuro emotions

 

Deep emotional pain and crying spells, spontaneous weeping

 

It's important to detach from your thoughts. As one of my favorite mindfulness gurus, Mooji, says, "Your thoughts are just visitors and you are NOT a hotel. Don't invite them in!"

 

Just imagine these intrusive thoughts are noisy neighbors in the apartment or house next door. Find ways to distract because these thoughts are nothing to concern you. This is a mindful way of not going into a spiral.

 

For more ways of coping with spirals, please see:

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

16 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Also, do you think the switching to quetiapine tablets for 3 days could affect me at all. I'm back to liquid the past 2 days but had to use pills as pharmacy didn't have my prescription??

 

Yes, this could very well be problematic. 

 

Please include information like this in your daily drug and symptoms journal. It's important to know about EVERY change, and changes in liquid versus tablet, changes in brands, etc. all matter for someone with a destabilized nervous system.

 

I have a question about your history. In answering Alto's question - "What changed 3 weeks ago?", you posted:

 

13 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I think it's from the valium withdrawal,  been holding since 6th of June. Although 3 weeks ago I moved dosages and times and it's been 2 week since introducing the zopiclone in the morning.

 

In your first post, you wrote:

 

On 6/13/2019 at 4:03 PM, Amanda167 said:

29th May 19.... switched from generic brand to GSK Seroxat Paxil and stayed at 10.4mg and holding.

. . . . 

Well,  since switching to the GSK Seroxat Paxil, a new kind of hell broke lose, it felt so much stronger my head felt it was going to explode.

 

It looks like you reduced the Valium, switched Paxil brands, and added in Seroquel and Zopiclone, all within that same timeframe.

 

Do you feel that any of these symptoms from the Paxil brand change have resolved?

 

13 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I don't get this?? I'm not fooling around.

Is there something you require that I'm not giving you information on? Ill answering all the questions as accurately as I can.

 

You missed a few days in the past week. 

 

On 8/8/2019 at 9:33 AM, Amanda167 said:

Sorry I didn't do my diary last night, was really bad.

 

On 8/9/2019 at 8:15 AM, Amanda167 said:

Sorry, didn't do diary again.

 

 

August 10th and the 11th are also missing. I think that's what Alto's referring to. Please note how meticulous Alto and the staff are about parsing through members' daily journals. We really do need this information daily while you're asking for feedback. We're looking for any patterns that change in order to base our tapering advice. Gaps in this information make it difficult for us, which makes us less helpful to you. So it's in your best interest to provide this. 

 

Please keep going with this information daily. 

[Amanda167]

2 hours ago, Shep said:

It looks like you reduced the Valium, switched Paxil brands, and added in Seroquel and Zopiclone, all within that same timeframe.

Hi Shep

 

Thanks so much for all the information 

 

Yes, very difficult to tell what's causing what as in May, 3 more meds were introduced then 2 rapidly reduced, then the change of Paxil brand after only 2 weeks upon updosing to what seemed so much stronger than the former generic.

 

I say it's more the valium currently purely because of the GI problems and severe nausea, also the bloated belly as these seem to be typical benzo symptoms but of course,  it could be a combination with so many changes since May, just wish they'd level out.

 

The weird thing is, mentally, I feel more level than I did. I mean, I was having psychotic episodes, tremors and non-stop shaking and air hunger daily, now, it's more nausea, head pressure, stomach issues and feeling weak, especially around the heart area. The nausea is driving me insane as can't do more than get up for 2 mins then have to go and sit back down. My stomach is bloating which never happened and I constantly have the feeling of diarreah, you know, that horrible sick feeling in your stomach... just seems that these symptoms have overtaken the former symptoms. Anxiety is still present but not as bad as it was.

Plus now, I'm constantly on the verge of tears.

The sickness bothers me the most as it's stopping me from doing anything, at least with the head, I can do more small things... have it real bad again this morning.

I was conscious to check if it was there before my AM meds and yes, it was. It usually awakes me around 8am and slowly becomes more uncomfortable. I got up and walked around a bit before my AM meds. The reason I go back to bed is more so to try and shorten the day more than anything as feeling nausea becomes unbearable when pretty much 24/7. Would love to awake not feeling like this, I haven't gotten out in ages during the day and am worried this will cause agoraphobia, really don't want to feel like this.

 

2 hours ago, Shep said:

Do you feel that any of these symptoms from the Paxil brand change have resolved?

 

As my essay 😱 (apologies) above.

I'd definitely say symptoms have changed and feel like the valium is causing the problems more but hard to tell, just my gut feeling.

It's so difficult to recognise changes especially as they seem to fluctuate from one symptom to another. 

The severe chest pain has lessoned that had been persistent for months but now I just have the weak feeling in the chest instead, and like I mentioned, the tremors, pacing, restlessness, air hunger have definitely eased, just the nonstop nausea, head burning and stomach issues are causing far more stress and frustration.

 

Could this still be on going symptoms from the Paxil updose/brand change??

2 hours ago, Shep said:

August 10th and the 11th are also missing. I think that's what Alto's referring to. Please note how meticulous Alto and the staff are about parsing through members' daily journals. We really do need this information daily while you're asking for feedback. We're looking for any patterns that change in order to base our tapering advice. Gaps in this information make it difficult for us, which makes us less helpful to you. So it's in your best interest to provide this. 

 

Please keep going with this information daily. 

 

Apologies.

 

I will do my upmost to get my diary in daily. It sometimes feels I could just copy and paste it daily as nothing has changed much st all lately but I promise I will pay more attention and make it a priority of mine.

 

Many thanks Shep... So appreciate you getting back and providing me with so much information

 

Have a lovely day x

 

[Amanda167]

Wednesday 14th Aug Diary.

 

Awoke to bad stomach, weakness in chest, burning head pressure, bloating before any meds.

 

9am. 0.375 zoplicone 

9.30am. .040 valium

 

11.30am. Breakfast. 

 

1.30pm. Dad came to visit, played  a few instruments with him and my Son. 

Went downstairs, got really shaky, breathless and had to go lay down again. Seems any stimulation triggers my CNS into overdrive. 

 

Dad left at 5pm. Was laying down.

 

5.30pm. Went downstairs to do food, surprisingly was in a good mood... even laughed a little.

 

6pm. Had food. Talking makes my brain hurt real bad and makes me dizzy and breathless but was STILL in a fairly good mood.

 

7am. 1omg Paxil. 4mg quetiapine 

 

Sat downstairs for 1st time in days and was STILL in a good mood although still weak.

 

8pm. Went Tescos and walked my dog to the park.

 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone.... and still in a good mood.

 

I think I may be experiencing my 1st ever window that lasted for more than 5 minutes. I was actually laughing 😁 

 

Generally, it's the physical symptoms that are causing me more distress. I saw my old self again today, it felt great. Hope it's a start of more to come. X

[Altostrata]

15 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

The weird thing is, mentally, I feel more level than I did. I mean, I was having psychotic episodes, tremors and non-stop shaking and air hunger daily, now, it's more nausea, head pressure, stomach issues and feeling weak, especially around the heart area. The nausea is driving me insane as can't do more than get up for 2 mins then have to go and sit back down. My stomach is bloating which never happened and I constantly have the feeling of diarreah, you know, that horrible sick feeling in your stomach... just seems that these symptoms have overtaken the former symptoms. Anxiety is still present but not as bad as it was.

 

What do you mean by psychotic episodes?

 

When does the pain occur, in what part of your body? It's not in your symptom notes.

 

You're taking a weird selection of drugs at odd times, Amanda. Please do your best to stay calm, your'e going through a rough patch, we have to see the effects of the drugs on your symptom pattern. It may be that you felt a little better today because your drug intake has become more regular and your nervous system is settling down.

 

@Shep I am wondering about that morning Valium. Seems that Amanda has her worst period of the day after she takes it, and feels better after it wears off. Or it could be the morning zopiclone.

 

I'm still weirded out by the Paxil and Seroquel taken together. I would like to see the Paxil moved earlier in the day, but the benzo changes need to settle. @Shep what do you think?

 

FYI Drug interactions report

 

[Shep]

4 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

@Shep I am wondering about that morning Valium. Seems that Amanda has her worst period of the day after she takes it, and feels better after it wears off. Or it could be the morning zopiclone.

 

I would recommend holding a bit longer. Amanda is stabilizing:

 

See this post here.

 

And this:

 

9 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I think I may be experiencing my 1st ever window that lasted for more than 5 minutes. I was actually laughing 😁

Generally, it's the physical symptoms that are causing me more distress. I saw my old self again today, it felt great. Hope it's a start of more to come. X

 

@Amanda How was the nausea? Did that also go away during your window? 

[Shep]

10 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

1.30pm. Dad came to visit, played  a few instruments with him and my Son. 

 

Music is healing. You may want to check out the music therapy thread:

 

Music Therapy / Music for Wellness and Healing

[Amanda167]

9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

What do you mean by psychotic episodes?

Hi Alto, thanks for getting back.

 

I mean I literally thought I was going insane, pacing, having fits of rage, followed by crying. Not recognising my own home, people I love... just pure terror and thinking that I was completely insane. Not hallucinating but just everything was so unreal and distorted. 

 

9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

When does the pain occur, in what part of your body? It's not in your symptom notes.

My stomach, my head and chest.

 I also get face and neck pain and my upper arms. I usually put this in my diary.

[Amanda167]

9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

am wondering about that morning Valium. Seems that Amanda has her worst period of the day after she takes it, and feels better after it wears off. Or it could be the morning zopiclone.

The symptoms are already there before I take the AM meds. I've been making a conscious effort to monitor this the past few days and I definitely awake to the symptoms 😢

Same as today, wish they'd stop.

 

Amanda x

[Amanda167]

5 hours ago, Shep said:

How was the nausea? Did that also go away during your window? 

Hi Shep x

The nausea went away enough to function. The head pressure has been constant. My head feels very weak, like talking even makes me weak and dizzy and my ears go off balance. I was just happy to be able to stand up. X

[Amanda167]

3 hours ago, Shep said:

Music is healing. You may want to check out the music therapy thread:

Thank you for this Shep.

I've been learning the recorder and so far doing well, the only problem is I'm pretty breathless and blowing makes me feel weak and dizzy so perhaps not the best instrument for me.

Been playing a little on the guitar but going to try and learn the keyboard I think.

I've started to be able to listen to a little music. I couldn't do this at all before. Any sound would set me off.

I remember sitting in my garden about a month ago, a neighbour started playing music. I got so overwhelmed emotionally as it reminded me of how much I used to enjoy music and how I haven't been able to enjoy those simple things for so long... it hurt me so much, I had to go inside.

Aside from that, the noise is to stimulating. I'm hoping I can enjoy those things again soon.

Feeling very sick again today. Hope I have another window soon.

 

Be back with my diary later 

 

Have a nice day x

[Amanda167]

Thurs 14th August diary.

 

9am. .375mg zoplicone 

9.39. .040 valium

I awoke to nausea,  bad stomach, tense head and low mood prior to AM meds.

 

Went back to sleep as was feeling tired and low,  didn't get up again til 1pm.

 

1.30pm. Food. Supplements.  Symptoms still the same.

 

3.30pm. Made smoothie, feeling very agitated and frustrated.

 

Went and sat in garden writing songs. 

 

5.30pm. Made dinner. Was feeling still not good and very very angry. 

 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil. Still feeling angry. Other symptoms eased a little apart from fuzzy head and neck pain. My stomach is really bloated and causing alot of discomfort.

 

8pm. Had bath, still really angry... swearing about everything. Played the keyboard for half hour.

 

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

 

Went to the shop. Cleaned up a bit. 

 

1am. Going to bed x

 

The stomach bloating is a new symptom, started about 4 days ago 

[Shep]

20 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I mean I literally thought I was going insane, pacing, having fits of rage, followed by crying. Not recognising my own home, people I love... just pure terror and thinking that I was completely insane. Not hallucinating but just everything was so unreal and distorted. 

 

The fact that you don't have these types of acute symptoms is a good sign of healing and stabilizing. 

 

19 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

The nausea went away enough to function. The head pressure has been constant. My head feels very weak, like talking even makes me weak and dizzy and my ears go off balance. I was just happy to be able to stand up. X

 

That's wonderful you had a break from the nausea even though the other symptoms persisted. 

 

19 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I've been learning the recorder and so far doing well, the only problem is I'm pretty breathless and blowing makes me feel weak and dizzy so perhaps not the best instrument for me.

Been playing a little on the guitar but going to try and learn the keyboard I think.

I've started to be able to listen to a little music. I couldn't do this at all before. Any sound would set me off.

 

I play guitar, keyboard, and saxophone, but the saxophone has been way too loud to play during withdrawal and recovery. The keyboard is one of the best instruments for withdrawal because you can turn the volume down as low as you need to. 

 

I took the Berklee online class (Music for Wellness) I linked in the opening post of the music therapy thread and this is one of the videos that is used for relaxation. Thought you might enjoy hearing it.

 

PMR Exercise | Berklee Online | Music for Wellness video (6 minutes)

 

10 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil. Still feeling angry. Other symptoms eased a little apart from fuzzy head and neck pain. My stomach is really bloated and causing alot of discomfort.

 

This is a good sign - your symptoms started getting better prior to taking the evening Zopiclone. 

 

10 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

The stomach bloating is a new symptom, started about 4 days ago 

 

Did this coincide with going from liquid to tablet quetiapine? If so, it may take some time to resolve. 

 

You may want to do some research involving diets that may help with this. Many of us end up making food diaries and doing elimination diets until we figure out what makes this worse and what makes things better. Some people become very sensitive to dairy, gluten, etc. It's really individual, so keeping a daily list of what you eat and how it makes you feel can be helpful. 

 

Some helpful links:

 

Digestive problems: nausea, diarrhoea, bloating, GERD

 

SCD/GAPS/Paleo Diets

 

Histamine food intolerance

 

 

 

[Amanda167]

3 hours ago, Shep said:

The fact that you don't have these types of acute symptoms is a good sign of healing and stabilizing. 

Hi Shep

 

Thanks so much for all the information you provided.

 

Yes, I'm so glad these symptoms have calmed down alot. Just feeling agitated and frustrated because I feel so sick and my stomach is in bits. 

 

I'm also eating loads but still not gaining weight but have a huge rock hard bloated stomach.. so uncomfortable 😢

3 hours ago, Shep said:

I play guitar, keyboard, and saxophone, but the saxophone has been way too loud to play during withdrawal and recovery.

Yes, the recorder is to much on my head pressure and ears, can't imagine trying the saxophone 😱

 

Did you learn whilst in Withdrawals too? It definitely is a good way of distracting whilst learning new skills x

3 hours ago, Shep said:

Did this coincide with going from liquid to tablet quetiapine? If so, it may take some time to resolve. 

I didn't link this suggestion, could possibly be. Just put it down to valium as there's so much talk of the benzo belly and GI problems.

Hope it goes, never had a big belly before.

3 hours ago, Shep said:

You may want to do some research involving diets that may help with this. Many of us end up making food diaries and doing elimination diets until we figure out what makes this worse and what makes things better. Some people become very sensitive to dairy, gluten, etc. It's really individual, so keeping a daily list of what you ea

Thanks for all the suggestions Shep 🙏

I eat 90% organic. I don't eat red meat but I do eat chicken and fish (lots of salmon)

I eat cereal, spelt pasta, wild rice, fruit, veg, lots of avocado. I add nuts and seeds to most things.

I avoid diary and gluten as much as I can and avoid processed foods. 

I must admit, I have been eating a bit of junk too and lots of chocolate, even organic but still not good I guess.

I had IBS for years, switched to an organic diet about 3 years ago, it all disappeared... 20+ years of pain went in a few months. Slowly I've eliminated caffeine, sugar and processed foods too. I do eat a bit of junk still but try keep this 90/10 rule, perhaps I need to make better choices and avoid those chocolate biscuits too 😭

 

I've been looking at the GAP diet so will be trying to follow that and see if things improve.

 

Slept very badly last night. I had bad RLS and my thighs and my tops of my arms had bad cramps... weird. I tried lying on my back and I kept jolting awake. Took me ages to get to sleep.

I had an Epsom salt bath before bed too. I'm thinking it maybe from lack of exercise 🤔

 

What would cause the RLS? 

 

Also, do you think it's a bad idea me sleeping in in the mornings??

 

I sleep because I'm thinking, the more sleep, the more my body has time to heal. What's your thoughts Shep???

 

Much appreciated

 

Amanda xx

[Shep]

8 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

I didn't link this suggestion, could possibly be. Just put it down to valium as there's so much talk of the benzo belly and GI problems.

Hope it goes, never had a big belly before.

 

Quetiapine in low doses affects histamine (it only affects dopamine in doses over 150 mg). And histamine intolerance can cause bloating. So it may be the benzo, but it could also be the quetiapine, especially since this symptom got worse around at the same time you made a formula change from liquid to tablet. 

 

So you may want to google for foods low in histamine and see if it helps to eliminate those foods for a few days. Since you already have a fairly restrictive diet, you may not need to tweak it much. You may want to stop the chocolate, as that's a food that's high in histamine. 

 

8 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

What would cause the RLS? 

 

 

Any psych drug can cause this. Some helpful tips:

 

Non-drug treatments for restless legs

 

8 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

Also, do you think it's a bad idea me sleeping in in the mornings??

 

I sleep because I'm thinking, the more sleep, the more my body has time to heal. What's your thoughts Shep???

 

Your symptoms are your teachers, so if your mind/body needs to sleep, I would honor that. Sleep is healing, as you note, and this is true even if you don't wake up refreshed. The rest is good. 

 

For some people dealing with insomnia, they find that restricting sleep to only at night is helpful, but since you're generally able to sleep most nights, I think you'll be okay sleeping in the next day. 

 

Edited August 16, 2019 by Shep
fixed typos

[Amanda167]

52 minutes ago, Shep said:

So it may be the benzo, but it could also be the quetiapine, especially since this symptom got worse around at the same time you made a formula change from liquid to tablet. 

Hi Shep

 

Thank you. I hope it fades but is ironic now you mention it as it has appeared worse since the switching between the quetiapine liquid and tablet.

 

53 minutes ago, Shep said:

Your symptoms are your teachers, so if your mind/body needs to sleep, I would honor that. Sleep is healing, as you note, and this is true even if you don't wake up refreshed. The rest is good. 

That's good news for me.

Half of me dreads getting up for fear of feeling sicker for an even longer day and part of me is really tired and needing more sleep.

 

Diary to follow xx

[Amanda167]

Diary for Friday 16th August.

 

9am. .375 zoplicone 

9.30. .40 valium 

 

Awoke to nausea, head pressure and a bloated upset stomach prior to AM meds, slept in to 12.15pm.

 

12.40. Food then read in my room.

 

3pm. Went downstairs to do some chores. I also planted some plants. Was feeling nausea and head pressure but was ignoring it as best as I could.

 

5pm. Came indoors, was really feeling sick and dizzy. Put dinner on and played down for a bit. Was feeling in a low mood and slight intrusive thoughts were giving me anxiety.

 

5.30pm. Had dinner.

Cleaned up.

 

7pm. Quetiapine 4mg liquid. 10mg Paxil 

 

Feeling a bit agitated and upset. 

 

8.20pm. Walked dog with my Son.

 

10pm 340mg zopiclone 

 

Spent rest of day chatting with a friend. Was feeling more normal.

 

12.15pm. In bed now. Generally, today has been ok, a few low parts but overall,  more stable xx

[Shep]

4 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

Spent rest of day chatting with a friend. Was feeling more normal.

 

12.15pm. In bed now. Generally, today has been ok, a few low parts but overall,  more stable xx

 

You're stabilizing, Amanda. This is great. Please don't make any changes other than perhaps tweaking your diet a bit for possible histamine issues and let us know how you do. 

[Amanda167]

16 hours ago, Shep said:

You're stabilizing, Amanda. This is great. Please don't make any changes other than perhaps tweaking your diet a bit for possible histamine issues and let us know how you do. 

Hi Shep.

 

Hope you're well!

 

It feels I'm getting a bit better definitely but scared of getting my hopes up as it's been nearly 7 months of non-stop symptoms 😱

 

I seem to be getting really anxious the past few days and scary thoughts, like I'm scared to be alive, very unsettling.

 

It feels like I'm coming out of a coma or a nightmare should I say and like I almost have forgotten how to be normal again.

 

Still not ready to venture out in the day. The sickness, weakness, bad stomach and dizzy head are still very much present but getting a little more done during the day. I just feel weird and spaced out with a constant underlying anxiety.... like I'd imagine PTSD to feel like. I just feel the past 7 months have been so traumatic for me, feels like I've been spinning around really fast and now I'm really a kind of stillness and it's scary because it feels like I'm recognising things for the 1st time ever... it's really difficult to explain so I hope you can understand.... Just feel really anxious like I've just come off of a very long rollercoaster ride or something 🙄

 

Is this normal???

 

I guess it is after feeling traumatised for so long.

 

I hope it passes. I so want to go back to living again but it's like I'm scared to or don't know how to any more. 

 

Feeling very confused and detached. Will this pass?

 

Thanks Shep. I hope you can make sense of this xx

[RichT]

Hi Amanda,

 

It’s lovely to hear that you’re stabilising. I understand your analogy of a roller-coaster! I hope you continue to feel some stillness.

 

warmest wishes

 

Rich

[Amanda167]

36 minutes ago, RichT said:

Hi Amanda,

 

It’s lovely to hear that you’re stabilising. I understand your analogy of a roller-coaster! I hope you continue to feel some stillness.

 

warmest wishes

 

Rich

Hi Rich

 

Thanks so much for your lovely message 

 

I'm too scared to confirm that I am yet but definitely feels like some improvements are taking place and I'm praying they will slowly fade away and become a distant memory.

 

I'm glad you understood my analogy 😊 My brain is not functioning at its best yet 😁

 

I hope you're well

 

Hugs to you

 

Amanda x

[Amanda167]

Sat 17th Aug diary.

 

Awoke to usual symptoms but a little milder. Got a water bottle for bad stomach.

9am. .375 zoplicone 

9.30. 0.40mg valium 

11am. Got up and made breakfast

Rested for a while as upset stomach 

2pm. Decided to clear out my garage and do a bit of gardening

Was feeling a little low. Scary thoughts too.

5pm. Lowest mood, intrusive thoughts.

5.40pm. Dinner.

6pm. Done all the housework until 8pm.

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil 

Had some more food.

9pm. .60 valium,  was feeling a little happier and not so dizzy from fuzzy head.

Still very bloated.

10pm. 340mg zopiclone 

Dyed hair and had shower.

12.30am. Got into bed.

 

A few uncomfortable moments at 2pm and from 5 to 6pm but overall,  a much better day 😊

 

 

[Amanda167]

Sunday 18th August diary

 

9am .375mg zoplicone 

9.30. .40mg valium 

 

Got up at  11am to bad stomach, others symptoms still present but manageable. 

Anxiety is present, don't feel able to relax.

 

12.30. Food

 

2pm. Went out for the 1st time in weeks during the day. Drove to shops, out 2+ hours, a

Was fine until get home.

 

5pm. Home, feeling really low and depressed.

5.30pm. Had dinner.

 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil

 

8pm. Had food and Smoothie

 

Still feeling depressed.

 

9pm .50mg valium.

 

10pm. .340mg zopiclone 

 

Still feeling very low in mood and bad bad guts still, stayed in my room from 5pm.

 

No bath, no dog walk tonight 🙄

 

Hope my mood lifts. X

[Shep]

12 hours ago, Amanda167 said:

2pm. Went out for the 1st time in weeks during the day. Drove to shops, out 2+ hours, a

Was fine until get home.

 

Were you out in fluorescent lighting? These kinds of lights are common in shops and may trigger upticks in symptoms for people with destabilized nervous systems. The fact that were you able to get out is great. And the upticks in symptoms could have been from the stress of getting out among people for the first time in weeks. 

 

Hopefully this will pass soon.

[Amanda167]

1 hour ago, Shep said:

Were you out in fluorescent lighting? These kinds of lights are common in shops and may trigger upticks in symptoms for people with destabilized nervous systems.

Hi Shep.

 

Hope you had a lovely weekend.

 

I wasn't in any store for long and kept my sunglasses on the whole time.

 

My head still feels very weak and my stomach still very upset but by far, the low mood is bugging me the most. I should be feeling relief and joy that I could get out but I feel empty and sad.

 

Is this common?

 

Will this pass too?

 

I just want to Sleep as I'm so tired.

 

Amanda x

 

[ChessieCat]

8 minutes ago, Amanda167 said:

I should be feeling relief and joy that I could get out but I feel empty and sad.

 

Is this common?

 

Will this pass too?

 

I just want to Sleep as I'm so tired.

 

What you are experiencing is not unusual.  Increased activity, different/loud noises, crowds etc can all cause your nervous system to be overstimulated.

[Amanda167]

What about the depression?

 

I don't want to face the days. I should want to go out after 7 months of hellish symptoms but just want to hide away.

 

The depression is awful 😢

[ChessieCat]

Your body is probably just stressed from the activity and the outing.  The result can be low mood.  When we don't sleep well for a few nights are mood gets low.  When we get sick and our body is fighting a bug the same thing happens.

 

Instead of worrying about it, which adds even more stress, it's more helpful for you nervous system to try to accept and relax and stay calm and treat yourself gently and not overdo things.

[Amanda167]

Hi Chessiecat 

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

Yes, you may be right, I do have a habit of pushing myself but I am suffering low moods.

 

Diary to follow x

[Amanda167]

10/08/2019 Diary.

 

Awoke to fuzzy head and bad stomach,  nausea very low grade.

 

9am. .375 zoplicone 

9.30am. .40mg valium 

 

Went back to sleep til 11.30am

12.30. Food and supplements 

Very depressed mood.

2pm. Went downstairs to distract. Played some music with my Son, definitely lifted my mood to a 5 or 6.

5.30pm. Had dinner and supplements 

7pm. 4mg quetiapine and 10mg Paxil 

7.05pm. Had bath. Mood okayish 

8.15pm. Walked dog.

9pm. .60 valium 

9.15pm. Went Sainsbury's.  Very grumpy. Only bad symptom is my stomach at this point

10.15pm. Had some organic cereal

10.40pm. 340mg zopiclone ( late)

12.30pm. Went up to bed.

Not a great start but feeling more positive toward the end of the day. A bit snappy, not overly happy but ok.